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SHME TMEPHY
u " W .v -r-. iosrt
The Omaha Sunday bee
; OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, SEPTEMBER 28, 1919.
ttfdfrdrersMd Sc?6usMesrjuftre
ftefrt time yck''ent&edti4Ufy7ac&ry v
d smoxenoase
Zfc dSbve fj depart of t&s took tfi order
to tecone & ne7?3er0ftn"e fedtAer
derAers Uaon,
The ' birds who. get rich scooping
warts into dimple j have got the
shriller sex up on their high heels
for fair. The beauty experts who
make knock-kneed swans out of
bow-legged ducklings are charging
so much, for beauty spots and rouge
that these articles are almost beyond
the reach of the workingman.
"You can't blame the henna profit
eers for striking while the curling
iron is hot. If-a dowager wants to
flapperize her complexion she ought
lo pay for it. A frail is never satis
lied with the facial apparatus that
nature staked her to. If she's a
blonde, she wants to be a brunette.
If she's brun, she wants to be a
blonde. It she ain't either, she wants
to be both. If she js an old demon
of 40 she wants to look like two
young demons of 20. Mathematically
correct, but hard to accomplish
without an adding machine and an
ax. You see the ax on the adding
machine. No woman has any use
for an adding machine that adds over
17, either in years or shoe sizes. ,
You car.'t censure the peroxide im
pressarios for charging' double for
double chins. Anybody who can
make locomotives out of scrap iron
is entitled to the gate receipts.
The' frail who pulls a Jim the Pen
man stunt with a lipstick and. an
electric needle in an effort to forge
herself a new complexion is a swind
ler. In the old days beauty was skin
deep. Now it is only powder deep. A
chicken believes that taxation with
out misrepresentation is tyranny.
There are no more mothers and
daughters any more. They all want
to be kewpies. No more grandmoth
r?e treuSfe with this hrj??d of beauty you 6a t to
crs and granddaughters, either. We WWdtch ft Me your 6dt oyerC0OtJ?TajWej?mwrCk.
side. With a combination
now have flappers and grandflappers.
The only way you can tell a woman
from her daughter is by asking her
grandson.
Synthetic beauty is the darb now
now. For eight berries you can get a
wave in your hair that will make
your bonnet act, like a rocking chair.
For 40 smackers they "will smear a
permanent wiggle in your toupee
that you can open bottles with. The
permanent wave lasts three days.
Grve a beauty chauffeur 100 but
tons and he will do everything with
your wig" but make it bark. If it's
red he will make it ptomaine green,
and if it's junk colored he will
brighten it up so that you can flag
trains by tipping your bonnet to
the engineer. If you want the old
r BH -, Hi I ITV Ml llll'i'i 't:'. - I I
I '" $ !-Wl!.'i HI)
of typkdl one cfciir beauty fdrtory jn L ondoqinb.
Where you can get a stave and Adteut fcrnfne cents
yoitdgive ninety cents tojjet out.
Mow some of us would look ff Me Zea6u&of
ledinerJerrers and Beauty fflecJidnfcs"Addd jtrifre.
henna work slapped on your knob,
the beauty mechanic gets a lot of
stuff that looks like mud, acts like
mud and hangs it on your skull.
You perch there on a chair like a
ham in a smokehouse. In' eight
hours he removes the mud stuff, and
what's left of your wool is the same
color as the deuce of "hearts. If
your complexion was the same as
the queen of spades when you left
home you can't blame the old man
for thinking .that somebody framed
the pack.
Thev old brunette-blonde route- is
the well known peroxide journey
and is no longer stylish among the
elite who judge heads from the out-
a combination steam
roller and hamburger steak chopper
he cuts your warts down three sizes
smaller and presses your wrinkles
back into your skull. This makes
'em come out of the back of your
head, but you can keep your hat on.
Marcel waves are put in with a ma
chine that looks like a concrete
mixer, and judging by some of the
marcelled skull, maybe it's right. A
blizzard of beauty spots, a shower
of talcum and rouge, and you're
beautiful. 1
The only trouble with this brand
of beauty is that it if the. kind that
you've got to watch like your hats
and overcoats in a one-armed
MbtJitr and Daudhier are a itnt of Me past Mm Wdfft
to he Aewpies, tAeoniy way you. can fef Me Jffere
cfs tydsfifnti the grdndsonty
lunch. - (Editor's Note If you are not
It also has to be renewed as reading Bugs Baer you are missing
often asy the battery in a pocket something. His articles are a daily
flashlight. , feature on the sports page.)
Want to Join Anti-Overcoat
Society and Freeze to Death?
Membership Open to All Fii;st Meeting Will be Held
Soon and "Spike" Kennedy is to Be Guest of
Honor and Deliver an Eloquent Address.
Well, the wormias turned at last.
And now is the time for all good
men to come and join the new soci
ety, the Omaha- and United States
Anti-Overcoat and New Suit soci-
rVith overcoats selling at any
where from $50 to $150 or more, ac
tion had to be taken by the men
whose salaries have not quite in
creased in proportion to the rise in
prices of clothing.
"Not quitetl" Ha, ha!
You're All Invited.
So the great society mentioned
has been organized and its member
ship is open to all you poor,' down
trodden worms who are invited daily
to step up and buy new clothes and
try to look like the nifty ninnies in
the ad pictures.
You know those magazine ads that
lure us to buy new suits new suits
at any price, like Bryan and peace.
The pictures show a young Vnan
dressed in a suit of Misfit ' &
Shoddy's "tailored to your person
ality" clothes and a bunch of queens
looking at him with admiration in
their eyes. Or else the perfectly
tailored nincompoop is coming off
of his private yacht followed by a
couple of porters with his luggage.
Not baggage luggage. Sometimes
he's addressing the board of direc
tors, a lot of white-hained gentlemen
who have "envy" written all over
their faces because they, too, haven't
got suits of Misfit & Shoddy clothes.
A Regular Constitution.
Well, the members of the O. &
U. S. A.-O. & N. S. society will not
respond to these advertisements, not
when the prices are $40, $50 pr
more. .The first article of the con
stitution says:
"We will not buy any overcoat
or new suit until an all-wool gar
ment can be bought for 25 bucks."
That's plain enough. And by the
time the members of this society
have laid offa buying for two or
three years the manufacturers will
come across with a reduction to our
figures, b'gosh.
Organization of the society has
already advanced so far that a yell
has been adopted:
Song of Emancipation.
Hark to the song of emancipation:
"Who are we? Who are we?
Members Anti-Overcoat societee. H
Will we freeze?
We guess not! -
All this talk of high production cost
is rot.
Honk, honk, honkl
It's purely bunk.
Clothing makers, save your sighs; .
We are wise, you bet, we're wise.
We'll be free; we WILL BE free
Members Anti-Overcoat societee."
A glee club will be organized as
soon as enough members are secured
for the society.. The glee club will
go around daily and give the yell in
front of all the clothing stores, po
lice permitting This movement will s
prob'ly bring the dealers to time
Predictions of the Indians that t
cold winter is coming have not
dampened the ardor of the meniberi
of the society.
Remember the Romans?
"Overcoatst are foolish adqr
ments, anyway," said X. Waldo TeW
williger, president. "The ancieift
Greeks and Romans never wore
vercoats. Why should we?"
The argument of Mr. Terwilligef
is unanswerable.
A movement is on foot to grant
service stripes to members of tin
society A silver stripe will b
sewed, on the sleeve of overcoats and
suits of members for each year of
service the overcoat or suit has
seen. Thus, a man whose overcoat,
is being worn for its tenth winter
will have the proud honor of wear
ing 10 silver stripes onv the right
sleeve. ,
Now is the time to join.
A meeting prob'ly will be held in
the near future somewhere or other
to get new members. "Spike" Ken
nedy, who has never worn an over
coat in his life, will be the guest of
honor and will deliver an eloquent
address. Get your tickets now
NOTHING DOING.
When I was but a little lad,
My father used to say:
"If you are good, perhaps you will
Be president some day."
I've always followed his advice,
My conduct's pretty fair,
But father's promise didn't pan,
, And, really, I don't care.
The more I think about the thing
And see the howling mob
That's buzzing 'round T. Wood
row's ears
The less I want the job.
; , 1 , ; . : 1 : . : : ; '
Bouauet of Live, Human Interest Stories About People
' : - : : r- , : 1
, tekaLgune viimiia ijcu;neiui a ; o rr r I Q
Our first impression of James
O'Hara, -attorney, 43, and a bachelor
we have talked with him about
matrimony' in his office that hwas
he was a man of truth.
And when he remarked mourn
fully, "The girls don't seem to like
me," wc felt. real sorry for him.
When we came out of the Omaha
"'National bank building, where his
office is, a heavy rain'was falling'and
we paused. Soon Air. O'Hara
cam out. A beautiful woman was
standing at the door trying to put
'up her umbrella. Something was
wrong with it.
He's Johnnie-on-the-Spot.
James O' Hara was "Johnnie-on-1
lie-spot."
"Please take my umbrella," he
said, chivalrously.
"Oh- thank you so much, Mr.
"O'Hara,' said the young lady. And
tci ought to've seen the look she
.'gave-him -out of her large' lustrous
orbs. Um-ml La la! ,
Then Mr. O' Hara took' her um
brella, gently but firmly and fixed
the broken rib and put it up and
handed X to her with a bow, ,. ;
"Thank you, Mr. O'Hara, very
Muich," she said again. She gave
'im another of those lovely looks
out of her large .lustrious- orbs.
If she din't like Mr. O'Hara,
well, then we don't like lemon
naringue pie. That's all we'll say.
. Likes the Ladies.
Up in his office a few minutes
before this happy incident, James
remarked that he likes the ladies and
"hopes to get married sometime."
"What is the ideal you have in
mind?" we ask'ed.
"Well," said James, running his
fingers through his luxuriant locks,
"she must be domestic, have com
mon sense and good judgement; she
need not necessarily he brilliant or
even very well educated."
"How about looks?" we chirped.
"Not more" than passably good
looking," said Mr. O'Hara. "H she
were too handsome I might lose
her."
"..?" we interrogated. .
"Not much under 30," said he.
His HonSst Opinion.
"They don't begin to get real in
teresting until that age," we remark
ed feelingly. .
"The mose charming woman I
. ever knew was past 35," said James.
Mr. O'Hara was born on a farm
near Northfield, Minn., almost exact
ly 100 years after the Declaration
of Independence was signed, that is
in July, 1876. When he was 7 he
moved with his parents to North
Dakota, where he went to school and
finished up with the state university.
He has .the degree of B. A. and LL.
B.
After practicing law in Indiana
for a few years, he came to Omaha
in 1905, went into the firm of Mont
gomery & Hall for a year and a half
and then set up for himself.
Politics His Diversion. .
Politics is his diverson. ' He was
nominated for city councilman once,
lost a nomination for state senator
by just seven votes once and at the
last election same mighty near being
elected county attorney,
v He learned to dance before he was
12 and learned to swim after he was
40, He goes to the theaters and
movies and is an especial admirer
of Bill Hart, Doug. Fairbanks,
Charles . Ray, Mary Pickford and
Bessie Barriscale.
He belongs to the Woodman of
the World and the Modern Wood
man of America. He lives at the
Harley hotel.
Nice chance for some domestic
girl with good sense and judgment
and too awfully good looking.
Careless Messenger
And Kennedy's Only
Suit Cause Mixup
. Con T. Kennedy, owner of the
shows at the Ak-Sar-Ben carnival
grounds, was the victim of cruel
fate last Sunday, when he sent his
only suit of clothes out to be
pressed in a hurry.
. It was the only suit he hadwith
him. He had an ' appointment, to
meet J. D. Weaver, secretary of
Ak-Sar-Ben, at 10, 'and his newly
pressed suit had, been inadvertently
vieffin the wrong room.
. . "Thought ,you was going to be
here at 10, " shouted Mr. Weaver
over the telephone.
'Send over a barrel and I'll come,"
was the reply.
After searching through many
rooms at the Fontenelle, the miss
ing suit was found and the equa
nimity of the show manager was
restored.
Mining.
"Well, Rastus, I hear you are
working again. What business are
you engaged in?"
"I'se done be engaged in de min
ing business, sah."
"What kind of mining are you do
ing, gold, silver" or diamonds?"
Tit doing kalsomining, sah."
I II tWZVZ- VVVKJi J
"it n id ?r
ffi. 1 BY A. BTlWOBlL
We Get So Tired of Ourself!
Sometimes a longing comes to us
to be one of these here clubmen, or
men-about-town. . We'd like to be
a bachelor, handsome and always
"perfectly groomed," . and have a
Jap valet at our apartments and
wear a sorta blase expression all
the time except when we would give
a sad smile when some ladies were
trying to attract our interest. And
we would have a big, classy, power
ful car in which we would drive
along the country roads at break
neck speed. And and, ev'rything.
BRAZIL.
Commissioner Bingo, in his
search for proper methods of di
recting traffic, has decided to erect
gates at all the busy downtown cor
ners. The gates will swing on posts and
will be opened and shut.to let traffic
through. A man will be stationed
at each gate to open and shut it.
"We intend togive this scheme a
thorough try-out," said Commission
er Bingo. I believe it will prove
successful and the gates at every
street corner will add to the beauty
of our city and advertise it through
out the country. The north and
south thoroughfare will - be closed
while the east and west is open."
"How about a vehicle that wants
to turn from Farnam street to Six
teenth Street?" he was asked.
"I never thought of that." he re
plied. ."But we will work those de
tails OUt." . y
Mr. Bingo has tried out the "bird
cage" traffic directory house at Six
teenth and Harney streetsand dis
carded it.- He is now trying the
toot-toot method. Every traffic cop
has a whistle and the occupants of
downtown buildings are being driv
en to hysterics by the noise. He
believes the gates will prove the
solution of this grave problem.
-Why They Pay Another Fare.
Everything is made so convenient
for tourists by the Denver street
Back From Overseas,
Now Begins to Get
-Lonesome Again
Ah Omaha school teacher, who
recently returned from oversea serv
ice, was asked whether she was
lonesome when she was far away
from home, across the deep, blue
sea.
"I will answer that in my own
way," she replied. "You see, I was
in the canteen service and it was
part of our duty and I will say
pleasure to dance with the boys
I recall that on a certaini evening,
after I had grown foot-weary from
dancing with so many, I was ac
costed by a stalwart young soldier
who insisted that . I should dance
with him. I explained that I was
tired, but he pleaded and, I con
sented. '"You had better dance with me,
because you won't be so popular
when you get home,' he remarked.
"Was I lonesome when I was
overseas? No, 'tis lonesome I am
now that am home again,"
car company which prints on the
back of each transfer this lucid in
formation: INBOUND CARS TBAN8FEB AS
FOLLOWS
Route 4, to 6 S at 4th A Downing.
6 K at 4th & High (walk 2 blka. N),
or at 6th & Downing.
Route 6, to 4 E at 4th A Downing,
and 6 E at 6th & Downing, Includ
ing a retransfer from Route . 68
at Alameda & Downing.
Route 6, to 4 E at 6th A High (walk
2 blks. S). 4 or 5 S at 6th and Cor
ona, Including a retraneter from 33.
Routes. 4, 5 or 6, to 2, 3, 7, 8 or 9 S
at 7th & Broadway, 10 N at Arap
ahoe. 10, 14. 15 or 33 E at Colfax.
U E at 11th Ave. 12 at Central
Loop. 20 or 40 B at Colfax (walk
2 blks. N). 23 or 28 E at Welton
(at 16th St); N at Arapahoe (at
- 16th Si). 29, 37 or 38 at Central
Loop, 39 E at Tremont (at 16th
St); N at Arapahoe (at 16th St).
60 E or W at Curtis, . 68 N at Col
fax; S at 7th A Broadway. 61 E
or W at Arapahoe (at lath A Lari
mer). 63 or 64 E and 64 W at
Arapahoe (at 15th & Lawrence).
66 E at Stout. 72 S at 7th & Broad
way (at 6th A Bannock), or at
Fremont (at 18th St), or at Arap- -ahae
(Interurban Loop). 75 B or W
at Arapahoe. 81, 82. 83, 84 or D. '
& I. at Arapahoe (Interurban Loop)..
Moffat Station: Routes 9, 12, 23, 28.
1 29, 87, 38 or 39 N. Union tSatlon:
Routes 9, 10, 11 or 33 N, when
--punched "Union Station;" also any '
northbound line (except 12) at Ara
pahoe or Lawrence.
SOCIETY NOTE.
(Madison Star-Mall.)
The following had their ton
sils removed at the Yeazel home
during the past 10 days: Martha
Garrett, Mrs. W. C. McKnight,
Ethel Belknap, Dora Renner,
Willie Basse, "Emma Pearse,
Helen Buettner, Pauline Nelson
and five of the Resseguie fam
ily, Ella May, Winifred, Eu
genie, Elliot and Bernf.rdine.
Poems of Lowell Miller.
(Son ot "Gue.") '
Girls
Are funny things.
They do .
What Lincoln said
Man could not
Do.
They fool
All . ; "
The people .
All
The time.
Only
One girl
"Ever have I .
Understood.
I knew her
LIKE A
BOOK. '
She loved ' .
Me
Too
But she
Married
Someone else.
Lincoln
Never knew
Girls.
J
Horrible Example of the Results of
Disloyalty.
(Mlnatare Free Press.)
A couple of Minatare fellows
bet on the Bluffs Sunday.' They
came - back home sadder but
wiser. They will probably bet
on the home team next Sunday
if there is anyone willing to take
the other end of if. v. '
Reporters Have Limitless
, Opportunities! -Trotzky
of Russia was formerly a
reporter on an East Side newspaper
in. New Yok. And Kink- Albert of
Belgium was a reporter on the
Brooklyn Eagle.
End of a Perfect Social.
(Madison Star-Mail) .
A large crowd attended the
program and ice cream social
at Dist. 28, Friday evening. The
- pupils did their parts fine. The
crowd enjoyed the program fine
except some young boys and
girls who made too much noise
for the others to hear. The
moriey made for the ice cream
will be used to purchase school
books. '
The party that stole the teach
er's little alarm-clock during the :
social Friday evening must have
wanted a clock real bad. We
have made up our mind that
next time a doing is held in this
district a police will have to be
along to keep order and see that
things are not stolen. .
NAMES
Miss Virtue and Mr. Noble are
two of the valuable workers on the
staff of the Omaha juvenile court.
- THE H. 'c L.
(Jewell Republican.)
The old-fashioned farmer used
to gather the family in at 9 or
10 o'clock Saturday night and go
to bed and was up Sunday morn
ing ready to take all hands to
church and Sunday school. At
9 o'clock . Saturday night the
new-fashioned farmer is loading
the family into the auto for a
trip to town to do the week's
trading, get a shave and attend
the m'cture show, returning home
after midnight, with all hands
too sleepy next mprning to at
tend church and Sunday school,
and merchants, clerks and bar
bers are in the same fix. What is
going to be the effect on the
next generation?
Omaha Man Decides
Nebraska Weather Is
Good Enough for Him
James Walsh, fisherman, farmer
and financier, who resides out Benson-way,
is well acquainted with the
"lay of the land" around Corpus
Christi, Tex., the scene of a recent
devastation. He summered there
last year and has been there on pre
vious, occasions.
"Last summer we were out about
-a mile and a half from Corpus
Christi, trout fishing," said Mr.
Walsh. "The day was as clear and
calm as one would wish for the
sport. All of a "sudden a tidal wave
aroused our fears and before we
could carry out any plans which
may have been in our minds, our
boats were carried ashore five miles
frojn-our landing place.
. "I was beginning to think that
my time had come, but by careful
management of the boats we es
caped injury. I am sorry for the
people of Corpus Christi, because I
know they have suffered poor crops
for several seasons, and this visita
tion surely will make their burden
,a heavy oue," ,;mi -iTnify
Here's a Story of One
Of ThoseBig Fishes
JThat Got Far Away
' Engineer Charley Highsmith . of
the Union Pacific railroad is an in
veterate fisherman. He would rather
discuss the technique of Dowagiacs,
bucktails and Wilson wobblers than
eat. His motto is "Spare the rod and
spoil the child."
One rainy afternoon he seated
himself in a chair in the office at the
roundhouse and became drowsy. His
clothing was wet, .which may have
had something to do with shaping
the course of his dreams. Presently
he became aware of the presence of
a huge fish sitting in the chair across
the desk. He gasped with astonish
ment. "
"Why er who are you?"
The visitor's gills expanded in a
cheerful grin. ,
"I? why, I'm the big one that got
away."
"Oh, I can believe it all right,"
said Charley. "I should have recog
nized you, for I have had you on my
hook many a time."
"Sure," said the fish, "I never neg
lect my friends.'.' '
"May I ask you a question?" said
Charley.
"Certainly, I'll bite," grinned the
fish.
"Just what is your mission in life,
anyhow?"
The visitor fanned himself with
his fins an instant and then replied,
"My line of business is to break the
monotony of fruitless fishing trips,
and give the boys something to
blow about around thf hot stove. I
am a benefactor of the dry half of
the world." .
"I never thought of it in that light
before," replied Charley. "I was
wrong in cherishing hard feelings
against you. And you always get
away?''
The big fellow shrugged his dor
sal fin. "Well, here I am. And now
I must be gliding. A lot of good fel
lows are just starting for Lake Man
awa and I don't want to disappoint
them. You see I do business on a
large scale." He extended a moist
fin and added, "Besides, I'm getting
dry." '
As Charley reached for the ex
tended fin with a fixed determina
tion'to'hang on to it he knocked the
ink bottle from the desk. Then he
rubbed his eyes. Only a little pool
of water on the floor remained to
mark the visit.
"Confound it," he cried, "he got
away,again."
Tt" Will Happen.
"This is the fourth morning
you've been late, Rufus." said the
man of his colored chauffeur.
"Yes, sah," replied Rufus. "I did
ovah sleep myself, sah."
"Where's that clock I gave you?"
"In m'room, sah."
"Don't you wind it up?"
"Oh, yes, sah. I winds it up, sah."
"And do you set the alarm?"
"E'ry. night, sah, I, set de alarm,
sah."
"But don't you hear the alarm in
the morning, Rufus?"
"No, sah. Dere's de trouble, sah.
Year see de blame thing goes off
while I'm asleep, sahj"
Judge Day as Young Lawyer
Didn't Argue This Question
Shares4 Beji With "Hard-Looking!' Individual and
Decides to Give Him Plenty of Room as Big
Pistols Are Brought Into Sight.
"Some questions can be argued
and some can't," said District Judge
Day, "reminiscing."
"I remember one instance early
in my career as a lawyer. I went
to the western part of the state to
gather evidence for a lawsuit. Leav
ing the train at Sidney, I drove over
into the country to a ranch located
where now the town of Palisade
stands.
"They had only a sod house, but
they were willing to put me up for
the night. The rancher told me that
about 1 or 2 o'clock another man
would be in with whom I would
have to share the bed. I told him
that would be all right.
"Well, I went to sleep and was
awakened by hearing someone in
the room. I looked around and
there was a fellow about six and a
half feet tall and powerfully built.
He had just lighted the candle and
I could see his broad shoulders and
his bearded face.
"Just at that moment he pulled
two pistols out of his holster. They
1 - 1 I A. i 5
iuuhcu auuui a yiru iuug 10 inc.'
He saw I was awake and, as he laid
the guns with a creat clatter on th
table, he said, in a gruff voice: -
"'Reckon you and I'll get along
all right, pardner.'
"I toid him I knew we would and
I' moved over and gave hira about
two-thirds of the bed. , .
"The next morning when I had
an opportunity to get better ac
quainted 1 found he was a highly '
educated man. He had graduated
from Harvard and then his health
had broken down knd he 'beat it' for
the west. He certainly had re
gained his health.
"T had to go about 20 miles fur
ther and he insisted on driving me
over there and back and wouldn't
take a cent of pay for it, either."
Hunters Fill Each
Other and a Mudhen
Full of Birdshot
At 4 on the morning the ducks
began flying above Carter lake and
a shotgun battle was nearly enacted
between Guy Eldridge, 1905 Binney
street, and his buddy, Ted Eyler,
2116 Binney street.
Both nimrods were hunting for
anything that flew and both were
fully awake, they say. They mud
crawled around the south oil lake
until they spied a bevy of mallards.
No sooner had Ted let go a couple
of fiery blasts than Guy let loose a
bombardment.
After the smoke had cleared away
the hunters spent the rest of the
morning picking bird shot from
each other.
Incidentally the rain of shot
brought down a lone mudhen, ap
parently suffering from the flu, lum
bago and dropsy.
So Busy Weighing
" Cattle He Forgot
School Had Begun
Promptness and servitude to his
Alma Mater were entirely over
looked by Joseph P. Malloy, worthy
member of the senior class at
Creighton medical college, last
Monday, registration day- at the
school.
Joe had been guessing avoirdupois
weight of hogs and cattle at a
South Side packing house so ener
getically all summer that when time
came to return to school he forgot
there was such an institution.
But "hitter late than never," so
Joe rambled off to renew experi
ments in bugology, four days late,
after a delegation of his "playmates"
informed him -of the opening,
Pat Thought He Was
Shutting a Window, .
But it Was Bookcase
Pat GrifBn.'one of Council Bluffs'
returned heroes, although he was v
gassed, is taken by his friends to
have a normal mind. But if he pulls
any more stunts like he did Monday
morning, his friends threaten to
have him watched.
"Pat," like lots of others, felt the
decided change in the weather dur
ing the wee small hours last Monday
morning. As usual, he had his bed- .
room window wiHe open and awak
ened with cold breezes blowing over '
him. He closed "a window" anH
jTieaved a sigh of relief.
, When he got up Monday morning
his window was still open, and upon"
investigation he discovered that he
had shut one of the open glass doors
to his bookcase. And he admits it.
If It Was There'd Be ' .
Several Hundred
Killed in the Rush
A small, well-dressed man entered
the sheriff's office in the court house.
He looked about timidly. -
Roy Musgrave, bookkeeper uid
deputy, approached and asked the .
man what he wanted. '
"My wife is very sick," the little
man 'whispered. "Unless she gets
some whisky, she may die. I have
heard that you have lots of whisky
here." ' -
"Isn't your wife under a doctor's
care?" inquired Mr. Musgrave, much
impressed by the man's talc.
"Oh, no she doesn't believe in
medicine." replied the little man.
Mr. Musgrave explained that '
whisky could not be given out by
the sheriff, and the little man left
in despair, nr