maha Sunday Bee
of
0 0
Easy to Go to Africa by Air,
Bump Off an Elephant, and
Return in 7a Week 'in 1920
British Lieutenant Describes vHis Idea of a Week's
Vacation in 1920 Just Liktf Jules Verne He
Maps Out a Short Elephant Hunting Trip in the
African Jungles Jules Verne's Dreams 'Came
True; Will Lieut Walmsley's Come True, Too?
The first molar is hack"
'iring oh ihc pi cuspid thus
ausino aniniern
combuxtioni
"N.
- . . .
. V eaMSSlnsB 1
Mr -e. - "W,
m. iiiiuuu rr na
4-
How it fceQ to have
"creams Jy
Torture
A tooth, according to Old Man
Vebster, is a lump of dentine sur
rounding a central pulp cavity, and
coated with enamel.
J A dentist is but, no I. We sliall
say nothing. ,We have just finished
paying a bill to one. We Shall not
forget, however, x that this article
may be read by ladies. We shall
give no voice here to our opinion
- of what a dentist is. - s
In the days of long ago it is said
the world was happy. There were
no dentists then.
Today their number is legion.
And they are protected by even
more stringent laws than the migra
tory birds. There is no open sea
sonfor dentists.
What Are 'Historians to Us?
It is our opinion that dentists
sprang iuto existence contempor
arily with the Spanish inquisition,
tnougn in tnis tneory we are not
"supported by historians. But what
cart we for historians? A fig for
the historians!
,It is our theory that the dentists
are" the descendants of the em
ployes of . the inquisition who
operated the hot griddle, the thumb
screws, the rack and other clever
inventions of . the middle ages.
What else ronlrb have ffiven rise
to the appalling epidemic of dentists
which is sweeping the world?
There are scores of dentists right
here in Omaha. There are den-
tists on nearly every corner.
Now. in the . bright lexicon of
dentistry there is no such word as
"pain."
, , "Will it hurt, doctor,?" you ask
Bouquet of , Live, Human Interest
Eligible Omaha Bachelors
i
. Hr lia ic Trrv Hnwarrt. the
real, genuine, blown-in-tjhe-bottle,
stamped-on-the-fabric friends of the
working women.
And Jerry is a bachelor.
"""I'm the fri'nd of- the down-
throdden, oppressed and pairsecuted
laboring classes," says Jerry, in that
rich. County Limerick dialect of his.
Jerry is a statesman. Four terms
he has had in the state legislature
and last spring he came within an
ace of being elected a city commis
sioner of Omaha.
He has a fine disposition except
when-. he gets to talking about his
coorpor-r-rations or the employers
, who pay their women janitresses and
clerks "starvation wages." He se
cured the passage of the first minir
..,n rrm kill i. tV.. TT..U.J Cl.l..
iiiuih agt. uiii in uic umtcu ctdica
; and it was upheld, as he says, by
"th' soo-preme coourt."
- Likes to Make Speeches.
Jerry is never so happy as when
he is making a speech and he makes
a mighty good one in his own pic
turesque style. The sight of his
, honest, earnest Hibernian ' countt-
, iiautc is enougn 10 draw r crowd
to any corner and h natural ora
, torical ability soon puts enthusiasm
vinto the crowd.
He means what he says, too.
He's a real Irishman. He tried to
free Ireland before he came to Amer
ica. During the land feague troubles
in 1881 he went to jail for the cause
of Ireland. That didn't cure him of
being "ag'in th gover'mint." When
, he got out of jail he fought for free
Ireland" until it was necessary for
. him to leave the old sod.
Here's His Ancestry.
' Here is what he says regarding
his proud ancestry:
"I was born in th historic county
of Limerick, on the borders of r-r-r-,
rebel Cork and of gallant Tipperary,
in the parish -of Glenbrohane, which
river r-r-raised a. 'peeler' or a sol
dier and whinever they saw land
lord they shot him. What is a
'peeler,' you ask. It's a policeman.
'Peelers' and soldiers, they're both
for the gover'mint, an they niver
a Dentist at yorkl?
Groh. ,
Jy Kriid.
.f Sd.
as you sit tremulously in the chair
of torture.
The "Green Cheese" Laugh.
He laughs as one laughs at a
little child whq inquires whether
the moon Is really made of green
cheese. , t
"Why, of course it won't," he
twitters. "Of course, not."
Then, when you are helpless, he
begins his fiendish work. He starts
drilling a hole in your sore tooth.
He drills for about four'hours and
a half, by which time the hole ueems
to have been sunk through the jaw
bone' and well down into the spine.
' Then-he washes his aiands for
about an hour1, whistling a merry
little tune to himself as he thinks
of the torture still to be inflicted
upon you. Ones, tn a while he looks
at you and is reassured to see you
haven't escaped.
Gets the Ship Riveter.
Then he gets the automatic, compressed-air
ship riveter ready.' Prob
ably he bought this cheap from
Uncle Sam after the armistice was
signed and the riveters were no
longer needed in making ships.
He has another device which looks
like a small machine gun and which
throws 500 chunks of gold a min
ute into the bottomless pit drilled
in your tooth. ' "
When everything ' is ready and
your mouth is stuffed, full of damns
no,- no, we mean dams he starts
shooting with the machine gun and
pounding with the compressed-air
riveter.
Sometimes he takes a crowbar
and pries a couple of adjoining
r mm i
r-r-r-raised aither kind in Glenbro
hane." Jerry says that when he was a lad,
the rosy-cheeked 'coleens of Glen
brohane smiled upon him. If there
was a real romance he has it locked
in his tumultuous bosom.
At present he is fighting the bat
tles of.-all the downtrodden women.
But he might take a helpmate
even yet. He doesn't say he won't,
be'gorra. -
Face Value I
Barber: "I cannot take that
smooth coin."
Customer: "But, my dear sir, I
asked you for a smooth shave!
Cartoons Magazine.
7fr.
iy
V V
Exact size of tooth
teeth loose. He often screws a
corkscrew into the gums on both
sides of the tooth and drives in
a wedge with a sledge hammer.
Some dentists make pleasant little
conversation-, during -this fiendish
work.
"Feels like rain, doesn't it?" one
of 'em said to us once.
We thought it felt like something
else.
After manipulating with the ma
chine gun, riveter, crowbar, cork
screw, wedge and sledge hammer
for about seven hours and three-
quarters, , the dentist runs a buzz
saw over the enamel for an hour or
two and then beinj. all tired out,
he lets you up.
-v Big, Strong Sten.
Most dentists are big, strong men
If they weren't, their bodies would
be found crushed and broken, where
their victims had left them, imme
diately after being released from the
torture chair.
On the first of the month imme
diately following the crime above
detailed the victims receive a bill
from the dentist for $97.50. Thisis
the minimum charge nowaday'The
victim makes a few appropriate re
marks when he receives the bill and
In 1895. .
Seven "sturdy citizens ascended
in these here new-fangled contrap
tions called airplanes last Monday,
and got lots of publicity. Which is
right and propoV, but it just sent
'our memory' back about 23 years
when something like this was com
mon, in the papers:
James Doolittle took a ride in
the horseless carriage recently
purchased by Dr. Phineas
. Boggs His friends bid him a
"long farewell" as he mounted ,
the machine. Mr. Doolittle was
pale but determined. JDr. Boggs,
pushed several levers after turn- ,;
ing a crank, and suddenly the
machine started w'lth a jerk and
went down the road at a good
pace. They drove nearly a mile
before returning.
"It was great," said Mr. Doo
. littlev. "S.ill, TH stick to the old
horse. These horseless carriag
, es are all right for novelty but
N they'll never come into common
use."
And in 1825 they were saying the
same -thing of the railroad.
And in 1825 B. C. the same of the
ox-cart. - '
AvBig Day for Jay."
(Burwell Tribune.) '
Jay Rogers made a short call
at the Blake post office Sunday.
, BESIEGED. V
We are still holding out against
overwhelming numbers, pushing us
toward buying an automobile. We
have provisions to last until spring.
THE DAMP1BE. '
A chump there was who thought himself
wKe, i .
(Nothing- like jou and I.)
Said he, 'Vlrt'ry notes pay too low, I
vsnrmlse."
He believed the fake stock peddler's plaus
ible lies
Aad now all he's cot for his pains is his
- sighs,
(Nothing like 700 and I.)
Oh, the cash they waste,
And the "dish" they waste, '
And the work of their heart and hand,
Were all for the stork that did not pay.
And now they know iOirrer could pay.
.'Bat VlcVry notes are grand. ', 1
4 . fiBrtr
Givind a patient
ihe onceover
500 chunks
Just before and Jusi
parlor
then during the next seven years, he
pays, pays, pays.
"Oh, the woman always pays,
pays,' pays 1" The dramatist sobs.
Usually, in ftfet, her husba-d pays.
Somebody has to do the "drity
work."
There are bicuspids and canines
and molars aTM eye teeth.- But all
of them are subject to decay. Den
tists can find cavities almost any
time.
A MODERN DIOGENES.
(Winslde Tribune.)
- Wanted An honest man or
womafi to buy cream and . eggs
"in Winside, Neb. Complete out
fit and check book furnished.
Write me for full particulars.
Leo H. Simmerman.
Making the World Safe for Democ
racy. (Notice in Brewster News.)
: To Louis and Fred Schneider
eit: - You are hereby notified to
stay off my premises, especially .
the E. 1-2 of section 12 T. 24,
R. 23 W. of the 6 P. M. Fred
Schneidereit is strictly notified
. to keep his stock, also h!s family
off my premises. Mi's. M. A.
Tabor.
Some Are Pleasant. -
(Elm Creek Notes ln Decatur Herald.)
George Connealy and family were
-Sunday, callers at the Bernard-Con-nealy
home.
Roy Anson and Walt Parsons were
business callers tn Tekamah Thurs
day. Floyd Warren and wife was a
Thursday evening caller at the Vol -Warren
Jiome.
Mrs. George Neary of Decatur and
her mother, Mrs. Dan Neary were
, pleasant callers Sunday at the
' Robert Redding home.
RYE NOT "RYE" '
( Brewster ?ews. )
I am prepared to buy rye any
day and any time at prices that
1 compare well with markets in
neighboring towns.
A. McLEAN,
Dunning, Neb.
A Hot Time in the Old Town.
(Kenesaw Progress.)
Mr. and Mrs. Ed Powers and
son Lorenzo, and Miss Amy
Powers , and JMr. and .Mrs. M.
W. Pjeston and daughter Cora
and Orin Baker all enjoyed a
pie .sant Monday evening at the
hotne of Will Burlings, eating
popcorn and candy.-
Wonder How the Printers Put Their
Clothes in 'Em.
"PLEASE KEEP LOCKERS
CLOSED AT ALL TIMES," says a
sign in the composing room of The
Bee. ' c - i ,
g
027
erf device resemblind a machine dun wAicA thrown
affoid in your mouth
U2d worAs automaticaltyon your bank acewtnt
Instruments
o tor tare
as we
after entering the
of for tare
Much lias been said about the
happy, carefree life of the birds.
They sing all the day long. Why
shouldn't they? They have mo teeth.
A bird never has-to go to a dentist.
Often we have envied the' -hark.
This gifted fish has a series f sets
cf teeth. Whe he breaks me by
biting on a gold watch or diamond
ring while consuming a couple of
people for Sunday dinner, another
tooth pops up into position at once.
There are times when we 'oug to be
Excess Baggage.
(Scotia Register.
E. E. Megrue arrived home
from Wyoming Saturday. He
brought 180 head of cattle with
him. . ' v
The idea now seems to be "What
is home without a German helmet."
Rather a bad perFiume at the
peace conference, eh?
Italy will not be Fiume-gated.
vNE FUMEZ PAS
Tornado Had Strange
Effect on People in
Omaha, Says Ekdahl
"Did you notice the peculiar psy
chological effeot that the tornado
had on people in Omaha?" inquired
Frank Ekdahl. "There is certaiivly
some connection between the
strange and unusual condition of
the atmosphere which caused the
tornado and the strange and unus
ual something in the air that caused
people to dp strange things.
l was downtown in the after
noon and I had to ' rub my eyes
sometimes to make sure I was see
ing right. Folks were doing the
most unusual things. 1 saw twjo
young couples walking - past Sai
teenth and Farnam streets with
their arms around each other in
broad daylight.
'"On Harney street I saw a girl
throw her arms around a young
man. In an automobile I saw a
young man put his arm around a
girl by his side and kiss her several
times as the""car passed along Six
teenth street from Farnam to Har
ney streets.
''Somethingas in the air that
had an effect on human psychology,
that sure."
And Where?
"Jenkins is wrapped up jn his
auto." I
"Indeed! When 'did the accident
occur?" Cartoons Magazine,
fhip riveters1
e noznino k
a Dentist
in one minute
The
C.,iiliiMil-fl
Yf
itomgine they
are
a shark.
We have" to be kind to dentists,
though. For there are times hen
we need them. As the song says:
"Like a hobo needs a quarter,
Like a sore tooth needs a dentist,
i Like a baby needs its mother,
, Tha-a-at'i how-iOw-ow I need you."
Stories
II M m it
m
When They: Wooedand Won
Do you remember when, where
and how you fell in love?
Did you have a school chum or
playmate who had a sister and you
were rather sweet on the sister and
was too bashful to preserit your case
alone? And did you seek her com
pany through the companionship of
the chum? Perhaps you sent her a
May basket by- her brother and on
Valentine day sent her sentimental
remembrances with the picture of a
heart pierced with ,an arrow, or a
picture of cupid carrying a bow and
arrow. You went to parties and
met her there, perchance, and played
post office, spin the plate and other
games of the long ago. And you
went away but into the wide, wide
world and met many other girls, but
the memory of her was not effaced.
You went back to the old town one
day and met her again. ' She1 was a
young woman and fond recollections
were awakened. Youdid not seek
her brother then, ,but you walked
boldly up to her house and greeted
the . "governor." gave him a cigar,
it may have been. ' And then you
had abetter understanding with her.
Finally you proposed, and she said.
"This is so sudden," and you said
that it was not sudden; that you
had been thinking about it for a
long time.
Stuck Close to Chum
That may not have been your par
; ular case, nor was it exactly the
case of W. F. Gurley, one of Oma
ha's leading orators and lawyers. He
was born in' Davenport, Ia and
when a child he took his parents to
live it Georgetown, near Washing
ton, D. C. While attending school
in Georgetown he had a chum and
the f hum had a sister. He stuck
close to his chum so that he might
not lose sight of the sister. s
"I was keeping my eye open for
the main chance," he said. N
The chum was a means to end, al
though he was a good ''chum as
chums go. But when a chum has a
pretty sister, well, then it is some
times 'a different story.
Mr. Gurley and the chum and the
sister went to the same school. One
day he asked the sister if he, could
carry her books home and she re
plied that she thought ihe was able
By LT. L. WALMSLEY,
M. C, R. A. F. .
A Fantasy.
(Written fur Universal Service)'
London, May 3. "Getting rather
fed up with officej.work, are you,
Gillman?" said the boss; "well," you
can take a week's elephant shooting
in Central Africa, cm condition that
you're back for the big air confer
ence in London on Wednesday
week. I want you to represent us.
I'll wire Tabora to fix you up with
the two-seater and you'd better leave
by Saturday's Cape mail. . It's the
Southern Cross, I believe, so you'll
have a decent trip. Good luck" and a
safe return."
Unable to express my 'gratitude
sufficiently, I shook hands with the
manager of tfte Equatorial Air line
and rushed off to overhaul my kit
and my beloved guns.
Off For Africa.
At precisely 6 o'clock on the fol
lowing Wednesday morning and
within" a second of her scheduled
time, the great air liner received-her
"all clear" landing signal from the
Tabora air station and five minutes
later she touched the ground as dain
tily as a butterfly alighting on a wisp
of grass. .
The drome master gave me a cor
dial welcome. A large herd of ele
phants had been seen by the pilot
of the district "postman" near Lu
pembe, a mission, statiorNlOO miles
east of Lake Myassa, whichN pos
sessed a good aerodrome. t '
My game-license was;in order, the
two-seater was turned up, my pilot
was to be ex-Sergeant Tifhkins, D.
C M. (late R. A. F.), and the soon
er I got away on my 400-mile trip
the better, as the bumps would
become nasty near the ground after
8 a. m.
Meets His Pilot.
I wasted no time over breakfast.
My scanty luggage, including, the
precious .450 express and. a light
.303, had already been taken down to
the sheds, when I made the ac
quaintance of my pilot, a wiry,
brown-faced little man whbse clear
gray eyes twinkled as he caught
sight of the big rifle.
"Not such a dusty weapon, sir;
but give me the good old Lewis 1"
I decided that I'd rather be an ele
phant in front of my .450 than a Hun
scout within a quarter of a mile of
littlTimkins.
We watched the great Southern
Cross go thunderingover the aero
drome, rise slowly and steadily into
the crisp morning air, get her height
and hum swiftly away into the
southern sky.
We lost no time in getting off
ourselves, and soon., we were pour
ing along at leU miles per houi on
a course practically southeast. The
view unfolded to us was one of won
derful interest. The African "hush"
is by no means continuous;; fre-
quently there are open glades of
grass land, usually swarming with
game: there are great, windinc riv
ers fringed with luxuriant forests;
there are mysterious lakes alive with
crocodiles, hippos and strange fishes,
and with flamingos, cranes ano nu
merous wild fowl flying over their
About
to cary her own books. She really
wanted him' to carry the books, but
she entered a milif protest just to
see if Willie fturley would insist. He
"Dacf Weaver Decides
to Write Letter to. His
Old Pal, George Gjeen
If letters indicate the state of mind
of the writers, then George Green,
former, Omaha band man, has bad
blood in his eyes when thinking of
"Dad" Weaver, Ak-Sar-Bcn mogul.
George and "Dad" are the closest
of pals. George is now in Kenosha,
Wis. He wrote a letter to "Dad."
the substance of which was:
"Dear Bum, horse thief, old fogy,
toothless and hairless, corrfiptless
and careless old has-been, antiquated
f Mm.'
surfaces; and everywhere (her art.
curious conical little kopjes, at4 in
the distance rugged blue mountain!
shimmering lazily in the bnghriun-'
isMne.
Light Lupembe at 10 A. M.
We sighted the pretty little nuV
sion church of Lupembe at 10 a. m
and were very badly bumped about
the last 1,000 feet before landing
From the numerous natives , who
promptly arrived on the scene w
learned that the elephants were still
flint t1A9f anI tnr r.n,'..Al .
forest clad hill nearly four miles
away. '
N "I'd better make sure, sir," said
, i iniKiup, anu kiuiiuing lino ills seal
he was quickly in the air once nior
in spite ot the bumps, which ire
?uehtly , looked like capsizing him
watched the machine soar out ovei
the hill indicated by the natives'. Foi
a minute or so it circled round and
round, and then suddenly dived
steeply toward the forest.
Had something gone wrong? But
no. I was relieved to see the plans '
once more, appearing on the oppo
site side of the hill and moving
rapidly toward us. Another perfect
landing, and almost before the ma
chine stoppedr Timkins jumped out
"Into the forest, sir, as fast 4s you'
can; the whole herd's coming this
way and there's an old bull in front'
with 90 pounds 1"
Leading Bull Passes.'
Down the side of the hill we ran,
tearing our way through trie dense,
elephant grass, giant 'bracken and
bamboo until at last we found a
position overlooking the valley up
which Timkins said they were com
ing. And he was not mistaken. I
hadn't recovered my breath before
the leading brute was upon u. and
before I had time to shoot he had
thundered past, trumpeting loudly.
The remainder of the herd, necrly
20 in number, followed at the dou
ble, and I was beginning to think
that I'd missed my one and only
chance when a respectable size bull
suddenly stopped immediately In
front at 50 yards range. It was too
easy a shot to miss, and Ire tumbled
down with the crash of an aval
anche. -
We saw no more of the herd, but
before we left for Tabora on the fol
lowing day Timkins managed to bag
a nice young reed buck.
Except for a rather decent dance
at Cairo the journey home was with
out special incident.
On Wednesday night I was dining
with the boss at his house at Hamp
stead, and a haunch of Timkin'j reed
buck took the place of honor in the
menu. -
111 n
ii an vnur excursions are as
fruitful as this, Gillman," he said,
1 11 have to make you district in
spector witn a dus oi your own. ...
Only a Dream.
I had a dream the other night:
I dreamed that the umbrella -.
I loaned away back in the fall
To a careless sort of fellah,
Had been returned by him at last,
To save unpleasant scandal
Recovered neatly, and my name
. Carved quaintly in the handle.
Cartoons Magazine.
People
-;- -.
insisted and then she changed her
mind, asgirls and women do about
carrying school books tiome, and
other things. Emboldened by the
school book incident, he then asked
her one day if he could take her to a
surprise party which the young folks
were getting, up on a school mate.
She hesitated a moment, but con-
sented to accompany him to the
party.
Steered Due West.
Mr. Gurley attended preparatory
school of Columbia college and at
the age or 19 he boxed his compass
and steered due west for Omaha.
Arriving here, he obtained work in
the Bradford lumber yard and ap
plied himself diligently at night with
his books. Later he became clerk of
the county court and then secretary
for the late Gen, C. F. Manderson.
He entered the practice of law and
all of the time remembered hiV
chum's sister back "in Georgetown.,
After four years of law procticehe
decided that it was not good for a
man to be alone, so he traveled back
to Georgetown alone and returned
with his bride; "
"But how did Bill Gurley pro
pose?" somebody asks. Well, if you
have ever heard Mr. Gurley deliver
an after-dinner address you would
know how he proposed.
old plug, old fossil, mugwump, can
didate for the old ladies' home, ev
erything that never was why don't
you write? Do you need my band"
to rouse your dying spirits?
With kindest regards,
GEORGE.
And "Dad" wrote.
The Female of the Species. -
Little, fly upon the wall, ' . ;
Ain't you got no shame at all?
Ain't you got no girlish pride?
Ought to run away and hide.
Where's "flie bringing up you had?
Never thought you'd be so bad.
Your behavior's simply shocking.
Six bare legs and not one stocking.
Estelle W. . v
Granted, ' .
"What was -it that She rman m9,A
about war?"
"That shell fire was ti.ll ,..
Cartoons Magazine, v
A-