0
I I 4 I 4
THE) OMAHA SUNDAY BEE
FOUNPEQ BY I3DWAHD RQSBWATElt. "
VigrOR nOSEWATER, EDITOR.
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Address communications relatlnir to ,news Jtnd ieol
torlal matter to Omaha Bee. Bdllolal Depsrtmrnt.
i-'EimuAiTy sunday c;rculation.
44,163
Stale of Nebraska. County of Douglas, as.
Dwticht Williams, circulation manager, of TheBee
Publishing company, being duly sworn, says that
the average fiunday circulation for the month of
February. 191 , was 44,163.
DWipirr WILMAMJ3, Circulation Manager.
Subscribed In my nresence and nworn to beforo mo
this 3d day of March 191 . .
BOHKltT HUNTER, Notary Public.
Subscribers leaving tlio city temporarily
should )mvo Tho lice mailed to them. Art
dress will Ims changed ns of tot) iu requested.
. jporo mttn'B,next .woto tho spring; hat. , '
Only ono mora Friday, ttio "13th, 'tills year.
Work of the Grand Jury.
After six weeks of onerous duty, the grand
Jury has completed Its w6rk and made a report
which Bhould open the eyes of tho public to el
ating ovlls and local conditions demanding cor
rection.
Tho observations with reference to the
county poor .farm, detention homo, city Jails and
police forces In Omaha and Sottth Omaha, pool
Halls and hotel flro hazards show that the in
spections made as directed wero by no means
porfunctory, and that tho problems presented
are, viewed from tho standpoint of humanl-
tarlsm and common sense, even though some of
the recommendations may ovoko dissent.
It is, hSwovor, In tho long Hat of indict
menta brought, and tho various charges on
which they aro based, that tho wldo scopo of
tho grand Jury inquiry is disclosed. Membors
of. tho Jury aro entitled to a special voto of
thanks for doing what no other grand Jury has
over dono so thoroughly before going Into tho
shady, practices of crooked lawyors, and their
accomplices, engaged In blackmailing and other
framo-ups for contingent feo division of tho
spoils, It is to bo noted, also, that this grand J
Jury has accomplished Its work In co-operation
with tho county attorney without roqulring tho
guidance and assistance qf a apodal prosecutor.
It may bo safely put, down that the grand
ury has rendered tho community, a most salu
tary service In helping to clear an atmosphero
surcharged with rumors of questionable transactions.
Tho cropk who gots into troubfo invariably
trleo to'blatno It onto srfmo pifo olso. '' "fc ' '
The chief danger of a drifting foreign policy
k that it may h.lt the rapids down the stream.
: "Quta thffjStago' for Ph6to Plays," sayaa
headline. Always on' tho move; those' actors. , .
' - I,, 1
t . i"i '' i- . ,
And now tho' graft germ seems to havo
ftorlfed.-u way into tho normal school board.,
Brazil is rich -enough to meet Mr. Bryan's
bost le'duro' figures. If It really wants to hoar
him.
After (ho next Yhlto House wedding tho
Cabinet will bo mord of a famify affair, .than
ever. ' ' ' ' ' 1
Evidently-Villi kas mot John Llnd. A re
port says he. has boon captivated' by tho "maxim
silencer."' ' '. ''
, m&o fan as .anyone knows; :IHram QUI U bUU
Jiaybr-ol.eijt of Seattle, not as yet having boon
again Tecalledt , ' ' '
How to Keep Communication Open.
What Tho Beo said shortly after tho visita
tion of our city by tho destructive tornado u
year ago.w.lth roforenco to tho need of under
ground wlro communication to prevent a , bit;
population center being completely cut oft from
the .outsldo world at its moment of greatest dis
tress, is being echoed la tho oast whore severe
utorms this month played havoc with overhead
telegraph and telophono wires and cables.
It is interesting to noto that tho officers of
the corporations controlling this communica
tion aro being quoted as realizing tho necessity
of, this step, and lotting It bo known that a be
ginning haB already boon made. Heretofore tho
tremendous cost of underground construction
lias, restricted tho burying . of wires to . small
areas in tno ousinoss contors or 'tno biggest
cities, but experience Is teaching that the cost 61
repairs and of rebuilding and tho loss of rovonuo
wlille wlros aro temporarily out of commission
constitute a largo offsot, growing larger overy
year. Resort to wiroless might fill tho gap
wero It not for tho fact that tho storm's, floods
and cataclysms that do tho damago likewise in
terrupt wireless communication, and frequently
doatroy tho wireless terminals, rendering H no
inoro dopendablo than tho other. . .
With underground conduit, trunk lines for
tho main thoroughfares, of communication, tho
danger would be forestalled, and tho possibility
of completo isolation of all our largo cities
almost whbny extinguished.
We fear it win be difficult for' the freckle
faced, girls to adapt themselves to' tho new rata-'
bow wig fashion. V( ,
n Every base ball fan 3n the country is-pursiw
fw.jHing Just'nowi
J ' ,'' I
(4 i i 'i 1 1 i. , ? -i
"darraiiisit; wlir 'Investigate. Well, - maybq
a little Jiumor w'llV n'ot bo out of place 'even hi
so grim a situation as this. - .
Miss Eleanor Wilson knows boforohand that
her affianced husband will bo In hearty accord.
with her father's administration.
Oh, it the, street car people could only havo
foreseen that'tho change of less that 1500 votes,
-would haVel-beaton the aoven-fbr-a-quarter ordi
nance! T t
I.wlll bo base Ingratitude for demonstrated
devotion and "unswerving loyalty ht ''Bom"(
Howell doedl,si6t.forca the World-Horald to treat.
TiMaaiirnr TTra vdnfci' irlniltv. , '
4 ' t I
II - '
"Billy" ryaa gives- 'beautiful boost to
J'Bllly" Sunday as1 an evaaEellstlo prator.'j
nBlliy" Sundky can send tho ball back-to "Billy'
'JJryan wlthoat a moment's hesitation.
v A votos-for-womon champion hoists -'thei
yarning signal that no woman's Job is safe from
men's intrusion except that of wot nurse. Yes,
X)ut what man's jbbvis safe frotn, woman's fn-
'truslon?
Nqw .that tho home rule charter is.no longer
,&t issue, perhaps sorno folks may take a saner
view Of that part of tho election commission law
'that disfranchises foreign born cltlienjs ? by tho
Wholesale. - , ;
f Tbv Chlcajjo Evening Post rises to remark
4at President Wilson is today tho chief
B&enherd of tiio democratia flock. But that
tstijlj leaves oUr' Mr. Bryan' lic'ad keeper of tho
aova-cote. ; ,r" -
AmasBador Pago. douUtlcssihas an expl&na
Hon thaCin-lie! Wh61f " BatlMaAtbry to thd
president -jmatafe-ilepartmenV otflplals, but-1;'
would bap bean '.much, better not to have said
anyiains-flo;pusi-eirpiainj-
"Every cloud haa a 8llve lining," Perhaps
tho failure of those bond propositions to carry
sates us -from being tho target for another
credit-smashing circular from the pea of Venner,
tho man with, the hammer.
Tho city of -Cleveland' ts to havo a f.50,000,-
000 Rockefeller foundation, tho Income to be
used for civic betterment and .municipal im
provements. Won't someone endow Omaha
with a foundation that will enable ua to keep
pace with .Cleveland?
Colonel George Harvey reminds us that
nearly a yMf aeo he picked Senator William H
Borah for the ,rpublican jrealdential jiomina
tten In 1916. ' Since C!oJohelrHarvey saw Wood
row Wilson first his prophetic genius makes
ttiks sit up and take aqtfc. . ' -
"What abcut an independent audlt-of -Water
ord finances and operations by a set
tjpert chartered accountaata? , The longer it 1
daJayedMhe longer it will bs Until Wfr have de
ixwdable figures for comparative exhibits
-which gains and losses may be measured.
mcnt coming under tho head of "what is every
body's business Is nobody's business." Tho
peoplo know In a general way that such things
as building laws and regulations oxlst in tho
form of legislative statutes and city ordinances
and that they elect or havo appointed certain
officials to Beo that these laws aro carriod out,
and thcro their activity ends. Thero is no
further timo to bo wasted on those things; work
Is to bo dono in other directions, so off go tho
forces of clvio reform. The result is sooner or
later .another appalling holocaust, with Its usual
attendant outbursts of sobs and grief and a
thousand and one proposals of how to prevent
such catastrophlcs, but never once a real, con
structive effort directed toward correcting tho
only actual source of tho trouble .7lth which it
in posslblo to deal ns a means of prevention.
Cities like ours, which aro steadily undergo
ing a process of reconstruction, with all this ex
perience and warning boforo thorn, owo it to.
thomselvcs to make as rigid as possible their
building laws nnd, having done that, to seo to It
-that they are rigidly compllod with.
The Need of-Team Work.
This Is a subject The Bee has frequently put
beforo its readers. It is also a subject that Jus
tifies constant hammering to drive the nail In.
. Every great forward stride that Omaha has
made In tho past has been accomplished only
by team work of its' enterprising and public
spirited citizens. This sort of team work put
Omaha on the map originally, and has kept It
forging to tho front. Unfortunately, however,
wo seem to have periods when lack of team work
comes Into evidence with consequent disruption
of tho forcos that ought to bo pulling together.
When people, whoso present and future depends
on tho growth and prosperity of tho. city, lot
themuolvcs bo sot at cross purposes Just to satiate
someone's lovo of notoriety or to satisfy some
ono's foolish prejudice, the whole community Is
hold back, and . never recurring opportunities
aro wasted.
What would bo particularly timely for
Omaha Just now Is a revival of the pull-together
spirit, a unifying ' movement bringing all tho
different elomonts Into better tune with ono
another and groator readiness to co-operate in
undertakings promising mutual benefits.
A Duty We Owe. 1
Regardless of tho ultimate fata of .the
literacy 'test, tho United States has an Inescap
able duty -toward the poor porson In a foreign
land likely to bo excluded if applying, for .ad
mission to our ports. It -shouldveee to. ltthat
th esq "peoplo aro, not decoyed into' breaking
homo ties and making other sacrifices to coma
JLo America when It t reasonably certain boforo'
they embark'that they cannot moot tho roquiro
monts of the now immigration law, .Secretory
WJlson. of the Department of Labor has pending
negotiations with diplomatic representatives of I
European countries for tho preparation of n
plan to afford exactly this protection. It con
templates duo warning to all such peoplo who
'tfavp no "VayrfinowlnB, especially In view of
thq iunurmisreprepcntations of tnoso interestoa
nololy in their' transportation, of their probable
ineligibility.
Whllo'wos havo, waltod until lato In tho day
to begin this good'wprk, It is not too lato to make
thVmosk 6flt. Our. government owes too much
'iromeveWBtanapolnt to tho European not to
do -ovstythtag in rlta power to protect him
agatnstVBUck rapacious, deception. It is hard
oijough forUioSove"iii)lble to entry to.Jurn their
backs' on; the horooiand and launch out on such
an uncertain vovagoi-for tho chance to hotter
th'bfr coadltlon lnkllfo, let alone those who aro
almos't sure toibo rejected at the port of entry.
'indeed, could a moro .pathetic picture bo drawn
than such & ono as this? Hero, for Instance, ia:
an en'tlre'famlly that has uprooted itself from
Its, native soil to como'to America and on land-
Jig .finds that one or two members fall -to pas
muster at the portals, Thoy have the harsh
alternative of all going back together or divid
ing the family, some to remain In the new land,
some to roturn under most dismal and disheart
ening, circumstances to tho fatherland.
In any event, the sacrifice is ' moire than
should bo. imposed upon them, bur country
must-'stand in tho light of condoning and con
niving at alien rascality so long aa it -falls utterly
to- prevent it, or at least do everything It can
to prevent It.
Personal Appearance.
Writing on tho subject, "Tho Value of Being
Nice," a seminary-professor engaged in training
young men for tho ministry, quotes former
President Patton of Princeton as saying to an
incoming class of divinity Btudonts, "Pray with
out ceasing and shave evory morning." "Pray
ing without ceasing," adds the writer, "takes
care Qf tho springs of power, but. a dally Bhavo
holps to maintain outward evidence of inward
grace. Because thero Is no spiritual grace In a
clean collar, somo' men igo upon thrj supposition
that thero is such grace' In a soiled ono. Fear
ing that carefully combed "hair may moan fop
pIshnesB, somo of our young mon affect tousled
hair."
Tho adroit curtain locturo to young preach
ers may well bo heeded hy men of other callings',
too. "Clothes do not mako tho man," buWhoy
help him -when properly worn. Personal ap
pearance counts fqr a lot today and It is a
compliment to out day that it does. Thoso who
study to be eccontrlo with the mistaken notion
that 'uncommon powers thrive only In such an
atmosphero usually succeod In Just one thing
making themselves conspicuous. Slouchy cloth
ing, and unkempt heads may be found upon
greatness, but thoy are no part of It.
1
by
' The Same Old Story.
According to St. Louis papers, it develops
bat reasonable precaution might havo averted
the wholcaalo -loss' of llfo in tho flro that de
stroyed tno Missouri Athletic Club building,
where. scores of men resided. The chief pro-
caution would have boon whatover was noces
sary to make the place fit for human habitation.
As it was, tho hazard is said -to have been-far
too great. In caso of fire, says tho St. Louis
Times, all having to do with the property the
lessees, owners, city officials and officers of tho
"association occupying U must have known
that it would prove totally unsafe.
So It is tho same old story of closing tho
barn door after tho horse Is stolon. In fixing
tho blamo for such disasters It is quite the cub.
torn to gloss over tho patent facts and pretend
to "believe ttiat It was all duo to more unavoida
ble acldent.
The St. Louis holocaust, llko many another
in other cities, stands aa a grim rebuke to'any
municipality permitting tho erection of build-'
ingrln-which human bolnga are housed on any
but the most approved fireproof plans. If one
'half the effort spent on some of the chimer
ical projects of civic reform "was exerted toward
securing none but thoroughly aafo structures
for such purposes thero would be less occasion
for mourning over our Iroriuois theater and
shirt factory and athletlo club disasters.
But this is one of the ospocTh of "city-govern-
MARCH IS.
Thirty Years Ago
vvorK is proceeding on tho Plant wnicn
Is to bo Installed by tho Union Stock
Yards company at South Omaha. About
soventy of tho 300 car loads of lumber
to bo used In erecting tho buildings,
fences, pens, etc., aro already on tho
tracks. The stock yards at Council
Bluffs are to be torn down, and the lum
ber used In their construction is to bo
used on the fences.
C. II. Hcndrl&s of the engineering
corps, doing the. work for the govern
ment In Yellowstone National park, Is
In Omaha and teUs about the work In
progress out there. He says tho snow la
Ix feet deep at Mammoth Hot Bprinffs
hotel, and every one snowed In.
During tho winter a new dummy train
la to be put on, making the trip from
The Monroe Doctrine.
The senate's prompt challenge of Ambassa
dor Pago for what he was roported to have said
In his London speech about tho Monroe doctrine
only goes to show how supersensitive Americans
aro of this cherished shibboleth when they think
Its name has been taken in vain. This is the
more striking because at tlmos we seem Imbued
with a belief that the Monroe doctrine is a dead
letter, that it has outlived its usefulness and
been discarded. All this, however, Is our own
privato affair. The moment we wish to recon
sider and rovivo tho Monroe doctrino as tho sine
qua non. of larger Americanism wo claim tho
right to do so.
Ambassador Page nor any other man, Amor
lean or not, has warrant for thinking that ho
can speak upon this precious subject abroad and
have himself thoroughly understood at home
or thero. In somo way or other his words or
meaning will be misconstrued. Ho may depend
on that. Though there be thoBO among us who
captiously declare that tho Monroo doctrino was
repudiated the day our troops stopped on for
eign boII In tho latter '30's, or that our attitude
toward Mexico is a mild impeachment of that
doctrine, or that wo havo rendered It nugatory
by past relations with tho rest of Latin-America
though all this bo true, let no one, American
or other, attempt to define tho Monroe doctrino
to a foreign people and expect to avert a turmoil
in tho United States as a result.
It there ever was a time when a clear and
definite Interpretation of the Monroe doctrino
seemed desirable It Is now, not only for our owa
sakes, but for our friendly relations abroad
Yet, how such an interpretation is to bo arrived
at la, 'another question. Latin-America, at least
the moat enlightened element of it, Insists that
reciprocal rights and duties between it nnd tho
United States are involved in the Monroe don-
trine; that, as a former minister of tho interior
in Nicaragua stated It some three years ago-
"Under this doctrine the Unltod States is re
sponslblo boforo tho world for tho destinies of
tho continent." Yet how alow our Latin
American neighbors aro to admit this principle
In practice. When it comes to a test the South
and Central American viow seems to be that it
Is purely a contrivance to cover territorial con
quest.
While this doctrine may continue to servo
its real purpose with us bo long as wo ourselves
aro In disagreement about what It Is, we can
hardly expect other nations to have a clearer
conception of it.
President Wilson's message on the Panama
canal Is pronounced "a classic" from a literary
standpoint by a prominent London editor. It's
dollars to doughnuts that it the message wero
opposed,) Instead of favorable, to the British do
mands no Londoner would ever have discovered
blassic qualities in It.
Tho man who thinks the world is on tho
toboggan and getting worse every day may bo
mistaking himself for the world,
lopkinxS Backward'
, 'Jhxsjjay in Omaha
COMPIUS root bee nui
T
T
mz w
Council Blutta to South Omaha, every
ten minutes and as much oftener as the
business may demand.
The Union raclfla will extend their
track from Summit to Gllmoro, and the
M'tssourt Paclfla Is figuring on an exten
sion from Qllmore to Papllllon.
8. IL Johnson lets It bo known that ho
Wants 3,000 yards of dirt at or near the
convent on St. Mary's aveuuo.
Tho Bee hatn an obituary on the death
ot lion John Toffo, once associated with
Colonel E. B. Taylor, as editor of tho
Omaha Republican, and member ot con
gress from Nebraska before Its admission
to tho union.
Twenty Years Agi
Fourteen representatives pi tne union
Pacific employes along tho'ljno filed into
the office of Qonoral Manager Dickinson,
whero the conference was to be held be
tween them and President Clark and
other receivers of tho road as to prelimin
aries for tho terms ot settling the wage
and employment dispute that had dragged
through the federal courts. The courts or
dered the officers to grant tho men this
meeting. President Clark, tickled the men
Into a good humor at the putset by mak
ing them a felicitous speech. Grand Chief
Clark, of tho engineers national brother
hood, -who had been hero to advise with
the men, left for the east.
While sowing at her machine, rather
lato at night. Miss Maggto Anshuts, 318
North Sixteenth street, happened' to an
accident that threatened 'her life. A. coal
oil lamp tipped over, Igniting her cloth-
trip and In a minute she was n. mass of
flames. Hurling 'herself against the door
In an effort to. get out of the room and
find relief, she fell on the threshold,
whero, attracted by the noise, W. Burt,
who with his wife occupied adjoining
rooms, hastened to see what was tho
matter. He and Q. L. Butter, another
roomer, did all they could to extinguish
tho flames nnd savo the woman, but not
until she had been dangerously burned.
Miss M. B. Smith, the efficient secre
tary of tho board of trade, was appointed
secretary ot the executive oommltteo of
the Interstate Irrigation convention.
It wa announced, that C. N. Diets, II,
v Cudv and their Omaha friends, haa
bv recent purchases, secured a controll
ing Interest In the Sheridan Fuel com
pany.
Ten Years Ago
John Bedell, former fire chief, filed a
claim of tl,62 with the city council for
back salary, he says Is due from tho
tlmo ho was dismissed by tho mayor up
to the dato ot his dlsmlssall by the Board
of Flro and Police commissioners. The
council forthwith gavo evidence of being
from Missouri.
In view of the Intended departure from
tho city of Q. W. Sues, commander ot
tha Millard BJfles and the refusal ot
TJiutenant Remington to assume the post
tion of commander, this organisation ot
tho National guards let it ho known that
tt mlcht go out of business.
A. B. Schockley died ui pneumonic at
his homo, 1918 Cuming street. He had re
sided hero for a number ot years and was
b. conductor on the street railway
Word was received from Tabor, la., ot
lhft death there of C. W. II1U. formerly
connected with tha Young Men's Chris
tian association In Omaha and boutn
Omaha. A wife and two children survive
him.
Mnrrlajro licenses were Issued to David
S. Marker and Elmlna M. Park, both of
Omaha; Bay Byrnes ot Chicago and Kaye
Vnwfill of Avoca. Ia.
The coroner'" Jury In the case of Harry
Connolly, killed in the railroad yards,
laid the blame for tho accident on tho
train crew.
Fascinating Proposition.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
If the French doctors aro right about
it which is doubtful the heat ot the
sun can be made to take the place of
food. Thero Is something fascinating
abcut tho proposition. Think ot the Old
Hnl restaurant, open from dawn to dusk
with meals at all hours and nothing to
pay!
Some Consolation.
Indianapolis News.
The discovery that Egyptian cotton
raised In Arizona Is satisfactory to the
British manufacturers ought to bo rather
cheering to thq ultimate consumer, and
even the home marketers may thus get
a glimpse of the silver lining in tne
tariff cloud.
Where the Cbarm is Lost.
New York World.
The distinction of being Income-tax
payers is shared by so many that most
ot the charm ot the prirUege Is lost
upon the man who haa never beforo
contributed his fair share toward the
support ot the government
Some K.ost Oat.
Boston Transcript.
Tho census, reports that 13,73S,toS,Sl
telephones caus were maae in tnu
country last year, and there would hava
been more If we had'nt found the line
busy so often
SECULAR SHOTS AT PULPIT.
Boston Transcript: Bev. "Billy" Sun
day who is now batting .450 In tho evan
gelical league, will find that when It
comes to tackling tho dovll In New York
City tho gamo will go into extra Innings.
Brooklyn Eagle: Three clergymen
were present at the dinner of American
wine growers, but curiously enough tho
parablo of tho vineyard was not once
mentioned In tho after dinner speeches.
Pittsburgh Dispatch: There Is some
foundation for the assertion that Indus
trial Workers of tho World church raids
are not more improper than tha action ot
foreign tourists who invade cathedrals su
masse and Interrupt the services. But
thero seems to be tho difference that for
eign worshipers won't object so long as
lector bills aro promptly paid.
Atlanta Constitution: "Iord send an
airly spring," prayed the shivering BIU
ville parson. "Not one with rheumatism
and tho earthquake chills In It, and
shakes -too frequent, but a clear spring
time of fish and freedom, hammocks and
happiness, with jest enough plowln' for
exercise, and timo enough to rest on the
river banks ot life and dream that we
are rich."
MAN WITH A HAMMER.
People you fooj easily soon get wise,
and hate you.
The people pay for the compliments
they receive from politicians in taxes.
Wo need more plain, simple common
sense and less extraordinary nonsense.
The people, like fire department horses,
run ns fast as they can to a false alarm.
There Is about as much reform in pol
itics as there-is justice in a court house.
Badlum la like the recall; a great deal
was expected of It, but when the test
came, It was about like other remedies,
thbugh more expensive.
The notion that a poor man Is the soul
of honor, while the well-to-do man Is
naturally disposed to roguery, Is only ac
cepted In socialism.
Instead of being the greatest lot ot
patriots in the world, aa' they claim, the
people of the United States are really
tho greatest lot of chumps. If they were
not chumps they would not so calmly
submit to being made fools of by tho
politicians. K. W. Howe's Monthly.
People and Events
MUSINGS OF A CYNIC.
Hard luck Is tho kind that comes easiest.
Trouble never dodges the fellow who
Is looking for It.
The man who buys his friends generally
gets stuck.
Faith may move mountains, but It take
work to tunnel them.
Fools and children tell the truth, and
generally at tho wrong time.
Experience teaches us the paradox that
the easy job Is hard to get.
Suspicion always finds what It Is look
ing for if It looks long enough,
Tho eyes aro the windows of the sou.
and overy man must look oUt for himself.
Any man who can make money can
make friends, but he can't always keep
either.
Some fellows will propose to a girt oa
their kneos and some on their upper.
Don't curse your luck. It's the hand of
fata that generally has a finger In the
pie.
It Isn't until they fall off that some peo
ple know which side of the fence they
were on.
It Is better to share your Joys than
your sorrows. Incidentally tt ts also much
easier.
In these days of tainted money there
seems to bo a difference between spot
cash and spotless cash.
Somo men are proud ot having de
saended from their ancestors, and others
boast of having risen above theirs. New
York Times.
PASSING PLEASANTRIES.
with Mr. Groundhog on the retired list
for the rest of the year, official weather
prophets can cheer up and look pleasant
John D.'s "first sweetheart" passed
away recently without sending a farowell
message to Pocontlco Hills. 'Pedrs she
never forgave him.
Tho "go-to-church" movement Is stir
ring tho depths near and for. Already tho
Prophet Daniel has made his appearance
in Paris. Other ancient reactionaries may
be looking for an opening. Brace upl
"A champagne thirst on a beer Income,"
an epigram old enough to boost of whis
kers, has been translated by a Texaa con
gressman Into "a limousine display on a
wheelbarrow Income" Tho translation
does not Improve tho mellowness of the
sentiment, but brings It right up to the
minute.
The tomb of Osiris has .been reVerenUy
uncovered at Abydos. O'Blris In Egypt,
O'Kuma In Japan, O'Shaughnessy in
Mexico, O'Brien In Omaha, O'Blon In tho
heavens! "Say no more" whispered
O'Shea'to O'Kelley. Time la too short,
apaco too limited to record what the world
owes to the Os."
Reformers in and out ot church societies
in Chicago solemnly affirm that any live
thirst In the city can be satisfied by going
In the front door ot a saloon and putting
up the price. Therefore they demand tho
abolition of the side door "family en
trance." It Is some job to put a straight
front on a crooked thirst
Clifford W. Hartrldge, one of the first
of Harry Thaw's lawyers, has been dis
barred from practice In New York and
condemned by the reviewing court as a.
man "unfit to belong to an honorable
profession." Clifford got next to Harry
early In the latter's troubles, got hand
ful s of Thaw's money and blew It In on
gaming tables and In bribing witnesses.
Occasionally knowledge or the law does
not savo shady practitioners from the
law's clutches.
Humiliation troops at the heels of Boa
ton and Its proud head bows almost to
the dust ot Commonwealth avenue. The
other day a lawyer In Paris, defending
the notorious affinity chaser of New
York, said: "If Earle la attacked vio
lently by certain people he Is valiantly
defended by others, notably by those of
Boston, the most literary city in the
United States. The people ot the latter
city havo rendered homage to his qual
ities." Poor old Boston.
'I understand you were crippled Is
Wall street"
"Quite the contrary," replied the man
who jokes about serious matters. "When
I went Into Wall street I had a hunch. X
got rid ot It" Washington Star.
Farmer!! Wife Yea. I suDDOsa I can let
you have a cup of coffee. How do you
tako It?
Frayed Philip With breakfast, pie&se.-
Boston Transcript
Strancar The stock In this jewelry
store seems to be Pretty low down. Do
you suppose I could get any sort of a
ring thero?
wag certainly. Kings are wings al
ways kept on hand. Baltimore American.
"There Is ono way In which women'
housekeeping experience will help them
at the polls."
-in wnai way r-
"In folding blanket ballots." Baltimore
American.
TnAeher rrommy. ran TOU tell me What
great men were born In February?
Tommy Georgo Washington, ADranaM
hog. Birmingham Age.
"I alius- did speck we wua gMneter. hob
somo kind o' botheration 'long o' deshere
democrats," said Erastus Plnkley.
"What's dey been doln'?" asked Miss
Miami Brown. .
"Btld o' goln along waltln' for plain
old 4-U-H. dey's gettln' up some game
dey calls 'foreign policy.' ' Washington
Star.
Tom I've seen the girl I want to marry.
I stood behind her at the ticket window
this morning "and she took seven minutes
to buy a 5-cent elevated ticket
Alice Did that mako you want to marry
her?
Tom Yes, I figured out that she could
never spend my Income at that rate.
Boston Transcript
Borrowhy Let's see, do I owe you any
thing? Bangs Not a cent, my boy. Are you
going around paying your little debs?
Borrowby No; going around seeing It
I'd overlooked anybody. Lend me five
till Saturday, will you? Boston Traa-script
They hnd been making hay while the
sun shone, and when they had finished
a high haystack the boy shouted from
the top: . ,. . . '
ddwn?i ... .
The farmer considered xno prooicm.unu.
finally solved It:
"Oh, jest shet yer eyes an' walk, around
a bltr Pittsburgh Chronicle.
THE NEAREST FRIEND.
John Kendrlck Bangs.
A man I know, and yet know not at all.
Is one who ever stands at bock and call.
Besponslve always to my slightest whim.
No matter what the task I set for nun.
My friend he would be, yet most truly ha
Of all my foes is my worst enemy
A riddle past all solving loving, warm,
Yet daily in some way he docth harm.
Control him? I have tried with some
success,
Yet often he eludes me, and distress
Incalculable follows in his train.
And leaves me face to face with bitter
pain.
His thoughts I know, and yet within his
soul
He carries as it were a mystic scroll
That, try how hard I mar to penetrate
Its meaning clear, I never can translate.
Why this good deed he does, or that of
111. I
The deeds that dull all hope, or haply
thrill
My heart and oul, I cannot comprehend
My enemy today; tomorrow friend!
With joy and shame, alternately, through
life
He's filled my days with happiness and
strife;
My love and hatred form his worldly
, Pelf,
This man I know, yet know him not!
Myself!
Sr5
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LIKCOLN HIGHWAY CONTRIBUTOR
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