THE BEE: OMAHA, SATURDAY. SEPTEMBER 2, 1916. THE OMAHA ' DAILY BEE FOUNDED BY EDWARD KOSEWATER VICTOR EOSEWATER, EDITOR THI BBS PUBLISHING COMPANY. PROPRIETOR. Entered at Omaha pootofflee as sseoad elan latter. "j TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. - Br Carrier Br Man .. .. ner month, per rr We4 Sunday.. ; laily without sunaar in enmg and Sunday i!'1"-100 :nll without Sunday -JJ aJftunoay Bei YhrU' rear. ta"ijef '' .en notice of change of addrsss or irregular.tr de livery ta Omaha Baa. Circulation Department. I ' . REMITTANCE. Wilt by draft, .tral or postal order. OnlrjJ-eent stamps akaa la payment af small accounts. Personal except en Omaha and aaatara oxehenge. nat accepted. OFFICES. t Omaha Tha Baa Building. South Omaha 2ll N street. , Caanell Bluffs la North Mala strset Lincoln S2I LKtle Building. Chicago -SIS Paopla'a Gal Building. New York Room let, ! Pit ovenue. , St. Louie New Bank .of Commerce. Washington 7U Fourtai-ath atraet. K W. CORRESPONDENCE. Hddrese communications relating w news and editorial n attar ta- Omaha Boa, aflitonai utpwwnrou t JULY CIRCULATION . - 57,569 Daily Sunday 52,382 !,.. anil mkilM manaeer of Tha Baa Wishing Company, bamg dulr worn fere (' 'h .varan eircluatton tor tna pianin o -- JJIS daily d M.8 Sundsy. . , T DWIGHT WILLIAMS. Circulation Manager. ! Subscribed la mr presence and awora to before ma W . star of A'-HUNTER. Not-r PaMla. Sabecribera UaTiaf tha city temporarily should ban Tha Baa mailed la I ham. Ad draaa will be changes! aa of Ira aa required. (' CL.J.. t a.eAnhfi, tioll j nam. aJllaaUU MffU 4 IVIIIVV' - It is not the first time that stiff bluff scooped the pot. ' ' 1 i I When GreekWets Bulgsr in battle amy, tte sg-of-wsr arrives. ,-: ' . Arbitration secure! I place on the shell of dis irded esientialt for which the preiident la, "too foud to fight." ' . . . s All that is now needed to clinch Indiana's tip on the vie presidency is to pass the word to 'om Marshall. Charlie Fairbanks has hii'n. I -, i1 1 , The Roumanian and the Bulgar Icings bear the ime of Ferdinand. It is important to bear this in ' nind lest the tnixup on the mat confuse neutral eiders. ' -" : ! ; "No matter bow many hits the price uplift cores on .consumers, so long as-slabs of pump in pie remain in the jitney class joy will radiate hrotigh oppressed souls. The hand' that holds congress to urgent tasks oints the index finger unerringly to November 7. .11 that is done or proposed to be done Are fash ned to produce results 'on that fateful day. . i The first campaign shot of Colonel Roose tit strikes a vulnerable spot in the; enemy en fenchments. As a master of light and heavy ar illery the colonel is without a home-made rival, 1 Wall street showed less fear of a strike than jie rest of the country and backed ilj confidence Hth money invested in railroad stocks, Wall iret possessed ground floor knowledge of the jafie.,. . V ' - .:No doubt the vast majority of' railroad em fjyes, working on the ten-hour plan, will en- ), congressional discrimination when they ob- ve the favored minority speed past at an eight . Nit ' British losses during August on all fronts kttled 127,948 men, or an average of 4,265 a day, i killed, wounded and misting. The price of war bmee high, but Britain is paying the toll in lives t 'well as cash. ' The congressional grant of' in eight-hour day ten hours' pay to train operatives promises assortment of trouble as, varied as the brew 1 the witch's cauldron, Already a shop strike on enty-two railroads looms on the horizon. Dis- tnimtion breeds discontent.' j The Business Men's league 6t St. Louis - pped into the railroad controversy with an ur !nt appeal to the president to stand up for irbi ition. At the same time the league overlooked I i'ocil strike in which the employers assert "there nothing to arbitrate. It makes a big differ- 3 ee whose ox is gored. Nebraska Press Comment ' "Ainsworth Star-Journal: Lincoln milkmen are ' gels compared to those of Omaha, according to 'i tests made last week. In Omaha thirty milk , en were fined, while in Lincoln not one so far '.vs fell below the standard but then Commit ; sner Harman lives in Lincoln,' i' Neligb Leader: The state tax levy, computed 1 1 the basis of mills, is seven-tenths of a mill is than last year, but you wilt fait to see the de ' ease when yon scan your tax receipt next year, : increased valuation of property making up for t decrease in per cent. Don't get fooled, here- re, by this when the democratic campaign ora- ra come around this fall and use these figures show you how they have decreased taxation. Lincoln Star: A determined presiding officer s legislative body can very easily test the bona ii of measures leveled at large interests and so doing sustain them if offered in good faith i destroy their effect as holdup measures. There men who come to every legislative session to aneuver measures of this sort. In every ses fin some of them go home much richer thin ' en they came. Some men of eminence in this te have been known to receic large sums for ir.g measures that were never intended to pass, at ta how the lobby thrives and why every ef- t to destroy it has failed. i Grand Island Independent: Thia is the time jien the editor's desk, because of the increase in e price of news print and other necessities in try well-appointed newspaper office has gone yward, has become filled with sympathetic of re. Everybody wants him to accept news and acellineous services probably containing the (motion of some ism to be paid for by adver ting spacel If a newspaper which is conscien jmsly endeavoring to merit the respect of all, to Ida place in the best of our American homes, respect every lovable ambition, every shade of ' -ions belief and every inspiration to a higher i .iiiation might still, for this particular purpose, loy the expression employed by him whom erjr large proportion of the best church people I this land now adore, revere and replenish by I'ir shekels more than any other minister of - d in the great broad land mind you, we say v other minister of Cod, and are not disrespect in the least in that case we have a burning ire to sit, as to swell propositions, t la "Billy ,Uy: "To hell with 'emf" ' ' From Congress to the Courts. The natural course for the eight-hour law that is to set aside the threatened railroad strike is from congress to the courts, and the" railroad presidents frankly state their intention to speed it along that route. This is a proper enough pro ceeding, for the measure involves principles that are vital to the social and industrial life of the nations. Not alone are the railroads concerned in the proposed legislation, but every form of industry must be affected by it, and through it all society. Therefore the importance of early es tablishment of the power of congress to enact laws fixing hours for employment, and to that extent setting up wage scales can' be understood. So far as the shorter workday is concerned, it will ultimately be established. The one thing to determine is whether it is to be achieved by statutory enactment or by the readjustment of industrial processes. . The passage of the law may avert the strike, but it will not settle the question. Superb Stage Management Mr. Wilson and his advisers are showing a capacity for stage management that any theater director might well envy. In the handling of the controversy between the railroad men and man agers, not s point of dramatic effect has been overlooked, and now we are to see the melo dramatic Just as Hawkshaw the Detective arose to carry the message, so will Woodrow the Will ing be present to sign the bill. Not at the White House, however. That were too time and com monplace a background for so thrilling a scene. The stage will be set far more in accordance with the spirit of the play that is about to end. On the grass of Shadow Lawn, under the spreading trees, and aurrounded by the admiring hosts of embattled democracy, waiting to deliver his set speech, the president will be approached by a messenger, hastening at top speed from the halls of congress, and bearing the newly passed law, the ink not yet dry on its pages, Then, with that dignity 'that has marked his every action, and simplicity that would have made Jefferson's heart swell with especial emotion, Mr. Wilson will at tach his signature and the act of congress will be come law. The last drop of political stimulant will have been squeezed from a serious Industrial crisis, and administration ctacquers will shout the praiaes of the president, while the people will wonder what might have happened if an election Had not been impending. David Belasco has something to learn in the art of stage direction, and he may well study pro ceedings at Shadow Lawn today. Royalty In tht European War. Unauthenticated reports come from Athens that King Constantine of Greece has abdicated his throne, and that his son has succeeded, the younger man being favorably disposed to the Entente Allies, whose pressure is surely forcing Greece into the war. Along with thia is a further report that a revolution has broken out in Greece. Without regard for the reliability of the informa tion, the truth of which may be established later, the circumstance again calls attention to the change that has come since the beginning of the strife. . . : -. ' It may have been' true in the beginning that the war was one of the rulers; then it was freely predicted that it meant an end to royalty and "divine right" rule. Developments support the conclusion that the war has become on of the people, and has gone beyond the control of kings and cabinets. No European monarch cart now approach hit subjects. with a proposal for peace that does not embody- something of permanent advantage to them. The national instinct re ferred to by Jonescu in connection with Rou manian action has been aroused amongst all the nations, and it must be reckoned with not only, now but at the conclusion of any peace that may be established, f The Berlin congress of 1878, when Russia's adjuatment with Turkey was set aside, is looked to as the chief source of the pres ent conflict and blunders then made in council are now being rectified on battlefields. ' . King Constantine's expressed desire to remain neutral, whether or not supported by his sense of obligation to his brother-in-law, tne German em peror, has been overruled by his people, and he is not alone in thia predicament. Royalty is not the dominant factor in the world war today, . . Underwood Law and Revenue, Congress put aside an emergency revenue measure to deal with the railroad situation, but must before adjournment resume consideration of means for securing income to meet the more than a billion and a half of dollars appropriated by this session. Promises of retrenchment and reform in expenditures have been kept by making each suc ceeding year larger disbursements, each congress for four years establishing a new high mark in extravagance. The further fact must be kept in mind that when the Wilson administration came into power the treasury held a surplus of $85, 000,000. On last Tuesday, the deficit for the cur rent fiscal year, beginning with July 1, was $31, 858,638, accumulating at the rate of more than a million dollars a day. ' This deficit is due to the failure of the Under wood tariff law to produce the revenue, even when supplemented by the unusual and special taxes that have been levied, such as the income tax, the stamp tax and the like. Imports have in creased half a billion in value and customs reve nue has decreased more than $100,000,000 for the year under the Underwood tariff law. This neces sitates emergency laws to produce $205,000,000 in addition to the sale of $130,000,000 of bonds. The unescapable fact is that the democratic "tariff for revenue" law has been a flat failure. Imports have increased and income has decreased. This is part of the record on which the democratic administration is to be tried, and for a defense to which it sets up that the president "has kept-us out of war." An attempt to equalise the income tax down ward brought the wrath of King1 Caucus on Sen ator Underwood. The idea of the Alabama sen atoi has some merit, but lacked tactical oppor tunism. A federal taxing scheme which would touch the purses of 200,000 voters at thia critical time is unthinkable. Some other time. Industrious ward heelers are said to have voted the names of three bulldogs at the recent prima ries at Wheeling, W. Vs. As the names were attached to live dogs the gravestone eminence of Philadelphia heelers remains untarnished. ! ' , Yeggmen cracked bank safes at Danville in, and got away with aome of the goods. - This method it crude and improper, inasmuch aa it lacks the starched front andvfinesse of working S private bank in Chicago. i Ton Av Thought Nugget for the Day. Reason is the life of the law; nay, the common law itself is nothing else but reason. Sir fcdwara Coke. , One Year Ago Today in the War. Grodno fell before Germans, last of great Russian fortresses on frontier. Four Turkish transports sunk by British sub marines in Dardanelles. Cardinal Gibbons delivered the Pope s message to President Wilson concerning peace in Europe. Paris reported severe artillery fighting on the Aisne river, at Nieuport in Belgium, and many points in France. This Day in Omaha Thirty Years Ago. I. N. Pierce, who has been superintendent of the county poor farm for the last eight years, has removed with his family to the corner of Twenty eighth and Leavenworth. John Mahoney suc ceeds him at the poor farm. , C. E. Mayne and Dennis Cunningham have purchased the wonderful horse, Consul, for flO.OW. ' , . . , Creighton College has reopened with the fol lowing faculty: Rev. M. P. Dowling, Rev. Joseph F. Riggs, Rev. James O'Meara, F. X. Mara, James Canahan, James Melvny, T. J.-Russell, T. - P.( Downey and W. F. O'Shaughnessy. - Frank A. Kost of the letter carrier force is in Iowa City, where he will be married to Miss Maggie Anderson. ... , Will Koenig, an old Omaha boy, is in the city. He contemplates erecting a large brick block here. Detective Charles Emery, with a corps of operatives, has established headquarter! on Thir teenth and Harney. . . , Misses Leighton and Brown, teachers in the Leavenworth school, and Miss McCarthy, princi pal of the Pacific school, have returned from their summer vacation prepared to vigorously lead the young idea. Judge Stenburg administered the oath to six new regular policemen whose names are: Mike McCarthy, Patrick Galligan, Thomas Casey, John Robbins, Louis Codala, Joseph Polensky. This Day in History. 1788 First court held in Ohio at Marietta. . 1800 Dr. Willard Parker, who established the first cotlege clinic in the United States, born at Hillsboro, N. H. Died in New York City, April 25 1884 ' 1816 -A great hurricane devastated St. Croix, one of the principal islands of the West Indian group, which the United States is now seeking to purchase. , 1857 Watt's first steam engine was lost in a fire that destroyed the Glasgow Polytechnic in stitution. ' ' , 1862 General Kirby Smith advanced on Cin cinnati, and martial law was proclaimed in that city. . , 1870 Napoleon III and the garrison at Sedan surrendered to the king of Prussia. 1873 Anniversary of Sedan celebrated at Ber lin by unveiling of monument of "Victory." ' 1884 Prohibition party of Kansas organized in state convention at Lawrence. 1893 Revision of Belgian constitution com pleted after four years' discussion.' 1894 Awful conflagration at Hinckley and other towns in Minnesota; over 500 people per ished. ' , 1898 Sir Herbert Kitchener, commanding the British and Egyptian army in the. Sudan, won a great victory over the Dervishes at Omdurman, near Khartoum. l906-Tlie Emperor of China issued an edict promising constitutional government, f ,1908 The French defeated 15,000 Moorish tribesmen on the Algerian frontier. The Day We Celebrate. General Victor Dousmanis, chief of staff of the Greek army, born on the island of Corfu, fifty-five years ago today. ' Hiram W. Johnson, governor of California, progressive candidate for vice president and re publican candidate for senator, born at Sacra mento, Cal fifty years ago today. Hoke' Smith, United Statet tenator from Georgia, born at Newton, N. C, sixty-one years ago today. Hiram P. Maxim, celebrated inventor of elec trical devices and ordnance, born in Brooklyn, N. Y forty-seven years ago today. Dr; Frederick Starr, celebrated anthropologist of the University of Chicago, born at Auburn, N. Y fifty-eight years ago today. " Archduchess Elizabeth, daughter of the late Crown Prince Rudolph of Austria and Princess Stephanie, born thirty-three years ago today. Henrietta Crosman, one of the well-known actresses of the American stage, born at Wheel ing, W. Va., forty-six1 years ago today.' General James H. Wilson, one of the few sur viving general, officers of the union army, born at Shawneetown, III., seventy-nine years ago today. .Henry D. Flood, representative in congress of the Tenth Virginia district, born :n Appomattox county, Virginia, fifty-one years ago today. Rev. Newell Dwight Hillis, noted clergyman and author, born ' at Magnolia, la., fifty-eight years ago today. Timely Jottings and Reminders,' -' Today is the 250th anniversary of the great fire of London. .. - St. Stephen's day will be observed today by Hungarians throughout the worm. President Wilson is to be officially notified at Long Branch today of his renomination for the presidency. Charles E. Hughes, republican nominee for president, is to spend today and tomorrow in St. Louis. Secretary of Labor William- B. Wilson is scheduled to address the Bluegrast Federation of Labor at Lexington, Ky., today. " The democratic campaign in Illinois is to be formally opened today with conferences and ral lies at every county teat. Delegates from many sections of the country will gather in Pittsburgh today for the annual convention of the Polish Military Alliance of America. Champ Clark, speaker of the national house, is scheduled to deliver the oration today at an old settlers' day celebration at Effingham, 111. The town of Moscow, in Clermont county, Ohio, will hold a celebration today in honor of the 100th anniversary of its founding. "The annual convention of the National Feder ation of State,. City, Town and County Employes' unions is to be held today at Worcester, Mass. A democratic primary is to be held today in the Seventh Virginia district to nominate a can didate for congress to succeed James Hay, who has been given a federal judgeship. .'., Storyettt of tht Day. - Mr. Giltstock had made money. Therefore, he must have a bigger house and it must be built for him by the best architect in the town. In due course the architect arrived with elab orate plans, which he explained to the puzzled merchant prince. "Now, the only thing remaining, Mr. Gilstock," he concluded, "is the drawing room. Where shall we put the drawing room?" But Mr, Giltstock laid a firm hand on the desk. "Look here, my boy, I draw the line some where. You've made plant for a smoking room, when I don't smoke; a music room, when I can't even play a mouth organ; a nursery, when I ain't fot a nurse, a pantry, when I don't pant. But m blamed if I'm going to let you put up a draw ing room, when I can't even draw a straight line!" Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. . . gar B LooniU on Light and Heat. Gibbon, Neb., Aug. 2$. To the Ed itor of The Bee: I would Ilka apace in The Be to reply to William Smith's last article In Tha Bee of the J 3d lnat. He stated In ht pre vious article. In The Bee of the tth fnst, that the slanting raya of the sun were colder than the direct raya because they "had so much longer path through our atmosphere, which made them colder. Now what tem perature could these rays have held when they reached our atmosphere after having passed through SS.OOO, 000 miles of Interstellar apace at 27 J degree! below seroT So It la plainly the province of our atmosphere to warm those rays instead of cooling them. I am glad to aee that he agrees with me that there Is no difference in temperature between our perihelion and aphelion distances. Re - states that our sun te composed of gas a lit tle more dense than water, and that other auna are composed of gaa about the tenuity of our atmoaphere, or lighter. Now, I cannot conceive of either liquid or gaa of that consist ence, whether composed of atoms, molecules or particles, that can be made to produce heat by friction or agitation. If It could be done, our atmosphere (composed of gases), as well as the water In our lakes and oceans, should be made hot when ag itated by violent atorms. Scientists formerly believed the sun's heat was produced by combination until com mon sense taught Its absurdity, then, like a drowning man catching at a straw, they took up the theory of auch intense heat by friction, but it la like "Jumping out of the frying pan Into tha flre.'T I did not presume the sun was In habitable, as It would have to supply Ita own light and heat and would be too hot under foot or too cold over head to sustain life, either animal or plant And the same rule would hold good for the outer planets, which Mr. Smith claims are aelf-heated. They must have light and heat from out side or else be uninhabitable, and, therefore, useless. . Mr. Smith states that the color of the different suns Indicate their tem perature. Will he explain the ruddy appearance of the planet Mars, our nearest outside neighbor and nearly flfty million miles further from tbe aun than we are, whose red light is plainly seen by the - naked eye and whose regular illnes are supposed to be canals, and' whose white spots at the poles, evidently snow and ice, which increaae to aome 12 desrees across when winter conditions pre vail at either pole, and nearly or quite disappear during the summer solstice. It la evidently not a hot planet but has about the same tem perature as we have. Probably the same cause that gives Mara its red color also gives color to the various suns. , . 1 Probably, like many of your read ers, I am not well enough posted in spectrum analysis to discuss those points intelligently, so will pass them, but think I can make my contentions plain by the following illustration, not considering the outside planets at present: We may consider our planet placed on the surface of a sphere of apace 186,000,000 miles in dinmeter, with the sun at its center. Now, according to Mr. Smith's theory, the whole surface of that vast sphere must continually receive the, same degree of light and heat that we do, and its whole interior space must also receive the same degree of light and heat at Ita surface, but must gradu ally Increaae in Intensity as It ap proaches the sun, and when near the sun must be hot enough to vaporise the most refractory metals. Now, If our moon and Mercury, and possibly Venus, are. uninhabita ble on account of their long diurnal revolution, all. that vast store of light and heat Is wasted except the inflni tlsimal amount that I our planet usea. But let us consider the outer planet and extend the sphere in all directions to the distance of the orbit of Neptune, two and three-fourths billion miles from the sun, and all that great sphere to be lighted and heated continually as above stated, and I think the absurdity of the theory will be apparent to all. But let us look at the other theory. Now, we all know that electricity is all around us, and with proper appli ance can be called Into Instantaneous use anywhere on earth. - Now, what is more reasonable than to suppose that our planetary bodies, revolving around the sun with the sun acting aa a great dynamo, are furnishing light and heat of uniform tempera ture to all the planetary bodies in our solar aystem regardless of their dis tance from the sun or the tempera ture of intervening space, and with out any waste of energy? Now, thanking The Bee and Wil liam Smith of Bellevue college for the valuable aaaiatance they have ren dered me In getting thia before the public, I am willing to let the' public Judge aa to which of the two theories is the more reasonable. ELLIOTT LOOMIS. TIPS ON HOME TOPICS. Minneapolia Journal: Aa orzaniiation "to solve tha bor problem" la tha lateat. The boy's real problem ta how to gat hunaelf at the wheal of the familr ear. Waihlnston Poatl The right to ipank a wife, recently affirmed by a New York Judse, will ba viewed m aome quartan as one more example of theoretical liberty. , , Pittebarsh Dispatch: It's all rliht tor Secretary Daniels to pat himielf on the back ever the new navy bill, but can ha tall whan the building of the ftnt chips will be begun t Cleveland Plain Dealer: A Chlcazo stu dent hat perfected a boomerang that can ba thrown t00 feet and will than coma back. But it can't compare for distance with, the political boomerang. ; . Philadelphia Ledger: Ne doubt the treas ury needs the 16.000.000 of surplus from the Poetomee department. But the chief pur pose ef the postal service is efficiency, not profit What ia the total losa to the people of the country through belated deliveries T Baltimore American: The New Jersey sheriff who won national fame during a big strike by holding up belligerents on both idea and putting down private armiee single-handed ta going to run for congress. But it elected what a aenaation he will create among the national law-making by insisting that they stop talking and get dowa to busi ness. Philadelphia Ledger: By no alchemy of politlca or statesmanship can it be brought about that a particular elass of people shall receive additional wagee of 150,000,001 without other people paying tha bill. The cost is simply paaaed oa to tbe rest ef the public. Just aa any other tax ia. It comes en them la tbe form of higher prices for bread, or for coal, or for sugar, or other aeeessttieB, , Bpringneld Republican i The rapid growth af the playground movement is shown by ths anaouneement of plane for the "International recreation eoagreea," to be held at Grand Rapids, Mich. October t to t. Among the 10,000 Americana to whom personal invita tions to attend have been sent are 7,007 pro fessional play leadera employed on. 1,104 playgrouude la 482 American cities. ; "Pre paredness for Peace Through Play,,' Is an nounced as the theme of the congress. Springfield Republican : Colonel George Harvey, om hie return from a vacation la Canada, is to come out for Hughes, the New York Tribune says, and Is expected to head a . committee of "prominent democrats" anxioua to help Hughee. The colonel can swap experlenceo with a etill more famous colonel aa to how it feela to get efter the scalp of the man you picked out and boomed for president only to And his election deed sea trait But will tha new love stay put! GRINS AND GROANS. He sB't you railroad that Job of . hair dressing? She How can I? He I notice you have plenty ef switches. Baltimore American. - "I tell you, eld chap, there's nothing like the auburba. 1 leave here at in tha morn ing, but Z am home promptly at T every night." "What do you do the reet ef the time?" "Well, for tbe laet two weeke we've been going to tbe roof gardens In town." Puck. DEAR. MR. KA6I88L17, WW CAM X BREW MV WSBNfc 07 irAOKlVK,1. MRS.BLWIT lJi HIS CIQAM. "It doesn't seem natural to me," eald father dear, "for people to wear furs In the aommer." "Why," exclaimed Oladys, 'It's a eustom that goes right back to nature. Nearlr all the quadrupeds do so." Washington Star. Nearrloh Tea. I'm proud to say that forty years ago I came to this country a bare footed boy. Saphley Br Jovel And now. 1 dare ssy, you have mora shoes than you really need! Judge. "I wish these illuatimtors would pick up a little general information." "How now?" "In my new book the artist has furnished a picture of five glrle playing bridge. Loulavllla Courier Journal. Bill I eee that the life of a dollar bill Is about fourteen months.1 ' Jill Well, If some of them oould talk they could testify to a misspent lite." Tanker's Statesman. "Mr dear, thle pie la a poem. Tour own work ?" - "The cook collaborated," she admitted with eome healtatton. Kansas City Journal. A ladr stopping at a hotel on the Pacifle coaat rang the bell the flret morning of her arrival and waa very much aurprlsed when a Japaneae bor opened the door and came in. "I pushed the button three times tor a maid." aha said sternly, as she dived uiirt. r the bed covers. Tee.'' the little fellow replied, "me ahr, New York Times. - A fanner went to a city Insurance office te get a poller on hla houae and barns. "What factlltlea have you for extinguish ing a Are In your village?" asked the in eurance man. - The farmer ecratched his bead and en dered the matter for a moment. "Well. It sometimes ralna." he aald. Beaton Trans cript. "To what do you attribute hla success?" ' "To the faot that he waa Investigated by a federal commission. Nobody ever heard of him before that." Puck. A SUMMER TRAGEDY. , Author Unknown. A thin little fellow had auch a fat wife, Fat wife, fat wife, God bless her: She looked like a drum and he looked tike a fife. God bless herl . ' To dress herl God bless herl To dress herl To wrap up her body and warm up her toes, . Fat toes, fat teea. Qod keep her! Per bonnets and bows and sltksn olethes, . To sat her, and drink her, and aleep her,' God keep her! To aleep herl Oood keep herl A To eleep her! She grew like a target he, grew like a eword, A sword, a sword, God spare herl She took all the bed and shs took ail the . board. And It took a whole sofa to bear her, Ood spare her! . To bear her! Ood spare her! . . 1 To bear her! She spread like a tartls; he shrank like a pike, A pike, a pike, Ood save him! And nobodr ever beheld the like, For they had to wear glasses to shave him, Ood aave him! To shave him! -4od savs him! ' r To shave him! She fattened awar till she burst one day, , Exploded, blew up. Ood take hert And all the people that aaw It ear , She covered over an acre! Ood take her! An acre! God take her! An acrs! 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