l in j iii.h;
U.iAil.V, iihlAl, UvHil.A '. Ut-t.
!f "foanio Often an gere-fro j I fl ?
II ..... I I 1 1 I 0 II
-A
saw i i. - r it -Min-r -imnitri nt i 1
The high coat of living has made turtles, husbands and varioua other luxuries
prohibitive In price, has forced many housewives to find substitutes for these once
familiar articles of daily consumption. Real turtle soup la now only served by
Pittsburgh millionaires, while genuine husbands ranrly appear except up the
tables of chorus girls.
Happily, however,, many women have learned to concoct a delectable dish
railed Moelc Husband, which Is economical, agreeable to the taste, and can only
be told from the genuine article by divorcees who have spent two or more sea
eons In Reno, and have thus become connoisseurs.
There are several, ways of preparing Mock Itusband. Some women make
this dish by taking a small and measly looking man. of the human shrimp
.variety, and dragging him up to the altar, after which he is never heard of
'gain, except as his wife's himband and the children's father. In such cases
the Mock Husband Is not served as a separate course, but Is used merely to give
a certain flavor to the family stew, or aa an ornamental garnlah to the domes
tie platter. Women who Ilka this brand of Mock Husband are of the kind who
serve one small bottle of champagne to eight people at dinner.
' Another variety of Mock Husband Is male bar selecting a man for a husband
who was born too tired too work, and who does not mind seeing a woman labor
to support him. This style of .Mock Husband Is a great favorite with elderly
! women, who held that If you pick out mere boy a. as a basis tor the plat, and
serve them up with a rich enough sauce of creature comforts, you have a dish
that is quite as good is real husband
and of a much more piquant flavor.
The difficulty, though, with this
plst Is thst young Mock Husband ls
exceedingly Indigestible, and sure to
disagree with old maids and widows,
Snd cause them trouble.
The best way to prepare Mock Hus
band, and the way followed by our
loading Suffragettes and Purs Pood
Experts is as follows:
First, begin by seeing that your
.utenslle for preparing this dish are
thoroughly in order. Put sufficient
money in your purse, and see that you
.have a nice, comfortable place to live.
Then buy a parrot that swears. Oet--one,
If possible, that has a large vo
cabulary of words that begin with a
big D. See also that it is Instructed
to use the phrsse "any fool ought to
know better than to do that" con
inually. If it repeats this marital
catchword over and over again all the
( evening, so. much the better.
Next, get a dog- that growls when you speak to him, and that snaps at you
when you set a nice plate of food before it, and try to pat his head. Be very
careful to see that the dog Is a good growler, because most of the success of the
I dish depends on this ingredient.
Then add a rusty cash register tht shrieks, and moans, and threatens to
break into a thousand pieces when you try to get a nickel out of it, and that
hands out a penny when you punch the quarter lever. ,
Next stir in a cat that stays out at night, and that you have to ret up and
open the door for about 3 o'clock O. M., then add a chimney that smokes, and
. that blows the smoke in your face. x
Steep these ingredients In a sauce made of one barrel of miscellaneous ob
jections to everything you want to do: one gallon of acid criticism of everything
that 'you have done; one iurt of ridicule of your opinions; a bushel of chest
nutty Jokes that you have heard a million times, and that are. only brought
out when company comes, and throw In plenty of knocks of your family and
friends, and caustic remarks about how much it takes to support a family, and
what a fool a man is to get married. r : .-
Flavor this mixture with a beery breath, and spice It with poker games and
a little sidestepping, a rut set the, whole away in a cool place- In the house to con
get, fcnd ytwwtll'havi'i olsh of Mock Husband that ninety-nine wives but of a
hundred .could not toll from the genuine one they have at home.'
' Hock Husband Is a favorite article of diet with Bachelor Girls, many of
whom prefer it to the real article on the ground that Mock Husband never dis
agrees with them, or causes them any heart burning, or other symptoms of in
digestion of the affections. Also it is much cheaper than real husband, and more
nourishing. In proof of which they point to the fact that the women who live
en Mock -Husband are generally much better dressed, and sleeker, and have a
much less careworn and haggard expression than those who derive their subsist
ence from the genuine article. ., ,.
..Another advantage of Mock Husbandand Is that you do not have to partake,
of it at every meal, but can vary it with other things, whereas the housewives
who have Invested their entire budget In real husband are forced to consume It
dally, no matter how monotonous it gets, nor how tired they become of it.
Mock Husband can be highly recommended as a good substitute for real
husband, which is fortunate, as it becomoes harder . and harder to get the
genuine, and doubtless the time will soon come when the only specimens of
bona-fide husbands will be preserved in museums In alcohol.
1 M I
Ravings of the 'Koresh.
By EDGAR LLC1EN LARKLV.
Q. "While reading your article I dis
covered the word 'Koresh,' but could not
find the meaning in our dictionary or
three encyclopedias. Please give the
meaning." Ines Felix, Redwood City, Cat
A. Cyrus R. Teed (deceased) signed to
his name the word Koresh and wrote a
series of treatises, and called the whole
"Cellular Komogony; tbe Vniversology
of Korsshanlty; or, the Earth a Hollow
Sphere."
To quote from Teed:
"The earth la a concave sphere, the
ratio of curvature being eight inches to
the mile, thus giving a diameter of (,000
and a corresponding circumference ' of
25,000 miles."
The entire Copernlcan astronomy, now
based upon the most rigid mathematics
and proved to be true in minute detail by
predicting eclipses, transits, oppositions
and conjunctions for centuries to come,
and then beholding thera take place to the
minute, and even second, is totally dis
puted by these diseased men. '
Literature, ancient or modern, does not
contain the equal of this. Maay thous
ands of surveys from the time of Erathoa-
Headache Stops,
Neuralgia Gone
Nerve-racking, spitting or dull, throb
bing headaches yield la Just a few mom
ents to Dr. James Headache Powders
which cost only M cents a package at
any drug store. It'a the quickest, surest
headache relief la the whole world. Don't
suffer! Relieve the agony and distress
now! Tou can. Millions of men and
women have found that headache or neu
ralgia misery is needless. Get what you
ask for. Advertisement
thenes of Alexandria, B. C. 280, until now,
In 1914, have been and are being made.
Modem geodetic surveys began with
Heard in France la 1CT1. Then the most
eminent mathematicians founded national
geodetio societies. Arcs of tbe earth's
meridians have been measured from
Hammerfest to Austria. Europe was sur
veyed with microscopic precision; an ac
curate line eighteen degrees long was
measured in India, and in the western
hemisphere many more.
The United States government main
tains the highest geodetic, society in the
world. The accuracy of measurement at
tained has awakened the admiration of
the entire scientific world. These eminent
geometers have measured great arcs with
an accuracy down to millimeters, and
levels above the sea with equal precision.
The most delicate pendulums have been
oscillated In all parts of the civilised
world; in Jungles, on remote mountains,
on islands, in distant seas, in the Arctic,
In canyons and In mines. The variation.
and, therefore, the exact shape of the
earth, are known with microscopic pre
cision.
kU. S. Styles for U. S. Women'
Tins Is the Slogan of tho Patcrson Stylo Show of American Posifrns
Do You Know That
la 1801 there were only twenty-six Es
peranto societies in the world; ten years
later there were' over 1.000. Their litera
ture ' has Increased from twenty-nine
books la IMS to I.S0O In lilt
Now that the eeurl of Wemns h
passed away, the distinction of being the
oldest peer In the House of Lords falls
upon the duke of Grafton, who Just re
cently entered tua ninety-fourth year,
The earl of Courtown comes next sj
ninety-one, while I jot A Armlatead will be
ninety this year. In' Quick succession
come the vetereln Lord Halabury and the
Marquis of Abergavenny. The father af
the House is tho earl of Ducie, who has
been a member for sixty-one years. .
Pv' - p 1- FH'
"Fmthiom (Veen an Exaggeration
Madame Ise'bell,
"TAe Alh0lie 5s Af
Bttttr Culthmlion"
7mm
American dressmakers are now being
given a chance to prove the merit of
their designs. In Peterson, N. J., there
Is a style show at which module from
the best American houses are being
shown. And the Peterson silk, which
hat been used for so many gowns that
are supposed to be French in material
as well as In style, will now be ebployed
in exclusively American costumes.
The two models shown here are spe
cially designed Patarson costumes. They
express the Idea, "American gowns for
American women." . .
The first. Is of a lustrous black saUn.
There Is a military suggestion about the
top of the blouse, which is on Eton lines,
caught at the throat with a wee upstand
ing collar band veiled in dull gold lace.
This miniature Eton continues over ha
shoulders in a loose cspe that conceals
the high girdle in the back. This girdle
folds softly about the figure and shows
a triangle of whits chiffon cloth veiled
In the gold. The sleeves are of black net,
caught in by the wrist under gold bands. (
x- ivo upcrunroea kioudccs wun rouea
hems form the skirt.
'The second costume employs Bungundy
red crepe meteor, narrow silk brain In
shaded reds and cream shadow lace all
of home manufacture. A distinct mili
tary note la sounded In the Jacket front
and postilion back of the basque, which
Is set over sleeves, and a vest of the
lace on a. foundation of white satin. The
collar Is high and ties under two throat
bands of the crepe. Military braiding Is
employed about the armholes and to out
line top and bottom of the waist, and
again appears on the patch pockets,
whloh are set below the hips on the long,
ing a secret telephone system of which
full tunlo, which ends In a line of scal
lops with rlcot edge and buttons down
the hack with a fastening of velvet balls.
Tbe plain underskirt la round length.
& The Object of Life &
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX
A very woldly old woman once said
that the object of life was to love her
husband, to preserve her figure and to
enjoy life as well as she might
And that seems to coma fairly, near the
Ideal of every one of us, does it not. girls T
Only you must find your Darby and
make sure you are his Joan. . .
Borne girls think that the moat unjust
thing- In the whose mismanagement of
the world Is that a man can go about
looking for a mate, while a woman has
to wait for one to find ber. Probably
this t the greatest blessing Providence
Lhas bestowed upon us. The men exhaust
all their perceptions hunting, hunting-,
hunting and all the while the game Is
likely, to turn, about' and capture the
hunter without his having any idea what
has happened to htm. 'Women, have' only
to live like Brer Fox. observe tbe mascu
line parade as it goes by1 .and take the
man they choose. " The only complication
arises when two women fix on the same
parader. And the . only trouble and
tragedy comes when girls are so unfortu
nate or so foolish as to want a man who
belongs to some other woman already.
But the girl who cares sincerely for a
worthy man mark you, "a worthy man"
net some popinjay whose chief Joy in
life la winning hearts and casting them
aside, will win bun If she, too. Is worthy.
The real "objeot of life" is to select
and secure proper husband.
To acknowledge this, la not to sub
scribe to something unmaldenly'or below
the dignity of a fine glrL Don't ever
get to thinking that you have, a higher
destiny than mere "domestic servitude.'
as one very advanced gui put 'It to me
la a letter that J must quota,
Lorraine writes:
"Men don't like ' me any better than I
tike tbenv I used to have a lot of fel
lows, but I got thinking that I would
do better with my life than get married
and drudge In domestie servitude for a
husband and children, so I cut out the
boys and era working hard. So now at
9i I am earning ISO a week and am ad
vancing steadily. Don't you think I am
Just .rlghtr
My dear Lorraine, I think you are
Just wrong.
We are women, my dear girt, and It
la the lot of women to be wives and
I mothers. Many women are happy and
useful who are neither, but life prob
ably so shaped thslr lot, and they did
not, like you. withdraw and set money
making as a goal. -Aay
woman who baa the power to
Judge life- broadly and logically will
tell you that tho finest thing In life
Is to be. properly mated with a noble
man. This does not mean that you
must grow to be a husband hunter or a
scalp-hunting flirt. . The truth is that
men and women need each other to
complete and fill their natures. Home
making Is still the chief department In
life for the normal woman. And the
normal -woman marries because by her
sheer womanliness she charms and wins.
Whatever. yohr'-worlc in' lire,; go about
it. with-a,'.eontented and earnest' spirit
but do ' nothing that 4wlll unfit,- you ' f or
woman's, sujprems destiny, of .noble .wife
hood and motherhood. And don't fear
that you will have to be an old maid,
whether you like or not. If you are
sweet and ' Wholesome . and womanly.
when the man for you comes across
your hotison you .will know It. And your
natural womanliness will enable you to
do as much toward attracting and
winning him as his privilege of asking
the question and actively wooing you
permits him to do. -Men
without wives are hopeless, help
less creature and they know It And
the object of life Is happy marriage, to
ward the realisation of which wise nature
has decided you must do your full share
Don't water your gifts. Don't get Into
an. unfeml nine frame of rmna. As ths
sunllitht draws .the flowers, two natures
that are .properly. jnaUsd..wlll-eUraot each
other; and, you, wlll.se play your part
in the great stream of life,
Whet Is mesnt by "fashion?" When
did fashion begin? la It a law Imposed
on the many by the few or Is It a law of
human nature? These are x Interentlng
questions.
The Instinct
r ' , to improve on
" ItV nature, or at
' V4 least to change
nature Is easily
r.y traced back to
primitive racea.
The African
tribes, accord
ing to the re
ports of travel
ers, enlarge the
sire of the lUs
b y mutilating j
them, stick darts through the nostrils
and' rings through ths ears, and some
tribes chsnae the shape of the head by
bandaging It during infancy. The Amer- j
lean Indian painted his face, the Chinese
iom)i eneed the feet of their women, and
so on. If we study the hablta of past
rlvllliatlons we find everywhere soma at
tempt to pervert the normal or to call
attention to some anstointeul peculiarity.
When we look at the history of modern
civilisation we find many cases of per
versions from the lovely. The fact that
the atandard of beauty aeems to differ
In different ages and climes Is often used
as an argument to excuse freak fashions
we will like them when we get used to
them. As a rule we rarely have time
to get used to them, so quickly are they
followed by some other phase of the
changing modes.
There Is, after all. only one enduring
standard of beauty and that la. healthful
nature. We admire the roae because It is
fresh, unsullied, without mar or hlemlah.
Any taint of disease, of abnormality In
beast or vegetation and bol'.i are die-carded.
The human figure in youth and health
Is the standard of beauty, and any fash
Ion that does not develop so as to pre
serve and protect these lines' Is devoid of
aeathetlo qualifications. The crinoline, the
bustle, the hour gless corset, the fashion
able modern shoe are fsshlons thst dis
tort nature and are nothing more than
examples of abnormalities imposed on
women by om invisible despot
Is the civilised world in this respect
very far removed from the savage T Crin
olines' and waist compressers have for the
moment disappeared, but this last year
women not the best clsss certslnly, but
a sufficient number to attrsct attention-
have worn colored hair and made up
their faoea with tinted paint and powdee
that did not In the least pretend to sup
plement nature. Barbaric 'and ugly, we
all agree after the fad la over. But. un
til women develop a higher aesthetic
sense in regard to clothes,, we can never
be sure that the next whim of fashion
may not be equally ugly and abnormal.
Household Hints
When cooking apples always put a
pinch of salt with them, they will then
be most tender.
Pickles may be kept from becoming
mouldy by laying a bag of mustard
on the top of. the pl!kle Jar.
Water In .which, potatoes have been
boiled Is the best thing with which to
sponge and revive' a 'silk dress. J
A very little glyoertne smeared -around
the glass stoppers of ..pottles ' will keep
them from sticking for a long lime.
Knlvee can be rleaned la half ilia usual
time ' If the knife board be thoroughly
warmed In front of the fire before being
uaedv '.'.;::" IV"
To render pork .usage more--digestible
thoroughly prick tho sausags and 'plunge
Into boding water for five minutes. Then
fry- In-the usual, way. ' '. , i.
The Woman
Who
Wouldn't Be
Happy
Advice to .ovelorn
, ..- By BBATSXCng WAXmvax 1
'. Be. on Tons' Dignity.
- Dear Miss Fairfax: I am a young lady
18 years of age and considered pretty. For
the past year my employer, a youug man
of S7 year a, has been courting me, declar
ing his love frequently. I do not know
whether he is sarlous and ask you how I
can find out his Intentions, aa I lova him
dearly and think It a waste of time If his
intentions are not marriage.
. bRUNKTTE.
when an honorable man tsiis a girl lie
loves her, it is understood that he wishes
to marry her. Unless . your employer
snakes his honest Intentions clear you
afeould be on your dignity. Don't let him
eel that you are hie Inferior or that he is
ndescendlag to you.
Helta-lea aai Love.
Dear Mlaa Fairfax: I am a young girl
and I am going with a young man two
years my senior. We love each other
dearly, but there Is a barrier between us.
I am a Cathollo and he is a Protestant.
I won't ask htm to become a Cathollo, but
I do want to be married by tlie priest. If
he wouldn't compromise with nte and
Just take enough Instructions to be mar
ried by a priest, should I try to forget
hliu? RKADB.K.
Tour case is not peculiar, but one of
frequent occurrence. Religion should not
baperfn!tter to defeat your love. 1 know
that there la a dlvergenoe of opinion on
the point, but the fact is generally ad
mltted that the marriage ie binding and
valid, no matter whether it be performed
by Cathollo or Protestant minister, or by
a civil officer.' Nor Is there anything in
marriage that ought to require one or the
other of the contracting parties to glvo
up hla or her religious belief. If the
Christian religion teaches anything it Is
that there are many roads leading to the
same heaven. Try to arrange the matter
with the man you love, but do not let a
mere difference In belief separate you.
How to Propose,
Dear Miss Fairfax: T am a vounsr man
Have been going with a young lady for
some time and wish to ask bar to marry
nte, hut don't know Just what to Hay.
Could you poat ma a llltlo alone this llnef
Tell her what you have told me. Be
frank and earnnsi about it, but do not
attempt tany set or nowery speech. You
will never be able to recall In after life
Just what you did ssy, but It will make
no difference If you get tho girt you love.
A Maa'e Carelessness. .
"I've hurt my wife's feelings again,"
said Mr. Meekton.
"Hy something you said?"
"No. 1 didn't say a word. But I got
mixed up In my recollection of which
parts of her speech culled for lausrhter
and which applause. Washington bur.
i
.-"
e- - op. (.
CVr!M':" , 3
Ily ADA PATTERSON.
"She never would be happy," said one
woman of another, and said it hot In
censure, but In pity.. , ,
The woman mho spoke la a woman of
many sorrows, but '
only those who had
known her long and
we'll would have
suspected It. Pov
erty hm until re
cently crowded upon
her heels. Her ton
snd daughter have
married unwisely.
snd, ss often hap
pens, not only the
person who made a
mistake must suffer
for that mlaiake,.
but so do their fam
ilies, Immediate and
remote. But worse
then these Is the
fsct thst her husband had heen tor most
of their thirty years together a drunkard.
The state differed In degrees, but al
ways It wss there, a heavy ilack-pall
upon her life. I think ehe would have
gone mad If she hadn't tried to be happy.
And aha succeeded, partially enough, at
any rate, to keep her face smooth and
rosy, a pleasing, wholesome mask for the
dread and anxiety within those tenants
that nevsr lefi her breast. -
We were walking along ths neat boule
vard of a young suburban town. '''Aren't
those red leaves beautiful T' she said,
smiling at them, as though at the face
of a friend, and when a chubby cheeked
babe passed, us In a, peramhulator she
tossed him a shrub and thsy laughed a
gurgling little laugh together. This
woman t noticed never talked about the
past. I spoke of the trait onoe and she
said: ."No... I won't Join the grave dig
gers." .When we turned the corner where
stood her home a shadow crossed the
rosy face. The dread was stirring in her
heart. Would her husband be at homo
and It there would his face have the
tell-tata flush and his eyes tho uncer
tainty that so often accompanied his
return from the city? But It wag driven
away the next Instant by my remark
about his Isst esse In court.
"I have heard that hla plea wag bril
liant.. Tou must be very proud of him,"
"Tea." she said, "I have always been
very proud of my husband." .'. i.
I watched her go .In at the door and
close It behind her, and I wondered
whether the dread and anxiety had been
realised. J3ut at any rate she had en
Joyed the stroll In the autumn sunshine.
She had laughed for a . happy moment
with the chubby-faced baby. And aha
had dwelt for an Instsnt'on the man,
her msn, at his splendid best.' She had
tried to be happy. 8he had been on a,
little vacation of the spirit and. been for
the time refreshed.
The other woman had not born a tenth
of the weight of grief of this brave soul.
But she had chafed and ' fretted and
scolded and whined away her strength to
bear the load allotted her. At last the
doors of a mad-house had closed upon
her. Her friend's words were the epitaph
of her sanity.
'Hhe never would be happy." (the had
strained toward a goal of her ambition as
wildly and has suffered as over-trained
athletes do. They have runner's, heart.
Mho had runner'e over-turned brain.
Happiness isn't a state of things that
surrounds us. It is a self -formed habit.
We can train ourselves to happiness. We
can learn to enjoy the vividness of the
leaves in autumn, the laugh of tha pass
ing babe, the best traits In the worst per
son we know. It Is good to . remember '
these sunshine spots when the final
gloom engulfs us. Let no one say of you
or me when the race has been run:
"Bhe never would, be happy," ' . ;
IN a dry cCmsta, ot k dry weather 'anywhere, the ikia beconM '
drf tad parched, rough and wrinkled. To correct this eo
djtioa I Tri willingly for om mend mjSh'm FltU Wrml)
Asses, h b Ueal lot ausasgiof fas k eauruhet the assocs,
al the sih and abuteratiag the wnaklsa, and keeping the iaes
(Jump sad wall rounded. , , -
. . : c -
Mm. ZmUTt SUm Fi -U UVraJU. Pe b sooting
ad heoaocial to ge tired sad strained facial muscles, aad sika it
rubbed fend iuto (he siia lbs) coejpUoosj radiate whsUsie
W.tcV. or tVi Beautiful Red Pckj on
DitpUy in All Leading Store. T :
Madk srr mmk. i sere ell. th wooiD-a most famous bkautt exmr
Trixie Friganza ZE- ''
S lasTtbgsssl'-oedsssi
sbsckBWMrf.
AfssS. l'imil u Tmrh
I fees) a sjy saiUs
Assess aaeonir,
?! f?
r
