The Omaha Sunday Bee Magazine Page
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A Kiss for a Throne.
The Famoua Incident of Cleopatra and Caesar
as Shown by the Great Painter Gerome.
Mrs. Spangler Gave
the Kiss and Got
the Car, Farmer
Brown Wanted to
Return the Kiss
and Take the Car
Back, the Jury De-t
cided That Kisses
Are Not Returnable
"'and the Whole
Interesting Subject
of What a Kiss
Really Is Worth
That This Interest'
ing Case Opened
IF kl lasting torty-nre mlnntei If -worth
k little car, what kind of a ktsi
; would be worth a 12-oylinder touring
r car? If one kind of kits it worth an auto
mobile, what kind of klsa wonld he worth
' , a house? Just how could one discriminate
v between a klsa worth an erenlng gown
' . and one worth a piece of city real estate?
Between one worth diamond ring and
one worth only a pair of silk stockings?
Can a definite commercial market price
' v be placed upon a kiss?
According to the dectilon of a Jury
elttlng In Scott County, Iowa, the kiss
, hai been accorded a commercial Talue.
A HtSS ... .' For the first time In history osculation
'" x nM oeen lea"T irta financial rating.
JOT 0 SOUl This enterprise and Intrepid Jury de-:
' . ' 1 elded that the kiss of a comely blonde
t ' . . matron was worth the car.
FaUBt With Bo far so good; but a most Interesting
point, either OTerlooked or Ignored by
Marguerite, the Jury, was returnable or exchange
value of kisses. . '
for Whole In this Iowa lawsuit a farmer brought
action for the recovery of a car he had
Caresses . transferred for the consideration of a kiss.
n M j ' He did not allege that the transaction
US Made ntg been fraudulent; he made no claim
. - . of having been swindled; he merely took
HIS LOmpact the ground that a commodity purchased
...... .. with a kiss should retain Its osculatory
With the rating. He ottered, It Is said, to buy the ,
nH a car back from the woman to whom he
JSVH Une. . na(i soi,i lt at jouble, even treble, the
price she paid; but she declined the offer.
manifestly tatr as it was!
It is not to be wondered at that this
; . ficott County (Iowa) Jury deliberated for
nearly Ave hours before bringing a ver-
diet for the defendant, declaring she
1 should keep the car; that she had given
a full equivalent of its value and was,
therefore, legally entitled to lt
' The Jury doubtless realised It was
v about to set a world standard. The prob-
. " lem Involved was one of ratios. Assum
ing the value of a long kiss to be a small
automobile, what would a flve-mlnute kiss
be worthT
' Or would the value depend upon the
kind of woman who gave the kiss and the '
type of man who received it? The woman
who was awarded a small car tor her kiss
Is thirty years of age. If she had been
forty, would her kiss have been worth a
still smaller cart
One member of the Jury contended
that no kiss could possibly be worth an
automobile; still another maintained that
an automobile was meagre payment for
any kind of a kiss. Another declared that
the farmer who had been favored had
gotten off cheaply, tor, being a middle
aged bachelor, he had tew chances of
gathering kisses. .
Although the Jury delivered a verdict
definitely according the - thirty-year-old
' matron the car, it can be seen that they --
did not thereby standardize the value of
' a kiss, but ruled that the value depends
., upon the persons, the time, place and
circumstance. '
The unique suit tor the return of the
car given In payment of a kiss, was
, brought by Thomas Brown, a wealthy
farmer and bachelor of Scott County,
Iowa, against Mrs. Bertha Spangler, who
had been his housekeeper.
Brown testified that Mrs. Spangler had
been an excellent housekeeper. Under
. her management his farmhouse had been
- kept spic-and-span. Meals were served
' punctually, and the food was dellclously
cooked. No one could surpass her In
v baking bread. Brown's physical needs
' were adequately cared for, but appar
ently those of his spirit were not , He
yearned to kiss his fair housekeeper.
But kiss she would not Then Brown
purchased the car the car aroused the
enthusiasm and admiration of pretty
Mrs. Spangler. And Brown, having
' failed to secure the kiss otherwise, of
fered the car for a kiss.
"How much did you care for Mrs.
Spangler at the timer, he was asked.
"I never thought more of any woman
. than I did of her In all my life," he replied.
The Jury decided this admission proved
the kiss was of real value to Mr. Brows.
Mrs. .
Bertha
Spangler
and the
Car
for
- Which
She
Gaye
Her )
Kiss.
P - j 2m Awl
Convrlent, 1916, bv"hSla Comnnny. Qroatritaln" Right ReaarvedT
The cross-examination of Mrs. Spang
ler revealed the amazing length of the
kiss for which she received the Ford.
, In reply to the question as to the time
when the ' remarkable 'exchange was
made she said she could not remember
the date, but one Saturday afternoon
when she returned to the farm from a
' nearby village when she had bought
- , necessaries, she found Brown there with
the automobile.
"About what time was that?"
"It may have been about 4 o'clock."
"What did Brown say to you In regard
to the car at the time, If anything V
"'Here,' he says, 'I brought you your
machine and here is the receipt for it
Take It and keep It so you won't lose
4 It and now you are going to kiss me.'
I said, 'Sure I will kiss you.' "
v "Yon gave him the kiss?" she was
asked.
"Sure I kissed him,' Mrs. Spangler
admitted. "I kissed him In the pantry."
Under questioning by the Court, Mrs.
Spangler declared that was the first
- and last kiss she ever gave Mr. Brown.
'"What did you give Mr. Brown for the
ear, lt anything?" said the Judge, who
- seemed to view the case with some sus
. plclon. -
"A kissthat Is all he asked for," said
' the defendant "That was after he gave
me the receipt for the car."
"Had you given him any before?"
i "No, sir." - 1
"Have you given him any since?"
Jt lfitt "No' ,lr'" nphatically.
A AWS i do not care how long lt lasted,"
contended one of the Jurymen, "no kiss
for Is worth a car."
'.'But a kiss Is worth something?"
POWCr averred one the Jurymen, a farmer,
whose furrowed features were not ex
actly kissable.
The "Sure It's worth something," all ad
mitted. "But how much?"
Biblical "She. sure has a pretty mouth," said
' one gsavely.i
Incident "Yes, but Is that mouth worth a car?"
"Mrs. Spangler' a pretty woman; of
Of course If she was ugly I don't think as
.,, , her kiss would be worth a car," averred
Delilah another.
' The Jury, of course, considered the var
and tous complaints made by Mr. Brown. '
Brown admitted he had actually given
' Samson the car to Mrs. Spangler.
"t said to her, 'How do you like the
8S car?' said Mr. Brown, in his testimony.
. " 'Oh,' she says, 'It looks all right' And
Conceived that was all there was to it"
"Did you tell her at any time that the
by the machine was hers to take and use?"
, "Why, yes," he admitted. "I teld her
English the machine was hers to go anywhere any
'L , . time she wanted to, and she needn't ask
Painter, me to hitch it up, providing she never
had any men riding around with her, or
Solomon, didn't stay out late at night I told her
- that several times. Ton can ride 'round
- here In the country,' I says. 'You. can
have as good a home as any woman could
have."
Unfortunately for Brown, however, his
. own happiness was short lived the
1 kisses stopped. And when no more kisses
were forthcoming - he wanted the ear
- v back. For about a month Brown had
seemed satisfied with his bargain; then
, he became restive. He did not get many
rides himself In the machine. Whenever
Mrs. Spangler wanted groceries or any
thing from town she told him to go to
the village In the car and bring back the
articles desired. That was all the Joy
riding he was accorded. '
On the other hand, Mrs. Spangler mas
tered the art of the chauffeur. She went
out motoring all the time. She motored
In the morning. She motored in the
' afternoon. She motored until late in the
night One Sunday she went away and
was not seen on the farm until the fol
lowing Tuesday or Wednesday. Then
one evening bachelor Brown experienced
a most unpleasant shock.
Pottering about outside the farmhouse,
attending to various sordid duties, he
heard the loud and Jubilant tooting of a
.horn, and looking up from his labors
saw the car he had purchased dash by.
In. It were Mrs. Spangler, at the wheel,
and a man. Mrs. Spangler seemed ra
diantly happy. The man seemed happier.
' Engrossed In one another, laughing,
elated, neither looked In the direction of
the dejected Brown. The ringing echo'
of their laughter, the bacchanalian glee
of the tooting horn, filled Mr. Brown's
soul with rage and chagrin.
Within his house things went from bad
to worse. According to Brown's testi
mony, the broom was seldom taken from
Its place back of the kitchen door. Dust
covered the floors of the rooms. The
washing was not done.
"We had a row one Sunday," said
Brown, almost .plaintively, in court, "and
she never hardly swept her floor out after
that Never done a thing. Never baked.
I had to buy bread and bad to buy meat,
nd she would then take the meat and
fry lt and would have no vegetables
cooked or nothing. She Just spent every
day fixing up and cleaning up the cat
and running around."
Things came to such a pass that Mrs.
Spangler decided she did not care any
longer to fill the role of housekeeper.
She told the Jury she voluntarily threw
up her Job. Brown Indignantly retorted
that he was glad Mrs. Spangler had left,
that he had all the housekeepers he
wanted, azd that, knowing bow to cook,
he would be his own housekeeper from
then on. But he wanted the return of
his car. Mrs. Spangler's kiss was nol
worth a car, he contended.
The Jury, considering the facts In tit
case and all the testimony, deliberated
for- hours. They reached the followlni
verdict: . , .. .
t2e,k lul7' fln4 th defendant.
Bertha Spangler, to be the legal owner of
the Ford In question."
, As the verdict was delivered by H. D.
Parmele, the foreman, Mrs. Spangler rose
to leave the courtroom smiling vic
toriously -and radiantly. The commercial
rating of her kiss had been legally es
tablished. Nevertheless she declared
she did not Intend taking advantage of
the financial value thus set
"I have had enough of men and enough
of kisses," she said. Personally, I think
a woman s kiss is sold cheaply tor an
, automobile. Men ought to keep house tor
themselves, and hereafter I am going to
keep house for myself, and I am nevet
- xoing to marry."