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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 28, 1919)
THA THE OMAHA SUNDAY BED 12 B OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 28, 1919. Do not renpr SWORN OFF , YrHY YOW OLD OEVfL, YOU ff.f fiOCMA POLICE VIPTJ 0' I . tAJll Ed thai -t -.airX 1 I 0 m: i rru -en For Elocutionist to Win Dr. Earl Connolly Had Hero Mounting Ladder Until ' Timekeeper Called Halt to Contest Prompter - Failed in Duty to Friend Retires in Confusion. 17 promise o he jo? aoouf Afore J & TVittttcoznelfoMzs ? And now comes the season for resolutions.. What wonderful opportunities along this line the year 19:0 pre sents to Omaha! .The whole state of Nebraska would be pleasantly stunned by a formal declaration of the Omaha po lice ' department that they have "sworn off" arresting reputable citi zens as "vags" and are going to put nil of their spare time into legit mate efforts to capture the many gangs of Jhieves," robbers, highjackers, pick pockets, holdup men and the like which have been infesting the fair Gate City of the West for, lo these many moons. - Why; it wouldn't surprise us any, then, if ). Dean Ringer would re olve to clean out the "department" In an effort to get them down to real business. , But 'it's a Secret And "Merely a Woman" whispers to her. dearest friends that the "Gen tleman Burglar" in a secret per fumed message, has told her that he is about to "swear off" his pub licity campaign and leave his tick lish profession to the lower form of man or. mammal. 1 Mister Palmer, that eminent dig nitary, in Wash. D. C, in a public Statement to the Chinese press, ex-pressed-an expectation that Dn H. C L. is about to leave his high horso, and by March 1, only three months after "Resolution Day," prices would be down to where us common folk" "could have an egg now and then for our usual meager breakfast without cracking the Hay den safe or highjacking some noble mansion on the hilL A uai hoi now Of course, 1920 means a bad year for the old timer who has 'been in the habit of "Swearing off" John nie Barleycorn. He'll probably fall victim to the force of habit and star tle . Friend Wife on New Year's morn that he "is off for good'1 of that, genteel and brainy food, tho' nerve . wracking liquor, "Mocca Java." You Bet It Will Oh, it'll be a wild old new year, this year.. , They'll probably toot some whis tles and fire a pistol or two. And some of -us will stagger along Six teenth street, or Farnam, just like old times. - - Why, just listen In at any street-corner-gathering and you'll - hear some or the wildest plans for a hot time in the old town tbnight, New Year's ve, we mean, that could ever emanate from the human brain. But the real problem of the day, which confronts the modern young Bacchus, is NOT where he's going to get the wherewithal to promote an H. T. G. party that "Eve" his troubles at present, are WHAT can he "swear off? The state government is assisting him away, from cigarettes, and the federal government is doing its best to draw him away from the old snake bite remedy. Yes Very, Very Little. Really, there's little left to resolve. Lots of them have resolved to wear, old clothes with patches, until w. k. Doctors comes from that Wi k. high horse. And rumors are prevalent, that along with the New Year's resolu tions of the Omaha police depart ment, and the Gentleman Burglar, Colonel Hoopenblozzom, eminent profiteer, will greet the new year of 1920 with the resolve not to overcharge any more than he has been doing in the past. But .even that will help- Oh, it's going to be a tough old -a bit I new year, all right Gin Remember When Hotel Man Owed $10 And Felt Bankrupt "This day of high prices always reminds me by contrast'of the time, about 10 years ago, . when .Will Leighton and I were running a saw mill in Arkansas," said George Barker, jr. "I remember my board and room cost me $3.50 a week, my washing amounted to about 20 cents a week. "We paid our expert sawyers as high as $2 a day and they were glad to get it and worked hard for 10 hours to earn it. Our laborers at the saw mill there in the backwoods earned $1.25 a day. "One day the man who ran a hotel in the hamlet came to me very much perturbed and discour aged. 'I think I'll have to try to sell out my hotel and get a few pigs and a cow and chickens and have a little place to do a little farming,' he said. 'I can't stand the strain here. The storekeepers won't give me any credit and I don't know how in the world I'm going to pay my debts.' " 'Well,' I said, 'how much do you owe now, Mr. Pilk.' " 'It's nearly $10,' he said. "Just imagine a man being so hard up that he was going to sell out his hotel because he owed $10. , "I forgot to say that at the place where I boarded the landlord took 15 cents off my week's bill when ever I missed a meal. "Thcjse were the days Dr. Earl Connolly, Omaha dentist, is quite an elocutionist At least he was once, when he was attending Crieghton college. His college day friends tell a good yarn at his expense. Two preliminary contests are held each year at Creighton to determine what men shall speak in the public elocution contest. Earl got through the first preliminary in good shape. Several hundred -Creighton stu dents and nearly as many students from other Omaha schools attended the second preliminary as guests of the college. The preliminary was held in the Creighton auditorium. Connolly was speaking "The Fire man Hero," or something of the sort, wherein a fireman climbed op a lad der to the 'steenth floor of burning building and rescued a far-haired baby girl. One of the professors at the college stood in the wings tim ing each speaker. "When each had spoken four minutes the' professor called time. Connolly also had posted a prompter in the wings. Climbs the Ladder. ''Clen.-lung his manly jaw," spoke Connolly, "the fireman here plunged through the excited crowd, climbed up the ladder " Then he forgot his lines. He "stalled" for a second or two and tried again: " plunged through the excited crowd, climbed up " "Time's up!" called the professor from the wings. Earl thought it was his prompter. "Climbed up ," said Earl with a dainty jesture. "Time's up!" called the timer a bit louder. "Climbed up," insisted Earl. "Time's up!" yel' d the timer. "Climbed up," returned Connolly. "Get off the stage!" Earl retired in confusion. Hence These Tears (12,000 Chicago Saloon Men Fac. Loss of Job. Nws Item.) Pin crepe upon the swinging doors or each denatured bar And send the tidings lachrymal to rounders near and far; Twelve thousand mixers of the juice that makes a guy feel swell Are pried loose from the pay roll hey, sexton, toll the bell! . 'This many a night on either side the old mahog we've stood And bumped a stein together in the day that's gone for good; I knew them all. both large and small, thejr first names, nick names, too, ' ' . And some of them I've tried to kiss while gathering a stew. Their willing ear, their sympathy wholesouled, I'll ne'er forget, Their subtile repartee, jests and quips are with me yet; Their chivalry, their breadth of view, their lore on song and art, , . ' Sustain me in the arid times since , we have had to part The town is cluttered up with joints where kickless jav and tea May be partaken of, and O, the dif ference to me! And now the last blow's fallen; twelve thousand 'neath it fell; To thinkthey've got to go to work it's hell, it's simply hjelll Guy F. Lee in Chicago Tribune. Boy! Page the Police Another Holdup Is Reported in Omaha ; On the night before Christ mas three young men, members of Omaha's "supper crust" were full of revelry and highjacked wine. The wine they had duly purchased from a popular highjacker and the revelry had been acquired as a na tural senitpnre. Abbut midnight their ready funds' had been depleted. They sank back on the plush cushions of their lux urious Hudson sedan and tried to think' of something to do for noth ing. The only thing they cou.d think of was to eat. And thev couldn't do without money. - As they drove west past the Ho ld Fontenclle they noticed a lone pedestrian walking east near the Masonic temple. They nulled up to the curb, stepped onto the side walk and "strongarmed" Mr. Pe destrian for $5. He had $11 and rorae cents. They returned all bur $5. Then they explained that the little dinner they had planned would cost just $5 for four persons. He was cordially invited to "sit in." When he refused they took the $5 anyway. Instructed him to hur ry home, stepped into their coupe and drove over to a chop suey house for midnight lunch. The pedestrian didn't report the matter to the police., Bouquet of Live, Human Interest Stories About . People Eligible Omaha Bachelors Iow, here's Harry' Cockrefl, the exquisite, young Beau Brummel and Lord Chesterfield of the Boyd thea ter,; who has managed to escape mat rimony thus far. . , - See how he's ' all dressed tip in his English tweed hat, the only one of its kind in Omaha, . except one, that is worn by J. Thexton Arm strong.' ; :" ' Harry has a debonnaire manner, a fetching' smile, a kindly expression and a nice disposition. :t Once .when he was living at Jer eyville, 111., the Terseyville Demo crat described him as follows: x r ti .. "! ii i oi youngexquisite who dances di- vinely- and whose hands never lock better than when they are manipulating the keys of a piano." Pretty nice, eh? And Harry is Jusf the same today as he was then. , ;" . ' He Knows 'Em AIL " You see him selling tickets some times at the Boyd, but that is only Vhen- Miss Savage, the regular ticket dispenser, is out Harry is business 'manager of the Boyd and he knows more famous actors and aetressei by their first names than anyone else we know of. The theater is Harry's sphere both by birth and preference. .'-".Elsie-Jam's,' the great actress, is his cousin. Mrs. Oliver Morosco u bis second cousin. Adorning the walls of his apart Kent at the Merriam are the auto graphed photographs of Sir Forbes Robertson, Robert Mantell, Harry Lauder,." William Faversham, Max ine Elliott, Al Jolson and scores ot others. - ( Came From Illinois. But, girls,' you'll probably want to know a bit more about his his tory. Well, he was born at Alton, the-town after which the Chi cago & vAlton railway was named. His father, , Judge Cockrell, took 'leading part in the political demonstrations which marked the vinous Lincoln-Douglas" debate Harry came here with his parents when he was 20 years old. He is devoted to his mother, who Is now 82. They live together at the Merriam hotel. ? Harry, as the little piece quoted above intimates, is an accomplished pianist. ' A grand piano is one of the principal ornaments of his home. . Though he is a bachelor, he is the composer of two, famous lullabys. "Ope Your Hands and Close You' Eyes" and "The Sleep Man's Com ing." They were sung in the pro- ; duction of "The Newly Weds." X Popular at Weddings. . Another odd thing about this an.iable bachelor is that he has been ' either best man or usher at 19 count 'em 19 weddings. It got to be such, a habit that Rev. T. J. Mackay, once exclaimed, "Good gracious, Harry, isn't your turn ever - going to' come to be the groom?" Rev. Mr. Mackay is one of his est friends. . - . ulhert you are, girls. He looks Cocktell I I like a good bet to us. , A chap who is good" to his mother and likes mu sic and composes lullabys well, he looks like a mighty safe bet. in the matrimonial lottery. s Besides, you know, all those good shows that come to the Boyd and those little, old passes--say, boyl Maybe It's AH Right to Stretch the Words of The Law Some, But ' ,.-V - This is the law's definition of a vagrant as detailed on a vagrancy complaint: . , "Unlawfully an idle person not having visible means of support, and maintenance and who lives without employment and wanders abroad and lives in taverns, beer' houses, sheds, barns jand open air and can not giye a good account of -himself and is a suspicious character and is a vagrant contrary to the ordinances of the city of Omaha and contrary to the peace and dignity of the state of Nebraska." Here's the Omaha police officer's definition: "(a) -Any person, young or old, healthy or feeble, rich or poor, who refuses to obey EVERY command of a policeman. '-. , "(b) Any man, woman or child a policeman wants to arrest and can't think of ahything to charge him with. "(c) Any man, woman or child who. is arrested for something, "but against whom the police haven't suf ficient evidence to convict "(d) Anybody and everybody who isn't a policeman." They Can Always Float a Loan. - People who invest in watered stocks ought not to complain if they get soaked. Cartoons Magazine. 1 fir ii Bj 1. f -rusroLL n fi Q INSPIRING STORY OF THE LIFE OF GE N. STINGER Birth and Early Career of the ; Man Who Is a Candidate . for the Presidency. r The consent of General A. Stin ger, editor of The Bumble Bee, to become a candidate for the presi dency of the United States has aroused a demand that something of the career of this remarkable man be told. Ananias Stinger first saw the light cf day April 1, 1860 at Turnip Hill, Neb., where his parents had a porm inent place in business and social circles. . Mrs. Stinger, mother of little An anias, did much to clean up the town, operating with her own, hands, a A. Stinger Explains His Great Invention. home laundry -while her husband was out of work. This was much Lof the time, owing to the long pe riod of inactivity in Mr. Minger s profession, that of Christmas tree dceorator, Mr. Beelzebub Stinger, father of Ananias, went or was escorted to the state capitol at Lincoln on sev eral occasions where, , according to the records, he bacame the guest bf the state for periods ranging from one' to seven years. Ananias was the seventh child in the Stinger home, there having been six born before him. Father at the Capital. r Passing over the first five years of his life during most of which time his father was at the capital city or a few miles south of there, we arrive at the day .when he start ed to school. He soon showed that his would be a career of distinction. He wasn't in school two years before he had learned the A. B. C. Before he was 10 years of age he could add 2 and 2 and knew that twice 3 is 6. Owing to what is believed to have been jealousy of his teachers he was not promoted as fast as the other children and at the age of 16, hay ing then succeeded in attaining mastery of the spelling of many words of two syllables, he was com pelled by the poverty of his parents to help cam the living. He secured a position in the large i . ' Birthplace of A. Stinger. (A. Stinger Sliding Down th Bank.) doughnut mills of Turnip HilL These mills make and ship doughnuts all over the world. At that time doughnuts were made without holes. It had never oc curred to the people that a hole could be put into the middle of the doughnut. . According to tradition the great idea of a hole in a doughnut came to Ananias Stinger one day as he was watching the boys pitching quoits. "If they can put a hole through the middle of a quoit, why not put them in doughnuts?" Ananias rea soned. The Great Invention. No sooner ' reasoned than done. Ananias went home, secured some old wrapping paper and a stub pen cil and made a drawing of a dough nut with a hole in it He prepared complete plans and specifications. That very evening he knocked at the door cf old Peter Tubbs, million aire doughnut, magnate. i A servant led the way into the library where old Peter was seated by the fireplace. "What do you want?" demanded the doughnut king, seeing the hum ble employe before him. "I have an invention to show you, sir." said Ananias.- "Huht Nothing much you've got!" grunted old Peter. Ananias said: "Nothing but a doughnut with a hole in it!" The doughnut king sat up, electri fied. "A doughnut with a hole in it I" he exclaimed. "But is that possi ble?" "Not only possible but as good as donel" cried the young man. "I have the complete drawings and specifications here." ' Far into the night the great mag nate and the poor youth sat, poring over the drawings. The next day the great doughnut mills began turning out doughnuts with holes in them! And ever since then the world has come to recog nize this as the best kind of dough nut. If old Peter Tubbs had had a daughter, General Stinger might not be a bachelor today. v Ah, who knows! (To be continued.) The Election in Oak Creek. (Oak Creak Ntwt, Sent In nv Max GrudlmM i the Aihton Herald). Sixty-five votes were cast at the election last Tuesday in this precinct and one was a , ladies vote. A. Wall received 10 votes and Hiyo Aden 54, for delegates to the constitu tional convention. And the proposition for a new court house was defeated by 36 votes about 25 votes staying home to slop the hogs. Seems like they have got so used to slopping they can't think of nothing else but slop hogs. Our brother correspondent from Paplin gave us good ad vice about shooting troubel. Hut failed to tell us where to buy the trouble shooter. Mrs Gravel lost a hog several 'ays apo and it seems imposs :be to find WHERE? V We could write lots of cutie things about New Year's but we say nothing except this: Where will we be when they white it "2019?" "As Strong as Iron Bands. " (An"ki Iteme la Butte Gazette). a Mr. Strong will arrive with his family in a few days, and will open up his blacksmith shop in a short time DISGRACEFUL. "Shriners were there adorned n their red feazee and wide -miles," said a write up of the Shriner entertainment at the 3randeis last Saturday. TV . . Ineligible Bachelor. Boysrtown Democrat) Constable Milton M. Gery of Harlem removed James L, Rauch. an old hermit, to the Berka County Home near Shil lington, on Monday. Mr. Rauch is single and lived in a shanty at Green Valley, or Devil's Hole. He is more than u years old and was a basket maker by trade. r. ANOTHER POIM. Submitted by La Vaa Duee. the Proof Bay, Whe Syt Friend ot Hie Wrote It If t could run the street carl Triors one thin I would do I'd stop at every crossing i Until I had a f-w 1 Tlun erlth the mon all seated . With a woman on each lap I'll bet by ajosh thororl b no trouble Kor the rest t And a trai. WALT WISLER. H. Leffingwell Lingers In Realms' of Relativity But While Expounding to His Ever Attentive Family On the Right Time and the Right Place for Things, Madame L: Reminds Him His "Place" At That "Time." ' - By EDWARD BLACK. Henry LcfHngwell, the night watchman of the Leffingwell ob servatory, was endeavoring to get a foothold on Dr. Albert Einstein's new theory of relativity, which takes the place of gravitation and seeks to upset all of our beliefs in the existence of absolute time or place. He was in a quandary, because he had been a firm believer in the law of gravitation ever since he fell from an apple tree many years ago and tore a new pair of trousers which had been given to him by his uncle, Hiram, who was a leader of the community center down at Wilkin's general merchandise store, where the village solons foregathered around the large stove on cold eve nings to whittle sticks, tell how the government should be run and to listen to .Henry Umph play his mouth orgdn. . An Academic Interest Leffiingwell had at least an acad emic interest and understanding of relativity as applied to everyday af fairs, but 'he was something of a Missourian when it came to un horsing his confidence in the belief that what goes up must come down, unless supported. He had no quarrel with Dr. Ein stein, who insists that there is no absolute time or place, but he was willing to debate that point with the illustrious doctor. He would agree that there is no absolute place where he might find his slippers when he returned to the home nest at eventide, nor was there any absolute time when his wife would be ready if she were go ing out with him, but in; the general scheme of men and affairs he knew there was sufficient definiteness in time and place to get him to work in time in the mornings and to get him home in time in the evening to take his place as part of the con suming public with the Leffingwell family at the dinner table. Qualities of Soul Mrs. Leffingwell, his fireside com panion, was addressing herself to the annual task of preparing Christmas cards for mailing. She, had been conversing with Mrs. What's-Her-Name in the kitchen, this neighbor having called to promote her latest propaganda of a new form of so called higher thought, which at tributed the qualities of soul to any thing and everything while you waited. ' "You know there is the soul of music," the caller said, radiantly," and there is also the soul of house keeping. If you could brr" your self into that sublimated mental state that would enable you to see the soul ot housekeeping, then there would be no such thing as 'drudgery in your domestic economy. There would be a song in your heart for every task." Madame Leffingwell Ponders. Mrs. Leffingwell was wondering whether she could obtain an extra bottle of that remedy for her Henry, because she thought he needed ! .l: a- i . Lucky Bazar Victim Objects to Shouts, 'Look at Santa Claus' So far in the young life- of Dr "Jimmie" O'Neil, a' tooth extractor, or one of those pain promoters, he t t .1 r -!.. .....!,.,., uas uecu idKcu iui ucaiiy cvi:i j Lump and everybody from himself to Al Jolsbn. T'other night after attending a gd fest and apron lottery, commonly called a bazar, according to one Noah Webster, he fell heir to four hams, six slabs of pork siding, six packages of pancake flour, a Kom ical Kiss puzzle, a homemade doily and a peck of apples, he said. The dentist chanced towear a sheepherder's coat to the community bazar that nieht. On his way home he carried every item he won,' ex- something to put a little music into cept the peck of apples. He found his soul. The last time she heard him break into song was on the oc casion of a Fourth of July celebra tion, when she visited ner folks oh the farm, and her brother gave Lefr fingwell a drink of hard cider into which she believed someone had dropped raisins for generil results. Anyway, she recalled that when the old settlers gathered in the park. L. lCillUB well nsuicu IV lu wicr wui- munity singing, whereupon several inquired whether he sang in a choir at home or whether he had been at tending singing school. When Mrs. What's-Her-Name had taken her leave, Mrs. Leffingwell went in to join her husband and the other peace conferees of her house hold. She loked at Henry and then stood at attention, as if sensing the unspoken command that was on the face of her chief executive. his wav bv peering over the cum bersome bundles. Twice he slipped and skinned the bark off his knees. As he passed through the semi-light ' of a street lamp a youngster, who chanced to be nearby, yelled; "Ob look at Santy Claus." - Doc heard the epithet and walked on. Second Piece of Pie. , "I have been wondering whether the LefUngwells know anything abrut the value of time and place, of being in the right place at the right time," the head of the house begam , "Say, pa, did you ever hear of the time, place and the' girl?" Wil lie asked, irreverently. "The person that finds his right place and then improves his time in making the most of that place, is the one that is going to get the second piece of pie, figuratively speaking," the sage of the Leffing well home continued. "Pa," interrupted Willie again, "I went over to Mrs. So-and-So's to day and told her that my ma said I should not ask for a piece of pie, but that if she asked me to have some pie, I need not say 'No,' and then she gave n.e a piece of pie." Gives an Object Lesson. "I want the Leffingwells to un derstand that time and place rep resent about- the best combination they can play in the game of life," Henry added, striking a pose like a man who seems to know what he is talking about. Mrs. Leffingwell accented the challenge .by saying: "Henry Leffingwell. you seem to be well versed in time and place, Make It Snappy" Is Policemen V Motto From Sergeant Down Once a soldier, always a soldier. Is that so? Well, ask Sergeant of Police Wheeler, an ex-leatherneck, who has had more experience witk the marines in France than the com mander of the "Fighting Battalion." Sergeant Wheeler was one of the best drilled leathernecks in the ma rine corps, his military friends say, and it wasn't long before he was made a sergeant in his company. He showed 'em how to drill, too, they say, and it was he who put the "snap" in salute. Nowadays, with the sergeant all togged up in a well-fitted blue uni form, brass buttons, shining badge, smile, personality 'n' ev'rything, it is his daily custom upon going off duty from the central police station to present himself to someone with higher authority and with a snappy salute at attention say: "Sir, may I have the, pleasure to report off duty?" Another salute, about-face and Sergeant Wheeler is gone. ; so I think that a little practice" will make perfect. Give us a little dem onstration. Your place right now ii down in the basement and this is about the time for you to begin sift ing those ashes that you have been talking about tor tour weeks. A little" speed also would not be amiss." Leffingwell yielded - to the force of his wife's argument so he sneaked away to the bisemeiit and gave an object lesson in the value of time and place