THE BEE: OMAHA, SATURDAY. AUGUST 12, 1916.
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE
FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSEWATEK
VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR
THE BEE PUBLISHING COMPANY, HtOPKIETOa.
Intertd at Omaha twatoWa. aa aeenS-eUee nattar.
TERMS OP SUBSCRIPTION.
By Carrier
par month
Dallr ana1 Sander ,...S5c.....
Mir witaaut 8umUf 45e
venlat and Sander ...40e
Eaealna without Sundar ISa
Sundar Be only aw.
By Mall
par raer.
..Y..IS.M
4t
S.St
4.tt
l.tt
Dally and Bandar Baa, three yaara In Mvanee, "TS
Sand Mtiea f ehanse of addreee or Irretularlty ta aa
ll.err U Omaha Baa, escalation Department.
, REMITTANCE,
tamtt by draft, aiprna of peetal ordar. Only s-eeijl atamw
taken la yaymant of amall eeeounte. Paraonal anecka.
neapt " Omaha and aaitara aachense, not aeeapUd.
OFFICES.
Omaha The Baa Bullilna.
Booth Omaha 18 18 N etrwet.
Council Bluffa 14 North Mala atraat. .
Lincoln (24 Llttla Bnlldlnf.
anaa 111 Paonla'l aa Dulimna.
Nrw York Room 801, t8 Fifth a vena a.
a , Km Ranlr Mf f!nfnmra.
Waahlnaton 1U Ponrtaanth atraat. N. W.
. CORRESPO DENCE.
AMreas cammanleationa rtlatlnr to nws and editorial
1 u Omaha Baa, KflKorwi waparunan.
. JULY CIRCULATION.
57,569 Daily Sunday 52,382
Darlcht Williams, eiraulattoa aianater of Tha Baa
pnMlabinf eompany, halng duly sworn, aars that tha
eiremation tor ton nana 01
URHlfll aiUlilAHB. wis,." . ,
Saaeerlbed In my preeenea ana aworn ta hafo-
leis.
BERT HUNTER, Notary PabMe.
Una M any of August, Hit.
i ROl
Sabecribera leering tha city tempererilr ,
aheruld have Tha Baa mailed to them. Ad.
Irwes trill be a beefed aa oftea aa raquaalad.
,ewawasaiaaaan.assaaaesasaaaaaaaaee.aaa-
. : Good ram in the corn belt securely anchors
pToiperity to the right spot.
It Is aa good is settled that pork-packing op
eration! will cease in Washington alter March 4,
1917. , . v. .
I ; The wooing, of the west by Candidate Hughes
is s pleasant task. Like Barkis, the west is will
ing and joyfully meets the wooer more than halt
way.- -..
-. The defeat of democrats by republicans in the
congressional base ball championship game adds
one more to the many incidents showing where
the presidential pennant is bound to land. , ;
It is apparent from the record that the mem
bers of the Federal Civil Service commission
must have done some lively side-stepping to es
i espe suspension with the rest of the furniture.
Various remedies for the print paper shortage
are suggeted, but the manufacturers are not im
pressed. Why should they be? From the dividend;
viewpoint preaciu wuuiuuiia aiv cuiiiivmij au-
factory.' .
There are no strings or mental reservations
to the public pledges of administrative reform
given by Charles E. Hughes. His record as gov
ernor of New York guarantees the fulfillment of
every promise. .- ' ' , , .'ft .;
' Congressman Reavis lends the Strength of per
sonat observation to the current impression that
"the east is strong for Hughes." The middle
west reciprocates the feeling and confidently
awaits the ballot box decision. , , "
The old "iron horse" is far outclassed by the
-modern "iron mule." The former' was useless
without a prepared track. The latter makes its
own track and plows it under. Thus does inven
live skill mark another progressive epoch.
I
1
: Still, the butchers might help some in reducing
the high cost of beef by refusing to market the
veal. complained of. Tempting housekeepers with
tender cuts and then accusing the buyer of crime
smacks too much of the old Adam to be taken
seriously. -:' ''.''V .v .V,; ;
- Another name is added to the list of ''deserv
ing democrats" gone wrong. The plight of Rapid
City's land register, accused-of past financial mis
deed In a municipal office, suggests the need of a
thorough search before jumping from a city to a
federal job. Safety, first.
- Postmaster General Burleson I too foxy a
politician to adopt for his department the Mc
Adoo rule forbidding Treasury department em
ployes participating in politic. Mr. Burleson
realises that postmasters are entitled to some
exercise for the money. . , "
Congressman Cyclone Davis of Texas rightly
visions the situation when he say the ship of
state is drifting toward the rocks in the Lone
1 Star state. The fact that half a thousand demo
crats in one Texas county organized a Hughe
club make fairly dear the cause of the gloom
in the Cyclone belt. '
Burleson Also in Spotlight
It was not alone in the State department, nor
in -the Department of Commerce, that Mr. Wil
son's cabinet officers sought places wherewith
to "reward deserving democrats." Every branch
of governmental administration was ransacked,
and out of this grows a charge that comes home
to the president himself. It is in connection with
the Postoffice department, and the record made
by Postmaster General Burleson. Normally, the
postmaster general has enormous patronage at
his disposal, but' apparently he didn't hive enough
to satisfy the demand of the hungry horde of
democrats, each of whom felt himself to be de
serving, at least to the extent of holding down
a government job. To meet this inordinate appe
tite of hi partisans, on May 7, 19U, two months
and three day after he had taken office, Mr. Wil-
on, by executive order, placed the fourth-class J
postmasters of the country on the competitive
basis. These offices, by executive orders of repub
lican prcsidenta, had been "covered in, which
means that the incumbents were made secure in
their positions without regard to competitive ex
amination. President Wilson overturned this, and
the democrats took full advantage of it.
How many iourth-class postmasters were
changed cannot be told without a complete ex
amination of the records, and this is denied. The
National Civil Service Reform league has made
request for permission to examine, the records,
that some idea might be had of how extensive
this raid on the classified service became. To this
request the Civil Service commission, through it
president, ha made reply that such an examina
tion cannot be made, because fact that might be
determined by the records would be used to "criti
cise- or embarrass the administration.
Therefore, the Burleson contribution to the
"reward of deserving democrats" will not be made
public at this time in its entirety., It is known
that the postmaster general went a far as he
could, and'with the full approval of the president,
Mediation Hopeful Sign. ;
Submission of the differences between the rail
road (brotherhoods and the railroad manager to
a board of mediation i a hopeful sign. jOn the
surface the action of the brotherhoods in de
clining to modify their demands by a single point
looks as if even mediation would be a failure,
and the president would be permitted to thrust
his federal arbitration board between the antago
nists. But look a little below the surface, and
the case does not appear so desperate. When the
parties to any dispute art willing to place their
case in the hand of t disinterested board for
inquiry aa to the merit on either side, the end
of the fight is pretty nearly in sight. No con
troversy ever arose in which kit the right was on
one side and all the wrong on the other, 'Be
tween any set of disputant there ia necessarily
a middle ground on which they can meet How
to find this balance is sometime not easy, but
it may be found if it is looked for in proper spirit
Wage disputes are better adjusted by conciliation,
by the give and take method than by any other
means. The mediators now at work on the rail
road wage scale should find way that will lead
to peace. . .
v "New Ideas" Are Worth While.
: Omaha's Commercial club, with the assistance
of the newspapers, has embarked on an enter
prise that ought to bring forth something of
merit. IP is a quest for new ideas, plans for
furthering the growth and development of the
city, along, all tines. Especial attention is to be
developed to the industrial nceda of the city, but
no suggestion that may. be beneficial in any way
ia to be ignored. .The time is also opportune,
for citizens are returning from visits" abroad, and
ought to come back with impression or experi
ence gained in other cities that might be of serv
ice here, If each of the returning pilgrim will
write out some one thing that attracted his notice
while visiting another town, and which he think
would be good for Omaht to adopt,, the Com-
mere'! club will toon find itself in possession of a
valuable collection of suggestions, out Of which a
definite program for improvement could be
worked. The game is open to everybody.
People and Events
William S. Carter, president of the Brotherhood
of Locomotive Firemen, wa once a Texas
cowboy. . ; . ,
Robert E. Lee, a grandson of the famous con
federate chieftain, is secretary-treasurer of the
League of American Municipalities.
- George Sutherland, who it slated by Utah re
publican for re-election to the United State sen
ate, is one of the few England-born member of
Congress. ,;': -:.'' , '''
It is a fact not generally known that Emperor
William wa an extensive owner of diamond
mine in German Southwest Africa, which may
be lost to him as a result of the war. .
Hiram W. Johnson, one-time candidate for vice
president, present governor of California and
aspirant for the United State senatorship, will
celebrate hi fiftieth birthday anniversary next
month. '- ' .. -
Judge Charles E. Lobdell, one of the member
of the new Farm Loan board provided in the
rural credit act, is proud of the fact that he
wa the first native-born Kansan to be admitted
to the bar in that state. ,
. Irving Berlin, known as the "ras-tiihe ltintr."
began life as a newsboy on the east aide of
New York City, When he had saved money
enough he opened a small restaurant and used
. to entertain hi patron with piano selection of
nis own composition. .
Reuben Borland, who haa lust been made nraai.
dent of the largest carpet manufacturing concern
in the world,- began his career as a bobbin boy m
one of the factories belonging to the comoanv
of which he w now the head. His salary a a
beginner was $ a Week. As president he is to
receive tiuu.isju a year. i.
' Frederick Dozier Gardiner, who l;a been noml
nated by the democrats of Missouri for the nov-
ernorship, is a wealthy St Louis manufacturer.
1 He left his home on a Tennessee farm at the age
of 17 and went to Indianapolt, where he sold
papers.' Then he went to St. Louis and began
woTK ior ist company wnxn ne now neaos.
Our Mayor in Washington, ' '
When the mayor of a great city goes abroad,
he it the conscious embodiment of the dignity
and power, the importance and capacity of hi
bailiwick, and aa such he exceed in degree ordi
nary mortals, and at times even congressmen.
This fact waa impressively illustrated at Wash
ington, whither Mayor "Jim" sojourned after ful
filling his quest at New York. It was to "wise up"
the administration at to Omaha's qualifications aa
land bank location that our burgomeiater sought
out the secretary of treasury and the bank board
in conclave. ' Charles Otto Lobeck attended, that
he might see that the punctilio, of such occasion
was duly observed. Was heuieeded? About aa
much a, he it in congress. Wnen Omaha's mayor
came into the presence, the secretary of treasury
took one look at that shining dome, and rising
from hi seat, .exclaimed: "Hello. Jim!" And
"Jim," true to hi democratic instincts as welt as
his western affability, answered: "Hello, aecre.
taryl" Thus another great epoch wa safely
passed. Omaha may not get the land bank, but
it people can rest content in the comforting
knowledge that their mayor doesn t need a cice
rone in Washington. .
Thought Nugget for the Day. ,
Six day at ' drudgery' heavy wheel he stands,
The eventh sweet morning' folds her, weary
. hands; -,
Ye, child of suffering, thou mayst well be sure
He who ordained the Sabbath love the ikkmv
O. W. Holmes.
Ons Year Ago Today in the War.
Russians stopped desperate Teuton assaults
north of Chelm.
Germaas captured Siedlce and made progress
toward the Bug river. u
Allies landed troops, estimated at 50,000 by the
Turks, on Gallipoli peninsula.
Rntiah natrol vessel Ramsev sunk by German
auxiliary steamer Meteor, the Meteor then being
sunk by British cruisers. .
This Day in Omaha Thirty Years Ago.
Messr. Pritchett and Cowin, each representing
one side ot the cable-horse railway injunction
suit, have informed Judge Post, before whom the
case was to have been argued on next Monday,,
that he need take no steps in the matter until re
quested by them, as a petition has been filed in
the district court by which the railroad contro
versy will be removed to the United State dis
trict court. -
Secretary Nattmser of the Board of Trade ha
received a communication from the Council Bluff
, Cupid' Way Still the Better!''
From the day when the cave man smote the
lady jf his heart over the head with his club and
bore her to his hole in the hillside to the time
when the bucolic twain answers the advertisement
in the matrimonial paper ttretchet considerable
distances at measured in years. ' Between these
period the firm of Cupid k Hymen has built up
a most extensive and generally successful bust
nest. Their methods at least have the approval of
a large number of mortals, who have tried the
plan, which is both elective and selective. Varia
tions and modifications have been encountered
among different peoples, but the underlying prin
ciple ia the same everywhere. . With all the ex
perience of ages to guide him, it passe under
tending that even a Kansas simpleton, which is
about the limit in simplicity, should venture on a
matrimonial alliance, the foundation of which it
laid in an advertisement Romance i not yet
dead, nor it it likely to be, and both Cupid and
Hymen mutt enjoy the confution of the luckiest
twain who permits himself to be befooled into
marriage with one who advertises her charms in
other than the methods known 'to womankind
tine Eve't time.
Plenty of work for thote willing to work,
epitomizes the industrial situation in Omaha,
Those who loaf do to from choice. .
"3tjC33t aavt warn ' . "'l'2P
Wire, Tacit & Kail works, who are seeking to re
move their plant to this city. They desire to in
crease their capital stock and facilities and will
remove to Omaha if inducements in the matter
of stock and location are offered them.
Thomas rnd lames Brennan of the Chicago
police force, are in the city, the guests of Captain
u uonognue. incy are on tneir way to vrrnnu
Island, where they have considerable real estate.
Colonel 1. N. Cornish, one of the tint tettiert
of Hamburg, Ia., a lawyer well known through
Iowa and Nebraska, haa decided to move to uma-
ha and will commence the erection of a fine brick
residence at the corner of Tenth and William.
Ed J. Cornish of thit city and Al J. Cornish of
Lincoln are sons ot colonel t-ormsn.
Mr. Ktrchbraun. a oroduce commission mer
chant of San Francisco, is visiting his ton, C
Kirchbraun, manager of Kircnbraun k Sons
Commission' house of this city... . '
The rails have been laid the entire- length ot
the Belt Line except upon the bridge across Cum
ing street.
This Day in History. ,
1816 Charles Coffin Jewett. noted bibliograph
er, first librarian of Smithsonian institution and
first superintendent of Boston public library, born
at Lebanon, Me. Died at Braintree, Mass., Jan
uary 9, 1868. ; v.
ltUJ first election ot town officers in
Chicago. 1
1KW British and rrench detested Chinese at
Pei-ho. -
1861 Office of the Democrat, a secession
newspaper published at Bangor, Me., entirely de
stroyed by a mob.
180 2usnension of specie payments oy Bank
of France. , -
1876 Benjamin Disraeli. British premier, was
created earl of Beaconsfield.
1889 Emoeror Franeis Toseoh of Austria
visited German Emperor William II at Berlin.
lovl James Kussell Lowell, the famous poet
died at Cambridge, Mass. Born there, February
22. 1819. .. . . .
1898 An armistice was proclaimed between
the United Statet and Spain.
1899 Tercentenary of the birth of Vandyck
celebrated at Antwerp.
ivuz Mng tdward VII, received the Indian
princes and colonial premier! wflo had come to at
tend nis coronation. -
The Day We Celebrate. , ' .
Otto Lickert. one of Omaha's policemen.
ttarted on his earthly beat forty-eight years ago
today, ne was Dorn in Uermanv.
Urand Duke Alexis, heir apparent to the Rus
sian imperial throne, born twelve years ago today,
i Baron Chelmsford, the present viceroy 'and
governor general of India,. born forty-eight year
ago today. - . , , .j ,
James w. wads worth, united States senator
from Mew York, born at ueneseo, N. thirty
nine years ago todav. ''
Mary Roberts Rinehart. the American author
whoae war book has been suppressed by the Brit
ish censor, born in Pittsburgh, forty years' ago
today. " ' ' ,.. .
famine Frederick, well-known actress, now a
favorite in motion pictures, born in Boston, thirty-
two years ago today. -
Julius Kosenwald. noted Chicago merchant and
philanthropist, born at Springfield, 111., fifty-four
years ago today. -
Christy Mathewson. manager of the Cincin
nati National league base ball team, born at Fac
torvville. Pa., thirtv-six vears atro todav.
Kay w. Schalk, catcher of the Chicago Ameri
can league base ball team, born at Harwell, III.,
twenty-iour years ago today. s
Timely jottings and Keminderst
Charles E, Hughes, republican presidential
nominee, is scheduled to speak at Helena todav
and at Butte and Missoula tonight. Sunday will
ot spent at spokane.
With a view to stimulating recruiting, the
American Defense society ia to open a prepared
ness exhibit today at Glen Island, in Long Island
sound. ;
- Rear Admiral Clifford J. Boush, who com
manded the second division of the Atlantic fleet at
Vera Cruz, goes on the retired list of the navy to
day on account ot age.
Mrs. Elsey S. Corliss, residing near Kansas
City. Kan., has invited Governor Canoer and
other notables to attend a party today in celebra
tion oi ncr luutn Dtrinoay.
The annual summer conference of the Home
Mission institute will be opened at Chautauaua.
N. Y.. today, under the auspices of the Council of
women tor Home Missions.
Undaunted by six successive defeats, the demo
crats ot the Ninth district of Virginia will con
vene at Bristol today to nominate a candidate to
oppose Representative Slemp, the only republican
mcniucr ui inc v irginia delegation in congress.
Stroy-ette of the Day. '
In a little bush leagueitown out west the bait
club considers itself lucky if, at the end of the
seaton. gate receipt! have been enough to oav ex
pensea and there it enough over to buy a round
of cigars. . i -:
During a recent game a biplane waa dbserved
hovering low over the park, and the manager was
just wondering whether airships were to be added
to house roofs and knotholes as a medium for
beating the gate, when the machine lurched and
dropped rather heavily into the outfield.
Presently the birdman opened his eyes to find
the1 manager bending solicitously over him. That
official gave a sigh of relief at the ttranger't re
turn to me, and remarked cheerfully:'
"Feeling all right, now, old fellow? Then you
can just give me your quarter and. we'll go on
wun ine game i new xortt ymes.
Statesmen Liberal When at Washington. ' r
. Indianapolis News: This seems to be growing
intd more and more of a time of large things. The
statesmen who oppose the lessening of the income
tax exemption figures say that the change would
yield only $6,000,000 a year, and that that is too
small to bother with. But the Washington atmos
ohere often affects in that wav man whn aa
home not only very reasonable, but sometimes
even tightwad.--
ia. IS. Ta tha Editor ot Tha
Oat ef ttw lth and aanalor of tha
crow dad qaartar of Brooklyn tha laat ttw
monthi have aaaa a acoarya avolva and over
run Naw York and tha aorroundlne coun
try a aeoarea which haa aaaamad epidemic
form and aaa already alalmed about. 4.000
rletlme acute anterior nollomralitia. Not
withitandinr that Naw York la claimed hy
tatlitlee tha liaalthieat city ta all America.
Tha calamity astatine today la New York
mar be bronyht home to our vary door any
moment, if tha health department and 01
Seiale of Greater Omaha don't tat buay ia
a hurry.
Tha aloaad sewer runnlnz from Thirty-
naventh and b atreeta for tha benefit of a
nackinn houee. and connected with tha
hauaea of tha aurroundlnf netchborhood, oa
aalne north emptiae lata aa open ditch about
It fort aoath of Thirty-fifth and I atreeta.
At thia point and tha natural channel of tha
apaa ditch, everything ia blocked with tha
Slth. and tha moat part of tha aewua Backs
ap south to i atraat into an eight-foot deep
open ditch and rota taora.
Tha aontaata of this letter i nave aa-
dreeeed alto ta oar health department, Dr.
Connell. , . AUGUST MILLER.
Humanity and tha "Wild Wast."
Omaha, Aug. 11. To tha Editor of Tha
Baa i Soma of tha good ladtea of tha Omaha
Humana aoelety got a leeeon in parliamen
tary procedure, aa well aa tha operation of
tha laws af thoir aoelety, when Dean Tan
cock invoked tha eonatitution of tha aoelety
to head off a poeelbly anplaaaant debate. It
waen't Juat what tha women folka were look
ing for, hut it waa strictly according to
Horla. and they'll hare to put ap with It.
Tha threatening question waa tha lata viatt
of tha wild waat ahow to Omaha, and ita per
formance! : tha humanity of tha aama being
tha oeeaalon for dianuta. Our women folka
may he edited to know that in New York tha
aama. ar aimilar. exhibitions were given In
presence of admiring multitudee during tha
and tha. performera ware greatly
praieed for their akill and daring. Especially
popular waa the a port of "bulldogging." and
regret waa expressed by aoma that the rulea
of the game did not permit tha cowboy to
turn tha ateer a summersault aa wall aa to
throw him. Alao. the seat of the game in
Naw York waa marred aomewhat, for they'
lacked tha eptee of tha aecidente that ware
a daily feature ia Omaha. Showing the effect
af tha effete east aa our western sports. But
what 1 wanted to any la that Omaha and
New York appear ta ba on a par as regarda
public taste la amuaementa, whleh may com
fort tha humane ladiee who think wa ought
to get a little higher up in our search for
tan than "bulldogging" a wild ateer.
OLD FOGY.
One Mara Uaredecmsd Promiae.
Omaha, Aug. IS. Ta tha Editor of Tha
Boat Ona of tha promisee of the "aquara
seven," when it waa campaigning four years
ago was that Omaha would ba provided with
public comfort atationa. Thla promiae waa
enthualaetfeally renewed by the mayor when
ha waa seeking for votes iaat year. Binoe
election It haa not bean oven tentatively
broached by any member of the city commis
sion. What a tha reaaonT Haa tha need
for theeo eonvanieneee dlaappearedT It
a ta one who doaan't pretend to ba an
expert on city houaekeeplng that nothing la
mora Important than providing for the ac
commodation af atrangcra ia the elty. Wa
hoar a lat about putting up street eigne and
the like, but mighty little about other thlnga
that are needed Juat aa badly. Maybe when
tha mayor gate back' from New York he'll
taU ua why ba haan't puehed the public com
fort station plan. QUERICUS.
About Investments.
Omaha, Aug. 10. To the Editor of Tha
Beet. I have been repeatedly Importuned to
place money In aeveral Inveetment enter-
prlaea, and wish very much to know the char
acter of the aeeurity or guarantee behind tha
different Inatitutlona auch as national banke,
etate banks, aaving benka, private banke,
building and loan eompaniaa, real aetata or
realty investment and concerns offering high
rates of Intereet.
1 will greatly appreciate, aa will many
athera, a clear analyaia'of the aituation in
the eolumna of your paper. A READER.
inaf ' The Baa doea not undertake to ex
plain tha nature or character of any legiti
mate buelneae. It haa many timea exposed
frauda and will again, but it does not give
special adviee as to investments in reputable
concerns.
BREEZY TRIFLES.
AROUND THE CITIES.
Ban Francisco ta to have a United Statea
marina hoapita' to coat 9600,000.
Cleveland'e atreet railways 'in June car
ried S2.O46JD07 paasengcra and aoma Joy
riders. '..
Philadelphia expecta to enroll over SOO.000
children when tha echool year opena next
month. .
A haul of 184.000 irate Detroit in the
premier elaaa of daylight robbery cltiee.
Chicago a record If thrown ia the ahada. -'
8t. Joe mourna ' tha death . cd Frank
Heopaa, IS yaara old, who became a cattle
buyer for Morria A Co. at the early-age -ot
11. .t.
Salt Lake City la Inatalling a swell alec-'
trie light system which, it ia claimed, will
make Main atraat tha great white way of
tha .waat
Boaton health offleera want to kill off all
doga and sets in tha city. . But the health
afficara are ta a bopeleaa minority for
slaughter.
-: A ehureh at Roaedale, Kan., pulled off an
outdoor entertainment tha ether night and
rallied a crowd by providing motor ear Joy
ridea to and from tha ground .
Bloux City ie following the Omaha plan
ef putting safety white .linea on atraat
eroasinga, where people on foot may occa
sionally mock tha horn of the autoiste.
Signers of Jitney bonds in Sioux City are
required to Ale aa Inventory of their prop
erty ta prove their responaihillty. Other
wise the jitney llceneee wiU be revoked.
During the fiscal year ending with June
laat the Metropolitan Street RaUway eom
pany of Kansas City, Mo., earned 17,065,
S40, a gain of S2&0.000 over the preceding
ftaeal year. The city's ahare of the-revenue
amounta to $511,097, but the city doea not
gat tha cash, merely a eredit on the pur
chase price. .
MUSINGS OF A CYNIC.
Th ftllnw who doesn't bHyt in lack it
hick. .,,
Timt U none, bat It require, genioi to
effect the exchange..
Life li mirror In which many a man ta
aahamed to look himielf in the face.
A tare way to improve the memory If to
do aomething yon would like to forgetr
' All the world'a a etate, but a man eeldom
heart the prompter when he mifiea hit cue.
Dent try to make a gueet feel at home
Mlete you know what tort of home he haa.
Tha Lord will provide: and that's about
aa f ar aa tha laty man's religion aver gate.
The under dog sometimes proves that lota
of us never do our best sighting until we are
"The uthorlt.es wouldn't let roe wear my
niw battling costume," said the queen of
mutlcal comedy. "They said It waa too
riakay."
"And you had to throw It away."
"Oh, no. I'll wear It In the show next
season. Then they'll pay money to come
and aee It. Washington Star.
"1 can read nature's accrete. For 1 X
offer to tell the names of your enemies."
"I know the names of my enemlea, pro
feasor. "
"Indeedf And where are they?
"Laslness, Temper and Envy. 1 must
light them alLM-Loulsvllle Courier 'Journal.
Mighty few people make tha excuse of
being hoarse when asked to sing their own
p raise. - --
Kven In resisting temptation moat ef us
art Inclined to follow tha Una of least re
si itsnoe. ' 1
At any rata, lova Isn't -atone blind. It
tan generally detect a flaw in aa engage
ment ring.. - ',
There are always two tide to a story, and
the scandalmonger aan generally provide Ave
ar six more. ,".'.': x
It sometimes happens that even the) people
who complain that they have notning to do
refuse to do ft.
When a man starts out to make a fool
of himself he aan ba depended upon to eur
mount all obetaelea.
: Elocution may ba a good thing, but H
doesn't go far enough. It merely teaches
ua how to apeak, not when.
' fto tCEPLY IN lDVt WITH
ANia r -JFTlW REACH HIM f
- CELEW ftXHiCfc
"I wonder why they call them stag par
tlear' remarked the man who had just
received an Invitation to attend one.
"It's probably an allusion to that well
known quotation. The stag at eve has
drunk his fill " replied his wifs meaningly.
Philadelphia Ledger.
"My business la to talk," said the soap
box orator. "I deal In words and sentences."
"Tee," cried a man In the crowd, "and
as long aa X have known you your place of
business haa never been closed." Boston
Transcript
'1 only got half way through my speech
when my voloe went back on me."
"That sot I heard them say your speech
was' about twice aa good aa usual." Judge.
"I heard Billings forced his daughter Into
a marriage with a rich creditor -practically
sold her."
"That's queer. The newspaper accounts
of the wedding aay ha gave her away."
Baltimore American.
"Oh, papal exclaimed tha aweet young'
thing, "I got aomething In my eye this
ernoon While out walking."
"uia it have wings or trousers, dear
askud wise papa. Tonken Statesman.
Benevolent -looking Ltady (with a pitying
look at the man who has Just bene dragged
from underneath hie motor car) Foor man,
have you a wlfeT
Unfortunate Motorist No, madam, I
haven't This la the worst thing that haa
aver happened to me. Pearson's Weekly.
Dyner Say, waiter, your advertisement
said: "Dinner $1 a plate," and my bill Is
$13.
Walter But von uaed thirteen nlatea. sir.
Chaparral.
UNFORTUNATE PEDESTRIAN.
aft
Josh Wink, In Baltimore American.
Oh, thou most sad, unfortunate of men,
Who hath no right to be observed by all
Upon the surface of this eporty earth,
Oh. thou pedestrians, X mourn with theo,
For art thou, like the traitor In the poem.
Unknown, unwept unhonored and unsung.
The only notice taken that thou art
Indeed, a liver in this world of ours
Of thine existence, ia the loud complaint
Thou art allowed to clutter up the streets.
And louder still command hurled to "get
out"
If there are strikes of carmen, then the
mtlee.
The wean miles which stretch 'twlxt work
and thee,
Itust thou hotfoot them, 'neath the glaring
'sun
Of slsiling summer or the bitter frosts
Of freeslng winter, as the case may be,
And ever must thou watchful waiting keep
Por constant neril of the SDeeu machine,
Which knocks thae down udoo the least
pretence.
Hurls maledictions on thy shattered bones.
And thinks It merciful to spare thy skull.
Thou art naught but a cumberer of the
narth.
And though both In the coming and the
going, thou
Doit catch It still the comfort thou dost
get
Is mere remark thrown that It aerve thee
right
Pedestrian, thou, with these too speed ng
times, .
And labor troubles and congested streets,
Arl sadly out of ,-oint. Poor Shank's mar
Is hopelessly outclassed, and hath no chance
at alt
In any walk of life. Walk! Heaven save tha
mark I
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