THE BEE: OMAHA, MONDAY, JUNE 21, 1915.
Bp(pk am & U slss&lz t fm e Pa$e
Those Who Live
in the Past
"Mr. Dooley" on Hyphens and Other Sorts
Republished by Permission of Hearst's Magazine for June,
in Which It is One of a Number of the All-Star Features
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.
The past waa goodly one, end yet
tlwn all Is Mid. , , .
The br at of It we Know Is that It done
end drnd. , ,.
Du'.y end work end Joy these things It
cannot siva: .....
And the preterit U "if, and life Is good
It It "lie where It fell, far from the living
aim, .
The !.!, that coodljr once, l gr-ne end
da1 end done. HENLEY.
For all who live the time In now: the
rtny I here, rd opportunity Ilea) ahead.
Why thrn grWe over thlnprs In the pent
tbat we may well Winn undone, but that
fir all. our wishing are arcompllaheil
facta .
If the man who l atrlrken with WHnd
nesa were to ait ind Brieve over the fart
Itself Insteaf of trylr.g to adjuat hlmaelf
to new -vnditloria and to learn to uae hla
other eencea to take the place (a far as
possible) of the one he has lost, would
not hi life become wholly d-aolate?
' It l only In adjusting yourself to the
conditions of your present elrcumstsnres
whatever they are that there. Ilea any
y chance of yc.ur finding life worth living.
Teeterday'a blunders belong to yeaterJay
' along with yeaterday's hopes end 'cars.
Becauee thoae hnpea end fears and blun
ders were part of your experience yeater
. day, you may be a little different today
hut you have a new aet of problems tJ
face today, and you mut not dUtract
your own eltcntlon from them to wony
ever the way you met yeaterday's situa
tion. Teatorday la finished. It la not piece
of knittinj you can unravel to do over
end do better. It Is MS Irrevocable as
nature. You cannot stop flowers from
coming If certain seeda are planted and
fertilised you cannot prevent weeds
from springing up under certain Condi
tlons. But learning whet produces flow.
' erg and what weeds, you can be careful
about the conditions you produre.
fo with your yesterdays. They pro
duced certain things. Don't Worry about
them uaelonely. lon't let your past be a
ghost to haunt you. Instead, uae It as
a bit of experience on which to build a
, better future. '
Perhaps you ara ashamed of your paat.
Put shame won't be a factor for future
growth If. you merely wallow In the
murk of what you wish nad not Toecn. It
has been. You have, not youryesterday
to live over and better. Put your todny
you have now, and your tomorrow you
will have, soon, and there la nothing In
lour past to prevent our living them
well.
Don't repeat your paat blunders. But
no more must you dwell on them la
nicmory. Give your attention to making
your today and tomorrow SO splendid
that yovlr yesterday In the great balance
of life will be outweighed and wlU not
count.
"This yonr ve'or little Packoy won't shoot oft any firecrackers because it's tit' Foorth iv July, instead he'll be cillybralin' th' annivarsary
uv th' fall iv Sedan, or th' king's birthday, or th' day th' Basted was pushed over, or th' czar'a birthday, or Baiuazan or whativer makes tho
Japs glad they're Japs."
..-ss
V'' " -
i
m
v.1
- mm
. 1"- 7, I.-,.im.W-
In-Shoots i
We always like to quote threatening
Scripture when it eppllea to th other
chap. .
In these days of enterprise It 1 better
to if ft room on the ground floor than, at
the top.
The man who believes everything that
he hears will do well to stopup hie
When experience will turn an honest
mnn Into a rogue It la better to remain
unsophisticated.
The fellows who are always complain
ing that the town Is alow seldom display
a disposition to move out
It la alwaya necessary to gamble la
order to get something for nothing.
When h man ta charitable through life
tli world 1s charitable at bit death.
When In litigation It la best not to be
too economical In thornattlcf of lawyers.
j Home " pereoiie object to revivals evi
dently, from the fear that heaven will
not be exclusive enough In future.
When a fellow becomes so religious
that be Cannot enjoy a ctreue street
parade pMy ! Indeed a burden.
Mr. Hennessy tlVes between holidays
In wistful expectation of the next one,
c It was no surprise to Mr. Dooley,
when one bitter day in May. he suddenly
asked: "What ar-re ye goln' to do on
the Foorth W July?"
"Th' Fvorth if July," aald Mr. Dooley.
"Why, th' Foorth Iv JulyT Why don't
ye aak me what I'm goln' to do on th'
ninth Ir Novlmbert How do I know what
I'm goln' to do on th' Foorth it July,
ye gomerll? Oh, Oh! yea, yes, yes! I
see what ye mane now, Well, I'm goln'
to pull down the blinds an' stay In dures.
It'll be no day this year f'r wan Iv us
old migrant fathers to chow his face In
th athreeU.
"I'd be aocuused lv beln' onpalhriotlo
and maybe some Bohsymlan-Anierlcan
wud give me a lick over th' head with a
hovel. 1 explct th' mayor ' to paste
proclamations on th' fences caliln' on all
Ukmerleane to keep their homes that day
odllM compelled be business to go out
an'. In that caee to refrain fr'm anny
offensive uttherances like "The Star
Fpangled'Uanner.' , .
The Foorth lv July ain't th' natyional
holiday this year. No, sir, an' 1 ain't
sorry. Th' war has cost us wan nay-
tlonal holiday, but it's give us a dosen
Te ar little Fackey won't shoot oft anny
fire crack re this year to remind th
fire department that u 1 years ago
Jawn Hancock set down at a desk an'
grabbed th' ol' goosequill fr'm h' hand
Iv Benjamin Franklin an' wrote his II
lusthrtees monnlcker at th' fut Iv a
dooymlnt that declares that all mn
ar re free an' akel ontll they get their
i
mum c An
HARDLY BELIEVE
How Mrs. Hurley Was Re-
stored to Health by Lvdia
C Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.
first meal.
But Instead iv that he'U be up arly in
th' morning clllybrattn' th' anniversary
Iv th' fall Iv fedan, or th' klng'a birth
day, or th' day th' Baateel was puahed
over, or th' caar'e birthday, or Hamatan
or whativer oocaalon it was that makes
: . - .: . v:.-
" " ' f ' ! , - ' i I v. ;. .. .
.inn llltillIM , M. a,, I, mm
v . , . i - t a stout. , l n x
. . . Tj - f
th' Japs glad they're Jape.
"At my time lv life Ite hard fr me
to Tarn a new songBut I'm getttn' our
nayttonal anthem be heart I know th'
Wacht am Rhelm' ffro hearln
ISchwartbemelster sing it theM thirty
years. "Gawd Save th' Kink' Is fammllyar
to me because th' EnglUh stoteth chune
fr'm us. I can't sing th' wurruds because
they might stick in me throat an' choke
me, but I'll hum it An' I know th'
Marseillaise' be heart. I lamed It fr'm
a German arnychlst, an" was wanes ar-
rlsted f'r warlln' it during a athreet
car sthrlke. ' 1 i
Owes Arms, cltayen; rormy voo oaciy
on.
March on, march one, uh sank lmpeer.
Ah, bravica, nose along."
Wow's that Tr a Fr-rlneh-Amerlcan?
But I don't know th' Auathreen nay
ttonal anthem or th Rooahyan or th'
Haryvan, if they have jwan, an' I s'poee
they have, I r manny a nauon naa m
naytlonal anthem that hasn't anny shoes.
I'll larn all tlieae fr'm me neighbors, an
whin J go to th' laundhry fr me ahlrt
an' ouffa next Baturdah I'll aak
Lung to play fr me with his wan dhrunvx
stick whativer pathrlotio wail th' Japs
put up., An' be this time next year I'll
be as good a German-Anglo-Rooetiyan-tY-rln:h-Aualhreen-Bllglan-Barvyan-JaP
-AmerV-ran
aa ivr parttklerly renounced
allegiance to the kaletr, cur, lmpror,
king or mickydoo. ,
"I nlver put a hypen In me naytlonallty
befure. I w..a born in Ireland, which
makes me a native American. Ipay facto,
as Hug an aays. An' Ireland ain't in this
war. frhere ar're a lot lv Irishmen la
It, but' they were sejooced be th' natoh
ral spoortin Instincts Iv th' race,' an
because they like th' brave little Frinch
le who took th' wild geese In, hur.dherds
Iv yeers ago, an' made Jooks an' mar-
keeees Iv. thlm, an' has always been on
th' best Iv terms with us, both Iv us
h , V' w 'V :":.n J
7-: :':'.:. ' v'M
ir're In his j
r he calls 4
V "It's all.,
thlnWn' we'd get together some day an'
take a ktck at Perfidjous Album.' i
"Qdllagher, th lr'n-wurruker- who was
slnt to Fr-rance a few years ago to help
make a bridge he can throw a rivet aa
far aa Ty Cobb ud throw a base bail
tells we that whin he said he was Ire
landays he had to athrugKle to keep fr'm
beln' kissed be a ' bricklayer with ' a
goatee. .
I "I larned most lv me Frtnch fr'm him.
I can see a fellow fr'm me own dear Bos-
Read It Here See It at the Movies
eg" 'Hi i t, mTl
li . - A.. ia -reai..'
fTS. .A Sr jn-rT'
ill It Si" ft rjr . 1
foHni Picture Sen'! ondoye
- ""What is internaytional lawt" asked Mr. Hennessy. "Itis
tliis," said Mr. Dooley, shaking his fjrst under the astonished
Mr. Hennessy 's nose.
XT
1 tt-fr 1
B J A 111 t 1
displacement, inilammauon ana iemai
i weaaueea. or two
jyeart I could not
1 stand on my feet
locg at a time and I
could not walk two
blocks without en-
duriag cutting and
drawing paina down
my right aide which
Increased every
month. 1 have been
bt that time purple
I In the face and would
walk the floor. I could not He down or
Mt g tiil eometlmes for a day and a night
at a time. I was nervous, and had very
little appetite, no ambition, melancholy.
and often felt aa though I had not a
friend in the-world. After I had tried
iiiuat every female remedy without suo
reH. my mother-in-law advlei me to
U.W Lydia K. Ilnkhara's VegeUblo
Coiiaxjurid. I did to aod gained in
trer.g-th every day. 1 have now no trou
ble in any way and highly praisa your
medicine It advertise lUwir.-'tlra,
& T. llt'RLKY, Eidoa, MiaaourL
Remember, U.e remedy which did
this we Lydia ii rinkham'g VegUUa
Corapouiid. i or a!e everywhere.
' It has helped thousands of women
who have been troubled with displace
rrients.inflammation, ulceration, tumors,
jrreguUvriu-s, fwrio-lic palos, backache,
that Uarifig down feeling, indication,
and nervous proaUation, after all other
meaci have failed. Y by don't you try
ill lydia V, i'iukhwa Uediciaa Co.,
Lynn, Haas.
(Copyright tpld. by the ,aer Co, All For
eign Htjhts P.eaerved.)
8ynpkU of ITevloua Chapter. 4
After he tragic death of John Amea
buiy, hla piuatiated wife, one of Amrr
tra'a crrati-Ft beautlea, die. At her death
t'rof. titihlirr, an agent of the lutereata
kllna te beautiful - ear-old baby
Kill und brlnga her up in a paradlae
here she ares no man, but thuika she
la tauifht by anseis who Instruct her for
her ntiitekm to i florin the world. At the
e o( Is aha la auiidtnly thriat Into tne
world where ante of the Interests are
readr to pretend to find her.
The en-! to !wi tne loaa or Tne lime
AmeHtiiiiy lr most, after she had bn
hIiiumI kiuiv by tlie Inurvaui. waa
Toniiny Uari'fY
I lttf n yvara I
Allr..i,lf k. The Interenta are responsi
ble fi-r tl trip. Hy aciulent he ta tha (Hot
to iiMart the little Ameabury girl, aa alia
mnn a forth from her jwrartlae aa Ceieatia
tlie Kill from heaven. Neither Tommy nor
I'elcmla reiinlB-e each other. Tommy
finds It an eay nietler to rescue eieaiia
fioin Fror. Blllllter aim tney nine in
the mountalna; later they are pursued
by hlllluer and eaane to an laland where
thev epend the nlrtit. .
that nmlit. MllMtcr. rmiowing ni In
dian futile, reai'hea ta talaml. roima
.stla ail Tiiiiiniy, om oia noi aieiuiu
I hem In the n-ornliig Tommy aoes lor a
s wtnt'. I'lirtna M etiaenie Stilllter at
tempts to ateal leleatla wno runa io
Toniiuv for help, followed nv piunier.
The latter at om rvaiiea lommya pre
rtir.niHnl tie Uk- ailvantaa-e of It by
tKHiiitf not only Olentla a, imi I immy a
cki.ttiea. tillilller reaciiea rour onieie
hh -lii tual in time to catch an
em f"r New York, tbere he placea
('el-iia lit Bellevue hoaiiilaU where her
eanltv la proven by the authorities.
Tommy rea'-hea Wellevue Jutt before bill
hi..'. 1....BWilr
Tommy a flret aim waa to get Ceieatia
away from ttl!liter. After tley leave
u.itMvne Tnininv la unable to set any
hotel to take iVIealla in owing toMi-r
continue. Hut later he perauadea his
lutk... in l,.in har When ha ( out
to the tixl he flnls her im. Ki.e alia
I, .In lha harnta lit while Siavrra. oui
fai-apea and to live wllh a nmr fain-
Uv b re name or ix.lixm-. n i"n n-r
mm kri'ililie rturna home re r,no 'vi"
In lir rn leFia. "
. -h tun inrlrwiv-M off
ward thnt te hrp-d tf 'et
eicuae me please a minute he's my
husband." '
And she, too, left the room, and Ceieatia
waa alone, but not tor lonar. Her ejult k
ear caticht the sound of a stealthy move
ment.
"You, Freddie." Sweetaer had sold. "If
vnn H rnn ,v,i nn that a-lrl vnu lirinr her
to me, understand. There's money In lt,"1
' 'Honor brisht, smiled Celestla.
It was thrn no longer necessary for
Freddie to take sudden action. If Celec
tla was coin to live "on In the same
house it' would be a simple matter at
aome propitious moment (when she waan't
looking at a fellow, for Instance) to turn
her over to Bweetser.
Nevertheless, It seemed to Freddie that
and he added with a kind of fierce the matter required thought, and he slunk
jocoalty. "Brine: her dead or alive.'' But j off to do that very thing. I waan't easy
Freddie the Fernet had understood only 1 for him to Jhlak. It required tune and
the words, and. not the jocosity. So when; luck, tdle had less good luck at thinking
with his usual bull luck be found the ob
ject of his search, right in the parlor of
later Tommy es to the M W CWB father, house, h. cast,
aooui iur a urin ttun wmiii, iv n I'
ll lie, or, if neceaaury, to kill her. There
was money in it.
When Ceieatia turned and saw him, he
had in his rUht hand a heavy table leg,
and upon his half-wit face a scowl of the
utmost ferocity.
Don t be afraid." said Ceieatia, calmly.
"I won't hurt you."
And that -a as almost the laat thins
that Freddie's vaguely working mind e-
pected her to' say. "Bhe." he 'thought.
ought to be afraid of me. I era a man;
she la a girl. I have a club; aha baan'L
I am to take her to Sweetaer. dead or
alive. I can crack her head like aa egg.
8o, w hy doea ahe " tell me not to be
afraid? Why doea ahe say ahe won't
hurt me? Ma) be she's sot a gun. Maybe
ahe knows sometnlng."
All the while her magnificent, compas
sionate eyea held ' him- epeUbound. He
heard something fall heavily to the floor.
He looked to see what it waa It was
his club. He tried to pick It up, but
aeemed to lack the neceesary muscular
control.
' Whal e yourname?" aaked Ceieatia.
rredJIe Uouglaa."
Do yuu belong la this house?"
"Y. ma'am."
"Then we inuat be frlrnda, because I
belong here, too."
"You a"in tn live with us?"
tt-l fo-
"Me broken down." aald Mrs. Ii-iir-
!o n a vol. e full of tears and awe,
he don't want you to see him cry.
(MolH niKl'tid
nil i Honor bright.
Just pl'louely.
than at anything elae. lie started along
one path of thought, and Just when he
ought to have been setting aor.iewhero,
some other path woulj entice him, or
he'd turn aside for a moment, or ait down
to rest, and by the time he waa ready
to start again, he waa very likely to
have forgotten which way he had been
going. And if that ain't, hard luck .'or
la thinker I don't know what. Is. But
sometimes he was lucky, and In a flash
he would think out a whole problem to
Its conclusion. It waa as if certain parts
of his dull brain were Infected witft
brightness. It was a pity that the dull
parte coudn't catch the Infection and be
briaht, too.
Hla prosoaltlon waa this: Sweetaer had
paid ll.ooo for Ceieatia and had lot her.
lie had said to' Freddie in effect. "Get
her back. There's money in it." How
much money was there in It? Suppose
there was so much, how could Freddie
turn it Into more? Probably Mr. Baxter'
would also pay money to know what had
become of Ceieatia. Freddie knew that
hll father needed more money to pay the
rent, and the bright spots in his brain
began to work.
V'lrat he went to Sweetaer. ,
"Well." aald Sweetaer.
"I shouldn't wonder," aald Freidie, "If
I was going to find her. I got a clue.
"Good."
"How much money s there in it?"
"A dollar."
Freddie sitni'ly auulv l t sad little smile,
turned on hla heel and started to walk
aaked Freddie eus- jeway.
common In th' threnchea. cuddlln' his
rifle up to his cheek, an' sayln'; 'I
think I cud shoot Just as straight if
thlm Dutch was th' same naytlonallty
as me shVral. How about you, Looey?'
'Avlck too monaT coor, alike,' says' th'
ally. I see be th' pa-aper a month ago
that a tur-rlbie, 'ragin' Scotchman had
lept Into th' threncea an'-single handed
an' alone with th' butt end It bis gun
had kilt ten Germans an' led two back
captive. I was Jealous, mind ye. fr me
cousin Mike had held th record up to
that time an" I Cldn't want to eee It
pass out Iv ' th' fam'ly to a Scotchman.
Th' pa-aper didn't give th' name Iv this
in'uryated Ctlydonlan. I wondherd was
It Mao-donald or Cameron or Douglas or
Half and Half. ' It' came out Vaa' week.
Th' name iv this dauntleas . Heelander,
thla fearlesa' fechter, this bra w, braw,
la-ad fr'm bonny Doon, - wAf Dennis
O'Leanr.
' "It is too bad that there's no such
thing aa complete happineee In thla tm
perflct , wurruld. As Hogan says, there's
always a fly In th' butter. Here's . th'
grandest Commotion th' wurruld has rver
known since th' first Bernhardt clouted
his neighbor over th'.bead wUh a stone
hammer. A noble shindig that makes all
th' wars Ir Alexandher, Joolyous Caysar
an Napolyon th ur-reet look like a
game Iv checkers at th' T. M. C. A.
.'It sppears a tho-uch 'twas made spe
cyally f'r our testes an' Inclinations as
a race. An' best Iv all th Irish ar're
aaked to fight alongede th' people they
like most in th'. wurruld. But whin they
go to da It, lo an' bel old.' th.-y find
Ihlmsllves ftghtln' fr th" people they
like th' last In th' wurruld. It's th' bad
luck IV th' rare that'll follow us f river.
Hut yell nivrr make me cross with an
Irishman who fights alongsido a
r r nninnun no manner wnei wnai
counthry he fights a fin bar wan.'
"But here I ara ramblln along like a
southern congressman. What was I sayln'
when I skidded?- Ob. - about hyphens.
Whin I get hyphenatln" mesltf I won't
be stingy. .I'll not be contlnt with wan
hyphen.-They're about th' cheapest thing
In th' printer's case. I'll have a dosen
lv them if nlcUary, ruady for use. In an
emergency An in ellf-definse, fr a man
ain't safe these days beln' just an
American.
'He's got to be some kind Iv Amer
ican. So whin Sedan tumbles again I'll
go to th' bureau dhrawer, pull out th'
hyphen sooted-to th' occasyon, run down
fechwartsmeleter's an' hock th' kaiser
wtth him. An' it lver I hock th' kaiser
I'll tear up th' ticket.
"I year ago this was all wan coun
thry. On th" may yet see It marked 'V.
B. A.' Today it oujrht to be marked
Jlsunlted States Iv Europe.' Ivry coun
thry. In th' wurruld Is represinted in th
letters to th' tditor Iv th' paper. In wan
evolyum I eee: 'As a naihrallsed citlsen
an' a rejlsthered voted In th' seventeenth
precinct lv th' Fourth ward, an proud Iv
me adopted counthry, I wish to de
nounce as thralthorous in' in Jully bad
taste ye'er idltoryal clainln' that we have
not th' right to eon-flscate ye'er. ships
wherelver we find them.'
"We have always been proud Iv this
onfashlnable suburb Iv Britain., We have
recognized ye as our cousins aeroat th'
seas while ye stayed aero at th' seas, an'
we've wlsht ye sucoeas In a modhrate
way. - But we'll be Jolly weH blowed If
whin England, our England, Is flghtin'
f'h her life to bust up a rival shop, we'll
let anny pusvlonimoua Tankee come
sneakin' in anV get our business sway
fr'm ua.
"Th' Swedi-s an' Norwegyans can
thrade with th' Germans because they
don't count. We can if we want to.
But ye oan't. I apeak thus plainly, sir,
because I feel that I am an American
an' I don't want to get me adopted coun
thry In throuble with th' British Lion,
which cud gulp it down in waa mouth.
ful. Te'ers fr th Anglo-Saxon princi
pals tv Internaytional law. J. Cecil
Hawkins-Hawkins.
"In another colyum I read: ."Herr Idl-
tor: Though born In Germany I am a
good dale more loyal son v lv America
than a tiny wan born here. I wish to write
dispaasyonate, f r we Germans sre coot
In argymint, though , brave as hungry
tigers in battle. We are nach rally a
fair-minded, o'am an', ginrous people,
who on'y want a place in th' sun where
we can put up our feet on th' table.
" 'It la In this spirit Iv open-mindedneas
that' I say that th' statement In ye'er
pa-apcr that th' kaiser has a cold in 'his
head is a base, foul, calumnious He paid
fr be British goold. It Is a lie. D'ye
hear me? A lie! I dare ye to come
outside an deny what I say. Let th
low' money-giubhln' Tsnke'es, who ar're
lickin' th' boots of Britain, beware. We
Germans have stood enough Iv ye'er
-slavish subaervyence to ye'er masters.
Wan mere peep lv symrathy fr socursed
Rngland an' the alventy million sons lv th'
dear Fatherland in this Ignoble counthry
will not be reaponsible f r what they do.
" 'I love America sber Deutschland
uber allea. Te'ers In th spirit Iv fair,,
play. Doctor Owgoost Schmitt, Captain
Ttrtith Ward yGerman-Reiiubllcan
Marchln' Club.'
"An' so it goes. No wan threats us as
though we had a right to he on th' map.
Maybe we haven't. On'y th' old pasthry
cook down th' .sthreet Is cheerful an
emilln' all the time aven whin he's read-
In' the caaulty lint in th' Coureer days
E-tats T'nis, though th' tears ar're In his
eyes.
" 'It's all right, mong view.
me that. It means 'ol' apoort'
right, mong view,' he says. We don't
want th' help Iv ye'er hands or ye'er
lips, but Iv that little pump In there,'
he says, tappln' me on th' chest.
"But Schwatsmelster Is different Nex
to ye'rsllf an' Hogsn he's about tV old
est friend I have in Ar-rchey road. I've
often voted fr him whin ha was out of
town. I've had as much eondeeension
f'r him as f'r anny man.lv me acquain
tance. He has always been thractablv'
pleasant, an' docile th' ldeel German In I
on Irish neighborhood. y i
"But nowadaya I don't car to say trie
!soul Is me own In his prlalnce. This
mornin' I dhropped in on him any ha
told me that th' Germans had madei
America what It Is an' that we were
reptiles f'r turnln on our benlfactora.
He said the kaiser wss th' gr-reatest
man In hlsthry. 'Did ye vote f r him?"
says I. 'Vote f'r him,' says he. He
was slnt frmnmmel. He said If it
hadn't been Fr a fellow named von
Stooben, George Wash'aton w-ad've been
licked an' 'twas Otn'ral Fra.ni Sigel that
won th' "civil war f r us.
"I was goinS to say somethtn' about
Phil Sheridan, but I noltced a wild glean
in his eye an' also, a bungstarter la tola
hand, an' I backed out Iv th dure.
"It looks to me, Hlnnlssy, as though W
trouble with th' Germans is that tbc7T
th'. worst liars tn th' wurruld. I mane be
that th' poorest liars. They aren't thurly -civilised
because they don't realise that
it's lytn' that makes th' wurruld go round.,
"Th' Fr-rinch ar-re ohahrmin liars ta
th' naytloaAl induathry tv maktn love.
We Americans ar-re alert, able, commer
cial liars. IndtvUoolr th' English do not
lie. They don't say much rr annythtng.
But their government Is magnificent in
this ancyeot art Whin they want to
grab a. counthry they say they're goln'
to do It In th' Inthrests lv civilisation.
But it Is conthry to internaytional law,"
cays some wan.
'Internaytional law ye'er grand aunt,'
fays th' British government. That is to
aay, it may be conthry to th' wurruds lv
internaytional law, but not to th' spirit
which is that we shud look out f r th'
intherests tv civilisation. We cannot let
ourselves be bothered be th' niceties iv
Joodycial dedayons whin civilization is
at stake.' An' they grab.
"But with th' Germans 'tis dlff'rent I
don't know why It la, but they can't lie.
They've had lots lv practice, but it does
thlm no good. Th' German government
has gone systematically to wurruk to im-I-rove
th' quality Iv its output. It has
conducted labrvsry experimlnts on an
extensive scale,
. "It has slnt Its young diplomats abroad
to England, Italy, America, Japan an'
Greece to study th' crsft. It has pro
Jooced, at times, an article that whin
thried on its own people seemed sucreaa
ful. But whin they attlmpt to use it In
Interna tional practice it always explodes
In tlioir -hands. .
"A German ran no more lie thin a
boilermaker cud mend a watchaprlng. It
Is far too dilicate a business fr thlm. Last
summer th' Germans said: 'We're goln' to'
march through BUJum, because It's th'
alalest way, an' It's none Iv annyboddy's
dam business snnyhow.' Thin all th' wur
ruld hollered 'Shame.' an' so Germany
bluahed an stammered an' save:.
' "Well, if ye must know, th' ralson we
attacked Biljum was because we had In
formation that feerocyous counthry was
sbout to climb Into us,' says they. "Whin
did ye get this information?' Th day
befuro ylsterdah, says the German gov-.
ernmint. Maybe they'll do betther after
this war."
"What la Internaytional law?"
"It Is this." said Mr. Dooley. shaking
his flat under the nose of his astonished
friend-
(To V Continued Tomorrow.)
Advice to Lovelorn
By Beatrice
Fairfax
re-
Talk Yewr rweaia.
Dear Mies Fairfax: I am a girl of
and In liAa wlthNe man of K, who. In
turn, is In love with me. I have a cousin
of 20 who Is also ia love wuh bun, auu
ahe aays If he doesn't marry her she II
end her life. My mother doesn't allow
me to ho out wllh him on account of my
coualu. though he never r-at.l any ettn-f
ttvn to her. IlfcLEN T a.
Have a serious talk with your couuln.
Tell her that you feel sure she will only
belittle her own dignity by continuing
her Infatuation for a man who does rot
care for her. Aak her tf ahe feels Justi
fied In making you and him unhappy tor
the sake of a love that cannot be ra.
since It has no basis.
Bhe la RUht.
Dear Miss Fairfax: The girl to whom
I air. enyea-ed liiaiats on going around
and keoHng company with a number of
girl friend., to whein I obtect strongly.
Tola catiae many argumenta. and no
matter what I aay she positively refuses
to give them ur.
Do you trlnk she Is acting properly,
or am I right? r . A.
Tou are acting in a very selfish man
ner. There Is no reason why your
fiancee should give up her girl friends.
Are you willing to have no more to do
with the men who are your friends? I
think not
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V