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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 21, 1914)
12 THK'KKE: OMAHA, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 1014. L . J J THE -OMAHA DAILY DEE ' FOtTNDED BT EDWARD RQ5KWATKR. VICTOR ROSEWATER, EDITOR. Tire Bee Publishing Company. Proprietor. BKB BUILDING. FARNAM AND SEVENTEENTH. Kntered at Omaha postofflc aa second-claa matter. TEItMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. By carrier By mall per month. pr f. im? M rindv: i.ase ffi n I'slly without Punflajr....' 4 00 fN-enlng and Sunday " Evening without Sunday Ito. 4.00 Sunday Be only t-0 Send nottr of char., of address or coir.plalnte of Irrrs-uianty la delivery to Omaha Be. . Circulation Department. REMITTANCE. Remit rv draft, jreas or postal order. Oily twa ent (limn received In payment of mall ee coiints. Persons! checks, except on Omaha and east eachan'se. not accepted. ornrES. : Omaha Tha Bee Bulldtn- 'x I South Omaha ail N street. . i founrll muffs M North Main street. : Lincoln Little Rulldln. f'hk-airo 01 Hart BuCdlnr. New York Room U. Fifth avanua. I St Ixmla-M Nf Hank of Commerce. ' Waahlnitton i3B Fourteenth St.. N. W. CORRESPONDENCE. AeMresa communication retatlne; to new and edi torial matter to Omaha Bee. Tutorial Department. I OCTOBER CIRCTLATION. : i 55,104 Btata nf Nebraska, County of Douglas, aa. ' - Dwljcht Williams, circulation manager of The Be Publishing onmrany, belna; duly sworn, say that the average daily circulation for th month of October, 1314, waa . DWIGHT WIlt-IAMS, Circulation Manacer. i Subscribed In my preaanra and aworn to before me. thla Hh dsjr of Novm?w, IftM. j nuBi.ni jitiiE.is notary t uoiio. 'Subscriber leaving thm city temporarily tumid bar The lie mailed to tbem. Ad dxeaa will be) changed aa of tea aa reqneeted. I Culture that klllsMs not tha kind that charms. ' Tteinember tbat charity begins at home, but It does not end there. i Possibly the Tennessee's launch simply went In. to get a few Smyrnaflgs, ' J . .j No wonder the south la strong for the pork barrel. It always liked Its bacon.' T..4 ..J Til. i In filing the land qnesMon aa the root Cause of the revolution and declaring that war will not cesse ur til the workers are permitted to own farm. John Llnd but voices the Tlew of many atudenta of Mexico. It took the Mexican people a ong while to awake to their oppression and rights. Whatever may be said of the short comings of Madero, he displayed the icsl of patriotism In his basic claim of agrarian righte for the manses and the demand tbat land monopoly cease. Mexlco'a recent history la but a counterpart of that of every country dominated by the feudal system. Rome's greatness dated rom the distribution of land amon the middle lasses under the new agrarian laws. At the bottom of all of Ireland's trouble Is the same blight of bigoted landlordism. The superb and .4 II surpassing greatness or our own country ira chiefly In the fact of Uncle Barn's being rich enough to give a fsrm to every man who would, work It. " Land and liberty have alwaya gone together n the progress of the state. And until they are yoked one to the other In Mexico, Mexico Heed, not expect more than merely desultory cessation of war. It cannot reverse or reject the laws of natural progress. Land aristocracy never, has an never will develop1 country.' If It could not under the more favorable conditions of ancient or medieval civilization, it certainly cannot hope to do so today. So long, therefore, as the Mexi cans msy properly be described ss "a homeless nation," to use the' words of Mr. Llnd, peace and order are' Impossible, for human nature Is not undergoing any fundamental changes. This leader and that, this provisional president and that, may come and go and all sorts of theories may be assigned for the trouble In Mexico, but until this one primal cause la done away with, until the people are freed from the bondage of feudalism and permitted, as other civilized races are, to enjoy their commonest of all rights, next to the right to life, let us not delude ourselves by believing that Mexico la or can be at peace. i ; "Now watch milady - put on cotten petti coats," remarks an exchange. Rubber! i i Those pink oysters will complete the Aurora Borealla of Jlmhamlewla and bis pink 'uns. i All story-telling movies have the same cli max she always lands safely In his arms. A book by Uncle Joe Cannon on "The Mis takes, of Dr. Osier" ought to be a "best seller" from the start. ; Our old friend,, John Llnd, la In danger of losing the great reputation be made as the voice lees ambassador. ' Some, one write to aak, "How are the un fortunate Belgians going to wear ail those wrist lets?" Give It up. .v " v , ; The socialist party In congress may now once more visualise, the truth of tha slogan ''nnlted we stand." v - Villa la Dot the business man he la reputed to be If he does not carry with him a full bat tery of film machines. - ; ; ; George Fred Williams says If hei could, h,ave raised $28,000 he could have become king of Albania.'1 Cheap 'crown. ' ' ' ' But the channels of trade still run ' from Omaha Chicagoward, despite attempted political tampering with the stream; I The advantage of the battle on' the gridiron i that the foot ball warriors have definite time for parting an end to their hostilities. . 1 . . - r , - t ; ' The discovery of pink oysters solves a tick lish social problem. The coior achema of our dinner party may now be made to conform to the most exacting esthetic requirements. , When we know exactly Just how" many' Jem ocrats are aure of their seats in the coming Ne braska legislature, we, will be able to tell pretty close the number of candidates for speaker. Governor-e'ect Whitman rannot helb but know front the crowd bf office-seekers pouring iu upon mm mat ne la even a more popular man today than he was while running fer the office . The most cruel blow of the whole war la 'tbe decree striking out the namea of all Germans on the French Legion of Honor roll. The German Iron Crosa foundries will have to work overtime for a while ' -1 i As usual, some of the contractors are Just ready to begin paving work that should have been completed last summer. If urlvata con cerns were making these contracts they would Insist on a time limit, and enforce a penalty for uuuiuiiiuiiieni. i teJ 1c .'win muM ati I iLkj The f nton Cathollo Library eeaoriation haa elec tive offlceie: Preaident. John A. Cril,ion- reaideU. W. T. McDevltt and V. C. Shelly; ecr.- w j. . i. u onauneaaey; treasurer, John O'Donohoe buard of macaaera, John C. McOwInn and Father Mc Carthy. ' Captain White, superintendent of tha western tutietun oi idc ran way mau service, ta in the city. City Treasurer Buck haa amplayed V. 11. Crary asalatant In hla office. Iyal U Pmlth, the Farnain atrect dry goods nuui. rn pr Liucaaoio return eunaay. Rev, O. C. MUler. paator of tha Engilah Luthe cnurtit at cedar rUpId, Ja.tba. aueat of Rev i.eiweuer. Au(uat Buacb f Malna, Oertnany, brother Aaolphua Buach, la In the i-lty and waa entertained fred Vet. Iocal aoortamen renort .r..f ,.m. - - - . " W " . .II..U, larae auauLllca of nicer md anLelotui v.i- Cdved SmJIv. Kiid th walks In ln houaea are lined with prairie chKkena. grokee aae. ourm, quau ana rauuilj. All dt-tiiocratle dlixena who have ooal oil.- tar ether Laxreie wht4-h they will donate for the bo are aaaca la mVlr Jullua Meyer before IS o c umorrow ao iny may be calUd for. aa eran Mr f a-il l a or fire clbk Any Two-Dollar Bills Get Loit? A few days ago The Bee nailed the lie being spread through the state, by a circumstantial account on the authority of the Kearney Hub and the Lincoln Journal, of how $5,o60 In two- dollar bills distributed among, purchasable vot ers In Omaha at the last election were receipted for bv nuttlna- one crossmark onooslte the name Sf one of the candidates for governor and throw ing away tne vore on an me rest oi me ucnei. Ibe Bee punctured this air bubble by showing that out of a total vote for governor, aggregating 24,918,' despite the long ballot and other dis tractions, only 1,530 failed to vote for land com missioner, .being the lowest of flee, on the state ticket. But we now have a more striking exhibit to make In comparison of Douglas county with "Lancaster "county, where the Lincoln Journal holds forth, and with Buffalo county, where the Kearney Hub has Its headquarters. Computed on the percentage basis, out of very hundred voters In Douglas county who narked their ballot for governor, only 5.1 failed to vote for land commissioner. In Lancaster county the total vote on gov ernor is 13.007, and on land commissioner 12,- 208, so that out of every hundred voters mark ing their ballots for governor six failed to vote tor land commissioner. , In Buffalo county the total vote on governor is.4,433, and on land commissioner 4,145, so that out of every hundred, voters njarklng their ballots for governor 6.2-failed to vote fof land commissioner. . , ,- - The fact that the complaint of excess votes for governor would have Wore of a 'basis In Lad caster county and In Buffalo county than It has In Douglas county warrants the -question. Did any of those two-dollar bjljs get lost and land in the vicinity of our critics? I "Bob" Burdette. Msny an old printer and newspaper .man either now or once active "at the case" or at the editorial "end of tha name" here In the middle west will bow hla head in melancholy reminis cence at the newa that "Bob" Burdette has turned in his "30." For the time was many years ago when Burdette was amung the beat of lhem and. the jnost popular of Illinois and Iowa newspaper men. He was always known as so ex cellent worker and a genial friend and. It aeems, he never lost either of -these aa ble-llfe merged Into the ripeness of years and the serener shades of religious employment. The Rev, Robert J Burdette continued to be the old "Bob" of other daya to those who knew him first. And it is note worthy that after retiring from a brilliant, but rather brief, career In the ministry, he returned' to his first love Journalism. Like most other men who go Into it. It held his affections fast and gave play, ample play, to his larger, better powers. , . , The account of hs death merely adverts to tne fact tbat the former Mrs. Burdette' was an Invalid and the romance of the marriage at what wts supposed to be her death bed. OJd friends along the Mississippi tell many beautiful stories of the constancy of thla young husoand's love and devotion to hla invalid wife. That a man with such a heart as Bob Burdette had should rise to the estate of his larger and later useful ness and Influence Is not at all strange. He had ability, talent, versatility, but before all he was ever characterized as a man with a heart and such a heart as enabled blm to smile through his sorrowa and to make others smile. And great men tell ua one who can do that Is a benefactor. No Politics in Honoring: the President The Lincoln Star thinks The Bee, in urging an Invitation to President Wilson to stop Onisha on bia return trip from San Francisco. "forestalling any paper that may be In sympathy with the national administration." and belnx 1 sympathy with the national administration, the Star wants the invitation to give preference to Lincoln as the Nebraska stopping place. Let us assure the Star, and others interested, that with ine Bee if la not a question jot aympatby or ol Itlca, but of courtesy and respect for whomnoevei occupleg the: high office of chief magistrate of the pat ion. In honoring the president, -political lines are effaced. War Dazes Language oaalderrd Reread Deerrle-tloa. "It la hopeleaa for any man to attempt a dfecrlp tlon of the war In Europe The Enallah lansuase cannot do It. nor any other Iankuar." Thla la the chief tmpreealon brought back from K'irope by Irvln Cobb, war correponont an,j humor lt. who haa arrived In New York from tha battle fl'Ms of B'lsrlum and northern France. In an Interview In the New York Poat Mi. Cobb aays: "We have ueed up all our adjoctlvea on five alarm flrea, aana-murdera. Hlocum dleaatera. political conventions. We haven't rot anythlnt left for auch a war. and It aeems pitifully inadequate to fall back on tha .stork phraaea. It's too bin to comprehend. Yo'J start out In the momln with tha heat Inten tlona of graaplne the farts of events and writlns bully atory, and you coma horrw In tha evenlns daaed and brow-beaten. There never haa been anythlna like It, Here you (iet a Gettysburg for breakfaat, a Chancellorevllle for lunch. Waterloo for supper, and. to make a Btod measure, they throw In a Sedan around tea time. "K Is almrly imiwalble. for Instant, to tell how KM.' men died. You can't write It. and people who read Jt couldn't realise the horror of it. Thy would he too stacitered. too amased by the proportions of the atatemcnt. What you can do, tneuajh. la to pick out tbo story of how one man died, and tell that, msklna; him typical of the hundred thousand or the million or whatever tha figures may be. As for aaurtlee. I'm convinced they have been much frqater than any of the combatants has admitted. I should not attempt to u" thm because it would be absurd to hazard a venture In flsures so lsrgs. You could only approximate It by hundreds of thou sands j Bark of the Army. One thins that Imnreaaed me was the . way in which you become habituated to the terrlbte side of war. The flrat time I aaw Germans enter a captured town. I was thrilled all over: tha first time I saw a dead soldier I, felt that I ' could write a whole atory around that one fact. But arter a mue time t iuu.iu that the moat distressing scenes of ru:n. death, and deeeolatlon made very little concrete Impreaalon upm me. As a matter of fact, one dead man Is a are deal more dletresalng than several hundred or 1.CFV and the most appalling- scenea I wltneaaed were not thoee on the , battlefields, but In the baae nospltnis where Door charm were dylnc out of sound of tha uns. "Anyhow. , the worst thing about a mmieiicia fen't how It looks, but how It smells the awful stench of unburled bodies, of Stale aunpowder fumes, of human sweat, of rottlnc corn, of damp, ruined houses. That Is the way it affected me. Yet 1t Is remarkable how efficient! nature works to cover up the traces ol war. Visit tha aame scene a few weeks later, and you'll find grass growing In the ruts made by tho cannon, "new olla-e burgeoning on treea that were stripped bare, and moat of the disagreeable traeea of death removed. It takes very little time for natu.-.j to obliterate the track of an army. "Even so. however, I am convinced that the. arter effects of this war will be Incalculable. I should not care, to try to estimate -the time It will take the winner to recover from It; fifty years Is a moderate gueaa and means comparatively little except In a suggestive setlae. The loser. I am convinced, will scarcely ever recover from It. Belgium. It Is true. Is simply the wreck of a land today, but I am In clined to believe tha Belgians will rehablllate them selves a great deal faster than people think. Atrocities aad Rayaaeta. I have relegated the atrocity atory to the umbo that eon tains the bayonet-charge story. I saw sev eral hundred thousand German aoldlers. many nf them-wounded, and thouaands of Belgian, French an.l English prlaoners, many of them also wounded: and besides this 1 talked to doctors, who, themselves. baf attended to thousands of wounded.. I did not see a slncle bayonet wound, and 1 did not. hear of any men who had been wounded by bayonets. While I waa In England early in tha campaign, one soldier waa sent back from France with a bayonet wound, but It came out that be had been hurt accidentally by falling cn a comrade's bayonet. Neither did I bear of any lance wounds. Aside from the early days of the war. there has been vary little cavalry charging, I think. Moat of the wounded we saw bad been hit by shrapnel." ,v "Did yen see any of the forty-two-centimetre guns In actlonT" "No. We saw tha twenty-one-oentlmetres on tne Alsne and before Antwerp, but we never saw the forty-two-centimetres. We "did hear a great deal abput the moral effect these big guns had, though Surgeons told ' us they bad: panel of men who were not bit. but who suffered complete nervous break down simply from the shock bf the explosion of the big ahella. "It doesnt matter how much you talk about thla 'war.' or what phase you take up; In the end you come around to the atartlng point, tho Inconceivable Immenaetteas - rf" It. No man can - grasp It all. No man' can take In completely the horrors, the splendors, the suffering, and the slory of tt. I saw the Garman army that attacked the British, at Mona. marching through Bj-usaojs, hundred of thoueaiida of men. hour after hour, day and- night But I could not convey an adequate Impression of that "sight to you. It Is Impossible. I- have an Impression locked up lnatde me, but I shall never be aWa to give- It to others. Nobody could. It waa like all the 'other events In thla warbeyond the power-of . oftej-.tuan's brain to comprehend." Dr. Frank Crane aaya there is no such thing as knowledge. .Then that other wise man who eald, 'The fear of the Lord Is the beginning of knowledge, but foola despise wledom and in struction." evidently did not know what be was talking about: " Twice Told-Tales' ..Where Safety Lay. -. V ' Evn the war haa' Its bright side. Two negro porters were dlacusatng It aa they 'waited for a train to pull' Into the station., ' ; -: " . "Man," said the first, "dem Germany aubmaroona is aho'ly gwlna to alnk'de British -navy. ' Yaa, slices, dey'a aho'ly gwlne to 'aploda dem naval boata dot's waltln our yonda." . . . "Hho!" said porter No. '!. ""An", what's gwine to happen'denT" " ' " " . .. t ; "Why, drm Germany aubmaroona' II come tight on 'cross and 'splode de rest ob de' naval boats ob h world. Dot's what'H happen den, tfaipbo!" !'lt. looky hean, Gawge. Ain't ye' aa' me batter decla ouaheelves a couple o", noot-rnoi'.rhi noot ralHIes?" ; . " ' ' -- "Man." said 'George, "yo' 1 alt kin be jiootrallty If'yo' wants to. Ah'm a Gorman." New York Sun. v ' , Strategy. General rau tells of a French noncommissioned officer who was' being examined on the, subject of taotloa. Give me an Instance of strategy." was the ques tion. ' The. soldier thought. hard and. then, replied: "When In battle youjrua out of ammunition and don't want the enemy tq know It. .It hi good .stratey te keep on firing." Londun Tlt-Ulta. .- People and Events Wa are a peaceful people, a Christian peonlo. Everybody admits It. Yet the nation's reputation is sorely Jarred by aa Aimrioan back from Europe who boasts of having given cigarette coupons aa real money to a Russian princess wha befriended him. Aa employe of a bank In Harlem. N. Y.. a wiped a package 'of l.d from the bank and hid tt In his cellar. oaeaalon of tha stolen wad brought on nervous prostration, exposure, recovery of the riomv, and the Jalt The moral la visible to all who need it George' Fred Williams of Maaaachuaetta, recently American mlnlater to Albania, aaya the Albanians begged hire to be their king. But George Fred duckod. lie feared the honor might have obliged him to ao ll.it funds from his old neighbors for the poor gujr rtlaa of the kingdom. Owing to' tha failure of Americana to come acroaa with the money, Italy la reaching for It by other means. Recently a fine of 12, JW waa Impoeed on an American steamer for not arriving on schedule time. No ether medium of exchange, no other tourlat. looks half aa good to Italian at bom a the American ehettk and the man behind it. Great Caeaar'e ghost, how they grapple for both! They Are (ornlaar Hark. S'JlTH OMAHA. Nov. 19.-To the Edi tor of The Bee: The returns for Douglas county and for the atate of Nebraska ahow tliut If th people calling them selves prngreaalvea had not placed a ticket Ir. the f l 1.1 this year, that we w-ould have elect d every member of the leglalature trom Doufrlaa county and that we would have ce ted every state officer below grvernor. Several of tho Ir-idlng progrcilve have told me since tin; election that they are tired nf acting hs assistant democrats and thst they will be back with the re publican party in 19H. If the progrrs ilve had goDe Into the republican prl marlea tills year In this county It Is more than likely that they would have secured a share of the candidate for the legis lature and In that way they would have gained ns well as the republican ticket. But this election shows them that they are siwply naslotlng the democratic party to win nheti the majority of the people of the country are opposed to democratic poll ilea As I have predicted a number of time since the election of Mr. Wilson In 191S. the republican party will come back in 1916 and win . the presidency. Hon. Ross Hammond of Fremont wrote me a few day ago that one more victory for the democrats like the one they claim to have won cn the third day or November and they art done for. Moat of the progreralves are high claaa people and the republican party wel comes them back with open arms. F. A. AG NEW. Nominate Slnaa for V. .. Senator. OSCEOLA, Neb.. Nov. . To tho Editor of Th Bee: After a somewhat careful analysis of the vote In tho late election, I am firmly convinced that tho election of the democratic ticket was as needless as war. provided that the republicans nsa used any judgment whatever In their nomination of a man for governor thai could hav gotten the republican vote on election day. Nebraska la republican and the only thing necessary to do Is to nom inate men for office that can get tho republican vote on election day. We will aoon be in the midst of another primary election to select a man for the United States senate to defeat Hitchcock. No democrat haa any license to be elected senator from Nebraska and need net be If the republican will lay aelde their petty differences and get to work. We have a man In tho Fourth congres sional district who can carry the solid republican vote of the state besides ral lying to his support thousands of dem ocrats and that person Is none other than Congressman Charle H. Hloan of Geneva, Neb. He Is honest, clean, fearless and forceful and ha a record In congress for representing his district that any repub lican can be proud of. A good debater, a fine speaker and tin the prime of life, he can meet the enemy anywhere they may choose to have him, and the best of all has a district behind him with a 5,000 republican majority. I nominate for United States senator, to succeed G. M. Hitchcock, Hon. Charles H. Sloan of Geneva. H. C. BEEBE. Caaaty Fair Location. OMAHA, Nov. Is. To the Editor of Th Bee: The Douglas county fair Is now re ceiving some discussion among the farm ers as to what It I. what It haa been, and what It may be made, tr given the proper atttentlon by those most Interested rn upbuilding the agricultural Interests of the county. ' The general expression among th farmers and live stock produc ers Is that the fair should go Into the hands of the people of the country 11s. trlcts. It Is urged that ever since the Douglas County Agricultural society waa organ ised In 1S58. that the fair baa been held at Omaha, and that by IU management in recent years It ha lost all connec tion with the general agricultural Inter est and sentiment Of th people of the county, who represent grlculture. And that there Is now a disposition among the farming classes to take hold of tha fair and make It a real "county fair." It la argued by thla aame class of farm representative thai there Is no reason why the farmers and breeder of pure bred stock cannot get together on a lo cation and establlah the fair for a period of yenre. aay five or ten rears, sufficient to Justify local Interests In contributing suitable grounds and building. There can be no question aa to the desirability of a country location for the county fair. Tha farmers and live stock men are al most a unit on this feature of . the sub ject. There Is more or less rlvalshlp, however, on location. Every town and village In the county recognises the .lc 'alrablllty of having the fair, located nearby. There must be a best place, how. ever, taking all thinga Into consideration, When carefully weighed by tha sober i Judgment of th board of director. The 1914 fair at Elkhorn demonstrated the claim that a fair can be held In Doug las county euuid of Omaha, and be well represented In exhibits and attendance. This fair was well patronised by country people, the farmer and hi family, from this and adjoining counties. The attend ance from Omaha did not exceed 1W per son, largely office seekers and their friends, th city farmers who periodically farm the farmers. The success achieved proved thst a country location can ha made a uaeful and practical place for tho holding of the county fair. CITIZEN. Proklblttoa aaw Compeaaat Ua. OMAHA. Nov. . To the Editor of The Bee; Our liquor frletds are In trouble. .When they begin to firht th supreme court of the United State they hava rather a big Job on hand. We are evt. dently going to hsvo quite a good, deal of discussion of prohibition In the next two years, and I iihould not have mixed In It so early had Mr. Meyer's first let ter not been too severs In IU charge of Immorality and general "ciusedncas" on the part of prohibitionists. Sine I, for one. practice what I preach, and don't know -tha last of either wine or lager beer. I may venture to say what he would not catlentty accept from thoa who uao liquor and vote for pre hi bit Ion. Hut the theory doea not fit with pracUcal condi tion. Many own land who vote for single tax, and Louij F. Poat Jitatlfie them on the plea that tha "Immorality IS Institutional, not Individual." A big question la opened up by Baying' that a man ahould not vote for the abolition of slavery as long as kje cwns slave. If prohibition makas weaklings, the ten commandments and th sermon on th mount must hav been given under a wrong impression. Law is not only a creature or puouo sentiment, but a creator of It. Prohibition of certala things makes strength. An acre oi autistic Is not required with th liquor business any mors thaa with slavery. Lincoln aatd of that and It advocate what aulu exactly now: I "Their thinking It right, and our thinking it wrong, la th precioe tart upon wht h depend the whole controversy." Almost any liquor man ran grnnt that principle utileaa he. haa been wi.wlng too much of the stuff that ina1e Milwaukee fam ous. Since the courts have decld' d that compensation la not necessary, why should we be blamed If we take them at their word? Hr the ll'i'ror men no re spect for the supreme court of the United states and thoie of the various stotes? The United itatea may derive a third of Its revenue from this foune, but It tools It ten times over what It gets to take care of the finished produrt We Intend to end tha partnership, hitherto renewed from year to year. What Switzerland vid England have done doea not apply her. Then, writs do not run on Nebraska pralrW-s If a ngle tax were app.l-d tomorrow there would be no comr nsaion. any inoie thHn there I now In Germany, when from 1 to 33 per cent of the ri: of land values Is taken for the public ti-neflt. When the congress of the United states took ovor all the Mormon property, the supremo court decided that co.irse was rih', there was not a dollar of compensation, but the saints had to pay rent for the.r own buildings The public welfare Is the final test. " WILLIAM ARTHUR- SAID IN FUN. 'Do you keen Piaylng that mechanlual piano because you like music?" Isa. The footwork Is easier than walk ing, and the doctor told me 1 must taki exercise." Louisville, Cour.er-Journal. "Miss Oldglrl Is a very obliging woman." "In what respect?" "When .llgirer got tlnev at the nartv an.i told her he didn't like her face, she immediately changed countenance." Bal timore American. "What kind of a dog Is that?" "He's a hull moose dcg. boss." replied Mr. Kraxtus IMnkiev. "W hy. there isn't any such kind of oVg The bull nioose' . a party made up if mest every kind of politics there la." "W, suh, (lis dog ta made up of al most every k nd of tanlne der Is. " Wash ington !Br. Blnks Tiiumi'i iwmi like a very un assuming little fellow. -linki-Ves. Tlmmins is the sort of chap who digs trenches fur other men to fight In. -Cleveland lia n Dealer. QUARANTINE OF THE GNU. Portland Oregonlan. A Rim I guevt-r ucw ins gname; Tj ghfe, itn.-.e.n aooui oy lame V.ncar unatal and Untmaquaiand Leu all tne gnus, a snoOio band. Gnow, gnoon or anight, the gntmbls gnu (iiilrpcii where the gnlceet hernage grew; ttnuts and giiari'isxus, gneally blent. ihn gnu would gnaw lur Giiourlhment. A gnegro gnomad from the Gnlle linali of Gnlger, too, a while one unmht to tinatal came to do His greatest work, to gnab a gnu. The gnlhle gnu was (nipping gnnts From gnutmcg trees mm gnat ve huts; His gnickerlng gnoefrlls. gnow and then. SniffeJ the unlght air. He gnipped again The gnegro gncmsd. gnear a gnoll. With gneck craned gnow and gnervou soul, Gnotei the gnlce. a neat, gnallv huU And the gnu gnear them g nibbling gnuta. Onearer and gn'arer gnosed the gnu, Gnow gnext the gnegro s gnoll It drew, W ho with gnew gnlfc gnow gneatly slew For In the gneck he gnlrked the gnu. Gnumb on its gnose gnow dropped th gnu, The g negro's gnlfe, it gnalled him through: Gnelghlng dashed sll th mobly band. From Gnatal and Unamaqualanod. Ono more know gnavlgatea that gnu Where Gnatal's gnoddlng gnutmegs grew . tJnor gneed I carve his niche In fame Gno, gno! I gnever gnew his gname. IT is generally agreed by doctors tuat ilu primary trouble with the health of wo men and young girls la tbat they are careless of the condition of the bowels. There Is nothing so Important in this regard as habit and system. The growing girl should be especially looked after. Girls and women of all ages will find tbat by regulating them seleves they can avoid the free use of cos metics and such things, and that obesity Is reduced by bowel elimination and weight in creased by proper assimilation. Tho right laxative for women, as it is for children and old folks, who should not use harsh pills, salts and other strong cathartics, Is that gentle and mild laxatlve-tonlc. Dr. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin, it acts on the prin ciple that by gently regulating the bowels the digestive muscles will soon again be trained to do their work naturahy and unaided- Thousands of families use it regularly, and it has been the standard In good Amer ican homes for two generations. Mrs. Ella Roblson of 806 Trombley St., Ft. Worth, Tex., says she will never be without Dr. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin.' She uses it herself and gives it to her little girl, and believes she will not need the doctor so often now. Mrs. T. Blue, of 4 42 College St., Cape Girardeau. Mo., makes Syrup Pepsin her family remedy and aaya she would not be without it for twice Its price. You will find Syrup Pepsin very effective ag a remedy for constipation, dyspepsia, bil iousness, belching, gag on the stomach, foul breath, headaches, bloating, etc Druggists sell It at. fifty- cents and one dollar a bottle. . Coupon for FREE SAMPLE Dr. Caldwell I glad to send anyone who has never tried his remedy u free sample bottle for personal Invest! gallon. Simply clip this coupon and enclose in an envelope with your name and ad dress, or write your name and address plainly on a postcard and mail tit to Dr. W. B. CaMwelt, 7 Washington St, Monti cello, 111. - Have Your Ticket Head "BnTlineTton" To Tttne Somttb WintcF Tourlstt Fares In Effect Until April 30 Direct Routes Both Ways. JscksoiTflle, Fla. Hlaml, Fla. Orntond, Fla...... Pensaeela, Fla,.... BIloxL Hiss......... Charleston, S. C. Lake Charles, La., fort Worth, Tel.. . , Aagwsta, Ua. , &U Petersbnrg, Fla. Tickets to another direct Ronnd Trip From Omaha ...850.68 73.78 57.08 41.18 41.18 47.68 37.68 27.03 62.28 Tampa, Fla. St Augustine, Fla.. Palm Beach, Fla.. . New Orleans, La... Mobile, Ala........ San Antonio, Tex.. Hoastoa, Tex. Havaanah, Ga. Key West, Fla..... Havana, ( aba e e eee)ae &o4 Trtp j Frew Omaha! $62.28j S2.08 69.18 41.18 41.18 39.08 37.68 47.68 83.78 87.18 Florida via one direct line, returning vi&i line, $3.00 higher than fares above. Altraclive Circuit Tours to Florida Indirect Route One or Both Ways. JACkSOVTILLF., FLA going via Chicago er St Loals, direct lines to Jacksonville, returning via Washington, D. C and Chicago or St. LeaU . , S61.0O JACESO-YILLE. FLA, going via Chicago er St Louis, direct Unes via Pittsburg to Washington, P. ('-, thence to Jacksonville, return ing via direct rentes 61.00 JACKSONVILLE. FLA, going via St Loals and Sew Orleans, re. taming via Birmingham and St Loals 61.68 JACKSONVILLE, FLA, going via Chicago aad Birmingham, re turning via Savannah, Atlanta and Chicago 53.68 JACkSOXYILLE, FLA, going via Chicago, (la eta a at! and Atlaata, retiming via Jtoatgomerj and Chicago 53.68 JACkSOXtlLLE, FLA, going via St Loals, Menshlg and Atlanta, retnralag via Birmingham aad St Loals 53,68 The Trains to Use: St. loals Special at 4:30 P. M. Kansas City Trains at 9:15 A. RL. 4:30 P. M 10:45 P. EL Chicago Trains at 7:15 A. M- 3:45 P. IU 6:30 P. M. Winter Toarist and Homeseekers Fares to many ether destinations, soitbweet, aeitfc aad southeast Liberal stop-over privileges write or Mil for pablicatioaa. Information, etc and let me help yon plan aa attractive tear ef the seath. J. B. REYNOLDS, City Passenger Agent, 1(02 Fa-ant St, Omaha, Xeb. Phones Dor;. 12M aad Dong. SoSO. wi ... I (ijuifiiT-Jfiii! .. F PAY VJIIEtl CURED VUea aad witaoat th kali. f-aaraasee. Writ f IT lilatrwt Vft te aasas W mm Xere DR. C. R. TARRY - - 240 Bide., Omha, lltb.