The Omaha Sunday Beb
12 B
OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY 1, 1920.
Sold Omahans Stock In
1 Prohibition Platform Co.
Come
7 J
The Agents Were Young Women, of Course, and
Pretty Also, of Course The Platforms Were to
x Be of "Three-Quarter Sawed" Oak and Rein
forced Concrete, One In Each City, to Be Rented
At High Rates to "Dry" Speakers.
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(A FCBR.j
Even as the sap geny' starts to
ooze from the roots of the trees to
the upper branches and uppermost
twigs, so begins to flow the blood
of the human trunk to the inner
most recesses of the brain.
And les forth come the dreams of
spring. , " ' '
But the human blossoms are not
so loathe to exposure as are the leaf
lets and buds of the mighty oaks. J,
'Xo sooner do they start to tingle
the brain, than out of the mouths of
babes and sucklings pour the ideas
which' have struggled all the winter
for expression.
Wrapped in woolen garments,
with feet adorned in several pairs
of heavy socks, and cap drawn
dpwn over ears still reminiscent of
frost-bitten mornings, man cannot
help but smoke the pipe of peace
with hard old Winter, with the
first short stretch of mild weather
in February.
Ain't It the Truth?
Forsooth, seated" uncomfortably
close to the little' heater which ex
udes waves and waves of heart-inspiring
warmth, Mr. Man, after the
time-worn custom, begins to have
his annual visions of the coming of
Spring.
The mythical vision is the surest.
Every year he sees the barlegged
Venus, garbed in clinging nothings,
with the crown of beauty on her
head and the magic wand of plenty
and happiness in her hand, come
lightly tripping along, in a veritable
barrage of flowers and butterflies
and birds, care and sorrow brushed
aside, her face alighted with the
knowledge of the coming of the joy
ous season.
And Ground Hog day is upon us.
Tuesday, the old, sleepy prophet of
Spring, will crawl forth from his
hibernian home, blink angrily at his
shadow in the sun, and wheejily
crawl back again into his hole, for
another long six weeks of cold and
complaint. i
It's that way- every year.
H Nearly Always Does.
The annual ringing of the Febru
ary alarm clock awakens the old
hog from his gluttonous slumber,
and he always comes out of his hole,
mad and determined to find his
shadow sometime during the day as
a sufficient excuse for six weeks
more of slumber.
Then, too, city editors of my-
iriads of newspapers all over this.
great land, will soon be answering1
their busy telephones to hear some
sweet voice at the other end of the
2k
wire, exclaiming excitedly:
"Oh, you wouldn't believe it, but
I'm sure I saw the very first robin
of the season right out here in my
front yard."
And right away starts the yearly
tirade against that dignified harbin
ger of spring, Mr. R. Red Breast.
But he should be bothered. When
he does appear, he'll be seen, and
these voluntary press agents need
have no fear of his name being left
from the front page of their Daily
Wheeze. f ,
The Same Old Stuff.
During the long weeks following
the first sniff of fresh air taken by
the Ground Hog, Mr. Tired Busi
ness 'Man hastens home from his
office each evening, gets down his
congressman's vote getter, the little
bound seed catalogue, sits back iu
his big Morris chair, lights a true
Havana, and dreams dreams.
Yea, he dreams the dreamiest of
dreams. For this year, he is go
ing to beat the JL.C. L. sure enpugh.
He's going to set out every avail
ableinch of ground in something
he can't just decide which, Con
gressman Pezzaza's" seed catalogue
holds such a variety.
And then he can let the grocer
charge what he wants to for his
green stuff. Mr. T. B. M. is going
to "raise his own."
But the very next evening, when
in the exuberance of his high spirits,'
(not Sparkling spirits,) he takes
Friend Wife down town for the eve
ning, he gets his annual shock, which
is just as true a harbinger of spring
as Mr. Robin Red Breast
Hardest Blow of AIL
Every other window, it seems to
him, is filled with the milliners' cre
ations of what the Great American
Woman must wear for Easter.
And from then on home, Friend
Wife pours sweet nothings into his
left ear about her new spring hat,
all of them promptly leaving the
right ear as perchance they should.
Oh dreams of spring have in
vaded the homes of Omaha.
But they're not all sweet dreams.
Here and there, one finds a veri
table nightmare. T
Which all goes to prove, that, all
is not gold that glitters Or one
MUST take the bitter . with the
sweet.
Armed with bogus letters of in
troduction from William J. Bryan
and Billy Sunday, two smooth
tongued young ' women swooped
down on several prominent Oma
ans last week and relieved them of
several hundred dollars in cash and
Liberty beads.
.these two young women came
to my office Tuesday morning," said
one of the victims. "They were
clever talkers and understood their
game thoroughly. sThey introduced
themselves as reoresentatives of the
National Prohibition Platform
Building society, .Inc., with head
quarters at New York and San Fran-r
CISCO.
"The idea of the society, thev said.
was to build prohibition platforms
in every city of any importance,
these platforms to' be leased to
speakers at a reasonable price, the
money to be sent to the National
Prohibition i Platform Building so
ciety, Inc., New York. A high rate
of dividends would be paid, they
said.
"They alleged . the society was
backed by William J. Bryan as presi
dent, and Billy Sunday, as manager.
To prove these statements they pro
duced letters apparently signed by
both Bryan and Sunday, as well as a
letter from a local minister stating
that it was a sound proposition and
that he had bought several shares of
the stock. ,
"Three-Quarter-Sawed Oak." t
"The platform, they said, would
be built of the very best material,
three-quarter-sawed oak and rein
forced concrete. The location of
the platform in Omaha was to be
decided by the local stockholders
at their first meeting.
They seemed anxious to get Lib
erty bonds in payment for their
stock certificate. This orobablv was
due to the fact that checks made out
to the 'Platform Building society'
would be hard to cash. The check I
gave them has not been cashed yet,
so I presume they destroyed it. The
Liberty bond I gave them I consider
lost. ..
"Thev worked together -when one
got tired ot talking, the other started
right in where she left off, and be
tween the two the first thing I knew
I had purchased some shares of
stock, which looked like genuine
stock certificates. a
"I did. not suspect the deal was a
fake until I wrote to the address
given on the stock certificate at New
York. Yesterday the letter was re
turned marked 'no such address.'
Was "Smooth" Came.
"I feci that I have been a victim
of a smooth confidence game and
there's the .ceftincate," pointing to a
neatly framed . certificate hanging
above his desk. "If anyone ever
tries to sell me stock in any business,
I shall point t6 that
"One thing I would like to know
is, when the stockholders in the Pro
hibition Platform Building society,
Inc., will have their first meeting.
I want to see just how many stock
holders there are besides mc."
Levy Harks Back to "
Advertising Policy in 1
Omaha 30 Years Ago
Morris Levy of the Nebraska
Clothing Co. was in a reminiscent
mood the other afternoon when he
harked back to business conditions
in Omaha 30 years agto, referring
particularly to advertising in news
papers by merchants.
"I remember when we paid a
newspaper $80 per month for an
advertisment three columns, 6 inches
to be run every day except Sun
day," he said. "We did not use
illustrations in our ads in those days.
I also remember how I felt when
the ad man called one day and
stated that the contract would have
to be increased to $100 per month.
It is air dtnerent now. Business
men use illustrations" and do not
think much of using a whole page.
They spend thousands where they
spent hundreds before in . news
paper advertising space. Advertis-
ing today is one ot the important
features of any successful busin
ess." ...
i i i 1 ' I - ! 11
Bouquet of Live, Human Interest Stories About People
Census Taker's Path Was
Strewn With Many Thorns
Once Is Enough, Says One Man Who Went Through
the Mill Indoor Sports Have Nothing On Fun
With Prober Into Family Affairs Age Question
Is Hardest "Sticker."
Verily the way of the census
taker is hard.' and when he is old he
(kparteth from it. . - .
Once is enough I The man who
bobs up smiling after one round at
counting the noses of Uncle Sam's
family deserves the D. S. M., the
Croix de Guerre with palm, and the
thanks congress. I know, for. I
submitted are names of people or
maps of their native land, and the
weapon to defend himself from the
house dog.
For the cenus enumerator is not
as welcome as the flowers in May
don't think it Sometimes he has to
remind the "lady of the house"
ana Ut man too that there is
J
4
was one. .-
Yet it's an amusing job. Plenty of
sport indoof and outdoor. All a
man needs to bea good census
enumerator is the gift of second
sight, the diplomacy of a foreign
minister, the, manners of a Chester
field, the courage of a Y. D. veteran,
the' skill of a handwriting expert,
penalty for- refusing information.,
And while he is ' establishing his
credentials cute little Fido or as-
ture-Iooking Rover isvon the job,
The mistress of the house will in
form him that Fido is perfectly
harmless but Fido looks at you with
the same expression that she does
the patience Of Job and the optimism
of Pollyanna. For equipment, he
needs a magnifying glass, a good
club or gun, an electric .flashlight
and a map of the world.
He must be, a mind reader to de
cide which of conflicting answers is
the right one; must- be suave in
manner, to mollify injured feelings
herself ready to bite! ( ' -
The map is no joke4-you really
need that, for in the war poor old
Europe was so carved up that for
eign residents, who must tell in what
province they were born, often don't
know. The Irish are an exception,
for they can always- tell you the
county, although it is not required.
and coax information that is given
unwillingly; must possess the ability
to estimate at a glance the age of
indjgnant ladies, all the way from
, Ihfir 'teen3 to nineties.
The flashlight is to find the way
by night through dark . alleys and
byways; the magnifying glass to dis-tr-aieh
. whether ceitain scrawls
To the question, "Where were you
born?" they will answer, not "Iter
land," but "County Cork," "County
Donegal," ' County Kilkenny," and
so on. Take this from me the
Irish were the brightest pf all the
kinds qf people I. met within my
rounds; they wei isioog the most
intelligent and the readiest In their
reblies. I
Some people aren't capable of
.
giving a piain answer to a piain
question.
Ont of the questions on the in
dividual slip follows: '
"Is this persen blind (both
eyes)?" .
Qne woman had written on her
blank:
"Yes, both eyes." I asked to see
this person when I called and found
her wearing "specs." I asked her
to remove them, and then said
"Can you see me?"
sure i can see you," she an
swered, "but I can't sew on black
cloth at night. ,
She was not blind, and I congrat
ulated her on having officially re
gained her sight.
One question- gave a lot of
trouble: "Relationship to head of
family with whom you live?"
About all the adults claimed to be
the head of the family. Especially
in lodging houses. Sometimes as
many as 30 ot 40 people living in
one building' would all claim to be
the "head of the family."
Question No. 9, asking what sex
the person is, would be answered:
"I am a lady," "A lone woman"
or "Just married." -
When I asked people their color
they would get indignant.
But the big question was that of
women's ages. . Some got mad,
some refused to answer, some an
swered under protest, some just
naturally told fibs. One woman
said:
"Oh, dear, do I have to answer
that horrid -question?" At last she
saM: "I'll not tell you. You can
put down what you think is right."
I placed her in- my mind s not
much over 30. -but I wrote down
"45." When I was going she asked
me what I had written, and I showed
her. Then she laughed and said I
was a poor mage, she was only
38" on her coming birthday. So I
put her down as 37. but if 1 had
guessed 35, say, in the first place, I
wouidn t have found out her right
age. There's one of the places where
you need a little diplomacy.
Marital condition i is one of the
questions. People get that word
mixed up with "martial." Some of
the answers I got were, "In the
army," "good" and "American."
I was taken for everything, from
a book agent to a tax collector, from
an insurance solicitor to a secret
service officer after "reds," or" an in
come tax collector. Often I had to
go back to the same house acain and
again to get information about some
member who wasn Tome. Some
times it would haooen that in cover
ing my district. I would ring'' the same
vcu iwice, ana men wnai a nuDDUD.
'.'What! Are you 'round again? I
gave you all the names and slips the
first, time! I guess you've lost your
senses. Mister."
JL did my allotted work in 12 davs.
VOrking morning, noon and night,
week days and Sundays. Often I'd
work till midnight and be up and at
it again at 7 in the morning. A great
life if you don't weaken but, as I
aid before, once it enough.
WHY DO PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATES FLOCK TO
SEN. STINGER'S CITY?
Politicians See Great Significance In
Visits to Omaha by Wood,
Pershing, Bryan and
Lowden.
Only five months till the big polit
ical conventions meet to nominate
candidates for president of the
United States.
These are busy days for General
A. Stinger, foremost candidate for
this, the highest office within the gift
of the people. s
Ojther candidates for this high of
fice have been coming ,to General
Stinger's home city in increasing
numbers since the country was
startled, a few weeks aeo. by the an
nouncement that General Stifiger had
consented to make the race.
General Leonard Wood and Gen
eral John J. Pershing have visited
Omaha since then. Each has been
mentioned as a candidate.
William Jennings Bryan and Gov
ernor Lowden, of Illinois, have seen
fit to visit the city where General
Stinger livs.
Reckoning With Stinger.
These occurrences have terrific
significance to people who have their
ears to the ground, as the tellow
said. Why have these more or less
prominent men felt it necesesary to
come to Omaha?
They realize the power of General
Stinger. They know where he
stands with the people. The generat
is known as "the neoole's friend."
These other men who are talking of
making theTace know they will have
General Stinger to reckon with.
General Stinger's platform will in
sure his victory at the polls. Here
it is: - i
1. Immediate increase in
wages of 50 to 100 per cent (as
soon as General Stinger takes
office). ' .
2. Reduction in the cost of liv
ing of 50 to 75 per cent (within
one month after General Stinger
enters the White House).
3. (Modification of the prohibi
tion amendment so as to allow
sale of all liquors containing not
more than 40 per cent alcohol.
General Stinger, when seen today
at his office, declared he had noth
inir to sav.
"Did these other candidates for
president come to Omaha to see
you?" he was asked. v
"I saw them all while they were
here," he replied.
"Is there any talk of running one
of them as vice president on the
ticket with you?"
"I might be willing to consider
such arrangement," he said, briefly.
.This shows' that General Stinger ;s
not bigoted. If one of the other
candidates requests to be put on the
ticket with General Stinger he will
probably consent.
Nickel Campaign Manager.
The - appointment of Clarence
Small Nickel as camoaiRn manager
for General Stinger was a develop
ment of the campaign during the last
week.
Mr. Nickel, until recently; was em
ployed in the delivery department of
a leading laundry. Differences be
tween him and the foreman regard
ing the amount of money he turned
in from his laundry route caused
severance of his connection with this
industry. To avoid notoriety, Mr.
Nickel permitted the amount of the
alleged shortage to be deducted from
his last week's pay.
' Mr. Nickel says the outlook for
General Stinger is the brightest pos
sible. . '
"Victory is practically assured," he
declared. "The country is for Gen
eral Stinger, a man was in 10 see
me from the Little Pappio just last
week and he said he has heard
Stinger favorably mentioned by sev
eral there." s
HUSK HUSKS
(Bench News In Blair Pilot)
Chas. Husk is busy gathering
his mammoth crop of corn.
The Census in Horse Creek.
(Ewtng Advocate)
Joie Littlebink wants a couple
expert accountants to help him
take the canine census on Horse
Creek. He is willing to wager
that this district can beat any
other on earth for untagged, un
owned, short and long haired
hounds, shepherds, and garbage
hunting mongrels. He is going
to try to employ Ichabod Mug
and, Willie Cum to list the for
eign element.
.
' For the Defense.
Dempsey was probably more pa
triotic than some chaps who rushed
into the army to escape home duties.
This hue and cry against a man who
is undoubtedly courageous and de
cent is small business. "If this be
treason, make the most of it."
NEBRASKA.
(Gothenburg Independent.)
I long for no place else to go,
I love dear old Nebraska; it's
healthier than Mexico, with more
girls than Alaska. It's people
are the friendly kind, and Bill's
as good as Mary. Come west;
leave all your grief behind, and
help fill up this prairie.
Fair Warning.
(Hemlnrford Ledger.)
If the party who took my
buggy from my yard several
weeks ago does not return same
at once, I will send officers for
it He was seen to take same,
with a tractor. E. Reynolds.
Missouri Mule Will
Not, Obey Orders of
German Army Bosses
Farmers are considered the great
est track users in the United States
and it is estimated that 78,000 trucks
are now used in hauling farm prod
ucts. ,
Alan. alack, (or Boston,
Her wledonj wag but raked;
for, Ilk the rat, old Boeton'e bleat
With dome who'd never stand the teet,
. W1U btua Uat are half baked.
. esBm fwraaa. .
h "
Coblenz, Germany, (Special.)
Now you take Maude for instance
simon pure, 100 per cent American
that she is she just won't stand
for any German concerts, either
She balks at beinz ordered around
in a language that's strange to her
and dozens of German laborers in
the employ, of the American Army
of Occupation here, have been
"Gott strafing Missouri" lately.
These laborers were engaged in
improving the roads hereabouts
with the aid of a hundred Or more
American mules and were having a
terrible time of it until an officer
of our new democratic army hu
manely taught them three magic
English words, "Whoa," "Gee" and
"Giddap."
Then, and only then, did Missouri
agree to an armistice.
The attendance at the recent auto
mobile show held in London num
bsrad 285,837 people, -
"Expert" Advice On
Income Tax Largely
"Fake," Says Officer
"Expert advice" oirfncome tax re
turns has become a common com
modity on the ooen market United
States Revenue Collector Loomis of
the Omaha office says.
There is no special law or regula
tion about these, says Mr. Loomis,
and all sorts of fellows are making
money out of it. . Those who pat
ronise some of them have no guar
anty that their income tax blanks
are made out correctly after they
have paid their fees.
, "One man in Lincoln found there
was a slight error on his income tax
return and went to one of these so
called experts, said Judge Loomis.
'The 'expert took a train to Omaha,
and came to our office where the
tax blank was properly filled out by
a clerk in about 10 minutes. The
'expert' went back to Lincoln and
turned over the paper to his client,
collecting a $50 fee. His profit was
$50 minus the railroad fare td
Omaha and return, and he had done
Draeticelly nothingy
Omahan Adds Story
From Chicago to
Large Repertoire
F. X. Brogan has a new story, at
least he has another story, which he
has added to his repertoire. Listen:
"I was in Chicago last fall during
the world's series games and was
attracted by the wild words of a
man who was jelling 'Hurrah for the
Reds! Hurrah for the Reds! I was
not giving much thought at the time
to the world's series.
"Suddenly, a man who heard the
wild words in favor of the Reds,
rushed up with a policeman, intend
ing to have the vociferous person
arrested for being in league with the
bolsheviki. .
"The policeman noted that the
stranger had by his side a suit case
inscribed, 'John Smith, Cincinnati.'
Questioned as to whether he was a
red or a true blue Chicagoan, the
stranger, white with rage, explained
that he was a citizen and taxpayer
of Cincinnati and was yelling for the
Cincinnati Reds and would continue
to veil as long as the right of free
speed) .was held inviolate,' ,
Silk Stocking vs. Church
Problem at Leffingwells
; . . : : h ... -
Pa Puts His Foot Down With Staccato Notes, and Ma
Vakes Biting Remark About the $2 Steamboat
Ride at the World's "Fair in Chicago in 1893
Mary Meanders Through a Peace Tune on Piano.
, By EDWARD BLACK.
Mrs. What's-Her-Name tripped
over, to the Leffingwell barracks to
hold an afternoon confab on matters
of more or less Importance inevery-
day affairs. Mrs. Leffingwell was
engaged in the exhilarating task pf
ironing togas ior Henry. She re
ceived, the neighbor with usual good
nature and was. ready to hear an
other outburst of inside information
outwardly expressed.
"Mrs. Leffingwell, I have some
thing to teli you," the caller began,
as if her hostess were not aware of
the oncoming revelations. "I have
some awful news for you and I
know that you won't tell Mrs. So
and-So, because'she tells everything
to Mrs. Twostep, who does not like
me because she thought 1 was look
ing at her the other afternoon when
she was talking to the coffee man.
Well, I might as well tell you what
it is: My man told me that I must
not wear silk stockings because he
read that the devil is in them and
he did not think it was becoming
for a married woman to wear them,
anyway. I think that tie just wanted
an excuse, so that he wouidn t have
to buy them for me, and you know
that' I lust adore them. 1 think I
would die if I could not have silk
stockings. .,
Church and Silk Stockings.
"Do vou think that a -woman
should belong to a church and wear
silk stockines? My man said he
wondered that the church did not
fall on me. I had a good cry and
then he said he would let his beard
grow unless I stopped crying." ..
Mrs. Leffingwell was more con
cerned over Henry's corns than she
was about silk stockings. Her view
point of life leff her to be tolerant.
Her own lack of these articles of
wear did not cause her to be censori
ous or envious.
"If vou can afford silk stockings
and wearing them does not disturb
your conscience, then i ao noi see
why you should be denied them,"
she replied to her caller.
i: "But what is 'bothering me is,"
whether I should let my conscience
or my husband be my guide," Mrs.
What's-Her-Name added, as she
skipped away as blithely as she had
come.
Leffingwell, the mild reservation-
jst of the house, had been resting
m his easy chair, according to his
daily habit after having partaken
of evening rations. He overheard
some of the feminine discussion and
seemed disturbed and perturbed. His
corns were bothering him and it
was about time anyway for him to
be heard.
"We have with us this evening
Henry Leffingwell," Mrs. Leffing
well thought, but she did not say it.
She just admitted it to herself. She
ieigned a deep interest in a seed
catalogue while Henry was men
tally getting warmed up.
''I have just been reading some
thing that wi jrritteft bx HOJlam
Henry Channing," Leffingwell be
gan, "and I want to read it to the
Leffingwells," and he read as fol
lows: '
"To live content with small
means; to seek elegance ralhfer than
luxury, and refinement rather than
fashion; to be worthy, not respec
table, and wealthy, not rich; to lis
ten to stars and birds, babes and
sages with open heart. To study
hard, to think quietly, act frank
ly, talk gently, await occasions and
hurry never; in 4 word, to let the
spirjtual, unbidden and unconscious
grow, up through the common
this is my symphony." ;
"What we need is more work -and
less worry," he went on, turning
to the members of his family for ap
proval. ,
Mrs. Leffingwell looked up from
her seed catalogue and nodded af
firmatively. "Pa, let's ko out and the
air, chirped Willie, who was pop
ping corn ,n the kitchen.
Women are worrvinc ton tnnrh
about what they are going to wear
or have in their homes." Henry con
tinued. "That's what causes so
much unrest. When one gets aiew
bonnet the other wants a more ex
pensive one. Ihey shut their eyes
to the law of supply and demand.
I hey just want what thev want when
they want it I suppose, Mrs. L,ef
fingwell, that the next thing I will
hear will be that you have bought a
pair 01 siik siocKtngs just to keep
up with Mrs. What s-Her-Name.
Silk stockings will come into this '
house only bver your deceased hus
band's body."
Famous Steamboat Ride.
Pa, I don't like your staccato
notes," Willie remarked, as he
brought in the popcorn and passed
it around.
"If we would develop purpose,
power and poise, we must work
more and worry less." Leffinewell
added, reaching for the popcorn.
Henry Lemngweli. when did vou
join the Band of Willing Workers?"
his wife rebutted. "Your words do
not stand on all fours with your
practices. I suppose you would
nave me go out in the same dress I
wore when I went to the Columbian
exposition with you in Chicago dur
ing 1893, when yon spent $2 for a
steamboat ride. You talk like a
cave man. What you had better do
is to start a family budget and then
perhaps I might get enough money
for a new apron."
"Pass the loving cup," said Willie,
and then Mary went to the piano
and began to sing "I'm Forever
Blowing Bubbles."
Sinnapaschugy is the word coined
by the Navajo Indians of Utah for
motor car, and it is literally trans
lated to mean wagon that goes with
a "chug."
The number of motor cars in Kan
sas City, Mo., has increased in 10
years from 750 to aonroximatelv
r