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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (April 29, 1916)
THH KKE: OMAHA, SATl'UDAV. APK1L VMC.
GOULD CATCH FISH
Barbershop Malady Solved When He
Tells Easy Way to Fool the
BARBER IS A GOOD LISTENER
Into the barber shop brsMud a sllrk
looklng stranger, lie snapped hie hat
to the porti-r and In a Jiffy hail his col
lar and tlo off and was comfortably
(retched li the chair. This conversa
tlm ensued and the riddle "Why do
bsrlwrs die young T' wm eolved.
"Got any nice U-cent shave left?"
"That the only kind we have. Bar
ker collrge three blocks east."
" '8'all rlht. Just gimme a once-over."
"Once over It la. Haircut, too?"
"Nope. Clec, It ought to be a treat
liny tomorrow, Bet the ftsh'r biting to
bent th' band."
"Yep," the tonanrlallat answered. lad
to have a gregirlous ctiatomer. "But It
all depend on what business you're in.
Now with me, It don't make no differ
enci, whether It'a flab, or not. I have to
shave 'cm all the same."
He Meant II. I Flab.
"Fish, I said -not boobs! You're talk
ing about swkere and J m talking about
fUli. I mcHi lt'd be a awell day to catch
fish. Ml bet they'd bite on a watch
. 1 1 1 1 1 . "
"Oh! Yep, gue fishlti' ought to be
good about now, I'd like to b up In
.Mlnnrtii'Oila myself Junt about now,"
"In Allnneaiwll? Who cer h'-arl of
fkbliig In Minneapolis. You meun Mln
ii!otn.'' "Wlist's the difference, ain't Mlnncspv
in In Minnesota?"
"Hure, but thnto'S no fishing In Min
neapolis. You're still . thinking about
boobs. They have to go over to Ft, Ta'il
to i:at''il them,"
"Well, anyway, I'd like lo be up In that
Country fishing," the barber replied,
liiiiliu; sy. "Hoes tliU rHZor pull?"
lie I. el 'I'.ta thrf,
, "Hiiy, ou dn't Inne to to lo Minnesota
lo go ficliliiR, You mo Letch Vni rlM
hem In oiiihIih Just nn e.y If you hnw
luiw, There's Just, no unuti flrh In Carter
hike ( ever fared be In Mlnm sola."
"Yes, mily not no many."
"I "Hi t liHVe to be no iniiiiy, A fish Is
s fli h wlier-.wr you find hint, All Is, joj
bin" in know how to ketch 'em, Me,
How, I II b.t I could ca'eli finh till you
lonblnt In, nl 'cm away, riirht h're In
Onih'ir, if you can catch all four of
tin in fyh Id ( ',-nicr liike you're a bigger
uUiii'd limn Angler Thurston. I ci"iit
IMi for bntt and boat hire last summer
and nil I got wua buck "
Mn.l Ontnll the Mali.
' .nit's know how! tjotta know how!
fiut'S H! Y'golta hiive more Intelligence
tS.in a flrh. Any fish In going lo gt
naughl If he's properly approached."
"iirother, tell mo how you ro going to
catch fish In Carter Inke?"
"'Act!, i row out a little ways, and
!,v nie a loaf of sialu rye bread. 1
crumble It all up snd aprlnklo It on the
water hi a. nice likely spot. Scatter It
over about twelve yards of surfaced Klh
nomes scouting aroifiid an' see they're
Idling a little freo entertainment, so
they stick around. Then I go and drop
In my llnle lino right In the middle of
the bread crumbs floating arotwid. Mister
Huh see a nl'-e, fat worm, and ey,
'Aba, here's a ndwch," and grabs for
It. Ulngo-my flh!'
"Hlmple, ain't It?" h barber
"Hure, It's simple, If you know how.
You try II, some time,"
"Old you ever try that?"
"No, not yet. I read It In a book yes
terday." "Oh, It s thst way, huh! Next!!"
New York Portrait
Painter in Omaha
Mrs, Elisabeth liowdy Pakar, a prom
inent New York artist, arrived Thurs
day to be the guest of Mrs, K. W. Nash.
Mr. Paker has patntedi portraits of
Miss Krajieea Nanh, who la acquiring
much musical fame, and another daugh
ter of Mrs. Nash, the lato ?1s. Harry
I 'art an.
Another portrait from the, brush of
Mrs. Paker Is that of the small daugh
ter of Mrs. K. Olmond Plrd of New
York City, formerly Miss Carlta Curtis
INTEREST IN SPELLING
IS BEING AWAKENED
The superintendent of schools has re
teivej from principal written spelling
knl of all bight h H pt pile who were
Kiven eleven scnlvncs from slips fur
niched by the I nlverslty of Iowa. This
university la making .1111 Investigation of
si'cllliig methods and the benefit of this
luvrrtlwatloii will l shared by the cities
i u-i.peratlng In the iet.
An awakening cf Interest In spelling
In nnil. vd among educators of the coun
try. C 1 1 iii. In tr.i.h'i stale.
r, for lo-lptiig ).nirif tlo out to I'lin
i!e fB 'sg.k l'i aitvt rtinemrnts
PROF, FOSSLER TO LECTURE
ON SUBJECT OF -EVOLUTION"
f l, li n - I i.-tirl . o 'l of l
llllilrlll (if 1-ulohlr Uli( if l' c
trr.lli of Ntl'ls, Will ilPtlltf hi
,. In nmiilii at T i'l'lm hll, '!
h nii r'm mou, at II
i-.ii.'Ujf iimoiirii t.n.ir ih II
,.f l( I'lll'uriAl) tlMi-li 'If
,ii Tin". hat i'in' ' iu
,i, t'H'f !' il' in
I,, I ,'; t I ''
,,t O.r I C'.l.iH ef VIH,'.
i i-f w i'i t v i.. i i in i .!'
Alas and Alack, Harrison Reaches
Oratorical Climax and Great Zounds!
Oh. It was a whorper. Such an ear of
Nebraska corn as C. F. Harrison took
with him to New Orleans when he at
tended the real estate convention there
such1 an ear as Is seldom seen, even In
this great corn state.
Well, Inches don't mean much when
one comes to speak of an ear of corn
the sUe of this one. It was almost like
one of the hickory logs our forefathers
used to burn In the fireplace In the Blue
mountains of Pennsylvania.
Harrison was going to show It to the
real estate men. lie expected to use It
as a triumphal climax to the flve-mln-ute
booster speech with which he hoped
to win the International cup offered there.
Many a time had he rehearsed that
speech before hla mirror at home. Each
time he drew that ear of corn from that
big corset box ss ho thundered Into the
He even carried that corset box and
the big ear of corn down town to the
office of a private elocution teacher,
where ho took two lessons at $2 apiece.
Ho rould say his piece well, The elo
cution teacher even complimented him.
fKspeclally after he had paid the S4
In New Orleans Harrison carried the
eorset box with the car of corn tinder
his ami most of the time. lie took It .
down to the breakfast table with lilr.i
the first few mornings, but he never
opened It, No, Indeed, he wss saving it j
for the big surprise, After a while he 1
felt safe In leaving It In hla room until
thn time of the final crlfils,
8o h attended sessions without It,
Then came the fateful day. The, contest
tvsa on. Hpeiiker after speaker had eulo
gl.cil the glories and commercial magni
tude of their home states,
It was Harrison's turn.
Slowly he got to his feet and nervously
he adjusted the corset box beside him
on the. table.
lie orated and orated, Nebraska was
the sun-kissed agricultural center of the
Infinite, to hear him orate,
Then the climax. He lifted high the
corset box. Ho tore the rover off,
plunged hi hand In and-good night!
drew forth a miserable Louisiana nubbin.
Home Omaha man had been so disloyal
to his state a to substitute this for the
Ktlll th Omaha crowd is faithful to
him In his discomfiture. They swear
that If the big ear had been In Its place
Harrison would have won the cup.
Colored Lad Goes
Creeping at Night
Seven-year-old HarolJ Partis, who Uvea
with Mrs. fella Lewis at 212 Houth Twe.
ty-seventh street, Is a cunning a mite
of Kthoplsn cuteness as could be found In
a long Journey. He's In difficulty,
though, with that small boy's ogre, tins
.Miller, probation officer. Harold likes tn
run away. Kvery afternoon he ntslka off
somewhere mid fail to show up until
"Where do you go?" Miller asked him.
"Ah Jest goes a ereepln'. dath awl,"
he explained, shrugging his shoulders.
like a grownup and rolling his eyes until
they looked like two, big while spots on
a coal black surface.
"You go a creeping? Where An you I
"Oh, mos' anw'ereg. Ah Jest creeps,
We're Here to "Grow With Growing Omaha"
r?7 - n n
1 VZ S'7So6J.U V U
Omaha Homefu'rnithing Headquarten
New Porch Swings Ready
SUIT IN FEDERAI COURT
T ' AST H1MES TO TWA!
Trial of the suit of K,i.sheth McCoy !
against the Colon Cacif c rallioad for
!:S,0o0 for the death of tier son, Charles
McCoy, November ), 1911, was begun in i
federal court '
Comethlrig of Ilia "law delay" i II
lustrated tn this suit It orUlnnlly !
flbd suamst li s Mi'soiil I'aclflc railroad I
n. was trie.) in Dim ferleial cyiirl liii j
fsll, Arici netciai dsya imd I ".-en spent 1 1
with a liny snd many wilmsxes it was I j
found I ml (be piopm ricfendant to u
was the t,nioti I'arifie railroad, becaus !
the swlirii engine which caused McCoy
deaili wm.i liiiori I'giific engine stiifi !
lug car on a Missouri Pacific track K ;
the can wiie dlrniHeed and had lo be j
reflled, and the several day's labor wilb !
the expensive federal court machinery j,
were wssled. ;
In a Single
On retiring bathe the hands
freely with the Soar) and
, hot water. Dry and rub
y the Ointment well into the
skin. Wipe off sur
plus Ointment with
soft tissue paper or
let it remain
or old gloves
Sample Each Free by Mail
With 33-p. boot on ths skin. Address poMar4.
"Cutleurs. Dept. )SO. Boiion." Bold everywhere.
Indigestion. One package
proves it 25c at all druggists.
The tSwinp; pictured above is d feet lonp ami carcl'iilly
built of Homely vrovrn, 1 urn bio won! her proof fiber,
fiiiif-lictl foroftt ffrppn. The price t 1 Q 7C-
in jUf-i iplOa O
Other fiber HwinjW at .JO.TS, 1 12.7. and $M.50
Woo.1 Swires h low an S3.25, $U.75 and JjJ3.2.'5
Cooking Demonstration Saturday
Between the Hourt of 2 and 5
and 7 and 9 O'clock P. M.
('ontiiiuinj? the demonstration
of the last Iwo Saturday,
which proved intensely inter
esting: to hundreds of
shrewd Omaha home
keepers, another ex
hibition of tlm remark
able cooking, baking
and fuel saving; quali
ties of the
Vapor Oil and m
will be ffiven on the basement fnles floor Saturday...
Vdu anil your friendg are cordially invited.
Meats will be roasted pnslrieH baked and heating
power demonstrated to prove that the Detroit is just
as efficient a cooking apparatus as the gas stove or
steel range and with less than half the cost for fuel.
The Detroit burns oil or gaaoline or oil and gasoline
Needs No Wicks to Burn Oil, No
Generating to Burn Gasoline
ft! Come and see this marvelous stove in action and P
J enjoy a cup of hot coffee while so doing. bVinem.
bcr the hours, J to b 1. M. ami i to i 1. M. Miturtlny.
Open a Charge Account and Welcome!
CM AHA NUN WINS THE
CRCI0H1CN LAW PRIZE
Spcciail Lsce CeFfale Sale
Satariay Only, April 29th
An extraordinary purchase of handsome Iaee Curtains in nil the new
weaves and ivittenis, bought direct from the mills at much less than market
value, enables ns to offer the entire shipment at about half price ami less.
In this bijj offering there are positively no damaged, miswuvcn or secon.l
grade goods, all are absolutely guaranteed perfort. (me to this Big Sale u Sat
urday expecting to find the best bargains ever offered and you will not be ths
appointed. As uual yoit make your own terms,
A Few Sample Prices Many Oihcrs
Heautiful l."i"e eurtnins, all new and de
sirable vt terns at, each
25c, 35c, 40c, 45c, 55c
ft I ,1 il " 'It . t I'.. . l .'t!1
, n ll t". l' -u !
.' t,A ,.(
. . ! t W .
I' ... j
tl ..-'it C .
!'..... ,.'., ouH j
n VI rft I'- j
l w,.i.. It .1 i'
' ! tint In I' t ' i
i l.il trnf-i 4 .,,i..i'i'
' 1 I r .!"!
:' KUl'tS It I 1
t t .1 I .
ll l.l l. I .tlIHi
. w 4 -J . : I .(I v I i.,
' ' '' 1 1 1 ' ' I 1 . I"v ' ' I'll 'l t.'l l I. (
. i", l. I i -
I n - .. . . I
Heautiful laef curtains, all iicw nd e
firnble patterns t, each
$1.00, $1.15. $1.25, $1.40
IWviutiful lace curtains, all new and de
I ruble patterns wt, em h--
60c, 65c, 75c, 85c, 95c
Hwautiful laee eurtaiiiH, all n w n dl
lirahle fwittfrns at, each .
$1.65, $1.75, $1.90, $2.10
Lrg variety f Patterns ta e!ect from.
mfs .r' , s .
, $5 "N.
vcnctte.l Huts, $3
Berg Special, $3
English . ,
Otbara at $3.50,
$5 UP to $15
lr Suilt Mt."
Our New Suits
Are Style Creations of
Il-re yoii will find mn Maori ment of HprlitK Stills lhal, are irrHtlng a genuine eMiwi(.lon.
AvSS.....$12, $15, $20
ViisllUiNi miM elsewhere at Via, f'i, f5. -
The greatest rare ha wn exercised In Ihe selection of ntylrs, pallerna and a''Ky In
newest fabrlrarut atrlpea, arreen rherWe. ehepherd and doran platdu Momeapuna, Plplng
Ilork Manntls, Culture Htrlpea, Blue and Gray flwgea.
A Wonderful Showing
Vow would never tnlnk a ararrlly of fabrl'a
or dyrstuffa ever existed after aeelng this Ire
mendoua rollectlon. Ktylea and guaranleed flta
for nhort men, long men, allm men and fat men
absolute aatlafartlon every time,
Of men'a and young men's. plnb-back and one,
two ana inree nuiion moaeta
In all the popular weave and
Kuppenheimer's Society Brand Suits
These splendid gartnenla llltiatrate the highest reaih of master clotltea making aklll beautifully
tailored, flcverly atyled garments, In a magnificent variety of weitve. and models
$22.50, $25.00, $30.00 and up to $40.00
Every Boy's Suit
With Two Pairs Knickers
Beautiful new spring fabrka In mlxtur
rhTka-etrlpea plalda eoala plnrh hnrk Nor
folk alylea wllh balf or full lined JjC AA
(roueera. fiperlally prired, Battirday P"vw
Blue Serge Suits for Dress
All with two pairs of linen lined trousers. In the
new Norfolk models, guaran- "7 Cf
teed fast rolor V ,UV7
rl A 1 1 UP W 1YI I ,.avea, with two palra of
NEWSU1TS 5 $3 g5
" Boya aprlng fihlrta and Blouaea, 45, 75, $1
Boy's aprlog Underwear 4f and $1,00
Men's New Furnishings
MEN'S Mn' new Phlrta of Madraa and
CU1DXC , rl"' doth, aoft or pleated bos
011IKI0 oma, eoft or. laundered ouffa.
$1.60 values for 81.15
Fine grade Madras or Terrain,
aoft or laundered cuffs, at . .05
tr , Island Cotton, regular or short
Underwear ingth Sl.00
Athletic Tlealed and rheek Nalnaook
. t , .. gamtenta, eperlallv prlrM,
Union Suits at 13S 7S. 05
Madras and Percale, laundered
ruffH. ppedal 40
I'ure fillk Hhlrla, Peau de Crep.
and other Tub Bllka, at SJ1.50.
S5.00 and g(J.OO
Men's Union Stilts, soft Sea,
ro. si. 00.
SI. 81.50, 82.
A Brannew Beverage
On Tap and in Bottles
Omaha Beverage Company
6002 to 016 South 30th Street
Thone South 1267.
SOUTH SIDE STATION, OMAHA, NEB.
I ix siiutA. i..faJi-i5C-"-i - .'ayUJL-
, , , ,
s fcf Ss
7 a .1
Advertise lost articles in The Dec. Most
people are honest and this is the only
way the finder can locate you.
I I . I . 1 '
! S r ,
t fail "fteisswesaBs
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