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THE BEE: OMAHA, MONQAY, MAY 27, 1918.
The Omaha Bee
DAILY (MORNING) EVENING SUNDAY
" - FOUNDED BY IP WARD BOSEWATEB
VICTOR ROSEWATER. EDITOR
' THE BEE FPBLISHMO COMPAMt. PBOPKHTQR.
Entsred t Omaha poatofflca aa MconJ-clast mattar.
TERMS OF SUBSCRTION
ouif -a m; r- 2
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SSLlM rtMt''WKii 'uiiit I oll-ar, WDabe
fcae ClrcnUUoa iHptrtwct.
MEMBER OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
ft AMDdutd Pn of ' The Bee U a nembir. H "J?2
nttutdiu "a J tor ribllr.tloe of HI saws tfspet-fceseredud
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in als lessfrai. .
REMITTANCE
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OFFICES ...
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, CORRESPONDENCE '
,,( enauntmlotttnni relating to asv tai editorial tutttt M
5maha Baa. Editorial Dtrtffin.
APRIL CIRCULATION. '
Daily 67,265 Sunday 57,777
Xrmtm atreulatMa fot tba asMta, sabserlbae end swore tt Of Dirts!
WlUltmi. Cireulstton Itaww. ; .
Subscribers IsavtBf ths dtf loll have The Be mailed
! than. Address ehanfed aa eftsa aa requested.
THE BEE'S SERVICE FLAO
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l 444 11
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: ; Last call for the Red ,Cros drive.
To congress: Stay on the job tilt the work is
finished,
Browning machine g una are now on their way
to Europe in fighting number!. A little late, but
useful, just the'aarae.
i ... 1 ' ..
r The weather man has also enlisted for the
Wm of the war, and we are getting rains accord
ing at they are" needed.
;- ' S3SSSS
One industrious "vampire" can do more than
the kaiser to make the soldier boys think Bher
man wai right about war. . ;
- Naming kings for new thrones is easy enough
but Mttinsr them settled on those thrones is go-
ing to keep the kaiser busy.
'At least some of the responsibility for safety
nf .iirtmAhi!cs in the streets rests on the owners.
' A little more care might help to reduce the num
ber of thefts.
The kaiser may boast of the discipline of his
army, but It will be hard for him to produce a
finer article of good behavior among soldiers than
that exhibited on the Moldavia.
'' -. The "work or fight" rule is disturbing a lot
of fellows who thought they had eluded the draft
by securing a comouflage job. Useful employ-
tnent it getting down to such narrow definition
that the safety-first brigade is in danger of being
wped out ',, .
France it giving us tome estimates on the
.number of Yankee boyi who are to be in the
trenchel before the year it out The figures ex
' ceed the cautious statements of our secretary of
war, but we will let them ride and try to make
good on the requisition. '
Adopted citizens of the United States want to
Join with natives in celebrating the Glorious
Fourth this year. That is right if the Fourth
of July lias any meaning at all it is for all the
world and pot an exclusive privilege of the
Yankee. Come on in; the more the merrier.
i What it a Useful Occupation?
Some discussion may be engendered by the
fiat of Bonuseful occupations made out by Frovost
Marshal General Crowder. In the main, how
ever, people will readily assent to the distinctions
he haa drawn and try to put up with any incon
venience that may result therefrom. Some may
not be willing to draw the line between profes
sional base ball players and actors, or to agree
that waiters at hotels and restaurants are entirely
nonessential Yet it is conceivable that life may
be supported, and even enjoyed, without profes-
i aional base ball, while men and women alike have
been able to help themselves and make a pretty
fair meal while doing to. The main purpose of
' the provost marshal'a order, though, is not to do
away with all these occupations, but to prevent
their being used at camouflage for open and de
liberate slackers. The young men who cheer
fully and willingly forego their prospects that
they may serve with the colors are entitled to
protection against those who seek to skulk be
. hind employment that is not inherently necessary
to winning the war. ' V
CONTROL OF WAR FUND SOLICITATION.
It is given out that what is known as "the
war chest plan" for financing war activities on a
community basis has been officially discarded
by the Chamber of Commerce after full consid
eration. : This conclusion is reached, so it is ex
plained, for several reasons advanced why the
plan would be unwise in Omaha at the pres
ent time, although now operative in many cities,
the chief one being that no city of this size can
possibly estimate in advance what the demands
would be for war relief during the year. It is
announced, .however,, that a substitute plan
which will include a number of the desirable
features of the war chest plan will be consid
ered later.
Whether Omaha adopts the war chest plan
or some other plan, or better still, provides for
all legitimate demands by taxation, the need of
more effective control over the soliciting of war
funds, several times voiced by The Bee, is shown
to be right now more urgent than ever. Our
people were never before in the giving mood
that they are today or so ready to respond lib
erally to every appeal for a worthy cause. But
they ought to have some dependable way of as
suring themselves that the solicitation is genuine
and authorized from the head source. We are
convinced outright imposture or diversion of
money given has so far been negligible, if per
petrated Mn Omaha at all, yet the opportunity
and the temptation is there and wilrremain for
the weak and the unprincipled and it ought not
to be and would not be under a proper regu
lation. The Bee believes effective control of solicita
tion is more important than the method of rais
ing money by the war chest lan or any other
plan.
1917.
6,462,802
5,435,814
14,233,01.1
949,388
9,350,319
32,588,050
6,248,917
57.309,795
22,137,703
3,570,499
Relieving Europe's Hunger.
Meatless days are about to be discontinued in
France, because Americans are at last making
good on their promises. Some detailed informa
tion is gathered from a bulletin of the Department
of Commerce on the exports of foodstuff for the
month of April. During that nfo'nth we sent
abroad:
1918.
Corn, bushels 8,644,58
Oats, bushels 9,085,131
Wheat, bushels 1,024,045
Flour, barrels 2,519,977
Beef, canned, pounds.. 11,836,876
Beef, fresh, pounds.... 51,882,754
Beef, pickled, pounds.. 3,007,752
Bacon, pounds 127,400,406
Hams and shoul'rs, lbs. 93,426,880
Pork, pickled, pounds,. 5,171,848
r . . I, . ... ' 4 . .
uara, oieo, ons ana otner like materials an
show a big increase in quantities exported for
April of this year over last. The falling off in
wheat is in a large part compensated for by the
increase in flour sent abroad. However, for the
10 months ended with April the combined ex
portation of wheat and flour amounts to nearly
40,000,000 bushels less than the record of the
previous year. This is accounted for by the fact
that within that time we have ceased almost en
tirely the sending of wheat and1 flour to neutrals,
although this does not entirely relieve the short
age of our allies.
Exports of meats, most of which have gone
to Europe, show a large increase for the 10-month
period, although there is a notable decrease in the
shipment of lard and illuminating oils. Lubricat
ing oil, gasoline, naphtha and fuel oil all have
been sent across in much larger quantities than
before. We are striving manfully to keep this
part of our bargain in the war and gain shown
by the April returns is proof that we are suc
ceeding. . .
German Investments in America.
Germans had invested in American industries
and enterprises of various kinds prior to the war
more than $2,000,000,000. This fact, according to
A. Mitchell Palmer, custodian of alien property
indicates the extent and thoroughness with which
the German government was going about its plan
for tubjugating our country. That enormous sum
of invested capital, spread from coast to toast,
present in all important centers of American life,af
forded an agency whose influence was both pow
erful and insidious. Here in Nebraska its pres
ence was felt, just as was the more direct effort of
the German-American Alliance to turn this dfun
try into a kaiser province. The activity of the
government in searching out and disclosing the
extent to which the plans, of the kaiserbund had
been carried out here has brought to light the
fact that the United States was listed in Berlin
alongside of Argentina, Chili, China and other
regions that were to be taken by atealth and made
part of the great world dominion over which the
Hohenzollern would rule. No German investor
will lose a penny through the fortunate fact that
his money is invested in America. He will be far
better off than if he had it at home, for our honest
government will see that he gets every cent he
put in here, with a reasonable return for its use,
and he can have it to start life anew after the
war, if he succeeds in getting it away from the
greedy taxgatherers of the "Fatherland." (
, Do not forget that the first bomb dropped by
an airship in warfare was launched from a Zep
pelin against a hospital at Antwerp in August,
1914, and that the act was deliberate.
Anecdotes About J. Gordon Bennett
Caprices and Whims of the New York Herald's Late Owner
Maw Vrtrlr Tim
Tames Gordon Bennett issued the Herald
for a circulation of one himself. His ec
centricities, his whims, his perversities, nis
kindnesses were fertile ground for anecdotes.
Years ago he 'wrote in his little sjster's book:
"The man I most admire in history is Louis
XI." When Bennett died, last week, he was
the lessee from the trench government ot
the hunting; lodge at Versailles built by his
historic hero. And he had lived to see the
whole world say after him and without ques
tion "The New York Herald 1 It is Bennett."
To the last Mr. Bennett measured policies
and improvements by what his father had
done or would have done; and it was a coin
cidence that he and the "father he adored
should have died at the same age, 77 years.
Rtnnert freouentlv ouoted his father's
axiom, "Make the people talk about the Her
ald and they'll have to buy it." Bennett made
them talk and he was proua oi n, dui wnn
he was most croud of was that he was the
only proprietor who edited his newspaper at
long range.
For years the Herald enjoyed distinction
for its cable news. Yet no one m the New
York office was permitted in any circum
stances to send an inquiry" to Paris, much
less an order for news, without direct in
structions from Bennett. He so jealously
guarded the cable that all assignments to
such duty were made by him personally.
In all of Bennett's relations with .his em
ployes he kept the fact clearly before them
that his wish was their only law. un one
occasion he ordered a change in maiceup
which violated a long established rule and
headed off any comment by adding: "I want
it this way."
The editor renlied eravelv: "Mr. Bennett
if you want it we will set the Herald upside
down."
Bennett replied with equal gravity and
meant it "I hat is the true Herald spirit.
During the period of the Herald's greatest
prosperity it was Bennett's custom to send
for men, apparently without reason, and ire
fluently without really wanting to see them,
In one instance Bennett ordered a man to
wait for him at Nice, and kept him there
nearly three months before communicating
with him. Finally, at 6 o'clock one morning,
the private secretary 'phoned that Mr. Ben
nett wanted the man to board his yacht im
mediately. There was no time for breakfast,
and on reporting for duty Bennett announced
that he was taking a party to Egypt and
would talk business later.
About 2 p. m. luncheon was served, much
to the hunerry Herald man's delight. But
the first course was an eggshell cup of bouil
lon, very fine bouillon, indeed, but not filling.
After what seemed an interminable wait a
dish of eggs appeared.
"They weren't even man's-sized eggs,
complained the man afterward, in telling of
his troubles. "They were about the size of
large marbles.
The man got all he could on one spoon and
fell to. Still his hunger was unabated. Ben
nett, from the head of the table, suavely said:
"Mr. C, you seem to like those eggs. Pray
let me give you some more.
This time the visitor used the spoon twice
After he had finished he noticed that the
guest on his right was watching him curi
ously. "Most remarkable eggs" this guest ven
tured. '
"Oh, I don't know," replied C, with feel
ing. "It seems to me that as eating eggs
they are a failure.
"I am sure you do not understand," sug
gested the guest. "These eggs comr .!,000
miles down the Amazon river. The supply
is very limited, and all that are brought to
Europe are divided equally between Mr. Gor
don Bennett and Count Herbert Bismarck.
I believe those eggs cost in the neighborhood
of $400 a dozen." , i
Poor C, to whom a corned-beef sandwich
would have been much more welcome, tried
to hide his feelings. Bennett didn't talk any
business with him, and the next day sent him
back home and fired him.
New York Times,
his valet, and was off to sea without having
seen the Herald building.
On the occasion of Bennett's first visit
here after the Herald had bought from Dr.
Cook the story of his finding of the north
pole he told how the doctor got a reward far
beyond his expectations. Cook had, on
reaching civilisation, wired Bennett offering
the story for $2,500. The message was
handed to Bennett just as he was taking a
train for the Riviera. He glanced hastily at
it and then put it in his pocket. Turning t
his secretary he said: "Wire Cook the Her
ald will pay $25,000 for the story." Cook
got that amount.
Bennett impressed his personality, . or at
least his whims, even upon the phraseology
of his newspapers. The Herald's "dort't list,"
by reason of its formidable length, is a by
word among newspaper men. Insofar as it
is based on the use of good English, good
taste and common sense, it does not differ
from other pamphlets of that kind, in offices
where such obsolescent textbooks persist;
but in its departure from them it is an ex
pression of Bennett's verbal likes and dis
likes. .
A headline of five words which appeared
in another New York newspaper not so long
ago aroused comment in the Herald office
because it violated four Herald "don tSr- It
read: ,
"Banker Morgan Sails on Liner."
' The Herald style book terms "banker" as
thus used, "a name handle" and forbids it.
Modern transatlantic vessels do not sail, and
the verb is forbidden in the Herald except
for sailing Vessels or their passengers. The
word "on" is forbidden, in this connection
Mr. Morgan was "on board" or "aboard."
And in the Herald there is no such useful
word as "liner." The head, edited according
to Herald rules, would read, "Mr. Morgan,
a banker, left on board a steamship."
An automobile in the Herald cannot be
called an auto, a car, or a machine. A rail
way engineer is an "engine driver." An air
plane is not a plane, nor a telephone a phone.
Plan" may not'be used as a verb or in any
other way except as designating architec
tural or engineering drawings or in connec
tion with military campaigns. A record is
never broken, so the rule goes, but a new
record may be set.
Wno la "Marie Decca?
Madison, Neb.. May 18. To the
Editor of The Bee: WU1 you please
answer through your columns, what
was the name of the gTeat singer.
Marie Decca," and who did she
marry? A SUBSCRIBER.
Answer: The Bee is unable to lo
cate the name of "Marie Decca" in
any of the musical records at ' its
service. If some reader knows of
her, will such a one - please furnish
tho information "Subscriber" asks
for?
At another time Bennett summoned a staff
man to Paris, and that night Bennett showed
him the town in person. As the night wore
on Bennett became much annoyed, at a large
roll of notes in his pocket, which frequently
got in hrs way. When he finally got home
his gast led him into the sitting room,
Where an open fire was burning. Once more
the roll of notes got in Bennett's way,, but
this time he promptly threw them into the
fire, sank into a chair, and went to sleep.
His guest rescued the bank roll, and later
in the morning, when Bennett woke, restored
the money with an explanation.
"Did I throw that in the fire?" asked Ben
nett, who was still in the same room. "Well,
then, I must have wanted it there," and he
threw the money back into the flames. An
hour later the man was on his way to New
York, no longer on the herald staff.
But Bennett could be kind, He once
called to Paris a man who had given him
much satisfaction by the manner in which
he handled the early news of the war, Ben
nett became much interested in him, told
him what to see in Paris, where to eat. and
what to pay for his food. During the con
versation Bennett found that the man had a
mother in England whom he had not seen for
years, He ordered him to go to her at once
and then return to Paris. When he got back
ne ordered him to Switzerland to write on
winter sports.
The Herald building, copied from the
Town Hall of Verona, Italy, had been stand
ing four years before Bennett came from
France to see it. But on his way uptown
from the pier he stopped for luncheon at the
Union club, then at Twenty-first street and
Fifth avenue. The chops he ordered did not
suit him and a raw with the waiter and then
with the steward followed.- Thoroughly an
gered, Bennett telephoned to a steamship
line, found a ship was leaving within the
hour, hired the captain'a cabin, rounded up
Bennett gravely directed that his reporters
should not write about "pants," "vests" nor
"full dress suits." Many of his "don'ts''
grew out of social terms. He forbade the
use of "clubman" and of "visit." His report
ers were not permitted to write of "box par
ties" at theaters; nor "invited guests" nor
"dinner dances," nor "maids of honor," nor
hotel "patron," nor "society men." "Social
leader" and "society girl" were taboo.
In Bennett's lexicon there was no such
word as "diplomat." It was diplomatist. A
preacher of the gospel was not, and pre-
LI - . . r . r.
sumaniy sriu is not, ior tne neraia a mm
ister." That word is reserved for "diploma
lists."
Bennett s fondness for dogs and sport
manifested itself in these rules: '"Hunting
aogs must be avoided; use hounds. In an
objectionable case the dogs were English
setters, use the 'g' in Pekingese."
"Say 'hunting when referring to the chase
of game on horseback, and 'shooting' when
tne sportsman is afoot. ;
One can be a member of a club or church
according to Bennett's rule, but not a mem.
ber of a crew. He held that the crew of a
steamship should not be called sailors, but
seamen. His predilection for the sea and
for yachting caused him to list a set of nauti
cal rules separately in his style book, for fear
nis men would write like landlubbers. They
were cautioned not to use "prow" for "bow,"
"wheel" for "screw." nor "waves" fnr "m"
"Waves." the style book explains, "are sur-
tace undulations; seas do damage.
There are nearly 30 of these nautiral rl-
"Do not use 'took up the anchor,'" says one:
use weighed anchor.'" In the same way
took in cargo is forbidden in favor of
stowed cargo.
t - - r i ....
cmorcc mesc ruies cennett naa a sys-
icm oi nnes ana suspensions.
Possibly It Is Authentic
Among the minstrel jokes of 40 years ago
none was surer ot "getting a laugh" than the
one about what Brother Bone claimed fn
be a remarkable silver spoon, then in his pos
session. When the interlocutor, after the us
ual repetitious interchange of question and
answer, had carefully prepared the audience
for the "point" about to be made, Brother
Bones informed him that the snoon win1 re
markable because it was found in New 6r-l
leans after the departure thence of Ben
Butler.
If one were to accept as authentic the re
markable document given out by our De
partment of State as the translation of i
warning aistriouted by Uerman agents in
Spain, the kaiser's propagandists want the
Spaniards to believe thai the penalty for
abandonment of neutrality is to have done in
tne country committing this error of judg
mem cAdmy wnai uenerai tsutier was
charged with doing pure slander, bv the
way in the city where his rule was so bit
terly resented. For among other loot proud
ly listed in the schedule of German acquisi
tions in Belgium are 1,876 silver spoons.
At first thought, that seems strangely
few silver spoons to find in a land as rich as
Belgium was. before the war, but presumably
still assuming the authenticity of a docu
ment so highly guaranteed a,11 the other sil
ver spoons had been sent over into Holland
or France betimes, and the 1,876 were the
poor pickings that remained. Anyhow-, that
is as plausible as that the Germans would
prepare an elaborate list of their thefts for
even in war the taking of private property is
theft as well as of the number of churches
tney bad destroyed and of the prisoners,
whom they .had maltreated. New York
limes.
Bed Cross Help Appreciated.
Omaha, May 25. To the Editor of
The Bee: Our war fund drive will
end next Monday night, May 27, and
every county chairman and commit
tee is going to work to the last mo
ment. Headquarters advise us that
every cent that is raised over the
quota will be required and Is badly
needed. The more we raise in this
campaign the later will be the next
drive.
I believe on Tuesday morning this
office will be in a position to adviae
headquarters that the quota in Ne
braska has been raised and consider
ably more, and that Nebraska will
again be put on the map as a most
patriotic state.
We attribute a large measure or
the success in this campaign 'to the
excellent publicity and co-operation
that has been riven Red Cross by the
Omaha newspapers.- As far as we
can learn we have been given more
space by a great deal in the Omaha
newspapers than in the newspapers of
any other city the size of Omaha or
larger, all of which I assure you is
greatly appreciated.
FRANK W. JUDSON,
Nebraska State Director.
SUNNY GEMS.
It'i lucky for ma I'm not In th box,'"
aid tba great base ball pltcner, aa h pa
raded up and down the room with hla
tooth-cuttlnr aon and heir.
"WbyT" aaked hla wife, aleeply.
"Because," he anawered, "I don't aeem
to have any control of the bawl." Boston
Tranacrlpt.
"She here, I thought you agreed to be
my little tump of augar."
I did, Terdy, I did."
But laat night Algy wai alluding to you
aa hla little lump of augar."
Well, we muat conaerve aweeta make
the augar go aa far aa it will." Louisville
Courier Journal.
One Tear Ago Today in the 'War.
Attorney General Gregory de
clared anti-draft registration propa
gandists, would be vigorously prose
,: cuted. '
Italians continued great offensive,
mashing through Austrian lines on
Carso plateau and capturing many
prisoners. .
4 He Day We Celebrate. "
John Kendrick Bangs, author and
; humorist, born t Yonkers, N. T., St
.' yean ago. -
Dustin Farnum, motion picture star,
bora at Hampton Beach, N. H., 41
. rears ago. o. -.-
Arnold Dennett, Journalist, novellut
and playwright, born In England, SI
:., rears ago.' ',..
' This Day In History. '.'
1708 Peter the Great founded St
Petersburg (now Petrograd) as a
sew canltal for Russia.
17S8 Patrick Henry famous pa
' '.riot orator and statesman, born at
Studley, Va. Died in Charlotte
cnimtv. vlrelnla. June fl. 1799.
, 1742 Gen. Nathaalel Greene,' the
! revolutionary commander for whom
v 4he national guard camp at Charlotte
" Is named, born at Warwick, R, I.
' Died at Savannah, June 19, 1786.
18 SI Federal troops crossed ' the
Ohio river at Wheeling and at Park
; ersaurav . "' ;
18 S3 The body of jeffersoa Davis
; was disinterred in New Orleans pre
' ' caJS4?jy. 2 Ua transfer t BJcJgond
JustSO Years Ago Today
Last week was a busy one tor the
JLf
Crelghton Guards and every effort has
been mads by each and all to make
themselves and company good sol
diers. M. C Jones of Paxton V Gallagher's
traveling force left for the west
The Kllpatrick-Koch Dry Goods
company has an even ten men onj the
roao. . ,
Rev. F. M. Foster, castor of the
Immanuel Baptist church, conducted
appropriate memorial services In
commemoration ot the deeds ot valor
achieved and the sacrifices exDerl
enced by the federal -soldiers during
tne late war. ,
Mrs. J. G. Bond of Mitchell, 8. D.,
is visiting Mrs. T. caniii, liio st
Mary s avenue. '
The Linnee monument committee
ot the Omaha Swedish population
is making a great effort to make
its Fourth of July festival the mu
steal event oi the season,
Round About the State
Going over the top for the Red
Cross funds was mere play- for But
ler couaty. Simply drew a check for
825,000 on balance on hand from last
fall's drive. The figures are 87,000
above the county quota Just for good
measure. , 1
"Who put it back?" is the Question
of the hour at Aurora, and most of
the townspeople are guessing. Fer
rets of the Taxpayers' league, search
ing county records, found that be
tween 1909 and 1915 overpayments ot
82,231 naa neen made by the county
commissioners to a Des Moines lum
ber, bridge and supply house and the
money with interest had been re
funded, In addition to 440.39 for cost
or ferreting. The league exonerates
the present board of county commis
sioners, mentions no names and ap
pears satisfied with getting the
boodle back.
Grand Island Independent sends
editorial cheer "to our Irish neigh
bors of Jackson precinct who have
given approximately two Red Cross
dollars tor every ons asked for. By
gouy," chortles the independent,
"that's soms township."
Nathan AvemfF. 1unk nt An.
rora, advises the Republican that thei
pipes for the honor flsgstaff were do
nated by hlm'and adds his willing
ness "to give away all my pipes and
all my steel and all my castings to
make a big bullet to kill ths kaiser
and drive his Junker class of para
sites from the face of the earth." Any
patriot ready for ths act can., have
Right to the Point
Minneapolis Journal: The presi
dent's hand is well again, but he will
not use it to see what the electric
fan is doing.
Washington Post: Germans are to
seize the clothing of their dead in or
der to win the war. While this will
not accomplish the purpose, ulti
mately it will secure plenty for those
who are left
Minneapolis Tribune: Germany has
found it necessary to reduce bread ra
tions, The condensed milk for babies
which German soldiers pillaged from
Noyon was not in sufficient quantity
to make up for the bread deficit
.Louisville Courier-Journal: "The
United States would be to blame if
the Germans should win," says for
mer President ' Taf t Ths United
States would also be humbled at the
time of ths victory and run over
roughshod im the future. Neither
misfortune' shall occur.
! Baltimore American: The kaiser
talks. Von Hindenburg talks, Luden
dorff , talks, but General Foch sits
tight and says nothing. He isn't
wasting any needed energy In words,
but his acts may bs expected to speak
ior mm at tne psychological moment.
New York World: Millions of
Americans who never saw him will
feel an individual loss in the death
of Lufbery. Personalities are mainly
lost in this gigantic struggle, but the
novelty of their employment and the
upturned - eyes of vast armies upon
them have made ths names ot the
great, "aces" of all the armies fa
milial w . v
Twice Told Tales
A Temporary Expedient
The girl appeared to be such
plump. Jolly little soul that the old
lady felt prompted to address her.
"Hello, little girl! Do you live
near here?"
"Eh am."
"What?"
"I hed eh am."
"Does -your mother know where
you are?"
"I hink hor
"I don't tnderstand you."
"I hald I hink he os here I am."
"My dear child." finally said the
kindly old lady, "what in ths world
is the matter with your speech?"
Adjusting her face with what
seemed to be something of an effort
the child replied:
"I had a big tooth pulled this
morning, and I Just cant keep my
tongue out of the hole." St. Louis
Globe-Democrat
cleaner whenever I have it Is uae." Kan.
aaa City Journal.
She (reading letter) Oh. John, what da
yon think? y3ur aon haa been expelled from
He Eh! That o? f
Shel an't It awful? - ,
He Ob. I don't know1. Ferhapa I can put
through now without an assignment. Boa
ton Tranacrlpt,
- " .
Patience My brother la In tis cavalry.(.
Patrice Oh, la he? How many horaet
doa be have to drive?
Patience Why, one, of coarse.
Patrice Well, my brother la In tha artll
lery. m anvea a iour-in-nana. Yonken
Statesman. - .
sue, ;vu I, iv vrciy u,f couma
doesn't It?"
"Yes. Indeed; and when you're 50 yoi
get old like 0." Philadelphia Bulletin.
Pandle Will you give
quarter for a sandwich?
Candler Don't want
hungry. Buffalo Express.
s poor man a
it; I'm nt'
"Soma aay you can't get free professional
advice."
"Can you?"
"To be aura you can. Tour doctor will
talk law as long as you will listen, and
your lawyer will give you medical advice
on any ailment you want to bring up for
discussion.'' Birmingham Age-Herald.
' HER PRAYER.
She knelt beside her snow white bed.
The moonbeams dancing on her head,
A head all crowned in golden curia,
A gift mora rare than precloua pearls
. This little girL
She raised her head In silent prayer.
All cares forgot, I waited there.
Tha carea and grief which Infeat the da
Of war'a bitter sting were awept away.
I heatd her say:
"God heTp mother." How my thoughts flew
Back again to my grief anew.
Is there a God, when cruel fata
Buna humanity a ragged gait
In lust ot hate?
Why not this God with helping hands,
Down hate which moves In stricken lands,
Bring joy and dear onea home again ,
With love, to rule our fellow-men
And peace to reign?
My thoughts were such. Unheeded there)
L6he reached tha climax of her prayer.
And soft and sweet her olce rang clear,
Which broke the stillness of ths air.
I dropped a tear.
i t
Brave child, (Oh, weaker woman T,)'
She feels the needf her country's cry,
And calls to God, 'mid tba cannons' roar,
"Please help America win tha warl
Peace forever mora. ''
Omaha. MRS. MAUD KKLLET. .
news) It says
a msster of tac-
Florenca (reading war
hfre that General Foch Is
tics.
Her Hubby Yes. he's a great master of
the proper disposition of his troops
Florence I ve often wondered what made
them so good natured. Cartoons Magatlne.
Sergeant In a Colored Rainbow Tans,
ma am, wa (ought nan' to bn ion fob.
days and foh nights.
Interested Old Lady I don't see how
you stood tha tenalon.
Sergeant Waal, you see, ma am, we
ion' stan' at 'tentlon when we's fightln'.
Cartoons Magatlne.
'I never see the cat washing her face
any more.
The cat la progressiva. She never cared
for water, but aha Is all right now. She
strolls around In front of the vacuum
-WHY-
NOT
OILSi'
toteA
tt2WOCewaf
Business Is GoaWkM& Ygu
Behind the
Telephone Operator
There Is a J.arge
Invisible Army
A muster of the telephone forces of the country would
bring together nearly 200,000 men and women.
Over 100,000 young women comprise the operating
force alone a force now handling an intricate telephone
traffic of more than thirty million messages a day.
Telephone employees everywhere are playing a big
part in the war-time activity of the nation. They are
meeting each task with a spirit that at all times deserves
from the public a courteous appreciation of their efforts.
NEBRASKA TELEPHONE COMPANY
Say Fooi
Bay Way Savings Stamp
aafl Liberty BoMs
c
3D
OI ID
The Last Word.
Arthur Train, ths novelist, put
down a German newspaper at the
Century club. In New York," with an
Impatient grunt ;
"It says here," he explained, "that
it Is Germany who will speak the
last word in this war."
Then ths novelist laughed angrily
and added:
Tea, Germany will speak ths last
word in the wsr, and that last word
will bs 'Kameradl "-rrWashinf ton
Star, - - -: . T" - .. . s
W
Made io order al
sssssssassssasasal
THE
BEE ENGRAVING
DEPARTMENT
OMAHA
