m is way Gentkmei foMe MM feints 0 , . ' Tito Omaha Sunday Bee OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, SEPTEMBER 21,, 1919. The Ak-Sar-Ben carnival with its multitude of 'side shows starts its annual engagement next Wednes day. But why bring in these freaks and curiosities when we have a continu ous display of curiosities right here in Omaha all the time?' We could show the most stu pendous, gigantic, stupefying, be wildering aggregation of astounding aad monumental marvels of the modern world ever gathered to gether in. one city! . Absolutely and positively without parallel in the annals of civilized manl . ' 837 Rent Hogsl Think of itl Count 'em I 837 , 2,485 Bootleggers! 2,485! 214 Apartment House Landlords! 214! , . - Don't miss the colossal side show "with its. brain-staggering aggrega tion of unbelievable wonders. Moralsqiiadibus. See the only living specimen of the now extinct Moralsquadibus. This savage beast formerly roamed the city at will, shooting unoffend ing citizens, breaking into private homes without warrants, beating up the inhabitants and throwing the city into terror. Spectators are warned to be careful in viewing this -J terrible animal for, like the fabled basilisk, it's look may kill or at least, make one sick. Here you will see the one and only, original and genuine Rent Hog in captivity, secured by this show regardless of expense, and exhibited at a cost of $16,789 per month. The diamonds which this animal wears are worth nearly $9,537,952.50. Senor Landlordo. See the nerve-racking, hair-raising, eye-straining, back-breaking spectacle of Senor - Apartmento Landlordo throwing seven needle-' sharp, razor-edged, bright, gleam ing, shining, death-carrying daggers at the apartment-house baby. At each, performance the babe goes into" convulsions and its parents faint. See itl' See it! You can't believe it till you see it! 1 Try your skill throwing eggs at the H. C. L. i A game of skill and chance. Three shots for a cent; 30 for a dime; 300 for a dollar. You can't hit H. C. L., but look at the fun and amusement you havel Omission of Few Words in Ad Causes Comical ' Mistake Editor of the Lake Andes (S.; D.), Courier Makes Apology for One of the Most Amusing Errors ' Ever Seen in Any Newspaper. - ' . Sioux Falls, S. D., Sept. 20. (SpeciaLJ-HThe editor of The Lake Andes Courier has had to make an apology for one of the most amusing instances on record of how the sense and meaning of a sentence can be altered by the omission of a few words. 1 A Lake Andes merchant sent the Courier copy for an advertisement, which, among other things, con tained these words: "I bought my goods last February when every thing went to the bottom, and I am going to sell you this line of goods at a reasonable price, not at the high, market price of today." The compositor who "set" the ad- 1 " -v vertisement, when he reached the above sentence, accidentally omit ted the words "a reasonable price, not at." The result was that when" the" advertisement appeared in the newspaper the sentence read thus: "I boturht my rood iMt February when tverythlnir wtnt to the button, and I am going; to Mil you tb.lt Um f rood! at tha Ugh market prist af today." When the paper appeared on the streets and a copy fell Into the f hands of the merchant he,needless V to say, lost no time in making his way to the newspaper office and ' demanding an explanation. Omaha Girl Takes Up Dare and Wins $25 in Bet on Airplane Ride Miss Ann Martin, bookkeeper for John Ralston Commission company, won "a $25 bet from Robert Ralston in the presence of 14,000 persons at the Lexington fair, Lexington, Neb., by riding in an airplane owned by Harry J. W. Hires, Stromsburg, Neb., live stock and ranch owner. Hires was in South Omaha live stock market September 4. He told of his plans and offered Miss Mar tin a ride. Ralston bet the young woman she was afraid to take the ride. She said she wasn't. And she wasn't When the machine landed the wheels were torn off, but neither Miss Martin nor the pilot was in jured. ' Old Man Johnson Has Joined Profiteers In Deciding All Bets . v ,t Fred Wilson, advertising agent of the Gayety theater, engaged in a heated discussion with the manager of the company playing the theater whether a circus parade would be ' held in Omaha when the trains were late. The money was flashed and ; old man Johnson mutually decided upon as stakeholder. The old man nonchalantly took the money with the announcement. ''Well boys, prices . are going up and, I need a good dinner. The best I can do for you is 50-50." ' V . "And he kept his word and only, gave half of my winnings," wailed Wilson when the parade failed to appear. , Bouquet of Live,' Human Interest Stories About People Eligible OmahasBachelors When Maxwell F. McQollough is dmitted to the bar in the near fu ll re he will be unique among Oma ia lawyers. There aren't any other lawyers here who can draw beautiful strains of music from a pipe organ. Ain't it the-trutl And "Mac" can do more than that. : He can "tickle the ivories" of a piano in master man ner. And, if he wants to, he can drive the neighbors to distraction with his cornet. But he doesn t do it. For he is a considerate and kind- : hearted young man. So you see, girls, you can have ulenty of music in your home if you hould make any matrimonial ar rangements with this specimen. 1 - ' An Ambitious Cuss'. "sifn Isn't a li. ,. 13.. tis'e xoing to be one mighty soon, by gosh. At the present time he is i:hauffeuvr of a typewriter in the of fice of the clerk of the district court. He burns the midnight oil at night 4earning all about the law 'n' ev'ry thing all the same like Abe Lincoln, only Lincoln didn't have " 'lectric lights. So you see "Mac" "4s ' a coming young man. ' He goes on Sunday to the church like the village blacksmith), but he rloesn't "sit among the boys." He ' sits up at the pipe organ and plays the hymns and anthems at the First United Presbyterian church. But you are probably impatient to trnmu lvVlr 4farfl woe hM-n Wn lie wasn't born in Scotland, but right L here in loway--place called Winter : set. You probably turned "summer sets" whei you were a child.But ;!ns was Winterset. x You Can't Blame Him.' .' Well, he grew up there and when " N, became an accomplished mu sician he went down to Tarkio, Mo., and was music teacher in Tarkio col lege for some time. Then the First United Presbyterian church of Oma ha called him here to be its organist 'Will -; vJX m m fl by a. STiNQBiL ti if r HORRIBLE SUFFERINGS AMONG LANDLORDS OF OMAHA ARE DISCOVERED Bumble Bee Conducts Investigation and Promptly Starts Relief . Fund. COMMITTEE IN TEARS! Some Landlords Have Only Two Automobiles! Read the Dread ful Details. and he naturally branched out and gpt law ambitions. His principal hobby is taking kodak pictures. After working all day at the .court house and studying law half .the night and practicing on the organ and giving organ recitals and playing at all the church services you'd think his time was pretty well taken up. But still he finds leisure to take pictures. He likes to go out in the woods and get close to natcher. Yes, indeedy. Does he ever take a girl along on these trips? Certainly, NOT I He is a very modest young man, his friends say. - Still "Mac" won't admit that he doesn't care for the ladies. . "I'mytoo busy," is all he remarks. - We'll say he s busjf re- .Back From -'f'-Ml'd? ithTales Astonishes Family W Y Up to Two Months Ago John Buck Was a Regular "City Feller," but Now He's a Bill Hart Type and Eats 'Em Alive. i The Bumble Bee, roused to action by pitiful stories of suffering among landlords, especially those of apart ment houses in Omaha, has decided to take action. A fund will be started today 1o assist the most needy of the land lords and their families. ; , Contributions will be gladly ceived. . The most crying needs of the landlords are automobiles of the more expensive kinds, steam yachts, diamonds (not smaller than three karats)j " well-improved farms and similar necessities. . ' Readers of The Bumble Bee hav ing cars costing not less than ,$4,000 and practically new,' or similar ar ticles which they are willing to con tribute to this" worthy cause, should notify the "Fund for Landlords ed itor," care of The Bumble Bee. Some of the cases investigated were pitiful. liie "investigators hearts were frrung and a number of them fainted and had to be removed fto their homes. Restrain Your Tears'. . Silas Wadda Dough lives with his family in a house having only 14 rooms andy four baths. They have been reduced Jto such extremities that' they have qnly five servants in addition" to the two chauffeurs. Mrs. Dough and her three daughters have spent the entire summer in California. - "We used, to go to Europe in the summer," said Mn Dough. "But stern necessity has prevented , us from doing that this year.v "I also disposed of one of my au tomobiles and am now managing to get along with only three. You can L to two months ago John Buck, formerly general manager of the - Ston Brewing company, was a regu lar "sity filer," dressing incity c'.othea just like other tDmahans. : Then he became part owner of the Northwestern hotel in Lusk, Wyo., (-swing. He resigned his position here and went to Lusk on July S to en gage in the hotel business. He has just returned to visit 4iis family at 2007 Sherman avenue. They gasped when they saw him. ' ? He wore a suit of corduroy. He wore cowboy boots with his trousers tucked into the tops of them. AmM he wore one of these two-story Stet son hats that weigh about two pounds and have an eight-inch ver- anda running all around them in place of a brim, and a platted horse hair band. , - He was complete for 'a "Bill" .; Hart parti with the exception of the belt, holster and .45 gun. The hat is all the more marvel ous because, when he lived here, he indulged a fad of going about with out any hat at all. . Now he is astonishing his family with "tall" tales about the west. He soeaks of himself and the Luskites as "we westerners" and likes to speak of Omaha as part of "the east." - "We westerners," he says, "have to go around armed 'all the time. Of course, I shoot three lor four men every morning before break fast. I do that just to get up an appetite." ' But his family know him and so they know he's, only "joshing" them. -, x ; , There AraLots of . Other Things That Are Running, Too Charlie Plotts, turnkey at the cen tral police station from 3 p. m. till midnight, is sometimes assigned to operate the P.' B. X. at the station. Such were his duties Wednesday night when one of the police report ers was at lunch. Time 11 p. m. ; The reporter called Douglas 174 to find out if anything had happen ed during his absence. "They're going to shoot the clock I" said Charlie. "What fojr?" bit the reporter. "The morals squad caught it run ningi" said Charlie, j see the necessity of raising rents in, the apartment houses I own." Mr. Dough is owner of the "In somnia," "Diminutive," "Cramped Up" and "El Indigestible" apart ment houses. The case of I. M. Getting Myne was even more pitiful. Mr. Myne at present is living in a seven-room apartment in his "James Brothers" apartment. He recently sold his 1(h room home for much more than it cost him. "I am a man of simple habits" he said. "By raising the rents of my other tenants in the 'Jam Broth ers' 30 per cetit I still get the same income from this house as I did be fore I occupied this apartment my- selt. -f course, I'm a bit cramped here with . only one batrr but I'll manage until my new home is ready. I have 'also disposed of all except two of my motor cars, the Locomo bile limousine for -winter and the little car, the Cadillac with which I manage to get along in the sum mer. ... "Of course when my family re turns from Hawaii we will have to make different" arrangements. These are days when we must all econo mize." - 1. ; : -" Mr. Myne ownse besides the "James (.Brothers," the palatial "Miniature," "Band ' Box," , "Un comfortable" apd is building a new one, the "Pirate." . , ; Pitiful Cases. f ; The investigating committee call ed at the homes of other landlords and found nearly all of them with less than three automobiles. One poor fellow wis found who declared that his income ' last year waf less than $20,000 from his three apartment houses. - But how do you live? inquired the chairman of the committee. "I had a hard time," he said. "Was able to start - only one new apartment But I have raised the rents tu-per ceni rorine coming year, l will-.not go .through the privations of last year aeain. I had only one limousine last winter, andJ once it was m tne repair snop two days and we were compelled to ride on tne street cars., it was awtui. The committee shed tears a the pool' fellow's story. He bore marks of his privation. Only . three diar monds were on his fingers, none ot them weighing over four karats. Ihc Bumble Bee is now ready to receive contributions to the fund to assist these poor landlords. It is hoped that readers will re spond promptly. WHAT HAVE YOU? The much-to-be-revered and often-to-be-repeated London Times has the following advertisement: - A perfectly peaceful person, who hates being unnecessarily annoyed, urgently requires the name of ,a first-class hotel in London where, the following an noyances do NOT occur: (1) Where the gentlemen at- the re ception bureau, though doubt ' less of high moral character, !o not seem to have a thor ough grasp of the English lan guage, never get your name correctly,-nor .remember who you are five minutes afteyou have told them; (2) where the same gentlemen do not send letters, addressed to you, to an entirely different person, nor keep tele grams for two days before de livering them to your room; (3) where it l is not absolutely es sential to penslon.f the head waiter for life befoKe being able to get a table; (4) where break- fast does not take 35 minutes to arrive after ordering; (5) where it is not impossible to get-hold of anyene staying in the hotel on the telephone or failing re ceive an entirely incorrect mes sage, if at all; 6) where nobody knows " where you are. in the hotel, despite the fact that you have just told them where you will 'be; (7) where everybody isn't a "blithering" idiot, except possibly the general manager, who is always too busy to see you The life of a perfectly peaceful person" would be made much more perfectly peaceful "if such a haven could.be tound. Anyone with any suggestions would .greatly oblige, and be heloine in this desirable object. by sending -them to Box Aj452, The Times. 1 , OUR ERROR. "Pirates Tak" Lead and Whip Reds." The headline looks like an other defeat for the Russian wild men. But it is merely a base ball headline. PROVERB. A "leg show," bv any other name, is jifst as salacious. ' Wonder What Eddies Friend Had Against i the Concrete Mixer? Various makes of automobiles are taken for anything from the Sphinx to Astor's pup, but Eddie H. Kranz, wllo drives a four-cylinder shay from his apartment to daily labor in his "coal and lumber mine north of "little Africa," cops the china bathtub when it comes to placing epithets on renegade cars. Eddie's car is powerful; he has that satisfaction. In appearance it is as homely as a backsliding lunger spitting from a rusty rail of a side track in Arizona. In color the car is nothine in par ticular but a-plenty in general. Re cently while Kranz left his motor pet standing near Seventeeenth and Farnam streets a curious pedestrian stopped to investigate. Said investigator recollected that all army wan tanks had left Omaha. However, he withstood the sight by remarking, "Wonder who belongs to the concrete mixer?" Kranz overheard the slander. He pilots MMM U I. - 1 U!N mc lai UHUUgn I1U W Vll JUS way home. , A Good Thing Sherlock Holmes Didn't Look ,. Like ah Omaha Copper Capt. Anton Carranza Vanous ,all lit up in his dazzling uniform, went out early Thursday mornig to catch burglars. ' ' , His brass buftons, snow-white cap and silver eagles glittering- from all parts of his portly frame afford a burglar a fine target, everybody admits, but they afford Mr. Burglar a better danger signal, On-a dark uight Vanous can be seen eight city blocks. Besides Vanous had a . double barrelled shotgun , on Thursday morning and a sack of shells in each hand- A revolver in his pocket and a "sap" hooked to his wrist com pleted his defense. ' A call came into the central police station that burglars were breaking into the H. H. Harper store. Flat iron . hotel, at 2 o'clock- Thursday morning. The burglas saw "Cap" Carranza coming and had time to make their "get-away" before the (rood captain was in shooting dist Strike' of Waiters and Cooks Is Nothing in the Life of This Pair Strike of waiters and cooks and the high cost of pie and other pro vender in local restaurants do not bother City Commissioner Urfe and Clerk of the District Court Robert Smith. They, lunch together 'every day in Mr. Smith's private office in the court house. Their lunch consists of shredded wheat biscuits, erstoes and some times 'cheese. Not a very savory luncheon, you would say. V But Messrs. Smith and Ure are Scotchmen and thrift is their middle name.' Thrift and hardihood. They may have to chew extra long and gulp extra hard, but the dry wheat biscuits and the dry cheese go down eventually and make them strong and brawny and all that. . Before the grape season the daily lunch consisted of only the shredded wheaf biscuits and cheese. Grapes, they say, are very wholesome and safe to eat. Believed the Only uood Englishmen Are Those Who Are Dead In an amusing article dealing with New York, Frederick Martin, a vet eran newspaper man, relates the fol lowing story in the September Wide World magazine. I was discussing Mr. Hearst one day with a journal ist who didn't - work for him, he writes, and he expressed the opinion that this proprietor of so many anti- English newspapers was himself really an admirer of England and that he-only raved about England's "misdeeds" as a pure matter of busi ness, to cater for the very large ahjti EngHsh public in the country. "You've seen that picture of Wash ington at Barney Flynn's, haven't you?" he asked. I had been in Flynn's saloon in the Bowery, but I hadn't noticed any picture, and I told him so. "I haven't been in there for a long time," he said, "and it may not be there now; but the story about it is just as good as if you had seen it It was a picture of General Wash ington on a white horse. . He was shown as waving a particularly murderous-looking . sword, and at the horse's feet was a huddled up Eng lish soldier who was as dead as a Westphalia ham. The picture was done as a" wall decoration, and at first it was merely intended to be a portrait. The addition of the dead Engjishman came about at the sug gestion of Flynn, Who, when he saw it first, asked the artist who it was supposed to be. , " "Who is ut?"- repeated the shocked artist. "Who else could it be but Washin'ton?'! - x "Washin'ton?" said the bewildered Barney.. "Who the h is Wash in'ton?".. ' "Say, you ought to be locked up in a nighfschool." reioined the dieust- tslartist. "Washin'ton's th'. duck who freed this country from th' English." "He bested th' Enirlish. .did he?" said Flynn, and looked admiringly at the-Father o'f his Country. ' "Say," he continued, after a long piruse, "you paint me a good Eng lishman, down there Under the horse's fut an' I'll give you another four dollars." "And the artist," concluded my in formant, ''duly put in a deadEng-' lishman,v which Barney Flynn ''con sidered to be the only sort of good Englishman there could bej' Veteran , Carpenter ' In&Rublic Schools Will Be 68 Tomorrow Dread Past Rises From police Files to Face Wandering Boy Bertillon Picture of Seven Years Ago Shows Smootly , Unlined Features of a Neophyte Years Bring the Hard-Lined Features and Steely Eyes of the; Practical Criminal. ' ' , From the annals of the Bertillon office at the central police station comes the record of one Arthur Nelson, claiming the United States at large as his home. A week ago, young Nelson was arrested for the theft of an automobile belonging to Edward Deamond.j 301 Seward street He was bound over to dis trict court under heavy bond nd is now awating trial for the offense. It was not until the unmanage able lines of his 6nger tips were imprinted on a filing card by means of the . Bertillon system that the police learned he had been "through the mill" precisely seven years afeo. f , From Dusty Files. . L From dusty files, Nelson's" old record was investigated. His photo graph was combed from the thou sands that -comprise the rogue's gallery. , '' Seven years ago, Nelsorf then a mere youth, began a three-year term in the penitentiary for highway rob bery and burglary according to the record. ... , His latest arrest brought oppor tunity for a comparison of both stages in the young man's life. The photograph, taken at the time he was arrested fofjiis first crimes, show the facial expression of- a neophyte, an amateur, ignorant of what crime really is, with soft eyes as yet untouched with the hard lines and steely glints ef the confirmed criminal, and which seem to plead for pity from the spectator. Years Bring a Change. " V" "Ya wouldn't think a kid like that t 'd do any stickin' up, would ya? re marked a detective gazing at the youth's picture. . In contrast to this first imprint of facial expression, his latest picture' taken last week shows a decided change in his personality. " -J; Though resembling his former pic- " ture, this late photograph of Nelson, the man,; sets frtn more rugged countenance. His cheeks are sunken, chin alert and mouth set at a sharp angle. The "hard" appearance the youth acquired during his term be hind the walls shows plainly, a . . Call of His Pals. In police court following his ar rest, Nelson stoutly claimed absolute innocence of serious crime since his conviction for highway robbery seven years ago. He intends to fight the charge of automobile theft. "It was the call of the old life' that lured me back to crime," Nelson told detectives. "I've had proper raising s but the influence of pals has over come me."- - Within a few weeks, begging 'for one more chance to make good, he will face a jury in district court It will ibe the guiding point of his fu ture, he says. n , William Sievers," carpenter and cabinet maker in 'the continuous service of the Board of Education for 34 years, js the oldest employe in the school system, from point of service. ; Monday, when he was 68 years old, he will have served half of his life in the schools. He entered the service July S, 1885, when Mr. H. M. James was superintendent of in struction and. Mat Hoover was superintendent' of buildings. Mr. Sievers knew as children jn the schools many parents of today whose children are now in school. In thep1d days he went from school to school and repaired desks.Vdoors, windows and bther parts of schools. For a period of years he was car penter at Central High school, and in recent years he has been work ing in the school board's shop at Twenty-first and Nicholas streets. "I have never had a piece of re pair work that Mr. Sievers could not do, and as for his cabinet mak ing, I don't believe there is any better in Omaha," was the recom mendation given by Duncan Finlay son, superintendent of buildings. Teeth Extraction Endurance Record x Claimed by Of ficer ? Capt. Andrew Pattullo of the po lice department believes that he holds the endurance record in the matter of teeth extraction. Recently he decided to have : his teeth at tended. Friends advised him to take gas or,some other form of painless application. -But he waved aside all friendly suggestions, v He asked the boss for a few hours off one day and sauntered down to the office of a dentist, where he told the man with the wrench to go to work. - , At one sitting he had 21 teeth ex tracted and did not take gas, novo- came, or anything else. ' "Oh, yest Ifelt it, but I was not going to take gas," he' said. "It is a needless expense. The dentist had to yank rather hard toget one tooth, but he got it out. Yes, there were 21 of them, count 'em." v Fat Possum Shows Poor Judgment in Selecting His Sleeping Quarters - Dublin. Ga., Sept. 13. The family of W. W. Lane' will in the near future dine upon a fat possum who exercised the poor judgment of se lecting the Lane dining room as a place to sleep. Coming into the dining room to prepare breakfast re cently Mrs. Lane discovered the possum curled up asleep under the table. Mr. Lane came in and the animauwas soon placed in a pen where he is now being fat tened. - Nnw riot broil In Boiton: One can't believe It quit; In Boston old, In Boiton cold, In Boston wnr, w v on oen mo Dwell u tn truant. , Bt Furjntt. Welfare Board Asked : : To Tell Woman How to : ' Tame Wild Chickens "Will you please tell me how to tame wild chickens?" asked , a woman over the telephone, address ing her inquiry to 'the Board of v Public Welfare offjees in trfe city hall. s . ' Miss Bessie Wilson, who received the query, was in a quandary as to what to say. She had never heard that there were any wild, chickens around Omaha, and 'the- taming of such birds was quit? be yond her ken. . - "Hold the--wire a"minute, madam, ' and I will ask around the office ' here," said Miss Wilson to the in quiring woman. , She asked T. H. Weirich, super intendent, and Frank Bandle, one of the assistants, but neither was able to solve the riddle. Miss Wilson was about to give it up in disgust when she asked the woman to furnish further details of " her question. The woman said she was serious, that she just could not ' make her chickens behave. "I'll tell you what to do," said Miss Wilson, a bright light shining through her mental recesses. "You i just tie a lot of strings to the fence and fasten pieces of bacon to the ends of the strings. The chickens. will eagerly grab the food and will swallow part of the string, and then they will be tamed. I have tried this several times successfully. It never fails." The woman expressed her thanks, explaining that a neighbor had been v complaining because herchickens invaded her garden patch. If the tttel worktra In Georst Washing ton lime Hud all it o tun uo on thtlr tara. And offered to flv him just foif-eljht noura, Tner would each hart tot nlnaty-aln i year , ... , Best rurrna