THE BEE: OMAHA, SATURDAY. SEPTEMBER 2, 1916.
THE OMAHA ' DAILY BEE
FOUNDED BY EDWARD KOSEWATER
VICTOR EOSEWATER, EDITOR
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CORRESPONDENCE.
Hddrese communications relating w news and editorial
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JULY CIRCULATION . -
57,569 Daily Sunday 52,382
!,.. anil mkilM manaeer of Tha Baa
Wishing Company, bamg dulr worn fere (' 'h
.varan eircluatton tor tna pianin o --
JJIS daily d M.8 Sundsy. . ,
T DWIGHT WILLIAMS. Circulation Manager.
! Subscribed la mr presence and awora to before ma
W . star of A'-HUNTER. Not-r PaMla.
Sabecribera UaTiaf tha city temporarily
should ban Tha Baa mailed la I ham. Ad
draaa will be changes! aa of Ira aa required.
(' CL.J.. t a.eAnhfi, tioll j nam.
aJllaaUU MffU 4 IVIIIVV' -
It is not the first time that stiff bluff scooped
the pot. ' ' 1
i I When GreekWets Bulgsr in battle amy, tte
sg-of-wsr arrives. ,-: ' .
Arbitration secure! I place on the shell of dis
irded esientialt for which the preiident la, "too
foud to fight." ' . . .
s
All that is now needed to clinch Indiana's
tip on the vie presidency is to pass the word to
'om Marshall. Charlie Fairbanks has hii'n.
I -, i1 1
, The Roumanian and the Bulgar Icings bear the
ime of Ferdinand. It is important to bear this in
' nind lest the tnixup on the mat confuse neutral
eiders. ' -" : !
; "No matter bow many hits the price uplift
cores on .consumers, so long as-slabs of pump
in pie remain in the jitney class joy will radiate
hrotigh oppressed souls.
The hand' that holds congress to urgent tasks
oints the index finger unerringly to November 7.
.11 that is done or proposed to be done Are fash
ned to produce results 'on that fateful day. .
i The first campaign shot of Colonel Roose
tit strikes a vulnerable spot in the; enemy en
fenchments. As a master of light and heavy ar
illery the colonel is without a home-made rival,
1 Wall street showed less fear of a strike than
jie rest of the country and backed ilj confidence
Hth money invested in railroad stocks, Wall
iret possessed ground floor knowledge of the
jafie.,. . V ' -
.:No doubt the vast majority of' railroad em
fjyes, working on the ten-hour plan, will en-
), congressional discrimination when they ob-
ve the favored minority speed past at an eight
. Nit '
British losses during August on all fronts
kttled 127,948 men, or an average of 4,265 a day,
i killed, wounded and misting. The price of war
bmee high, but Britain is paying the toll in lives
t 'well as cash. '
The congressional grant of' in eight-hour day
ten hours' pay to train operatives promises
assortment of trouble as, varied as the brew
1 the witch's cauldron, Already a shop strike on
enty-two railroads looms on the horizon. Dis-
tnimtion breeds discontent.'
j The Business Men's league 6t St. Louis
- pped into the railroad controversy with an ur
!nt appeal to the president to stand up for irbi
ition. At the same time the league overlooked
I i'ocil strike in which the employers assert "there
nothing to arbitrate. It makes a big differ-
3
ee whose ox is gored.
Nebraska Press Comment
' "Ainsworth Star-Journal: Lincoln milkmen are
' gels compared to those of Omaha, according to
'i tests made last week. In Omaha thirty milk
, en were fined, while in Lincoln not one so far
'.vs fell below the standard but then Commit
; sner Harman lives in Lincoln,'
i' Neligb Leader: The state tax levy, computed
1 1 the basis of mills, is seven-tenths of a mill
is than last year, but you wilt fait to see the de
' ease when yon scan your tax receipt next year,
: increased valuation of property making up for
t decrease in per cent. Don't get fooled, here-
re, by this when the democratic campaign ora-
ra come around this fall and use these figures
show you how they have decreased taxation.
Lincoln Star: A determined presiding officer
s legislative body can very easily test the bona
ii of measures leveled at large interests and
so doing sustain them if offered in good faith
i destroy their effect as holdup measures. There
men who come to every legislative session to
aneuver measures of this sort. In every ses
fin some of them go home much richer thin
' en they came. Some men of eminence in this
te have been known to receic large sums for
ir.g measures that were never intended to pass,
at ta how the lobby thrives and why every ef-
t to destroy it has failed.
i Grand Island Independent: Thia is the time
jien the editor's desk, because of the increase in
e price of news print and other necessities in
try well-appointed newspaper office has gone
yward, has become filled with sympathetic of
re. Everybody wants him to accept news and
acellineous services probably containing the
(motion of some ism to be paid for by adver
ting spacel If a newspaper which is conscien
jmsly endeavoring to merit the respect of all, to
Ida place in the best of our American homes,
respect every lovable ambition, every shade of
' -ions belief and every inspiration to a higher
i .iiiation might still, for this particular purpose,
loy the expression employed by him whom
erjr large proportion of the best church people
I this land now adore, revere and replenish by
I'ir shekels more than any other minister of
- d in the great broad land mind you, we say
v other minister of Cod, and are not disrespect
in the least in that case we have a burning
ire to sit, as to swell propositions, t la "Billy
,Uy: "To hell with 'emf"
' ' From Congress to the Courts.
The natural course for the eight-hour law that
is to set aside the threatened railroad strike is
from congress to the courts, and the" railroad
presidents frankly state their intention to speed
it along that route. This is a proper enough pro
ceeding, for the measure involves principles that
are vital to the social and industrial life of the
nations. Not alone are the railroads concerned
in the proposed legislation, but every form of
industry must be affected by it, and through it all
society. Therefore the importance of early es
tablishment of the power of congress to enact
laws fixing hours for employment, and to that
extent setting up wage scales can' be understood.
So far as the shorter workday is concerned, it
will ultimately be established. The one thing
to determine is whether it is to be achieved by
statutory enactment or by the readjustment of
industrial processes. . The passage of the law
may avert the strike, but it will not settle the
question.
Superb Stage Management
Mr. Wilson and his advisers are showing a
capacity for stage management that any theater
director might well envy. In the handling of the
controversy between the railroad men and man
agers, not s point of dramatic effect has been
overlooked, and now we are to see the melo
dramatic Just as Hawkshaw the Detective arose
to carry the message, so will Woodrow the Will
ing be present to sign the bill. Not at the White
House, however. That were too time and com
monplace a background for so thrilling a scene.
The stage will be set far more in accordance with
the spirit of the play that is about to end.
On the grass of Shadow Lawn, under the
spreading trees, and aurrounded by the admiring
hosts of embattled democracy, waiting to deliver
his set speech, the president will be approached by
a messenger, hastening at top speed from the halls
of congress, and bearing the newly passed law,
the ink not yet dry on its pages, Then, with that
dignity 'that has marked his every action, and
simplicity that would have made Jefferson's heart
swell with especial emotion, Mr. Wilson will at
tach his signature and the act of congress will be
come law. The last drop of political stimulant
will have been squeezed from a serious Industrial
crisis, and administration ctacquers will shout the
praiaes of the president, while the people will
wonder what might have happened if an election
Had not been impending.
David Belasco has something to learn in the
art of stage direction, and he may well study pro
ceedings at Shadow Lawn today.
Royalty In tht European War.
Unauthenticated reports come from Athens
that King Constantine of Greece has abdicated
his throne, and that his son has succeeded, the
younger man being favorably disposed to the
Entente Allies, whose pressure is surely forcing
Greece into the war. Along with thia is a further
report that a revolution has broken out in Greece.
Without regard for the reliability of the informa
tion, the truth of which may be established later,
the circumstance again calls attention to the
change that has come since the beginning of the
strife. . . : -. '
It may have been' true in the beginning that
the war was one of the rulers; then it was freely
predicted that it meant an end to royalty and
"divine right" rule. Developments support the
conclusion that the war has become on of the
people, and has gone beyond the control of kings
and cabinets. No European monarch cart now
approach hit subjects. with a proposal for peace
that does not embody- something of permanent
advantage to them. The national instinct re
ferred to by Jonescu in connection with Rou
manian action has been aroused amongst all the
nations, and it must be reckoned with not only,
now but at the conclusion of any peace that may
be established, f The Berlin congress of 1878,
when Russia's adjuatment with Turkey was set
aside, is looked to as the chief source of the pres
ent conflict and blunders then made in council
are now being rectified on battlefields. '
. King Constantine's expressed desire to remain
neutral, whether or not supported by his sense of
obligation to his brother-in-law, tne German em
peror, has been overruled by his people, and he
is not alone in thia predicament. Royalty is not
the dominant factor in the world war today,
. . Underwood Law and Revenue,
Congress put aside an emergency revenue
measure to deal with the railroad situation, but
must before adjournment resume consideration of
means for securing income to meet the more than
a billion and a half of dollars appropriated by this
session. Promises of retrenchment and reform in
expenditures have been kept by making each suc
ceeding year larger disbursements, each congress
for four years establishing a new high mark in
extravagance. The further fact must be kept in
mind that when the Wilson administration came
into power the treasury held a surplus of $85,
000,000. On last Tuesday, the deficit for the cur
rent fiscal year, beginning with July 1, was $31,
858,638, accumulating at the rate of more than a
million dollars a day.
' This deficit is due to the failure of the Under
wood tariff law to produce the revenue, even when
supplemented by the unusual and special taxes
that have been levied, such as the income tax,
the stamp tax and the like. Imports have in
creased half a billion in value and customs reve
nue has decreased more than $100,000,000 for the
year under the Underwood tariff law. This neces
sitates emergency laws to produce $205,000,000 in
addition to the sale of $130,000,000 of bonds.
The unescapable fact is that the democratic
"tariff for revenue" law has been a flat failure.
Imports have increased and income has decreased.
This is part of the record on which the democratic
administration is to be tried, and for a defense to
which it sets up that the president "has kept-us
out of war."
An attempt to equalise the income tax down
ward brought the wrath of King1 Caucus on Sen
ator Underwood. The idea of the Alabama sen
atoi has some merit, but lacked tactical oppor
tunism. A federal taxing scheme which would
touch the purses of 200,000 voters at thia critical
time is unthinkable. Some other time.
Industrious ward heelers are said to have voted
the names of three bulldogs at the recent prima
ries at Wheeling, W. Vs. As the names were
attached to live dogs the gravestone eminence of
Philadelphia heelers remains untarnished.
! '
, Yeggmen cracked bank safes at Danville in,
and got away with aome of the goods. - This
method it crude and improper, inasmuch aa it
lacks the starched front andvfinesse of working
S private bank in Chicago.
i Ton Av
Thought Nugget for the Day.
Reason is the life of the law; nay, the common
law itself is nothing else but reason. Sir fcdwara
Coke. ,
One Year Ago Today in the War.
Grodno fell before Germans, last of great
Russian fortresses on frontier.
Four Turkish transports sunk by British sub
marines in Dardanelles.
Cardinal Gibbons delivered the Pope s message
to President Wilson concerning peace in Europe.
Paris reported severe artillery fighting on the
Aisne river, at Nieuport in Belgium, and many
points in France.
This Day in Omaha Thirty Years Ago.
I. N. Pierce, who has been superintendent of
the county poor farm for the last eight years, has
removed with his family to the corner of Twenty
eighth and Leavenworth. John Mahoney suc
ceeds him at the poor farm. ,
C. E. Mayne and Dennis Cunningham have
purchased the wonderful horse, Consul, for
flO.OW. ' , . . ,
Creighton College has reopened with the fol
lowing faculty: Rev. M. P. Dowling, Rev. Joseph
F. Riggs, Rev. James O'Meara, F. X. Mara, James
Canahan, James Melvny, T. J.-Russell, T. - P.(
Downey and W. F. O'Shaughnessy. -
Frank A. Kost of the letter carrier force is in
Iowa City, where he will be married to Miss
Maggie Anderson. ... ,
Will Koenig, an old Omaha boy, is in the city.
He contemplates erecting a large brick block here.
Detective Charles Emery, with a corps of
operatives, has established headquarter! on Thir
teenth and Harney. . . ,
Misses Leighton and Brown, teachers in the
Leavenworth school, and Miss McCarthy, princi
pal of the Pacific school, have returned from their
summer vacation prepared to vigorously lead the
young idea.
Judge Stenburg administered the oath to six
new regular policemen whose names are: Mike
McCarthy, Patrick Galligan, Thomas Casey, John
Robbins, Louis Codala, Joseph Polensky.
This Day in History.
1788 First court held in Ohio at Marietta. .
1800 Dr. Willard Parker, who established the
first cotlege clinic in the United States, born at
Hillsboro, N. H. Died in New York City, April
25 1884
' 1816 -A great hurricane devastated St. Croix,
one of the principal islands of the West Indian
group, which the United States is now seeking to
purchase. ,
1857 Watt's first steam engine was lost in a
fire that destroyed the Glasgow Polytechnic in
stitution. ' ' ,
1862 General Kirby Smith advanced on Cin
cinnati, and martial law was proclaimed in that
city. . ,
1870 Napoleon III and the garrison at Sedan
surrendered to the king of Prussia.
1873 Anniversary of Sedan celebrated at Ber
lin by unveiling of monument of "Victory." '
1884 Prohibition party of Kansas organized in
state convention at Lawrence.
1893 Revision of Belgian constitution com
pleted after four years' discussion.'
1894 Awful conflagration at Hinckley and
other towns in Minnesota; over 500 people per
ished. ' ,
1898 Sir Herbert Kitchener, commanding the
British and Egyptian army in the. Sudan, won a
great victory over the Dervishes at Omdurman,
near Khartoum.
l906-Tlie Emperor of China issued an edict
promising constitutional government, f
,1908 The French defeated 15,000 Moorish
tribesmen on the Algerian frontier.
The Day We Celebrate.
General Victor Dousmanis, chief of staff of
the Greek army, born on the island of Corfu,
fifty-five years ago today. '
Hiram W. Johnson, governor of California,
progressive candidate for vice president and re
publican candidate for senator, born at Sacra
mento, Cal fifty years ago today.
Hoke' Smith, United Statet tenator from
Georgia, born at Newton, N. C, sixty-one years
ago today.
Hiram P. Maxim, celebrated inventor of elec
trical devices and ordnance, born in Brooklyn,
N. Y forty-seven years ago today.
Dr; Frederick Starr, celebrated anthropologist
of the University of Chicago, born at Auburn, N.
Y fifty-eight years ago today. "
Archduchess Elizabeth, daughter of the late
Crown Prince Rudolph of Austria and Princess
Stephanie, born thirty-three years ago today.
Henrietta Crosman, one of the well-known
actresses of the American stage, born at Wheel
ing, W. Va., forty-six1 years ago today.'
General James H. Wilson, one of the few sur
viving general, officers of the union army, born at
Shawneetown, III., seventy-nine years ago today.
.Henry D. Flood, representative in congress of
the Tenth Virginia district, born :n Appomattox
county, Virginia, fifty-one years ago today.
Rev. Newell Dwight Hillis, noted clergyman
and author, born ' at Magnolia, la., fifty-eight
years ago today.
Timely Jottings and Reminders,'
-' Today is the 250th anniversary of the great
fire of London. .. -
St. Stephen's day will be observed today by
Hungarians throughout the worm.
President Wilson is to be officially notified at
Long Branch today of his renomination for the
presidency.
Charles E. Hughes, republican nominee for
president, is to spend today and tomorrow in St.
Louis.
Secretary of Labor William- B. Wilson is
scheduled to address the Bluegrast Federation of
Labor at Lexington, Ky., today. "
The democratic campaign in Illinois is to be
formally opened today with conferences and ral
lies at every county teat.
Delegates from many sections of the country
will gather in Pittsburgh today for the annual
convention of the Polish Military Alliance of
America.
Champ Clark, speaker of the national house, is
scheduled to deliver the oration today at an old
settlers' day celebration at Effingham, 111.
The town of Moscow, in Clermont county,
Ohio, will hold a celebration today in honor of
the 100th anniversary of its founding.
"The annual convention of the National Feder
ation of State,. City, Town and County Employes'
unions is to be held today at Worcester, Mass.
A democratic primary is to be held today in
the Seventh Virginia district to nominate a can
didate for congress to succeed James Hay, who
has been given a federal judgeship. .'.,
Storyettt of tht Day.
- Mr. Giltstock had made money. Therefore,
he must have a bigger house and it must be built
for him by the best architect in the town.
In due course the architect arrived with elab
orate plans, which he explained to the puzzled
merchant prince.
"Now, the only thing remaining, Mr. Gilstock,"
he concluded, "is the drawing room. Where shall
we put the drawing room?"
But Mr, Giltstock laid a firm hand on the desk.
"Look here, my boy, I draw the line some
where. You've made plant for a smoking room,
when I don't smoke; a music room, when I can't
even play a mouth organ; a nursery, when I ain't
fot a nurse, a pantry, when I don't pant. But
m blamed if I'm going to let you put up a draw
ing room, when I can't even draw a straight line!"
Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. . .
gar B
LooniU on Light and Heat.
Gibbon, Neb., Aug. 2$. To the Ed
itor of The Bee: I would Ilka apace
in The Be to reply to William
Smith's last article In Tha Bee of the
J 3d lnat. He stated In ht pre
vious article. In The Bee of the
tth fnst, that the slanting raya of the
sun were colder than the direct raya
because they "had so much longer
path through our atmosphere, which
made them colder. Now what tem
perature could these rays have held
when they reached our atmosphere
after having passed through SS.OOO,
000 miles of Interstellar apace at 27 J
degree! below seroT So It la plainly
the province of our atmosphere to
warm those rays instead of cooling
them. I am glad to aee that he agrees
with me that there Is no difference in
temperature between our perihelion
and aphelion distances. Re - states
that our sun te composed of gas a lit
tle more dense than water, and that
other auna are composed of gaa about
the tenuity of our atmoaphere, or
lighter. Now, I cannot conceive of
either liquid or gaa of that consist
ence, whether composed of atoms,
molecules or particles, that can be
made to produce heat by friction or
agitation. If It could be done, our
atmosphere (composed of gases), as
well as the water In our lakes and
oceans, should be made hot when ag
itated by violent atorms. Scientists
formerly believed the sun's heat was
produced by combination until com
mon sense taught Its absurdity, then,
like a drowning man catching at a
straw, they took up the theory of
auch intense heat by friction, but it la
like "Jumping out of the frying pan
Into tha flre.'T
I did not presume the sun was In
habitable, as It would have to supply
Ita own light and heat and would be
too hot under foot or too cold over
head to sustain life, either animal or
plant And the same rule would hold
good for the outer planets, which Mr.
Smith claims are aelf-heated. They
must have light and heat from out
side or else be uninhabitable, and,
therefore, useless. .
Mr. Smith states that the color of
the different suns Indicate their tem
perature. Will he explain the ruddy
appearance of the planet Mars, our
nearest outside neighbor and nearly
flfty million miles further from tbe
aun than we are, whose red light is
plainly seen by the - naked eye and
whose regular illnes are supposed to
be canals, and' whose white spots at
the poles, evidently snow and ice,
which increaae to aome 12 desrees
across when winter conditions pre
vail at either pole, and nearly or
quite disappear during the summer
solstice. It la evidently not a hot
planet but has about the same tem
perature as we have. Probably the
same cause that gives Mara its red
color also gives color to the various
suns. , . 1
Probably, like many of your read
ers, I am not well enough posted in
spectrum analysis to discuss those
points intelligently, so will pass them,
but think I can make my contentions
plain by the following illustration,
not considering the outside planets
at present: We may consider our
planet placed on the surface of a
sphere of apace 186,000,000 miles in
dinmeter, with the sun at its center.
Now, according to Mr. Smith's theory,
the whole surface of that vast sphere
must continually receive the, same
degree of light and heat that we do,
and its whole interior space must also
receive the same degree of light and
heat at Ita surface, but must gradu
ally Increaae in Intensity as It ap
proaches the sun, and when near the
sun must be hot enough to vaporise
the most refractory metals.
Now, If our moon and Mercury,
and possibly Venus, are. uninhabita
ble on account of their long diurnal
revolution, all. that vast store of light
and heat Is wasted except the inflni
tlsimal amount that I our planet
usea. But let us consider the outer
planet and extend the sphere in all
directions to the distance of the orbit
of Neptune, two and three-fourths
billion miles from the sun, and all
that great sphere to be lighted and
heated continually as above stated,
and I think the absurdity of the
theory will be apparent to all. But
let us look at the other theory. Now,
we all know that electricity is all
around us, and with proper appli
ance can be called Into Instantaneous
use anywhere on earth. - Now, what
is more reasonable than to suppose
that our planetary bodies, revolving
around the sun with the sun acting
aa a great dynamo, are furnishing
light and heat of uniform tempera
ture to all the planetary bodies in our
solar aystem regardless of their dis
tance from the sun or the tempera
ture of intervening space, and with
out any waste of energy?
Now, thanking The Bee and Wil
liam Smith of Bellevue college for
the valuable aaaiatance they have ren
dered me In getting thia before the
public, I am willing to let the' public
Judge aa to which of the two theories
is the more reasonable.
ELLIOTT LOOMIS.
TIPS ON HOME TOPICS.
Minneapolia Journal: Aa orzaniiation "to
solve tha bor problem" la tha lateat. The
boy's real problem ta how to gat hunaelf
at the wheal of the familr ear.
Waihlnston Poatl The right to ipank a
wife, recently affirmed by a New York Judse,
will ba viewed m aome quartan as one more
example of theoretical liberty. , ,
Pittebarsh Dispatch: It's all rliht tor
Secretary Daniels to pat himielf on the back
ever the new navy bill, but can ha tall whan
the building of the ftnt chips will be begun t
Cleveland Plain Dealer: A Chlcazo stu
dent hat perfected a boomerang that can ba
thrown t00 feet and will than coma back.
But it can't compare for distance with, the
political boomerang. ; .
Philadelphia Ledger: Ne doubt the treas
ury needs the 16.000.000 of surplus from
the Poetomee department. But the chief pur
pose ef the postal service is efficiency, not
profit What ia the total losa to the people
of the country through belated deliveries T
Baltimore American: The New Jersey
sheriff who won national fame during a big
strike by holding up belligerents on both
idea and putting down private armiee single-handed
ta going to run for congress. But
it elected what a aenaation he will create
among the national law-making by insisting
that they stop talking and get dowa to busi
ness. Philadelphia Ledger: By no alchemy of
politlca or statesmanship can it be brought
about that a particular elass of people
shall receive additional wagee of 150,000,001
without other people paying tha bill. The
cost is simply paaaed oa to tbe rest ef the
public. Just aa any other tax ia. It comes
en them la tbe form of higher prices for
bread, or for coal, or for sugar, or other
aeeessttieB, ,
Bpringneld Republican i The rapid growth
af the playground movement is shown by ths
anaouneement of plane for the "International
recreation eoagreea," to be held at Grand
Rapids, Mich. October t to t. Among the
10,000 Americana to whom personal invita
tions to attend have been sent are 7,007 pro
fessional play leadera employed on. 1,104
playgrouude la 482 American cities. ; "Pre
paredness for Peace Through Play,,' Is an
nounced as the theme of the congress.
Springfield Republican : Colonel George
Harvey, om hie return from a vacation la
Canada, is to come out for Hughes, the New
York Tribune says, and Is expected to head
a . committee of "prominent democrats"
anxioua to help Hughee. The colonel can
swap experlenceo with a etill more famous
colonel aa to how it feela to get efter the
scalp of the man you picked out and boomed
for president only to And his election deed
sea trait But will tha new love stay put!
GRINS AND GROANS.
He sB't you railroad that Job of . hair
dressing? She How can I?
He I notice you have plenty ef switches.
Baltimore American.
- "I tell you, eld chap, there's nothing like
the auburba. 1 leave here at in tha morn
ing, but Z am home promptly at T every
night."
"What do you do the reet ef the time?"
"Well, for tbe laet two weeke we've been
going to tbe roof gardens In town." Puck.
DEAR. MR. KA6I88L17,
WW CAM X BREW MV
WSBNfc 07 irAOKlVK,1.
MRS.BLWIT
lJi HIS CIQAM.
"It doesn't seem natural to me," eald
father dear, "for people to wear furs In the
aommer."
"Why," exclaimed Oladys, 'It's a eustom
that goes right back to nature. Nearlr all
the quadrupeds do so." Washington Star.
Nearrloh Tea. I'm proud to say that forty
years ago I came to this country a bare
footed boy.
Saphley Br Jovel And now. 1 dare ssy,
you have mora shoes than you really need!
Judge.
"I wish these illuatimtors would pick up
a little general information."
"How now?"
"In my new book the artist has furnished
a picture of five glrle playing bridge.
Loulavllla Courier Journal.
Bill I eee that the life of a dollar bill
Is about fourteen months.1 '
Jill Well, If some of them oould talk they
could testify to a misspent lite." Tanker's
Statesman.
"Mr dear, thle pie la a poem. Tour own
work ?"
- "The cook collaborated," she admitted
with eome healtatton. Kansas City Journal.
A ladr stopping at a hotel on the Pacifle
coaat rang the bell the flret morning of her
arrival and waa very much aurprlsed when
a Japaneae bor opened the door and came in.
"I pushed the button three times tor a
maid." aha said sternly, as she dived uiirt. r
the bed covers.
Tee.'' the little fellow replied, "me ahr,
New York Times. -
A fanner went to a city Insurance office
te get a poller on hla houae and barns.
"What factlltlea have you for extinguish
ing a Are In your village?" asked the in
eurance man. -
The farmer ecratched his bead and en
dered the matter for a moment. "Well. It
sometimes ralna." he aald. Beaton Trans
cript. "To what do you attribute hla success?" '
"To the faot that he waa Investigated by
a federal commission. Nobody ever heard
of him before that." Puck.
A SUMMER TRAGEDY. ,
Author Unknown.
A thin little fellow had auch a fat wife,
Fat wife, fat wife, God bless her:
She looked like a drum and he looked tike
a fife.
God bless herl
. ' To dress herl
God bless herl
To dress herl
To wrap up her body and warm up her toes, .
Fat toes, fat teea. Qod keep her!
Per bonnets and bows and sltksn olethes, .
To sat her, and drink her, and aleep her,'
God keep her!
To aleep herl
Oood keep herl
A To eleep her!
She grew like a target he, grew like a
eword,
A sword, a sword, God spare herl
She took all the bed and shs took ail the .
board.
And It took a whole sofa to bear her,
Ood spare her! .
To bear her!
Ood spare her! . . 1
To bear her!
She spread like a tartls; he shrank like a
pike,
A pike, a pike, Ood save him!
And nobodr ever beheld the like,
For they had to wear glasses to shave him,
Ood aave him!
To shave him! -4od
savs him! '
r To shave him!
She fattened awar till she burst one day, ,
Exploded, blew up. Ood take hert
And all the people that aaw It ear ,
She covered over an acre!
Ood take her!
An acre!
God take her!
An acrs!
LEAF
elf
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