a Sunday Bee
- .OMAHA.
. V...
SUNDAY MORNING. JUNE 15, 1919.
Wanted: Young Lady to Write
Letter to Lonesome Yankee;
Editorof Metropolitan Page Gets Letter From .Corn-.
husker With the A, of 0., Who Is Eager Ta Corres
pond With . Girl From Home Other y Lonely
Bachelor Men and ornen. ; j ' i
L ; U X 1 .1. I R "I VI- I I l v . . 'H -B . ,
A ft J .asm. mmm .. T- - - 1 m 11 wif - aWasst)-r .. . as .sas-se. .sa m a. . adiKJI r v .
V'Wi I HI V fVTd W i&ZL 0X I V nil
. ' " (Front Oar "Hapvr House" Cattail aadent)
r. OH. BOOTIFUL NATCHEJRI
. . How beautiful . are these apring
days out in the parks around Omaha t
The bulbul birds have flown back
.'from the far north where they spent
"the winter and now their happy
notes are Heard in. the parks. Ihe
, bright green plumage of the pick
aroo, tne yeiiow ot tne osnxasn, tne
" red of the edpsmith, the rainbow
i hues of the danbutler and the
ombre black of the jimdahlman are
. seen as they flit about itvthe woods,
We saw a charliefanning building
its peculiar nest made with paving
-atones the otner day. this Bird and
. the edpsmith are inveterate enemies.
The danbutler is against most of the
other birds.
-' In the early morning the wild
, woofwoofus can be heard, calling to
its mates.. Tame gooseberries can
, be seen with their young. The
wongbongboo, a peculiar animal
with four legs and two eyes, is plen
tiful, this year. y.
And the flowers, oh, my goodness,
. how beautiful are the. f lowers 1 What
' a riot of color, they make!
.'. The ' splendid golden pansaeyn
thias. the lovely blue and (yellow
palmolivias, the jet black, sapolios.
the ; scarlet pumpernickels, the
brown Cadillacs, the bright j-ed wim
usonias, the stately pebecos, the pure
white washburncrosbys and all the
"other flowers" that gladden the land
scape! : : - i ...
now they appeal to our artistic1
- soul as we wander some beautiful
t evening Sunday when the geejaws
twittering in the grass 1 '
Oh, how all nature seems to sing
! sing of the glorious winter that is
coming, when each day shall be sep
arate from every other day.
r Oh, beautiful nature! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Wahooo-; Hahoo-b-; )
Means Where Are You?'
'Here I Am' In Monkey
"Wahoo-o-6," wahoo-o-oo."
Through the deep, jungle glades
of Congo, nightly the missing link
thus trebles shrilly to the light of
his life, his lady love. ? ' Then' 'it
twines his tail tightly ' about the
limb of ,, a bambam : tree, swings
gently back and forth and listens.
"Hahoo-o-o, hahoo-o-o-o."
From: her boudoir high in the
branches of another bambam tree,
far away, in the forest, her heart
of hearts makes bashful answer.
That's the way the -"missing link"
finds his lady love, , according to
Prof) Richard L. Garner, tbegreat
est of all authorities on monkey
un-Mssecl
Jtaid
Personality
Sidelights
doings, who returned from another
African exploration" recently and
brought this news to the World.
Wahoo in. monkev talk is
"Where are you?" , r
Hahoo in monkey, talk is I am
here."
Omiim His BbrneM.
A certain anrfeon, who waa rery younf
and rather any. waa Invited to dinner by
a lady, who waa at leaat St, but frlvoloui
enoofh for SO. 8b Imagined herself
vary elerer when making' rude remarks.
At dinner aha aaked the young aurgeon
to carve a fowl, and. not having dona ao
before, ha tailed lamentably. Instead of
trying to covet hla confusion,- the hostess
called attention to it pointedly by looking
down th table mat aaylng loudly: . .
- '"Well, yon may.be a very clever aur
geon, but If I wanted, a leg off . I should
not com, to you to do It."
"No, madam." he replied politely, "but
then, you see, you art not a chicken."
Stray Btorlea. . - , 1 i ..-
Mayor Smith rushed into the of
fice of tTity Attorney Frank 'l
Weaver last Tuesday morning and
remarked: "Weaver, I want you to
go and address the undertakers for
me. I am very busy today' and I
can't go myself." ' .
"I don't believe that I would be
equal to the task. I have not been
in the habit of hobnpbing with un
dertakers," replied Weaver,' "Wbn'l
you excuse me?" Get Assistant At
torney Mossman." ;v ..
No, I want you to go and rep
resent the city in, my place," in
sisted the mayor. Weaver i went,
He told the morticians that he
hoped their meeting in Omaha
wQnld be a successful undertaking,
and he told them to drive by ihe
city hall, because there are no
TT , . ....t.l t nil. a
unusual oi anusiwwi v
tne glamor or oversea cnarma,
bumcs a icucr w u vutw, v. iu
Metropolitan page, asking that aome
(cat icurasKa gut wiwv
H!r " rcr1r rnrnhusker" as he
calls himself, who is in, the army
ImJ Mtw vAr fftitn In
Yankee manhood that may have
k.. 4...:. mrA hnr inHitwhlt.
UCII IHIOICU ' " " " .
by tales of maids more attratcive,
revived again, .
a.l; tA unUc insert in vour
paper the following little note as a
tavor irom a regular ornnuscr,
he writes: ' .
"u;:ii .Am r,rr Vind. little Ne
braska girl write a line or two to a
lonesome Nebraska boy from Oma
ha. Am still doing my bit in Ger
mitti Vi armv rf occuoation.
and don't expect to get home for
several montns. -My auureas
r-1. r R,,t th remainder of the
WICII - . -
address is safe in the files of the
editor s desk, out oniy awaiting me
asking to be released. ,
In the same mail came the timid
whfi though Dcr-
haps equally Jonesome, is more hesi
tant in saying so,. "By U means,, she
writes, I 00 not want mi
published In any way, as I would
not nave any oi j ...
h. t hava, answered this.
any y - -
but would be glad to. meet one of a
hundreds of others art in. a maU
town, who nava nut opiwuumi,
whatever onlv to meet farmers, of
wnom l care muz.. , , .,. . ,
"My ideal is one who sis quite
good ; looking with, fairly good fi
nancial prospects; who has an auto
mobile and likes to enjoy himself
t0Your name Is indeed kept quiet, I
but befort finding your "Ideal" bw
sure that it is your true ideal Per.
hapsyou are overlooking one right
among the farmers "for whom you
care a little I" .
v, There are many who fulfill tht
good - looking qualifications; none .
who" today have better financial
prospects; few who don't own auto
mobiles and you could easily teach ;
them to enjoy themselves if they -don't
already know.
But yet, the women are not sat
isfied as a rather indignant letter
signed by "One ot Them" shows. "
She says, "Why confine ! your help
to 'pretty maids' when they need
less help than older sisters? She
has many more to choose from than
we of more mature life and also
more time to spend in making a
choice. : In Omaha , there are .hun
dreds of women, past youth, many
educated and refined i who, after
their day's work, liva alone in a
lonesome room, . and1 the future
promises no change unless some
philanthropist extends a helping '
hand. Why not you be the one
to help? We believe that there is.
a good home and a good com- -panion
for each one of these middle'
aged .women were . the . way only -opened
up." , , -
Young or old, . pretty or non-
pretty wa welcome your letters '
and "with malice towards none but .
kindness to all." they shall be
answered. .
Bachelors and bachelor maids if
you want to correspond seriously ' ,
with a prospective husband or bride
send us your requirement's . and
something about yourself, perhaps
photo. We'll do- our best . and . it
will be our secret no names pub
lished. Address all communications
to editor of the metropolitan page,
Omaha Bee, J v
political corpses In the municipal
building." 1 "J - '
"Most difficult; speech ever
made," remarked Mr, Weaver whfcn
he returned to the city halt
Judge George Holmes of , the
municipal court has been doing his
bit on the bench of the police court
during the.1ast.week.. .He said he
found a lax: system in vogue there.
Habitues of the court .stood around
with hats on, and smoking. He
inaugurated an old custom of open
ing court with formal announce
ment by the bailiff.
"God save the president of the
United States and this honorable
court," are some of the words which
greet the morning air when Judge
Holmes presides at the police court
The - first morning - the - judge ap
peared at the court several lawyers
and a coterie of policemen held a
free-for-all in the court room,
. Ben S. Baker and Julius S. Cooley
met in court Copley's head bore,
evidence of a recent encounter with
an automobile. One eye was cov
ered with a bandage.
"Is that the blind image of justice
which I behold?" asked Mr. Baker.
"Have a cigar, my friend,, have a
cigar," was the greeting extended
by Coqlcy. y :v - ' y
: Jabletal
The most difficult person to find
out is your dentist
V The English language is called tha
"mother . tongue" because', father
never gets a ehance to use it.
The wages of gin is breath.
. Look out for number one, unless
you are a widower. Then look out
for number two. .
Bouquet 'of Live, Hurrian interest Stories About
People
Eligible Omaha Bachelors
. Comes now Thomas P. Wilson
, ana oeclares, asserts and asseverates
"that he is not an eligible bachelor.
H admits that he Is a bachelor,
but insists he is not "eligible."w
We told that he is eligible and
present his case herewith to the
feminine public. ' ;
"Tom" is one bf the expertest
of expert court stenographers. He
takes down the evidence of the
miarreling litigants in District Judge
Estelle's court and has been doing
that same for a considerable num
ber of years. - ,
"I'm not eligible says "Tom,"
"and-besides, I hold that a court
reporter has no business to be mar
ried.' Whjr, here I am working
sometimes all day" and half the
night I don't get time even to
spend my money." ' -
Wife Would Be Useful
"Ah' we replied, "bul that is Jut
where a wife would be useful. We
mate bold to assert that a girl
could be found who would be will
ing to undertake to spend your
money as Mrs. Wilson."
- Did we speak more T than the I
truth, girls? We don't think sJ5."-
"lom , -waa born back in .old
Pennsylvania, near Pittsburgh. He
left that tmoky vicinity while still
f. a boy and came to where the west
begins and helped run the Union
Pacific railroad as office boy.
. While engaged in ; this, occupa
tion ... he decided to be a court
stenographer.: Sq he bought a book,
a tablet and a pencil and started
in. He learned it all , by himself;"
without the a:d or consent ofa
business college. - "
His Hobbls Flowers. '
He Jives with" his two sisters at
,2214 Capito avenue and his hobby
j flowers. He raises all kinds of
'em. And e has a pleasant little
htBitt of bringing down an armful
of tlem to .the court house and
!ratributing -them among, the dif
ferent omces. - 1 he girls put them
in vases on their desks and smile
on "Tom." '
cut he doesn t seem to pay
much attention to the atmls.
' - Sometimes in the summer he
takes' a trip. Once he toured the
east touching ill the cities of im
portance between here and Boston.
. In spite of his assertion that his
. profession makes a man "cross and
cranky" none has ever seen him in
tStt condition.
, He looks like a ! mighty good
"bet" provided you think you can
manage to take care of the money
. spending. '
T 7orc if Habit
i Entering each house in the block
at night and shouting: "Nine o'clock.
Some mistakes the discharged
soldiejr is likely to make when he re
turns home. - - '
Marking time when neld up ati-
street crossings.
Ducking into a manhole when an
-!5PbiMl bacjs-firfj
r.'" ." 1
Poetic Teacher. Tells
Of Hardships of School
Work Way Up In Heaven
. The following poem was read' by
an umaha schoor teacher at a recent
meeting held in honor of a retiring
principal. The teacher-poet says
she prefers to "blush unseen." Su
perintendent J. H. Beveridge avers
that tt is "some poem."
When earth's that youngster la "finlakad.?
And hla 'iWkra" whmiII ,
-vdrted. .- ......
When earth's last younreter la "flalshea.
An tha newest of (ads ha died. .
Wan rlaa from tha raat ve'ra been tak-
OBr rat Af in aun m ,m.
And hike ourselrea all inmnil huvan.
Calling out throurh tha Infinite blue!
Calllnt Ikey and Patrick and G retch en.
uioTaani, eeiinaa and Paul
"Come children, coma back to year taaeh-
Too weren't ao Uafter 1L" '
Wa'U eTaka up our aid work again,
Befln oa thee little Immortals,
m-wm wif ax una woman ana mea.
X4 nobody, aver ahall boat us,
Wa'U discard all pUfia and bosh.
And all through tha cycles eternal
.Wa'U teach aa wa please, b'goal -
r Twas Ever Thus.
"Mulier cupido quod dicit amanti '
In vento et rapida scribere oportet
aqua. ..; Catullus.
? Hard on Grandfather. '
(Stromsburg Headlight.)
. To Mr. and Mrs. ' Lloyd HoU
lister, on Friday May 2ird a
7yi pound boy. The v mother,..,
father " and hahv ar i erottinir
along nicely, but the grandfath
er has hardly survived.. It is
the first' time that At Westenius
of the Headlight office has been"
able to call himself grandfather
and he is trying awfully hard
to be dignified in keeping with :
- his new responsibility.
Sea Eddie Black.
H City Commissioner Zimman is S
teet n inches in height which is
just one-eighth of an inch less than
the minimum height required to get
on the police force. :
A Long Session.
"The Weekly Whirl," official or
gan or the Omaha Rotary club, ad
vertised the meeting of. last Wed
nesday thus: " - f-
"START 12:15 A. it. -"ADJOURN
1:30 P. M. SHARP."
We figger that at 13 hours and IS
minutes, which ought to go down in
history as the longest meeting eyer
held by a Rotary or any other club
in the entire country. It seems
rather appropriate that there was a
. first aid demonstration" by Scout
master Morley Young as a feature
of the meeting. -- 1
Future Presidents, Maybe.
- . (Shaman County Times.) -f
The Wiggle Crfek schoolK
I commencement exercises were '
held on Wednesday evening,
' May 21. Five were in tne grad
uating class this year. A very '.
pleasing program was rendered.
Rev. J. V." Bandy delivered the v
. class address, Rev. Li V. Slo
cumb presenting the diplomas. '
, ; Useful Information. ''
Three automobiles were stolen last
Sunday while their owners were in
church. Some husbands can make
use of this fact . - -
We Didn't Know She Lived Any-
' tfnere. .
T)ear Mr. Stinser: Did vou know
that Vera -Green lives in Wakefield?
In one of Dr. Gregory's articles
he gives Herbert Spencer's defini
tion of evolution as follows:
Evolution is the integration of
matter and .concomitant dissipa
tion of motion during which the
matter passes from .an indefinite
incoherent homogeneity to a ;
definite coherent heterogeneity,
and during which the retained mdS.
tion undergoes a parallel trans
formation." ' la our opinion the trouble with
It Happened in a Movie Show
own
While Rain was Pouring D
One Leaky Roof, One Seat In the Front Row, Several
Film Fans All Go To Make One Grand and
Glorious Feeling. .. ..
.Wouldn't it be one of the most
uncomfortable moments in your life,
If it had rained in the morning,
and . . "y.
' If in' the afternoon you ahould
choose to gd to a show, and .
If the theater was crnwdril- nA
there was but one seat in the fourth
row left, and " ' s-
If you took "this one incrl wit
in the-fourth row and
If you stumble over the feet of six
grown-up persons, and . ' f
it you discover that r the . heaw
rain caused a leak in the roof, and
If the water just pours down in
streams on your coat, trousers, hair,
etc., and . . r.
If VOtl ir tnn tntl-tl nf a
man to get up and disturb the same
six grown-up people again, and
stumble over the same 12 feet of
these six(grown-up peopled . '
.But wouldn't it be a grand and
glorious feeling if the words, "The
End," suddenly appeared on the
screen and the people flock to the
door to leave the place and you
chose a seat just: in the middle of
the fifth row, and you see a beauti
ful young girl and. her sweetheart
sit down on the middle . seats in
the fourth row and soon leave the
seat again -because it still pourf
down through the leak in the roof
and they are just soaked, and -during
the two -hours' the show lasts
you Iiave the pleasure (?) to ace
glad people, , because they have
found the only seat in the house
and then trying to evade the steady
pouring drops, leaving the seat as
soon as the oooortunitv oresents
itself an watchful waiting, for the
next victim to su aown, ana men
enjoy themselves because it is the
other, fellow who is now sittinsr un
der the leaky roof. : y '
. dee. am t it a arrand and elohous
feeling? 's ' ,; , . '
Spencer is that he does not meat
plainly. The average mind fails to
get him because he. uses words
which are difficult of assimilation.
H6w much easier it would have been
for everyone to understand if Hr
bert had used bur own definition of
evolution which is as follows?
, Evolution is an imorigurous out
rowthSf avretiary paradox; en
jgrafting on the persiflage a me-
phihc diapason, causing it to" per
, meate the neurasthenic rhomhnid
and so producing isotheronaUy,
protoplastic, vitality. ,
Little Fly Upon tha WalL r
Dear R. K. M. Relative to "Lit
tle Fly Upon the Wall." here's what
I consider the best version:
"Uttla fir npoa the wan,
Ain't roa got no shame at all
. Ain't you-got no ahlmmy-shlrtrY
Ain't you got ao petti-skirt T - '
Oot so bankr for your aosaf
Ain't roa got no clothes T , v -
Nobody lovea you, little fir, ' -If
I awat you, you will die;, ' "
dot no friends, got no pals, "
You fly around town with wild cats;
Uobody lores you, only Ood.'- ' -
' If 1 w ! .Tr V
I never saw a shimmied fly, -I
never hope to aea one,
But I can tell you. anyhow,-'. . . ;
Thla might be a he one. .
ALBERT FRANCIS GREEK.
But What (1 of C Said
Is Not jtecorded In
. , -History -
. Living op to the record of your
uniform is some job sometimes, as
one buck private learned during a
conversation with the .commander
in chief when the latter reviewed the
4th division recently. . - , .
As - the general ' was making his
rounds he stopped before a man
wearing a wound stripe.-' y- -..
""Where were you wounded?"
asked GeneraLPershing y
"At Soissona, sir."
A little farther down" the line he
stopped again. V t ' " "
"Where were you wounded?" he
asked. . .
"Wou-unded?" replied the soldier,
with some ' surprise, unconsciously
looking himself over for blood. Just
then his eye caught a gold chevron
on his right sleeve and he snapped
back to attention.
"Borrowed the overcoat, sir," he
answered. ' i
The general pasj&ed pn.-Stars and
Stripes. - ' ,
When They Wooed and Won -;-ByEdwardBlack -:
Do you remember the time when
you would walk home two or three
miles, after having taken her home,
and maybe it would rain or snow be'
fore you reached your own baili
wick? You didn't , think it was
such a task, y And perchance yott
had to walk along a lonesome way,
too. But you ,wasn't frightened.
You was thinking of how long it
would be until the next time. No
road was too long nor too rough in
those days when you went to woo
and to win. It was the heyday of
love's young dream. ; We know of
an Omaha man who walked alone
five miles along a dark road, but
that was long ago, before gasoline
became popular.. :
. Louis Berka is not boasting about
the long walks he made from Pon
tiac to New Haven, Mich., during
the days of his youth, but be avers
that on many occasions he made a
week-end trip in a light one-horse
rig over, the 'distance of 28 miles
between those two owns and made
the return trip on Sunday afteN
noon, reaching his home sometimes
beneath the starlit sky. He had a
reason. Her name was Zella Rem
ington. , - ' 'i
The former umana ponce judge,
councilman, acting mayor, justice of
the peace and legislator, decided at
the age of 7 that he should traverse
Y':S:-::-:-:'y
V
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0
Jl
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laers MerAa
the ocean-wide to come to this
country from Bohemia. He settled
first, in Genesee county,-Michigan,
when he applied himself during the
open season to farming, and during -the
winter time to acquiring a com
mon school education. : Before E he .
attained his majority 'he learned the -trade
of marble cutting, and wal en- ,
gaged in that business in Pontiac
when he acquired the habit of driv
ing the round trip of56 miles after
work .on Saturday and before be-
ginning another week on Monday,,
morning. He met her 'first in Pon
tiac and then v he decided on the '
horse and. buggy route to the young '
woman's heart He made a lot of
young fellows 1 jealous (in New
Haven,, with his hfgh stepper and
red wheel vehicle. He observed that
several of the New Haven youths
were pricing horses and rigs, so he
! asked her if she' knew where a ittin-
later couia oe xouna. one saia sne
knew where a Methodist. minister
lived, and they went to the preach
er's house in the red wheel buggy
and were married. He was 23 years
old then. After his marriage he
went to Ann Arbor law school and
completed a course, arriving in
Omaha at the age of 27 to take up
the practice of law. K
He came to Omaha in 1883, and
has been here ever since. .'. f -
When the judge, wooed and won,
a horse and buggy helped matters
along quite a bit; today it is a fliv
ver or six cylinder touring car. k, -1
"I believe that Horse knew every . j
step of the road between Pontiac
and New Haven," remarked the. -
judge. ' ' . , . -
How Gin a Girl Vamp
When She Just Can't
1 " Smoke a Ggaret?
y Cast for a star part as a first-class
vampire, Miss Adelaide Ambrose,
despite , her "come-hitherish" eyes,
refuses to vamp. Her managers, who
have, styled her "the. only" blonde
vamp in captivity, are distracted,
but pretty Miss Ambrose is entirely
tranquil. She has starred in "Ca
mille" oii the speaking stage, but
doesn't consider that vampingT :.
. "I did star as Camille, but she was
never intended to be portrayed as a
vampire," said Miss Ambrose. - "As
a woman, with a past, of course, but
there is a strong thread of nobility
and greatness running through tier
character, and that is what appeals
to an audience. r ? . ..
"It is the human, interest: touch
that you newspapers people 1 realize
tha value of in your stories. I be
lieve. And that is what, in my opin-l
ion. anneals Just as strongly to the
theater-going.public. I have always
held the belief that people in general
- 1 .J Ml J r , a a a
touch of humanity. That is depict
ing real life, for in reality no one is
wholly good, nor altogether baa.
' Woman with a Past
"Out greatest S plays are usually
centered about the woman with a
past, but she possesses a touch of
the divine that eventually lifts her
cut of the mire, and it is just that
touch ,6f divinity that reaches the
hearts of the people.
"The usual vampire as portrayed
on the screen does not represent a
human being at all, and yet I realize
it is a popular type ot the screen idol
of todav. But I do not believe it is
the character portrayal that attracts
the audience in this instance, i minx
it lies in the fact that the actresses
who olav the vamo roles are able to
put it over by sheer force of their
own strong personalities. ; By this I
mean that in a role of a different
sort, thev . wduld be just as tnucn
idolized by the public as ever. ; .
"t have arirued with my managers
over thin- vamo business until I am
um hut thrv tnerelv tell me I am
perverse, and will never,, never sta
in tile films until I take up the vam
pire roles. So tUere you are. I d
rather never star tnan dc a vamp.
"And tell me, please, now is any-
U. S. Marshals Will ;
Be Broke This Month
' Unless Boss "Digs
,t.r in Hie villaiif or th had
woman on the stage redeemed by a j-one going to be, a successful ,vamp-
; United States Marsbal Flynn has
come to the conclusion that to sue
cessfully hold the office to which ha
was appointed and over which he ex- -ercises
jurisdiction, a man should be
pretty well up in the millionaire
class.- r . -
The trouble with Marshal Flynn
is that to pay the May salaries of
his office he has had to go down into
his own pockets and dig up his pri
vate funds. When the treasury de
partment sent on the-cash to pay
May. salaries of government-employes
in Omaha, the necessary ,
amount required to settle with tha
marshal's office was omitted. Flynn
wrote the disbursing officer in Wash-' "
ington and is informed that for his
office no money for salaries will be
available until after congress, has
passed the -deficiency appropriation
bilL ' "' .'"-: , - y . , ..; . . "
pire when one cannot smoke ciga
rets AnH I simply can't You see,"
she added, laughing, "I was born ao4
reared in Kansas." -
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