OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, SEPTEMBER 15, 1918.
J&J?zr 9J The Omaha
f M A V Jr J J 1
ipTY w
SliNDAYBEB
"M'
'IRANDY, gimme that family
Bible!"
Now. in consideration of
the fact that Mirandy could not re
member when her husband ever be
fore had even noticed the family Bible
in the 24 years they had been married,
she was justified in appearing: sur
n prised.
She professed indifference.
But there was no stopping the "old
man" and he turned the house topsy
turvey until he found it.
"There, whafd I tell yahl Sept. 11,
187J-that's when I was born. I reg
ister with the boys tomorrow T
How Old Is ?
The scene described actually took
place in scores of Omaha homes on
. or before last Thursday, September
12, registration date for men between
18 and 46.
There were virtually hundreds of
men not sure whether they had to
register or not. They were close to
43 or 46, orwell, just what would be
the last day a man could be born on
and yet have to register. Figure it
out, Easy? Not exactly. It fooled
a lot of 'em and started more argu
ments than the war did when it be
am 'wav tack in '14.
Oa this page Doane Powell, the
Bee's cartoonist, has set down some
of his ideas of registration day. Pow
ell was wearing a neat little wrist
watch the day he drew this, so maybe
' he is figuring on going over, although
no one around the office could get
him to tell his age. Cartoonists, dear
readers, are temperamental cusses.
. Old Birds Shine.
But, anyway, registration day was
the vindication of the "old birds."
Men 40 and 42 and 45, who a few
days before had been complaining
about their backs or something or
other and saying they "guessed they
were getting old" tripped into the
registration places whistling and
slapped the registrars on the back as
they demanded to be listed. l
: Why, some even took off their
glasses just before going in to make
I out their cards.
One 45-year-old youngster who
lives 'way up Farnam street showed
up at his registration place "wearing"
a Calcutta cane he had won in a ring
tossing contest at Barnum & Bailey's
circus in 1899.
Youngsters Are Serious.
And if the older registrants ap
peared young, you should have no-
Ihms Loses His Flivver Tools
When He Forgets Man's Name
When J. H. Ihms. specialist in boys'
and girls' garden and canning work,
went to see the flyers two weeks ago,
he was so greatly interested in the
aerial loop-the-loop that he tried to do
one in his "flivver" the next evening.
It all began with an intended call
oh his best girl, with little brother as
chauffeur. Little brother did not want
anything to pass him on Fontenelle
boulevard, so when a big car tried to
go by, he speeded up the flivver. The
big car crowded them to the edge of
of the road where the cinders were
too loose for the wheels to take hold,
and the tin buggy took one long skid
and then turned over and over three
times, joyously looping the loop in
correct imitation of an airplane.
The big car stopped and the owner
ticed the youngsters. They wore se
rious, studious airs as if they had
just come from a conference with
President Wilson, Secretary Baker,
Mr. McAdoo and General Pershing.
Those who were 18 didn't shout it
richt out loud like that. Not on your
life I They whispered it and frowned
and looked at their watches if they
had watches and then with their
chests thrust out 'way out they is
sued forth as duly registered embryo
soldiers of Uncle Sam.
Incidentally a great number of re
sponsible and keen Omaha business
rqen were turned into stuttering, red
faced, trembling, abject creatures by
the simple questions asked by the
registrars.
"What's your business address?"
"Ahem. Ah, I have offices ahem
in the So-and-So buildi.ng." Busi
ness of elevatinsr the eyebrows and
opening the mouth a trifle to empha
size the importance of the ah an
swer. . '
Oh Ho, What's That?
"What's the street and number of
that building?" Quick and snappy,,
just like that. '
"I don't knowjust the So-and-So
building." No elevation of the eye
brows this time. , -
"We've got to have the street and
number of these buildings."
"Why, everybody knows where the
So-and-So building is, don't they?"
"I don't know whether they do or
or not It doesn't say anything about
buildings on this card; it asks for
street and number.
"Well, I I T don't-know what
the address is 1" Business of wiping
sweat from forehead.
"Go look in the directory or some
thing and find out."
Ready to Go.
There you are. But no, that isn't
all. Some of them didn't know the
number of their residences; some
didn't know the exact day of their
birth, although they gave a date, and
some didn't know didn't know
well, before they aot through they
decided they didn't know anything!
But, man, oh man, the spirit was
there 1
They came nearly 27,000 of them
willinsr. eager, determined to com-
nlv with the demands of their gov
ernment; loyal Omahans, and as such
genuine Americans. Maybe there
were a few of pro-German proclivities
among them, but if there were they
were well camouflaged.
"They can haye"rhe when they want
me," was the slogan.
That's what counts.
Message to Pershing is Sent
to France Via Navy Wireless
Word was received Saturday that
the message of Omaha to General
Pershing, sent Friday morning, was
dispatched from New York to France
by navy wireless.
men, neither of whom was hurt be
yond a few slight Jruises, though the
car was considerably bent and crush
ed. Mr. Ihm and the occupant of the
big car knew each other and Mr. Ihm
gathered up his tools and put them
in the big car, with the understanding
that he would call for them. Then
our hero went to call on the girl, just
as if automobile accidents were all in
the course of a day's work, leaving
the wrecked Lizzie at the roadside.
Now comes the sad part1 of the
story. Mr. Ihm must have fallen on
lis head and suffered an injury after
all, for by the next day he had en
tirely forgotten who the man was
who had his tools, and he has not
recalled his name to this day. South
Omaha has one garden expert shy a
kit of repair tools and he doesn't
know where to look for them.
The Weekly
Bumble Bee
OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, SEPTEMBER 15, 1918.
THE WEEKLY BOIBLK BKB
A- STINGER, EDITOR. ,
Communications on any toplo
received, without postage or
signature. Nons returned.
NO ADS AT ANT PRICB
EXCHA.XGB. .
I cot rather a rich story from
preacher that hu been la the
T, M. C A. work among the
Midler end who la now n hit
way to Prone, told S. B. I.um
bard upon hit return from Hu
ron loot week. Ho was for
v marly tho pastor of tho Fresby-
leriaa church at Mitchell and
bo was down at somo tratnlnc
camp recently. A fallow was ba
ins' oxamlnad for servlca waa
stripped to tho we let. Ha had
an emblem tattooed on hla cheat
of tho American flag- with the
bust of Washington and Wilson
on either stdo of It Tho phy.
Iclan thumped him over. Hat
-ened to. hla heart and lungs and
so on. and finally pointing to
the design on his cheat aald
"Ton are patrlotlo all right."
Tee." ha aald. '"but that isn't
anything; I am slttlnr on the
kaiser . and Hlndenburg," and
he was, too. Kimball .Graphic.
MODESTY.
Reports that the editor of
The Bumble Bee has been of
fered a general's commission are
without foundation, it such a
commission should be offered
(which la not probable) we
should decline It. Wo shall be
glad to go In as a private which
la Just as honorable though
perhaps, not as easy as being
a general.
- "CAPTURED GERMAN
OFFICER ASKS FOR BEEF
STEAK .AND ONION 8,"
shrieks a headline in box-car
letters Thus are the startling
- events" of tho war called to our
attention, so that ws miss noth-
tag- of Importance.
' EXTRAORDINARY.
"JJr. Cook started life In I
coalmine at S years of age.'
says a biography la a local
' paper. From the biological
point , of view this Teally de
serves attentteet inasmuch ss
most of s suit Ufa as small.
pink babies. .
...... , ' B ;c fr
OVERT. -
What do they make candy
'ut of. anyway f Wa always
thought It was mads of sugar.
But evidently not, for you can
buy as much candy as you' can
pay for. but. only two pounds of
, sugar a .mouth. . , ,
DIFFICriT. .
"I don't understand how they
, can see out when they are in
side f the balloon," said a
woman - looking at ' tho Fort
'Omaha observation balloons
from the Chamber of Commerce
window. . , '
INTERESTING FACTS
NOW PRESENTED ABOUT
HOWARD H. BALDRIGE
WeU Known C! tlx en Has Nu
merous likes and Dislikes as
Told Herewith to Bum
ble Bos Readers.
Another treat Is offered the
admiring readers ot The Bum
ble Bea today. It Is the third
In our tremendously successful
aeries ot artloles telling Intimate
faots about prominent citlsens.
It Is no easy task to garner
these facta Naturally the sub
jects of the sketches are reticent
about their little ldloayncraciee,
They think them of no apecial
Interest to the public.
The work of the managing di
rector of The Bumble Bee is to
get tho facts, regardlesa ot
work, tints or expense Involved,
and to lay them before Its read
ers In most Interesting form.
This week our subject la
Howard Hammond Baldrlge,
lawyer, genial clllsen and
worker In a score of vsrled war
activities. Our staff haa been
hard at work during the week
ferreting out these Interesting
facts about Mr. Baldrlge. Here
they are:
He haa never shot any
phumphs or wilUpuawalUpuaes
In the mountains of Nebraska.
Ho believes that the cost of
living Is higher now than 1
years ago.
Mr. Baldrlge never haa been
known to wear a sweater at a
formal dinner.
When questioned ctosoly he
will admit that hla aon la a cap
tain of artillery. U. 8. A.
His name is entirely un
known In tho Gobi desert ' end
many parts ot Manchuria.
He likes to have breakfast
soon after rising In the moni
tor. Hs cherishes absolutely no
feeling of friendship for the
kaiser of Germany.
He hasn't a alngle friend or
acquaintance In Sakhaulakhon,
Slam. . -
He waa not a candidate for
any office at the recent primar
ies.
When traveling by night' he
prefers to sleep in a Pullman
car rattier than sit np in a
coach.
Taking food three times dally
Is ono of his rules for keeping
In good health and strength.
When going to or from his of
flee In the Omaha National
Bank building ho rides on the
elevator. '
He has never met Joe Stecher
la a wrestling match.
' HURRAY J ,
Thirteen million more of Us
fellers were elected Thursday
to have the proud ' chance to
march with the conquering ar
mies ot the allies . and brag
about what we did all tha rest
of our lives. Those of us hers
In Omaha set tho opportunity
to march np Farnam street
when we come home with our
tattered banners. And. gosh,
won't ws bo popular with the
girls then' .
BUMBLE BEE PLEADS
FOR DRASTIC ACTION
AGAINST BUM POETS
Calls General Crowtler's Atten
tion to tho Fact That They
Should Be Compelled to
Work or Fight.
Ws wish to protest with all
tho might snd power at our
command agatnat tha decision
ot the provoat marshal general.
putting poeta in tne ciaaa ot
those who are engaged In es
sential Industry.
It General Crowder were edi
tor ot a great publication like
The Bumble Bee he would
know that poets are not en
gaged In any Industry.
If he could see tho lucubra
tions that coma to our deak un
der the gulso ot poetry he
would change his mind about
poeta being essential. And, gosh
darn It, he'd soon order all
poets to "work or fight."
For example, wnat does tne
general think ot this which
came to us through the well
known IT 8. malls only last
week with tho explanation that
It is "to be sung to the tune ot
'Keep tho Home Fires - Burn
inrM5
'Keep old Kaiser BUI and von
Hlndenburg running
Until they get enough of gun
ning.
For the Sammies will soon be
way up across tha Rhine.
OloVKalser Bill will get it In the
neck:
Tes, you bet your boots he will.
by neck :
And' the Stars and Stripes will
soon be waving in old
Berlin town."
Wa spare you the other seven
vetses, general, and put It right
up to you whether Indictment
and conviction on tho charge of
writing this one verse is not
enough In simple justice to con
oemu this "poet" to 99 years
penai servitude.
For years we have favored a
law making It a felony to write
punk no'try and send It to
newspapers.' Of couree. It helps
out the postofflce department.
but. on t'other hand, look at the
drain It causes on the white pa
per supply.
- We thought poeta were get
ting off mighty easy by being
allowed lite, liberty and the pur
suit f poetry. But In these
days when we are putting re
strictlons on food, fuel and even
beer, wo ask you, gen., right
straight cut. as man to man. Is
It right to let this army of poeta
keep on at their devastating
workt Is It?
True, their Intelligence Is not
of a high order. But surely
mere is some sort of war work
that ther could do, something
that doesn't require ifiuch
brains, such as breaking stone
for road bulldine; or peeling po
totos or som'thln'.
Think It over, gen'ral. Think
it over
BILL
Does the kaiser still think we
are bluffing after last Thurs
dayT Ob, vary well, - let 'lm
think. . .
EXPEDITE.
Tha enveloDe in which the
War department malls casualty
lists to the newspapers is
marked In large letters "Expe
dite." Thus is the dignity of
the War department conaerved.
"Expedite" takes the place or
the tlme-nonorea ana universally-understood
"Rush" in
newspaper offices. Borne of the
editors have had to use the dic
tionary on it. Well, w should
manifest concern!
AMBIGCOIS.
"We give It gladly, proudly."
shrieks a street car ad ot a
tobacco that la being aent tne
soldiers by the government. Do
you suppose the ad writer used
the verb "give" lnientionsny r
Especially when the verb "sell"
would express the real transac
tion perfectly.
PFENNIG.
The kaiser haa signed a de
cree ralaing the pay ot German
soldiers. We were under the im
pression, judging by the kaiser's
hlfslutln' apeeches that the Ger
man soldiers cared nothing tor
money but fought only for love
ot the kaiser and his family.
SARAH.
After about nine "farewell",
tours" ot tbs United . States in
years gons by, the divine Sarah
appeared here last week Just
like any other actress and ex
pects to make many another
tour of this country before her
real "farewell."
WRONG.
A man named Harry Ford was
hurt on the South Side, when
an automobile struck his mo
torcycle. A man with that
name should be driving some
thing other than a motorcycle.
OYER.
If you send your soldier boy
all tha little conveniences that
the advertisements recommend
don't fall to send him also
large push-cart for him to carry
them In while on the march. .
PROGRESS.
Tha world "do move." A
blind man on a Douglas street
corner now has a amaU phono
graph and plays records In place
of turning the crank ot the old
hand organ.
WASTED.
"Wanted, at once, two' experi
enced sausage girls," aaya a
South Side ad. It you know
any sausage girls pass this on
to them.
WHY?
We never could see why they
named auch a nice town Coon
Rapids. Ioway. Still, we ones
knew an awfully nice fellow
named Oswald.
QUEER.
Why Is It that folks who pay
to go to the "movies" usually
try to appear bored with the
moving pictures at a vaudeville
show?
QUOTATION.
As BUI Shaaespeare would
aay. "Methinka the kalaer doth
proteat too much that bis arm'
les ar Invincible"
rushed to the assistance of the voung
4-4''H"W-'f-H-'f'H-4 ! r-H-'f'H'rX4-H4-4H-4-44--f'H-
9
Hand sMl YMH Mk llTr flatM jRa
OU;ilUlS)M irjltUEr &'jLSU,Qt4Ma.& VflWE MM'il iU?UI&iL lULMILr iniMM&Vr X
to OnBaha Young Womsi9 Christian Assedatfonu i
"H-W"H''H"M
P."
i ii tf ill n r 1
Plans are now being drawn up for the remodeling of the Hayden home at 2016 Cass street for the purpose
of converting it into a girls' boarding home.
For months the Young .Women's Christian association has beeen wanting to find and rent a building for
this purpose. They have talked of it and dreamed of it, and finally Mrs. W. E. Rhoades talked to some purpose.
Her husband laid the matter before the Scottish Rite Ma sons,, who saw a chance to do a real good to a lot ofde
serving girls, and invested their money in this beautiful home, which they presented to the Y. WC. A. rent free
for this purpose.
Girls who are away from home and mother' will find a new home and mother here. As soon as the rooms
are laid out and the work done, so that the cost of maintaining the home can be estimated, rates will be an
nounced. There will be pleasant rooms, cory parlors for entertaining friends and a dining room and culinary fa
cilities. A house mother will preside over all, just as mother manages the home and family. The house mother
has not yet been selected, but several suitable women are under consideration. The chosen one must be lovable,
sensible, kindly and yet a good manager.
Ho money is to be made on the enterprise. Just enough will be charged the girls to make the place self
supporting. A number of rooms will be held as transient rooms, that strange girls, coming unannounced to the
city, may be taken care of. No girl will be turned away when she arrives, frightened and friendless. Even now
the secretaries find places for such girls, and they have many calls, but they are working under great difficulties,
having no rooming house under their direction.
Miss Etta Pickering, general secretary, has been east looking into the management of other girls' board
ing homes under the direction of the association. In Columbus, O., she found they had accommodations for
12S girls, and these were so crowded that additional quarters were being provided for 60 more.
"Every city is facing the problem of housing new girls, unaccustomed to city ways, who are being drawn
into the crowded centers by the business opportunities now open to them," said Miss Pickering. "On the way
this problem is handled depends the future of these girls. We must supply them with homes and home comforts at
a price they can afford to pay if we would have them live up to the best ideals of American womanhood."
City Editors Are Talking Combination
r
In the good old days when type
was set from the case,' when com
positors were paid so much per
thousand ems, and when one duty of
each, of them was to "fill his case"
by distributing from used type on
galleys, the heads and date lines being
a nuisance one man was paid by the
printers themselves to get rid of this
stuff and make straight, quick distri
bution possible.
Because they' paid him out of their
own earnings compositors called him
"the objectionable man." The city ed
itor, who writes or directs the writing
of most of the headlines, might today
be styled the objectionable man
"down stairs.", : His" hand is against
every other man's hand. Every re
porter hates and loathes his blue pen
cil. , Every .politician in town views
him with suspicion. When the
publisher isn't jumping on him the
managing editor is. Libel possibili
ties dog- his. devoted footsteps. He
is always up against it '
It was, therefore, a bold man who
originated the notion of a National
Association of City Editors, such as
met recently in Manhattan.
For one or two days in the year
the under dog should have his in
nings. He should say what he pleases
about the reporters, the publishers,
the managing editors, backed by the
presence and sympathy of his fellow
sufferers. And that is what he is
doing at the Hotel Majestic. Mayor
Hylan is just an incident. And when
Frank A. Vanderlip, a former re
porter, talks on "Down With the City
Desk" he is accepted as a piquant
humorism, a mustard pickle of the
feast of reason and the flow of soul
Has Our Sympathy. -
Our smypathy is with the city edi
tors. News, local news, is the breath
of life to the American press. In every
city things are happening just as they
did before the wan But every city
staff is cramped for space because of
war news demands, and called upon
use half its energies in following up
local phases of the draft situation,
local interests in camps and at the
front, local heroes who have fallen
for the cause of the world's liberty.
Its reporters are drafted, one by one.
The demand for condensation is the
voice of the business office, but the
hand is the United States Govern
ment's.. The city editor must sweat
and wonder what is going to happen
next. It is clearly a case of -i'Don't
shoot the fiddler; he is doing the best
he can."
When peace comes normally bal
anced newspapers will be possible.
Then once more the city editor will
come into his own. He is perhaps
more vital than any other person tot"
the creation of a news-purvey !n.r.' i
ium that will tell the truth, ,fj g
truth anrl nohhinir hut tW
what is going on in the
vironment of its own rea
Brooklyn Eagle.
'Comb Honey'
By EDWARD BLACK
Home Life of the. Leffin gwells. . ,
The forelady of the Leffingwell dis
pensary had turned the page of an
other day's work and was enjoying a
quiet hoar, rummaging through an old
trunk which contained many little
priceless treasures of sentimental
value. She had not taken an excur
sion into this hall of tender memories
for many days. In an old album she
observed a photograph of Henry
Leffingwell, a picturization of het
rajah in the heyday of love's young
dream. She remembered that the
picture was taken on a day when she
accompanied" him to a county fair. He
was all slicked up for the occasion,
with a red necktie, a brown derbv hal
and a shirt which was eloquent in its
sartorial superiority. Henry was
quite a chevalier in his day, she
thought, reminiscently. In her retro
spection she visualized him on that
occasion, spending money lfke a
profiteer. She recalled that he had
$6.45 when they went to the fair, and
he lavished his wealth upon her with
such prodigality that she was almost
in a delirium. Nowadays, she be
thought herself, if he took her to a
picture show, jt was to commemorate
an occasion such as the anniversary
of their wedding or of the big wind in
Ireland.
As she tenderly closed the album
her hand fell upon a pair of tiny
white shoes flattened out and bearing
evidence of the patter of little feet
in the years gone by. Her musings
on the infant footwear took her in
fancy back to baby days of her elder
son, who was off to war. She held
the shoes in her hand and her mind
reverted to the time when this son
learned to walk in these same shoes.
He toddled from chair to chair and
laughed in childish glee over the ac
complishment. She remembered the
time as if it had been yesterday. Her
memory carried her swiftly along to
the days when her boy had his first
pair of boots with red tops, and along
through the succeeding periods of
time she wandered in her day dream.
Her reverie brought her to a recent
date when she bade him goodbr a he
started off to war. She remembered
how he placed his arms around her
and how strong and brave he seemed
when he told her not to worry; that
i. I, i i . . i j
lie wouiu come DacK to ner some uay
and that he would always think of
her, even amidst the strife of the
battle's din. She replaced the baby
shoes in a corner of the trunk, and
her quiet hour was violated by an un
usual noise in the basement. She
thought perhaps -that somebody had
entered a basement window and was
making a raid on her canned goods.
She started toward the scene of the
noise when she heard Henry Leffing
well muttering something which was
unintelligible to her sense of hear
ing. '
Leffingwell Kr'prizes.
"I've found a pair ot old shoes!"
exclaimed Leffingwell, his voice re
verberating through the basement
like the heavy breathings of a dino
therium in distress. One might have
thought that he had found his pocket
knife instead of a pair of old brogans.
The coincidental relation between
her discovery in .the trunk' and
Henry's exclamation aroused the
imagination of Mrs. LeffingwellSwho
began to wonder what memories had
been awakened in the mind of her
protector, that he should become so
demonstrative.
"Economy is to be the watchword
in this house during the period of the
war," continued Leffingwell, rising tc
his full height, with the old shoes
held at arm's length and a note -1
finality in his voice.
Mrs. Leffingwell knew what was
coming. She could read the face of
, , ? . , , 1 ' 1 Ti
ller cniei witnout a reading glass, nt
was going to say that he should and
could do all of the cobbling for " the
Leffingwell manor; that he was about
as handy a little cobbler as ever cob
bled since the days that shoes were
invented. She knew a few inside fact!
regarding Henry's economic ecstacy.
A few days before this occasion it
was on the day that Mrs. What's-Her-Name's
cat had a fit Leffingwell was
stricken by a fit of economic frenzy
when he tried to be a chimney sweep.
He had forgotten that his steeple-jack
days were over, and he imagined that
he could climb all over the roof and
even stand on his head atop of the
chimney. The result was that he
slipped from the roof and came down
in a disordered condition of mind and
body, causing neighborhood chatter
and defaming the proud name of Lof
fingwell. On the next day he stopped
two chimney sweeps who were in the
neighborhood and he negotiated with
them to do the job. On still another
occasion he attempted the task of cut
ting his hair with the aid of a set of
mirrors. He looked as- if a futurist
barber had been holding a clinic over
his dome of reason. .
Cobbler Gets Action.
"The trouble with you, Henry Lef
fingwell, is that you do not know your
own limitations. You mistake false
economy for real economy. Your
imagination needs curbing. I think
that it is time that you had another
fever powder or something to get you
back on an even keel. You are grop
ing around in the dark," was the stern
rebuke administered by the lady of
the house.
"Well, that is all . the encourage
ment I expected, but I intend to do
all of the shoe repairing in this house.
Bring on your old shoes!" Leffing
well retorted.
"Any old clothes' to mend?" shouted
Willie, as he hid his shoes.
In a few minutes the basement was
a scene of great activityr,with enough
noise to do credit to an industrial
plant on a quantity-production basis.
It was Leffingwell speeding up.
Mrs. What's-Her-Name rushed ovet
to inquire whether the Leffingwell!
were breaking up housekeeping of
merely having a house warming.
End of a Perfect Day.
"I think you should feel proud of
your captain of intlustr;-. My man
would no more think of t.evoting his
leisure time to the" useful arts, than
l j r ii. : . , .
lie vvuuiu iiiiiiK ui warning a ugnr-
rope," Mrs. What's-Her-Name com
mented.
"Yes, my Henry is almost a nervous
wreck now, I am afraid he wjf' ' .
n ay
in U Itieirl.'
ft3 me iianui
Mrs.
fat
ttsio
Ft
Douglas Street "
