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.fT" T7N AT Aim. That' i
jjis The Omaha Sunday Bee
4 O 16 B. OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 19, 1919.
Things are changingl
f -A new age has dawned the air
plane age.
' It has advantages, also djsadvan
Uges. .
It will work havoc with godd
roads campaigns. Who wants a
good road as long as the air's
smooth? '
It also threatens to put the traf
fic" cops' out of jobs. What good
are traffic cops to the airplane own
er?
; But there ARE advantages in the
, airplane age. It will do away with
Omaha's street parking problems.
City "council won'tA have to scratch
their beans much longer about
whether ears shbuld be parked at
23 tor 45 degrees or parallel to the
sidewalk. - .
, Some Landing Station!
And at last the city hall tower
n as come into its own! It can be
Made into an airplane-landing sta
tion.' : ' ; ' ' ,
' For those who long for liquid re
freshments this new and progres
sive age has double advantages.
Contraband can be lowered gently
!y parachutes by .the bootlegger tq
his waiting customer. If ,a copper
should get wise to the game the
thirsty man can step into his fliwer
plane and escape. What could be
The new age should be a death
blow to the high cost of living, also
loving. What's to keep some daring
aviator from ascending a few hun
dred thousand feet with his trusty
machine gun and bring old Hi Cost
to'earth?
As for loving, boys, you can't
beat it No more taxi bills to
bother you. And do they love you
when you've got 'em' in the air?
Well, rather.
TheyH Have to Mind.
An you've got to do is loop the
loop a time or two and she'll have
her arms around your neck. Then's
the time to propose. She'll be
afraid to refuse you. Same thing
ought to work out for the married
man when he wants to bring his
wife to terms.
When the wife demands a new
dress, take her up in the little old
family plane, stop the engine when
you're over a lake, or something,
and tell her to forget about the new
dress. She willl
Aerial mail is developing rapidly.
Soon have a no-stop system where.
the mail bags arc shot from a can
non to the plane.
' Airplane factories will have "to
have a large staff of designers to
keep the bodies of their planes up
to date. Flying fish bodies promise
to be popular next year, but public
tastes are fickle.
'But Styles Do Change.
Latest shades of airplane bodies
are to be deep violet with gold trim
ming, according to authentic ad
vices. Initials of the owner will be
in gold also.
Erection of airplane garages was
discussed at the last meeting of the
carpenter's union. Garages in the
wealthy residence districts will be
very large, according to architects,
to make room for a limoplane, a
roadplane and possibly a touroplane.
The newly formed airplane club
will set to work at once selecting
national air highways, it is said.
Latest data of air conditions may be
obtained at the club headquarters.
For the airplane age is here!
Army Officer, Muddled By
Regulation Changes, Raves
Satire on Daily Bulletins Offers Victoria Cross and
Death to Over-Diligent Members of Disorganiza
tion Section Examine Heads o Those Contem-
plating Re-Enlistment
A series of changes in army regu
lations and lengthy daily bulletins
from Washington during the last
two years have been a great burden
to "old-timers" in the armyv Most
of the regular army officers in Oma
ha have been content to grjn and
bear it, but occasionally one bursts
forth in open rebelion. Here is a
fake bulletin written by some irate
regular army man which was re
ceived at the Omaha army recruiting
station :
Washington, D. C.
Office, Misdirector of Sturchase and
Porridge.
Office Bulletin No. 123456.
Subject: Organization of Disor
ganization Section.
"1. There is constituted within
the Leather-Rubber Branch a whole
section which fails to understand
bulletins No. 1 to 123456 .inclusive.
"2. For. this reason a reorganiza
tion of the reorganizes is about to
be made.
3. 'Anyone in this section who
feels'that he or she knows enough
to sign a letter correctly, this week,
will kindly report to the head office
boy and receive a Victoria Cross.
4, Any member ot this section
who has read all the bulletins is
sued will be buried with full military
honors, the coming Saturday, as
their minds, by reason of such fidel
ity to duty, are no doubt in such a
condition that death would relieve
them of further suffering.
5. "The ourooses of the reorgani
zation effected have been carried
out with such strict attention that
orders, regulations, etc., are now re
ceived within 36 days after issuance,
as compared with seven days under
the obsolete system formerly used.
6. "While the work of this di
vision was formerly handled with
an office force of approximately 50
people,. t now provides work for
176 voters. This shows how em-
ciently a scientifically built-up sys
tem can expedite business.
7. "It has been necessary to put;
into operation 70 new machines to
dash off the bulletins, showing how
diligently we are working, to keep
every one misinformed.
"8. While seven months ago but
14.334 per cent of the employes did
not understand the system used in
expediting public business through
our reorganization bureau, this high
total has been cut down to 99.998
per cent.
"9. The new system, is working
out very nicely, as no one under
stands it but myself, and I am a lit
tle muddled at times, but hope to
hold my position indefinitely until
things are unmuddled.
"10. Any enlisted man working in
this section who desires to remain
after being discharged will report to
room 686 and have his head exam
ined, s.
"By order of the printing press.
"R. I. MUDDLED,
"Chief Organizer."
E. J. Brandeis Likes
to Chew Gum With
His Initials on It
E. John Brandeis, owner of the
Brandeis stores and multi-millionaire,
has his hobby, and a very
plebian one at that. Brandeis chews
gum, and chews it in quantities, too.
A few weeks ago his supply of a
favorite brand ran low and he or
dered a full case to renew it. How
ever, although gum chewing is re
garded as a habit of the proletarian,
the Brandeis scion is in no way
averse to it and so when ordering a
new shipment for his private use he
bad his initials in silver placed on
every single piece. -
So if you see a stick of gum
wrapped in foil with "F.. J. E." em
blazoned, in silver on it, you may
know you are gazing on some of the
Brandeis private stock. 1
' ' 1 1 ii i i ii i 1 1 1
Bouquet of Live, Human Interest Stories About People
Eligible Omaha Bachelors
Girls, meet Yale C Holland. Many
of you know him favorably already,
we understand. . - . . --
Yale 'is deliberate, ' dignined,
friendly-and has that manner about
him which the gentler but stronger
Siex like.'
He is an eligible bachelor very
eligible. Svelte figger, 34 years old
or. thereabouts, member of the prom
inent and euphoniously-named law
firm, Kennedy, Holland, DeLacy.&
Horan.f (Try it on your piano.)
He liver at the Blackstone. Not
that this adds to his eligibility. It's
a mere statement of fact.
Yale Holland never went to Yale
- university, nof has he ever been in
Holland! W-'.-,
r .. . Here's the Reason.
- There is a reason, nevertheless, an'
interesting reason, for his Christian
name. His father was studying law
at Yale university when Yale was
born.. A
(We shudder to think what might
have, been Yale's fate if his father
had Ijeen studying at Notre Dame),
When; Yale was 6 weeks old his
father; .graduated and, .with his wife
and ; baby, moved to Seward, Neb.,
where, for 26 years,, he practiced law.
For Jrwo years, he was a partner of
Mayer Smith, until the latter moved
to Omaha.
WJiile vthere. is a reason for, his
iirtt name,; Yale declares that he
can't 'tee any for his middle name.
It is Chenoweth. Yes, too truel
: Quite a School Career.
Well, Ytle grew up in Seward
(please sound the final "d"), fin
ished the high school there and then
went to the -state university at Lin
coln for six years, graduating in law.
In 1911. he came to Omaha and
attached- himself to the firm of Ma
honey. & Kennedy, of which firm he
is d5r a member.
He joined the army of Uncle Sam
in August of last year and gradu
ated' fromthe. Camp Taylor officers'
training school as a first-lieutenant.
He belongs to the University
club, Happy Hollow club, Omaha
Country club- and - Chamber of
Commerce. He is president of the
Barristers' club,
y ' ; Just One at a Time.
' l Yale's system consists in having
one girl. at a-titne, to;whom he is
very, very nice. When she ditches
him, or vice versa, he doesn't pine
away or grow pale, morose and
misanthropic. He promptly starts
being very, very nice to some other
nice girl. , A sensible plant -
His greatest hobby is golf. Re
cently he went around the Happy
Hollow course in bogie, 83. He con
fesses, however, that he seldom can
go around in less than 84, or may
be 94.
We recommend this specimen
highly." His' disposition is excellent,
so far as we have been able to .ob
serve, and there is a good chance
of "living happily ever after" for the
young charmer who binds him 'to
her chariot wheel. : , '
I'
1 !
I
District Judge Has
r;"Donkey$IOBin;,of
Rare Old Vintage
A "donkey $10 bill" Is in posses
sion "of District Judge Day, and is
aa6ld curiosity. It is a national
!tnk note which has the figure of an
eagle upon it But when the note
is turned upside down the eagle be
comes a donkey's head. In the re
vcrseposifion uie head of the eagle
becomes - the nose of the "jackass"
and the extended wings of the eagle
become the donkey's ears. The fig
ure of' the donkey is unmistakable
and it is easy to see that the trick
was. put in purposely by the en
graver.'. - - - ':-' - - . :' ;
- I have heard that this engraving
was ; made, by a man who had a
grudge,". salo Judge Day. "He pur
posely made-the trick picture, and it
was Hot until many thousands of the
-banknotes had been printed, and put
into circulation that the figure of the
donkey head was -discovered."
Only comparative few $10 notes
bear ati tagle of any kind, and a
large somber of the "donkey head"
actes have been worn out and taken
from circulation. So the judge's note
is curiosity. .
Little Indian Girls
Have a Hard Time
N Keeping Faces Clean
' Six Brazilian Indian girls of the
gypsy type attended Cass school
one-day last week. They were re
quired to wash their faces and necks,
which ablutionary treatment seems
to have had an ill effect.
Attendance Officer J. B. Carver
served notice on the mothers that1
their girls would be required to at
tend school. When the misses from
Brazil appeared at the Cass school
Kate L. Brown, principal, told them
about cleanliness being next to god
liness. They returned .with clean
faces and necks and appeared to en
joy the day in -school, but on the
next , day they failed to attend. Mr.
Carver called at their homes and
was told that they had been . sent
away.. - . . ,
"It seems that keeping their faces
clean is too severe for them," said
Mr. Carver, who has had experience
with boys and girls from nearly
every clime.
"They will attend school if they
remain in Omaha," he added. "
The mothers of these girls are
fortune tellers.
Attention, King)
Area of Nebraska, 77,520 square
miles. y
Area of Belgium, 11,373 square
miles.
And yet, look at the attention
King Albert gets compared with
Governor McKelvie. Something in
a nam", evidently.
Editor of The Bumble Bee tried
to ride in the-cab of a locomotive
and they wouldn't let 'im. But they
let the king of Belgium ride in the
cab and run the engine. And they
call this a democracy.
'T'ain't right 1
BUMBLE BEE EDITOR
WRITES LETTER TO
KING OF BELGIUM
INVITES HIM"TO OMAHA
King Albert of Belgium,
Dear King:
Since writing the above item and
another little squib about you and
the, queen in last Sunday's Bumble
Bee, I see you have cancelled your
trip io umana.
i Now, king, I hope you haven't
j taken offence at these little things
i nave puonsnea aDout you in Ine
Bumble Bee. I didn't mean a thing
derogatory to you. In fact, I never
dreamed you would see them.
Of course, I didn't quite like the
idea qf you traveling around here
in your special train with a lot of
officers and stenographers and privy
counsellors, when Belgium is so
hard up that it must hustle the people-to
pay for the trip.
But it's all right. You've had a
hard time the last five years and I
think you are entitled to a vacation
and darn the expense 1 And the
wife has had a hard time too, and
she is entitled to a vacation.
4 No Harm Meant
Now, king, I hope -you will over
look my little pleasantries in The
Bumble Bee and come to Omaha
and, let us show you around the
city. I assure you that you will
have' a good time. I know Gould
Dietz will take you out in his auto
mobile if you wish, and we'll see
that you get good accommodations
at the best hotel.
While it is true that' Belgium
isn't as large as Nebraska, what's
the difference, anywayl Good things
come in small packages, eh, king?
And you re a tine man. 1 always
admired the way you stood up
against those Germans and told
them what was what and held ..hem
while France got "ready and saved
civilization. '
I traveled in Belgium once and
liked it very much. Brussels is cer
tainly a fine city and Antwerp is
a busy port.
I like you because you're a real
man and if you hadn't been king
of Belgium you would have made
good as a newspaper man or a
realtor or a merchant or something
else. .
Now, kinj?, let's let bveones be
L bygones. You are a good scout and
I hope you will honor Omaha with
a visit and bring the wife and boy
along.
Hoping to see you all in Omaha
soon, I remain,
Your true friend,
A. STINGER,
(Editor of Th Bumble Bee.)
DOCTORS and BUTCHERS.
(Emmet New In Holt County Independ
. ent). .
"AVe now have a Doctor loca-,
ted in Emmet Dr. Smith mov
ed here from Atkinson and has
opened an office in Dr. DeGar- -zons
building. Dr, Smith will
also run a drug store in connec
tion with his office. As Dr.
Smith is already favorably
,'- known in and around Emmet he
wiH be a success from the start.
Now if we had a butcher shop
we would feel better. We have
seen nothing like real meat for
a year now but camaflouged
sausage. If we saw a decent
steak we could not distinguish it
from a turtle or a clam and our
women would not know wheth
er to boil or bake it
Jim O'Connor is building a
large ice house and so is John
Martfeldt. Plenty of ice in
Emmet next year. We might
guess that Jim intends to open-
a butcher shop but what is John
Martfeldt putting up ice for.
Woman's Inhumanity to Woman.
Coupla dowdy-looking women on
the street car t'other day. A classy
young person, all tailored, coiffured,
powdered and manicured, came in
She was a picture. And you oughta
heard the two others laugh at her.
Women cer'n'ly do find some queer
things to laugh at, don't they?
. NOW, ; EDDIE!!
Young Prince of Wales smokes
lots cf cigars . on his tour in
America. You can see 'em in' the
movies. If they show the "Weekly"
at Buckingham palace we can 'see
the prince's finish when he gets
home to his pa and ma.
The Nebraska Farmer is An Em
peror 1 (Applause.)
And now that the world has been
made safe for democracy, the Cham
ber of Commerce publicity bureau
is advertising all over the country
about the "Omaha Ernpire."
He Needs None.
A $5,000,000 memorial for T. R.1
Said the ancient sage, "I had rather
future generations would ask why
a monument had not been erected
to me than that they should ask
why one had." 1
The Cut Direct.
Said a lawyer to Ben. S. Baker
recently: "I . lost my law library
in the fire."
Said Ben. S. Baker: "What did
you have besides the agricultural
reports?" v '
JOGAPHY.
Geography is evidently not the
strong point of some newspapers.
The Christian Science , Monitor
which sets itself up to be Jovian in
perfection, quotes Lieutenant May
nard concerning his flight from New
York to San Francisco, thus: "Be
tween Chicago and St Paul, Minn.,
we encountered some storms."
Another lieutenant is quoted as
saying: "The flight over the plains of
Nebraska was easy; then came Des
Moines; and finally Rawlins, Wyo.,
wl,ere " Some round-about route
this birdman was taking!
It Took the Old Man
To Tell Her Trouble
To the Divorce Court
A colored woman was getting a
divorce in District Judge- Day's
court one day last week. The judge
asked her several times what was
the cause of the marital troubles
between her and her husband. She
mumbled and fidgeted around a
good deal. When finally the judge
referred it to - her father, an aged
darkey, who accompanied her, the
old man grinned and put the trou
ble in a quaint expression thus:
"Her husban' don' scattah too
much, jedge." v
"What do you' meanscatter'
too much?" asked Judge Day..
"Well, he scattah his attentions
too much away f'm his wife," was
the reply.
"Oh, you mean he runs around
with other women than his wife?"
"Dat's it jedge, dat's it He
scattahs too much intiahly."
The young --woman got her
divorce. .
Now, Judge, a Poem's
A Poem, But Not a
League of Notions
" . . s
Judge Sears, the poet and philoso
pher of the district court has writ
ten a new poem, entitled "The
Leagu of Nations,"
The judge, however, ; is growing
very modest of his poetry, which,
those who have read it say, is of
superior worth.
But this poem of the judge's upon
the great topic of the day is an ex
traordinary one. Said the judge to
a friend:
"I'll let you publish it if you will
sign your name Uq it"
"But why this modesty, judge?"
asked the friend. , -
" 'T isn't modesty," said the judge.
"It's just 'safety first' for me."
"Is your poem in favor of the
league or against it?" he was asked.
"Neither," said the judge, and am
bled away.
"That's what makes this such a
remarkable poem," he called back. '
Airmen and Yntry -Snap
Together Give
Omahans Sore Necks
Sore necks and frost-bitten chins
were numerous among citizens of
Omaha recently.- --
The - sudden cold snap, together
with the first transcontinental air
derby, gave Omahans just reason
for serious complaint.
Pedestrians on the downtown
streets were continually inclined to
lean back their heads, stretch their
necks, and expose their chins and
throats to the cold every time they
heard the hum of one of the huge
airplanes which arrived at spasmodic
intervals during the day.
Many people, accustomed to the
sound, from experience with Flor
ence flying field, during the war,
were startled anew, and gave vent
to their curiosity, with the result
that they are now nursing ills and
colds.
The atmospheric welcome of
Omaha to the army fliers was cold
although the crowds which wel
comed the contestants at Ak-Sar-Ben
field testified to the warm hearts
of Omaha peopte. -..
Here's Once When the
Mayor Almost Heard
The Dope On Himself
Some few weeks before the riot,
Mayor Smith journeyed to McCook,
Neb., one day, on personal business.
He an da fellow traveler were sit
ting in a restaurant there, waiting
For lunch to be served. A traveling
man bustled in and propped himself
up on a stool next to the mayor s
triend. ,
The newcomer and the. mayors
friend struck up a conversation dur
ing the meal.
Just came trom Umaha, an
nounced the traveling man. "They're
sure having a hell of a time there,
with the police department
Mayor Smith heard, and ventured,
"lhat so? What s the trouble?'
"Every day the cops are in a jam
about something. . They're either
shootin somebody, or arresting
someone without a warrant or raid
ing some private home or accepting
gratt, or some other crime all the
time. A couple of the newspapers
there are putting out the info about
it Two of the city commissioners
are raising an awful squawk against
the cops, but the rest ot the com
missioners, even the mayor, are
kind-a for 'era.'"
"That mayor must be a boob,"
commented Mayor Smith.
"Don't know him very well," the
traveling man said. "But he seems
to have a soft spot in his heart for
the cops.
The traveling man forked the last
bite "of his' pie into his mouth,
drained his glass of milk and hurried
out.
Later he and the mayor's friend
met in the corner drug store in Mc
Cook. "That was the mayor of Omaha
who was with me this morning in
the restaurant," advised the friend
"Good night! Glad I didn't say
any more than I did."
Dangle Macaroni as
Bait From Poles for
Passing Housewife
Macaroni is to the Italian what
roast beef or marmalade! is to
the average, Englishman or crullers
to the American. Amongst the
poorer class of Italians macaroni is
the most popular article of diet. This
favorite dish is supposed to have
originated in Genoa. It is made from
a peculiar manufacture of wheat
which, in the form of a paste, is
molded into the shape of long pipe
stems varying in diameter from an
ordinary quill up. to half an inch.
Only certain kinds of wheat are used
in the manufacture the hard sorts
possessing a large percentage of glu
ten. " . -r
The wheat is first ground into a
coarse meal, from which the bran is
removed. During the grinding it is
necessary to employ both heat and
humidity to insure good results. It
is then worked up into a dough with
water and forced through gauges,
with or without mandrills, as in the
case of wire or pipe drawing. In the
final stage of manufacture the maca
roni is suspended to dry in an open
yard from a framework of poles
raised about four feet' from the
ground. -
It is now all ready for the retailer
and it is a common sight throughout
Italy, also Sicily, to fee this delect-' i
able commodity dangling in long,
even rows from horizontal poles
fixed at the entrance and from the
roof of the variou macaroni em
poriums, an irresistible bait to the
passing housewife. From the Octo
ber Wide World Magazine.
'Pay as You Go, Pay as You Go,'
Chants Cheery Cheese Man
Yessum, He Had Eastern Cheese, That Is, Cheese
From N'Yawk New York Is the East, Y'Know,
and Everything Outside Is Well, Anyway, This
Omaha Cheese Man Is Not Green.
This is a story about a man who
sells cheese in an Omaha store.
There are many men in Omaha who
sell cheese, but this is a particular
man and he has a particular way of
selling cheese. To philosophize a
little, it might be stated that selling
cheese all of the live long day is not
the most exciting form of work in
the world.
There is a tedium about cutting
and weighing cheese, all day, hand
ing out samples, answering ques
tions, and wrapping the packages. It
would get on the nerves of many
persons with temperamental dispo
sitions and might drive some to try
out some of the recipes for home
made libations.
But this cheese man makes it a
pleasure to deal with him. He goes
through the day's work with a
cheery disposition and is an inspira
tion to others who are near him in
this large establishment. He is
never too tired to give a courteous
reply and he hides over the rough
places with a smile. .
He does more work with less
fatigue than any other employe on
that floor because his heart is in his
work, and he works on the theory
that as long as he is the cheese man
he is going to do the job well.
The other afternoon a lady bought
some- cheese and inquired whether
she should pay there, or at another
part of the store as is the custom
in most of the departments on this
floor of that store.
"You pay as you go, you pay as
you go," he replied, singing the
words in a monotone which caused
the waiting cheese-buyers to laugh.
He put the waiting patrons in a
happy state of mind and thus re
lieved the ennui of waiting.
"Have you got any eastern
cheese?" asked a wbman who evi
dently had recently moved from
New York to "out where the west
begins," and imagined that "east"
meant New York.
The other patrons , grinned and
centered their glances on the woman
who wanted eastern cheese.
"We have some New York cheese
and that is what you want, isn't
it?" he asked in a manner which .
put the embarrased woman at ease.
To say that such a man should
be engaged in more serious work
than selling cheese all day, has
nothing to do with the case. Some-.,
body has to sell cheese all day and
he happens to be the man on the
job and he dignifies that job with a
graciousness that is infectious.
Missouri Mules Win Against
Angelo's Great Masterpiece
Painting in the Sistine Chapel Was a Chromo to Man
From "Show-Me" County, but He Woke Up When
He Ran Across a Pair of Home-Grown Mules.
Rev. M. R. Laird, the new minis
ter at Westminster rresDyterian
church, was explaining how some
people appreciate fine art and oth
ers appreciate fine mules, with a
discrimination peculiar to their in
clinations and training. He was a
chaolain during overseas service,
and when the fitrhtine was overlook
advantage of the opportunity to visit
Rome, ' Palestine and other places
of interest .
He visited the Sistine chapel jn
the Vatican at Rome several times
and learned to appreciate the works
of art in this famous hall which is
ISO feet long and has galleries ort
three sides. He was impressed by
Michael Angelo's wonderful fresco
of the Last Judgment which is at
the end of the chapel, opposite the
entrance. It is said that this im
mortal work was completed when
Angelo was 60 years old, in 1544,
after eight years of work.
'While in Rome," said the minis
ter, I met a merchant from Mis-
sourt -You know the first way to
a man's heart when in a foreign land
is to ask him where his home is.
This man told me he was from Mis
souri, so I thought that I would
have to show him around Rome a
ttle." I told him that I was from
Illinois. I succeeded in getting him
to stand for 15 minutes to view
Angelo's great work of the Last
Judgment. .-. ;
men we went out on the streets)
and all of a sudden his face lighted
up as if he had beheld some wonder
ful -eight.
"I was curious to know what had
so suddenly interested my new ac
quaintance from Missouri, so I wait
ed for him to explain. In a minute
he extended his right index finger
in the direction of a team of mules
drawing a vehicle and he exclaimed:
" 'There goes a fine pair of mules,
and I'll bet a cob pipe theye're from
Missouri,' he remarked.
"It is a far cry from art to mules,
but it just shows how some men
see art with a discriminating eye
and others sse mules with as muca
interest. I agreed that the mules he
had observed seemed to have all of
the fine points of their breed. His
eyes followed those mules, until
they were out of our sight."
- A Square Meal "
A square meal now
Makes me feel ill,
When I see what it does
To a five-dollar bill
W. H. H. in Albany Argus.
What a Liar David Has Turned
Out to Be
I stood on the bridge at midnight,
The sun was shining fair;
When somebody took the bridge
away
And left me standing there.
-DAVID RODGER
..'
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