8
THE' BEE: OMAHA, MONDAY, JANUARY 29, 1917.
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Men Can Never Understand Why .
.V Women Dote on Weepy Plays
;,t By DOROTHY DIX, ,
i- A large, fat lady, with three emotional-looking
chins, sat near me in
the street car the other night. Be
side her was her husband, a small,
thin, disgruntled-appearing man. They
had been to the theater, and the huj
"band asked the wife how she enjoyed
"the play.
''Oh, I was disappointed in it," said
the woman; "everybody told me it
ytts so sad you could just weep your
self to death over it, and 1 didn't
'shed a single tear."
' "The husband turned upon his wife
an eye of withering disgust, and
murmured sardonically, "And that's
your idea of spending a pleasant eve
rung! Heavens, what do women want
in a play!"
Nobody could answer this question.
Otherwise theatrical managers would
tie all millionaires, because women
are the mainstay of the stage, and if
a play pleases women it doesn't make
much difference whether it pleases
; the men. The women will flock to
see it and drag their men along with
lbem.- v,
Generally 'speaking, however, the
psychological difference between men
arid women is more marked in the dif
ference between the kind of plays
they like than in any other particular.
Women's taste in drama runs one
.way and fnen's another, and probably
the reason that more men don't take
their wives to the theater oftener is
because there' is nearly always a fam
ily spat about what they should go
to see, and one or the other of the
party is bored by having to sit
through a performance that does not
Appeal to his or her taste.
' Nearly all men, for instance, adore
musical comedies, while ' few women
care for them at all. When a woman
goes to a musical comedy she gen
erally goes to please a man and be
cause he is paying for the tickets,
and to see what the chorus hare got
n or have left off.
Same way with farces. Men laugh
their heads off at the antics of -a
drunkard on the stage, who falls over
his feet and drops down in a sodden
heap on the floor, and they enjoy
nothing more than a broad comedy
which depicts the ease with which an
unfaithful husband deceives his elder
ly wife. . Women see nothing funny
in these plays. For them such
dramas are not punctuated with
laughs, but with the sobs of thou,
lands of heart-broken wives. .
But it is true that the average man
always wants to go to see a play that
will make him laugh, whereas wom
en prefer plays that will make them
weep. Goodness knows why women
enjoy sniffling in public, and paying
for the privilege of shedding tears at
a theater, when they've got plenty of
troubles that they can weep over
without cost at home, but they do.
, Any tear-soaked drama will fun in
definitely, and probably a woman's
definition of what constitutes a de
lightful play is one at which she soaks
Wonderful Water's of Saratoga '
Produced in Mysterious Laboratory
By GARRET P. SERVISS.
.. According to appearances, the vast
majority of the persons who take part
in- the revival of the summer lifl of
Saratoga find the attraction that
draws them in the races But there
are a few, like me, who care nothing
tor the races, but a great deal for
the wonderful springs.
"New York never did a wiser offi-'
rial act than when it "recovered'' the
Saratoga mineral springs and threw
around them the protection of a pub
lic reservation. The valley ol the
springs at Saratoga is the focus of a
natural marvel that has few equals
of its kind in the world. It is not
spcctacular,like the Yellowstone gey
ser region, out it is beautiful, and
tbeVe hangs about its green hollows,
its conical billets, its dark groves and
its many little spouts of strange- tast
ing, stimulating, healing water an at
mosphere or a' sense of mystery
which penetrates into the magnifi-
rnt ahaHrf rrtnrt nf th immnw hn-
j' tela and is not banished by the rows'
of bathing houses, bottling establish
ments and drinking halls.
'Saratoga, notwithstanding its long
and severe course of sophistication
under the patronage of millionaires,
sportsmen and ultrafashionable per
sons, remains essentially as roman
tic as it was in the days when the In
dians came miles through the unbrok
en forests to drink the wonderful wa
ters that the Manitou caused to gush
out of the earth for the healing of his
red children. , .
- Making Saratoga's springs a state
reservation was an experiment in gov
ernment uwncianip, luvui lilt win'
dom of which there cannot be two
opinions. When nature provides such
gift it does not intend it for private
, exploitation. Today the springs, some
I i which had practically ceased to
flow a few years ago, and had lost
the greater part of their peculiar min
eral qualities, are restored to their
, pristine state of richness and abun-
dance.
-The processes of loss and recovery
: were verv simple, and they can he
' illustrated by that other great natural
wonder ol the fcmpire state, Niag
ara falls. Suppose the tapping of the
waters of the falls to go on indefinite
ly and uncontrolled; a time would
come when Niagara would be a skel
eton instead of .a cataract. The re
verse of that happened at Saratoga.
The sources of the springs, deep be
neath the surface of the ground, were
tapped by artesian wells and the wa
ters were pumped away in order to
obtain the carbonic acid gas with
which they were charged.
' In conscience, some of the great
est and oldest springs virtually -failed
and the waters of those which con
tinued to flow were reduced in min
eral strength until they were hardly
recognizable. Surface water flowed
in and contaminated the springs.
. But since the state undertook the
recovery of the springs the genuine
waters have not only come back, but
they have regained their old proper
ties, : The eve of man cannot see the
laboratory of the springs. . It lies hun
dreds of feet below the earth s surface
and extends for miles around the val
lev. of the springs, toward which the
Strange waters How through faults
end crevices of the rocks, moving
northeasterly, and finding their way
to the surface through vents that have
existed from time immemorial. '
. The engineers who descended into
tbe excavations made in the search for
three handkerchiefs and comes away
from powdering her nose and wiping
her eyes.
Also, women arc strong lor ro
mance and plays in which a good
looking man, in perfectly fitting eve
ning clothes, pops the question to a
beautiful heroine in a soulful manner.
It is the sad, sad secret of every
wemans' life that men are short on
romance and that they muff the ball
wjien they make love. A man means
well, and hl proposal is a perfectly
good business proposition that the
woman is only too glad to accept, but
it breaks her heart because he makes
it in the wrong way.
' He gurgles and gasps, and threatens
to choke, and then blurts out a few
commonplace words, instead of mur
muring poetic things, and gently
drawing her to his manly bosom with
out mussing her back hair, as the
matinee Jiero does on the stage.
That's why women pay out good
money to see a real first-class, work
manlike job of love making.
It is because the only romance that
most women ever encounter is what
they see on the stage that gives the
saccharine play its vogue. And by the
same token, the reason that women
like this kind of play is the reason
that men loath it. It must make the
average man sqirm in his orchestra
chair to see Otis Skinner or John
Drew, or Faversham make love and
remember the way in which he pro
posed to his own Maria.
i The ordinary man seldom likes a
problem play, either. It isn't his idea
of spending a joyous evening having
his soul torn to shreds by the suffer
ings of a Magdalene. On the other
hand wotrfen who are vivisectionists
by nature, revel in jirobing into the
heart secrets of the miserable and
those who have made a general mess
of life. '
That is why women flock to Ibsen
and Sudermann plays, while . the
average man takes the position of the
western dramatic critic who wound up
a review of "Ghosts" by saying that
undoubtedly it was a grand and mas
terly piece of work, but, thank God,
Dockstader'a minstrels come to town
next week.
Likewise, women are strong for
plays'that teach moral lessons. They
make of the theater their church, and
of the actors their moral teachers,
while men want just the opposite
something that will not make them
think, hut that will rest their minds
after the strenuous work of the day-
something pleasant and light, and di
vertingsomething away from the
worries and anxieties that they have
studied over until their very thoughts
have become muddled.
And, perhaps, this is the explana
tion of-the real reason that women
like bne sort of.play and men another.
It is because we each ask of the stage
something that takes us out of our
own little narrow round, and the
round of a man and a woman arc
seldom the same.
the lost waters found them in some
places oozing out of crevices so thin
that a knife blade could, hardly be
thrust into them. There, in the dark
ness of the deep-seated rocks, there is
a marvellous circulation through the
veins of the planet. ,
from somewhere around Eallston
the hidden rivulets, ' flattened into
sheets sometimes as thin as silver
plating, flow northward, and as they
enter the valley of the springs they
begin to pentrate dolomite rocks and
sandstones, from which they derive
ioane of their most valuable mineral
constituents. At Ballston the water
is briny, but as it approaches Sara
toga it takes up salts of lin and mag
nesia, and the farther it goes the
stronger becomes the solution.
the engineers have bored holes
down into the great laboratory and
taken samples of its rock shelves and
noted the order in which they lie and
the change in the qualities of the
waters as they pass from one natural
lembeck to another, but the great se
cret of the true origin of the flow re
mains and may always remain un
solved.
Some sav a volcano had something
to do with establishing the wonder,
but that was so long ago that nature
herself has almost forgotten the cir
cumstance. Volcanic action generally
opens the way tor mineral springs of
deep-seated origin and accumulates
some of the substances with which
they become imbued. ,
In the High Kock Park at Saratoga
there stands today a cone of tufa,
shaped like a miniature volcano, which
was formed as a vent for the water,
and from whose orifices the Indians
drank with wonder, and adoration.
The flash of glittering autos and the
rush of racing hoofs at Saratoga last
only a month, but the mysterious
waters flow unceasingly beneath the
green valley, and when we become as
wise as Europeans in these things we
shall appreciate them better.
- HYMENEAL. '
Gotfried-Roberts.
Falls City, Neb., Jan. 28: (Special.)
Peter W. Gotfried and Stella Rob
erts, both of Dawson, were united in
marriage by County Judge Wiltse at
the court house yesterday. They will
reside at Dawson,
. Settle-Wilson.
Falls City, Neb., Jan. 28. (Special.)
Miss Bessie'Wilson of Falls City
and Franklin R. Settle of Kansas City
were married at the home of the
hride'a parents'. Mr. and Mrs. John
Wilson, at 3 oclock Saturday after
noon. Miss Wilson graduated from
the Falls City schools in 1912, and
attended school in Kansas City and
was teaching school in the business
college, at Beatrice until last week.
Mr. Settle it a traveling salesman with
headquarters in Kansas City, where
they will continue to reside after cov
ering his territory from St. Louis to
the south on their wedding trip.
' Subject to Croup.
"Our little girl is subject to frequent
attacks of croup," writes F. O. Strong,
Calnella, Cal. "L always give her
Chamberlain's Cough Remedy, as one
or two1 doses of it cures her." This is
a favorite remedy for croup, as it can
be depended upon and it it pleasant
and safe to take. It contains no narcotic.
Just a Little
THERE is a little girVin my town. I do not know her name she
has nut-brown curls, and dancing brown eyes, and pretty round :
cheeks, and a little gleam of teeth for everyone she knows, and
every little brown dog she doesn't know! Everybody grows warm
Soldiers While You Wait
By WOODS HUTCHINSON, M. D.
For years there have been serious
criticism not merely by physicians
and physical trainers, but by thought
ful otncers ot the national tiuara, 01
the unnecessary and unscientific
abruptness and ' severity of the
methods of training in the annual en
campments. To take men straight
from the city pavements, without even
twenty-four hours' breathing spell,
soft and short-winded from the office,
the store, and the shop, and begin
driving them, full speed with their
tongues hanging out for from four
teen to sixteen hours a , day is a
method which recommends - itself
neither to good sense nor to medi
cal science. Every gynasium director,
every physical education expert,
every trainer of athletes pursues
methods almost diametrically oppo
site. He has learned by costly ex
perience that the best and, in the long
run, the quickest and surest way to'
develtjp either btrength, or speed, or
skill, is to begin gradually with Jight
apparatus, moderate exercises, easy
stunts, changing frequently, and al
ways stopping just short of fatigue.
Of course, the element of time enters
in; there are only a few weeks of
camp practice in peace or in time of
peril, and the raw recruit must he
made ready for the stern realities of
war in the shortest possible time.
Hut where is reason in everything,
and the men would be in much, bet
ter physical condition and know
more of the art of war at the end of
three weeks if they were eased along
at about half speed or less for the
first week, and then gradually speed
ed up as they came into condition and
tound themselves than tney would be
by driving full steam ahead from day
light on the first day. To take a
soft reigment and march it twelve
to sixteen miles a day for a week
through sticky clay and pouring rain
until the skin of the men's feet peeled
off in flakes and both soles and tops
were raw and red as beefsteak from
toes to ankles, as was done in a re
cent Pittsburgh encampment, is
neither magnificent nor war. to sav
nothing of good tense. 1
Or to take three raw regiments of
citizen soldiers just arrived from a
northern state and start them off on
a march of twenty-six miles in two
days across the gasping, shimmeringr
blazing desert in midsummer, as was
done with an Illinois regiment in
Texas the other day, just because the
army regulations call for fifteen miles
a day from infantry,, was a perfor
mance so extraordinary and so lack
ing in discretion as to seem to a mere
civilian almost to call for either a
court-martial or a commission of in
quiry into the sanity of the officers
responsible. To make it worse, the
march was started in broad daylight,
in a climate several degrees worse
and more tropical than that of south
ern Europe, where both Italians and
Spaniards have a bitter proverb, "Old
Love
dogs and Englishmen walk in the
sun." Little wonder that the men fell
out and fainted, a hundred before the
city limits were passed, and-nearly a
thousand, a third of the entire force,
before ten miles had .been covered,
according to the' correspondents.
But when the facts were reported
to the officer commanding the dis
trict he promptly came out in an in
terview denouncing, not the injudi
cious officers, but the sunstruck men,
as mollycoddles, shirkers and slack
ers. He'd take that regiment in
hand personally and make real sol
diers out of them in short order, and
woe betide any of them who dared
to fall out of the ranks without per
mission on the hikes he set for them.
It would be either guard house or a
special platoon of mollycoddles with
nurse maids and perambulators for
There 'spoke the real spirit of the
professional soldier, and incidentally
furnished a vivid revelation of the true
inwardness of' part of the severities
and hardships imposed upon militia
recruits. It is partly a form of grown
up hazing practiced by the regular
upon the volunteer. The first article
of professional military ethics is a
profound contempt for the civilian,
and particularly for that brand of
civilian who calls himself or pretends
to be a soldier, the militiamen or vol
unteer. Therefore, the first step in
his military education is to put him
in his proper place, and make him
realize the enormous and unbridge
able gap which lies between htm and
the regular, and what a poor creature
of pasteboard and sawdust he is com
pared to a real soldier. What's .the
use of being a regular if you can't
prove your superiority over a militia
man at the militiaman's expense?
It is only fair to say that these
rough-shod methods are but a sur
vival of the old, stupid, medieval ideas
of training and discipline which began
FLORIDA
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Copyright, 1917,
International News Service.
about the heart when she goes by, from the rosey old gentleman who
sells the fruit, through the young chap just down from "Prep," to the
gay dealer in shrieking headlines, with his tattered cap on hind side
'fore. And says this latter to me one day: "I've heard o' 'just a little
Love' well, there she goes!" NELL BRINKLEY.
by breaking a man down in order to
build' him up afterward, and whose
first and most essential aim was
"teaching him who was master," so
that he would obey brainlessly and
automatically. For the ' perpetual
jealousy and distrust which exist be
tween the militia and the officers of
the regular army, the blame isn't
wholly on one side. It is sincerely
to be hoped that more reasonable ahd
moderate methods of shaping up re
cruits for active service will be fol
lowed in future and that army author
ities will recognize and avail them
selves of the skill and experience of
gymnasium physicians and university
and other experts in physical educa
tion. ' . '
Archaeologist to Speak
At Y. M. C. A. Next Sunday
Some 200 men at the Young Men's
Christian association auditorium yes
terday afternoon held an experience
meeting, giving the history of their
religious, experience Secretary E, F.
Denison of the Young Men's Chris
tian association announced that
Archaeologist E. J. Banks ( will talk
next Sunday. ' Mr: Banks was some
years ago sent aboard by the Univer
sity of Pennsylvania to make some
investigations around Bagdad. He
traveled all over Egypt. He unearthed
lillilllHIMI'lilW
teg
Your Money Habits Are
jp Today you have some little money habits hardly noticeable. Possibly
H . you don't even know that you have them, but they are spending your money.
ET-i3
Take an invoice expose those money habits of yours.
i
As they grow in strength, where will they finally lead you?
Is there any question of your future, if hatyt makes you a regular mem
ber of a Savings Association? ...
Practice the SAVING HABIT and let it DEVELOP with you.
I
m
The Conservative Savings &
1614 Harney Street.
Resources $13,000,000.00.
m
I v,
sa
' Six gold and
four , silver medals
awarded
. .celebrated
By Nell Brinkley
a lot of archaeological antiquities re
lating to Biblical history, among
which are many stonewriting tablets.
"Yea, Bo," at a Wedding.
"Vca Bo" is a new response In wedding
ceremonies In the T.ukens valley. It was In
troduced there when Harry Sallada, of Ly
kenu, wedded Miss Mary Daub ol WUllams
town. 1
"Do you take this woman for your wedded
wife?" asked Squire George W. Hansel.
"Tea. Bo." yelled Sallada, tossing hla hat
into the air.
Two hundred and fifty of Sallada's friends
cheered and then paraded the couple around
town. Philadelphia Inquirer.
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curing cannon tre guided by the experi
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"Mother's Friend" a
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Drugs andGeniusl
By LUCILE CAINE.
The terrible havoc caused by drugs,
to which attention has recently been
directed, calls to mind the fact thai
many of, the world's greatest writers
have produced immortal masterpieces
despite their addition t,o drugs.
Many writers of imaginative works
have asserted they found their fan
c:es stimulated to a marvelous de
gree by certain drugs.
Baudelaire not only used opium
but ate hashish, the drug which gives
each an excessive vividness to the
sensations. Guatier was also a hash
ish cater, and De Quincey was a con
firmed user of opium.
Other people of genius who have
used opium to excess include Mme. dc
Stael and Haller. Bosetti believed he
derived some sort of mental prod- .
ding from chloral combined with
alcohol.
Of the great writers who did net
sink to the depths of opium, hashish
or chloral, many were addicted to the
excessive use of alcohol, tobacco, cof
fee or tea. Alexander Pope was a cof
fee fiend, which probably had a great
deal to do with his excessive irrita
bility, constant headaches and gener
ally bad health.
Thomas Hobbes used tobacco lo
excess. Mark Twain smoked about
300 cigars a month. Balzac was an
immoderate coffee drinker, which un
doubtedly contributed to his final
breakdown.
Niebular snuffed tremendously. Car
lyle, Tennyson and Kingsley all were
great pipe smokers.
Kant was a tea fiend and also a pipe
smoker, and often woked eight hours
on nothing else. Darwin used snuff.
Huxley became a smoker after 40,
Haeckel was a coffee drinker. James
Payn may be classed with Twain as
a worker depending largely upon to
bacco. Dr. Johnson abused tea.
Milton produced "Paradise Lost"
on coffee and "Paradise Regained" on
tea. Rousseau used coffee excessively.
Cooking Ttst for $10,000
That the word "lady" means "a
maker of bread" was not forgotten by
August Zinsser when he left $10,000 to
his granddaughter's on condition that
they should learn to cook a full-course
dinner for twelve, and, moreover, de
sign and make the drelses they wore
when they cooked it. Much knowl- '
edge of applied science goes to the
preparation of the ideal repast, even
though there are geniuses who by
rule of thumb, scorning the ' cook
book, achieve miracles with the
waffle-iron and the bake-oven that are
quite beyond the ken of the laity who -smack
their lips over the result. Miss
Zinsser, one of the granddaughters,
has had a college education, but she
must now take, a post-graduate course
in the quality of flour and the soaring
cost of eggs and butter. For it is part
of the compact that she shall go to
market and do her purchasing over
the counter, not over the phone. She
must know how to keep accounts and
how to construe a statement of her
balance at the bank. But the critical
culmination of the ordeal lies in the
proviso that three of those who cat
the qualifying dinner shall be women.
Ppssibly out of sheer gallantry a mau
would swallow acrid coffee, soggy
bread and underdone potatoes and in
sincerely praise the cuisinicre. But her
feminine critics will not dissemble.
"Man's inhumanity to man" is nothing
compared with womanly frankness to
sister woman. The meal will have to
be perfect, from oysters to demi-tasse,
or it will not be passed by the censor
of the species, who s deadlier than
the male. Philadelphia Ledger.
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1877
BRANDY
in ''...
''