THE BEE: OMAHA, WEDNESDAY, JULY 19, 1916.
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE
POUNSCO n COW ACS BOtCWATE
VICTOR BOSEWATER, EDITOB
"th hi tobubhwo oompaht. propbieto-
CatereS at Omaha peatetftee M eeeeeieVeUee aaatlea.
TUatS Or SUBSCRIPTION.
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Deity anS Cvndap. ..
D.ll, aHtheot Into
Eveolnv and Sunday ......4Se
Evenine vltkral loader J
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Dalle ens Sander See. three reare
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BXMITTANCB.
RemM ar draft, exareaa e eeetal erder. nip
taken hi aaraaeat of enwll amounts. FraoyJ
extent aa OauUu and aaatam ateaaase. net nwaM.
OFTICHS.
Oaaua The Baa BaiMlas).
au.tk (huh 1111 N street.
Coanell dloffe 14 Morth Mala i
Uneela all Little louaina.
Chleaae SIS People's Caa Bolldtnf.
New York Roan Sal. IIS Fifth anna.
It Leale SSS New Baak at Oeenmeree.
Waeaiattea IIS renrteeata street, M. W.
COMESPONDENCS.
Addreee eemaraaleetieae ralattaif ta a
aiattat ta Omaha Baa. Ullarlal Departs.
and editorial
JUNE CIRCULATION .
67,957 Daily Sunday 52,877
Dsricht Wlllkuaa, etmlatfcm esanoa-er a Tha Baa
Pahltaaus aamraap. Una dalr ""i w,,.,hi'
lean, etrealatloa far tha month of Jane, JUS. waa
17.111 daily and IJ.S7T Sunday. , L. ..
nWIQIT WILLIAMS, Clreulatlea ataaasar.
Saeeariaed la a preaeaee and .wans to before me
U. Id dap of W..ftT HVWT8IL HeUrv Pahlla.
Subscribon leavlaf tha city tempararflv
should hnvo Tha Baa enallea to taam. Aa
dress will ba chanied u oftea at roaaoaUel.
If Chief Cool-Off is in town, it is up to him
to prove it.
"Stop off in Omaha" is i good tomtom to
keep pounding.
. W it is true, as reported, that VillisUs are
coming north for a hot time, they are headed In
the right direction. - , ' ; . , : , '
Floods in the southeast, hail in South Dakota,
hot stuff in the corn belt The good old summer
time plays few favorites. , ' "
The democratic notification meeting to to be
postponed until after congress adjourns. Really,
if it were indefinitely postponed it never would
be missed. '
A steady run of automobile accidents and
fatalities underscores the, melancholy truth that
too many insist on shortening the distance to the
cemetery. , , ' "
- In the reviled lexicon of the administration,
a deserving democrat may aspire to a judgeship,
regardless of the Osier limit of 00 years, much
depends on where he hails from.
Rival assertions and contradictions put out by
warring powers serve to stimulate the guessing
talent of neutrals, enabling each guesser to ex
the battle score according td personal leanings.
. ! w.L H
raniaSUC nymns OI victory ufai mvu u urn,
are the words official Germany uses to describe
the battle claims of the allies. Germany's oral
artillery seems quite efficient in hitting the bull's-
There is little hope of putting real pep in war
bulletins and battle stories until the rival staffs
take over the job of censoring each other's re
ports. Then the spectators would get news worth
while. . ", " ' ' .
Railroad rate making steadily moves away
from state control. Pressure on the federal end
of the line is persistent and continuous, and gains
strength from the divided counsels of forty-eight
states. - ' ... '
' Considering their comparative Inexperience
and the conditions confronting them, the men
who laid out the towniite of Omaha some sixty
yesrs ago did a tolerably good job of city-plan-
The author of the conititutional amendment
to insure himself a six-year job wants it distinctly
nnderstood that he is not animated by any selfish
motive but is eager only to serve the public. No
explanations necessary I ; ;
A fleet of merchant submarines peculiarly fits
the international trade situation. The United
States has the goods Germany needs. : The new
boats partly bridges the gutf between supply and
demand. Both ends and the middle score a profit.
From the driving of the golden spike to the
golden anniversary of the Overland route spans
an era of marvelous changes in the map of the
weit The number is too vast for proper group
ing, but the spirit which wrought them can be
embodied in the exhibit --
Reconvening the bull moose convention in Chi
cago is easier said than done. How many of the
delegates elected at the April primary to repre
sent Nebraska can be induced to go when doing
so can accomplish .nothing except to advertise
them as assistant democratsr
A Glittering Oppartunity
BraaUya Ba(b (Daa.). '
.That this country will play a new part and
that it will be a part of increased responsibilitiei,
the president has assured us. He has spoken of
the United States aa a land of equality and of
justice. : - ' ' ' '
What increased responsibilities signify is
lhown at Washington. There every day millions
ire added to the coit of government There at-
.ention is paid only to the multiplication table.
Soon we shall have a two billion dollar
:ountry. ' There is no longer talk of retrench
nent. Not a word now is heard of government
economically administered. That sort of talk
seems to have become obsolete.
Some of the increased responsibilities are
financial In a land of equality and of justice no
distinctions are drawn. The burdens to be borne
ire borne bv all. i
Congress has seen fit to draw distinctions. It
has seen fit to relieve some at the expense of
others. - In the matter of the income tax it has
teen fit to create a onvileied claia.
. There could be no better text for the president
; who is a lover of fair play and who cannot recon
:ile himself to inequality and injustice. He knows
what democracy means. ,
Also, what it does not It does not mean that
there shall be immunity for the many at the ex-
pen ie of the few. It does mean that all bene-
bcisries - snail pay in proportion to tneir means.
It is a glittering text None could excel the
president in hii treatment thereof. None could
more scornfully repudiate an effort to make him
t!'e benehciary ot injustice at the polls,
ia can set the echoes flying. . .
Reviving the Submarine Issue.
Threats heard in the Houie of Commons that
Great Britain expects to make a paramount issue
out of the Deutschland ordinarily would hsve no
weight, but existing circumstance! warrant giving
the address of Lord Robert Cecil some considera
tion. This is not the first time since the begin
ning of the war the British cabinet has sought to
influence the action of the United States on an
issue raised by the war. Controversy over inter
ference with neutral traffic is already sharp, and
the immediate matter of interference with mails
has been brought to the attention of King
George's ministry in plain terms. Should the
minister of war trade, or the foreign minister,
seize upon the incident of the sppearance in an
American harbor of a submersible merchant ves
sel as a pretext for threatening reprisals of any
sort they would show a capacity for blundering
even greater than has been credited to them.
His British majesty's cabinet should keep in
mind that it was the firm insistence of the United
States on observance of neutral rights and inter
national law that brought the modification in the
German submarine campaign. The advantage of
this to British commerce need not be specified.
The only possible effect of charges against the
United States in connection with the Deutschland
would be to alienate the moral support of a large
percentage of our people, whose sympathies hsve
been with the Entente Allies, but whose sense of
justice will not permit them to accept everything
proposed by the Britiih government.
Efforts to force this country into an unneutral
position are unworthy of the British. Lord Grey's
reply to the note on the mail question Is overdua,
and patience with his dilatory course will not be
improved by evasion or an attempt to revive the
submarine issue.
More Proof of Unreadiness.
When the question of our national unreadiness
for defense was seriously broached as a topic for
public debate a year ago, much of consolation was
derived in secret way from the reflection that
the War department knew a thing or two it did
not make public. Some facts developed in con
nection with the recent mobilization of the Na
tional Guard has proven that this was true. It
has also shown the reasons for the silence of the
war office. It knew a lot of things it isn't proud
of, knowledge of which does not raise us in the
estimation of the world. When the Nebraska
soldiers were in camp at Lincoln, supplies sent
from the St Louis warehouse for their use were
rejected, because the blankets, shoes and stock
ings were of an inferior quality. Over in Iowa
complaint is made that second-hand uniforms
were issued, torn end buttontess trousers and the
like, being among the articles. - Now comes a re
port from Camp Dodge that plow shoes of all
the colors of the rainbow are being Issued to the
men under arms, in lieu of the regular army shoe.
It was not alone in the matter of guns and similar
arms we were short, but we can not supply cloth
ing for the hundred thousand men we have called
out. What would have happened if Mr. Bryan's
million had presented themselves for equipment?
It is high time our War department wn being
overhauled and placed on a serviceable Basis.
I IQhAV
Thought Nugget for the Day.
In all the affairs of human life, social as well
as political, I have remarked that courtesies of
a small and trivial character are the ones which
strike deepest to the grateful and appreciating
heart Henry Clay.
One Year Ago Today in the War.
German attack southeast of Les Eparges re
pulsed. ,
Rome reported gains by the Italians in Carma,
Cadore and the Isonzo regions.
Germans captured Windau and Radom and
several smaller places in the vicinity of Warsaw.
Greatest battle in world's history, involving
6,000,000 men and 900-mile battle line, begun in
Russian Poland.
This Day in Omaha Thirty Years Ago.
Articles of incorporation of the Union Hy
draulic and Drain Tile company have been filed
with the county clerk. The incorporators are
Robert J. Carson, Jefferson W. Bedford, Abraham
R. Souer, Willis D. Sherman and Laura E.
Martinovich.
The monthly social was held at the rooms of
the Young Men's Christian association, at which
a short program was rendered. Messrs. William
; Tariff Commission Not on the Square.
Are the democrats on the square with the tariff
commission proposal incorporated in their new
revenue bill? All their previous actions would
indicate that they were not If the democrats
sincerely favored a tariff commission- they need
not have legiststed out of existence the non
partisan tariff board started under the preceding
republican administration. If the old tariff board
did not suit them, the democrats could easily have
reconstructed it when they enacted their Under
wood tariff law. Yet, they not only did nothing
of the kind, but they continued to discountenance
and discredit the idea of tariff making by advice
of nonpartisan experts until now, when they sud
denly reverse in the belief that they can make
political capital by pretending to favor the tarift
commission plan.
That it is all mere pretense we now have the
proof in the booit given the new revenue measure
in Mr. Bryan's Commoner over his name:' "The
tariff commission," he says, "pleases a certain ele
ment and does no harm. Its tendency is to post
pone a change in rates and that is at present den-able."
Mr. Bryan here lets the cat out of the
bag for, if "it pleases a certain element and does
no harm," it Is intended to do no good. Its pur
pose is, as he confesses, merely to provide ail ex
cuse for delay and to fool the people into thinking
that they are to have scientific tariff revision from
the democrats. No fslrly informed person can
be convinced that a tariff that will build up
American industries in all parts of the country is
attainable through a political party wholly sec
tional in its control and interests as is the south
ridden democratic party. The only way to get
an effective tariff commission is by restoring the
republicans to power.
Worth While Publicity.
It is' the exceptional that attracts attention
and it is doing something out of the ordinary
that brings publicity. Witness this fragrant bou
quet thrown by Collier's Weekly at our little sis
ter city of Council Bluffs under the caption
"Sightliness and Safety:" t
The east talks with pride of its White Ways,
but at Council Bluffs, la., the lamp-posts per
form the added service of supporting flower
boxes filled with nodding blossoms. And mir
rors on the trolley cars enable the motormen
to see the car steps without having to turn.
When you've made city streets at once safer
and more beautiful, you've done more than to
fill 'em with taxicabi and freak fashions.
Wonder if we could not break through for
Omaha by sending on a picture of our classical
bank building with green foliage window garni
ture and our picturesque new hotel with its gay
floral decorations?
Nebraska and the I. W. W.
Nebraska is just now having Its first real ex
perience with the I. W. W, the outcome of which
is to be determined. Other western states have
been visited and more or less disturbed by this
band of migratory irresponsiblcs, whose inverted
system of social economy makes them a problem
as well as a nuisance. Ordinary treatment, such
aa confinement or repression, has little effect upon
them other than to invite further visitations. Be
cause of this, the remedy for them is not easy,
but our peace officers may be depended upon to
see that order is maintained and the law sup
ported. Men with a constitutional grudge against
all society, although not easily dealt with, must
not be permitted to overturn all that man has ac
complished. Nothing really serious has developed
in connection with the I. W. W. in Nebraska,
but the presence of these men itself is a menace,
and the authorities must be vigilant...
Sargent and William Heller gave recitations and
Misses Clayton, Day and Churchill furnished the
music.
Miss Edith Shepherd of Rochester, Ind., is
visiting the families of G. W. Longan and H. L.
Stanton.
Will Van Arnam and T. P. Catwrizht of Kelly
Stiger & Co. have returned from Spirit Lake,
where they spent a delightful ten days.
J. A. schencle and wire ot Dayton, u., are
In the citv on their wav from Colorado, and are
spending a few days with Mr. and Mrs. John A.
Creighton.
George A. Joplin, secretsry of the Young
Men's Christian association, has gone to Beatrice,
where the Young Men's Christian allocation are
taking up subscriptions tor the erection ot a new
building.
A. E. Marriott, the popular clerk at the Mil
lard, is again on duty, after a pleasant vacation in
Kansas.
Today in History.
1719 Peter Schuyler becsme acting governor
of New York.
1814 Samuel Colt, inventor of the revolver,
born at Hartford, Conn. Died there, January
10, 1862. ... '
. 1824 Auguitin de Iturbide, ex-emperor of
Mexico, was shot as a result of his attempt to
regain power.
1831 Prince Leopold, the newly-elected king
of the Belgians, entered Brussels.
1860 Garibaldi captured Melazo, the last
fortress held by royalists in Sicily.
1870 Count Bismarck, in announcing the dec
laration of war by France, termed it groundless
and presumptious,
1888 Meeting of the German emperor and
czar of Russia off Cronstadt.
1897 Jean Ingelow, noted English poet and
novelist, died in London. Born March 17, 1820.
1898 President McKinley issued instructions
for the government of the Cuban province of
Santiago, of which the Americans had taken
possession.
1907 The emperor of Korea abdicated in
favor of the crown prince.
This Is the Day We Celebrate.
Israel Gluck, investments and real estate, was
born July 19, 1843. He is a native of Germany,
and located at Columbus, afterwards retiring
from active business and moving to Omaha with
his family.
Edwin L. Huntley was born forty-six years
ago today. He attained early fame as a telegra-
fiher, walking three miles to a country town to
earn the trade. He is now a well known Omaha
newspaper man.
Captain Lewis S. Morey, U. S. A., who nar
rowly escaped death while leading his troops
against the Mexicans, born in New York forty
one years ago today.
Judge Roger A. Pryor, one of the few sur
viving mebers of the first confederate states con
gress, born in Dinwiddie county, Virginia,
eighty-eight years ago today.
William B. Ridgely, former comptroller of
the currency, born at Springfield, 111,, fifty-eight
years ago today.
Rt. Rev. John J. Hennessey, Catholic bishop
of Wichita, born in County Cork, Ireland, sixty
nine years ago today.
John Purroy Mitche!,- mayor of the city of
New York, born at Fordham, N. Y-, thirty-seven
years ago today.
Dr. Charlei H. Mayo, one of the headi of
the celebrated Mayo surgical clinic, born at
Rochester, Minn., fifty-one years ago today.
Prof. Edward C. Pickering, director of the
Harvard astronomical observatory, born in Boa
ton, seventy years ago today.
Earl Hamilton, pitcher of the St Louis Ameri
can league base ball team, born at Oswego, Kan.,
twenty-four years ago today.
Edward F. Sweeney, catcher for the Toledo
American association base ball team, born in
Chicago twenty-eight years ago today.
Timely Jottings and Reminders.
The prohibition national convention will as
semble in St. Paul today for the adoption of a
platform and the nomination of candidates for
president and vice president
The tenth annual convention of the Canadian
Life Insurance Underwriters' association will
begin its sessions today at Hamilton, Ont
" " 0.-" ... w.. MHHI. UHC Ul MIC
best-known officers of the army, will be placed
on the retired list today on account of having
reached the age limit of sixty-four years.
Charles E. Hughes, the republican nominee
for president, is expected to attend the opening
meeting of the Hughes alliance today at the
Hotel Astor, New York.
Delegates from every section of the country
will assemble today at Mooseheart, III., for the
opening of the annual national convention of the
Loyal Order of Moose.
Today is the date fixed by the federal court
for the foreclosure sale of the property of the
St. Louis & San Francisco railroad. .
The Jewett Family Association of America,
of which George A. Jewett of Des Moines, la.,
is president, is to hold its annual reunion today
at Rowley, Mass.
Potato growers of North Dakota plan to or
ganize, a state association at a meeting to be
held today in connection with the state fair at
Fargo.
Storyette of the Day.
. "Do you play very much nowadays, Miss
Solo?" he asked her as they seated themselves
after a waltz.
"Only occasionally," she replied. "I have ne
glected my music shamefully of late and am get
ting quite out of practice.
'I was passing your, house last evening," he
went on, "and stood at the gate for a moment
to hear you play. Instead of getting out of prac
tice, I think you are improving if any improve
ment is possible," he added, politely.
., "Last evening?" she questioned.
' "Yes about 9 o'clock
"You are mistaken. I was at the opera last
evening," she said in a strained voice as she ac
cepted an invitation to dance from another gen
tleman. "It was the man tuning the piano you
heard." Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph.
Publicity That Halpa.
Omaha, July II. To tha Editor of Tha
Baa: Tha Nebraska Humana aoetety wihei
to thank you for tha publicity and halp you
hara aivan in hatpins' bafora tha public
aya tha wanta and almi of tha aoeiaty. That
tha Humana aoeiaty today U a Ian ar maana
for food in ita work is laraaly dua to your
mod ofneaa. BEN STANLEY,
gaerctary.
Praparadaaaa aad Prohibition.
Omaha, July 18 To tha Editor of Tha
Baa: Latlia'a contain! an article by Cap
tain P. Lincoln Mitchell of the National
Security leaiue, "Where Shall We Get Our
Powder." which la hiahly interesting from
the standpoint of preparedneee. He ehowa
that for every two pounda of mokeleil
powder produced, one gallon of alcohol la
uaed. Many millions of tallons of alcohol
have thus been eonsumed In the manufacture
of smokeless powder exported to the allies.
Captain Mitchell points out that the dis
tilling industry In this country is, there
fore, of greatest possible importance, and
gorernment authorities hare already sent
out Inquiry blanks to distllleriea as to what
quantities they could furnish to the goTern
ment in an emergency. He also points out
that prohibition would practically destroy
the greater part of the distilling industry in
this country.
While there Is no donfct much truth in
tha views expressed by him. It goes without
saying that it will be denounced by the
ultra pacifists and the prohibitlonista alike.
But there are many uses for alcohol or
spirituous liquors entirely apart from that
which la sold for either beverage purposes
or for making smokeless powder. Take this
relatively small distillery for instance, pro
ducing at the rata of perhaps 160,000 wina
gallons per month, and selling less than one
tenth that quantity within the state of Ne
braska. Probably one-half of the total prod
net la used for other than beverage purposes,
marketed through wholesale druggists, sold
to hospitals and used by manufacturers of
flavoring extraeta, perfumeries, etc., etc.
Nevertheless this state votes in November
next on the Initiative proposition, "Shall the
manufacture and sale of liquors ha forever
prohibited in Nebraska."
If that constitutional amendment should
carry at the polls, It would mean that tha
Omaha distillery would have to dose ita
doors, and tha product It has sold hereto
fore, (nine-tenths of It In other states, one
tenth in Nebraska), would ba supplied from
distilleries in the east. As shown by the
experienea of practically every prohibition
state, tha quantity consumed within the
state would scarcely change, but would be
shipped in from other states, either through
legitimate channels or otherwise. (The At
lanta Constitution of June 80 records re
ceipts In that alty of 1S.82S legal shipments
of liquor during June, aa against 7.7S1 thip
menta In May.) In other words, the derasnd
remains and Is supplied from without, but
the manufacture and sale within the state
weuld cease, the value of our plant would be
wiped out for tha sole benefit of distilleries
elsewhere.
It is not only destroying property value
without due process ot law, but It la taking
away the earning capacity of a Nebraska
Industry and turning it over gratuitously
to factories In other states.
Our plant la useless for other purposes,
and the argument that it could operate even
under prohibition for other than beverage
purposes only, is fatuous. With more than
half Ita business made Impossible, there
would not be enough left to operate profit
ably. Denatured alcohol must be produced
from material much cheaper then corn in
order to compete. A. L. MEYER.
LINES TO A LAUGH.
Two Crying Evils.
Omaha, July 18. To tha Editor of The
Bee: I don't like to be a chronic grumbler,
but I have two complaints to make which
1 think may be remedied if aired in publle.
I walk downtown every morning and in
variably find the Janitors and porters of busi
ness houees sweeping out the dirt upon the
sldewalka and sometimes Into the gutters, re
gardlesa of the detriment to health and com
fort, and to say nothing of the palpable vio
lation of the city erdinance.
Again, I find street flushing carta going
up and down where pedestrians are thick on
the aidewalke, splashing mud and water on
the ehoes and clothes of women and chil
dren as well as the men. There ta no good
reason why most of this flushing should not
be done earlier and, certainly none why it
should not be done with more care of re
sult!, w.
EDITORIAL SIFTINGS.
Washington Post: Women, saya a writer,
are taking up tha vices that men have dis
carded. If they only stop there they'll
never do anything very wicked.
Chicago Herald: Tha aharka on the At
lantic coast have been ao busy that the
traditional sea serpent hasn't managed to
edge in and gat its customary notice.
Cleveland Plain Dealer: The trouble about
twentieth century wars is that when one side
wina a glorious victory the other side claims
it as a failure to gain anything. So nothing
happena but slaughter.
Indianapolis News: Mexico, says Benor
Carransa, will have an election aa soon as
the constitution has been reconstructed and
the country Is completely at peace. Doesn't
sound very Imminent, does 1ST
Pittsburgh Dltspatch: Secretary of War
Baker is said to be a great reader and it la
not unlikely, in view of some of the things
being asked him, that his reading these
daye Ineludee the experieneee of one of his
predecessors named Ruesell A. Alger.
Philadelphia Ledger: "I eould put a 8-year-old
boy In a signal tower and he would
do all tha work," said tha counsel for the
railwaya at tha talegraphera' Investigation
before the Federal Board of Arbitration.
Soma recent railway accidents suggest that
this haa already been done.
Detroit Free Press: Watch your own
health thla aummar. Begin by paying atten
tion to your food and drink aupply. Don't
drink heating fluids. Don't eat large quan
tities of heavy foods. Don't fret about tem
peratures. Heat Is a normal and necessary
thing in aummer. Expect it, prepare for It,
make the beet of it.
T :iS ON hOME TOPICS.
Washington Potti It imi itrangt, but
on of tha leading aniTragiiU aapli-M to bo
coma known aa the grand old woman of
tha eanaa.
Chicago Rtrald: Tha aslstenea of Araari
eana who would Hka to exploit Mexico
need not blind ua to the fact that a Mexican
la m good an exploiter of Mexicans aa haa
yet been produced.
Cleveland Plain Dealer : The Perahlng ex
pedition atarted out aa "punitive," and now
It ta "protective." By the time It penetrate
a few more weary mile, it will doubtleaa
become "benevolent.
Philadelphia Ledger: Some earnest student
of sociology has discovered that mott mar
ried men who call their wives by telephone
throw a kiss aa they hang up the receiver.
Is the operator expected to pass It on 7
Boston Transcript t President rVllson's
theory that a people have a right to de any
thing they please with their own government
should go a long way toward reconciling him
to what will be dona next November.
8pr.nf.eld Republican i With farm labor
scarcer than aver In the weet on account of
the mllltta mobilisation, the winter wheat
crop must be harvested right away under
peculiarly difficult conditions. Will the women
take a hand as In England under war eon
dltlonat Wall Street Journal I A new type of steer
Is la process of rapid evolution. He comes
to market at less than half the age of the
eld timer, of superior quality, and weighing
1,100 pounds. He easts les to produce and
glvee a quicker turnover of the Investment.
This new animal la coming on the market
In Increasing number every year. He ts
no longer a theory, but a fact! and as hi
tribe Increases there Is a corresponding In
crease In a safe form of banking security
for the community honored by hi" preserve.
Further assistance by finance to hasten hi
development will add greatly to the coun
try's redlt.
"They say," remarked the spinster board
er, "that tha woman who heMtatee Is .oat."
"Lost la ths proper word for it," growled
th fuaay old bachelor at the pedal ex
tremity of the table. "She's extinct."
Philadelphia Ledger.
"Don't yon get tired of summer boarders
who complain of the food?"
"I used to," replied Farmer Corntossel,
"until I figured on It. There's more profit
In a boarder who kick and doean't eat
than there la In one who eat and doesn't
kick." Washington Star.
"I never hear you talk about your old
college days."
"Our claaa didn't produce anybody big
enough for the rest of u to brag about"
Plttaburgh Post,
I ... . a .SfWai liV
IfA IN UrVtz Win rw
PAWHTER-Wttt
HENE ME HER HAND?
HE MUjKr-sooN as he
$Q0NER& WAT VDU D-MV
COME SEE HIM ABOUT
A RAISE
"Have some Rio?" asked the landlady.
"Rio mean river," she went on. trying to
irake talk.
"Um," grunted the grouchy boarder. "And
Is thla auppoaed to be river water or cof
fee ?" Baltimore American.
"Now I don't want any slapstick com
edy," said the film manufacturer to the
new writer.
"No ?"
"No; you can't get a laugh any more
wnn aMiyinwg icis tnan a pile-driver.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Little Edna, who waa watching the men
working a pile-driver In the lot opposite,
aald to her mother: "I'm so sorry for those
poor men, mamma; they've been trying and
trying to lift out that big weight and every
time they get It almost to the top It falls
rlgh back again." Baltimore American.
arv th AhemDarne In tin cuds. Oscar."
directed the owner of the bungalow.
"very gooa, sir.
"These hunting parties like to rough It
a trifle." The Wiip.
Mr. Bacon Women ar always trying to
do aomethlng to get even with the men.
Mrs. Bacon What now T
Mr. Bacon Why, I see this paper saya
that thirty women are practicing dentistry
in Missouri. Ton ker Statesman.
. . ai .. atia vVt
"urace is i'oan ww...v. -
decide where to go on her bridal tour.
"When is sne iu '-'
"The date hasn't been act yet
"Whom la she going to marry?"
"Thit'i another detail that Is yet to be
arranged. But ahe has her trouaseeu all
planned." Boston Transcript
Tour daurhter haa o much savior fair,
MwSl,mwhen we buy her anything really
worm wniie, w '";s -" -
plenty of it." Baltimore American.
ROAD TO SALLIE'S HOUSE.
nssnrvie. Wood Pangborn.
The road to Sallle's house went up
And Sallle's hair was like the sun
And she waa older far than L
June 8 ix moniui miu vey.
But these things made no ditferenoa
When Bailie came to play.
I think the mornings all were Spring
And the sand pile waa of gold,
The birds all sang like anything,
Nothing was sad or old,
When Sallle's feet came down the road
And far oh, far away
I heard th silvsr of her about
"Hurrah! I've come to play.
The years have gon so fast, my dear,
I don't know how to play.
And sand Is only sand, my dear.
Yet If you showed the way
If through the year your vole rang out
I'd never mora be old,
We'd build again our palace
From sands of purest gold.
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