: - Th " II id ht" Phi A sf : I i - A CALL FOR GOOD BEER. The Qmah Sunday Bee 1 i , - OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, JULY 20, 1919. Bachelor Maids Willing to Share Lonely Men's Homes Flood of Letters Follow Request of "Your Chance" and "liomebuilder"-to Find ;Only Girl" Seeking True . Love i and Comradeship. . . . . . ; . ' The germ of a great idea was born in the fertile brains of representa tives of two Omaha dailies. The idea at least sounded reaj sonable; homing piegons were to bring reports from the daring bl loonists who were to break distance '.records following the balloon car nival at Fort Omaha. Reams of paper fronr'our rapidly disappearing forests were used by these two Omaha dailies telling just . 'how their pet "homing" pigeons were to bring "exclusive" messages T.from the clouds-to the city editors', desks. ; S .' Like Grand Opera Singers. , But, alas, pigeons, especially hom-' ing pigeons, are temperamental birds.1 Either these "perfectly ' trained" homing pigeons were not given explicit instructions, or they misunderstood their orders. They, returned, they failed to light. Let no one say the messages were not exclusive as promised. They were very exclusive fact is they were excluded from every one uutil the aeronauts had arrived safely back in Omaha. The pigeons refused to light. It rwas tragic. " Press time approached. Report ers ' were dispatched to the scene r action. Corn was rattled. It ' failed to entice the wary "hom ing" pigeons. They refused to home. Someone suggested a shot gun as the only hope. It was sent for. But the paper went to pre'ssl The day was lost. - Tough on the Pigeons. Into the weary hours of the night the reporters of the morning paper watched hopefully. The pigeons failed to roost. Yet no one should insinuate that the plan was a failure. Far be it from us to even suggest such a thing. Vere.the two dailies notable to furnish their readers interesting data on the habits and peculiarities of the homing pigeon? They were I Weren't columns filled with heart rendering accounts of how a mother pigeon was taken from her nest and little pigeons, that readers might be kept informed? Columrtsjwere ! Nothing was said about, the lo cality of the balloons, pf course. But what of that? Didn't The Bee. with a.'much; l$ss. picturesque meth od, keepthe public posted on that? it did I .v; , Ugly. Ugly Rumors. And it is said that the promoters of the pigeon idea are somewhat in disfavor in -their own;offices. It is even told that their credit isn't good for even twenty-five (25) cents. But that is only, rumor. , The' effect on the pigeons them selves is said "to have been bad. It is said that they are vsuf fef ing from serious cases of balloon shock. Whether the mother pigeon, which was so rudely torn from her nest ; ' ' X and little ones, has returned to her home and family is not known. We hope so! And here we might suggest that parrots be used by the two dailies when the next balloon races are pulled off. Parrots are said to be much less temperamental. Besides, the aeronauts would then be saved the trouble of writing notes. They could just whisper the message in the parrot's ear and the parrot could repeat the message to the waiting reporter. To th Editor: The handicap of the lack of decent beer Is unwarrant ed: It Is an addltionalrgrtevance which should be removed, as I feel sure all other union officials will confirm. Why the restrictions upon brewing should continud passes all comprehen sion. The war has ended and the peace is practically secured. Why Should thA wnrkmnn Bfllt ha itani.il N his glass Of rood hftr at a rpnfinnnhK price? To a large number of the sections of workmen In my union, who perform laborious work, gjod beer Is a , necessity, and by executive trust Its production will not be fur ther hindered. After raising the hopes of our bibulous readers with the above, we must, tell them that is is-clipped from the London Times. The days of protest are past in this prohibition-cursed country. The H C. of L. Mr. A. Stinger I paid $7.25 for a crate of raspberries the other day. Three years ago I paid $2.50 for the same sized crate of the same kind of fruit. I understand that Mother Na ture doesn't charge any more for growing raspberries now than she did before. Find the beginning of the H. C. of L.? How come? Yours truly, Bee Wax. (The rise in price is due to the large shipments of raspberries to our soldiers and to the starving Armenians. Raspberries won the war. Editor.) Maxims of Lowell Miller. (Son of "Qus.") A hopeful bachelor without a car is like Bryan on the presidential ticket or a deaf and dumb woman at a 'kensington. Dreams form the doorstep to the door of opportunity and a good front the furnishings of the hallway. A telephone would be quite an accommodation if it wasn't such a nuisance. The President of Ireland. Emon.' Eamon. Eamonn. Emonu. , Edmon. Eadmon. Eadmonn. Bamon. Bamonn. Edwin. Edwinn. Amon. - Amonn. - We've seen it spelled all these ways. But the right name of the president of Ireland is Eamonn De Yalera. Louis Kavanaugh, president of the local Irish Self-Determina-tion club, says so. INDUCEMENT. From reading the letters of read ers to the Omaha Ouija News we gatjier that a sure way to get pray ers answered is to promise the Deity that you will write to the Omaha Ouija News if He answers the prayer. Sayings of Celebrities. David People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! Lucretia Borgia Accidents will regulated happen families. Tantalus Man never 'ays to be blest 1 Armour The pen is mightier than the sword! Neptune Water, water, every where, but not a drop to drink I Billy Sunday Empty vessels make the most noise! Rebecca Well! Well! Huyler Sweets to the sweet! Faust Give the devil his due! Romulus and" Remus Wolf! Wolf! Annette Kellerman Still waters run deep! , Emperor Wilhelm What can you expect from a pig but a grunt? Minerva A word to the wise is sufficient! Jess Willard I would I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheekf Queen of Sheba Fine feathers make fine birds'! f Caruso The stars sang together! Charles II EaL drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die! Adam Turn over a new leaf! Father Time We have met the enemy and they are hours 1 ' I-W. W. (Falrbury News.) In Lincoln's Gettysburg speech there was not a single capital "I." In the closing para graph of President Wilson's Memorial day address in France there were 11 "I's." And there 'were only three lines in the paragraph, as printed in the Congressional Record. Letters! Letters! and more let ters!. All from girls who wish to meet "Your . Chance" and ' the "HomebuHder," the two lonely bach elors who asked the Metropolitan Page editor to help them find the "only girl." - : . - ' Fortunate, indeed, are these two bachelors, who have homes to offer, for almost every bachelor maid who writes expresses real longing for a home, and genuine sympathy for any man who could be so unfortunate as to possess a home and not a wife. "Man, after all. is but a grown up child, helpless without the care of his loving wife," is the paraphrased contents of one letter. And here is a sample from another letter di rected to "Your Chance": "I saw your offer of a home in The Bee. home has always appealed to me. Birds, and all nature seem to teach that home is the best pro vision for happiness." This message well expresses the thought that is contained in all the rest. No Objection to Farm. "We girls do want homes, and a husband to love us," writes another bachelor maid. "I do not object to farm work, and I take pride in my dress." "I am a good housekeeper, can bake tread, and have been helping my father plow," writes a third girl, who wishes to meet "Your Chance." Yet her dainty handwriting bears no evidence of work in the fields, and her English is go3d. She explains that she is writing to "Your Chance" rather than to the "Homebuilder," simply because he is a farmer and she is a farm girl. She even devotes 1 a few. lines to the crop conditions. What a wonderful wife she would make for any farmer I -f-But to quote more is merely to re peat. , If "Your Chance," and the "Homebuilder" are unable to pick the "only girl" from the bundle of letters which the editor of the Met- ropiltan Page has forwarded them, they will probably remain single for ; life. 0 Surplus of Girls. And the fact ,that they can't marry them all naturally leaves T .? surplus of girls for some other bach- ; elor to pick from. So confident ii . the editor in the desire of the aver age girl for a real home, that he ven tures to assure any bachelor with i home fo offer, who writes to him f 6i assistance in finding a wife that he will receive at least one reply. Anyway the girls have responded nobly to the appeal from "The Homebuilder," and "Your Chance," and there is no reason why they should not respond to the call of any other lonely bachelor. Convention, dull at best, has been done away with to a large extent during the war, and a slight depar ture from the conventional method of getting acquainted may result in a lifetime of happiness. Who knows? Nothing would please the editor of , the Metropolitan Page more than to help some man or woman from the common place drudgery of life, to the happiness of true love and com radeship. And all he asks in return is the pleasure of being told of the happiness found through these col umns. . Come on, you bachelors! Believes Bride Cannot Begin Married Life in Home of Hub's Parents Is it possible for a young bride to begin her married life in the home of her husband's parents and under the same roof with her mother-in-law? Lucy Clark thinks it may be pos sible, but not probable. Miss Clark is record keeper in the justice court of George S. Collins, and she be lieves she knows a thing or two about married life. "I know a girl who is a sweet young thing and she became en gaged to an object she called Chauncey. A few days before the time set for their marriage he told her that they were going to live with his folks, and then she told him that they were not going to live with his folks. The wedding was indefinitely postponed," Lucy Clark related. And then she added: "And . I would see him hanging eight years from a Christmas tree before I would have married him under those circumstances." Yes, and They Hunt for Loose Joints. Last winter a woman passenger on an eastern railway asked the porter why the train had stopped bctweon stations. ,"Oh," said Rastus, "the engineer dene found a broken rail." "Well," said the woman, "why stop for that? Do the passenger train' on this road stop to pick up every broken rail they find along the track?" TV Minor. "Oh, dea, sighed the movie star, "I forgot something when I, was downtown shopping!" "What was it?" inquired her sec retary. , , "I meant to buy an automobile to match my new hat." Bouquet of Live, Human Interest Stories About People A 1 When They Wooed and Won -:- Edw BiaCk ,We offer this morning a pictur esque presentation of J. W. Met calfe, secretary of ' the Associated ' Retailers, as he appeared in the hevday of his youth in St. Louis. sWe obtain from his memoirs infor mation whichindicates that he was a regular tenow DacK in tne aays w.tien he attended Sunday school and when he began to cultivate a mustache. He also rode a high bi cycle and went to base ball games. - Speaking about ball games, he re lated an instance when he played "hookey" from work to go to a ball game. He occupied a 75-ceht seat and observed his boss in the bleachers. ,The boss observed him. He was supposed to be working. The next morning the boss called him into the inside office and in stead of administering the expected lecture, he commended him for go ing to the ball game, but adjured him to observe the formality of ask ing leave in the future. Mr. Metcalfe was born in St. Louis and lived there until he was 26 years old, when he decided that Omaha held more opportunities for the ambitious man. He went to Sun day school in St. Louis and therein lies the story of how he wooed and . won. In- this Sunday school . were ' various young women, as there are in all Sunday schools. One summer there was a picnic which Mr. Met calfe attended. One of the Sunday school girls served him ice cream. She served him an extra dish and seemed to show him particular at tention in that respect. Several other young men attend ants of 'this Sunday school had been making eyes at this particular young woman, so Mr. Metcalfe be gan' to ' spruce up a bit. He was seen occasionally driving over to her home in a phaeton drawn by a high Stepper. He outdistanced his rivals tie nad his photograph taken and she placed ope of the pictures on the family organ. He never missed a session of Sunday school after the eventful picnic. He took her to circuses and the county fair and bought her a plush-covered photo graph album for her birthday anni versary. he gave him a pair of suspenders for Christians. As the days sped on, a better, understanding was snareo Detween them. v One Slinday afternoon, while they were seated in a lawn swing at her iiome, ne remarked thay it seemed that all of their acquaintances were being married. She agreed that his observations had been correcl. It vas a good start, he thought. Then "he groped his way along until he just up and asked her if she would marry him. She said she would and she did. The minister who introduced the young woman to Mr. Metclafe was asked to marry them. Mr. Metcalfe was one of the most bashful young men in St. Louis when he lived there and he said that he afterwards wondered how he mustered up sufficient courage to ask a young woman to marry him. When he was a boy he be lieved that he was doomed to bachelorhood. , After he was married he moved to Omaha and engaged in the ad- vertising business, and seven years ago he organized the Associated Re tailers. f Luck Helps Omahans Hear Talk When Senator Fails Weaver Presribes Broncho Riding for . . Internal Diseases Frank L. Weakto city aHornW, . recommends brocho riding as a pan acea for various internal disorders, During his recent vacation spent in MCfherson county, Nebraska, be rode a broncho -nd studied natural history. : Before he went out to the .sandhill country his liver was out of kilter and he was suffering from a general run-down reeling. He rode a broncho four hours every day and presto he is a new man. The broncho shook all of the tired feeling fut of him. Ton't make fun of this, because it is a serious matter, and I am ready to prescribe broncho riding for that lackadaisical feeling," Mr. Wearer said.-' "I came back homi feeling like a 2-year-old, fit to fight, if necessary. It was a won- : prise to me, because I had no thought that these daily rides would ; have such a beneficial effect." While in the sandhills Mr.Weaver ' studied the habits and habitat of the j prairie dog. "It may surprise you to know that these little animals are very saeacious. lhev live m towns or colonies and always main tain a-lookout to warn the others against approaching danger. These dogs remove the shrubs and grass irom a space surrounding, their dig gings, this evidently to give them an unobstructed view of enemies such as the coyotes.. I observed one of these prairie dog sentinels give an atarm, ana u was. amusing to watch them take to their holes." . , Screen Scrapple. -The seven deadly sins of the movies ire:. - -' '' The one the scenario writer com mits against the authbrv when he mutilates his script' The one the ' 'director commits against the scenario writer in chang ing nis version. The one the star commits acainsr the director in "hogging" all the scenes. ' The one the camera man rnmrmt against the star in not giving her a sufficient number of close-ups. ;. The one the electrician commits against the camera man by not hav ing the lights in orooer workinsr or. der. , . ' ; The one' the critic commits acafnet the picture when he pans it The one for which sponsible when. the picture is bad. ! . . JTrom JbJt Film Fun. " It Wffl, Brother, But v Certainly Notjn a Green Bathing Suit "Truth crushed to earth will rise again," was said by somebody a long time ago. . C. K Sherman maintains that it is so. Last week, while olavimr golf in the Chamber of Commerce annual tournament at. ttfe Seymour club links, he was awarded a green bathing cap because it was believed that he negotiated all of the water hazards. He accepted the headpiece and swallowed his hurt pride for the nonce. A golf ball was driven into the spnnghouse of the club arrounds and it was believed that Mr. Sherman did this deed, henc the green bath ing cap. The truth, however. nr yailed when it was made known that J. D. Foster was the merry little golfer who drove his vtfiite pellet into the springhouse. Mr. Sher man has the word of Robert H Manley on this matter. - "How would I look in a crrrrn bathing cap, anyway?" asked G R. S, with a laugh upon his lips, Mr. and Mrs. Otto Nelson Follow Distinguished Party Through Private Tunnel to Hear President Tell of Completion of Peace Pact. Evolution A lucky accident enabled Mr. and Mrs. Otto Nelson of Omaha to be present in the senate gallery when President Wilson delivered his ad dress to the senate on his return from France. They were in Washington to at tend the wedding of their daughter, Amy, and while there, determined to hear the president. They went, on on the .big day, and presented cards which they had received from Sen ator Hitchcock, but were told by the doorkeeper that these cards were for ordinary 'days only and would not admit them on the big day. lie said there was1 no method known under the sun whereby they could gain ad mittance! Undiscburaged, they went to Sen ator Hitchcock's office and consult ed his secretary who told them that he could not possibly get them into the senate gallery fliat day. So they departed. In the hall they noticed an elevator and a num ber of distinguished looking gentle men waiting to get into it. They joined this crowd and entered the elevator. It went down, but instead of discharging its passengers on the ground floor it proceeded on down and when they got out they noticed they were in a subway and an elec tric car was waiting. The distinguished gentlemen got on the car and the Nelsons did the same. The car proceeded through the subway and stopped before an other elevator door, marked "Pri vate." The doof opened and the distinguished looking gentlemen got into an elevator and Mr. and Mrs. Nelson were still with them. The elevator shot upward and stopped. The party got out and the Nelsons found themselves in the senate gallery. "That's, luck for you," said Mr. Nelson, iii relating their adventure. Jews Wearing Kilts Novel Scene on Ship En Route to New York Can yu imagine two Jews in Scotch military uniform? That was one of the diversions on board the good ship "Orduna" whictwecently reached New York by the way of Halifax, from Liver pool. On board was Capt. A. H. Good, who visited Mr. and Mrs. W. B. Whitehorn, the captain being a brother of Mrs. Whitehorn. "You must understand that toward the end of the wa there were Scotch companies that were filled in with men ot other nationalities and the funniest thing I observed coming home was the sight of two New York east side Jews dressed in Scotch kilties," said the captain. The visitors lived in London dur ing the time of air raids and had many thrilling experiences. And the Fight Was On. A well-dressed citizen staggered into a lowetvDouglas street restau rant. He had been drinking bootleg liquor. "Bring me some oyster soup," he ordered, glaring 'at the waiter. "One stew," shouted the waiter. An the fight was on. As usual, police arrived too late to catch "one stew." By cable "America" is via Matteawan: If a song, is European? Deputy Sheriffs Form Order of Cake Eaters . At Birthday Party Deputy Sheriff Chris Christensen was a much surprised man Wednes day afternoon. Chris is a bachelor and Wednesday was his 51st birth day and Chris pretty . niece, Miss Julia Christensen, had a surprise party for him in the sheriff's office with the aid and consent of Sheriff Mike Clark and the whole flock of deputy sheriffs. They trumped up a story to keep Chris there at the appointed hour, 3:30 o'clock. The word of Deputy Sheriff Charlie Hoye is that "Chris eyes stuck out like pop bottles when he saw his niece and she kissed him." With the niece was Mrs. Edna Bayles and she kissed Chris, too. Charlie Hoye, seeing this grand display of osculation, began wiping off his. lips and made a great show of "willingness.". But, though' he used up two clean handkerchiefs in a wild effort to attract some of the kissing his way, he failed entirely. Chris got six or eight kisses, they say. Also a box of cigars which he immediately put under lock and .key And some handkerchiefs. And then Miss Julia brought in the birthday cake, a (huge chocolate affair. The Ancient Order of Cake Eat ers was quickly formed and at the end of half an hour the birthday cake was no more. Ray Johnson, Robert McGaffin, Pat Welsh, Judge Foster and Mrs. Manning, all of the sheriffs onice, were present besides the oth ers mentioned, v I ate me a Welsh rabbit, In the night last past; I ate me a Welsh rabbit, Whereby to stay my fast; Simply a Welsh rabbit, A harmless, armless thing, With not a leg to stand on, Nor voice to speak or sing. I ate me a Welsh rabbit, Then hied myself away To bed and dreams and wishing 'Twere longer yet till day; Simply a Welsh rabbit, A wileless, guileless beast, That hath no other mission Than serving for a feast. I ate me a Welsh rabbit, Gadzooks! I thought it so; But after I had gone to sleep How quickly it did grow Into the strangest creatures Into the mares of night, Into the gibberish monkeys Into the shapes that fright, Into the ring-tailed roosters, Intathe jabberwocks, Into the jangling jaguars, Into the six-horned ox, Into the horse with flippers, Into the hog with wings; Into the cat with feathers, Into the cow that sings, Into all manner of creatures, Of all the earth andair and sea, And all of them promenading Or sitting around on me. -I ate me a Welsh rabbit, In the night last past; I ate me a Welsh rabbit urt. ... . , vvucreuy to stay my last; Simply a Welsh rabbit How could there possibly be in a mtie tning like that A whole menacpric? Eligible Omaha Bachelors The ancient proverb saith that "the shoes of cobblers are always in the worst condition." And with this text we proceed to a learned dissertation on the strange case of Harry A. Koch. (Hand me that musical instrument, Watson, which was presented to me by the The Movie Extra. I wander here, I wander there For dollars five a dayl v In fact I wander ev'rywhere For dollars five a day! Made up like someone young or old, Arrayed for weather hot or cold, I humbly beg or crossly scold For dollars five a day! I am a banker or a tramp For dollars five a day! I am a hero or a scamp For dollars five a' day! I draw a sketch or write a book, I am a waiter or a cook, I am a copper or a crook For dollars five a day I tend a farm or live in town For dollars five a day! I. am 'way up or else 'way down For dollars five a day! I walk or ride, I sell or buy, I eat or drink, I laugh or cry, I work or play, I live or die For dollars five a day! From July Film Fun. Sure! That ma-in-law is Verv Who does not try to Interfere! ? jryrm S I AIT J( Maharajah of Hooplala after I had recovered his diamond necklace for him. I can talk best when I am drawing weird music from than in strument. Thank you, Watson.) What connection have shoes and cobblers with Harry A. Koch? None whatever, except that he wears the one (or two) and employs the other. Is a "Parlor Pet" But here'sithe proposition: Harry A. Koch is ''one of the greatest "parlor pets in Omaha, a chap whom the girls all like, a social lion, so to speak, understand. And yet he isn't married. No, sir, it's the truth. None can wear a dress suit or a Tuxedo with more grace and aplomb than he; none has more savoir faire (French) in the drawing room; none knows better than -he the use of every spe cies of knife, fork and spoon on the dinner table. Moreover he has companionable disposition. He likes to sit down and talk and he is a master of the art of conversation which, in these days of silent movies and noisy air planes, is rapidly becoming a lost art. He has loads of friends, many of them being of the fair, mysteri--ous, strong, admirable sex. .(Mean ing gals and women.) He Prefers 'Em All. But still he remains a bachelor and he bask in th .mil.. n . - VI illl of em instead of taking orders from any particular one of em. " It's a good plan iu many ways, (though far be it from the editor of thet bachelor gallery to say so.) ' Harrv erew un nVht hr , midst and went to sclool and event ually got into the insurance business with Martin Bros, company. Now he has a nice little surety bond parlor and insurance shop of his own, with his name on the door and everything. He has a little car nothing elabo rate, y'understand, but one that goes and, of course, he doesn't refuse a lady a ride if she hails him as he is buzzing along the street. But He Can't Help It " He lives with his mother and sis ter at 4812 Dnnc1a ctrf ;,,. - couple of doors from Miles Green leaf. Still, this fact should not be used aeainst him. H nrnh'lw rincn' have much to do with Miles He belonsrs to the Fielrl. fnitnir, and Athletic clubs, where b U known as a dancer "par excelence" ; and a golfer a long way below "Dar." He's some little tenni nlavar having won several championships in "the "love-40" stuff. Incidentally, he was member of the board of di rectors of the well-known Chamber of Commerce once. V, But, oh. how he can dance! An at entering a drawing room he hai no superior and few peers. He never wears a colored shirt with his dress suit nor tennis shoes -with his "Tux.''( He knows -all the social rules anJ regulations, consti tutions and by-laws. And he obeys 'em. ' . Frenzied, But Not Financial. The mild-mannered man with the washed-out blue eyes wanted a job, "What was your last position?" asked the manager of the Slapdash Philm Co. "I was a dummy director." "Good heavens, . man, this isn't the f financial department! And I don't believe this concern needs any such article." "You don't understand." rebuked ihe man softly. "I had charge of Jhose dummies that they throw out ' of third story windows and put un der express trains." - From Julr Film run. - Early. "Mary, while you stood in the doorway" telling that young man good night, did it dawn on you that X"N, it wasn't that late." ' The Woman Way. . If the shoe fits, get a size smaa Cartons Magazine, . ' r