Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, July 25, 1914, Page 6, Image 6

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    THE BEE: OMAHA, SAT 1,'liDAY. JULY
1914.
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THE . OMAHA DAILY BEE
FOUNDED BY EDWARD ROSEWATER."
VICTOR R03EWATER, EDITOR. """
The Bee Publishing; Company. Proprietor.
I3KB BUILDING, FAKNAlt AND BEVKNTEBNTH,
Entered at Omaha postofflce as second-class matter.
TBHMS OP SUB3CniPTION. '
By carrier By mail
per month. ptr year.
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Dally without Sunday....' c 4.00
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Pend notice of change of address or complaint of
irregukirlty In delivery to Omaha Bee, Circulation
Department.
TIKM ITTANCB.
Remit by draft. e xpress or postal order. Only 'two
rent stamps received In payment of amall ac
count!. Personal checks, except on Omaha and eastern
exchange, not accepted.
OKFICE3.
Omaha-The Dee Building.
South Omaha StlS N street
Council Bluffs-H North Mnln street.
I.lneoln-as Little Building.
Chlcago-COl Hearst Building.
New Tork-Hoom HOG, K Fifth avenue,
fit. Loula-Mfl New Dank of Commerce.
Washington J25 Fourteenth St., N. W.
CORRESPONDENCE). "
Address communications relating to news and ed.
torlal matter to Omaha Bee. JMItorl&l Department.
JL'XE CIRCULATION.
52,662
Slate of Nebraska. County of Douglas, ss.
Dwight Williams, circulation manager or The. Bee.
Publishing company, being duly sworn, saya , that
the average dally circulation for the month of June,
13M, was 62.012.
DWIOHT WILLIAMS. Circulation Manager.
Subscribed In my presence and sworn to befor ma
this 7th day of July, 1114.
nOUEBT HUNTER, Notary Public
Subscribers leaving Uio city temporarily
lioiUd have The Beo mailed to them. Ad
dress will bo chantfed as often aa requested.
It is going to take a lot of sugar to sweeten
Louisiana agnlnst Mr. Wilson's tariff law.
And yet the Jones case is not calculated to
help ,the Nebraska, plo-counter deadlock very
much.
The truth is Xochlmllco, the Httjo suburb of
Mexico City, is a beautiful spot, And should not
be misjudged by its name
Our water bills are to bo made out hereafter
subject to 32 per cent and 5 per cont off.
Reads llko a furniture catalogue.
Vifla reiterates his statement that ho does
not wish' to become president of Mexico, There's
one man who is apt to get his wish.
Credit Colonel Manor for demonstrating that
'a candidate can use as many words to tell why
ho quits as ho can to toll why he starts,
The moment tho Wator board boss throw his
hat la the ring for political favor it was a cinch
wo -would get another water rato reduction.
Old Mlc&wber would pour out tho last liba
tion of his soul If he could but witness tho tri
umph of his fine old policy of "watchful walt-
lng." ' ' w i
Tho "dull ioason" is otherwise enlivened bv
the Calllaux trial in Franco, tho homo rulo
hubbub In England and tho Mexican turmoil lm
America. ,
Tn tho moantlmo, water users In Lincoln,
only fifty-five miles away, pay only IB cents por
1,000 gallons aa against a chargo 50 per cent
higher Jn Omaha.
Who sent McQlnty to the bottom of 'the uoa
Is still shrouded in doubt, but wlfo knocked
'Tommy" Jones over tho ropos wlllnever be left
open to question.
To a man up a troo it soomo that Mrs. Pank
hurst has ono on tho king, in prosstng nor do
raand for a personal interview on tho ground
that ho invited sevoral malo militants to confer
with him.
President Wilson charges that our demo
cratic senator from Nebraska, as usual, actod
with the republicans. Well, he was a repub
lican moro years of his, llfo than he has pro
tended to be a democrat.
I Congressman Witherspoon of Mississippi
was absent from tho house four dayB and re
turned to the treasury $82 for tho time. Will
the precedent be followed by those of his col
leagues, who ar absent most of the time?
1f President Wilson is looking for timber to
conipleto the federal reserve bank board, a few
hungry patriots might bo found among our Ne
braska democrats willing to sacrifice themselves
on thoir country's altar in exchange for a $10
000 salary. '
Edgar Howard announces that ho will have
harmony In the Columbus convention if he has
to fight for it. And playing the game on the
homo grounds he ought to have quite an advantage.
The firemen's tournament continued according to
program, except that tho Thurston. were barred out
of competing for the ataU champlqnthlp. Jn ,b.
vwlnr a ball was en for the visitor, at Crounse'.
hall and attended by nearly 350 couples. vrounM
Lnlon Paoiqca to the tune of II to 0.
Bishop OXonnor has promulgated a rulo requlr
tg all marriage ceremonies to be solemnised only In
the monitor. r
Oon of civil service appointment In the office- of
Treasurer Wyman at Washington.
News comes of the marriage at Niagara of Alfred
Montnwrency of Omaha and Miss Matilda. Phiuip.
ildest daughter of Ilev. t. A. Phillips.
Judge Mcculloch performed a double wedding at
th. oounty court, the happy couple, being- Mr. Lee
u - .?""?'. "nd M,M lMn ot ""!. and
Omaha , ' M'M Mft,tU lMng' bolh ot
VitrherVfa,birIX,renltn ' ,Uvenport to
Mrs. Josephine Eagan and Mis. BtacU Crowley haw
Tund from a visit In Papllllon.
MU Annie Scanneil ot C hicago Is th. guest of hor
m Aussie.
President Wilton's First Setback.
Tho forced withdrawal of tho Jones nomina
tion for federal reserve bank director Is Presi
dent Wilson's first real setback at the hands of
congress.
Until now he has been able, though only by
much pulling, hauling and pressure, to put
across everything ho has proposed, and as party
schoolmaster has managed at least to control, if
not to subdue, the unruly democratic pupils.
The appointment of Jones proves unfortunate in
several ways not so much with reference to
anything the president has directly nt stake as
In disclosing him bent upon favoring personal
friends and campaign contributors regardless of
qualifications and proprieties, or, more pre
cisely. In Ignorance of both. What must be
most embarrassing In tho Jones matter must be
the contradiction by Mr. Jones of the statements
made by tho presMcnt to justify his selection.
The fight over Jones, of course, was a fight
between the president and certain senators of
his own party for the spoils of office, and tho
outcome must tend to encourage further clashes.
Incidentally, thq urgent need of getting the new
bank under way, which last December we were
told must not wait another moment, has been
wholly overlooked, and the new banking law,
whose Immediate oporatlon was required to save
the country, has been practically suspended at
the plcasuro of tho administration.
New York Still leads.
The government's 1914 estimate of popula
tion, which is based on tho percentage of previ
ous growth, shows, contrary to many predic
tions, that Now York is not losing anything to
Chicago In tho rnce for supremacy. New York,
according to this estimate, now has a population
of 6,333,537, Chicago 2,393,325, and New
York's gain slnca 1910 1b larger both in bulk
nnd percentage. Chicago has made an 8 per
cent Increaso, Now York d.0.
Of courso, thoro Is always a chance for Inac
curacy by this method of computation, and yet
It ought to prove as fair for ono city as another.
In any event, thoro Is little on which to base the
prediction of Chicago's passing Gotham as the
American metropolis for many years to come.
These figures still show St. Louis aa fourth
city in tho land, but by an increasingly precari
ous margin. Both Boston and Cleveland are
crowding it hard. St. Louis in 1910 led Boston
by mora than 16,000; according to the 1914 es
timates It leads It by only 8C5. Clovelnnd,
which comes next to Boston, has almost doubled
the estimated gain of St. Louis In these last
threo years and a half. St. Louis is not insensi
ble to Its Insecurity as fourth city. Its newspa
pers have rccontly given expression to that In
appeals for an all-togothor pull to maintain that
position. That was ono of tho strong argu
ments used In the lato city election for tho pas
sago of a new charter, under -which marked
progress Is promised. Tho people of the mlddlo
west are pulling for tho conservative old Mis
souri metropolis, but should tho relative esti
mated percentages of growth continue for tho
remainder ot this decade, then they will have
found that they pulled in vain.' Natural condi
tions certa!hly should be. in favor of St. Louis
as compared with Boston in this race.
- . 1 -
"Glory Hallelujah!"
"Olory Hallelujah!" exclaimed Senator
Hitchcock, according to press dispatches, when
tho Information roachod htm thnt tho president
had withdrawn tho appointment over which ho
has been fighting tho administration.
Whatevor "glory'' attaches to successful
democratic Insurgency, of courso, must bo con
coded to tho senator thus scoring a great victory
as a champion of the downtrodden people.
But one thins remains to cap tho climax.
"Glory Hallelujah' must be written into tho
platform soon to bo framed and promulgated at
Columbus as the edict and clarion call of Ne
braska democracy.
Tho Case of MoDermott.
Congressman McDormott, tho democratic
member from Illinois, who has just boon run to
cover by charges of misconduct In office, very
naturally falls back upon his right to appeal to
tho voters of his district at tho noxt election for
his vindication. That was about all that seemed
to bo loft for him. Sulzer, It will be recalled,
availed himself of the samo old device. So dtd
Larimer.
If MoDermott -waB innocent of any wrong
doing ho mado tho most egregious mistake In re
signing. No innocent man, no .matter whether a
mombor of congress or not. should resign undor
flro. The fact is that tho charge preferred
against tho Illinois congressman, trading his
official Influence for porsonal profit, is looked
upon as indefensible, no longer pardonable by
means ot tho cleverest halr-spllttlng pray upon
words or facts. Progress has been made so
noticeably ot lato yoara along those lines that
tho country may rojolco that what once passed
as tho unquestioned right ot cunning officeholders-
is no longer oondonod or tolerated.
Why This Humbug t
The latost order on wator Tates provides for
continued rendering of bills to Omaha water
.users at the price of 36 conta a l.OOO.gallons, as
fixed thirty years ago, but with a discount of
33 per cent and 6 per cent
Figured out, tho roal water rate is to be
22 H cents per 1,000 gallons, but to fool the
peoplo Into the notion that they are gettlug
something that can be called a "dividend" the
bills are to bo mado out in this Chinese puizle
fashion despite the added cost of clerical and
computation work.
What reputable business Institution would
perpetrate such n palpable fake?
How Jqng would the gas company or the
electric lighting company be permitted to bam
boozle their customers in that fashtont
Why the humbug except to make personal
capital for the political boss who runs our water
plant as if it belonged to him?
At the meeting of the democratic county
committee, bo we are told, all spoke "encourag
ingly" of local indications for democratic suc
cess this fall. It must have been a wet blanket
if tho candidates could not do better than a
courage one another.
If any ono ot Governor Morehead's ap
pointees should hold perpetually regardless of
political changes, why not all his appointees
ho claim to have made good? And why not
Morebead himself as well as Moorhead?
Xrlaf contributions on timely
torloc larlted. Th Bh assomaa
a responsibility (or opinions t
eorrespoadsnta. All latter .ab
ject to condensation kjr dlto.
Sufrrnsrlsni (irlppeil hy l-mlnlmT
OMAHA. July 14. To the Editor of
Tho Bee: The suffragist claims she only
wishes tho vote. The feminist openly
aims at a revolution of home and state.
A generation back the Woman Christian
Temperance union leaders pleaded with
men to abolish tho saloon. Feminists
were few and modest. At times women
like Mrs. Cady Stanton severely criti
cised the scriptures, St. Paul In particu
lar. Mrs. Stanton's "Woman's Bible" be
came a flxzle. Women of America had
nt that time a mass-consclousncss of
reverence for the church and the Bible.
A feminist frr love advocate dared not
openly volco her doctrines of socialised
Immorality.
Then came the suffrage movement, In
full force. With Increased criticism ot
the Dlble and St Paul especially, a cer
tain modesty was preserved. The lustful
fre love women leaders of women had
their corrupted thoughts to themselves.
The flro only burnt within them. Our
magazines and papers still observed the
glorious American boast of honoring
enly the good worrian, the woman whose
vole was not a seductive siren, but a
champion of clean morals and a Christian
civilization. Give- us the ballot and we
will throw our tremendous Influence di
rectly Into public life, so they said, lien
nnd women were carried off their feet
In adoration of the new Idea. Men, these
Immoral, wretched men had mined the
world by their comnterolal servitude to
the powers ot vice. Women would mako
tho world clean. The dens of vice would
by woman's vote be eradicated.
And then came, and here It Is, a suf
froglsm led by nameless creatures of
tho type of -Mrs. Gllman, lnes Mllholland
(I let hor retain her maiden name) Mrs.
Belmont and others of like fame. The
good women, noble Jane Addams and
others are now linked, chained, bound
hand and foot to a party and an assocl
atlon of women passing rapidly Into the
power of the feminists, the free lovu
revolutionists, whose voice and counsels
are honored by the greatest magazines
of our land, the Atlnntlc, the Century,
McClure'a, Harper's Weekly and soon all.
(Novels of America, once clean, now rovel
In cultured filth. I mention the free
lovo conclusion, In glowing and ardent
terms, of Margaret Deland's "Iron
Woman" n or ot the astounding ex
amples without number of the type of
literature scribbled forth, to bo silent
about the production read in tho dally
press anywhere.
This la feminine evolution needing no
millions of rears, but only, my In round
inumbors, ten years. Suffraglsm
nrlpped by feminism? Will any one daro
to dny tho historical fact before the cyea
of all but Idiots? Oh. it la true, masses
of good women remain. But how can a
Jano Addama endure to sit In the coun
cils of tho Mrs. Qllmans, tho Mr. Bel
monts. the Jncz Mllhollands and not
thtlvel upfront the Xlre of burning shame
and consuming anger, such linger as
Used to be the world-compelling maJesCy
of wpmanklnd ages before woman suf
frage was thought of?
But theso noble ones. Jane Addama
and the rest, seem doomed to be
drowned out together with their doubt
lessly abhorred fellow-workers. It Is an
appalling situation. The women of
America read with hunger and glitter of
eye the namcleasly Immoral writings of
Ellen Key, llosa Mayrtder, Edna Kenton,
Incs Mllholland and their lnnumerablo
comrades. All our magraslnea soon feast
on articles of tho demtmonds spirit.
Must men put on the Iron glove? It
almost seems so. Ah, but wo know that
still wo have, women who refUBO com
pany with those feministic creatures. God
bo "praised for every such voice, every
nrtlcle written, pamphlet published, very
organisation (founded to combat the
femlnlstlcally debauched suffraglsm)
pleading for the rescue of woman from
herself.
Thp race war seems advancing by
means of surfragism. Race war, why not
honestly say lust and Immorality war?
AVho will bo the chief sufferprs? The
Christian church, creator ot a Christian
civilization, and then woman, who, while
sh preaches rrian-hate, advocates freo
lovo through all the organs of public x
prwslon. press and forum.
After the new French revolution of
feminism and a new guillotine era, somo
good will come. But on the ruins and
after them, what? Tho ono and the
only hope, Christian womarfhood and
Christian manhood returning with the
penitent tears to tho reviled word of
God
If any one wishes to reply to tbeoe lines
they are welcome. But they must not
forget the Implacable logio of Christian
truth and history. With others it seems
useless even to discuss. If we wish tho
revolution, grim and bloody, let us rush
on with the mad woman of the age. If
not let us pause and take. Into our coun
sels the men and women who have left
some reverence for the eternal God and
UlIs word. ADOLF HUL.T.
Pastor of Iramanuel Lutheran Church.
In Other Lands
Receipt Tflth Thanks to Jerry.
PIHUADEWIIIA, July a.-To the
Editor of. The Bee: Permit me to ac
knowledge the receipt of your letter en-
losing your check for five () dollars,
being the contribution ot Jerry Howard
to the fund In aid of the Irish NaUonal
volunteers.
1 thank you for your courtesy tn for
warding this amount, which I have en
dorsed and made payable to the na
tional treasurer, Mr. Thomas. B. Fltzpai
rlck. 104 Kingston street, Boston, Mass.
May 1, through you, thank Mr. Howard
and depress the hope that his example
will be Imitated by thousands of Ne
braskans. I presume you win be astonished to
know that during these past years, while
Mr. Redmond and the Irish parliamen
tary party have been fighting so splen
didly and so auccessfully the battle for
self-government, no aid whatsoever hoa
come from the great state of Nebraska.
The Irish people are on the threshhold
of victory, and the battle as waged br
Mr. Redmond and those .who aid him de
serves the support of every self-respecting
man ot the Irish race.
Again thanklnr you, and asking you as
a liberty-loving paper to open your col
umns for others to do as Mr. Howard has
done, and enclosing you n copy of the ap
peal adopted at our meeting on July lth
last In New York City, 1 remain.
MICHAEL J RYAN
National President I nited Irish League
of America.
War Clonila Orrr Albania.
It Is quite agreed among Intelligent folk that to get
anything approaching an adequate Idea of the Al
banian tendency toward strife on must turn to Al
banian history, which goes back Into the archives of
antiquity. The tribes of ancient times resisted all
attempts at subjugation, did not even so much as
acknowledgo a Supreme Authority, except during the
reign of Pyrrhua of Eplrus In the third century TJ. C.
and ion down these trlbea have kicked against all the
pricks of power. In the middle agea they were typi
cally obstinate In rebelling against the Turk, so they
have kept their country In a turmoil most of the
time. But this Is the twentieth century, and though
still little civilized, even holding to old forms of
patriarchal government, tho Albanians are entitled to
better treatment at the hands of wiser and stronger
powers. That Is what they are going to get, It now
seems. The latest proposal for the little country's
relief and redemption Is an International commission
of control. How It would suit Albania Is another
question. George Fred Williams, writing rrom Athens,
says a war may come with Italy, Albania or Turkey
as a result of the Greek policy of occupation. He
says that If this reported occupation is undertaken
with or without the consent of the powers It means
war with Albania and an Invitation to Turkey to
come In ton a double war. In the Albanian situation,
as In many others of some similarity In southern
Europe, the chief trouble seems to be that wherever
the powers approach It at all, they do so from the
wrong angle of self-interest, Instead of the standpoint
of seeking to help an almost helpless neighbor.
Press Used Asalnst Servln.
Servla la having ample opportunity to feel the power
of the press, which tho Atistrla-HunKorlan govern
ment Is employing as an Instrument ot offense In a
very persistent and bitter campaign against the
weaker country. The situation between them does
not mend a bit Indeed. It grows worse, If anything.
Austria-Hungary is able to use the press for this base
purpose because It comes so nearly controlling it In
Its 'entirety. On which point endless homilies might
be preached to Americans who may have grown
callous or unapprcclatlve of their own great boon of
a free press, it is apparent to Europe- that Servla
desires no war. Indeed, the Servian minister to Lon
don says It does not He says his country only too
keenly realizes its need "for peace, but nevertheless
Is averse to "pjace at any cost." Its exchequer needs
repairing, its Industries building up, its territories de
veloping, but after all Serva feels that It has some
rights for which. If pressed too far, it must fight. And
the question now being asked Is whether Austria
Hungary, realizing this sense of homage. In not try
ing to see Just how far it can drive the weaker
power.
Trenr-tiTo Stiles of Ships.
Here Is the gist of a dispatch from London, which
bears significantly on the much-mooted matter of
world peace: "A magnificent spectacle was witnessed
when King George reviewed the fleet at Splthead,
where twenty-two miles of battleships passed in re
view." Much waa made of the event. England Is
making aa much as It can these days of anything
having to do with the aggrandizement of Its naval
and military power. Proudly Britons cast a furtive
glance across the neck of water to soo how the dem
onstration strikes their good friends, the Germans,
who are also sprucing up their arms to the uttermost.
A friendly rivalry? Oh, yes, but a rivalry.
French nnd German Thlnklnsr.
M. Boutroux, professor of philosophy at the Sar
bonne, gave a lecture before the Berlin university
on the nature of thought processes among the French
and the Gtrman, which has attracted much atten
tion. He drew a striking contrast, dealing with the
subject broadly. The German of yesterday, he said,
was characterized In his thinking by Idealism, while
the German of today thinks realistically. But Instead
of being contradictory one to the other, he said,
these processes simply complemented each other. Ger
man thought was governed by Its conception ot In
finity. German alms In llfo were the union of the
Individual with the whole. That explained the ten
dency of Germans to speclallzo In their life work
The German, ho sold, found the French mind alter
nating between passive submission and avowed in
dependence, therefore the French character as fickle
and vasolllatlng. Despite the German notion of the
French as having but a negative genius, M. Bout
roux declared his mind was dominated by a positive
idea. The French Ideal was essentially human. The
professor took pains, however, to Insist that while
a union of German and French geniuses was not
desirable, that each nation Bhould preserve its own
distinct genius. It would be a good thing If tho
French would cultivate a tendency toward the in.
finite.
Twice 'Told Tales
A Teetotnler.
"The lato Shelby Cullom." said a Springfield vet
eran, "was a bad man to argue with."
"t argued with hlin once on war. He accused me
of being weakkneed in my principles. He said I re
minded hi in of old Cal Clay.
"He saw Cat rilling along home one evening, he
explained, full of applejack, and so ho said to him:
" 'Why. Cal, you told me once that you were a
teetotaler.'
'So Ah Is. Mors Shelby,' said Old Cal, 'so Ah a
Is: only, sail, Ah ain't bigoted.' "New York Tribune.
Deliberative ItrnorAnrr.
Some time ago thero was a homicido case in a
western court in which there waa considerable doubt
as to the guilt of tho accused. The trial judge seamed
to share the popular beller.
"Gentlemen ot the Jury," said he, In concluding his
charge, "If the evidence In your minds shows that
pneumonia waa the cause of the man's death, you
cannot convict the prisoner."
Whereat the Jury retired and In about ten minutes
the constable returned and presented himself before
the Judge.
"Your honor," he remarked, "the gentlemen of the
Jury want some Information."
"On what point of evidence?" asked the Judge.
"None, Judge," waa the rejoinder ot the conitable.
"They want to know how to spell 'pneumonia.' "
New York Globe.
Sniping Statesmen
Boston Transcript: It looks as If we'd
have to worry along without that "apolo
getic" salute.
Wall Street Journal: If our politicians
could be held for Ubel, there might be
less loose talk.
Detroit Free Press; What the business
mon of the country seem to lack most,
Isn't explanations, but orders.
Washington Star: Colombia may be
tempted to request some extra apologies
for this delay In handing It $25,000,000.
New York World: The disposition of
the democratic senator from Nebraska to
lock horns with the administration Is not
moro tq bo remarHed than his experience
in being thrown down.
Boston Transcript: The senators in
volved in that gold mine scandal should
congratulate themselves that John Skel-
ton Williams, the administration's pet,
was also Implicated In It.
Pittsburgh Dispatch: Senator Norris of
Nebraska seems to have drawn from the
Now Haven report that the law should
forbid railroads from buying up compel
ling lines. The, law Is required and It
Is furnished In the anti-trust act. We
do not need more law, but more enforcement.
down," explained the meek-looking man,
Buffalo Kxprcjs.
"They say those Mexican peons are
absolutely useless."
"Yes; I don't believe they're worth the
paper they're printed on." Buffalo Ex
press. "Why do you get the pretty girls John
first? Is thnt fair?"
"Best for all concerned," declared the
head of the school of stenography. "The
ptctty girl soon marries her employer,
and thon there's a permanent Job for
ono of the plainer young ladles." Pitts
burgh Post.
"Did you catch any fish this morning?"
"No" (scornfully).
I 'Well, you are truthful, anyway, which
et n t be said of all fishermen."
"As to thnt, perhaps you might have
called th:ii fish, but 1 wouldn't. The
biggest one I got only weighed twelre
pounds." San Antonio Express.
MY VOTE AND I.
Editorial Snapshots
Washington Post: There seems to be
no limit to the things now being said to
the governor of South Carolina.
Baltimore American: The lady mur
derer Just now Is In evidence as the
logical extreme the feminine militant.
Philadelphia Inquirer: It strikes us
tha those New Haven books ought to
make a valuable addltlpn to the Morgan
"art" collection.
Philadelphia Ledger: There Is nothing
to Indicate that a woman standi any
moro chance of being hanged In France
than In the United States.
Pittsburgh Dispatch: A woman is be
ing boomed for United States ' senator
from Colorado, but not In Colorado, how
ever, but In Newport, R. I.
Washington Herald: There Is a great
deal of lawlessness In Colorado, but you
must remember that women have been
voting In that state for twenty years.
Philadelphia Press: Senator Lane of
Oregon thinks we ought to enlist the
Indians In tho army. Well, not so
long as we can make crack base ball
players out of them.
JUST IN FUN.
Partlcular--I would like to hire a car
riage with only one. seat.
Llveryman-Oh. you'll find that at the
undertaker'. Pele Mele.
Bacon I see according to a Munich
doctor heat prostrations are directly due
to the reduction by the high temperature
of the salts In the body to a point below
tho required normal.
Egbert Ono should never get too fresh.
Yonkcrs Statesman.
"Didn't that man complain when you
charged him for a broken appointment?"
"No," replied the dentist "He said
breaking an appointment with mo Is
worth every cent it costs Washington
Star.
"Here, what's all this row about?'
asked the copper breathlecsly.
"Why, this Ttoman Is collecting money
for the pcaco society, and whan I re--fi'sed
to contribute eho knocked me
tWhen voting day comes round to me,
I wonder, what my choice will be''
So many names the ballots show
With scarco a single one I know.
I'll simply have to vote by rucm
And leave to luck my chance success.
For governor, my X goes down;
Til pick the man from my home town.
But how about lieutenant's place.
With such a i list that's In the race?
God only knows which one is best
This sight unseen, don't seem a test.
If sound of name, is any sign,
Albright seems most all right to mine.
Jor secretary of state.
One way to choose, Is go by Walt,
tor treasurer. I'd size recall
Tho' there is one. big as a Hall:
lfl.'irBer ,a Tecgarden size,
Tho' Weeping Water 's bad for eyes.
For auditor, use distance test;
Here's one that's Miles above the rest
Attorney general, work teat fills:
A lawyer chief In name. Is Wills.
School superintendent's yet to name:
Whitehead should prove old In tho game.
Commissioner of public land,
No name gives hint of whom Is grand:
So I won't vote for one at all;
Lest on the wrong, my choice should
fall.
Chief Justice, supreme court demands
A gum-shoe man, why not Brogan's?
Sommlsnloncr of railways, now:
hoose one that's Young, he might learp
how:
For young get old soou, anyhow;
And too old fogies, keep up row.
For congressman, Third district. I
So fond of birds, might Woodcock try.
But game laws are strict now, and so
To Splllman, I, In choosing go,
But can't decide to spill my vote:
The very one. I Avery, note.
I now reach local things and men:
How will I ever choose of them?
The easiest way out I see,
Is: vote for whom does most for Me!
Then tell them all, each got my vote,
As I don't want to get their goat.
Yet if 'My Pets don't get In-Oee!
I'll be Just as mad as mad can be!
Just think the chance to get your fill
And then some, from the public till!
If I had only thought a while,
I'm sure I should have tried to file.
For what's all office, but a chance,
To make the blessed public dRnce?
The man who flics. Is very wise
Ho knows, It "pays to advertise)"
CHAUNCBY L. WILTSB,
Fullerton, Neb.
You will have a
good laugh over
KIPLING'S
story'TheVortex"
in the AUGUST
SCRIBNER
FICTION NUMBER
BBl ILLUSTRATED. ALL NKWS-HTAMDI H
A car that is seen on the
streets and country roads as
often as the Ford must be
right or its very presence
would kill it. Isn't this posi
tive proof that the Ford is
right when it outnumbers
any other car anywhere
three to one? Over 550,000
now in use-have you yours?
Runabout $E00. Touring Car $550. Town
Car $750 f. o b. Detroit. Complete with
equipment. Get catalog and particulars
from Ford Motor Co., 1916 Harney St.
Against
People and Events !
Prince Louis of Bourbon, a cousin of King Alr
fonso, waa married In London the othtr day to Miss
Beatrice Harrington, a pretty London girl.
k Austen Chamberlain haa been returned to Parlia
ment unopposed from the West Birmingham district
for which hla late father sat for thirty-eight years. (
John Gardner Deals, founder of the New York
Newspaper I'nlon and formerly pert owner of the
Boston Post, died in Boston last week, aged "8 years.
While fishing In the Susquehanna river at North
umberland, W. E. Fleming caught a snapping turtle
believed to be 100 years old. weighing sixteen pounds.
A portrait of President McKlnley, presented to
the Methodist Central Hall at Westminster, London,
by Jossph Butler of Youngstown, O.. was unveiled
by Ambassador Page.
Andrew M. Pooley, an English Journalist, was
fined 1100 and Mntenced to two years' Imprisonment
on a charge of receiving stolen documents In connec
tion with tha Japanese naval Scandals at Toklo.
JOdward Smith of Cincinnati, former fire depart
ment lieutenant, retired because of a broken neck re
celved In a f're, saved two person from drowning
when their skiff overturned in the Ohio river
Substitutes Imitations
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tfcj?
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A
Y