4
T11H I.IEK: OMAHA, MONDAY. XOVEMBEIi 9, 1D14
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE
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OCTOHEIt CIRCULATION.
55,104
Ptatr of Nebraska, County of Douglas, aa.
' Owlgbt Williams, circulation manager of The Bea
Publtahinc company, bln( duly sworn, says that
the average da.ly circulation for the month of October,
1914, u i..14.
DWIUUT WILLIAMS. Circulation Manager.
Subscribed In my presence and eworn to betor
me. thla 6th day of November, 1914.
ROBEHT HUNTER. Notary Public
Bubacrtbers leaving the city temporarily
. alionld bare Hie lie mailed to tfaem. Ad
' dreses will b changed aa often aa requested.
Boost for Omaha!
Democratic war tax hit you yet?
Evidently the people are still ruling.
That first' anow was hardly worth counting.
The patriotic citizen does not travel afar to
knock bla home town.
' But ot all the mysteries of the war, com
mend us to the torpedo boat called B-9.
Remember those old-fashioned Novembers
when the ground was white with snow?
Of course. If Tammany really must have a
new chief, why there Is "the same old Bill."
The boasts qf self-made men may account for
the popular demand for maximum efficiency.
Assuming that It was aa ' honest" election,
the people must have gotten what they wanted.
' One 'can almost bear Champ Clark roguishly
humming to himself, "They gotta stop klckln'
my dog around."
Incldently, Mexico has been rid of Huerta for
several mouths,' but our American troops are
still hold on to Vera Crus.
' If the cattle contagion can be kopt from
spreading into Nebraska, we will have an extra
reason for observing the coming Thanksgiving.
When Homer located the Elysian fields, the
abode . of supreme happiness, in the west, ot
course he meant Nebraska, especially during the
autumn season.
',. Senator Cummins gets a new lease on his
official, seat by a handsome majority. Iowa, in
sists on . being represented at .Washington by
big men, and stands by them.
' It was old "Abe" Lincoln who said: "You
ran fool all of the people some of the time, and
some of the people all of the time, but you can't
fjQol all the people all the time."
' "It's an Hi wind that blows nobody good.'
,lf the quarantine does not catch this territory,
the stock-yards 'and (packing houses at South
Omaha will have to work, overtime,
Villa wants U understood that he Is going to
nphold the hands of the new provisional presi
dent In peace and order, even If be and his
whole army have to plunge Mexico into - war
again.' '
This war' abounds in anomalies. For ex
ample, 8ervla, the firebrand that touched it off,
Is lost In the shuffle of tha troops and the "first
decisive victory" is won la the orient, thousands
of miles from the original base of operations.
' Greece took little Eplrus during the Balkan
"war, but was caught with this goods by the other
powers, who made Jer drop it. Now, while the
powers are watching each, other, Greece again
lays hands on Eplrus and gets away with It un
molested. '
t Omaha baa Just been entertaining a con
vention of Nebraska's brightest school teachers,
with thousands ot unescorted women traversing
the streets day and night, without the slightest
interference by either "gunmen" or "pick
pockets." Pleaae, Miss Teacher, tell about it
after you reach home.
Dr. Worthlneton of Detroit has ssked for time to
consider hie election aa bishop of the diocese of Ne
braska.
Mas Meyer and wife sailed from Southampton for
New York, where they will vlall relatives before re
turn Ins to Omaha, about Pectmberl.
Dr. Jamee M. Bwetnam haa gone to his old home la
northeaster Missouri, and wll return with bla
daughter, Stella, and his aunt. Mra Khearer. who will
make Omaha their future home, They will reside
with Mr. Shearer at liitt Feroam. i
Aa effort la te be made to provide the member
of tbe police (ores who patrol nUfhta with Unterna t
t uefd by them In their walks through the alleys
and other dark places. -
nesmen Caaey U aelebratlng three great event.
the democratic victory: tbe arrival of a eon. the thir
teenth, at bla borne, and oa becoming a grandfather.
Tbe boy will fly the name of Grover Cleveland Casey.
D. UlliierstflD. with Mas Meyer A Co, who haa
lni quite HI for two weeks, left for Jacksonville
1 !. . tr ifsalu his health.
The Suffragists' Program.
It Is rjulte natural that the suffrage workers.
notwithstanding the defeat of the suffrage
amendment In Nebraska, should immediately
take stock with a view to deciding on future
plans. According to the Lincoln Journal, which
purports to speak by the card, the battle will be.
taken up again, "probably in 1918," by which
time the growth In the number of suffrage states
will do away with what "it calls the only real
argument against immediate suffrage here;"
that other states are trying tbe matter out, and
their experience should guide us to a more safe
conclusion.
This must be taken to mean that the women
desiring votes will not make any demand upon
the coming legislature to submit an amendment
In 1916. The presumption Is that the members
of the legislature as representatives of distinct
constltutencies must regard the vote on suffrage
Jn their respective districts tbe same as an in
struction, In which rase a majority of the law
makers, regardless ot personal views, will find
themselves representing districts that voted
against woman suffrage. It must be remem
bered too, that to secure submission by the
legislature requires a three-fifths affirmative
vote In each house, which presents a still further
obstacle.
Under these conditions, the suffrage people
will do well to cross one bridge at a time, and
while they may feel encouraged to keep up their
propaganda, 1918 la far enough off for a lot of
things to happen In the interval.
Long; and Short Haul Again.
The opening of the Panama canal promises
to resurrect the old contention about the long
and short haul, because tbe railroads In asking
authority to make competitive rates to Pacific
coast ports Insist on being allowed to reduce
their charges on through business without re
ducing rates in the inter-mountain country over
Intervening territory. i
It Is explained on behalf of the railroads
that they cannot afford to meet canal com
petition, If they are obliged to make correspond
ing reductions to Intermediate points, and that
they would rather surrender the other business
to the canal If forced to an alternative. On tbe
other side, tbe only direct benefit which Interior
points can have from tbe nation's Investment in
the canal, to which they have all contributed,
must come from reduced transportation charges
on the goods they consume, and these reductions
can come only through the effect of; the com
petition between water and rail rates. If the
coast points alone are to have the advantage
accruing from canal traffic, then the canal will
prove to be a detriment to the people of the in
terior cities. .
This Is a much bigger problem than would
appear on the surface, affecting as It must the
Industrial development ot the whole western
country, and It will devolve on the Interstate
Commerce commission to treat It on broad lines
and In a far-seeing way.
Will Bonrbonism Strike Now t
President Wilson has never been free of
opposition ' within hig own party. "The New
Freedom" as a lash In the hands ot Mr. Bryan
chased the money devils out of the temple at
Baltimore, but It left very bitter resentment in
their hearts. Bourbonism Is still an element In
democracy. Tbe Bourbons have been much too
discreet, of course, to attack the president openly
so long as be appeared strong f broad, but now
a test baa come. The late election returns fail
to sfiow very much strength for the administra
tion, whose y failure ot endorsement almost lost
It control of the next house, together with some
governors and state legislatures, will this
break-down for "The New Freedom" give Bour
bonism Us opportunity? Will the old guard feel
courageous enough to come from under cover
now and begin what it has all along Intended
doing launching an anti-Wilson fight when
ever occasion presented? President Wilson has
done well In mollifying certain well known
belligerents, but at that if the battle starts and
some of these old warriors once get a good
sniff ot powder, there la no telling what might
happen. 8erlously, It begins to look as If by
116 we might be having an old-time democratic
family' quarrel as good as any ever waged In
tbe palmiest days of tha "Peerless Leader."
Ii This the Way to End the Wart
Tbe president ot the Los Angeles Municipal
Charities eomml&slon la quoted in a published
declaration as saying that relief aent to the non
combatants In Europe only means prolonging
the war and should be kept at home for our own
needy. ,
In other words, do nothing to stanch the
blood of the wounded, appease the cry of tbe
hungry or suocor the widow or orphan. Let tbe
ghouls of. war devour their prey unmolested so
that soon they will have no more prey to devour,
when peace will be restored. Away with army
surgeons, Red Cross nurses, hospitals and other
agencies for caring tor the maimed and miserable
on the field or In tbe home.
What a philosophy! We all want the war
ended, but hardly In this way.
Beaton for Thanksgiving;.
There are always many reasons for observing
tha spirit ot Thanksgiving day, but one reason,
this year, obscures all others. Governor More
bead has caught the Idea when he says In bis
proclamation:
Nebraska Joins with the other states of the union.
In praise for tha fact that while the eastern world Is
being rocked In the throes of war. Involving whole
nations In titter desolation. w are at peace. The
blessing of which, we sea In the contrast, more clearly
than ever before, stay He who guides the stars In
their courses, mercifully preserve us from war, and
under tha lead of those la high authority let ua follow
In tha path that lends to a perpetual peace.
The blessings of peace are greater than all
other blessings.
It will take more than a six weens" campaign
to counteract the poison against Omaha that has
been spread throughout Nebraska by political
demagogues and their yellow newspaper organs
leading people to believe that they cannot
walk the streets here without being assaulted by
"gunmen" or board a street car without having
their pockets picked. Down with tbe knockers
and mallgners!
A recess appointment has this advantage for
the hungry democrat over the other kind; that
tbe favored peraon takes possession at once with
out watting for an exchange of civilities between
the warring patronage dispensers.
What the t wl versify Owe Oaplaad
OMAHA, Nov. I.-T0 the Editor of The
Roe: Now that the question of university
removal has been settled, I think we all
agree that leaving such a matter to a
referendum was a mlsuee of the elective
franchise, it le safe to say that not (
per cent of the votes cast were based
upon a fair understanding of the ques
tion. Thousands of voters never even
heard of a university and do not under
stand tbe meaning of the word.
Can anybody dottfit that It the question
to abolish the State university altogether
were put to such a referendum vote what
tha probable result would be?
Removal to the farm campus was de
feated because of tha supposed cost to
the taxpayer. On that argument you have '
only to show the people of Nebraska that
loss than t per cent of the school popula
tion attends the State university, and
that the Rate university usee up about
ono-thlrtt of the taxes of the state- The
farmers of the state might save the ag
ricultural college, but there would ' be
nothing left of the colleges on the down
town campus.
However, as a result of the agnation
for removal the State university Is In
debted to Regent Oeorge Coupland of El
gin, Neb., for U.MO.000 that we now have
for a physical plant. The majority of
the Board ot Regents considered It an
Iridescent dream and a risky proposition
to ask for any such sum. In view of the
fact thnt past experience showed that no
legislature had been willing to appropri
ate more than KOO.COo at one . time for
buildings. It was contended that asking
for a building fund of W.Mo.000 might re
sult In no appropriation at all, but with
tha courage of his convictions. Regent
Coupland worked night and day through
two legislatures at his own cost and at
the expense of hla health to bring about
an appreciation of the need for a large
sum of money for tha university.
It was the education that the two legis
latures received on the question of re
n ovel that made them realise nut only
what a great university should be, but
how Inadequately we had been provided
with buildings In years past. In tbe hope
and belief that this money would be spent
to remove the unlvorodty to the farm
the sum of $2,500,000 waa ultimately pro
vided. During his long term as regent of tha
Stale university, Mr. Coupland has each
year given several months of hla own
time without expense vo the stats to what
waa to htm a labor of love. As one of
the leading farmers In Nebraska. In
tensely interested In the agricultural de
velopment of the state, a student and a
acolar, ho waa peculiarly fitted to and
did render the most valuable aervlce of
any resent on the hoard and It la a aad
commentary on tha state that It allowed
the Lincoln campus committee to defeat
such a man by misrepresentation and
slander.
Every friend of tha Etata university
and especially tha agricultural Interests
of tha stats of Nebraska will sincerely
regret Regent Coupland's retirement
Without hla untiring labors, hla optimism,
and hla personality the aura of 12,600,000
would never hava been appropriated. A I
know that to him the consciousness of
having done hla duty 's sufficient reward,
but it will always remain a matter ot
regret to his many frlenda that the causa
nearest his heart, the desire to build up
one great university on the farm cam
pus, was defeated by the methods em
ployed. F. I HALL.ER.
Makes Twenty Years the Limit.
. OMAIIaI Nov. . To tha Editor -of The
Pee: It waa with oonaiderablo satisfac
tion that tha prohibitionists read of tha
mate-wide prohibition of tbe liquor traf
fic In Oregon, Washington. Colorado
(thanks to Billy Sunday) and Arisona. I
do not pretend to be a prophet, neither
am I a forerunner of events, but X ven
ture tha statement that Inside ot twenty
years tha United Statea will be a saloon
less nation.
Tha manufacture of liquor should be for
medicinal purposes only (If pharmaceuti
cal purposes require It) and the output
ahould be controlled by the government,
from a federal distillery or brewery.
The year 1934 will see a new nation; a
nation of sobriety; a nation of stalwart
men and women; a nation whoae morals
will hava reached tha acme of perfection.
,- B. B. M.
Let Oernaaay Keul tha Belerlaae.
LINCOLN. Nov. 1 To the Editor of
Tha Bee: What la tha real reason behind
this frantlo attempt to stampede America
Into assuming the support of tha former
Belgians? Belgium Is now under derm an
control, and tha one-time Belgians are In
fact German aublects. under the rule of
offlc'als appointed at Borlln. Belgium la
In fact a part of Germany, and Germany
Is a rich and powerful nation and does not
need tha charity of America to fee4 Its
subjects, A correspondent of tha New
York Sun quotes Privy Counselor Witting,
one of the leading financiers of the Qer
man empire, aa saving the other day i
We are mak'ng all riir nreiwat'one for
three veers. Somethlmr Ilka X factories
for turning rottea lnt flour for bread
are being established. There la plenty of
meat. We had an excellent rmp and It
has all been harvested and put away.
. AU our large cities report caeea of Euro
pean reservists leaving their families to
be supported by American charity, while
they aid In a ' war that haa already
brought to us much Industrial disturb
ance and heavy flnanolal loss. Let Ger
many feed Its conquered subjects from
Its own laraa purse and Its three years'
store of supplies and not ask the eharlty
of America until assistance la really
necessary. F. J. IRWIN.
Meteoric Career of Heinze
s
I Tabloids of Science
A telegraph wire In tbe open country
lasts four times as long as one In tbe city.
Scientists have figured that about M.
000.000 babies are born each year, or at
a rata of about seventy a minute..
Railroads In southern Russia are pre
serving their tlos by soaking them In a
strong solution ot crude sea salt.
At MO feet below the surface of tha
water the amount ot Illumination ts about
the aamy aa that on the surface, on a
clear but moonless night.
Because ot modern fashions, a Phila
delphia scientist haa figured that women
must eat 10 per cent more food than for
merlyto maintain their normal tempera
ture. Vertical circles of electric lights have
bceu erocUd at Berlin to guide aviators
who can tell haw near they are to the
ground by obaervlng the angles of tha
circles.
It la reported that the nerves of city
dwellers stand the stress of battle better
then men who have lived In the country.
The explanation la that the city type of
man has beoume habituated to noise, and
terrific noise Is an element of battles.
Grains ! the topper tamp.
Out of college at t9, a mine worker in Butte. Mont.,
at 23, a mine owner at e boss of the copper ramp at
W), victor over tha Amalgamated at 22, high financier In
Wall Street at ft, dejid at 42, briefly outlines the
meteoric career of Frits Augustas HeHnxe of Butte
and New York, who snswered the final summons at
Saratoga, N. Y., a few daya ago.
Helnxe mad millions out of Ma mining ventures
In Butte and lost many of them In his tussle with the
financial sports of Wall Street. He learned the mining
game right In tha drifts of the copper camp, and his
knowledge, combined with grit and d&rhlng energy,
enabled him to mora than hold hla own In his battles
with such copper magnatta aa Senator Clark ami
Marcus Daly. Among the miners he was a great
favorite. Ho waa the first mine owner to establish
the eight-hour day. He paid top wages to his men.
If sickness or other misfortune befell, his treasury
was at their service. Consequently, with Clark and
Daly warring for political supremacy In Montana,
Helnse's popularity with the miners became a valuable
political asset, practically giving him the balance of
power, which he utilised to his own profit.
At onertlme In the crisis of the fight with the Amal
gamated, Hetnte exercised such Influence with the
courts of Butte snd the state at large that tha Amal
gamated company could not expedite Judicial action
until Helnse had taken $7,000,000 worth of ore out of
a drift claimed by tha copper oomblht, and for which
he had given a reimbursing bond ot only $2,000,000.
That aucceestul play put htm $5,000,000 to the good and
doubtless prompted tha Amalgamated to pay him
$11,000,000 for aU hla Interests In Butte,
Aw Rasters Pre4aet.
Ilelnte was not a product of Butte.. Ha waa born In
Brooklyn, N. Y., the youngest son of German parents.
After having been graduated from Columbia young
Hetnse, who was then Just past 19, looked about him
for an outlet for that energy, both mental and physi
cal, which has always been one of his most marked
characteristics. Mines and mining had Interested Mm
from early boyhood, and he resolved to try the west
ern country aa a field for hla endeavors. Hla father
refused to aanctlon tbts plan, and for tha first Uma
young Helnxe disregarded the paternal edict. He told
his father that he had made up hie mind and woull
not be persuaded to turn from the path he had chosen.
Then he bought a ticket for Butte.
Helnse's advent In Butte caused no stir. He was a
youth, and there was nothing In hie appearance to
denote that ha possessed any particular genius for
discovering copper mines or developing their- hidden
wealth. Ha made friends easily, and those who knew
him beet learned that he was an engineer, a metallur
gist, had done some writing on mining topics for a
technical Journal and had a talent for music.
Down to Business.
Early In 1W1 Helnxe succeeded In raising capital
and Incorporating the ore purchasing company, and
began the erection of a smelter; In which he planned
to Introduce new methods In the reduction of copper
ore. Experienced mining men laughed whan they spoke
of "Helnze'a Folly." That was what they called th
now smelter. They grew facetious oivr . "fools and
their money," and prophesied that the young man
from Brooklyn would be traveling eastward before
the year was out.
. While Helnxe was building hla reduction works he
waa negotiating with James Murray, one of tha oldest
mine owners la Butte, for the lease of Murray's rain
They came to terms, and by tha time tha smelter
waa ready for businesa the young man had taken out
a large quantity of ore for treatment under hla new
process. Under tha agreement with Murray the leaaea
waa to give him a certain percentage of the ore taken
from the mine, but this jercentaga varied according
to the grade of ore treated. Murray had assumed thr.t
tha new company would, strive to get out only tho
highest grade, on which ha would realise the highest
percentage. Contrary to expectations. Helnse seemed
satisfied with an Inferior grade of ore, aa hla new
methods of reduction brought a profit aa large as was
usually obtained from ore of a superior grade,
A Flay that 'railed.' "i .
On the day the smelting) operations ware to begin
Murray brought suit for annulment of the oontract and
obtained an Injunction which shut down .the mlnn. '
Deprived of his source of or supply for his smelter,
Helnse, It was believed, would be unable to carry out
his copper contracts and would be obliged to shut
down, and, with no funds to fight Murray In tbe
courts, the old miner waa thought to be in a fair
way to soon own the whole works. ' .
It was here that tbe young engineer's study of '.he
conditions In Butte came to his aid. Ha leased the
, Minnie Haley mine that had been worked by two or
three companies and had been abandoned as worth
lesa This Investment was the cause of much merri
ment among tha old timers who were friends ot Mur
ray. Helnsa smiled in hla qutet way and said, "Wait
a while."
Within thirty days h Was digging tha richest ore
ever mined in Butte out of the supposed worthless
mine. Soon the smelting works had to be enlarged,
and with the money taken out of tha eld mln Helnsa
defended the ault brought by Murray and won. Three
years later Helnxe waa able to purchase for $400,000 a
mine which has sine developed Into a property val
ued at $io,ooo.fo.
Later on. when the tight with the Amalgamated
crowd grew hot, Helnse bought one-sixth Interest la
the Michael Davttt mm for $!,. It was a played
out hoi in tha ground. Helnsa knew that, but the
Amalgamated crowd did not. As a part of hla gam
the mine waa put up at auction, and Hetvse's straw
bidders put up the price until tha Amalgamated bid
ders offered $401,000 and got It. Holns cleaned up
$86,000 on the deal - - -
Eight years ago Helnse moved ftotn Butta -to' New
York with hla millions and buokt-4 the Wall Street
game, narrowly escaping the law which aent to
federal penitentiary at Atlanta hla amoclat In specu
lative banking and high finance, C. W. Morse.
Political Tips
SVSKY GEKS.
German Victory on Sea
Springfield Republican: The fact la that tha British
admiralty haa rated tha German ships too lightly and
Is paying for Ita blunder. Eventually, tbey must be
rounded up, for the odda are too great, but they have
scored brilliantly thus far.
New York World: In tonnage tha Chilian victory
coats Great Britain lasa heavily than the torpedoing
of the Creasy, Hogvie and Abouklr, but tha manner
of It la a severer blow to the prestige ef the older
navy, and leaves It for the moment crippled in one
Important part of Ita vaat field of action.
Louisville Courier Journal: The German Davy con
tinues to clip units of strength from the heavier forces
of the allies, with which it would hardly be able to
cope at present In a general engagement. It la uphill
work for Germany to attack at sea the overwhelming
forces of the first sea power now allied with those
ot France, Russia and Japan. The courage and sue.
cess of the Germans st sea can but Inspire admlr.t.
tlon.
Chicago Tribune: Events thus far la the naval war
ahould have taught the British not to underestimate
tha German sailor, for although the vast prepoadranr
of the Anglo-French fore In the German ocean would
make a pitched battle there foolhardy for the German
fleet, tha enterprise, resourcefulness, and pluclt of the
cruisers which remain at large cannot but Impress the
world with the belief that German naval valor and
efficiency are of tha highest.
New Tork Post: Plainly. Britannia Is having Its
troubles In ruling the waves. It haa found a foaman
worthy of Ita steel; snd the eighteen vessels lost by
It since tha outbreak ef the war testify that the Ger
man policy of attrition baa mt with soma success.
That ita fleet la stronger today despite tola, by rea
son of tha finishing of battleships nearly ro-n plated,
and th taking over ef Turkish battleships and Bra
Sillan monitors. Is not to be overlooked. Ita pumert
ral superiority remains overwhelming, end can hardly
be altered save by aa unthinkable disaster la a great
fleet action. But tt caa hardly be denied that tt-t
honora ef th war for skill, daring and courage In
tha face ot great odds aeeaa thus far oa th aid of
Ita adversaries -
Candidates who sought a vindication at
the polls and got the axe Instead, are at
liberty to appeal from the decision at the
next election.
Down In fid Kentucky, according to
Colonel Watterson's paper, "olectlona
have become so rppetable that a pro
fessional kicker can only kick himself."
Hon. Oeorge Fred Williams, former
rTnltd States minister to one of the
Balkan states, Is taklnir th vocal rest
cur at hla home In Dedham. Mass. He
brought back a resigned frame of mind
from foreign shore.
With some sixty democratic congress
men thrown out lnd a like number of
republican congressmen thrown into the
vacant seats, not to menton countless
minor Jobs, tempt republican headline
makers to appropriate tha title of the
latest campaign book put out by the
democratic congressional committee.
George W. Perkins was not very con
spicuous or nolay In the off-year cam
paign. Just aa th returns showed which
way th pcllttrai wind blew, Mr. Perkins,
as chairman of a New York Dietary com
mission, annoursed among other conclu
sions that fish waa Just aa appetizing on
Mondays, Wednesdays and 8btutdaya aa
on Fridays.
The evening before the landslide started
In New York atate. Colonel Roosevelt
told his Oyster Bay friends.' referring to
Mr. Whitman: "Yon can't trust that type
of man. The truth ts not In him. He
hasn't got any principle." Next day
they went to th polls snd helped to pile
up a plurality of 130,000 for Mr. Whitman
for governor.
Oeorge Ade csn, if he chooses, add
aome fresh experience In politics to his
"County Chairman." He took an active
part in hla brother. Wilt's, campaign for
congress In tbe Tenth Indiana district
and chipped In $600 to aid the machinery.
But Brother Will waa smothered In the
snowstorm of Tuesday with tho rest of
tha progressives.
Uncle Jo Cannon's return to congress
after an enforced vacation of two years
la a source of great Joy In hla home town,
Danville. It Is mora than a political
event, for It rejuvenates tha famous Dan
ville band which haa hv years past, at
Unci Joa'a Inaugurations, filled th arch
ing heavens with Its Inimitable melody.
In Danville the orlflamm of wigwags
for Jo and the band only.
Customer: "Here, waiter Where are
the olives? llo'd on. HrinK me halt a
melcn end om cr 'ckei : "
The Welter. Iiurllr-: "Dumdums. hsJf
a bombshell and a howl of shrapnel:"
Cl veland Plain Pnler.
Toting Wife Your mother a fine cook?
I dor't believe It. I've heard that your
father wai a rhnmlc dyci.eptie.
Husband Well, that's ni rmht: mother
learnel bv prartic ns on father. Boston
Trantcrlpt.
or
nihlp?'
our
"So rou don't think much
friend's pretentions tn Ktnte.mian
Not much, replied henator 8orhnm.
"He reminds me of a toy balloon buslly
engaged in trying to nlve an Imitation
of a Zeppelin. 'Washington Star.
"Bumps prides himself on being Judicial
In his methods."
"Sure he is. He'll arrest your attention,
arraign your motives, try your patience)
and be sen.lmental In his conclusions."
Baltimore American.
"Mv wife made me a success." re
marked the man.
"I am glsd to hear you say that," de
clered his raster.
"Yes, she has a' whys wanted so msny
things thct I've Just had to hustle."
Kautaa Cl'y Journal.
"Mrs. Chink haa hU on a plan to keer
he- husband from smoking In th par
lor." "What did she do?"
"She huns the portraits of her thren
former husbands there." Chicago Her
ald-
"Yes. papa. I saw a play."
"What wss the name of It?"
"I'ncle Tom a Bungalow."
"Dce'n't she mean cabin?" Inquired tha
father, appealing to his wife.
"Of course not, Charles. What- does our
aristocratic child krow of cabins?"
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Llngerlong--Fhall I be keeping you ur
too late If I stay until your clock strike
eleven?
Miss Wecrclgh I'm afraid so: It Is not
a striking clock. Boston Tranacrlpt.
"And are the divorce laws so very lib
eral In your section?"
"Liberal? ay! They are ao liberal
that nobody ever heard of a woman cry
ing at a wedding out there." Detroit
Journal.
The Sergeant Look here, before you'r'
served out with your uniform you'd bet
ter nip down to tha wash houses and get
g bath.
The Recruit-Wot? I coma 'ere to be a
soldier not a bloomln' mermaid! Lon
don Opinion.
THE DUEL.
Eugene Field.
The gingham dog and the calico cat
elide ty side on the table sat;
'Twas half paat twelve, and (what do you
think!)
Nor one nor t'other had slept a wink!
The old Dutch clock and th Chinese
plate .
Appeared to know aa sure aa fate
There waa going to be a terrible spat.
(I wasn't there; I simply state,
What waa told to me by the Chinese
plate.)
The gingham dog went "Bow-wow-wow,"
And the calico cat replied, "Mee-owl"
The air waa littered an hour or so,
With bits of gingham and calico.
While the old Dutch clock In tha
chimney place
Up with ttr hands before Its face.
Far it always dreaded a family row!
(Now mind; I'm only telling you
What tha old Dutch clock declares Is
true!)
Tha Chinese plat looked very blue.
And walled, "Dh, dear, what shall we
do?"
But the gingham dog and the calico cat
Wallowed this way and tumbled that.
Rmptoylng every tooth and claw
In the awfulleet way rou ever saw
And, oh! how th gingham and calico
flew!
(Don't fancy I exaggerate
1 got my newa from th Chinese
plate!)
Next morntmr, where the two had sat.
They found no trace of dog or cat;
And some folks think unto this day.
That burglars stole that pair away!
But the truth about the cat and pup
Is this: They ate each other upt
Now what do you really think of that?
(The old Dutch clock, tt told me so,
And that la how I cam to know.)
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T DECLARE,"
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