Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, April 26, 1918, Page 8, Image 8

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    THE BEE: OMAHA, . FRIDAY, APRIL 26, 1918
nin n An i tt i T -r-i T-i
DAILY (MORNING) EVENING SUNDAY
FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSEWATER
VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR
THE BEE PUBLISHING COMPANY. PROPRIETOR.
Entered at Omaha poatofflc aeeond-clatt matter.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION
H rarntr. Hf Mill.
Otlly and Suna ..pet weak. He Fir ytu. I
litjif wiuiom Bunaay... , joe oo
t.Kntnt tod 6 us liar " lUa " 04
Kwilni wlibout bunder - 6a " 4 so
Sunday Bet oulr ' Do " j W)
fd notice of cnanft or tddren or vrtfularitf to deurtrr to Omaha
at circulation ueparunent.
MEMBER OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
fbt Aauelaud Preaa, at which Tho Bat li a member. It oelatlnlt
entitled to tht out for publication of til owt dltpeti'Ott credited
to It or not otborwtn credited la thlt paper, and alto tht tonal newt
pubilahad herein, ail rlcbte of publication of our tpecitl d iptu-bat
art aito memo.
f! REMITTANCE '
Jtrmtt rrj draft, expnei or tnttal order. On It t and 8-etnt tttaira
tana In payment or until aecounia. Peraooal eneek, except on
ypiatt ana eaatem ticaann. aot tccepieu.
OFFICES
Umaha Th B Bulldlne, Chlcafe Ptop't'i fltt Bnlldlaa.
out Omaha 23U N 8L New York ! Fifth at,
touncll BluTft 14 N. Main St St. lruit New B'k of CoBBml
Lincoln Ultlt Balldloa. Watbuuton 1311 O St.
CORRESPONDENCE
a!trMt eetnmnnlrtttont relttlni to Bern and editorial mattei
Omaha Bet, Editorial Department.
; MARCH CIRCULATION
:: 66,558 Daily Sunday, 56,553
Irfrtta elrculetino for tho month, tubtcrlDM tod fworo to b Dwlfbt
w'illlamt. Circulation alaoaftr.
'. Subscriber leavinr tho city ahould havo Tho Boa nailed
thtra. Addreaa chanted at often aa requested.
i TAe Bees Service Flag
r
I
1
Over the top, but keep going.
Sunday base ball is not an issue in Omaha,
According to all the candidates.
J This is the day we celebrate by putting the
"tanks" over the top for Nebraska and Omaha.
Easily done.
.1: -
Fritz has had a taste of Yankee fighting, and
Joes not relish it, but he will get a lot more be
Ve the end comes.
, WHAT DOES THE BOARD CONTROL?
One of the singularities of the proceedings
before the Board of Control, just now investigat
ing the record of the late head of the Reforma
tory for Girls at Geneva, involves an attack on
the acts of the board itself. In order to sustain
an allegation of extravagance, expenditures of
large sums of money for maintenance of the
home are shown. It also appears these payments
were made with full knowledge of the board, and
that the bills were audited and approved, and
payment made with assent of the members. Just
where this form of inquiry will lead does not
appear on the surface. We do not think the
board intends to censure itself for making ex
penditures it deemed prudent and necessary, and
it certainly can not blame the accused superin
tendent for doing those things the board author
ized to be done. This naturally raises thejques
tion: What does the board control? If it is the
management of state institutions, its members
should know at all times the condition of the
funds and the circumstances suTrounding all ex
penditures on account of the public service. With
this information, it would not need to make a
formal inquiry to determine if the head of an in
stitution were making extravagant or unauthor
ized purchases. Where is the inquiry leading?
Canada's answer to the anti-draft agitation
M to call all unmarried men to the colors. The
Canucks mean business.
That raid on Zeebrugge and Ostend stirred
ihe hornets In the kaiser's camp, but their stings
Ve not nearly so deadly now,
The weatherman is hereby formally notified
'hat he is holding back a lot of war gardeners
ho are anxious to get busy outdoors.
' Omaha names are coming home in the casualty
Sst, Our boys over there are redeeming the
promises they made when they started.
Mi. re people are coming to understand why
Omaha did not get the big cantonment when
Des Moines was a bad second in the race.
' Germany k.boasting Its eighth war loan will
win, but it is going to take more than the de
preciated currency of the kaiser to determine vic
tory this time.
The president is due to hearts chorus today
such as he has never yet listened to, and the
kaiser can hear it, too, if he will pnly turn his
one good ear towards Omaha.
New Game Aids Shipbuilding.
The farmer, who, aotording to the old story,
said to the tired gang of field laborers after
supper: "Come on, boys, let's go out and play
dig cellar till bedtime," is being outdone in the
shipyards of America. A new. game has been
instituted among the workers. It is who can
drive home the most rivets in a working day.
For the week' ending last Saturday, "Finner"
Schock of Baltimore established the high record,
2,720 three-quarter inch rivets headed up snug
and passed by inspectors in nine . hours. The
"Finner" drove his hammer so fast it was neces
sary to add an extra heater and passer to his
gang. At Buffalo a riveting gang set 2,087 seven
eighths inch rivets in eight and one-half hours,
and received $83.50 for the day's work. This
rivalry is extending to all shipyards of the coun
try, and teams are striving daily to make rec
ords. It not only means more pay for the nten,
but it means more ships for the nation.
The importance of riveters to the program
may be understood from the fact that it takes
950,000 rivets to hold together an ordinary
freighter, while 575,000 rivets are required by a
U-boat destroyer. Crack gangs are essential in
this work. Most gratifying of all features is the
spirit of keen rivalry that has sprung up between
the men of the different yards. For example,
the owners of the Union Works at San Francisco
made a wager of $20,000 that they could excel
the record of the Fore River yards. When the
San Francisco men heard of this, they asked that
the bet be turned over to them, and it was. In
sums of $50 to $500 the men put up the $20,000
and are now hustling to win their own bet. Seattle
gangs, working on big ship orders, are offering to
bet 2 to 1 that they will fill their contracts ahead
of time.
And this is the spirit of the working gangs in
the shipyards. It is a proof of the loyalty of
labor, and the nation need have no fear while its
workers are thus imbued with a determination
to win at this new game.
Promotion of Mediocrity
Menace of Seniority in Senate Foreign
Relations Committee
New York Times,
The late Senator Stone of Missouri came
to be chairman of the senate committee on
foreign relations simply by seniority. It is
no injustice to his memory to record the fact
that neither his studies, his acquirements,
nor the character of his mind made him the
most suitable, or even a suitable, person for
that post. Time was his chief merit. Now
death and time are to appoint his successor.
The next man on the list happens to be Sen
ator Hitchcock of Nebraska.
Of Mr. Hitchcock's singular zeal to alter
international law for the benefit of Germany
before the entrance of the United States into
the war it would be impolite, it might even
be unfair, to speak. Let bygones be by
gones. Not against him personally, but
against the system of promotion, with no
thoughtof special talent or merit, but for
mere length of service on the committee,
must just objection be made. It is true that
nothing known, or visible, in his public serv
ices in cither branch of congress marks him
as fit to be chairman of this committee
whose work must be momentous in the
present and in the, future, since the old com
parative isolation of the United States from
the world is ended, since in Europe, in Asia,
in Mexico, Central and .South America, in
the Caribbean as in the Pacific, are vital
American connections and interests, the
multifarious interrelations and interpenetra
tion of country with country in a world
made small by steam and electricity and the
airplane.
The peace that is to end this war, new
treaties, guaranteeing new relations, all the
great international roles, economic and po
litical, of the United States hereafter, will
bring a graver responsibility to the senate in
its constitutional functions as to foreign af
fairs; will require an adequate and accom
plished senate committee on foreign rela
tions.
How long could a great corporation be
run successfully on the promotion-by-senior-
lty plan: the present senate committee on
foreign relations consists, with the demo
cratic vacancy left by Mr. Stone s death, of
nine democrats and seven republicans. The
nine democrats are Hitchcock of Nebraska;
John bharp Williams of Mississippi. Swan
son of Virginia', Pomerene of Ohio, Marcus
Aurelius Smith of Arizona, Saulsbury of
Delaware, Pittman of Nevada, Shields of
Tennessee, Thomas of Colorado. With the
largest allowance for the capabilities, virtues,
and goiaen guts or tnese gentlemen, Mr.
Williams is probably the only one who is
known to the country at large; and even Mr,
Williams is occasionally a little ill-advised
and sudden, sound as is his patriotism and
various as is his talent. The republican
members are Lodge, William Alden Smith of
Michigan, McCumber of North Dakota,
Borah of Idaho, Brandegee of Connecticut,
Fall of New Mexico, Knox of Pennsylvania.
SubstractingNMr. Smith of Michigan, sub
tracting, if you choose to be rigid, Mr. Mc
Cumber, you still have five republican mem
bers who outweigh most of the democratic
names. Mr. Knox has been secretary of
state. Mr. Lodge. by universal admission,
is fit to be. So is Senator Borah. Why
should the rule of seniority force the suc
cession of Mr. Hitchcock to a chairmanship
for which he has small other recognizable
qualifications? The senate might better
choose its committee chairman by shaking
dice than by this rule. Ihere would be a
better chance, probably, of getting the fittest
men.
Now, when war pitilessly casts down fig
ureheads and upsets conventionalities, is the
senate to stick to the rule of mediocrities?
6&A
Food Served in Alien Prison Camps
' Menus About the Same as in Army Cantonments
; One characteristic of Charles M. Schwab al
ready is in evidence. He has emitted no proc
lamations up to date beyond the one addressed
la: the shipbuilders, urging them to greater
efforts. He did not build up Bethlehem by writ
ing or talking about his plans.
5 "Tax Free Government Bonds.
'"I Attorney General Reed has just given an
opinion which, if adhered to, greatly enhances the
value of the Liberty bonds as an investment. It
ha been understood, of course, that these bonds
ast such are tax free, exempt from all levies save
that of the income tax, above the limit set by "the
government. But, under the rule laid down by
the courts, the owners of banking shares have
not enjoyed the immunity, because the tax is
laid not against the amount of property held
b) the bank but on the shareholders according
toUhe value of its shares. As this, has been deter
mined by the capital stock, it follows that when
any amount" of that is represented by govern
ment bonds, these securities are taxable under
the rule. Attorney General Reed has reversed this
practice and recommends that banks deduct from
thir . capital account for tax purposes the sum
ofj any investment in Liberty bonds. The ad
vantage of this is easy to be seen. Banks will be
mere ready to make purchases if this recom
mendation stands, for it gives them practically a
liquid asset free from taxation and bearing a
goipd rate of interest
Mexico as an Aid to Kultur,
The not astonishing fact is revealed at this
late date that before the war in Europe com
menced agents of the kaiser were studying in
Mexico the practical application of their theoreti
cal terrorism. For example, one of Captain von
Papen's correspondents was intensely interested
in the most approved methods of train-wrecking,
and went to Mexico to look up the way Carranza
and Villa did it down there. Through him Cap
tain von Papen made an intensive study and a
detailed report on thev matter, with conclusions
as to the various methods to be employed and
their value in the assault Germany was preparing
to make.
Nothing could better illustrate the cold-blooded,
systematic manner in which the war gang
of Potsdam prepared for the conquest of the
world. Nothing was overlooked by them, not even
the savagery of the bushwhacking warfare of
Mexico. No form of "terror" that might be of
service to kultur was too debased or horrible to
be adopted. Belgium is only an example of what
fate waited the world that declined to submit to
the demands of the kaiser's wrecking crew. Our
people, who have been loath to believe that such
things could exist, are slowly being convinced
through documentary evidence, showing the activ
ity of such men as Von Fapen, who wore the
kaiser's uniform, moved among cultured people,
smiled with cordiality and plotted with devilish
persistence to undo those who fell under the
blight of his monumental treachery.
No chapter in all the war is blacker than that
which shows how the German agents persistently
abused the hospitality and confidence of trust
ing, credulous Americans.
Champ Clark may be senator if he likes to
fill out the unexpired term of William Joel Stone,
but he possibly will prefer the cinch he has to
the necessity of facing a state-wide electorate.
How does the United States treat the in
terned civilian enemy aliens and its military
prisoners of war?
lo get truthful and detailed answers about
the situation, the New York World, with the
consent of the War department, sent a staff
correspondent to visit the two most typical
war prison camps in the United States one
at Fort Oglethorpe, Ga., where only civilian
enemy aliens are interned, and the other at
Fort Mcl'herson, Ga., where only military
prisoners are interned. The correspondent
says, in part:
Ihe food served in the big compound is
issued through the quartermaster's depart
ment anil is substantially the same in amount
and quality as the food issued to government
troops in army cantonments. An exact rec
ord is kept of everything, and the man in
charge of the mess files awav his daily bill
of fare for a perpetual record. The food is
inspected by the officer of the day before
it is served, the same as in the army.
"All of the food regulations laid down by
Director Hoover are strictly observed
meatless and porkless days. Fish is the meat
dish on Fridays. Practically every day is
wheatless day. ihe camp has its own bakery
and the bread is principally rye or with an
occasional admixture of wheat flour, but very
little of the latter is used. Almost without
exception the men prefer the rye.
"Bills of fare at Fort Oglethorpe for five
days in February, given herewith, were se
lected from the files of the men in charge of
the mess with the idea of showing the varie
ties of food served. In quantity it is the
measured ration of the soldier:
Friday, February 1, 1918:
BREAKFAST.
Grits 1 Coffee
Butter
DINNER.
Bean Soup Fried Fish
Coffee Stewed Prunes
SUPPER.
Chili con Came
Bread Jam
Saturday, February 2:
BREAKFAST.
Oatmeal Coffee
Butter
DINNER.
Vegetable Soup Potatoes Ragout of Beef
Bread
Syrup
Potatoes
Bread
Tea
Bread
Syrup
offce
Bread
People and Events
Right on the heels of Milwaukee's pro
nouncement for the red flags of socialism,
brewers announce a boost in the price of
beer. It's one darn worry after another un
der the crimson colors.
More woe for American smokers impend.
Fifty per cent of the tobacco output of four
big factories have been requisitioned by the
government. Strict conservation of "the
makin's" looms large in the summer horizon.
"Forward with Knute Nelson 1" is the po
litical slogan of the loyalists of Minnesota.
The senator will not campaign for re-election,
leaving that to the people of the state
with the simple statement, "As you order I
serve."
It is more than probable that weather
men stage the present "unseasonably cool
weather" as a safety measure. Ticked bat
talions of girl orators from six colleges this
week are contesting for the champion belt in
Kansas. In this circumstance cool waves
take rank as inspired strategy.
An Irish-American priest knocking on the
United States is one of the curiosities of war.
One has just been indicted in Missouri Rev.
Michael D. Collins of Jackson, Cape Girar
dean county for seditious remarks in
speeches and conversation. The clerical
knocker is out on bail pending trial.
Trouble grows for the beneficiaries of the
big "bar'l" tapped by the fusionist in New
York mayorality campaign. Several persons
have been indicted for failing to report all
they took and what they did with it. Among
the number is William Sulzcr, former con
gressman and impeached governor. Sulzer
was one of the paid stumpers of the fusion
ists. A genial Jerseyman who was raised in
Newark and finished life's run in Omaha
used to tell his intimates how when return
ing late at night from excursions into New
York bay they had an invisible but infallible
signal of the nearness of home. A few ren
dering factories invariably hailed the excur
sionists with pungent odors, and the wearied
crowd, or part af it. broke into sons'. "Home,
Again." These unique odors still persist, ap
parently strengthened by the years, and ag
gressively driving into adjacent territory.
Residents of upper New York threaten re
prisals unless New Jersey purifies its atmosphere.
Coffee
Butter
Potatoes
Tea
Bread
Syrup
Cabbage
Stewed Peaches
SUPPER.
Apple Rice
Bread Jam
Sunday, Ftbruarv 3:
BREAKFAST.
Milk Rice
Fresh Oranges
DINNER.
Vegetable Soup
Pork Loins
Vanilla Pudding, Fruit Sauce
Cocoa Bread
SUPPER.
Sliced Cheese Stewed Apples
Bread Tea Butter
Monday, February 4:
BREAKFAST.
Grits Coffee Bread
Butter Syrup
DINNER.
Bouillon
Boston Beans with Sliced Bacon
Potatoes Bread Coffee
SUPPER.
Milk Rice Stewed Peaches
Tea Bread Jam
Wednesday, February 6:
BREAKFAST.
Grits Coffee Bread
Butter Syrup
DINNER.
Bouillon with Vegetables Roast Beef
Coffee Potatoes Bread
, SUPPER.
Chili con Carne
Tea Bread Jam
Stewed Peaches
(The above are true copies of bills ol
fare. G. L. K., in chargo of mess, March
"Chicken fricasse and hasenpfeffer are pro
spective items on future bills of fare, as some
of the men have begun to raise chickens and
rabbits. The commandant is thinkinar of cut
ting in a Belgian hare warren, and says he
could save the government nearly 50 per cent
in meat.
"The average cost of the mess in the larger
compounn, as shown by the records of the
executive omcer ior reoruary, is .3J6 per
man, which is nearly 8 cents under the
amount allowed.
"Food for the smaller, or 'millionaire.' com
pound is purchased by the executive officer
trom lunds in his "charge beloneine to the in
terned men. No limit is placed upon their
purchases, wnicn conforms to the ru e for
interned military and naval officers who also
buy their own food.
"The average cost of the 'millionaires'
mess for February as computed from the rec
ords of the executive officer was .6591, or
nearly doubte that of the mess in the larger
compound for the same period. This is
largely accounted for by the purchase of such
meats as ham and lamb, which are not
served in the larger compound mess, and by
mc purcnase or eggs, truits and more canned
goods. As the expense of the mess is borne
by the men themselves, the government has
not found warrant in restricting purchases
as long as they are considered within rea
son.
German In the Hi?b SchooL
Omaha, April 25. -To the Editor of
The Bee: We are Inclined to think
that the parents of Omaha having
children In the High school are prone
to follow the Germanic plan of sub
mitting blindly to "those in authority"
when it comes to courses of stud'. The
self-satisfied members of our Board
of Education Ignore all requests or
suggestions that the study of German
be dropped from the course of study.
They sit back and are amazed If any
one presumes that the course be
changed. "It Is so written, therefore
it must so remain." One would think
they would take pleasure in changing,
but it seems they do not.
Possibly they think there will be
no day of rerkoning, but we might re
mind them that a certain very prom
inent politician is just at the present
moment spending a lot of valuable
time and we imagine a small (?)
amount of money repairing his
fences that he himself, assisted by his
German friends, has kicked to pieces
during the past three years. Also, that
Americans today have reached the
point where they want no one In
authority over them except those who
are in favor of .a one-language
America, good old English, without
trace of Hunnism.
A personal question' to Mr. Fal
coner: You desire the support and
votes of American citizens that you
may be . elected city commissioner.
Where do you stand on the question
immediately abolishing the study of
German in the High school? For my
part, and I hlnk I know of hundreds
more of like mind, I will not vote for
any one who will not come out flat
footed against German language and
German methods in all places and at
all times.
Every one In Omaha knows of the
catchy song of the Liberty day parade
and where it consigned the kaiser. Well,
by all means send the language along
with him, and the Omaha Board of
Education, too, if It continues to up
hold the study of the hated thing
in our schools. CITIZEN.
Around the Cities
More than 2,300 workmen v in the
flour mills of Minneapolis have been
placed on eight-hour schedules, with,
the present wage for 10 hours.
Topeka has clinched a deal for the
erection of a 10-story fire proof hotel,
to cost $650,000, by the North Amer
ican Hotel company of Omaha. Work
of clearing the site, Ninth street and
Kansas avenue, has already begun.
A man astride a fence In San Fran
cisco failed to lift his hat as the flat;
went by. A patriotic cop, observing
the straddler's neglect, grabbed a leg
to pull him down. The leg, a wooden
member, gave way, carrying the cop
sprawling to the ground, while th
owner tumbled on the other side' ef
the fence. Spectators, scenting a
tragedy, hurried the leg-less one to
the hospital and the cop to a lustery.
An hour later the pair came together
in court, where the humor of the in
cident soothed hurt feelings. The leg
less one attached the missing member
to his system, jollied the cop and
merrily trekked from a smiling court.
Score one more for the saving grace
of humor.
"CANTS" AND CANS.'
I f II 1
ne Year Ago Today in the War.
'Marshal" Jpffre conferred with
United States army officers in Wash
itiKton. The taking of the first American
prisoner of war was reported to the
American embassy in London.
Thousands of cannon battered Ger
man defenses along the 100-mlle front
Otj'the French and British offensive.
The Day We Celebrate.
Fred W. Heron of the Fidelity
Mutual Life Insurance company, born
S73.
Captain Hutch I. Orne, United
States' navy, born-in Brooklyn, 47
yeare ago. . .
Brigadier General George Le Roy
trwin. born in Michigan, SI years ago.
Henry Morgenthau, former United
States ambassador to Turkey, born at
Mannheim, Germany, 63 years ago.
draund C TarbelJ, painter, born
at WestGroton, Mass., ss yeare ago.
This Day In History. ...
1607 English coionisU bound for
Virginia entered Chespeake Bay. nam
ing the Capes at its entrance Charles
and Henry, after the sons of King
lames. . '
1711 David Hume, famous his
torian and political economist, born at
Rdinburg. Died there, August 25,
177. -
1865 Confederate Memorial - day
Brst observed, on the suggestion of
Mrs. Mary A Williams of Columbus,
G
J ust SO Years Ago Today
Miss Mary Sexton, one of Cleve
land's prominent women suffragists, is
a guest of Charles Singer,
County Superintendent Bruner's re
portof the increase in school popula-
uon ror the year ending shows that
there are 3,718 more school children
in Douglas county than one year ago.
Dr. Conkllng and wife have re
turned after a visit of about three
months to Florida and other southern
points.
K. E. Palmer, for a number of
years connected with the passenger
department: of the Chicago, Burling
ton & Qulncy and B. & M. railroads,
naa been appointed city passenger
?g!n.t,5n the Chicago, Rock Island
& Pacific railway.
The students of Miss Lizzie Isaacs
gave their first musical at Meyer's
music hall which was attended by a
very large audience.
Tom and E. Croft arrived from
England, where they have spent four
months visiting their brother and
friend"
Right to the Point
Minneapolis Journal: Honey at SS
cents shows that the bee has detected
the European crisis, too.
Washington Post: The average
married man is not so much sur
prised at Solomon's wise sayings vas
at the fact he got an opportunity to
say 'em.
Minneapolis Tribune: Kaiser Karl
of Austria has sprung a new mother-in-law
Joke. He blames the letter to
Prince Sixtus on the Duchess of
Parma, mother of Empress Zlta,
New York, Herald: Another bit of
action that conpr.-ess should substi
tute for useless talk is that which
would insure the early passage of a
law depriving aliens of votes in the
election of fed.ral officials.
Baltimore American: They
Round About the State
Beatrice Express: The special ses
sion of the legislature has finally com
pleted the business before it and ad
journed. For which fact Nebraskans
will feel duly and heartfully grateful,
A real chesty feeling with the goods
to back it pervades the live ones of
Franklin. A $50,000 new hotel is near
ly ready for business. That's the style
of front warranted to impress the vis
itor and tickle the home folks.
Wayne Herald halls the repeal of
the Mockett law as an effective
means of "knocking the props from
under the plans for building up
foreign languages in the Unite!
States." The awakening glimpses a
future blessing.
West Pointers, appear doubtful of
snau drive Just now, owing to the high
not pass! shout tho French. Eat 'em cost of 4abor and material. "How-
up! yell the Americans. If our allies
will hold the Germans we shall pres
ently proceed to do that very thing
to the world's enemy.
Minneapolis Journal: A new Non
partisan league button bears the slo
gan, "We'll Stick." It is a good slogan
but ambiguous, leaving some doubt as
to whether it refers to "sticking" the
farmer for $16. 'or to La Follette's
speech sticking a knife in the back of
me American soldier.
New York World: To a Hohenzol-
lern emperor to whom a solemn treaty
of Germany was a mere scrap of pa
per, the repudiation by a Hapsburr
emperor of a letter beaYing his per
sonal signature can hardly be a seri
ous onense. What is truth between
kaisers?
ever.," observes the Republican,
"there is much preliminary work be
fore actual paving can be commenced,
and now is the time to do the pre
liminary work."
Classified.
The son of a rich father decided
that he ought to enlist, and went to
the recruiting station. He was asked
his occupation. '
"Why-er-well, Just running through
the guv'nor's money, don't you know,"
was the reply.
The officer seemed in doubt how to
classify him, when a corporal stand
ing near came to his assistance with
a brilliant suggestion.
"Put him down as a brass finisher
sir," he aald. Boston Transcript.
Twice Told Tales
His Nearest Living.
A southerner in one of the canton
ments Delow the Mason and Dixon
line, when called up for examination,
aa asKea:
"What is your nearest living rela-
"What you mean, 'relative, mister?
returned the recruit.
Oh. I mean your nearest living
kinsfolk."
"Wal, that's my aunt you're talking
Several other questions were an
swered satisfactorily when there
came:
"In case of rlpath nr nMtnt. who
shall be notified?"
My mother." Immtitlttalv from
the .selectman.
But you told me 1nt a few min
utes ago that vour mint wan the near
est living relative that you have," ob
jected the officer.
"You asked me who my nearest liv
ing kin was, didn't you? Wal, that's
Aunt Liz-tshe llvM lent two miles
from where I been livin'; mother lives
-uinneaDous xrioune.
Shrewd Voters.
"Are you feellnc the nulse of nubile
opinion out your way?" "Not now."
replied Senator Sorehum. "I'm going
according to my own honest convic
tions, i nave a nrettv wise constitu
ency. They know that when a man
makes a show of fpolin? the public
pulse he is in reality looking out for
his own political health." Washing
ton Star.
Where to Apply for Service.
Scottsbiufr. Neb., April 23. To the
Editor of The Bee: I want to get into
the overseas services. I am past the
draft age, being Zo years of age, so
would content myself with any of
the other branches, so long as I get
there.
Would take up Red Cross ambu
lance work or auto driving of any
kind or any other work that my
limited ability would permit.
I have been m the real estate work
since leaving school and my qualifica
tions would be limited to a few
branches.
Will you kindly advise me where
an'l how I could make application for
such services. Yours very respectfully,
J. RAY XANE.
Answer Make application to the
United States Public Service reserve,
171Z Eye street, Washington, 13. C.
I can not bo to France and help
Our allies hold their wall of bras:
I could not throw a hand grenade
Or wield a bayonet, alas!
I'm but a woman, none too atronr.
I could not even be a nurae.
But I can help our Sammies fight
With my small purse.
I can not buy an acre lot
And plow It up and plant and hoa;
My muscles are not strong enough
They were aome 20 years ago;
But I can hustle at my job
And use my brain and aava my tin,
And buy a . bond to help our boys
To chase the Huns back to Berlin.
I haven't thousands to. Invest
For Liberty In this here loan,
Or even hundreds can I raise
Scant are the hundreds that I own.
But of those hundreds I can give
t'ntll my purse Is Jean and flat.
For Uncle Sammy's needs are mine
And yours, my friends, take not o
that
Omaha. BATOLL NE TRELB.
How Would You Like to Bo Jones?
Niobrara, Neb., April 24. To the
Editor of The Bee: You bought a
couple of Liberty bonds, drew down
your hard earned hoard. Two Is yur
limit as living is now the most that
you can afford, but you have your job
and your home and all. Jones has
gone over. He answered the call. How
would you like to be a Jones?
Jones has gone over to battle for
you for you, for your home and your
wife. He ia doing the most that a man
can do, giving himself to the strife.
He's gone where the bullets and
shrapnel fly. He doesn't know wheth
er he'll live or die. How would you
like to be a Jones?
Jones could afford to take chances
like that. Life is his limit, no less. You
stay at home and buy Liberty bonds,
only two bonds, you confess. Suppose
Jones is killed while fighting for you.
Friends, are you sure that your limit
is two? How would you like to be a
Jones? VICTOR IIALVA.
GRINS AND GROANS.
I Ursula ieiriorm
t.- V CONCERT PIANIST V U
,7-iJ .
"What Is the matter?"
"PlunUville Is awful dry."
"You voted for a dry town."
"I thought It would be only moderately
dry. But It's a Sahara desert, by gosh."
Louisville Courier-Journal.
She Anything that is worth winning Is
worth working for.
He Yes, but the question It, will your
father loosen vp, or will I have to keep on
working for you after I've won you?" Boa-
ton Transcript
"That husband of yours will fight at the
drop of the hat, I hear."
well, rather at the bringing up of a hat.
When I mentioned the subject to him yes
terday he got mad enough to fight."
Florida Times-Union. 1
The Apollo
Reproducing Piano Is Now
Being Exploited by
Ursula Dietrich
AT
A. HOSPE CO.'S
Special Apollo
Warerooms
Recently fitted up for this pur
pose at their Piano Parlors,
1513 Douglas street.
A. Hospe Co.
1513-15 Douglas St.
"I wish. Charlea was not so generous
to his family."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, he spends a lot of moneyvft well
I can find out. or) some ante or other.
and when I missed his watch and asked him
where it waa, he aald bis uncle had It."
Baltimore American.
LetCuticuraBe
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All drnggltta: Soap B, Otti talent ft R, Takoia tt.
Sampit each free or "Cotltva, Dtpt. E, Bettoa."
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