6B
THE OMAHA SUNDAY BEE: MARCH 16, 1919
The Omaha Bee
DAILY (MORN'IN'G) EVEN'IXG SUNDAY
FOUNDED BY EDWARD BOSKWATKR
VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR
TUB BKK PUBLISHING COMPANY, PROPRIETOR
MEMBERS OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
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OFFICESi
e1er PonpU'i Gu Bolldinf. Omaha To Bm Klilf .
Nw Vera ; riflb an. rloutb Omaha ll'lt N L
H. lo.it Ntw fl'uk of Commerce. Council ItluTa 14 N. uls 8t
UulilndOD 1311 U Nt. Ijnooln Unit Buildiut.
FEBRUARY CIRCULATION
Daily 64,976 Sunday 63,316
ATffr&ct rtrc.eUt? fbr the monta Bubacrtbed1 and a worn to h
K. K. lUaan. Circulation alauagur.
Subaeribera leavlaj the city should hava The Bee mailed
to them, Addrees changed as often ae requested.
Skip stop or not, cars are crowded just the
same.
Thi it not the first time trouble has come
up over coal bills at Lincoln,
Auto dealeri will devote the next few days
to listing orders booked last week.
Pershing has reviewed an American army on
German soil, which just about establishes a rec
ord for us.
Whether or not Ireland be free, there is
nothing to prevent anyone from wearing the
green on Monday.
March is taking on the aspect of May in
several respects, but we will willingly forego
the tornado part of the program. .
"Prince Arthur" has had another reminder
that the private line from his Omaha head
quarters to Lincoln has been cut.
Who said Americans are not a thrifty lot?
War savings stamp sales for January reached
the enormous total of 45 cents per cap.
When the lumber dealers and the realtors
go to war, the home owner, present or pros
pective, can cry, "Go it, husband I Go it, bar!"
Ordering a sifting committee in the house
suggests that the end of the legislative session
is nigh at hand. Planting season is not far off.
The rule that drafted rnen who were dis
missed from service because of physical dis
qualifications are entitled to the $60 bonus is
good.
Uncle Sam thinks he extracted more than
a billion dollars from his nephews and nieces
yesterday, but the process was neither noiseless
nor painless.
Herr General Hoffmann wants an army of
Allies marching side by side with Germans tft
fight the bolsheviki. And Ludendorff to lead
them, we infer.
Creel bpasts that the "much derided Official
Bulletin" took in $82,000 for subscriptions,
which means that the government got some
thing for nothing.
The Council of National Dafense is going
to try its hand at saving the federal free em
ployment agencies. This is more than the
democratic congress would do.
The anarchist who shot Clemenceau will not
do it again. He has been sentenced to death
by court-martial, and, the French have a habit
of carrying out such sentences.
We'll get no tomatoes from Dade county,
Florida, but the Texas kind is nearer and many
folks like them better. So the deluge on the
peninsula does not worry us as much as it might.
The police have several local problems to
solve interest in which far exceeds the tracking
of a pint of illicit "hootch" to its lair. Among
these burning questions are those of the mid
night marauders who are terrifying women in
homes.
Another draft evader has been sentenced to
ten years in prison by a California court-mar-Jial.
He should worry, though. Others have
gone through a similar experience and have re
ceived honorable discharge from the army, full
pay and a new suit of clothes.
Returned Nebraska soldiers are said to be
broke and out of work in New York. This is
one of the beauties of demobilizing troops so
far from home when ample facilities for the
work were available closer to the point of en
listment or draft.
Uneasiness is expressed in Paris that the
United States may be at war after the others on
our side are at peace witrKGermany, owing to
the delay of calling the senate together to se
cure ratification of the peace treaty. This con
tingency did not much worry the president when
he refused to call an extra session.
The Poilu's Thoughts
What does the poilu think as he sits back
in the corner of his little old smelly cafe listen
ing to the occasional shouts of laughter from
the uproarious group of Yanks dining at the
center table and keeping silent when the speaker
f the moment proclaims to all within a kilo
meter's range that America saved the world
and Americans won the, war? The poilu smiles
and borrows a light and, saluting in his friendly
fashion, goes his way. But what does he think?
Perhaps, as he jogs along to his barracks,
his thoughts run something like this:
"They tell us we are all one great army
under a supreme commander all soldiers to
gether in the army of democratic civilization.
Then why do we not share n,d share alike?
Why are we paid but a few sous, while these
Americans throw francs around as though" they
were centimes? And the cigaretsl Zut! Who
ever saw so many cigarcts? I noticed that that
crowd there tonight had plenty of sugar and
great slabs of butter, brought from their own
stores. We have none. Why?
"God knows it is not because' we have not
done our part. Time has shown that America
was as vitally concerned in this war as France,
and yet, for three most terrible years, we had
to hold the bridge while the Americans,' slow to
move and all unprepared, came to our assistance.
They were wonderful when they did come.
Never did trpops throw themselves more gal
lantly into a fight. How freely they spent their
young blood in the Argonne, and. yet what
were their losses there compared to ours on the
acres before Verdun? Count their dead and then
count ours. There are more than a million
French graves to tell who saved the world."
We wonder, sometimes, if his thoughts ever
run like that. But none of, us knows for sure
what the poilu thinks. . He' never tells.--Stari
and Stripes, France, ,
EDUCATION THAT IS WORTH WHILE.
A correspondent expostulates with The Bee
for what he conceives to bt its lack of apprecia
tion of the value of scientific education. Ac
cepting his mildly administered reproof as being
kindly meant, w must rejoin that he did not
read the article he refers to closely enough to
catch its spirit, or that some awkward twist of
the wording thereof has conveyed to him a
meaning we did not intend. Nowhere is there
to be found a profounder regard for the
great men of science than is held by The Bee.
And'the list of scientific benefactors of man may
be extended much farther than the illustrious
examples cited by the professor in defense of
his thesis.
This adds to rather than detracts from the
force of what The Bee tried to say. We did
not and do not object to the teaching of science
in the schools. A working knowledge of the
physical laws of the universe is essential to a
proper understanding of life in its simplest
phases, nor can the classics be assessed in just
proportion without some understanding of the
profound truths science has so patiently discov
ered and made available for man's uses. The
proper combination of the twin streams of
knowledge constitutes the true cultural educa
tion. What The Bee is inclined to question is the
sort of education, which, under guise of "voca
tional" or other "practical" method takes up
each pupil as a laboratory experiment. A sys
tem of schol training based on dividers, cal
lipers, try-squares and surface gauges, meticu
lously fitting its victims into predetermined
holes, whether round, square, oral or triangular,
holds little of promise for intellectual advance,
however it may offer reward in a material sense.
And it was this turn of the German system that
brought ruin in its train.
Our schools should furnish the boys and
girls such grounding in the elements of educa
tion as will at least give them definitely an idea
of fundamentals. If vocational training then fol
low, well and good, but the end of school work
should be to produce citizens rather than ar
tisans or accountants.
"Politics is Adjourned" Again.
Homer Cummings, brand-new and energetic
chairman of the democratic national committee,
lays down a smoke barrage behind which he
hopes to' maneuver his cohorts into position
for 1920. He has challenged the republicaa
party to assume a position on the League of
Nations. Of course, Mr. Cummings realizes
that this is not a partisan question, any more
than was the war one of party. He knows as
well as anybody that only in the minds of des
perate democratic leaders has the criticism of
the plan assumed a tinge of partisanship. How
ever, just as his predecessor set up a false cry
in 1916, and every agent of the party rung the
changes on "He kept us out of war," so do the
sachems of democracy now propose to draw at
tention froth the party's record of failure in
the war by vociferously shouting that the re
publicans are opposed to peace. Such nonsense
may mislead a few, but the great masses pf the
Americans will be well advised as to the hollow
ness of the democratic pretensions. It is not
likely that the voters will be buncoed again as
easily as they were in 1916.
Suppressing Night Noises.
"Tis sweet to hear the honest watch dog's
bark bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw
near home," mused Childe Harold. But the
Omaha city commissioners say nay; no wel
coming bark or baying at the moon will be toler
ated hereafter in our town. Towser and Tige,
Prince and Spot, and all the others of the four
legged chorus are served with notice that they
will vocalize in concert, in solo or duo, at the
extreme peril of their canine lives. .
This action by the eminently wise city
fathers may be accepted at its face value, and
undoubedly would be, were it not accompanied
by evidence of discrimination. While Towser
is required to maintain silence even when the
full moon floats in majesty athwart the skies of
night, Tabitha or Thomas, or both, may lift
their voices in such tuneful caterwaulings as
best express their mood, amatory or otherwise.
Why the distinction does not appear. When
At comes to a choice between the two, most of
us will take the lusty, full-throated yelp or the
hoarse, meaningful "woof" of .the sturdy dog
in 'preference to the whining mew or ear-torturing
wail of the nocturnal wandering feline.
However, the die is cast, the edict has gone
forth, and the dog is doomed to silence or to
death.
A lot of folks will wonder why, if silence as
even falls is sought, the commissioners do not
go after those thoughtless motorists, who crack
the solemnity of midnight or "the wee, sma'
hours ayont the twal" by driving with the
muffler cut out. The barking dog is not the
only offender against the bucolic simplicity of
our bone-dry nights.
World Observance of Epidemics.
From Capetown comes a suggestion worthy
of careful consideration. It is offered modestly
enough, but accompanied with the reflection
that the great nations have overlooked some
thing in the way of safety in not making work
able provisions at least for the report and ob
servance of epidemics such as that of the "flu."
The correspondent of the London Times calls
to notice that neither the British nor the
American men of medicine seemed to realize
the gravity of the situation that faced them,
nor does he find in the record any evidence that
co-operation was a consequence of, the discovery
of the serious nature of the plague. It is pro
posed that an international agency of some sort
be established, which will be capable of dealing
with such visitations. Detection of epidemic
disease in a remote quarter of the globe may
thus be brought to result in its isolation, or to
give threatened countries an opportunity to
guard against its spread. The "Medical Corre
spondent" of the Times is apprehensive of a re
currence of the "flu" scourge, and the fact that
the exact causative agent of the disease has not
as yet been located justifies the suggestion that
the scientific men of medicine come into closer
union for observance and report, not only of
this but of any malady, that may threaten man
kind with affliction such as that endured last
fall and winter, and which has not been wholly
allaved.
The last day but one of (he session of con
gress disclosed a deserving democrat who ought
to be enshrined forever in f the hearts of the
faithful. If is the minister Jo Costa Rica, who
hails from North Carolina. J He came home in
April, 1917, and has not since revisited his post
of duty, but has drawn hisi $10,000 a year and
perquisites with faithful regularity all the time.
Why should a democrat orkf
Views and Reviews
Thoughts Suggested by a Visit
to the Automobile Show ,
Every time I go to an auto show and see
the dazzling exhibition of latest models, the
wonderment comes back that such an unforesee
able progress should be made with what we
used to call "the horseless carriage" in such a
short time. As I have perhaps more than once
recalled, the first self-propelled vehicle that
traversed the streets of Omaha, according to
my recollection, was a little electric runabout
used by Manager Price of the Swift Packing
plant and .operated by electricity. As it re
quired a different current from that supplied by
the electric lighting service, it was brought
down periodically to the Bee building to be recharged-
direct from our dynamo and stood
for hours in the alley back of the engjne room
while that process was going on. , Then the
next earliest autos to appear here were of the
"steamer" type, and my, what a noise they
could make when they wanted to. These motor
cars were guided by a steering rod that looked
like a protruding boat-tiller, and it was not in
frequent to see one capsize trying a too sharp
turn. I believe it would be an instructive and
also an interesting feature of a show to set up
in series some of the old models and give the
present day folks ocular proof of what the mar
velous development of the auto has been, as
well as of the rapidity of the advance to near
perfection.
Home Health Hints
Reliable advice given In this
column on prevention and
cure of disease. Put your ques
tion In plain language. Your
name will not be printed.
Ask The Bee to Help You.
One lesson of the present auto show should
not be lost upon us Omaha people, and that is
the possibility and practicability of making our
Auditorium artistically attractive in contrast
with its customary barn-like appearance. What
has been done in the way of decorating the ceil
ing and walls has completely transformed the
interior of the building. If this result can be
accomplished for the moment with the use of
temporary material, it surely could be matched
and improved on by permanent work. Having
put all that money into the erection of the
structure and then having turned it over to the
city at a small part of the cost, it ought to be
worth while to do the rest needed to give us an
auditorium that will be attractive and com
fortable' as well as serviceable.
So the old Metropolitan Hotel at Twelfth
and Douglas is soon to be passed on to the
wreckers, and the razing of another land
mark will pave the way to 'further progress.
This once popular hostelry was put up in 1868
by D. A. Van Namee, preceding the famous
Grand Central by several years. It was at one
time operated by the late George A. Joslyn, but
went into the second class after the more pre
tentious hotels arrived, one by one, as Omaha
became metropolitan in fact and not merely in
name. Twelfth and Douglas used to be a busy
corner, more particularly in the night life in
the earlier days, when it was the center of
activity of the Great White Way. But never
again I
Whether a coup of the regulars or of the
progressives, the selection of Congressman
Mondell to be republican floor leader is a
recognition of the middle west and puts Ne
braska in next-door-neighbor touch with the
directing head of the work of national legisla
tion. That a state that is accorded only one
member of the house can pull down this im
portant position is another proof that influence
at Washington is acquired by staying on the
job. Mr. Mondell originally took his seat in
congress in 1895 and, with the exception of two
years which he put in as assistant commissioner
of the general land office under President Mc
Kinley, has been continuously elected and re
elected. When I first met Mr. Mondell, he was
occupying the exalted position of mayor of
Newcastle, a brand new town at the end of the
Burlington extension into the Wyoming coal
fields. He was playing official reception com
mittee for an excursion of Nebraska newspaper
men invited by the road to inspect the new line. 4
1 hat was about 1890. Newcastle at that time
was a thriving burg inhabited mostly by coal
miners, and outside of the mine and its acces
sories, boasting only the attraction of a lively
bunch of booze joints, dance halls and gambling
rooms, usually operating under group manage
ment. The mayor, as I remembered him, was
particularly youthful and delicate in appearance
among the rough, robust miners for whom he
did the honors. Needless to say Mayor Mon
dell, now Congressman Mondell, has grown
steadily and noticeably and is today really one
of the big men among our national lawmakers.
He was listed to run for the senate last year and
would surely have been elected, but made way
again for Senattor Warren when the latter was
induced to reconsider his decision to retire. It
will be Senator Mondell of Wyoming some day
if the political cards are not mussed.
Passing the Buck
A very noted cartoon of Thomas Nast con
cerning the old Tweed ring in this city, which
has been often reproduced, showed a circle ot'
the members of the gang, each man pointing to
the other as the one responsible for the frauds.
It represented what is in poker vernacular
called "passing the buck." There are those
who believe it might be invoked to indicate the
attitude at the present time of different factors
in business. Evervone concedes that, in the
process of readjustment from inflated values tS"
what may be considered normal, there must be
a loss. When it comes, however, to settling
the matter of who shall bear this loss, agree
ment stops. Each one along the line, from pro
ducer to consumer, seems anxious to place the
burden on the other. All the others would
cheerfully permit the consumer to foot the loss,
but they are becoming convinced of his unwill
ingness to bear the burden, and without his con
sent the plan cannot be carried out. The con
sumer's attitude is that what loss must be in
curred should be assumed by the others, begin
ning at the producer and ending with the' re
tailer, some or all of whom made larger than
ordinary profits while the boom was on. As the
whole -business structure depends on the con
sumer, it is likely that in the main his views
will prevail, and that the losses of readjustment
will be apportioned between the, producer,
wnoiesaier, or jobber, ana the retailer.. A re
duction in prices seems essential to insure a
continuance of buying on a satisfactory scale
by the general public New York Times.
I Should Worry!
Of late years there has come Into
the domain of slangy riMort the
phrase, "I should worry." Although I
realize the inelegance of the expres
sion, I like it for the possibilities in
it tor good. To have always on one's
tongue the siiKsestion not to worry is
a Rood in itself, for most persons
are prone to worry sometimes, even
over inconsequential matters. Af
fairs that are serious are not helped
ty worry, and most often terminate
entirely different than the imagi
nation pictured. Imagination! there
Is the explanation of most worries.
We let our niaginatlon run away
with our reason. If we would only
stop to reason before imagination
robs us of the power, we would have
few occasions to worry. Imagina
tion, therefore, Is the nub of worry,
logic a never-failing preventive.
Worry may be constitutional, but
in the vast majority of persons it is
the consequence of sloth, tardiness
and unpreparedness, all of which
lead to indicision, itself a major
cause of worry.
If one reflects over past worrrles,
and remembers how different the se
quel of some event was than that
anticipated, he will quickly come to
the conclusion how illogical worry
in general is. If he will further re
flect how worry confuses the judg
ment, sapa mental strength and robs
one of his confidence, besides foster
ins the habit of worry, he will see
additional arguments against it. To
cease the habt of worrying one must
have recourse to reason and com
parison. As for example: If he is
worrying over sickness in himself,
or in someone he loves, he must re-,
call that the majority of those who
fall elck recover. Should he be
assured that recovery is impossible,
then since doubt is removed there
cannot logically be any use
in further worry. And the same
method ft analysis Is applicable to
all other sources of worry. To cure
one of the worrying habit (for habit
it finally resolves Itself into) the
cause must be removed. Should it
be due to tardiness in performing
necessary tasks, simple elimination
of this fault by Immediate perform
ance works a cure. These Individuals
worry because they feel themselves
compelled to hurry and at the same
time tear the time is too short.
No matter what the task, those
prone to worry should at once say to
themselves "haste makes waste" and
follow this with "I won't hurry, and
then I won't worry." Doing this they
will find their minds freed from fear
of failure, and will accomplish what
would otherwise have been to them
impossible. Worry comes to the idle:
to those lacking real responsibilty;
and to those performng duties ob
noxous to them because they feel
themselves better fitted to do some
thing else.
For the Idle, work Is a panacea.
For those lacking responsibilty the
same is true. Those who worry be
cause they feel themselves misplaced
need re-education, because on analy
sis they are really suffering from
ennui and when shown their error
quickly cease to worry. A vacation,
even a short one, which gives them
an opportunity to reflect, has the
effect of establishing a normal out
look, and again brings them into
harmonous relations wth their sur
roundings. Other interests than those
followed are also to be advised to
introduce diversion, without which
the best of men grow discontented
and stale. Housewives who are par
ticularly prone to worry, if Influenc
ed to seek interests and diversion in
club and charity work, are soon cur
ed of the habit.
- Prevention, however. Is . better
than a cure, and that is a matter of
mental attitude. So It behooves us
to cultivate the non-worrying habit,
to do this a reminder is useful, I
don't know a better than the retort,
even if It is bromldlc, I should
worry!
tO DAY
The Day We Olcbrntc. s
Willis J. Abbot, noted editor and
author, born at New Haven, Conn.,
6 years ago.
John M. l'arker of Louisiana, vice
presidential candidate of the pro
gressive purty in 1916, born at
Bethel Church, Miss., 63 years ago.
Klsie Janis, a popular star in mu
sical comedy, born at Columbus, O.,
29 yajars ago.
H.ry B. Walthall, who enjoys a
wide following among photoplay
patrons, born in Shelby county, Ala
bama, 41 years ago.
Percy Maokaye, celebrated poet
and dramatist, born in New York
City 44 years ago.
In Omaha SO Years Ago.
A big crowd at the Coliseum wit
nessed a 10-mile wheel race be
tween "Senator" Morgan and Law
lor's "Unknown," who turned out
to be a man named Harrison and
was left far in the rear.
At the Odd Number Pleasure club
ball at the South Side, A. O. H.
hall, Daniel P. Donovan and Miss
Mary Uickey led the grand
march.
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Kasson cele
brated their 15th wedding anniver
sary with an entertainment for their
friends.
Mr. F, E. McMullen, secretary to
General Manager Burt of the Elk
horn, was married to Miss Rertha
Paul at her home in Onslow, la.
Charles H. Dewey Is on the Pa
cific ocean bound for Asia.
Idlosyncracy of Kansas.
Kansas has an illiteracy rate of 2.7
per cent, and yet there are people
not In this class, wearing asafetida
bags around their necks; or carry
ing a lump of camphor In their pock
ets, or contaminating the atmos
phere with garlic or onion breaths as
a preventive against influenza;
Will the janitor please open the win
dow wider? Bulletin, Kansas State
Board of Health.
Some Responsillbfty.
According to the regulations of the
Ontario (Canada) License Board, a
djuly qualified medical practitioner is
legally entitled to carry in his
house or In his office 10 gallons of
liquor. He can procure 1 quart for
medical practice from any qualified
druggist, or he can purchase from a
vendor or distiller any quantity up
to 10 gallons. When the physician
in his judgment' considers a larger
quantity of liquor necessary for his
patient than the prescribed six
ounces, he can issue a prescription
for 1 dozen bottles of ale, beer or
porter containing not more than
three half pints each, or 1 quart of
wine or distilled liquor, which can
only be procured from one of the
seven vendors of Ontario. None of
the foregoing liquor mentioned can
be legally used for beverage purposes.
Al lthe provisions mentioned for pro
curing liquor are absolutely for med
ical use only. From the Canadian
Practitioner and Review.
Gingering the Dry Law
Great, tribulations in Nebraska, Some foe
of the human race, in fact, several foes of the
human race, have been emitting, uttering, and
vending Jamaica ginger to a dissolute populace.
According to the Nebraska calculations,
Jamaica ginger contains 92 per cent of alcohol.
Naturally, there is trouble. In Mr. Bryan's
state J. G. is "Jack." The druggists say that,
in giving an opportunity to their customers, to
make use of 2 or 3 per cent of alcohol in their
prescriptions they are not violating the actual
law or the great moral law of the middle west.
The district attorneys don't know what to say.
Their dubiety is essentially the same as that of
ordinary men, wet or dry, in these United
States. Somewhere, in the dark backward and
abysm of time, old settlers may imagine that
there was a certain cataclysm in the good old
Yankee state of New Hampshire. Some unfor
tunate or designed confusion of signals wrecked
a train loaded with Jamaica ginger somewhere in
the Granite state, Its people, "of the purest
New England stock," rushed madly to the res
cue. They "swiped" the dangerous contents of
the train.
This little anecdote may or may not teach us
that most people are substantially the same.
New York Times,
AROUND THE CITIES.
Savannah, Ga., plans to celebrate
the centennial of steam navigation
on May 22. Wonder if 2019 will
mark the centennial of ocean cross
ing airships?
In three months past Richmond.
Va., absorbed or otherwise disposed
ot 13,000 quarts of liquor obtained
on physicians' prescriptions. The
name of the prevailing epidemic may
be guessed.
New York reports an embarrassing
scarcity of school teachers. From
30,000 to 60,000 children registered
in the schools "are daily receiving no
instruction at all," according to an
official statement.
Philadelphia points with pride to
local Justice speeding up in one in
stance. A highway robber, caught
in the act, was indicted, convicted
and sentenced to 10 years in the I
penitentiary within four hours after j
committing the crime.
The second million-dollar hotel
project is under way in Sioux City, )
a company having been organized to ,
see it through. It will be known as
the "War Kagle" corporation, so I
named in memory of the Indian war !
chief whose remains are buried on !
the crest of a city bluff. j
Chicago talks and talks about big i
public improvements, but isn't mov-
ing to make good. The city has ,
$14,000,000 in authorized Bond is- !
sues available for specific public j
works. At present the main Job is j
politics. Little else will be doing at j
the city hall until the April election '
is over.
Public ownership of street car '
lines continues a live issue at Cleve- '
land. The existing control expires
May 1, 1934, renewable 15 years bo
fore it ends. This brings the 15
year limit Into effect In May of this
year. City authorities propose put
ting up to the voters the question tTT
municipal ownership at the Novem
ber election, and renew the contract
for a year pending the result of the
voters' registered will.
STATE PRESS COMMENT.
T7 n n r I 1? vnrron Thft manner In
which Gus Hyers and his corps of
state agents are disposing of that
appropriation for the enforcement
of the prohibitory law would rather
Indicate that they havo an abhor
rence of such a thing as t surplus.
Nebraska City Press: A Beatrice
farmer has received more or less
publicity lately because he received
$350 an acre for a tract of ground
near the county seat of Gage county.
Otoe county beats the mark estab
lished by Gage county by recording
the sale of a tract of land near Ne
braska City the other day for $500.
an acre. Next!'
Hastings Tribune: A bill has been
introduced tn the Nebraska legisla
ture for the purpose of making gas
manufacturers attach to all gas pipes
something that would shut off the
gas automatically in case of fire. But
the framer of the bill missed his
vocation, he should have been an In
ventor and put his automatic shut-off
on the market before he introduced
his bill.
Aurora Republican: Our spend
thrift federal government has, sent
two "experts" to Europe to secure
information concerning clover, grass
and vegetable seed and vegetable
seed stocks and requirements in the
various European countries. They
will traipse all over Europe at gov
ernment expense. The next thing
this administration will be doing is
to send a commission abroad to study
foreign dandruff cures, or the
psychology of the trench cootie. We
pay the bills.
DOMESTIC PLEASANTRIES
'9 thi doctor told you to to to a
warmer climate. What was tha nature
of the trouble you conaultea mm douii
"I went there to collect a bill." Boiton
Transcript.
Bank Teller I'm norry, but I cannot
cash thla check until you are Identified,
la there anyone nearby you know?
The I.aiiy Certainly. I've cot the baby
out In front In the go-cart. I'll bring him
right In. Judge.
Flannlgan (listening to new Jaii record
What kind Iv music do ye call that,
NorahT
Daughter That'a a fox trot, daddy.
Flannlgan An1 how many tin cana did
th" fox have tied to hie tall whin he
throtted? Buffalo Expreaa.
"My doctor warns ma not to overeat."
"Any objection to that?"
"No. Only I could have got the same
advice from the food controller for noth
ing." Passing Show.
SIMPLE MAN'S SIMPLE CREED
EHsher he's our hired man
Allows there ain't no better plan
Of circumventin' woes an carei,
Than smlUn' when y come down stairs;
An Hvps up to It, square an' blunt.
Like general run of preachers won'tl
Klisher smiles an fore you know
The rpst of us is unit I In an
Ketchin'-ltke It Is! My law
It flits from him to me in' maw.
An' then across to Uncle Dri
Or Mairy KUen mbbe! why.
I've seen it set the pup
A'waggin' fore the sun was opt
Then hlmeby, as like as not,
Soma man will pans that's inebh got
A mortgngs that his crop can't fetch.
But like enough the man will ketch
Klisher's mlle an' drop his frown
An' tote the smile away to town.
An' peddle it where, bein' wuss,
The people nti It more than ual
The feller at the grins mill gits
the spirit of the smile it flits
Across an' through the blacksmith's door.
An' breezes through the gpneral store
Thon out again, an' wreaths, doggone.
Whatever fce it fasten on
because EHsher's umile is jls
As ketohln' as the pink eye is!
An' tiVn the feller brings it back
At right along the back'unls track
An' scatters it on either side
The county road, both far an' wlds,
I'ntil, by time whei we get in
From work the smtlo Is back again!
Hack home nuin! an' seems t' bless
KJisher for his cheerfulness.
"Because you smiled," it seems to say:
"The world has had a holiday!"
John D. Wells In Tluffnlo News.
People and Events
Class cleavage grows with the
duys in Washington. The clearest
division lies between those who have
booze in their cellars and those who
have not.
New York state savings banks re
port a "phenomenal increase" of de
posits since Victory day. KndinR the
scare eased the strain on thrifty
stockings.
A roving evangelist of the "drv"
variety hiked from Chicago to Au
rora to obtain private treatment for
a "pain in the stomach." The morn
ing after he 'fessed up to taking too
many doses and handed over the
price for lapsing from sobriety.
"Keep your feet dry durln In
clement spring weather and dodge !
tne nu, warns the health commit- ;
shiner of Chicago. Good advice wort') i
heeding everywhere, especially if '
compounded with the old reliable !
tonic, "keep your head cool." j
Evidence in abundance supports i
New York's claim to being the Habel I
of the modern world. Few known
tongues are missing from the clutter j
and the discord. In the years to
come perhaps some imaginative hls- j
torian may point to a dismantled
skyscraper as a representation of the ,
Tower of Babel,
Fifty thousand dollars as a re- '
ward for 20 years of faithful, loyal j
service was the appreciation be-1
stowed, by the will of the late Mar
riott C. Smyth of Philadelphia on
his stenographer, Mrs. IHiuiel it.
Coogan. The lucky steno gels t'JO,
000 outright In cash and th Im oine
of a trust fund of 130,000 for life.
Talk about finding money! In
quiry into some of the easy wavs of
getting the coin disclosed a vlllago
tstiillon agent at Solvay, near Syra
cuse, N. Y., who pulls down a sal
ary of $7,730 a year. Besides sell
ing 500 tickets a month the aisont
looks afler express packages und
things and takes a turn at the tele
graph key, occasionally hiring some
help. The railroad administration
Insisted on paying him tha salaries
of three jobs. Oelng a patriotic.
American he could not refuse.
kwMivlwriccd
r v cSizr tt-
When the folks we really love have leU
us and e face the problem of conductine
the last sad service, before we relinquish
them entirely the ' undertaker who has
I'haiKe of this occasion must possess tact,
discretion, honesty ;.nd ability. Upon such
an oeeuaion let us serve you.
N. P. SWANSON
Funeral Parlor (Established 188S)
17th and Cuming Sta. Douglas 1060
Hospe
The
Black and White
Picture Sale
Beginning Monday will ex
ceed anything yet done.
Etchings and Engravings,
Beautiful Drawing-room sub
jects ranging from $5, f 8, $10
to $15, going at
One Dollar
Wonderful works in real
proof prints, up to $30, going
at $5. Your opportunity to
make investments are now due
at our Art Reduction Sale.
1513 Douglas Street
VOSC Small Grand
A remarkably fine instrument revealing in
its beauty of line and structure, in its exquisite
tone and wonderful volume the consummate
act of Vose piano craft
The Vose pianos have
been subjected to that
severest of tests, the Test
of Time; for over 67
years they have given
satisfaction in the finer
homes where only quality
appeals.
A comparison will empha
size the remarkable supe
riority of Vose tone and
volume.
! MM
raTBLieMro 'set
Ueifly proportioned for the smilln
music room of the modem twi
ment. TERMS.
Everything in Music
1513-1515 Douglas Street
Liberty Bonds Apply on Pianos, Victrolas and Players
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1417 Douglas Street
Second I
tioor
Charming Indeed Are
the New Modes in
Mil
1 1YA1
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Scarcely & day passes that does not
find some charming new Hats mak
ing their initial bow into our Milli
nery Section, Models so interest
ing and refreshing that it's really
quite a pleasure just to look at
them.
Featuring Unusual Values at
$5.95, $7.50, $10 f
At these very attractive prices you 11 find
some particularly becoming Hat that will
appeal to you immediately. The field for se
lection is wonderfully complete.
BRAID HATS TAILORED HATS
FLOWER TRIMMED HATS
CHIN-CHIN SAILORS DRESSY HATS
Nowhere in the city will you
encounter better values or
more beautiful Hats.
OPEN A CHARGE ACCOUNT
Select your new Hat today. Our liberal credit
rystem was installed for yoa to enjoy.
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