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W Goodrich. f Mr. Goodwin first met. f
Vx ' 1 I her at a dinner party No. 2. XV y V ; Vx
7
T
Here, at Last, Is the Comedian's Own Explanation
of the Riddle "Why Do Beautiful
Women Marry
Nat
Goodwin?"
Book." Cop.vrihtl tnd
Publiahcd br Bichud
other
thought
Having
flrmatlTe
divorce
I might
done all the at ,
wqrk In twt
actions, 1
as well take
S more than thirty
rears of my life have
been devoted to matri
mony: naturally my autobio
graphy demands mention of the wo.
men who have born my name.
"I have been censured somtlmes
harshly for my versatility In the se
lection of wives, and many have mar
velled at my fortunate (or unfor
tunate) selections. I have always
been long on the market of home and
wives." '
Having quoted these two para
graphs from the preface, it seems
superfluous to mention that the auto
biography in question is by Nat Good
win, long celebrated throughout the
length and breadth of two continents
as the most thoroughly experienced
matrimonial expert dwelling on
Christian soil.
Appropriately the book is called
"Nat Goodwin's Book," and it's just
out Aside from its picturesque de
scriptions of matrimonial adventures,
it is, perhaps, what its publishers de
clare' it to be: "An Intimate and
permanent history of the American
stage for the past forty years, by
the greatest livlug actor, and the
most remarkable autobiography ever
written." -
However that may be, there's no
use attempting to overlook the matri
monial chapters. Especially when one
finds the five wires of the author
frankly catalogued thus after the fa
abtos of the charade in the puzzle
books:
"My first (wife) was an angeL
"My second a silly woman.
"My third a Roman Senator.'
'"My fourth a pretty little thing.
"My fifth all woman.
"My whole (desire) was by repetl
,Uon to prove that hope can conquer
experience."
The chapter headed "Number Five"
Is the shortest in the book Just fif
teen lines. It Is a masterpiece of
discretion, as thoujta offering "hope"
very opportunity to give the lie to
"experience." It Is only a year or so
since Goodwin married "Number
Five." I vm be remembered that
ibe was the leading lady of his com
any touring the Pacific coast cities,
ind that she nursed him back to
jealth after he was severely injured
while boating in a chivalrous, but
reckless, attempt to Bend his boat
through the surf to do her a small
favor. Besides the wives' catalogue
. above quoted the chapter contains
Jufct this:
"The day (a beautiful day In .may,
1913, such a day as only Southern
California at its happiest moment
knows), I made Margaret Moreland
my wife I once again Bet the buszards
and the gossips to wagging their ears
and tongues and lashing their tails
I have always been sure both HAVE
tails)."
In referring to EHxa Weathersby
(No. 1) as an "angel." Mr. Goodwin
corroborates the opinion consistently
held In the world of the stage for a
qusrter of a century and more. She
came to this country with Lydla
Thompson' company of burlesquers.
She was one of the most famous
beauties of the burlesque stage. In
1S76 she became a member of E. E.
Rice's "Evangeline" company, in
which Goodwin had a small part At
the close of the season they were
married. . Of Eliza "Weathersby the
autobiography says in part:
"I was only a stripling when I mar
ried this beautiful creature. More
over, I was unreliable, and, I con
fess, unapprcclattve of what the fates
had been so kind as to bestow upon
me. Many have accused me of 'wan
ton neglect. I may have neglected
her, but only for the companionship
of men. She never complained, and
daring the ten years of our happy
married life there was never one dis
cordant note.
. "She was ten years my senior, and
treated me more like a' son than a
husband, but, like the truant boy who
runs away from school now and then,
I was always glad to return and
seek the forgiveness that an Indul
gent mother always gives a wayward
child. .,. . A loving sinter, a duti
ful daughter, a loving wife, she is
resting in Woodlawn, and the daisies
grow over her grave."
No. 2, as everybody knows, was
Mrs. Nella Baker Pease. Mr. Good
win writes that she was the "wife of
a dilettante living in Buffalo, She
was the best amateur piano player to
whom I have ever listened." Here is
where Nat gets busy with his uu
trammeled pen. Mrs. Pease was a
great applauder in the theatre where
he played. They were Introduced
and became "steadfast friends." He
met the members of her family.
"Her sister was charming. I wish
I could say the same of the rest of
her family. The brother must have
emanated from the same pod in
which the husband, Tease, was con
ceived, or on some coral reef where
sponges predominate. He proved a
most absorbing person.
"I invited him. once to spend a few
days with us in New York. He wired
that he was coming for 'a cup of tea,'
and stopped for two years."
Well, the whole Pease family
wanted Mrs. Pease to be educated for
the stage. She wouldn't he happy
till It happened. Mr. Goodwin's
mother was so sympathetic that she
invited Mrs. Pese "to spend few
days at our Boston home."
"Mrs. Pease was also fond of tea.
..Bbe accepted the Invitation, and re
mained for aeveral months. In fact,
during her visit to my mother's house
I had resumed my tour on the road
and even made a trip to Europe."
While Goodwin was trying to get
Steele Mackaye to teach Mrs. Pease
how to act so the wouldn't be un
happy any more, ber husband sud
denly charged film with alienating
his wife's affections. "This dropped
like a bombshell into our little circle,
as nothing was further from my
thoughts than marriage. She took it
as a joke, saying:
" 'What a splendid release from the
little incubus.'
" 'It's very simple,' said she. 'Go
to Buffalo, buy him off, come back to
Boston and marry me.'
"After that what could a true-born
American do?" ,
This was the "silly woman" of the
wives' catalogue. Of this marriage
Nat C. Goodwin 3d. came into the
world. "Up to that time we were
happy. . . . And then she became
Insanely jealous of our darling boy,
and It Is here that I drop the curtain
upon our lives."
It was a legal separation, and it
cleared the way for No. S, the "Roman
Senator" of the cata
logue, Maxlne Elliott.
Mr. Goodwin first met.
her at a dinner party
In San Francisco on
the eve of his departure
to tour Australia In
"An American Citizen,"
"At Mr. Frawley'a left sat the
stately, majestic, Juno-lllte Maxlne
Elliott, one of the . most beautiful
women whom I had ever seen, her
raven black hair and eyea In delight
ful contrast to the red hues that
formed an aureole, as It were, above
her head. ...
"My leading lady at' this time waa
Miss Blanche Walsh, who was en
gaged only for the Australian tour.
While contemplating the fair Maxlne
the evening of the dinner It suddenly
struck me what a fine leading woman
she would be' for an organization.
Everybody told me she was an ex
tremely poor actress, but I made np
my mind to find oat for myself."
It Is interesting now, some eighteen
years later to read what Mr. Good
win's manager, McClellan, said when
he spoke of engaging Miss Elliott:
'"Why, you're craxy!' he shouted.
'She's beautiful to look at, but she
. can't act; she .hasn't the emotion of.
an oyster! Blanche Bates is playing
rings around her in Frawley's com
pany! Get Bates, if yon can, but pais
up Elliott! Read what the San Fran
cisco papers say about her! Go te
sleep, and in the morning I'll try to
engage Blanche Bates for you '
"1 only wish I bad followed his ad
vice, but fate was peeping over my
ramparts. And he caused me to pass
a very restless night"
Goodwin had to take Sister Ger
trude with Maxlne. He signed tbem
for. the Australian tour to bis man.
agcr's supreme disgust. And right
there in the progress of hla auto
biography he is moved to philosophize
thus:
"Had I not made those two engage
ments the pages of history would
have been greatly changed. Had the
little Kentucky family held au.of
there would have been no Maxlne
Elliott Theatre in New York; Forbes
Robertson would never have met the
sweet Gertrude; the latter would
never have been launched aa a atar;
Maxine would not uow be a retired
actress, rich and famous i Clyde
Fitch's career would have been post
poned, and the avenues of my poor
life would have been broader and
less clogged with weeds." "
There's a whole story by Itself in
that catalogue expression, "My third
a Roman Senator," up to the day of
the divorce that cleared the tracks
for No. 4. Mr. Goodwin gives her
this final paragraph: ,
"Maxlne Elliott is a variously .
gifted woman. With the ambition of
a Cleopatra she used me as a ladder
. to reach her goal, and found her
crowning glory In the blinding glare
of a myriad of Incandescent lights
which spell her name over the portals
of a New York theatre. She is one
of the cleverest women I ever met
Her dignity is that of a Joan of Arc,
her demeanor Nerolike in its as
sertive quality.'and yet she has chan
nels of emotion tuat manifest woman
hood In the truest sen mo of the word.''
"My fourth, a pretty little thing"
Edna Goodrich. The end of that
chapter is this piece of advice:
"if a man steal your wife, don't
kill him caution him."
The heading of that chapter Is:
"The Five Fatal Fish Cak'es and Num-'
ber Four." There Is a brief resume:
"As I have shown, my second and
third wjves wer thrust upon me by
circumstances. Being hnman, I al
lowed my bark of Irresponsibility to
sal) tranquilly into the harbor of
intrigue.
No. 1
Eliza
Weathersby
"If these two marriages were er
rors, my fourth venture luto matri
mony was a catastrophe. I fled from
a Cleopatra to meet a Borgia. And a
dish of fish cskes proved my un
doing." While ha was thus refreshing him
self in n popular resort he was ap
proached by an ex prlze fighter, who
told him the saa tale of the stranding
of a radiantly beautiful star. "By
the time I hud reached tip fifth fisH
cake my blood was fairly boiling, and
the whole universe seemed to me to
be calling aloud for a man to step
forward and right he wrongs the
young and handsome atar had suf.
fered.
"Arrived at our destination we
were first, and speedily, ushered into
the presence of the mother, of our
heroine In distress. She was a mid
dle aged woman of the modern, alert
type, who enjoyed clgarettea when her
dear daughter was not in evi
dence. . . .
"Then Came radiantly the daughter.
She was submerged la sables. Re
splendent jewels covered her.
"I was forty-seven years old. Per
haps, gentle reader, you know how
suMceptlble are we clever men at that
time of life, bow tranquilly we sit
back on tbe custiioni of our
thoughts snd sny to ourselves we
are proof against, tbe blandishments
of women" .
Well, it began with fiah cakes,
progressed to marriage, and ended,
as everybody knows, in a legal scpa-.
ration that left "Nat Goodwin con
siderably poorer, although a vastly
wler man.
Some of the later details, as told
in the book, are interesting.
"That she had instituted the pro
ceedings didn't bother me at all.
Why We Need More
U
M
NLESS something is done very soon to increase
tbe supply of mussels, tbe little fresh-water
bivalves which used to abound In all the rivers
and streama tributary to the Mississippi, we shall be
forced to devise some new method of keeping our
clothes on our bodies.
Formerly the buttons on the underwear and other
white garments worn by both men and women were
made of china and porcelain. A few years ago, bow
ever, the mother-of-pearl found in the shells of mussels
displaced almost everything else as a materia! for
buttons. It Is far stouter and more durable, as well as
mora attractive la appearance, and Is so Inexpensive
that button made from It can be used on the cheapest
as well as the better grades of garmen.
The discovery of this use for mussel shells led to the
establishment of an en6rmous Industry numbering many
ussels to Keep Our Clothes On
j
large plants and employing thousands of men. It has
been supplying good buttons at a low price not only
to the whole United States, but to most of the world.
abort time ago the alarming discovery was made
that the mussel )ed were giving out The shellfish
were not reproducing themselves as they should. The
Xederal Government stepped in and established llml
, tations to tbe dredging of mussels In certain streams.
Still the supply continued to diminish In spit of tbe
known wonderful fertility of the parent mussels. So
a mora careful scientific study was mad by biological
experts employed by the Government, and some curious
facts about the life history of the mussel were disclosed.'
The diminution In tha supply of pearl-button materUI.
it was discovered, waa due not to tha taking out of
mussels, but to the destruction of fish .in the rivers.
It was learned that in Its early stages of development
Coovrlaht Uli. bv the Star C9mii Great Britain KUUi Reservsd.
tbe fresh-water musuel ts a parasite, Its existence de
pending largely upon its ability to fasten Itself to the
gills or fins of a fish. Certain kinds of the mollusks
attach themselves to only a particular kind of flsow Th
"nlggerhead" mussel, for Instance, one of tbe most
prolific and valuable varieties, Is parasitic to river
herring almost exclusively, arid the partial extermina
tion of this fish has had a material effect upon th
natural reproduction of mussels.
With this and similar information aa a guide, th
Government has now established a research laboratory
a few miles from Muscatine, la., and has gone Into the
business of mussel farming In order to try to conserve
our aupply of material for buttons.
Several field parties from the sew laboratory are
constantly employed in this work of accelerating tbe
processes of nature and conserving probably billions
of baby mussels.
It easy this time, and let her do
the work. But I had forgotten all
about a certain deed of trust ) hao
made In Paris some time before. 4
, "During my mining activities I
foresaw the calamity that was In
evitable, and acting on th advice
of an Incompetent, attorney I fool
ishly entered into a trust agreement
with my wife under th terms of
which I placed all my property in
the hands of a trustee. In avoiding
a possible loss 1 ran headfirst Into a
sur steal!
. "As soon as I had been served In
the divorce action I began suit on
1 my own account to cancel this trust
agreement It had always teen a
nuisance, even In th days when;
wife and fond mama were at their .
lovlny-eet! Now it was Imperative
that I be allowed to handle my own
property alone. The settlement of
that action was a long, drawn-out
affair as compared with the divorce
action. During the leveral months
before my wife finally won (?) her
case the newspapers were filled
dally with sensational articles about
my affairs with women 1 had sever
even seen! It seemed to me as If
th gentlemen of tbe press just pub
lished any and every photograph of
a pretty; woman they could' find and
named ber as one of the unfortunate
objects of my attentions. In spite
of thla my wife's able counsel had
been able to present no facta to the
Referee that could justify bins In
recommending a decree In her favor
up to the Tuesday before the Sat
urday on which he was to render hla
decision.
' "It never dawned on me that this
waa the case until my "dear old
friend, Jim KllldutT. who had been
following the auit more closely than
I had came to me that Tuesday
night and congratulated me! 'You're
winning so easily, it's a laugh." he
exclaimed. "Winning?" I echoed
feebly. "Do you mean she Isn't go
ing to get ber divorce?" "She hasn't
a chance on earth," replied Jim
Cleefully. "Every charge she has
made against you haa been stricken
from tho Referee's record." "Gool
Iord," I gasped, "she's got to win!
It's the only way I can ever get this
trust agreement busted!"
"The result of our conversation I
can not set forth in detail. The fact
remains, however, that befoce that
next Saturday the Referee had pre
sented to him the evidence neces
sary to make his course of duty
plain and once again the news
papers bad grounds (?) for pro
claiming me a disciple of Solomon!
"Between you end me, gentle,
reader, Justice must have had to
tighten that bandage about her eyes
when she learned of the decree!
She surely must have loosened it
laughing!
"I can 8ay. however, that It Is a
most expensive luxury being di
vorced! It's much cheaper to use
the active voice of that verb!"
But, fortuuitely, as already noted,
he became free to wed No. S, who li
"all woman."