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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (April 29, 1916)
THH KKE: OMAHA, SATl'UDAV. APK1L VMC. BREEZY STRANGER GOULD CATCH FISH Barbershop Malady Solved When He Tells Easy Way to Fool the Finny Tribe. BARBER IS A GOOD LISTENER Into the barber shop brsMud a sllrk looklng stranger, lie snapped hie hat to the porti-r and In a Jiffy hail his col lar and tlo off and was comfortably (retched li the chair. This conversa tlm ensued and the riddle "Why do bsrlwrs die young T' wm eolved. "Got any nice U-cent shave left?" "That the only kind we have. Bar ker collrge three blocks east." " '8'all rlht. Just gimme a once-over." "Once over It la. Haircut, too?" "Nope. Clec, It ought to be a treat liny tomorrow, Bet the ftsh'r biting to bent th' band." "Yep," the tonanrlallat answered. lad to have a gregirlous ctiatomer. "But It all depend on what business you're in. Now with me, It don't make no differ enci, whether It'a flab, or not. I have to shave 'cm all the same." He Meant II. I Flab. "Fish, I said -not boobs! You're talk ing about swkere and J m talking about fUli. I mcHi lt'd be a awell day to catch fish. Ml bet they'd bite on a watch . 1 1 1 1 1 . " "Oh! Yep, gue fishlti' ought to be good about now, I'd like to b up In .Mlnnrtii'Oila myself Junt about now," "In Allnneaiwll? Who cer h'-arl of fkbliig In Minneapolis. You meun Mln ii!otn.'' "Wlist's the difference, ain't Mlnncspv in In Minnesota?" "Hure, but thnto'S no fishing In Min neapolis. You're still . thinking about boobs. They have to go over to Ft, Ta'il to i:at''il them," "Well, anyway, I'd like lo be up In that Country fishing," the barber replied, liiiiliu; sy. "Hoes tliU rHZor pull?" lie I. el 'I'.ta thrf, , "Hiiy, ou dn't Inne to to lo Minnesota lo go ficliliiR, You mo Letch Vni rlM hem In oiiihIih Just nn e.y If you hnw luiw, There's Just, no unuti flrh In Carter hike ( ever fared be In Mlnm sola." "Yes, mily not no many." "I "Hi t liHVe to be no iniiiiy, A fish Is s fli h wlier-.wr you find hint, All Is, joj bin" in know how to ketch 'em, Me, How, I II b.t I could ca'eli finh till you lonblnt In, nl 'cm away, riirht h're In l.'l'i'ei' lake, Onih'ir, if you can catch all four of tin in fyh Id ( ',-nicr liike you're a bigger uUiii'd limn Angler Thurston. I ci"iit IMi for bntt and boat hire last summer and nil I got wua buck " Mn.l Ontnll the Mali. ' .nit's know how! tjotta know how! fiut'S H! Y'golta hiive more Intelligence tS.in a flrh. Any fish In going lo gt naughl If he's properly approached." "iirother, tell mo how you ro going to catch fish In Carter Inke?" "'Act!, i row out a little ways, and !,v nie a loaf of sialu rye bread. 1 crumble It all up snd aprlnklo It on the water hi a. nice likely spot. Scatter It over about twelve yards of surfaced Klh nomes scouting aroifiid an' see they're Idling a little freo entertainment, so they stick around. Then I go and drop In my llnle lino right In the middle of the bread crumbs floating arotwid. Mister Huh see a nl'-e, fat worm, and ey, 'Aba, here's a ndwch," and grabs for It. Ulngo-my flh!' "Hlmple, ain't It?" h barber solicitously Inquired. "Hure, It's simple, If you know how. You try II, some time," "Old you ever try that?" "No, not yet. I read It In a book yes terday." "Oh, It s thst way, huh! Next!!" New York Portrait Painter in Omaha Mrs, Elisabeth liowdy Pakar, a prom inent New York artist, arrived Thurs day to be the guest of Mrs, K. W. Nash. Mr. Paker has patntedi portraits of Miss Krajieea Nanh, who la acquiring much musical fame, and another daugh ter of Mrs. Nash, the lato ?1s. Harry I 'art an. Another portrait from the, brush of Mrs. Paker Is that of the small daugh ter of Mrs. K. Olmond Plrd of New York City, formerly Miss Carlta Curtis of Omaha. INTEREST IN SPELLING IS BEING AWAKENED The superintendent of schools has re teivej from principal written spelling knl of all bight h H pt pile who were Kiven eleven scnlvncs from slips fur niched by the I nlverslty of Iowa. This university la making .1111 Investigation of si'cllliig methods and the benefit of this luvrrtlwatloii will l shared by the cities i u-i.peratlng In the iet. An awakening cf Interest In spelling In nnil. vd among educators of the coun try. C 1 1 iii. In tr.i.h'i stale. r, for lo-lptiig ).nirif tlo out to I'lin i!e fB 'sg.k l'i aitvt rtinemrnts PROF, FOSSLER TO LECTURE ON SUBJECT OF -EVOLUTION" it I i' i. ''ii 1 1 f l, li n - I i.-tirl . o 'l of l llllilrlll (if 1-ulohlr Uli( if l' c trr.lli of Ntl'ls, Will ilPtlltf hi ,. In nmiilii at T i'l'lm hll, '! h nii r'm mou, at II i-.ii.'Ujf iimoiirii t.n.ir ih II ,.f l( I'lll'uriAl) tlMi-li 'If ,ii Tin". hat i'in' ' iu ,i, t'H'f !' il' in I,, I ,'; t I '' ,,t O.r I C'.l.iH ef VIH,'. i i-f w i'i t v i.. i i in i .!' I .! I Alas and Alack, Harrison Reaches Oratorical Climax and Great Zounds! Oh. It was a whorper. Such an ear of Nebraska corn as C. F. Harrison took with him to New Orleans when he at tended the real estate convention there such1 an ear as Is seldom seen, even In this great corn state. Well, Inches don't mean much when one comes to speak of an ear of corn the sUe of this one. It was almost like one of the hickory logs our forefathers used to burn In the fireplace In the Blue mountains of Pennsylvania. Harrison was going to show It to the real estate men. lie expected to use It as a triumphal climax to the flve-mln-ute booster speech with which he hoped to win the International cup offered there. Many a time had he rehearsed that speech before hla mirror at home. Each time he drew that ear of corn from that big corset box ss ho thundered Into the climax. He even carried that corset box and the big ear of corn down town to the office of a private elocution teacher, where ho took two lessons at $2 apiece. Ho rould say his piece well, The elo cution teacher even complimented him. fKspeclally after he had paid the S4 In New Orleans Harrison carried the eorset box with the car of corn tinder his ami most of the time. lie took It . down to the breakfast table with lilr.i the first few mornings, but he never opened It, No, Indeed, he wss saving it j for the big surprise, After a while he 1 felt safe In leaving It In hla room until thn time of the final crlfils, 8o h attended sessions without It, Then came the fateful day. The, contest tvsa on. Hpeiiker after speaker had eulo gl.cil the glories and commercial magni tude of their home states, It was Harrison's turn. Slowly he got to his feet and nervously he adjusted the corset box beside him on the. table. lie orated and orated, Nebraska was the sun-kissed agricultural center of the Infinite, to hear him orate, Then the climax. He lifted high the corset box. Ho tore the rover off, plunged hi hand In and-good night! drew forth a miserable Louisiana nubbin. Home Omaha man had been so disloyal to his state a to substitute this for the big ear. Ktlll th Omaha crowd is faithful to him In his discomfiture. They swear that If the big ear had been In Its place Harrison would have won the cup. Colored Lad Goes Creeping at Night Seven-year-old HarolJ Partis, who Uvea with Mrs. fella Lewis at 212 Houth Twe. ty-seventh street, Is a cunning a mite of Kthoplsn cuteness as could be found In a long Journey. He's In difficulty, though, with that small boy's ogre, tins .Miller, probation officer. Harold likes tn run away. Kvery afternoon he ntslka off somewhere mid fail to show up until about midnight "Where do you go?" Miller asked him. "Ah Jest goes a ereepln'. dath awl," he explained, shrugging his shoulders. like a grownup and rolling his eyes until they looked like two, big while spots on a coal black surface. "You go a creeping? Where An you I creep?" "Oh, mos' anw'ereg. Ah Jest creeps, dath awl." We're Here to "Grow With Growing Omaha" r?7 - n n 1 VZ S'7So6J.U V U Omaha Homefu'rnithing Headquarten New Porch Swings Ready SUIT IN FEDERAI COURT T ' AST H1MES TO TWA! Trial of the suit of K,i.sheth McCoy ! against the Colon Cacif c rallioad for !:S,0o0 for the death of tier son, Charles McCoy, November ), 1911, was begun in i federal court ' Comethlrig of Ilia "law delay" i II lustrated tn this suit It orUlnnlly ! flbd suamst li s Mi'soiil I'aclflc railroad I n. was trie.) in Dim ferleial cyiirl liii j fsll, Arici netciai dsya imd I ".-en spent 1 1 with a liny snd many wilmsxes it was I j found I ml (be piopm ricfendant to u was the t,nioti I'arifie railroad, becaus ! the swlirii engine which caused McCoy deaili wm.i liiiori I'giific engine stiifi ! lug car on a Missouri Pacific track K ; the can wiie dlrniHeed and had lo be j reflled, and the several day's labor wilb ! the expensive federal court machinery j, were wssled. ; luCanliave In a Single Night By Using Cuticura Soap and Ointment On retiring bathe the hands freely with the Soar) and , hot water. Dry and rub y the Ointment well into the skin. Wipe off sur plus Ointment with soft tissue paper or let it remain and wear soft bandage, or old gloves during the night. Sample Each Free by Mail With 33-p. boot on ths skin. Address poMar4. "Cutleurs. Dept. )SO. Boiion." Bold everywhere. Bell-asms Absolutely Removes Indigestion. One package proves it 25c at all druggists. The tSwinp; pictured above is d feet lonp ami carcl'iilly built of Homely vrovrn, 1 urn bio won! her proof fiber, fiiiif-lictl foroftt ffrppn. The price t 1 Q 7C- in jUf-i iplOa O Other fiber HwinjW at .JO.TS, 1 12.7. and $M.50 Woo.1 Swires h low an S3.25, $U.75 and JjJ3.2.'5 Cooking Demonstration Saturday Between the Hourt of 2 and 5 and 7 and 9 O'clock P. M. ('ontiiiuinj? the demonstration of the last Iwo Saturday, which proved intensely inter esting: to hundreds of shrewd Omaha home keepers, another ex hibition of tlm remark able cooking, baking and fuel saving; quali ties of the Wonderful Detroit Vapor Oil and m Gasoline Stoves! will be ffiven on the basement fnles floor Saturday... Vdu anil your friendg are cordially invited. Meats will be roasted pnslrieH baked and heating power demonstrated to prove that the Detroit is just as efficient a cooking apparatus as the gas stove or steel range and with less than half the cost for fuel. The Detroit burns oil or gaaoline or oil and gasoline mixed. Needs No Wicks to Burn Oil, No Generating to Burn Gasoline V" ft! Come and see this marvelous stove in action and P J enjoy a cup of hot coffee while so doing. bVinem. bcr the hours, J to b 1. M. ami i to i 1. M. Miturtlny. Open a Charge Account and Welcome! CM AHA NUN WINS THE CRCI0H1CN LAW PRIZE Spcciail Lsce CeFfale Sale Satariay Only, April 29th An extraordinary purchase of handsome Iaee Curtains in nil the new weaves and ivittenis, bought direct from the mills at much less than market value, enables ns to offer the entire shipment at about half price ami less. In this bijj offering there are positively no damaged, miswuvcn or secon.l grade goods, all are absolutely guaranteed perfort. (me to this Big Sale u Sat urday expecting to find the best bargains ever offered and you will not be ths appointed. As uual yoit make your own terms, A Few Sample Prices Many Oihcrs Heautiful l."i"e eurtnins, all new and de sirable vt terns at, each 25c, 35c, 40c, 45c, 55c it I. tu ft I ,1 il " 'It . t I'.. . l .'t!1 , n ll t". l' -u ! I I .' t,A ,.( . . ! t W . I' ... j tl ..-'it C . !'..... ,.'., ouH j n VI rft I'- j l w,.i.. It .1 i' ' ! tint In I' t ' i i l.il trnf-i 4 .,,i..i'i' ' 1 I r .!"! :' KUl'tS It I 1 t t .1 I . ll l.l l. I .tlIHi . w 4 -J . : I .(I v I i., ' ' '' 1 1 1 ' ' I 1 . I"v ' ' I'll 'l t.'l l I. ( . i", l. I i - I n - .. . . I Heautiful laef curtains, all iicw nd e firnble patterns t, each $1.00, $1.15. $1.25, $1.40 and $1.55 IWviutiful lace curtains, all new and de I ruble patterns wt, em h-- 60c, 65c, 75c, 85c, 95c Hwautiful laee eurtaiiiH, all n w n dl lirahle fwittfrns at, each . $1.65, $1.75, $1.90, $2.10 and $2.25 U Only, S.tturd.iy, April 20th Lrg variety f Patterns ta e!ect from. mfs .r' , s . A Bxh ri.ui in Tride, Our Ou.trantce rrtcU you, Stct.-on Hats $3.50, $-1 Spring Caps Spring Rofl I'luiRing Kult fabrics, FUddIs, Ilomospn, C.'ovfrls, t'hsvlota, Oxfordt., Nrw tihowrr Troof modols, fillp-otis, riHlniHruri, New Body Tntrln and t.oore nark flylfi, $15, $18, $20, $25 , $5 "N. Mallory CVa vcnctte.l Huts, $3 Berg Special, $3 Slip-on English . , 81lp-ODi, big, roomy coat. Medium Htbt weight, in drk oiford mlied, rubberized material. , Fanry plaid lined and thoroughly ahower proof. A $10.00 value for $7.50 Otbara at $3.50, $5 UP to $15 lr Suilt Mt." Our New Suits Are Style Creations of Extraordinary Charm... Il-re yoii will find mn Maori ment of HprlitK Stills lhal, are irrHtlng a genuine eMiwi(.lon. AvSS.....$12, $15, $20 ViisllUiNi miM elsewhere at Via, f'i, f5. - The greatest rare ha wn exercised In Ihe selection of ntylrs, pallerna and a''Ky In newest fabrlrarut atrlpea, arreen rherWe. ehepherd and doran platdu Momeapuna, Plplng Ilork Manntls, Culture Htrlpea, Blue and Gray flwgea. A Wonderful Showing $10 Vow would never tnlnk a ararrlly of fabrl'a or dyrstuffa ever existed after aeelng this Ire mendoua rollectlon. Ktylea and guaranleed flta for nhort men, long men, allm men and fat men absolute aatlafartlon every time, Of men'a and young men's. plnb-back and one, two ana inree nuiion moaeta In all the popular weave and pstterna, at Kuppenheimer's Society Brand Suits These splendid gartnenla llltiatrate the highest reaih of master clotltea making aklll beautifully tailored, flcverly atyled garments, In a magnificent variety of weitve. and models $22.50, $25.00, $30.00 and up to $40.00 Every Boy's Suit With Two Pairs Knickers Beautiful new spring fabrka In mlxtur rhTka-etrlpea plalda eoala plnrh hnrk Nor folk alylea wllh balf or full lined JjC AA (roueera. fiperlally prired, Battirday P"vw Blue Serge Suits for Dress All with two pairs of linen lined trousers. In the new Norfolk models, guaran- "7 Cf teed fast rolor V ,UV7 Worth 110.00. rl A 1 1 UP W 1YI I ,.avea, with two palra of NEWSU1TS 5 $3 g5 " Boya aprlng fihlrta and Blouaea, 45, 75, $1 Boy's aprlog Underwear 4f and $1,00 Men's New Furnishings MEN'S Mn' new Phlrta of Madraa and CU1DXC , rl"' doth, aoft or pleated bos 011IKI0 oma, eoft or. laundered ouffa. $1.60 values for 81.15 Fine grade Madras or Terrain, aoft or laundered cuffs, at . .05 MEN'S SHIRTS MEN'S SHIRTS MEN'S SHIRTS Men's tr , Island Cotton, regular or short Underwear ingth Sl.00 Athletic Tlealed and rheek Nalnaook . t , .. gamtenta, eperlallv prlrM, Union Suits at 13S 7S. 05 Madras and Percale, laundered ruffH. ppedal 40 I'ure fillk Hhlrla, Peau de Crep. and other Tub Bllka, at SJ1.50. S5.00 and g(J.OO Men's Union Stilts, soft Sea, Night Oowne, ro. si. 00. Pajamas, SI. 81.50, 82. We Make Uniforms of Every Traveling Bags. Salt Cases. Maltless Alcoholfrec A Brannew Beverage On Tap and in Bottles Omaha Beverage Company 6002 to 016 South 30th Street Thone South 1267. SOUTH SIDE STATION, OMAHA, NEB. u II I ix siiutA. i..faJi-i5C-"-i - .'ayUJL- , , , , A hm fi iS Whs Jsinwss s fcf Ss 7 a .1 Advertise lost articles in The Dec. Most people are honest and this is the only way the finder can locate you. I I . I . 1 ' ! S r , t fail "fteisswesaBs iw'.saitatBais MCsk