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THE BEE: OMAHA, FRIDAY, MAY 24, 1918.
The Omaha Bee
rwy UQBN1NG) EVENING SUNDAY
. fOCMOtD IT EDWARD BflSSWATIB
VICTOS EOSEWATEE, EDITOB
" Pf H FUBUSHINO comfamt. fboprietob.
i a Omaha pestoiflee M seoond-claas matter.
TEMU OF SUBSCRIPTION
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DsUy 67,265 Sunday 57,777
sbeaJanes ft Ow Mft MbNrfbM aee steni to r BwUst
f-Wcrra las the ejty stenle save Th B maJM
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THE BEE'S SERVICE FLAG
Over th top, but keep It up.
Threi or tiunei have been added to the
Jailer's record of warfare against women. '
No dilloyalty-breedini teachers to our schools
ad no war-profiteering- miscreant in our ichool
It ia very plain that the promiaed railway
yetz Increase la not to include railway presi-
It wovld be a relief if HWdenburg would only
fct coniiderate enough to announce hia death
Brewers anr bottlers ihould.be quick to arbi
trate. Omaha can get on nicely without labor
troubles.;7 , . 'ssssssssa' -;-' '
On way to help make a cleaner Omaha ia to
it:? vifaf th streets as s dumping place for lit
ter and refuse. -
Conaternation did not hit thf railroads till the
presidents wers depoied. But Uncle Sam ia giv
in j the show now. '.':-.;-
Jtt If t sorry day ior the kaiierl" aaid the
.!;rss from Belgium, when they saw ho
Crsts'ls preparing meata for. the allied armiei
tct . .. '
If tiers Is .another city on the map that has
r 3 tt?xt St, energetic, Indefstigable, aelf-aacrific
C : ertw keoiting its Red Crow drive as has
C . ;-Jtt, tt will have to show m. '
Tki Wirld-Hersld's present eagerness to pr.'
f ' T ihl loldiers' vott ii matched only by its
r;: :x (sgtrneii to preserve the vote , for six
r-tsiJu' resident slien enemies in Nebraska, r
Ur. MeAdoo can save more than the salaries
tj Mtsral railway presidents by the simple ex.
5 f consolidating Omaha's two passenger
t':,!jns, and it that'aervs the traveling public
c;Ji batter with only one of thtm.
Senator Hitchcock's hyphenated organ insists
i:st th Senator is "exceptionally qualified by his
tricing" for thi chairmanship to which he has
::9 advanced by ths rula of seniority. What
i?eTssiA? Educated n the schools f Baden
Ziitn, Ctrrnany " tays the official biography.
V v furt One Reform Here, t :
Whils ths reform spirit is on in Omaha let us
truths attention Of our new police commission
If to thl professional beggtrl who are capital
ising their physical defects on our busiest thor
evjhfsrss. This is not only in violation of the
city ordinance, but thers is no-real charity in tol
erating this sort of thing. Other up-todate cities
! pot do It. There is a way to take care of
,k;!sss, blind or crippled people who are de.
ttrvinf but it is notorious that most of those
i wpow themselves on the streets are m.
ft;tsrs and, undeserving. Let the Associated
Ct irltiss check up on these unfortunates and if
Uzni worthy they can easily be properly pro.
vkJed for, - But, worthy or unworthy, put them
3 the street corners. 'I5 1
. -ITALY'S DAY."
' This is Italy's day, to ciltbrate the third an
niversary of that nation's entry into the war. It
should be observed, as our president. has sug
gested, with such emphasis as will leave no mis
take in the minds of Italians anywhere as to the
sincerity of our friendship. The gallantry of the
Italian troops in the long struggle forward and
the desperate stand they made against the -on-sweep
of the Hunnishv hordes last winter form a
part of the annals of the war that cannot be over
stated. Whatever the cause of the disaster that
overwhelmed Cadorna's army, the trouble has
been removed and a united Italian nation now
confronts its enemy. Misunderstandings have
been cleared up, purposes made plain and Ital
ians are now in the field to win again victory or
freedom. The spirit of Garibaldi lives once
more, and aons and grandsons of his soldiers are
making good the defense of their country. None
of our associates in this war has httd greater
economic difficulties than have the Italians, nor'
have any ahown more steadfast purpose than
marks the armies now facing the foe along the
Piave. Recognition of this fact by Americans
will help to a better understanding on both sides,
and assurance from us of appreciation of what
they srs doing will greatly offset German fforts
to further poison the Italian mind. This is the
purpose of Italy day, and it is worthy.
Belgium's Military Mission.
Omaha's streets have been the scene of many
military parades and spectacles, but never did
one of greater import go by than that which
passed in the rain yesterday afternoon. Veter
ans of Belgium, and France, escorted by United
States soldiers and High school cadets, marched
in the rain along the city's thoroughfares and
received cheers of thousands. And what does
this all mean to them? Is it not more than just
a holiday jaunt? Does it not mean more than
the applause of the crowds and the unfeigned
admiration of all they meet? Surely it does, to
them and to America as well. These men have
seen a great nation putting its every power and
energy into its war purposes. Theythave had
more than a vision of its strength and its enthusi
asm, They have had a close-up view of its re
sources and the most convincing proo( of its sys
tematic and efficient preparation, and when they
get home their words will be listened to much
more attentively than will any of the reports
made by visiting statesmen. These men are of
the people and will talk to their comrades on
even terms. They will be able to tell what the
people of America are doing, taking account of
all they have seen in camp and field, in factory
and workshop, and their message will be one of
cheer and good courage. For this reason, above
all others, the visit of the Belgians is important
. fWalklnr Dead Men.-
Russian prisoners of war, described as "walk
ing dead men," are being sent home from Ger
many under the terms of the Brest-Litovsk
treaty. It is worthy of note, and quite charac
teristic of the Hun, that the Germans insist they
are to liberate only those who cannot work, while
the Russians must provide in exchange able
bodied Germans. Thus the kaiser foists onto
ths conquered and submissive bolsheviki the
maimed, the diseased and the disabled, forcing
their care on a land unable to care for itself,
while Germany receives and retains all who may
be used for military purposes. Detained Russian
prisoners may not be employed in the battle line,
but their enforced labor in field and factory, on
roads and elsewhere, will release Germans to do
the fighting, and thus will the pretended treaty
of peace be distorted into an enforced alliance
to aid the Central powers in their battle to place
the rest of the world in the. same predicament as
Russia. The more the effect of nonresistance is
studied, the more luminous becomes its folly, .,
German War on Bass Hospitals.
"If the British build their hospitals near the
railroads, they must expect to get them bombed,"
according to a German airplane captain, who was
captured comparatively unharmed while con
ducting a raid, in the course of which'many
wounded men, doctors and nurses were killed.
The attack had been made with utmost delibera
tion, coolly and carefully carried out, and terrible
destruction visited on the helpless and their mer
ciful attendants. It is the kaiser's way of retal
iating for expeditions that destroy naval bases,
such as those at Zeebrugge and Ostend, for the
daring sally of the Italians against Pola, and sim
ilar efforts, of the allies. No foe suits the Ger
man raider so well as one who cannot defend
himself; therefore, sleeping, undefended cities,
base hospitals and the like are picked out to be
assailed from the air. In this way the emissaries
of kultur are seeking to carry put the Instruction
5iven by the kaiser himself to his troops in China,
lat they conduct themselves like the Huns of
old. Instead of terrifying the nations of the
earth, as he sought to frightenvthe Chinese, his
policy has added to the detestation and horror of
ths world for kaiserism and its frain of abomina
tions. Responsibility for the crimes against civ
ilization and decency has been fixed and repara
tion will be exacted, No man or nation may
hope to indulge in such an orgy of frightfulness
and escape, forever its penalty.
Kaiser 's War Plot Confessed
Herr Tkyssen, German Steel Magnate, Reveals the Crime
Herr August Thyssen, one of Germany's
leading steel makers, a man of vast wealth,
who is personally known to many of the
prominent steel makers of America and has
been in the past an honored guest of the
American Iron and Steel institute, has con
fessed in pamphlet which has just recently
been smuggled across the German border
that he, with other big business men, were
persuaded by the kaiser himself and his
chancellor, at many meetings held between
1912 and 1914, to ally themselves with the
military party and co-operate' in a vast
scheme of world conquest which the kaiser
and his advisers had determined on as neces
sary to preserve and strengthen the Hohen
zollern dynasty. The pamphlet ha,s been
translated into English and will be circula
ted in the . United States. It confirms and
establishes the truth of the accusation made
by the German ambassador to London that
the Jtohenzollcrns planned, directed and per
sisted in finding an excuse to make .war on
every country that opposed the kaiser's am
bitions. ' , : . ,
The pamphlet is too long to quote in its
entirety, as it contains more than 4,000
words, but extracts from it constitute a
damning indictment of the' German war
party. . "j
Thyssen owned iron ?and steel works,
harbors, docks, huge mines in British India,
other British possessions as well as in France
and Russia, but they have been comman
deered by enemy governments and his busi
ness in Germany has been ruined.' He is
described as the captain general of German
industry and t sort of composite of the late
J. P. Morgan and Charles M. Schwab. He
tells how the world conquest scheme was
broached to him and many other representa
tives of finance and industry between 1912
and 1914, the kaiser himself and his chancel
lor being the spokesmen at these meetings.
. The kaiser spoke with the greatest elo
quence and enthusiasm, promising great
(financial rewards to his hearers if they would
support him in the war as it ' had been
planned. Thyssen himself was explicitly
promised 30,000 acres of land in Australia
and a loan of money to develop it as his
share of the spoils. He says: ,
"Every trade and interest was appealed
to. Huge indemnities were, of course, to be
levied on the conquered nations, and the for
tunate German manufacturers were, by this
means, practically to be relieved of taxatioa
for years after the war. .The emperor's
speech was one of the most flowery orations
I have ever listened to, and so profuse were
the promises he made that were even half of
what he promised to be fulfilled most of the
commercial men of Germany would become
rich beyond the dreams of avarice. Let me
frankly confess that I am one of those who
were led to agree to support the Ilohenzol
lern war plan. I was led to do so, how
ever, againstmy better judgment. The Ho
henzollerns saw that the war had become
necessary to the preservation of the military
system, on which their power depends. The
Hohenzollerns might have directed the for
eign affairs of our country so that peace
would have been assured in Europe for at
least 50 years, but prolonged peace would
have resulted in the break up of the military
system and the power of the Hohenzollerns
would come to an end. The emperor and his
family clearly understood, and in 1912 de
cided to embark on a great war of conquest.
"But to do this they had to get the com
mercial community to support them in their
aims. They did this by holding out hopes
of great personal gain. In the light of
events that have taken place since August,
1914, these promises now appear supremely
ridiculous, but most of us at the time were
led to believe that they would probably be
realized. I was personally promised a free
?;rant of 30,000 acres in Australia and a loan
rom the Deutsche bank of 150,000
at 3 per cent to enable me to develop my
business in Australia. Several other firms
were promised special trading facilities in
India, which ,was to be conquered by Ger
many by the end of 191 S. A syndicate was
formed for the exploitation of Canada. This
syndicate consisted of the heads of 12 great
firms; the working capital was fixed at 20,-
An Error of Four Billions
In these days of lavish war expenditures
by each of the nations involved, we look upon
a billion dollars with none of the awe with
which the country many years ago (contem
plated the fact that congress had in 'two
years appropriated that enormous sum, an
awe which did not altogether disappear even
after Speaker Reed reminded us that this
was a billion-dollar country. But still, when
we break a billion dollars into parts that are
within our comprehension, we realize that it
is a vast sum and we can scarcely imagine
any one making an error of $4,000,000,000 in
an appropriation bill. But that is approximate
ly the error accounts have discovered in
the army bill prepared under, supervision
of the house committee on military affairs.
The figures now stand at $11771,666,847.86,
instead of at over $15,000,000,000, as had been
previously reported. Even Secretary Baker
and Chief of Staff March had accepted the
larger estimate as correct. But accountants
checked ov'er the items in the army bill and
those in the fortification bill and found du
plications to the amount of approximately
$4,000,000,000. It .was further ascertained
that the appropriation for fortifications could
not be expended within the legal time limit,
so there will to another reduction. This will
probably bring the aggregate of appropria
tions for this session down from $31,000,000,
000 as previously estimated, to about $25,
The error affords a signal, illustration of
the necessity of budget system, which Mr.
Sherley, chairman of the house committee on
appropriations, and Mr. McCormick, one of
the representatives at large from Illinois,
have been urging, with indifferent success.
But the house cannot very well ignore such a
situation as this error makes apparent., St.
Louis Globe Democrat.
New York Financial World.
000,000, half of which was to be found
by the German government. These promises
were not vaguely given. The conquest of
England was to be made the occasion bl
bestowing upon certain favored and wealthy
men some ot the most desirable residences
in England.. Every, trade and interest was
appealed to. I have mentioned the promise
of s grant of30,000 acres in Australia to me.
Promises of a similar kind were made to at
least. 80 other persons at special interviews
with the chancellor, and all particulars of
thee promises were entered irt a bookrin the
trades department. . These promises were
made definitely by Bethmann-Hollweg on
behalf of the. emperor to gatherings of busi
ness men, and, in many cases, to( individuals.
They were ponfirmed by the emperor, who,
on three occasions, addressed large private
gatherings of business men in Berlin, Munich
and Cassel in 1912 and 1913. I was at one of
these gatherings. The emperor said:
" 'We shall not merely occupy India. We
shall conquer it, and the vast revenues that
the British allow to be taken by India princes
will, -after, our conquest, flow in a golden
stream into the fatherland. In all the rich
est lands of the earth the German, flag will
fly over every other flag. I am making you
no promises that cannot be redeemed; he
who refuses to help is a traitor to the father
land; he who helps willingly and generously
will have his rich reward.'
"According to the promises of the Hohen
zollerns, victory was to have been achieved
in December, 1915, and the promises made to
myself and other commercial men were to
have been redeemed. But this is what hap
pened in reality. In December of 1916 the
chancellor, Bethmann-Hollweg, began to
have interviews . once more with business
men. Guarantees were asked from 75 busi
men, including myself, that they would un
dertake to subscribe 200,000,000 to the next
war loan. I was personally asked to guaran
tee a subscription of 200,000. I de
clined to give this guarantee; so did many
others. I was then favored with a private
interview with Bethmann-Hollweg's private
secretary, who told me that if I declined to
give the guaranty, and subsequently the
money, I would lose on a contract I had
with the war office. I was threatened with
the practical ruin of my business if I did not
give the guaranty.4 I described this demand
as blackmail of the worst sort and refused
to guarantee a mark to the war loan. Two
months later I lost my contract and the
greater part of my business has been taken
over at a figure that means confiscation.
Moreover, I am not to get paid until after
the war, but am to receive 4 per cent of the
purchase price. Every man who declined
to promise a subscription to the amount
asked has been treated in the same manner.
The majority, however, preferred to pay
rather than be ruined, and so the Hohenzol
lerns in the main got their way."
Another German Lie
Of all the lies circulated by the German
government, the meanest and most malicious
is that unleashed by wireless to the effect
that from papers found on American avia
tors who were shot down it ias been proved
that for their own safety many of them cross
ed over on hospital ships certified as mem
bers, of the American ambulance service in
Here is an imputation of craven coward
ice which it is scarcely conceivable that even
Germany would ask the world to believe,
The British admiralty disposes of it in few
words by" saying that "no hospital ship, Brit
ish or American, has ever carried anybody
but invalids and the necessary medical staff.
Further, there are no hospital ships working
on the cross-chaanel route,"
Probably the flimsy basis for this fabri
cation of the German government is the fact
that a few American aviators were in the
allied ambulance service in France before the
United States became a belligerent. But it is
explained that even these men crossed the,
Atlantic on ordinary ships and took their
chances of being torpedoed. They did not
hide behind the Red Cross flag.
The most charitable construction which
can be placed upon this latest lie from of
ficial Uerman sources is that that govern
ment, having itself indulged in such extremes
of atrocity as the murder of women and
children, the shelling of unfortified towns and
the sinking of unarmed ships, cannot con
ceive of a higher degree of honor and is
ready to impute to its enemies the same base
motives that guide its action. Germany has
sunk to the abyss of dishonor; could it be
expected to comprehend honor? Washing
Try This on Your Typewriter.
Omaha, May 22. To the Editor of
The Bee: Now Is the time tor all
good Americans to go to the aid of
their country, and Instead of trying
to make money out of the war, do all
in their power to make money for the
war. BERT PLATTE.
Keep Your Eyes on Bohemia.
Omaha, Ma,y 22. To the Editor of
The BeeS Hardly a day passes but
what reports of some kind flash
through our daily press, and nqfr once
is It a report of suck nature as to give
comfort to the Teutons, unless it is
the reports, brmging sad news of Bo
hemian boys shedding their blood on
the western battlefield, where they
hold their own on the side of the al
lies, in the midst of the thickest fight
ing. God bless their brave souls.
There is something wonderful about
this little nation. Dragged Into the
war on the side of the Huns, they
watched their chance and deserted
the ranks of their oppressors in such
numbers that now, together with vol
unteers from the United States, they
form and constitute an Independent
army of such vast numbers, composed
of men of such recognized ability and
training that the allies seriously count
on it on the western front. And
there are over 60,000 of them left in
Russia who are eager and anxious Xo
be transferred to the western front
just as fast and Just as soon as the
means of transportation can be ar
ranged. The last reports' have it that
they are already on their way over
the Siberian railroad, to crqss the Pa
cific. If it is true, then within a short
time trainloads of them will begin
passing through the United States on
their way to France. Their leader;
who in his 70 years has undergone the
same trip, arrived Just two weeks ago,
and is in Washington paving the way
Keep your eyes on Bohemia and its
plucky inhabitants. If there is 'any
thing that causes the kaiser to worry
it Is the internal troubles, and the
long-oppressed Bohemians will give it
to him good and plenty although
they will pay for it dear both In blood
and worldy possessions. However,
they are bringing the sacrifice will
ingly, for it is the war for freedom
freedom which they lost in the battle
of White Mountain over S00 years
ago, and for which they have been
struggling ever since. In the victory
of the allies Bohemia sees 1'. - own vic
tory and freedom, and, therefore, the
allies may fully depend on them, for
their victories will be mutual. Bo
hemians are not alien enemies; they
are allies, and should be held as such,
"Mechanics must get mixed sometime en
"What makes yoo think that?"
"I heard soma talking ths other day
bout the horsepower of a donkey engine."
"That young woman who Just passed Is
one of the politest girls in town."
"Out with it."
"At the funeral at her home the other
day she asked the undertaker to call
again." Richmond Times-Dispatch.
Little Freddy had Just been put in a
khaki suit with long trousers.
"Mamma," he asked, "am f a man now
. "X suppose so," she replied.
"Well, then," he continued, "I guess I'll
take a dime out of my bank and go down
to th barber shop and get shaved." Bos
Dolly At last I hav met my Ideal!
Kind-hearted, modest, patient, self-denying.
But, alas, married!
Daisy Don't worry. No woman will live
long with such a freak. You'll get a
chance at him. St. Louis Times.
People and Events
It's all off with that projected tour of
Billy Sunday to the fighting front. Passport
regulations forbid permits to those having
relatives in the army, and Billy has a son
Jimmy Hart, 86 years old, a Brooklyn
Methuselah, has just married Kitty Wolf, 18.
Wouldn't that beat ye? Perhaps. But, re
member, great grandpas enjoy having the
kiddies pull their whiskers.
Cheyenne, St. Joe and Chicago have
achieved dubious reputations as wet towns
eager to break the drouth. But their wet
ness rank as small affairs. The champion
wet town of the world is called Cherapunji,
India, where the average rainfall averages a
foot a week. Local web feet show no desire
to vote it into the dry belt.
fin. n f ihm, amltnlni.. n n a -a stf T
Nv Y., thought he saw a chance to soak the
street railway company because an inspector
kicked off the car a young tough who rudely
jostled women and children at the entrance,
in order Jo be one of the first to a seat A
favorable decision in the lower court has just
Deen reversed by the highest court of the
state and the company sustained in its rule
ot women and children first." The ambu
lancechaser is left with a large bill of re
pairs to settle. , . ,
Crs Xmr Ago TodAjr la ths War,
CsssHl PsrShing conferred wKh
Tt ttm Wilson st ths Whlta Houae.
I MtMs 4rovt back Austrian line
O lfmtls front faotng Trieste.
JL.-T Admiral Bima, commanding
Jt- naval forces in European
jrav was mo vies sd mlral.
T. Cftjr W Celebrate, "' ' :
3, V Adams, sales manager for the
7' ';lf . Implement compasy, born
) -Cc fsmsrs, prsettdnt physician,
rrt Barnard, American
.w. .bom it Bellefonte, fa,, SI
i f V
I OeUvlus Jlasen, president
1 Vlvrsit si Montana, sera In
."X 49 yrt sse.
. Amur Wfftf Plnero, playwright,
. s t issits, H years sgo.
: t tif fa Wmm, ,, 'j-'h ',. ;
UlSwftspns a Intro1, founder i of
( t csiisgs, bor ia France. Died
'-'lphisu Peeemfcer II, Sltl.
,fmmir9Hn. Alexander Macomb
f r :rtJ-in-chi of the United
'C.y. " --v ' :
.4 -dtrls made their first ad.
t St Virginia, three regiment
v St Geergetewa, f ou at Wash
i I ' I fs at Alexandria, V -t.'Mfcip
.". . tr!j ground , Caps
Jus! 80 Years Ago Today
Phjl Kearney Pogt No. I, Grand
Army of the Republic, held a meeting
St its hold at Fort Omaha and four
piembers were admitted to the ranks
of the Grand Army of the Republic,
4 O. Pantallonl, manager of the
Westlnghouee Electric Light Company
Of Pittsburgh, Fa., is in the city and
endeavoring to perfect arrange
mints for putting in an electric light
)lant at a cost of half a million dol
ars. Assistant City Engineer Lawrence
has prepared the plans for the pro
posed Q etreet viaduct, (
Thomas Trumble of ' Moline. III.,
who is the proprietor of a large boiler
and iron plant at that place, ia in the
city looking for a location.
Twenty-two bright little boya, sons
t old soldier, met at the Grand Army
hall. ISIS Douglas street to be
drilled for the purpose of acting as
rguaranonor" -to the Liberty car on
tentorial day. - - .
Round About the State
Rain fit (ha fnr-wlr hit thn
right spot at the right time. -
Fremont Tribune notes with come
surprise the small percentage of
Omaha soldiers who took the trouble
to vote for municipal candidates, and
ascribes it to the magnitude . of the
tasks on hand. "When the boys come
marching home from war," comments
the Tribune, "they will be the whole
thing in politics." -, .
Beatrice and Fremont are facing
raises in gas, electric light and water.
In Fremont the gas . company
slapped on a 25-cent raise without
talking it over with the city. The raise
makes the net 'rate, including els-
count, $1.75 per 1,000 cubic feet. Like
speed has not been attempted at
Beatrice, the question of boosting the
three mecessaries -water, gas and
eiectnc ngnt Deing in tno debate
Stage, with an investigation promised.
Considerable applause in editorial
columns Welcomes the Omaha an
nouncement of raiding the haunts of
the idle and making loafers work er
get out. "This is right," exclaims the
York Democrat. "Not long ago we
saw several fine looking young men
being taken to the army. Jrt front ef
a pool hall stood a lot ot Allows, not
one ot whom seined to have anything
to do. They should either go to work
or to the army-" In like tone the
Beatrice Express commends the drive
on loaferdom, and stamps idleness as
treason to the country.1 "It's cither
make your own way now or move
over with the Hohenzollerns," '
Whittled; to a Poinl
Washington Post: Complaints of a
hemp shortage in the west so long
before harvest time must sound a bit
ominous to tha treason whisperers,
Minneapolis Tribune: Germany
boasts of having destroyed, or made
unserviceable, 73 cathedrals and
churches. A proof of "Gott rnit Uns,"
Xew York Herald: When a man
insists upon trying to drive horse
eense Into the halls of congress,
where eje could he expect to land
than in a detention ward "for mental
Brooklyn Eagle: Washington has
one real puzale now, whether "iIson
or Bryan is the less pleased by the
naming of Hitchcock of Nebraska as
head of the senate's foreign affairs
Louisville Courier-Journal: Mr. Mc
Adoo says the man who wears a pair
of trousers with a new seat budded
Into the old material is a patriot
Maybe, but we peed men who are not
afraid to march to the front to showJ
their patriotism rather than men who
must sit tight to hide theirs, i
New Tork World: Berlin1 is a will
ing liar, but neither a cheerful nor a
skillful one. Danger makes her des
perate. The official stqry of the Ger!
man Kovernmem mat "grave cases
of insubordination "Ocour daily in
American training camps" and "were
punished by - death, but this was
stopped owing to the number of
cases," is an example of lies that not
only neutrals but Germans may check
up at their leisure.
Twice Told Tales
Sure Enough Talker.
A woman went into a pet store
one day with the announcement that
she wished to buy a parrot and was
shown several promising specimens
by the proprietor.
"I like the looks of this one," said
the prospective customer, designating
a certain bird, "but are you quite sure
that he is a talker?"
"Oh, yes, madam," was the prompt
assurance of the proprietor, "he is
a talker, all right."
"Some of them are very disappoint
ing," continued the customer, "Will
you guarantee him to talk a tot?"
"I svrely will," answered the pro
prietor. The lady who last owned
him sold him because she couldn't
get a word in edgewise," Philadel
phia Telegraph. - ...
! Then Trouble J3rgajn.
An esteemed party named Pat es
tablished a livery stable in a' rural
New England town, and wishing an
appropriate sign, he had one painted
that pictured a man riding a mule.
Just after the sign was put up Pat's
friends Mike, rambled along.
"Oi see," pleasantly remarked Mike,
lazing at the new creation, "thot yes
have put up a foine soign."
"Tea," responded Pat with some
how of pride. "Phat do yes think av
"Shure, an Oi loike it." replied
Stlke, with an txpansivs smile, "but
who la the mon thofs on yes back?"
This Corn Will
"Gets-It" Makes Corn's Come
Off The "Banana-Peel" Way!
Why hav to flop on the floor, aqueez
yourself up like th letter "Z," and with
bulging eyes draw your face up into a
wrinkly knot while you gouge and pull at
the "quick" of n tender corn? That's ths
2 or 3 Drops Applied in a Few Seconds
There' no Fussing or Cutting.
"Gets-H" Always Works 1 .
old, savage way. "Gets-It" is th modern
painless, simple way. Lean over and put
two drops of "Gets-It" on the corn, put
your stocking and shoe right on again, and
forget the corn. Pain is eased.
"Gets-It" has revolutionized the treat
ment of corns. ' It never irritates the true
flesh. You'U stop limping on th aide of
your shoe, and do away with greasy salves,
bundling bandages, thick plasters and pain
ful methods. Use "Gets-It," it's common
"Gets-It," th guaranteed, money-back
eom-remover. the only sure way, costs but
a trill at any drug store. M'fd by F.
Lawren A Co., Chicago. 111.
, Sold in Omaha and recommended as the
world's bst corn remedy by Sherman St
McConnel Drug Co.' stores. Adv.
Dimness of Vision
In cases of disorder of th
joints of th spin in th neck
region, dimness of. vision is com
mon. Sometimes such ' disorder has
caused other y trouble, du to
shutting! off of nerv supply to
th eyes. Belief f this nerv
pressure by , spinal adjustment .
give nature chance and the
trouble disappears,. (
.Until you kav aSsuranc of a
spin specialist (chiropractor)
that your baekboa Is in perfect
order, So not seek other corree-
tion for your ailments. There to
FREE Call here for'a
free spinal analysis with
out obligation of any
. kind en your part.
DR JOSEPH C.LAVEEKCE
Eslabtished as a ClflROPRACTOR SincelSIZ
JBa-dttktf. N.W. Cor. l76Uowias STt
uOver There and Here"
A number of bibles printed iff Oeev.
man formed a part of a waste paper
cleanup recently pulled oft at Port
land, Ore. 7
War woe appears in a new quar
ter a diminished supply of wire) tor
the manufacture of hairpins is said
to have left only enough to last three
months in England.
Cardinal Bourne of England, an
eweringv slacker insinuations, states
that in the London diocese, out of leas
than 300 priests, 62 are serving as
chaplains at the front , .
French food regulations now for
bid the sale of fish, preserved meat,
poultry, rabbits and game on Wednes
days, Thursday and Fridays. Horse
flesh is one of the few meaty eateep
One of the precious bibles stolen
from a Moscow church during the
revolution was a volume studded with
diamonds and other jewels, and valued
at $1,000,000. The bolsheviki know
a good thing and show standard Hun
speed in reaching for it
One of the -correspondents on the
spot reports that American troops at
the front "return the enemy's fire two
to one and give him back a double
dose of whatever he sends over.
That's our style. Americans in
Europe are notorious spenders.
Brigadier General George Carey
has been promoted to the vacancy in
the British command created by the
recall .of General Gough. Carey is
the boy who gathered together a
scratch force of engineers, clerks,
Chinese navvies and stragglers and
helped stem the German tide sJter
the rout of Gough. - .
A war profiteer, boasting of his rake
off in the Treasury department at
Washington, drew down the wrath of
an indignant woman clerk. A few
whacks of an umbrella knocked oft his
lid and mussed his coiffure. The wonw
an has three sons on the fighting '
front and had ample reason for as
sailing a mercenary filching coin out
of American life blood.
An Englishman recently out of Aus
tria reports that almost everything in
the way of supplies can be had for
money, but quite a roll of depreci
ated currency is needed to effect a
trade. For example, butter may be had
at 15 kronen a pound, boots cost from
200 to 300 kronen a pair, a salt of
clothes 800 kronen and an overcoat
1.000 kronen. In neace times a kro
nen equaled 20 cents m American
DO YOU KNOW
of any securities on the market
safer and sounder than mort-t
gages on new buildings which
lie at the foundation of v
'Such securities are standard the
world over. Home Builders
builds only to order for ths
owner thereby receiving the
contractor's profit and a mort
gage upon a modern up-to-date
building for any money ad
Assets over $1,000,000.00
Sur. & Res. over $100,000.00
Mail Orders Solicited.
American Security Co., Fit. Agt
Offers All That is
Best in Hotel Life
I Recognized as the Head'
quarters of Boston's Rep-
resentative Visitors from
I every state in the union.
L C. PRIOR
an1 nn PivanHutf V.M.
1 . WAI1 M uf. 2
r nouse uucis jruu a bus .
! nlace for your household 1
. a nrtsn A sif nt
& M UK AbE tU.
Phone Dous;. 4163. -806
So. 16th St
FORD TOURING CAR
Takes from th cornet ef lltk SOvet
and Capitol Avcna at S :0S p. m Friday,
Hay 17, by a young man. short, stoat,
dark completion, wearing a pink cap ana
green necktie. '
1917 Mode! with 1117 License Number
125788; Engins No. 030619.
Pleas send any Information to Mk
6. Phillips, I5JJ Hd gt, Oeaafca, Tmm