A
The Omaha Bee
DAILY (MORNINO-EVENING SUNDAY
FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSEWATER
VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR
THE BEB PPBLMHWO COMPANY, PROPRIETOR.
Entered at Omaha pogtofflc econd-elas wntttf.
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CORRESPONDENCE
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Omaba Baa. Kdltorlsl DapaftiMBt
i MARCH CIRCULATION
54,454 Daily Sunday, 50,477
averts orculsnon rot the axmtai subscribed and swora la br Dwtgbl
Williams. CUculaUoa Manual
Subscriber. Uarlni tha lty ab.uld hara Tha Baa raalM
ta than. Addraes changed aa often aa ranuaatad.
, Too many Russian coolcl threaten to spill
democracy's beans.
The (arnout Hindenburj line (hows about as
much resilliency as a punctured tire.
The request for a $25,000,000 appropriation for
a food survey visions a cheerful outlook for the
agricultural pie counter.
If the kaiser is uncertain -where the iron
crosses belong hereabouts, probably Colonel Met
calfe would cheerfully supply the information. y
Alternate rifts of sunshine and gloom radiate
from Washington to Sagamore Hill, suggesting
the propriety of renaming the Potomac the River
of Doubt.
In addition to local expert advice on increas
ing the supply of hogs, requisitions on the ex
perience of congressional pork committees would
help some. j
Experts advise pushing building projects with
all the vigor of peace prosperity. Delay means
loss of time, with little prospect of offset in low
ered material prices. "Full steam ahead" is the
true motto for enterprise at all times.
(
Signs of the timet visible 'at several cross
roads remind patriots In active service that girls
will hold down their jobs during absence. This
fact, if nothing more,, lends a realistic touch to
the going-away song: "The Girl I Left Behind
Me! -
' Nebraska automobile licenses issued In four
months past number 112,700. On the basis of the
census estimate of population in June', 1915, this
meant one power car for every eleven persons, a
ratio surpassed by only two states California
and Iowa.
: Politicians and platform makers, who, in years
past, monopolized the art of "viewing with
alarm," are hopelessly outclassed nowaday!.
Every man pulsing with a message seems to think
patriotism calls for tlie delivery of a scare. Cheer
up and forget it. . . s y
. Financiers of German plots in this country
- showed themselves to have been amazingly easy
victims for con men. If Phineas Barnum were
alive, no doubt he would stretch his celebrated
census to cover the inrush of alien suckert in the
last two years. ' . '
In a recent speech at .Breslau, Dr. Dernburg,
of unhappy memory, Interpreted the tignt of the
times in these words: '"The new Germany ia
here and requires itt house. Let ut build It. - Do
not let ut delay." Wonder if the doctor can nego
tiate a building permit?-.'
An eastern railroad company, which 'holds a
aeat in the council! of anthracite barons, recently
passed wage raise to the miners and took occa
sion to applaud itt generosity. Now the raise
toboggana to the consumer while the barons
' -chuckle about the ease of putting things over.
Urgent appeals for table economy carry a
message of gloom to fat men.. There it serious
usnger inai tne puouc win need mem, sn mat
event, the swell front, long esteemed a symbot of
- (astronomic dignity and power, will lose social
standing and tag the bearer at a patriot for grub
only. Safety lies in working off the fat.
Advertising Lowers
Selling Cost
By Clinton L. Oliver
Who la to Blame for Shortage?
Farmers and stock raisers are being scolded
and lectured because of the shortage in meat sup
ply, much of it due to the sale of young animals.
The condition is not novel, for it has been called
to public attention by the newspapers of the
country time after time for the last ten years or
longer. Nor is the farmer alone to blame. In
the same issue of The Bee that carried a warning
note fromWasliington and a plea for the protec
tion of future supply by preservation of the young
animals now was printed a note from the market
to the effect that "fed lambs" had sold for the
record price of $17.40 per hundredweight. This
ought to give a clue as ko where some of the
blame for shortage in meat' supply should rest.
A tender morsel, indeed, is the chop from a well
fed Iamb, and one that only the wealthy can have
at the price of $17.40 for the animal-on the hoof.
And in that lamb is sacrificed its progeny for
ever; What is true of Iamb extends to beef, pork,
poultry, every form of flesh food. The young
and immature animals have been sold largely be
cause gourmands were willing to pay extravagant
prices for the tidbits thus afforded. Farmers are
but human, and it is putting a pretty stiff pressure
on their patriotism to ask them to carry an animal
on high-priced feed to maturity and then sell it
for less than it would bring as a "baby." So long
at "Lucullus dinet with Lucullus" this danger will
threaten. Caterer! can help a lot by removing
from their bills of fare the viands that are ob
tainable only at risk of a nation's food sources.
Send the Boys to the Country. ,
High sjchool boy's can be of great service in
the fields throughout the summer vacation. Their
assistance in the production of food crops, how
ever, will not be the greatest benefit to flow frotji
tuch expedience. The average boy in the city has
no opportunity to learn a lot of things if would
be good for liim to know. Six weeks on a farm
will give him, a grasp on some knowledge of
fundamentals that will serve him well, no matter
where he may be put . later. The country boy has
decided advantage in this regard, for he spends
some time in the cityxeach year and gets first
hand, knowledge of life outside his routine. The
city boy . seldom hat chance to gather inside
information about things as they grow, and a
vacation spent on the farm will broaden his out
look as well as blister his hands and tan his
cheeks. Surfburn endured in the harvest field is
so more serious than when accumulated at the
swimming hole or on the tennis court, while a
closer mutual acquaintance between the city and
the country will be mutually beneficial.
Germans Not Deceiving Themselves.
Excerpts from German newspaper editorials,
allowed to past by the censor, might fool the
unwary, but the Germans are not given to deceiv
ing themselves. The Prussian' war machine leaves
nothing to chance and makes no allowance for
mistakes. Americans may depend upon it that
the kaiser'a war council knows exactly what the
United States it capable of doing in connection
with the war. It is not credible that the possibili
ties of our ultimate full participation as a belliger
ent have not had the closest of critical considera
tion by the great war lords of Germany. Since
the collapse of the Dernberg campaign in 1914
Berlin has been well aware of what might hap
pen, and it is equally certain that the resources of
the United States in every particular are com
pletely tabulated in the archives there, there
fore we may feel assured that the bombastic ut
terances of army-controlled newspapers do not
represent the actual aentiments of the real leaders
of German destiny. Whatever else may be said
of the Prussian machine, it is directed by cool
intellects, whose calculations (have the support of
accurate knowledge of all material and most of
the psychological conditiona affecting its problem.
Appreciation of this will help us in our own prep-
' The universal hardship of the present day it
the rising cost 6f living. So many and so great
have been these rises that few people stop to rea-
lize that there have been any exceptions to the
( general rule. Whatever exceptions there have
been they all belong to the class represented by
advertised and trade-marked goods. ,
The old idea that the cost of advertising raises
nr!ie Aimm barrl tlitr thj mnrlprn hninfa man
knows better. Selling goodt is costly business
- no matter what the goods or wnat tne telling
methods. But anything that createademand on
a large scale makes selling easier and therefore ia
bound to reduce the cost and make possible keep.
ing down the price.
Evidence is better than argument; facts are
" better than theories and here are a few of the
things that can be pointed to to prove that adver-
using nas ana win reauce-tne price oi aa arutic
A earner manufacturer made a camera twenty
eight years ago that took a 2 14 -inch picture and
sold for $25 today he makes a better camera for
$10, and he did it by advertising
When the manufacturer of a famous breakfast
food began advertising, his goods sold for 15
cents a package. Today the "package is 50 per
cent larger and sells for 10 cents. Advertising did
that. ;
Twentv vears aco a nationally advertised snav-
, ing stick was sold in a cheap leatherette covered
box. Today a stick containing 20 per cent more
soap is sold bt the .same price in a handsome
nickel box.
Then consider the case of the automobile
best advertised product ot them all and compare
the $7,000 and $10,000 car of ten years ago with
equally good cart of today eelling for a fraction
ot tne money.
Advertising that has created demand on
" larger Kale has always permitted better quality
. or greater quantity at the same price or a lower
price for the same article and all of this in the
face of a steady advance in cqat of labor and raw
materials. . . ,..-.
"A triumph of economical marketing" is the
only possible verdict in tne lace oi inese tacts.
ationt.
' Health Board Hampered by Neglect.
Public health in Nebraska will in some degree
be jeopardized by the neglect of the legislature.
In the haste and confusion that attended the
passage of the' appropriation bills some impor
tant items were Overlooked and among them one
that, means much to the heatth board. When the
Fox bill for reorganizing the health department
of the state government was up it met with con-
J 1-1 - I I . , . r
aiucrautc uppuaiuim, occauac it icgisiaiea out oi
office some doctors who had held-on for years.
The bill had such support, however, aa prevented
its being sidetracked, but an examination of the
records of. the legislature now shows the new
lavV will be limited in its operation .because of
the failure of the legislature to make provision
to pay one of the executive officers provided for.
The epidemiologist, who wilbe in control when
epidemic threatens, will get hiswages, but the
bacteriologist, on whose work all the other opera
tions of the board depend, is left put and must
eerve without pay unless the governor can find
a way to compensate him. This is one of the most
aggravating of a number of blunders and errors
in the record ao far brought to light anti is also,
one likely to have importanfffect on the state.
Too much "watchfulness" along certain lines and
not enough of care given to the real work of the
sessions is a charge that is being proven against
the legislators.
Single Men Enough for Army.
Should the federal authorities finally deter
mine to form Lthe first line army of unmarried
men, enbugh of these may be found to more than
fill the requirements. Announcement is made that
the first call under the selective draft content
plates the' registration of seven million men of
military age. This figure falls well below the
total of unmarried men of military age returned
by the censua of 1910, which gave 7,226,620 single
men between the ages of 20 and 44. Of these
3,432,161 were 20 to 24, 2,767,975 were from 25
to 34 aneT 1,026,502 from 35 to 44. If the young
men between1 18 and 20 be added the total will
be brought up to over ten million. Thus it is
easily possiblethat tha first army of a million men
be formed from the ranks of the celibates. It is
not required that men of family be discriminated
against on that account nor ia it likely they will
be, but the need for their taking up the. burden
of active army life at the very outset is-not so
urgent that the service of the country would seri
ously suffer were the first forces sent out to be
composed entirely of bachelors. This fact is
likely to be considered by the authorities in tnak
ing up the muster rolls and there will be plenty of
work and plenty of time, too, for the married
men, who need not feel slighted if they should be
left at home on the first call.
Hats off to Valley Center, Kan., the inanlcss
Eden of municipal jobs. The bounced male lords
have one solace left the recruiting office.
Mobilize Your Machine
By Frederic J. Haskin , "
Washington. May 4. How can I use my auto
mobile in the service of my country?
.That is a question which interests almost
every owner of a machine in America. Already
a census is being taken of automobiles and their
nwnera. ao that when tHrce are needed the firov-
ernment can obtain them with the least possible I
aeiay. mere arc over j.uuif.uuu auios in tne coun
try, according to Howard E. Coffin. This is cer
tainly a tremendouaj transportation force. And its
value is increased bv the fact that al very lartro
part of these cars are owned for pleasure, and so
are not essential to our present industrial organ
ization. Furthermore, ownership of an automo
bile is usually an indication of intelligence and
possession of a certain amount of property. We
have then certainly over 1,000,000 cars, serving
no essential purpose except the amusement of
their owners; these Owners are men and women
of better than average ability who can afford to
devote time and money to the service of their
country; and it may be safely assumed that a
large percentage of them ould like to render
that service.
Not long ago a oractica firmer and an editor
in a certain town were discussing the food prob
lem and evolved a plan which will probably be
put into operation, but has not yet been tried. It
is offered here merely as a 'Suggestion 'for what
ever it may be worth. The plan discussed was to
save as much 'as possible of the food which
would otherwise be wasted on the farms, form
ing a volunteer organization of automobilists to
go about and gather it up. Inasmuch as both the
food and automobiles are undoubtedlv available
in most sectioni of the country, the plan should 1
De workable, but there are various practical dif-
ncuittet wnicn win be outlined here, and ways pt
obviating them euggested. y L
The food supply gathered in this way would
consist chiefly of the surplus production, of
fruits and vegetables uoon farms and suburban
places. This surplus production, which is gener
ally either wasted or fed to stock, is much trreater
than most persods realize. It is due to the simple'
ana incviiauie circumstances mat no larmer can
accurately predict how much of a given truck or
fruit crop his garden or orchard will yield in a
given year. For example, the farmer who was
consulted with regard to this plan, said that sev
eral tons of good food were wasted upon his
place every year, - because he produced more
than he could use in fruits and vegetables, but
seldom had enough at one time to make it prof
itable to haul the stuff to market Thus in a good
year for tomatoes, six vines wilt supply his fam
ily with all the tomatoes he can use but fn a bad
year'for tomatoes sixty vines would hardly yield
enough. He plants about forty vines and if the
crop.is heavy a latge proportion of it is allowed
to rot on the ground. In the same way last
year alt of the watermelon vines he planted did
not give him two really good melons, but thie
year he may feed watermelons to his hogs. Every
small mixed orchard in the country represents
tons oi waste, it it is a good year tor peaches,
then peaches are wasted, while apples may be
scarce, and the next vear-the order mav be
reversed. " .
Most of the farmers would he clad to civ
away what would be otherwise wasted, provided
someone else harvested the crops, or to harvest
them himself and sell them for a nominal figure.
One plan suggested was that cards should be sent
to all farmers and suburban gardeners asking
them to list what they had thatwould otherwise
be wasted, and which they would be willing to
donate . for charitable purposes. Automobiles
could then gather these supplies a'nd turn them
over to hospitals and other institutions. Any
Rotary or automobile .club would serve as a
nucleus for the motor'organization.
J. his plan might work in some neighborhoods,
but would have certain riifnriilH Th rhincr
'could undoubtedly be carried out on larger
scale it tne tarmers were paid a price sufficient
to give them a reasonable nrofit on the time
spent in cultivating and gathering the crops. It
would operate to reduce prices in the open mar
ket, but would protect the market gardener and
grocer from the unfair competition of a free dis
tribution ot toods.
Admittedly this olan renuirea much elabora
tion, and would have to be varied to meet various
local conditions. But anyone who can work it
out in a practicable mannerwill have rendered
a real patriotic service and successful methods
will be published jo that others may profit by
them. ,
W astes Conquerjrr
-Mhwoapolla Jaurnal-
"A penny saved is two nence clear." said
Benjamin Franklin in his "Necessary Hints to
Those That Would Be Rich."
This bottom principle, of thrift has a direct
application in these days to the supreme question
of food conservation. An ounce of food saved is
two ounces clear.
Perception of what the world shortage in food
may mean to each individual of us, is just begin
ning to come home to the American people. ' The
economists with their wide view of the situation
have been preaching to deaf ears, and it needed
the awakening clarion of war itself to make us
listen. .
Expedients for fending hardshin from our-
selves and disaster from our allies all fall into
two classes those for increasing our food pro,
duction. and those foa making the food we have
go farther by eliminating all waste. Each is of
vital importance, but the second is a thing that
is within, the reach ot every individual, and is
therefore susceptible ofNbringing about tremen
dous results in the aggregate. x
In the main the nrohlem of nrodiirinc more
food from the soil is a masculine iob: while the
problem of cutting out waste of food is a feminine
task.
In the average urban household the man is the
earner, the woman the buyer; the man is the pro
vider, the woman is the purveyor; the man fur
nishes the income, the woman lays out the share
of it allotted to maintenance of 'the household.
It is the housewife, then, that Is best situated
to study the outgo and to banish waste therefrom.
T t. 1 : ,-';. . . l .
uci uuuiK one may exiiimt rare wisdom, or
the reverse. In her utilization of what she buys
she may show prudent 'thrift, or permit the
garbage can tq .absorb an undue percentage of
usable food.
On the women of America. t1iirfnr falte tlm
important and patriotic task of makiner the rnnn-
try's food supplies go farther And do more thai
ima uccn mcir won i, in cms waste. in una.
,Pedple and Events
An indiscreet member of the Quaker fraternity
attempted to tpring a pacifist speech in a Phila
delphia theater where federal marines and tailors
were assembled. He did not get very far with
his disloyal remarks and was saved from physical
injury by an involuntary exit. Safety in war time
emphasizes the famihar motto: "If you can't
boost, don t knock! -' ,
The story of the San Franciscb girl who seeks
divorce because her husband concealed his
wooden leg during their courting davs is still
going the rounds, tvoking cruel jeers from mas
culine scoffers. Really the deceived one deserves
symnathv with a heart in it. The ranire of vision
in courting times, under ordinary conditions, is
exceeding narrow, according to experts. In San
Francisco, where fogs bloom luxuriantly, the area
of low visibility doesn't afford a ghost of a chance
of glimpsing a wooden leg. The awakening is
cause tor tears, not jeers. Have a heart, breth
rent .
r aaBfaanaaxr-faBBE- TTTtTT"
Proverb For the Day.
Artists are born, not made.
One Year Ago Today In the War.
Germans launched new great of
fenHive ut -Verdun. .
Allied transport with 600 Russians
reported sunk.
CnuntpHs Markievirz sentenced to
death fur part In Irish revolt, but
sentence commuted ty life' imprison
ment. .
III Oninlitt Thirty Years Ago. '
The wages of the plumbers the
city have been raised by the Master
Plumbers' aaaociatlon of Omaha,
about 10 per cent.
The following took part In the pro
gram, of the Literary and Scientific
club: ' Chailrs F. Kempfer, Prof.
French, 1,. lr. Baer, Fred Nye, Hon.
John J. Points, Judge Loulu Berka,
Julius 8. pooley and K. D. A. Wade,
Lifeboat Lodge No. 150, Independ
ent Order of Good Templars installed
new officers for the ensuing term as
follows: Chief templar, J. M. Lowe;
vice templar, Kiss Kmma Keatly; re
cording secretary, T. B. Barnes; as
sistant secretary, Bert C. Miner; fi
nancial secretary. Miss Kate DeBolt;
treasurer, Thomas Golden; chaplain,
Mrs. E. A. Miner: marshal. Theodore
Cramer; deputy marshal, Miss Anna
rry; it. B miss Kdlth p. Miner; L.
8., Miss Nettie Kulp; guard, Byron
Davis, and sentinel, Bert Pratt
The plats for the now Swift pack
ing house to be located in South
Omaha, are nearly completed. It will
have a capacity for handling 1,000 cat
tle per day, besides hogs and sheep.
Max Meyer & Co., have Just Intro
duced a, new brand of cigars,- which
promises to be very popular if kept
up to the standard of the first install
ment. On the inside of the Wx cover
are very fine likenesses of Senators
Manderkon and Paddock.
William KnapD and Miss Ellie
Smith were married by Judge McCul
loch at the countyicourt.
It has been decided that the first
three stories of the ten-story building
of the New York Life Insurance com
pany, will -be dressed stone and the
others of brick, the building to be
completed within a year, v
This Day In History.
1774 Commodore William Bain-
bridge, who is the father of naval in
struction In the United States, born at
Princeton, N. J. Died In Philadelphia,
July 28, 1833.
1784 congress established a com
bined corps of engineers and artillery,
with a military school for cadets.
1840 A tornado visited Natchez.
Miss., killing 317 persons and destroy
ing $1,500,000 of property.
mt7 conference or the powers
met in London to settle the Luxem
burg question, which threatened to in
volve Europe in a general war.
1872 Salmon P. Chase, chief
Justice of the supreme court of the
United States, died in New York City.
Born at Cornish, N. H., January 13,
08. .
1885 James Russell Lowell, the
American minister, unveiled a bust of
the poet Coleridge in Westminster.!
Abbey.
191oi steamship Lusitanla sunk off
south coast of Ireland by German sub
marine witn loss ot nearly l.zoo lives,
Including more than 100 Americans.
The Bay We Celebrate. i , '
Axel H. Anderson, an Omaha im
porter of Danish books, was born in
Copenhagen, Denmark, May 7, 1877.
iie is Identified with the Danish
Brotherhood and is secretary of one of
the local organizations.
Earl of Rosebery, former prime
minister of Great Britain, born in
London, seventy years ago today.
, William J. Stone of Missouri, chair
man of the senate foreign relations
committee, born in Madison county,
Kentucky, sixty-nine years ago today.
Charles Lathrop Pack, the new
president of the World's Court league
and also head of the National Food
Emergency Garden commission, born
at Lexington, Mich., sixty years ago
today.
William A. MacCorkle, former gov
ernor of West Virginia, born at Lex
ington, Va., sixty years ago today.
Joseph G. Cannon, veteran Illinois-!
congressman and former speaker of
the house, born at Gulford, N. C
eighty-one years ago today.
George Wiley, noted bicycle race
rider, born at Little Falls. N. Y..
hirty-twj years agcutoday.
Timet' Jottings and Reminders.
The International " Kindegarten
union, one of the largest educational
bodies in the world, begins its twenty
fourth annual convention today in
Boston.
Hearings on the general increase in
freight rates are to begin today before
the Interstate-Commerce commission
in Washington.
Delegates from many cities of the
United States and Canada ar to
gather today at. Richmond, Va., for
the annual convention of the Ameri
can Waterworks association.
Pursuant to a proclamation of the
governor, Indiana is to observe today
as "LaFayette Day," in honor of the
memory of the famous French soldier
and friend of America.
Important civic problems are to be
discussed at the national conference
on city planning, whichjs to begin its
sessions today at Kansjs City. .
A notable society wedding, will take
place at Prides' Crossing, Mass., today,
when Miss Mary Katherlne Ayer,
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Frederick
Ayer, is to be -married to Mr. Keith
Merrill of Minneapolis. '
The annual convention and exhibi
tion of the National Association of
Hosiery and Underwear Manufactur
ers will be opened In Philadelphia to
day and continued through the greater
part X the week.
The Harvard University Reserve
Officers' Training corpse's to start in
tensive training today, with a sched
ule of eight hours dally of drill and
trench work and lectures each evening.
Storyctte of the Day.
un
vice
pain
at
The clergyman was engaged In that
iprontaoio wuuuauui, . e"N,
... . LL. h.H 4t
e lo me wuiiibh nv
nted her husband in very dark
"Suppose you were to try to .heap
coals of fire upon his headf'he sug
gested. ""
" 'TwouldnT do no good, she re
turned. "I've thrown a lighted lamp
him several times nut ne was jum
bad next day." Boston Transcript
A supervising principal recently was
testing some children In reading and,
in-order to know whether they inter
preted correctly, asked the mean ng
of different words. One word which
i a jijm..i., a a 'Vhrtatenea.
When asked, none could tell Its mean-
In order to leaa up 10 no u
u- askH: "Well, what
, M huWi hnrn?
1 iney uu wiim ...... j . -- -
One urchin, whose homo must have
had a recent visit Lrmn
popped up and said! 'They weigh it.
Indianapolis News. .
ing.
ing
do
Patriotism in Poetry
We'll Just' Keep Sailing On.
(Air, Battle Hymn of the Ropublic.)
The Kaiser said to Uncle Sam,, ''Dear
sir, get off the seas,
For if you don't my submarines will
bring you to your knees."
"Just guess again," said Uncle Sam,
"my friend, for if you please,
We'll Just keep sailing on." .
CHORUS: ' -
Glory, glory, hallelujah; glory, glory,
hallelujah; glory, glory, halle
i lujatf, we'll Just keep sailing on.
Your Uncle Samuel is a man that's
very hard to bluff;
Though well along in years they'll
find that he Is mighty tough,
And when he mixes In a scrap he
never cries "enough,
But Just keeps sailing on.
In
'HI and '98 he showed what he
could do;
He never undertakes a thing but
what he puts it through; -He
alwayB shows his colors, they are
Red and White and Blue,
And just keeps sailing on.
We're mighty proud of Uncle Sam,
we know he's on the square, i
And if the Kaiser starts a scrap, why
TJncle doesn't care,
For when the smoke has cleared away,
our flag will still be there,
And we'll be sailing on.
CHORUS:
Glory, glory, hallelujah; glory, glory,
hallelujah; glory, glory, halle
lujah, we'll just keep sailing on.
C. G. REYNOLDS.
Qriswold, la.
"The Kolier and the Crown Prince."
"You are old, Kaiser Wllhelm," the
Cretan Prince said,
"And your hair Is becoming quite
white.
And yet you repeat aa you stand on
your head, '
That the French have no stomach to
fight."
"Standing thus," Kaiser Wilhelm re--plied
with a frown,
"Things appear in their proper per
spective, The French as I see them are all upside-down
(
And that is my only objective."
"You are-old," said his son. "yet you
manage somehow '
To run things quite at your ease,
iast montn in tne east you were gass
ing and now
You submarine ships on the seas."
"I will tell,' said the kaiser, "a secret
to you,
Phave proved it again and again,
In this war the safest and best thing
to do
Is to claim that your foe is to blame."
"You are old,'" said' the prince, "and
, of course, you're my dad.
And as iuch I am bound to obey you.
But this failure at Arras makes me
feel bad
And I wonder it doesn't dismay you."
"I am tired of your talk," Kaiser Wil
helm exclaimed,
"You're inclinetfto be Just a bit
cranky;
Get out! When you'v. captured the
place you have named
I will send you to tackle the Yankees."
SAM L. MORRIS.
2001 N. Fiftieth Street,
Trullr-of History.
Somewhere In Nebraska, April J".
To the Kdltor of The Bee: "De
mortuis nil, nisi bonum," literally:
concerning the dead nothing, unless
good; idiomatically: speak only good
of the dead. That Is to say,' History
should be falsified for the benefit of
Jeffrevs and Judas lsiariot.
Francis Joseph Hupsburg was born
at Vienna,-' Austria, August 18. 1830,
the eldest son of Archduke Francis,
Iff 1848 his uncle, Kerdimmd I, abdi
cated and his futher relinquished his
right to the throne. The boy of 18
became emperor of Austria and king
of Hungary. Un his coronation speech
at Buda Pesth, he attempted to speak
In Hungarian and made a coars blun
der, unfit to put on paper. The effect
of 'this mistake was to Intensify the
rebellion of the Huns., They were dls
gutedat a prince bo Ignorant of tho
language of a people he expected to
govern. This mistake was doubtless
a lessoHr for Francis Joseph died tho
best linguist of any crowned head of
Europe. He could speak every lan
guage and'evcry dialect of his poly
glot empire, Every Wednesday was
given to hearing the complaints of
any of his subjects.- People could
register ahead; and when the turn
came, the emperor would listen while
Frau-Hans Schmidt told how Peterkln
Altstein's hens damaged her garden.
His majesty would listen with appar
ent Intensity; would give her some
advice which a drayman could have
given and hand her a piece of money
small to him, but large to her; and the
poor woman would depart to tell 100
other women of the Interview to which
she had looked forward and would
thereafter recall as the event of her
life. Thus his majesty kept the peo
ple of his misgoverned realm effec
tively doped. i
But the earth never groaned under
a more thorough scoundrel. Until ad
vancing years made chastity a physi
cal necessity, Francis Joseph's lechery
was a stench In tlie nostrils of decency.
A book might be written- entitled:
"The Harlots of History." There we
kwould find the names of Helen, Cleo
patra, Phryne, Messalina, Catherine 11,
Pompadour the French wonnn who
gave her name to the peculiar method
of dressing the hair and Frau
Schratt. There can be no doubt of
the nature of the relations between
Francis Joseph and this woman. She
was- the daughter of a merchant of
Vienna. She became an actress. It
is the old story and need not be re
lated. She had a husband; Francis
Joseph had a wife. Frau Schratt was
the emperor's kitchen cabinet sole. In
his dotage he leaned on her as Louis
XV leaned on Pompadour. Frau
Schratt hated Serbia because Serbians
had killed her brother; and stimulated
what I shall describe in my next letter.
DKR HEIDE.
GRINS AND GROANS.
, Dewey Day and Toda'y.
In eighteen hundred jilnety-eight
And on the first of May
Dewey with hirgallant fleet .
Sailed down Manila Bay.
He halted not for mines or bombs
There at the dawn of day
Beneath the shelter of our flag,
He opened up the fray. '
As he megaphoned to Grldley:
When you're ready blaze away.
Then they turned loose their dogs of
war
And quickly won the day.
And now again the die is cast,
And we are in the fight
To claim our right) upon the seas,
For Justice, -truth and right ,
And may some leaders, heaven sent,
Some Dewey, Grant or Lee,
Be found to lead our armies on,
And those that sail the sea.
Till all the people east or west
Of high or low degree
Will know the Stars and Stripes still
stands
For law and liberty.
Then every race of men on earth
Oppressed by Turk or Hun,
Will see aloft the Star of Hope
i Placed there by Washington.
I H. O. MORSE.
Rushville, Neb.
HERE AND THERE.
The laat battle of the revolution wai
fought near Charleston, S. C, on August 27,
1782.
, The Order of the Iron Croia was Instituted
br King Frederick William of Prussia In the
year 1812. v ,
Tha first declaration of war in America
was-madt, by Boston against the Dutch col
onists in the year 1672.
The flrst American man-of-war was built
at Portsmouth. N. H., in 1781, under the su
perintended? of John Paul Jones.
The union flag was flrst unfurled in the
oamp of the Continental army at Cambridge,
Mass., on New Year's day of 177S. i
Tha flrst fortification In New York or
vicinity waa built by the Dutah on the south
em extremity of Manhattan Island in 1614.
It ia estimated that the steel aeed in mak
ing sheila for the present war would be more
than sufficient to construct all the big steel
framed buildings in the United States.
.On of tha important functions of the Bu
reau of Navigation of the United Statee navy
le to supply all of the vessels of war with
maps,' charts, chronometers, barometers,
flags, ,si(fial-llghts, etc.
The flrst American forts to use casemates
were Caatle Williams and the sister forts
built in 1807 to guard the sea cntranc to
New York.
After the South African war the British
government contracted for forty miles of
ribbon for tha South African war medals.
Based on these figures it is aafe to say that
aeveral hundred miles of ribbon will be re
quired for the British troops at the end of
the preaant appalling struggle,
The flrst permanent coast defensea In the
United States were designed and eonstructed
by General Joseph Gilbert Tottena native
of New Haven, who aerved for many years
as chief engineer of the United States army.
Tb artificial arm devised for the soldiers
maimed in the European war is a miracle of
mechanism. With it a man can carry a cane
or umbrella or hold a book. He can use
knife and fork quite dexterously, write a
legible hand, hold a Us ball bat or a bil
liard cue, a hammer or an as, and pick up a
pin.
"Postal rates between the I'tiitpd SlHlep
"I'll say thict you have a hoat of f .'lends "
"But I don't know that 1 really have s
host of friends."
"Have you two real friends In the world T"
"Tea." '
"That's a host." Louisville Cnurter
Journal. She Why do you' want me to keep qui. t
when I go fishing with you while 1 know
you let Miss Pert talk as much aa she
likes?
He WeX she does talk; but then she
makes only ,bltlnB remarks. Bsltlmoro
American.
and the Danish West Indies have how been
reduced from cents to 2 cents."
"I always like to take advantage of a bar
gain." said Mrs. Flubdub, "but unfortunately
I don't know a aoul 1st the Danish West
Indies to whom X could write." Louisville
Courler.Journal.
The head of a boarding school noticed on
of the boys, wiping hla knife on the table
cloth, and pounced upon him.
"le that what you do at home?" he asked
indignantly.'
" "Oh, no." answered the youngster eoolly;
"we have clean knives." Boston Transcript.
"Trhsce Is ono bad thing," remarked tha
manager, gloomily, "aboutv these muzzling
ordinances."
"What Is that?" asked his star.
"That their operation are not extended
to the critics of the dor towns." Baltimore
American.
oBW MS.WWpoU:,,
A WJNfeV MAM CAUIM Oil ME
WW HIS UMBREUfX -SHoUlfc
1 CMA HIM Vff PiBOUY tf?
-Rose msekti
tWf CAU REMEMBER VJHE81T
Yffi VST HIS UMrElU,yf,vj,
MAKE A WObQ. HUSBAND !
"We're atartlng a circulating library fcr
th ua or the - inmates," said the prison
rvlsltor. "Is -there any particular book you'd
like to make ue of?"
"Why. yes' replied tbe convict. "If I
could only uo it right away I'd like to have
a railroad guide." Puck.
"What peovle don't know won't hurt
them."
"Ia that so?" What about the man who
didn't kiHnv the gun was loaded?" Detroit
Free Press. '
Jones And who are the O'Briens' ances
tors? O'Brien What's that?
Jones I mean, whom do the O'Brlans
aprlng from?l
O'Brien The O'Briens spring from no
one; -they spring at them. Dallas News.
- First Credit Man How aboat Jones of
Plgvllle Center?
Second Credit Man He always pays cash, '
so we don't know how honest he le.' Bos
ton Globe.
"Hubby!"
"Yea, yes. yes?"
"Before we were married , you used to
end me flowers and sweets."
"I should be a brute to discontinue that
custom. - Tonight It will be cauliflowsr and
aweet potatoes." Louisville Courier-Journal.
-MI'MI "lilllHIHIIIIIlllliilllllllllllllllllll
7 s S
- r
E Locomotive Auto Oil
The be$t o' un know E
The L V. JtSholat Oil Company
PnuIsM S
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i Omaha, Neb. -
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" THE OMAHA BEE INFORMATION BUREAU
Washington. D. C. - '
Enclosed find twe-cent stamp, for which you will please tend me,
entirely free, the pamphlet "Care of Food in the Home."
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