Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, July 24, 1918, Page 4, Image 4
THE BEE: OMAHA, WEDNESDAY, JULY 24, 1918 The Omaha Bee daily (morning) evening - sunuay FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSE WATER VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR THI BEB PUBLISHING COMPANY. PROPRIETOR. MEMBER OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS Rm aaneiMrt rnm. m wtixie rnnMni mtntm. is "'"' salllM to tbe s tor ruhlteetlon (II ew il'wtrcx oredlMd to N sr eat otMnrlM ertdltud to Uilt CP. end aim tfct local -" tmbilOitd serein. 41) Mill of anblMxtioo at 001 pecial lepeo w tin iwml OFFICES oik Omha-SJll M. St CoanflU Bluffs 14 N. Mela m liawla IJttlt BalldW CTileafo rwpire feraudlaa. ri ion zh r " 8L Umit-N B'k ol CoBSHiaa, WuaisfUa Ull 0 St JUNE CIRCULATION Daily 69,021 Sunday 59,572 Aran ttienUttw for IM ontn, subeMlheS eaS Mora to B Dwish WUIlaanv Clreuletloa Ituun. Subscriber lmv(n( the city should bar Th Bm mailed t thorn. Addraaa changed oHon as requested. THE BEE'S SERVICE FLAG H5HHEHSS ' Ths Marne is Kaiser "Bill's" hoodoo ipot. ! Those raincoat makers seem to have been caught out without protection. Our boys are not only "carrying on," but are following up in the belt of form. Let this weather continue and King Corn will Co wore than hii bit in backing up the boys. One of the boyi says lomething has happened to hinder Hindenburg on his Paris dinner schedule. .-- Chairman Ferris, from the draft-resisting State of Oklahoma, has a lot of net-re to preach patriotism to Nebraska, That was not the first time the Scotch sprung . t surprise on their foe. The "ladies from hell" enjoy an enemy's amazement. General Hell has been located In command of one of the German armies on the .west front. ,,We knew it was there all the time. Champ Clark will not be at Hastings when the democrats meet He got his fill of Nebraska democratic double-crossing at Baltimore. Our intelligent compositor made the name Von Strensch" ; read "Von Stensch." No apologies due for this typographical error. Don't imagine German interest in Mexico was ever unselfish. The Hun was for many years looking ahead to the possibility of a clash with the United States. Several salaried employes of supposedly non partisan bodies are trying to use their non partisan positions as stepping stones to partisan political nominations There is a way to stop this. ' : ' ' t ' la the final analysis it, is quite clear that if there were no patronage connected .with it the municipal asphalt plant would be operated under irection of the city engineering department. VICTORY ON MARNE IS SPREADING. Reports from France indicate that the battle commenced last Friday in a counter thrust against the' Germans south of the Marne is spreading, the line engaged lengthening until the affair may now be regarded as a major opera tion, even as such things are considered in this war of superlatives. New attacks are being re ported constantly, while the original movement has not spent its initial energy, but continues with vigor against the utmost resistance of the enemy. Berlin admits the importance of the under taking, although minimizing results attained by insisting that any terrain relinquished has been given up in pursuit of the policy of "elastic de fense," on which the high command relies. Gen eral Pershing's brief report to the effect that all is going well with the American plans, together with the British official statement that French and American troops have held all the ground they have seized, must be taken at face value. These statements, read in connection with the reluctant admission from Berlin of retirement of troops of the crown prince, establish the suc cess of the Allies. Reports of multitudes of prisoners and mountains of material captured measure the extent of the disaster visited on the Hun. In some respects the retreat of the German forces amounts almost to a rout. Most important of all is the fact that Foch does not appear to have used the strength of his available army in the blow, but has contented himself with employing those troops who were actually on the front line when the engagement opened. If this proves to be the case it will be all the more satisfactory because of the fact that the expected general offensive will thus be made the more powerful. , Drop the "Wards" from the Charter. The draft of the charter relating to corporate entity and boundaries as prepared for the charter convention retains the division of the city mto twelve "wards." If it is the purpose of the char ter makers to cut out all the dead wood this section should be eliminated. v , The provision in the present charter for twelve wards is merely a remnant of legislation that no longer applies and for which there is no need. We used to have councilmen chosen by wards and school board members chosen by wards, and at one time ward assessors, but in our present form of government we have no ward representation whatever. Again, the ward boundaries fixed by the char ter do not even furnish our voting units, for the election commissioner may change the voting dis tricts from time to time as he sees fit, and, as a matter of fact, has rearranged the wards and re numbered them more than once without con sulting any of the city authorities. The last vestige of practical usefulness that justified con tinuance of the twelve wards was extinguished when the prohibition amendment was adopted, doing away with the previously required license petitions signed by freeholders of the ward. The principle' of the commission plan of gov ernment and the election of school board mem bers at large is completely at .variance with the ward idea and retention of the wards can be merely an incentive for a move to return to ward representatives. , Let's leave the "wards" out of the charter. : One answer to the charges that the coal miners ..rfe "slacking" is to be discerned in the statement that the coal raised for the week ending July 13 Is the greatest on record and ahead of estimated Mayor Smith is on record that no one hold ing salaried appointive office under this non partisan administration may use the city hall as ' bate of operations to run for a partisan political nomination with his consent The mayor now hat a chance to make good on his declaration. , Records in shipbuilding did not remain sta tionary after the Fourth of July, nor do they appear to be permanent at all. New ones are being made every day. For example, at Savannah the first plate of a new keel was laid before the hip being launched had gotten clear of the ways. After the Profiteer. Arrest of an eastern manufacturer and a gov ernment inspector on charges of conspiracy to defraud in conpection with supplies for the army may presage a drive against the profiteers. In this ease the crime alleged ii one that falls well without the generally accepted meaning of "profiteering," yet the connection between the twe practices is quite clear. For many months allegations of overcharge on material furnished the government have been plentiful and may have been well austained by comparison of pre-war prices with those exacted from consumers, and especially on government contracts just after war was declared. The process of justice has been somewhat, slow in getting at these case's,' chiefly because much more important 'matters of price' regulation took precedence, but if retribution now overtakes the men who have deljberately held up the nation on prices the public will be. inclined to forgive the delay. Self-Denial That Saved the War. An interesting report is made to President Wilson by Herbert Hoover on the shipment of food to Europe during the .first six months of the current year. Naturally the totals exceed those of any previous year, but the most elo quent feature of the report is that which tells how self-denial on part of the American people saved the war. Mr. Hoover does not bedeck his atatement with any flowers of rhetoric, but simply puts it: ' ' , It istinterestlng to note that since the urgent request of the allied food controllers early in the year for a further shipment of 75,000,000 more bushels from our 1917 wheat than orig inally planned, we shall have shipped to Europe or have enroute 85,000,000 bushels. At the time of this request our surplus was already more than exhausted. This accomplishment of our people in this matter stands out even more clearly if we bear in mind that we had available in the fiscal year 1916-17 from net carry Over and as surplus over our normal consumption about 200,000,000 btshels of wheat which we were able to export that year without trenching on our home loaf. This year, however, owing to the large failure of the 1917 wheat crop, we had available from net over and production and imports only just about our normal consump tion. Therefore our wheat shipments to allied destinations represent approximately savings from our own wheat bread. From the short crop of 1917 we have sent 141,000,000 bushels of wheat to our allies in Europq and 10,000,000 bushels to neutrals. All of this was made possible by the voluntary action of our people, responding to the appeals of the food administrator. Humanity has been saved at the dinner tables of the United States, and without anyone at home going hungryl The staid and sedate Associated Press refers to a comany of Apaches as being clad. in their "picturesque tribal costumes," and when one re calls the fact that the Apache in fighting trim wears a lighter costume than Gunga Dhin's, agreement comes easy it surely is picturesque. After the War Is Over Business Conditions of the Future As An Observer lines Them Imagi Albert R. Corman in Philadelphia Ledger. Will there be "hard times" after the war? Or will there be a "boom?" I had an op portunity during the last few weeks to dis cuss tnese questions wun men wno are neither prophets nor the sons of prophets who, indeed, know more' of profits than of prophets but who have had a practical and unusually prolonged working experience with the business and anancial conditions wnicn precede and accompany "hard times and which form the basis of "booms." From these conversations I have brought away not only a profound faith in the assured buoyancy of business conditions after the war but also a series of what seem to me sound and solid reasons for the faith that is t? : in me. as ine manufacture or optimism is not yet classed with the nonessential indus tries, I would like to manufacture a little, even if we are dealing decidedly in "fu tures." Our national morale is probably im pregnable j but as a lot of timorous souls seem anxious about it and as forebodings for the future depress it as much as anything, little sunshine cn the torward sky win ao no harm. The conditions which make the difference between "bad times" and "boom times" may be classed mainly under four heads first, the ability of the consumers to buy goods; sec ond, the availability of the raw materials out of which these goods can be made; third, labor: fourth, capital. Glut the market and you have "hard times." Shut off the raw materials, as cotton was snut on trom Man chester during the American civil war, and you have at least local "hard times." Re- a I .....r I - U -A Strict me now oi capiiai aim juu nave uaiu times." . . I What will be the situation on these four counts at the close of the war? It is because some people enter one or more of these counts on the negative side of the ledger that they think we are headed straight for a period of pinched business, of starved industry, ot idle workmen, ot soup kitchens and overloaded charities, as soon as the great maw of war ceases to swallow the vast output of war products and to pay for them with billions of dollars. They cry, "Where would we be today if the various governments stopped buying?" What is giving us our present false appearance of prosperity? The money se,t in motion by the various war purchases of the several govern ments. If the governments left the market, industry would be flat on its back. Well, the governments will leave the market as lavish purchasers of war material the day war stops. Ergo, industry will then collide with disaster. Millions will be thrown out of work just as other millions of returned sol- diers come back looking ior jods. v,spuat will have been exhausted in floating war loans, and .everybody will be taxed to death to pay the interest on them. Mene, mene, tekel, upharsinl inai is ine picture, ii wuum iuur. cu i a mortuary chamber or a German club. But is it true? Let us turn back to our four counts. First, the consumer. Will he be on hand? He will. One of the most obvious effects of this war has been to strip us all of our excess baggage. We are learning the art of doing without things. Mostly our learning has been by compulsion. Either the govern ment or poverty or patriotism has deleted manv customary purchases from our lists. Consequently we are hungrier than ever for them. While the war is on we have a sneak ing notion that it is wrong to want these superfluities and we are right. But tne aav the war it Aver that natriotic Imnulse will cease to prod our consciences and we will get these" long-missed accessories if we pos sibly can. The only question will be, Will we have tne money and will they De tor saier ootn branches of this question really rest on the other three counts. That la, we will have the money if our usual way of making money is open to us; and the things we want will be for sale if there are labor, capital and raw material out of which to make them. Let us see how these conditions are likely to stand. . Second, raw materials. Every manufac turer I have talked to says that in his line there will be an abundance of raw material the moment the war ceases to Compete for it and the seas are open for its shipment. The whole reason for the present scarcity or entire disappearance of raw materials is that the war machines are using tnem up. mere is orobably more iron, for example, being manufactured in the world today than ever before; but it is nearly ail going into death dealing instruments. When the war is over this vast stream of the world's most precious metal will flow largely into industry; and it is quite likely to be a larger stream than it was when the war began. Certain other raw materials are unavailable now because the means of transportation are busy on war errands. But our railways will be released from this grim business when peace comes, and this United States will have one of the greatest merchant marines that ever plowed the seas. Third, labor. Curiously enough, this fac tor in production, which the untrained ob server usually fears will flood the market to the drowning point, thus producing the bit terest of "hard times," is the factor which the trained manufacturer and financier fear will possibly fall short. Many of our best workmen have gone to France and will never return. This is very much more true of Britain, France and Italy, while the indus trial hive which was Belgium has suffered a tragic fate that will hardly bear thinking on. There will undoubtedly be a serious reduc tion in skilled labor after the war. But if there must be a shortage anywhere, this is emphatically the best place to have it It may be that the consumer will not get his coveted article the thing he has done with out for the duration of the war as soon as he would like it It may be that raw ma terial will be compelled to await the magic touch of the trained hand and that capital will stand at the door of labor asking for employment But the workingman, being the scarce factor in the problem, will be able to command higher wages. That is, the worker will get more pay; and the pessimists will have to do a lot of arguing to convince a nation of working people like the Ameri cans that a period of high pay is a period of "hard times." It will be noted that we have cared here for the question, put above, whether the consumer will have the money to make the purchases he wants. He will in 99 cases out of every 100 be either a worker or dependent on the prosperity of workers; and the high pay all round will put hjm decidedly in funds. In two words, the consumer is not a being apart he is just the worker spending his wages. It is a fertile circle. Pay labor well and labor will buy well buy from itself. Fourth, capital. This is one of the subjects on which the lurid flames of war have cast a new and astonishing light. We all recall how our most authoritative financial writers were wont to tell us very solemnly before the war that modern nations could not pos sibly carry on a long war because it would qost so much that it would speedily exhaust all the capital in the world. They would usually put the limit of its possible duration at a few months. Medieval communities, with their simple financial systems and small armies, could fight on indefinitely. But our modern industrial, commercial and financial institutions were so complicated, intricate and intertwined that a long war would bring the whole edifice of civilization down in ut ter ruin. In the fourth year of the great war we know better now. So far as capital goes, this war could uo on forever. Germany last year had borrowed so much alleged "capital" that it would require the entire earnings of the whole German people, even if they did n'ot spend a pfennig on food or clothing, to pay the interest on it Yet Germany can go calmly on borrowing. The process is very simple. The government borrows $1,000 from Smith, Jones and Robinson. Then it hands the 1,000 back to the same trio for munitions, military supplies or food. Then it borrows it from them again and pays it back again, only to repeat the operation a third, a fourth, a fortieth time. It is an endless circle. In peace times the circle will be much' more willingly followed even though the borrower will be usually ,a private enterprise because the money will be productively and not destructively invested. Thus there will be plenty of capital after the war. Quid erat demonstrandum. The proof of the problem is complete if we are granted one condition the allies must win the war. If we lose or only reach a deadlock which will compel us to continue vast war prepara tions our proof breaks down at several vital points. Raw materials will be diverted labor must pay a blood tax capital will be driven into hiding. If Germany should ac- Itually win she would collect her war costs from us. We would be reduced to a condi tion of economic servitude, political vassal age and social self-contempt. Your Congressman A patriotic association asks us to urge that no man be elected to congress this fall un less he heartily supports the war. That is not enough. A rattle-headed in competent or a demagogic self-seeker can wave the flag and shout for the war as vig orously as the next man. There has got to be a more searching test than that. He must support the war heartily and intelligently too. Pretty extensively, popular representation goes by default The first thing you really know about it four or five men have got themselves on the primary ballot. You can choose among them, but in at least 50 cases out of a hundred not one of them is the man you would pick if you had the known talent and character of the district to choose from. You might pick X, but X is not on the pri mary ballot. He does not care for the office; would not bother to seek it; and the men who are mainly engineering the affair behind the scenes, with their little organizations to maintain and their little axes to grind, do not care for.X. Only yesterday we heard a typical bit of gossip namely that A, B and C not bad men at all, by no means public enemies, but habituated players of the game of politics, with their followers and their little hand in the patronage pot had agreed to run C for congress. That's the way it happens at least half the time. You know well enough what is at stake. For your rattle-head and demagogue in congress those boys in France may pay with blood. Talk with your neighbors. Make yourself felt If X is the best man in your district get after him I Do not wait for the habituated players of the game to set the scene. Lo not leave it soieiy to tne sen prompted seekers of the office. Start some thing yourself, with a determination that the best talent and character in the district shall be brought out Saturday Evening Post. People and Events To prove that he is an Al loyal American citizen. John Pecovich, who lives in Pitts burgh, has named the triplets recently added to his family Red, White and Blue, or re spectively, Philomena Red Pecovich, Ste phonia White Pecovich and Rosa Blue Peco vich. . Sprightly and keen and full of the zest of living, in spite of their advanced years, the famous Hawxhorst twins Miss Elizabeth Hawxhorst and Mrs. Maria H. 'Banks of Sea Cliff, L, -I. reputed to be the oldest twins in the United States, observed their 88th birthday recently. rrnngv 4 One Year Ago Today in the War. Edward N. Hurley was appointed chairman of the federal shipping board and Rear Admiral Washington I Cappa became manager of the Emergency Fleet corporation. Parliament voted a new war credit ef 11,260,000,000. bringing Great Britain's war expenditures to a total of 116,460,000,000. Th9 Day We Celebrate. '' Nelson C. Pratt, attorney-at-law, born 1$2. . , Arthur W. But, purchasing aa-ent for the Cudahy Packing company, DOT 1ST1. ; I D. Holmes, attorney-at-law, born Jamas T. Allen, architect born lilt, ' Nell P. Swanson, undertaker, born , ISIS, A. Barton Hepburn. New Tork, au taorlty on banking, born at Cotton, . I- ti rears) a?o. Lord Duncan?, who baa written a nnmber of piayi, born 40 years ago. CJa Day In History. - lltf Bennlng Wentworth, first eolonial governor of New Hampshire, wn it Portsmouth, N. H. Died tnere October 14. 1770. 171c John M. Clayton, who negr r-tea tne Clayton-Bulwer treaty, t rn at Dagaborough, Del. Died at Z vr, DeL, November I, IS SI. l IS United States and JTraaca :-J prpcHjr treaty,, Just SO Years Ago Today A move is inaugurated to establish an annual fete in Omaha. The republican lancers club finally effected permanent organization and J. R. McEldOwney was choeen presi dent; G. M. O'Brien, vice president; George W. Weston, secretary and A U Wiggins, treasurer. J. O. PhUlipi returned to Omaha aa assistant general freight and pas senger agent of the Missouri Pacific road. , The Cable Tramway company's omce win nerearter be placed in con nection with the several parts ot the line by means ot telephone stations which have been established at Tenth and Jones, Lake and Twentieth and Dodge and Twentieth. Manager Boyd has secured the serv ices of Edward Thompsen, the scenic artist of Pope's theefcr, to paint a number of scenes anfif retouch many oi e oia ones ior inj oper nouse, Nebraska Politics Wayne Herald: The filing of Judge R. E. Evans ot Dakota City for the office of congressman frbm this dis trict glvea assurance that the present incumbent win ne opposed by a man ot excellent ability and unusual per sonal popularity in the election next ran. Judge Evans is held in high esteem by people who know him, and It is believed he will run Hke a race horse if his acquaintance Is properly extended. Tork Republican: If the politicians who dote on an interesting scrarj will Just be patient until Metcalfe flics for united States senator they will ob serve in the democratic household one of the liveliest primary fetes that has ever been staged in Nebraska, Beside it the republican senatorial contest will be a pale and lifeless affair. With Morehead, Howard, Reed, Price and Metcalfe all seeking the same job at the same time the primary campaign will lack nothing of pep and acid. Gandy Pioneer: Uncle Mose has filed for congress again in the Big Sixth. The democrats &ra savin ha has not been very active during the last session and thai his health is not such as will permit of any cr.at ac tivity, but so tar as we can learn he has been on the right side of every question, and his activity has been sufficient so that the other members knew he was present 'and while he is able to be on duty the people of the Sixth have confidence In his ability to fitly represent " them and that their interests will be properly eared Center Shots Tkiittnifa. Ldarer: ' Evan the to.tnh.taor lnnsrhad when Herr von Kuehlmann informed it that Germany would not mvaae inaia now. Minneapolis Journal: When the backward be It next fall or next year it will last about as long as a IB bill. Kansas City Times: A captured German c racer says Germany has Just got to have peace. Well, well, he needn t worry any more; we are gom to see that she gets it Louisville Courier-Journal: snoot- in lsv nltrnnna 1s In nrrtlnarv times a very good sport as many can tell, but It's a shameful waste of ammuni tion and time when there are Ger mans to snoot. Brooklyn Eagle: "Sky-proof let ters from this country to Germany, rewritten by a Red Cross force to prevent any use or cipher, oner a war nnvaltv. But no rewrita man with a German name should be employed. New York Herald: "The Hun is at the Marne" that portion of his numoer into wnosp Doaies Anwiiw and French lead has been poured in stopping quantity. As for the Others, If not now they soop will be hot-footing toward Berlin. Indianapolis News: Here Is one that the kaiser's mathematicians will never be able to answer to his satis faction: If one day's American launching exceed the entire losses of the United States for the war, how inn will it taka th nhmai'Ine to 4 bring s, German peace 1 Twice Told Tales The Dentist's Troubles. The dentist has his troubles. After working on a woman who had an extravagant coiffure, to im pede his progress and handicap his manipulations, Dr. Pullem (right name withheld by advertising depart ment), sighed ' his relief and mo tioned for her to arise. The woman pulled herself together. looked into a mirror and then again seated herself in the chair. "I am all thrcugh with your teeth," the dentist told her. "I know," the woman answered. "but aren't you going to fix up my hairr xoungstown xeiegram. Taken By Storm. The cruel winds tore at the waves as if to whirl them i.way. The man and the maid sat close to gether on the beach and watched the storm. "How the winds howl, darling," said she yelling to make herself heard. "Tes,' shrieked her lover. "Why does It howl?" she screamed. "Dunno. Perhaps it's got the toothache," he bellowed. The toothache'" she howled, "However " "Tea" he roared. "Haven't you heard of the teeth of the gale?" Then the wind howled worse thai ever, as she handed him back the ti gagement ring. Stray Stories, ' jett&rj3 76 About "Adjourned Politics." Silver Creek. Neb., July 22. To the Editor of The Bee: In telling us about the "Jims" and "Jacks," The Bee of yesterday quoted Congressman Lobeck as savin that "the president wasted politics adjourned, but Ne braska to elect a democratic senator and members of congress;" and Ar thur Mullen was quoted as saying that the president "wanted a democratic senate and congress to uphold him and that if members ot the opposite party were elected, it would demoral ize the morale of the United States army overseas and help the enemy, because it would be a repudiation of the president" We have seen, too. that notwith standing the president has said that "politics Is adjourned." he has been Interfering not only in Nebraska but in Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan and other states, and we are bound to be lieve that he will continue such inter ference during the campaign, his pur pose evidently being to secure, or re tain, in both branches of congress a majority whose members . would be personally loyal to himself with all his weaknesses, vascillations, incon sistencies, boundless self-conceit over weening ambition and flagrant disre gard of constitutional limitations. The question is therefore forced up on us forced upon every voter in every nook and corner of the whole United States: Do we want a con gress which will be loyal to such a president instead of a congress that will be loyal to the constitution of our country and the foundation princi ples of American liberty? For it is certain that we cannot have both. For my part I am for the constitu tion and the flag and eternally against all those, no matter how high or low their station, who would violate the one, or dishonor th other; and, since I am not permitted to go to war, I consider that I cannot better serve my country than by doing all I can by voice and'vote in the present political campaign to elect a strong republican majority in both branches of con gress not because they are republi cans, but because it is the only way, under present conditions, of getting rid of majorities in congress that have almost formed an inveterate habit of servilely yielding to the autocratic de mands of despotic power. As to the morale of our army in France, no one need worry about that. Our boys "over there" will continue to fight as they are fighting now, and as every one knew they would fight; and they will feel none the worse that while they are engaged In the pious and doubtless very exhilarating task of killing Huns, we at home are fight ing to preserve at least some remnants of that democracy which came down to us as a heritage from the revolu tionary fathers. CHARLES WOOSTER. Useless Railway Commission. Omaha, July 23. To the Editor of The Bee: Your editorial in yester day's Issue headed "Are State Rail way Commissioners Obsolete?" de serves public commendation and should be thoroughly digested by the thinking citizens of this state. My record at past sessions of the legislature speaks for itself, thereby showing that I was always on the alert to serve my constituency. I be lieve something can be accomplished at the next session of the legislature whereby these political artificial fix tures In office can be disposed of everywhere in the state. Secretary Baker holds professional base ball a nonessential industry. I have an idea that the State Railway commission is not as essential as base ball. JERRY HOWARD. LINES TO A LAUGH. ''Father," said tba small boy, "what li an optimist?" "An optimist, my ton, is a man who posi tively decides that everything Is all right without troubling himself to male inquir ies." Washington Star. "Why aid you exclude that man?" "On account of his clothing. He should have brought a dress suit" "You'll be lucky If he doesn't bring a law suit. Louisville Courier-Journal. Hokus Who did the best acting at the amateur theatricals? Fokus I did, pretending to enjoy the performance. J udge. "What Is this man charged with?" "Carryln' congealed weapons, yer honor." "Carrying what " ''Congealed weapons. He soaked Murphy In the eye with, a chunk of Ice." Boston Transcrlp. 'Smith bet me that he could stay under water 10 minutes, and he won.'' ''What are you crowing about, then?" "He hasn't collected the bet yet." Judge. "I have arranged things for our water melon festival. Mr. Flubdub will make a speech. Mr. Fudge will sing. Mr. Wombat has consented to giva us a chalk talk.'' "What are ' the chances of getting some body to contribute a few watermelons?" Cincinnati Inquirer. 'Ah, this Is the weather that makes things spring up," remarked a passerby casualty to an old gentleman seated on a bench at the cemetery. . "Hushl" replied the old gentleman. 'Tve got three wives buried here!" Cassell's Sat urday Journal. - Mrs. Btont (fondly reminiscing) I remem ber, Henry, when you used to chuck ma under the chin. Husband Yes, my dear, but you didn't have so many chins then. Boston Tran script. What's the matter, girlie? Disappointed in your poet already?" "I am." "What'a wrong?" "I married him to be his Inspiration. Non ha seems to eipeet me to ba bis cook.'' Louisvlla Courier-Journal. "I bet your offlca boy would like to bt the pad calendar on your desk." "Why so?" 'Because then every morning ha would taka a day off." Baltimore American. . INFLUENZA, IMPERATOR. . (Grippe la epidemic among the Oermsi soldiers on the western front) O Heinle, Hans and Hermann 1 When bent on victories It's tough upon a German T, hmvm tn atnD to sneesel Oloom tills the 'Prussian fellow Who, with Parse in view, la forced to halt and bellow, "Ah-choo!" Where bayonets halted no man. Though Frltsle found them keen. Up aprlngs another foeman. So small he can't be seen. He lights a German snoot on, And through the ether blue There bursts a mighty Teuton "Ah-choo!" O, you who fight for Wlllum! It must excite your wrath To find a mere spirillum Has barred your onward path. However hot wour choler, It does no good to you When you must wait and holler, "Ah-choo I" The Britons' cheers, outheavtng. Could never fright your earsj The Gaul's vivacious vlvelng , Brought but Teutonic sneers; Italians' shrill cadenzas With scorn you could pooh-pooh : But oh! the Influensa'a "Ah-choo!" Teal micro-organisms, All mighty, though petite. May fill your ranks with schisms While sneezes blow "Retreat!" Historians Impartial Must then proclaim It true The victor w Field Marshal "Ah-choo!" John O'Keefe In N. T. World. QUHUTV FIRST tVovsoori? GOOP! BUT HOW omomv so l t MM INDIVIDUAL CXPCftT PROMPT DELIVERY Photo supplies exclusively TfrROBT.DEIIPJTERCa 1 EASTMAN KODAK CO. 180 FARNAM ST." BRANCH 306 S0.15ST r- i r IJU4 lat TMv,howU Kesinol is clearing my skin! Resinol Ointment helps to make it possible for every woman to have a clear, soft, healthy skin, the first and in dispensable requisite of beauty and attractiveness.. Blotches, roughness, pimples, red dened patches, itching and burning of the skin can be relieved and usually removed by Resinol Ointment aided by ( Resinol Soap. 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