TIIE BEB: OMAHA. TUESDAY. .lANUAKV 12. Wilb.
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE
FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSKWATER.
VICTOR ROSEWATER. KDITOR.
The Pew Publishing Company, Proprietor.
IPFB BUILDING. FARN'AM AND SEVENTEENTH.
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Ssll and Pimdar fc5e ft mo
ln1ly without Sunday.. ..' 4 AO
?venlng and Sunday c 8 on
Kvenlng without Sunday ISc 4.00
Funday Bes only 30c Joi
hnl not ire of riiar.te or efldress or complaints or
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JDrpartment.
REMITTANCE.
Remit draft. express of postal order." Only two-t-ent
atampii received In peyment of. small ae
count Personal checks, except un Omaha and rasters
exchange, not accepted.
t ornrKS. . -
' Omaha The Be Building. ,
South Omaha 31 N street.
Council Bluffs 14 North Main street
Lincoln M Little Bulletins.
Chlrapro Ml Hearst Building
Jew York Room lins. Fifth tvonua
. Tt. Tuta--MB New Hank of Commerce.
Washington 736 Fourteenth Bt., N. XV.
CORRKSPONDENCB.
Address communications relating to naws and edi
torial natter to Omaha Bee, 7-dltorial Department.
DECEMBKIl CIRCULATION.-'' ;
54,211'
j - ... .
Stat of Nebraska. County ' or louglas, un.
- iwiht Williams, circulation manatter of The
Bee Publishing .company.' being 'duly eworn. aaya
that the average dully circulation for the month of
iJecember, 1914, wan M.itll.
DWIOHT WlLLlAMH. CVcUialfofi Wartngsr. '
Subscribed In my presence and a worn to before
me. tnia 2d day or .lanuary, IMS.
, . , . ROBERT HUNTER. Notary Public.
.' . ; -.
Subecribers leaving tbe Vity temporarily
ahonld have The Bee malWvl to tbetu. Ad
dress will be chanjjwl as often m requested.
Jaauary it
Thought for the Day
' StUetiJby Dr. J. H. VWe
. -
Frtm lUhrneit pretense me, Lord;
From'jehmt thought protect my day; ,
. lAgatntt tht ttrokt of envy's $mord
JJlp ftf to holil my way,
'I And grant my iolufficieM grac .
-' ' To gladden at atothir t prixs
"- And look'-vpon hit iager face
' ' BiH tympaVUHa eyit.
'. .'':"" '. ' "",'""'"?" flenrV Robinton Palmtr.
fcs
-J!
Be patient, . drill 'Next year will be leap
year. ,. . . -
The. "Big Muddy", holds out a standing invi
tation to navlgatd. ,'
' A i ahort ballof .pjovement for Commercial
club elections might help aome.
We're ' all tor1 peace, aubjecfto'a few dif
ference of opinion at to how best to get it. '
When th Hih for office gets thoroughly intoi
the eyatenj,'. there Js no getting away from the
scratch, v .-
T17-U l r. ji .
...... u . v . ...u. VU UIDlCft.ltl
a promise to be Content with one term, why not
President Wilson?
An extraordinary scarcity of lambs at vari
ous, etock exchanges is deplored by brokers. T,he
principle of "safety first" la taking root in unex
pected Quarters.
Preachment! on economy In state, county or
city affairs would take on an air of sincerity if
the preachers insisted on a dollar's worth of
work for every dollar spent.'
The celebration, of the anniversary of the
.battle of New Orleans in a few places illustrates
bow a magnificent achievement of American
arms may be submerged In the rubbish of party
politics. '
Our sympathy suitably expressed, should go
out to Cook county. Illinois. We too have been
nlnrlt.t Kv vniU. m..vi.. . m
- w buu.i. uu atav
.have a supply of mechanical junk tor which
buyers are not to be had.
The bantam scrappers of the Balkans assure
an anxious world that the war will come to a
sudden finish as soon as they get fairly Into it.
It is a question which to admire moat Balkan
pp or the cock-eureness of the press agent.
Some time ago President Wilson 'threw out
the thought that the road to re-election lay in
not thinking about it. And now notwithstand
ing that, be lets us know by talking second
term that he is thinking of it all the time.
On all roattenr of moment the British press
backs up the British government. The unan
imity of sentiment In support of the British
note proves the rule that there are. no press
knockers in Great Britain when the Interest of
the empire are involved, -
-) T
W4 A.M VtaJ
The mairias of .Waiter U. . Clark ant lm"
Wlnnla Vhllney took place In the fnlty church
oiomniaed by llev. V. E. Copeland. Mr. Clark la
employed in . the it, NatUmal bank, and wall
known In Omaha, society, while hla wife la th
dauffhetr of Mr. David. Whitney. ,
At the annua) meeting of the Hoard H 'Tr le
llatoned to an ertJreaa Xy K. II. Vakoner a retlHiu
preetdrnt. and heard the report of the eectary. I'res
MeiiUeloct Mas Meyer offlclta i chairman.
-- - Jraham P.. Browne. sroDlrter at iha ' Jirv viii-
.ttoeli farm, annomicra hla readlneea to deliver "ptira
Jeiaey milk every day at your cluur " ,'
a lM l i t ' ' V
. !" "m nave KvTn. uuieq j
the rotunda of the Fatten. aJUIn to the appeuiain'O
iice wxii aa me comiort or the t urate, i
A freah ruld av lias struck the tun w,it la
' mercury fcelow vro. . 4 ' ,
Mra. Mary McClnn, moilwr of Mrs. B.' C. SleHhane
and John C. and U. A". ll.-Ulnn. died yeaterday. In ter
aevrnty-thrd year. '.' i '.. 4 .
Mra. Lewla iliane vt Waahington la taklpt l'ie
. placo of Mr. O out E lUft-n at the locsl alrnal
effiua. , .... .. . 9 ') .:
3. C Riley and J T. IMIon are ilvipg- uollce of
tt.e flteaoliiikrn of the firm. In hl h they have dute
a. rrJ entile and loan buainea Under the nam of
J J K. JfJiiy A. Co. " ., .. . . . ' '.'
Ergland'i Reply.
Earl Grey's preliminary . note, In reply to
the recent representation from Pesldent Wilson
that the Bltlrh were pressing too closely their
oversight of the high seas, Is reassuring In Its
general tone. It la written in the spirit of the
most rigid adherence to the rules of the diplo
matic game, and will very well serve to "keeu
the ball In the air." In the meantime little
likelihood exists that the situation will become
acute.
The right of search; which affords the banls
for the exchange of notes. Is fundamental, and
Indisputable. Whether Great Britain has gone
too fsr In the matter of preventing the carrying
of supplies to its opponent in Europe hss not
as yet been determined. The figures quoted by
;Earl Grey, tending to show the sudden Increase
in commerce between the United States and the
neutral countries of Europe, , remain to be veri
fied. Even If admitted, they can only serve to
establish what might have, been expected, that
.Germany has undertaken to maintain commer-
clal relations with a friendly nation, and that
that effort has met with response.
The United States cannot undertake to guar
antee the strict neutrality of all cargoes afloat
'from American ports. It wss very nice in Presi
dent Wilson to suggest to shippers the desir
ability of making their manifestoes absolutely
accurate, that the consular endorsement might
serve as a passport to be recognised by a board
ing officer. The British Foreign ofMce, appar
ently knowing a thing or two, accepts thin evi
dence of good faith at its face value, but will
continue to make assurance ' doubly sure by
searching for contraband. And the vessel own
ers will not likely depart from the practice that
has come down from the days of the Phoeni
cians. 8o long as the profit In sight is attrac
tive, Just so long they will undertake the deliv
ery of contraband to the extent that they can
get away with It.
Cornering- the Coroner.
The Heedlessness of the coroner's office is
not observable -alone in Omaha, for down In
New York the commissioner of accounts has just
made a report to Mayor Mltchel, which is ex
pected to expedite the transit of the coroner's
Job to the political cemetery. Where New York
may be entitled to extra commiseration' lies In
the fact that It has eleven coroners, as against
our one. Epitomizing the report, the New York
World says:
Of the aoorea of reason augg-ested for the aboli
tion of the office. It should tie neceaaary to mention
only a few. The coroner Is usually Ignorant, and
frequently he Is corrupt. He and hla phyalclan
are product of the spoils syatem. In nearly one
half of hla findlnaa then la no evidence to support
the certificates of death that bear his signature. He
Is often in league with undertakers; ha has been
known to have relations with insurance companlea;
ha la not beyond the reach of private Interests; ha
has hla favorite doctors and nis perfectly trustworthy
Juries.
Now, we do not believe such an indictment
would stand against the coroners who have
served in Omaha and Douglas county, for they
h,eve been as good if not better than we would
have a right to expect to be produced by the
system In vogue. Of the numerous reasons
why the coroner's office should be abolished,
one should be sufficient it Is waste of the
taxpayers' good money to support an unneces
sary' Job.
,.. . :'" " -- i
, .Freedom for the Filipinos. v-
SecreUry Garrison's , statement before' the
committee of the senate may be fairly taken as
voicing the policy of the administration In deal
ing with the Philippines. As such, It shows the
democrats finally admitting that the Filipino Is
not yet ready for the responsibility of self-government.
Mr. Garrison, in apologizing for the
attitude of the administration, says the people
of the United States do not understand the
great problem, presened by the Philippine ques
tion. If this Is true, It Is in no small measure
due to the persistent misrepresentation by the
democrats of conditions in the Islands.
From 1868 until 1913 the democrats kept
up an unceasing and clamorous demand that the
United States withdraw at once from the islands.
This persistent cry was merely political clap
trap, and only had the effect of interfering
with and retarding efforts for the advancement
of the islanders. Responsibility has brought a
change ia the democratic tune, and political mal
contents in the Philippines no longer draw sus
taining comfort from the utterances of Mr. Bryan
and other democratic augurs. Willy nllly, the
dsmocata la power find themselves merely fol
lowing the footstepeof McKlnley, Roosevelt and
Taft In dealing wlthVhe Philippine problem.
. Promise of Fewer Bills.
Director Sheldon of the legislative reference
bureau gives It as his belief that fewer bills will
be Introduced at Lincoln this winter than In re
cent sessions of the legislature. This statement
has no apparent foundation, except In hope, but it
is along right lines. Too many bills are offered in
the legislature, as a rule, making It Impossi
ble for the law makers to analyse or understand
all. Out of thie has come the mass of half
digested and usually unworkable laws that have
encumbered the statute books .without accom
plishing anything of real good. If the present
seesion of the legislature will confine its op
erations to the passage of a few bills that may
be offered to improve existing laws, the result
of experience and not experiments, it, will
achieve ita mission and win the approval of the
citizens of Nebraska.
When U. S. Imported Arms
Bostoa Transcript.
Piping Oil from Wyoming.
Again we hear, of a pipe line from ' the
Wyoming oil fields to connect with the Missouri
river at Omaha. Whether the project has more
substantial support than In the past can not be
ald Just now. but the question of its feasibility
was long ago affirmatively determined. Its de
sirability is equally well established. The ad
vantages of such a line to Omaha are so ap
parent at to need little comment. Omaha la
very well located, too. as a point for refining
the ell now flowing la Wyoming. The pipe line
on" the 'river-bed grade means' that the cost of
.transportation from the fields to the refinery
would be put at a minimum, while tbe extensive
and steadily expanding market for oil and the
products of oil, contiguous to Omaha, means a
stable demand for the output of the refinery.
The project for a pipe line from the Casper
region to deliver oil at Omaha tor refining, has
long been mooted! now is a very good time to
press for action along this Una.
Our .'dlbtrlct Judges may feel duly rebuked,
but Considering the source, will not get sore.
That Germany should discountenance the a1Utlon
of certain Oermaa-Amerlcana. assisted by the Ancient
Order of Hibernians, to secure the prohlbtlon of ex
portation of military supplies from the United State.',
Is perfectly natural. Germany finds It difficult to
draw supplies for strictly military use from thla coun
try now, sine access to German porta la very cir
cuitous and liable to all kinds of Interruption. If the
fortunes of war should favor Germany to the extent
of rendering transit from this country reasonably
easy, doubtless Gerjnany would become a large pur
chaser of alt kinds of articles required for Its army
and navy. At all eventa, it would be likely to turn
to our manufacturers as those best situated to make
good deficiencies In Ita stores occasioned by the war
and beyond the capacity of Ita own people to provide
under-existing conditions. Doimany Is only provident
in dissociating Itself with . those perfervld Oerman
A merle ns who want to cut off all military shipments
from the United PtaUs, and the politicians who under
the gule of eympsthy are playing- for the "German
vote."
Should Germany or any other belligerent want a
precedent for seeking arms or supplies In our market
It could be found In our own history. The United
States was a large importer of arms and ammunition
from Franc, and Holland, during the revolution, be
fore those countries became our alllea. In the civil
war both the union and the confederacy purchased
arms, ammunition and supplies abroad. The war
found both 111 provided with arms, though Floyd's
treacherous precautions had given the confederacy a
much more liberal supply than was available to the
loyal states. As the federal government was short
of money, wealthy stales like Massachusetts and Nev.
York did not wait for Its action, but sent their agents
abroad early to purchase arms and equipment. Mas
sachusetts was among tho first In the foreign arms
markets, for the order authorising Governor Andrew
to send an ngont to Europe for thla purpose passed
the executive council on April Z0, inm. Mr. Francis
B. Crownlnshleld waa appointed the agent of the Com
monwealth and arrived In London on May , equipped
with a letter of credit for IZiO.OW (ir&v.OOO). He was
hone too soon-, for h found himself In Immediate
competition with a representative of South Carolina
who was acting In behalf of the confederates. An agent
for New York had also, unknown to Mr. CrowiMnahlel.l.
crossed on the same steamer. Nevertheless, despite
competition and obstruction, he succeeded In speedily
buying and contracting for 19,380 Enfield rifles and
10.o sets of equipments. These were promptly
shipped to Massachusetts, .(those troops were dis
tinguished for the excellence of their arms. We wera
mora fortunate than New Tork, whose agent was
compelled to buy 5.009 second-hand rlflea. used In the
Crimean war. In the early stages of tho war there
waa a great and embarrassing diversity of arms In
the union army. There were Belgian and Austrian
muskets, Enfield and Springfield rlflea, besides many
experimental weapons adopted for trial.
Tha experience of Massachusetts In quest of arms
In Europe did not end with our purchase of Erifleld
rifles, for at one stage of rho war It waa looking for
cannon to mount on tha fanglesa forts of Boston har
bor. These never arrived, though contracted for. the
progress of the war and the Increased facilities of
the government rendering their Importation by tho
state unnecessary. Ultimately some of tho big runs
contracted for by Massachusetts In England went to
Chile, where they did good service in repelling the
Spanish fleet's attack on Valparaiso. In the course
of its quest for cannon Massachusetts aought to be
cone a customer of Krupp, whose name waa fre
quently misprinted Knapp In contemporary accounts,
but his gigantic establishment's output was sold so
far in advance that he could not take our order.
Kennedy's; Dream Book
( Doped la the Wester fcafcerea, .
AT THE last meeting " of Omaha. Typographical
union Andrew McCormlck reported to. the union
that he had a conference with Governor Morehead In
connection with tha state . printing plant bill. The
governor f rxpreeet atron- Interest In proposed;
law nd 'ould mentlo It In iila message to the leg
islature and he made good on hla promise thla week.
In his message he recommends that a state printing
plant be established in the penitentiary. r
Victor Roaewater has opened a column of "Views.
Reviews and Interviews" in The Bee that he will
cover himself, and put Into It auch things as the fancy
Strikes him. It will be a popular column, because his
friends will enjoy getting a personal message from
him, and his enemies will read It Just to see what
the son-of-a-gun has to aay.
The republican state centra,! committee waa Jl.SOO
in debt when the campaign closed. The Douglaa
county committee had 700 left over when it finished.
How would It do to use that 1700 to help, pay the
state committee's debtT
Within the Isat three weeks Omaha has filled un
with a choice cellection of panhandlers who chooso
corners to work the same aa newshoys; others work
office buildings. They are not unemployed Omaha
men, but an Impudent bunch of trained whlnera who
came Into Omaha to get -easy money. Tho young
fakir who has wished Seventeenth and Fanaam streets
on himself aa "hla corner" la an art la t. On "cov
ered" the Barker block from office to office last week
wearing 20 overcoat. good, new suit of clothes,
overshoes, etc. I thought ha was railroad maa who
came up Into tha building to aee.the dentists. He
was a panhandler from Sioux City or said ha was.
"When they are told to report to tha wood yard for
stake they freese up.
Jim Wootart. it ta announced, will cover the political
field for The Bee during the campaign for city com
mtsslontrshlp. That his department wilt be Interest
Ing goes without saying, aa he Is gifted writer.
pleasant gentleman and knows the game.
"Unemployed Toilera Want Work-To Hell with the
Soup Houses," Is a black line across the head of
Charley Fear's Missouri Trades Unionist, and to It la
pointed the familiar red flat "marked copy." I tun
lo doubt aa to Just what Charley Is trying to con
vey. Doea he want me to furnish the unemployed
with work? Is he speaking with authority when he
consigns the soup houses to hell? qernand a ref
erendum vote of the unemployed on the question,
"Shall the soup houses be consigned to hell?"
People and Events
A Brooklyn savings bank, whtcn holds seat la
the "Don't Worry club." reports surplue of tis.eoeos,
a gain of S1.ooa.Oao la. a year. The head of tha Institu
tion U a HaJrd. He Is.
Cheer up! Three American astrologers, after sign
ing up their charts, break into print with yards of
gloomy predictions for 19tS. Predictions of soothsayers,
like Sreama, go by contraries; '-'
Wlilt New York Is striving to break up the am
bulance rhttrera' trust. I'arls plana to decorate Ita
courts with tablets In memory of forty lawyers whj
.have already fallen on the firing line pf war.
One by one the signposts of the eld daya vanish
from the scenery. Roller towels have been banished
from New York, tlager bowls are tabooed In Indiana
and the public penholder, classed as an unclean
thing. Is outlawed In Kjnasa. Next!
Colonel Roosevelt catapults Into the Ananlaa club
one Major Helrher, Britisher from Australia, who
stopped at Oayter Bay, talked with tha colonel and
tuld about the biter view 1 a London paper.' To
colonel' admits that Ul major called. I all other
respect the London atory la myth.
Oae of the' few remaining 'tuers of California.
Juaa Melartn, died last Saturday la Saa Francisco at
tha aa of so. A Peruvian by birth. Malaria landed In
San ' Francisco at the beginning of the gold r ieli,
bringing considerable capital with him. which he In
vested wisely and tcma a millionaire. Miner,
banker, railroad and street railway builder by turns,
hla chief investments were In la ad a, of which he
owned one patch of SOOOno acres In Santa Clara a ad
Merced counties.
Qaeatlaaa a .ft.-, w-
OMAHA. Jan. 11. To thu Vrfiir.. TV,.
Bee: Is there aot enouah oa n.nni. in
power In this world to stop the awful
auBruer I innocent vlctlma by ma
chinery and other Inrernai devices? I
hardly think the rulers are altogether to
blame for the war or any recently. It
Is their advisers. They are aupposed to
have brains, let them use them for peace,
and not war,
la war a necessary evil? There Is a
terrible lot of money spent on It that
could do great good Instead of caus
ing so much misery. Will the men have
to refuse to go to war and murder and
kill their fellow men? In the name of
Christianity how can any nation call
their men out for auch black deeds? Is
is God a work, or the devil's, or what
honor Is there In killing and stealing?
Ho they call that eervtnb their country?
God help to open the eyes of such cbun
tries that call themselves Christians. Is
It possible that there could be graft back
of It all? If there la It Is a terrible price
to-pay for human life. People should put
a atop to It. j; y B
Learned Lesson.
COLORADO SPRINGS. Colo., Jan. .
To tho Editor of The Bee: Very much
hps been said In eastern papers reflecting
upon Colorado, but as time goes on It be
comes more and more clear that the ma
jority of the articles have been mislead
ing and one-sided. Nothing could be a
greater Indication of thla than the result
of the recent election. In which there was
a very distinct contest between elements
'that have made for lawlessness and those
that have aided In the protection of the
real laboring people. The calling off of
the strike haa brought much satisfaction
to practically every employe who cares
for his own Interests and also to those In
terested In the business life and Integrity
Of this region.
It la a very subtle and critical contest
which hss taken place, with variety of
motives behind It. Some politicians have
attempted to use It for selfish purposes.
A comparatively few labor leaders hav
sought to engineer It for ends really not
for the best good of organized labor.
Probably lessons have been learned for
all aides.
Colorado at heart Is a fine state with
largely a native American population
deeply Interested In the creation of the
best types of citizenship. Few states have
as good a public school system, and It Is
exceedingly fortunate that the state has
not been Injured by a multiplicity of small
colleges. One Institution like Colorado
College, the first founded In this whole
region, has done more to lay permanent
foundations than most of the colleges of
Its type In the country. The atate Institu
tions are rendering valuable service and
the atate university has recently called to
Its head a man of leadership in scientific,
and educational work.
While business has been much depressed
by strike conditions and of late by war
In Europe, yet the atate ha valuable un
developed resources In agriculture as well
aa in mining, and distinctly better days
sre ahead. COLORADO.
' ' Uake Heaven oa F.artk. '
OMAHA, Jan. 11. To the Editor of The
Bee: The coming of Billy Sunday Into
our midst is surely receiving more than
Its share of free advertising through the
letters written to the daily papers, for
and against this ' method : changing the
morals of man. Billy Sunday la the
greatest hypnotist that ever lived and his
proper place Is In Europe on tha firing
line hynottzlng those bloody murderers
of men. Those of us that believe In In
ternational peace that could afford it
ought to contract with him to settle this
useless war, and ha could do It, believe
me. If he would use the same taotlcs
that be uacs In the so-called conversion
of souls.
Some people term his form of conver
sion as emotional Christianity, but I call
It emotional Insanity. Billy Sunday Is
a legitimate grafter playing upon the
fears of tha people on an Imaginary pun
ishment at some place commonly called
hell after death. If auch a place doea
exist Billy will receive hla full meaaure
for commercialising souls at so much
per soul. Tha money spent on such foolr
Is linens should be spent in educating tha
people on - how to abolish poverty and
hell on earth Instead of the hereafter.
JES3B T. BRILLHART.
ttlt Farnam street
Esslaeer Takes leave with Governor
NORTH LOUP. Neb., Jan. 11. To the
Editor of the Bee: In reading Governor
Morehead's recent meaa&ge to the legis
lature we notice that he advises to mem
orialise congress for assistance to make
surveys of our rivers, saying also that
the army haa the most able corps of en
gineers In the world, . with roses to
Goethola. He puts up the came old
alogan we have heard . for yearsthat
water power will cost millions. Will the
governor kindly name a few of the great
army engineers? Haa the fact ever ap
pealed to the people than an army of
army engineers laid the" canal through
what la now known as the slides of Cul
ebr cut, and which la proving a vast
engineering mtstako? That mistake will
probably cost one-half the total expense
et the canal, with many year of trouble.
When you see a statement from Panama
about It, Just put a question mark along
with it. The mistake la there, and it
will cost $100,000,000.
. Were Eads, Corliss and Diesel array en
gineers?' Haws the army engineers solved
the problem of the lower Mississippi? A
lok at 'some of the power franchises given
out at Washington should convince any
aane person of the Incompetency of the
present administration in dealing with
the aublect. Army engineers have no
monopoly on knowledge. Men of genius
are a class of men not much known to
the public, except by some work of in
vention such . aa the - Eads bridge, tha
Corliss engine or wireless telegraphy.
Very frequently that class of men are
unknown In their generation. A man
need not be a newspaiwr hobby to be
genius. He la placed at a better ad
vantage If not too popular.
The Idea of placing Nebraska rivers
under federal authority means great de
lay, because they will do nothing except
delay Improvement We will become
Standard Oil laughing stock In Washing
ton cloak rooms. I will place before a
legislative committee which supports pub
lic ownership, a set of mechanical de
algns. against any ma the governor can
produce. And my engineering experience
la not extensive. The whole suggestion
has the appearance of delay.' llow doss
It look to advertise In broad headlines:
"Nebraska Has No Brains; We Want
ta Buy Rome?"
Why did not Omaha call for an amy
of am y engineers to build the water
works? Why are they now asking for
the opportunity to spend several millions
on electric Jlghtlng? Why not memor
ialise congreos? This engineer had tins
chance to own half Interest In an Im
proved power plant If he would keep
still. If tho legislature will appropriate
I ion. pun and appoint tha writer to make
the examination, in twelve months the
people may know what Improvements to
the extent of 60.000 horsepower should
cost. Any engineer who shows genius
may get into the employ of the Wall
street Interests, but he must wear the
brass collar. Most of them wear the
brass collar; not because they are bad
men, but because they want employment.
Public ownership should be kept in the
hands of Its friends.
WALTER JOHNSON.
GRINS AND GROANS.
V
"Hello. Dotty! What are you doing
thee days?"
"Same old thing."
"Are you really? I thought he went
abroad." Judge.
Mrs.- Bacon And when your husband
gets angry, does he tear hla hair?
Mr. Kgbert Oh. no; he's afraid to.
It's not his you know. Yonkers States
man. The Mother I see a trnsular tray to
hold piece of Tie unharmed in a lunch
box has been Invented.
The Hoy Hut who would harm such a
little piece of pie as you cut, mamma?
Yonkers Statesman.
Chump Were you ever at an after
noon tea?
nrurop No, but once I was In a place
where alxtfen phonographs played simul
taneously. Harvard Lampoon.
The Ghost I could a tale unfold to yo
whose slightest word would make each
particular hair stand on end.
Hamlet Useless labor, old chap; my
hair's naturally pompadour. Philadelphia
Ledger.
Little Archie was told to put down a
ehsrp knife he was playing with but did
not dr so. When he cut his flnser. he r.ui
to his mother, win- said: "There; Nw
don't come to me for symnathy."
"I don't want sympathy," said Arrhic:
"I want, a rasr " Koatnn Transcript.
SINGULAR THINGS IN PLURALS.
Springfield (Mass.) Republican.
We'll begin with a box, and the plural Is
boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not
oxea.
Then one fowl Is goose', but two are called
geese;
Tet the plural of moose shsould never be
meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole
lot of mice;
But the plural of house Is houses, not
hice.
If tha plural of man la always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called
pen?
The cow In the plural may be cows or
klne.
But a bow. If repeated, ta never called
bine,
And the plural of vow is vows, not vine:
And If I speak of a foot, and you show
me your feet.
And 1 give you a boot, would pair be
called beet?
If one Is a tooth and a whole get are
teeth.
Why shouldn't tbe "lural of booth be
called lxeth.
If the singular's this and the plural is
these.
Should the plural of kiss be nicknamed
Then one may be that, end three would
.be those.
Yet bat In the plural would never be ho.e.
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of breth
ren; But though we say mothers, wo never
say methren.
The macullne pronouns arc he, his and
him;
But Imagine the feminine she, ahls and
shim,
fo the English, 1 think you nil will aproe.
Is the most wonderful language you ever
did aee.
assa? i 1 ''w
a a: HE. tt-t j
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