THE BEE: OMAUA, THURSDAY, JANUARY 13, 1914.
6
Th OMAHA DAILY BEE
FOtJNDED BY KDWAUU BOSKWATKR.
VICTOR nOSEWATftlt EDITOR. .
UKJ3 UU1LD1NO. FARM AM AM) 17TH.
entered at Omaha rostotflca as second-
class matter. -
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OFFICES.
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CORRESPOh UENCK.
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Omaha Bee. Editorial Department.
DECEMBER CIRCULATION.
52,148
State of Nebraska, County of Douglas, ss,:
Dwlght Williams, circulation manager
of Tha Bee Publishing company, being
duly sworn, rays that the average dally
circulation for the month of December,
1U was M.HS.
DWIOHT WlLLTAMfl,
Circulation Manager.
Subscribed in my presence and sworn
to before me this 3d day of January, 1DM.
ROBERT HUNTER.
(Seal) Notary Publlo.
Subscribers Imvlnc the city
temporarily ahoaJd bnre The Bee
(nulled to thrm. Address will be
chanced as often ns reqnested.
It always did seem like rubbing It
In to have wash day fall on "blue
Monday."
The new year Is well on toward Its
second month, and King Moncllk not
yet reincarnated.
Those hungry Nebraska .democrats
will swallow akin, soed and all when
they finally land the plums.
Now, watch your tailor bill for the
effect of that 25 per cent reduction
in woolens as a result of the new
tariff.
Nevertheless, Nebraska corn will
fearlessly challcngo corn grown in
Argentina or in any other part of the
wprld.
According to advanco sheets of tho
president's anti-trust program, it
promises to bo characteristically a
gentlemanly affair.
Former Ambassador Henry Lane
Wilson eayi If Huorta vamooses
chaos will ensue. "Continue," ,ho
probably meant to say.
As tho caso of Thaw Indicates, It
is sometimes extremely bard to de
ttrmlnc the sanity of a 'man bur
dened with so much money.
Before electing the ex-traln robber
to the governorship, Oklahoma ought
to be sure It has no men avatlablo
who have never robbod trains.
Wonder If tho administration pro
poses also to go right past Omaha
and on to Lincoln with tho special
train that delivers the patronago
parcels.
"The
reached
change.
feminist movement baa
India." observes an ex-
Hero is hoping India may
he able to decinher It and let us
know exactly what It Is.
The two Itinerant cabinet officers
will listen to clalma of Omaha for a
regional bank If wo send a delega
tion (o Lincoln to present them
'f hanks for small favors.
Our old friend, Kdgar Howard,
goes into raptures over tho loyalty
and devotion of Secretary Bryan to
F resident Wilson. Now, whom can
he bo rapplnB by contrast?
At any rato, If the court clerk Is to
pocket tho fees, he ought to flnanco
the Young Men's Christian associa
tion school for naturalization ap
pllcants that brings the grist to tha
mill.
"1 desire to go to Albany without
fuss or feathers," said the Samo Old
Bill, on returning as an assombly
man. Yes, and let us hope he comes
away this tfme without political tar
and foathers.
Wo regret to report that since the
democrats have been In tho saddle
the Poetofflco department Is about
tho only department of the federal
government which seems disposed to
give Omaha a square deal.
What if that Spokane Judge, who
olfered, to knock an Impertinent lawT
yer's head off, were to clash wltfc
Missouri' attorney general, who told
a federal judge he rould not pollco
the state for the railroads?
One of our Omaha banks has just
increased its capital from $700,000
to Jl, 000, 000 out of accumulate
-surplus. It is still possible for
soed, live banker who attend strictly
to business to keep ahead of tho
game, -
Hurricanes In Nova Scotia, volca
nos, earthquakes and famines In
Japan, the severest winter, of a gen
eratton in central Europe, bad
storm Ib New York and the usual
erlute-r-mort weather In the Ne
braska, orange belt. Surely the Lord
Is geol to His own.
The Meat in the Cocoanut.
Tho current article In the unusu
ally Interesting and suggestive? series
from the pen of Lou la D. Drandols,
running in Harper's- Weekly on
'"Breaking the Money Trust," invites
criticism of the analysis of tho ab
sorption of tho Burlington by tho
Hill Intercuts. Mr. Drandols do
scribes tho method by which tho pur
chnso of tho Burlington was effected
by substituting 4 per cent bonds for
tho stock at two for one, declaring
that "the solo offect" of issuing these
securities "was to transfer stock
from one set of persons to another."
This in perhaps tho most striking ef
fect, but It la by no meant the "solo
effect," nor the most important
effect.
What tho absorption of the Bur
lington by the Hill people really did
was to change a contingent and va
riable chargo for dividends, on tho
then outstanding stock Into a fixed
obligation of interest on bonds. It
mado a perpetual lion on tho
earnings of tho Burlington equal to
S per cent atock dividends, capitaliz
ing 100 per cent of stock watering
into bonds. Previous to that trims.
action the Burlington might have re
duced Its dividends or passed them
altogether, whereas now, default on
Its bond interest) In wholo or in part,
would be signal for a receivership.
Tho transformation of stocks into
bonds, therefore, la not merely a pa
por transfer of ownership from one
set of persona to another, but tho
saddling on the patrons of tho road,
the, shippers and tho passengers, tho
consumers In the territory served,
with a perpetual Intercut tax on tho
inflated securities.
If Mr. Brandels will try to Imagino
this stroke of high finance taking in
all tho railroads of tho country on u
Htmtlar basis of converting stocks
Into bonds, wo aro sure ho will sco
the meat in the cocoanut, Just as did
Mr. Hill and hie associates.
The New Club Commissioner.
After surveying the field, the
Commercial club of Omaha has mado
a local choice to fill tho vacant posl
tion of commissioner. In bo doing
it has preferred a man acquainted
with our people, and familiar with
our city and state and their business
conditions, rather than requisitioning
an outsider with perhaps more tech
nlcal experience In promotion work.
but needing yot to acquire thcuro es
sentials.
The new commissioner, Mr. Man-
ley, will tako'up his duties with a
raro opportunity for usefulness to
the bUBincsB community before him.
Ho lioa mado good In other exacting
positions, and all of us who know
him wish him well and confidently
count on him continuing to make
good. ,
War's Desolation.
Tho blessings of pcaco aro often
best reflected by contrast with tho
curao of war. What It moans to bo
on amicable toons with tho world
may bo in part appreciated by con
Blderlng tho hundreds of millions of
dollars sunk In the Balkan war with
out finally settling tho crucial Issue.
And" now cornea Orocco, as a slnglo
Btato In the alliance, demanding a
now military loan of 9100,000,000.
But even those appalling condl
lions afford no ndoauato Idea of
war's desolation and cost In southern
ICurope, For a botter Insight let us
turn to those grim census reports
jUBt mado public, showing that In
Bulgarian-Macedonia tho malo popu
latlon was roduced by war from 17B,
000 to 42,500; In Bulgarlan-Thrnco
from 494,000 to 225,000; la Mueta
pha Pasha from 30,000 to 4,000.
Those figures surely are tanglblo
enough to make plain tho awful
meaning of modern warfare Let
tbem bo emblazoned In their most
glaring attractiveness betoro all the
world, for thoy proach a sormon
more powerful than all tho rhetorical
masterpieces. Thoy are oven more
persuasive than all that can bo said
of the Increasing burden of taxation
li European countries as a conao
nuence and a preliminary of war, for.
alter all, economic waste la uot to bo
compared to human life.
Tho proposal to stimulate new fac
torlcs for Omaha by giving tax ex
emptlon for a period of years come;
up again -as If it were brand now
Heretofore It has always bumped up
against a stonev wall In the form ot
tho coartltutlonal requirement that
all property without exception bo
nlformly taxed In proportion to lta
value. Before we can use tax ex
emption as a bait for new factories
we will hnvo to find a way to get
around our state constitution or tw
change It.
It turns out that Br. Anna Shaw's
deilance of the Income tax collector
does not contemplate forcible re
sistance or absolute refusal, but
merely payment under protest
against taxation without representa
tion. That's a horse of a different
color, for Dr. Shaw Is Just as much
opposed to paying other taxes under
these conditions aa she Is to paying
Income taxes.
That "employer" who thinks rals.
ing a man'a pay shaky business be
cause It may make a spendthrift of
tho laborer expresses exactly tho
thought of old Lord Berkeley, who
thanked God there were no publlo
Bchools and printing press In Ir
glnla, and would uot be "for these
hundred years," to creato sects and
discontent among tho people.
Iopkin$BacWarjp
"kj)ay n Omaha
cm nun rotm uc niu
JAXUABY 15.
Thirty Years Ago
The Omaha Glee club concert at Boyd's
was quite a society event. The active
members of the club, twenty-feven In I
nnmbtr, wera seated on the stage, nit tnj
tho inevitable black dress suits, each with
a tiny bouquet on' his coat. Those evok
ing special mention were, the director,
Franklin S. Smith; the accompanist, Mar
tin Cahn, and the special soloist, Miss
Hope ulenn.
A party of men made up In Chinese
costumes wre serenading a number of
saloons last night. Each place they were
furnished with drinks on condition that
they would not attempt to sing again.
A pleasant party was given by the
Metropolitan club at Masonic hall, with
about forty couples participating.
D. A. Plcrcy of the firm of Bradford
& Plcrcy, left for Prcscott, Ariz., for his
health, his daughter accompanying him.
Charles II. Brown lias gone on a three
weeks' visit to New. York.
Rev. E. P. Graham will deliver an ad
dress Wednesday at Tarklo, Mo., college.
Mr. George Keyes, train agent of tho
Unlpn Taciflc between Omaha and Coun
cil Bluffs, and Mss Annie Van Ormon
were married yesterday by Rev. V. 8.
Blayney at the residence of tho brldo's
parents, The bride and groom have been
active In musical circles.
Twenty Years Ako
conductor Mccracaen urea two snois
at two fleotlng footpads out at Twenty
fourth and Manderson streets, but they
disappeared In the darkness. The fel
lows had boarded his car down toward
town and rode until he got off at this
Intersection to switch the. trolley, It be
ng his last run for the night. They
commanded. "Hands upl" but McCrackcn
Instead ran for a nearby restaurant.
reaching port In safety, then turned to
fire at the disappearing thugs.
The newly organized Board of Educa
tion met for the transaction of business
for the first time.. Secretary Glllan sub
mltted his financial report, showing con
ditions nt the beginning of the year. It
showed the salao fund (or teachers to
be IST7.000, P6,916.78 of which had been
paid out. For fuel 111,000 had been spent
up to date, for text books tS,50O, xor. sta
tlonery and supplies ri.lOO.
W. O. Temploton went to Chicago on
business.
Miss Bose Decker left for an extended
trip south, expecting to visit St. Louis,
Hot Springs and points In Florida.
rtobert Vlcrllng of Chicago was lit town
attending a meeting of the directors of
thft Pnxton & Vlerllng Iron works. These
directors were elected by the stockhold
ers: W. A. Paxton. Robert Vlerllng.
Louis Vlerllng, A. J. Vlcrllng, W. A. Pax
ton, Jr. Tho most Important transaction
was the adoption of plana for a new
flvo-story building of steel, Iron and brick
north of the old structure on the Uur-
llngton tracks, costing about iiw.ww.
TVn Yflnrs A trn
Tho socialists were again ueieaieu m
iir atirmnt to secure tho reins ot
control In Central Labor union. Louis' V
Quye was elected president over tho so
cialist candidate, C. W. Adair. E. n.-
inland being eliminated from the con
test after three ballots. B. J. Keegan
was elected vice president; John Pollan,
treasurer, and J. A. Bradford, secretary,
The Sons of Omaha at a dinner at
the Omaha club reaffirmed their zealous
Intention of co-operating with the Old
Settlers and others In the celebration of
Omaha's fiftieth anniversary. Dr. George
L. "Miller and Henry w. Yates were
present to set forth the plans ot tno
celebration and several of the Sons, Cap
tain William Doane, Ifred Metx, Frank
Burkley, Victor Rosewater, Albert Cahn.
C. W. Hamilton, Robert Patrick, spoke,
The International Christian Institute,
headed by Dr. W. O. Henry and C. F.
Robel, took over tho Dellone hotel. It.
W. Johnson, former proprietor of thft
old hotel, said his plans for the future.
were uncertain.
Temple Israel was well filled In the
evening when Ilabbl Abram Simon
preached his farewell sermon, prior to
departing for his larger field of service
In tho east.
W. II. Bancroft came from Salt Lako
City and assumed his position ns gen-1
crul manager of the Union Pacific, suc
ceeding Edward Dickinson, resigned, to
go with the Orient road. Mr. Bancroft
announced ho had no radical changes
to make.
People and Events
Job hunters and beggars who had
heard of his millions chased Henry Ford
ot Detroit all around New York City
last Friday, forcing him to tlcp from
publlo places.
According to census computations for
1911, Now Orleans and Albany, N. Y., hold
the speed record for shuffling off. Resi
dence In either city affords assurances
of beatrag tho crowd to the Ktyx.
An ancient and honorable society for
the pursuit of horscthicves at Jenklntown.
Pa., with a record of half a century,
catches up with the times by adding pur
suit ot automobile thieves to Its activities.
Now comes a Harvard professor, an ex
pert In Interpreting human emotions, with
the unqualified assertion that man Is
sweetest when real angry. If you doubt
It, Just stamp on his corn and watch tho
sugar melt.
Congressman Dick Bart hold t of Mis
souri tosses a laughing bomb Into grapo
Juice circles In Washington by an analy
sis showing that the esteemed Bryan tip
ple carries more alcohol than beer. Great
hcvtngs, another ldo shattered.
Judge Keneiaw Mountain Landls of the
federal bench, Chicago, says that In the
last flvo years he has received a score of
letters from anonymous persons resolved
(as they Informed him) to blow him and
his family skyward with dynamite.
Official chaperones of Harry Thaw up
In New Hampshire affirm on oath that
the Matteawan fugitive Is all right. He
Is a gentleman intelligent, tactful and
very generous. Here Is one Instance of
the tipping syitem delivering the goods.
Replying to Congressman Bartholdt's
reflections on grape Juice Mr. Bryan
softly remarks that It grape Juice car
ried the greater percentage of alcohol
the Missouri congressman would have
deserted beer long ago. Now, old top.
hush up!
The Russian sculptor. Prince Troubet
koy, husband ot Amcllc Rlvru. the au
thor, has conio to the United States for
......... .
a tnree-montns sojourn. n tno course or,
which he will execute orders for a dozen j
portrait busts. The Princess Troubetskoy j
Is accompanying her husband on h's trip. (
Bouquet for The Bee
From Tho Continent
It Is to the Continent especially grate
ful satisfaction to find Its editorial ut
terances quoted In tho dally press. Bucb.
attention seems something at least of an
assurance that the Conttnet succeeds In
speaking of religious realities with an
accent that sounds real to men of the
present-day world. Particularly gratify
ing Just at this season Is the way In
which The Omaha Bco voices apprecia
tion of the editorial In the Continent's
Christmas number, "Tho Democracy of
Christinas." The Bee responds with a
ringing call on the churches to scatter
II their truth with as free a hand as
the Christmas Idea has been scattered
to forego "claims of exclusive proprietor
ship" and aim rather at distributing,
rather than conserving truth. Among
American dallies none speaks more wisely
and whole-heartedly on religious topics
than The Bee; Indeed, we know of no
other that does quite so well.
Activities of Women
Mrs. Elizabeth Marbury of New York
thinks that as long as the tango and
other dances are popular people who
like to dance should be taught. She has
decided to prepare a number of girls
by having them taught properly, and
then sha hopes that they can teach oth
ers, and so the good work can go on.
Mrs. Mary C. C. Bradford of Colorado
thinks that women should pay their
taxes or Income taxes, but nt the samo
time should register a protest. She
thinks It very unwise for Dr. Shaw to
advocate revolt In tho matter. Mrs. Brad
ford has held an office over since wo
men have voted In Colorado.
Washington Is ull of wealthy widows
among tho last of those who have taken
up their residence there being Mrs, Henry
V. Dlmock. who will build her own home
there. Sho is a sister of the late Wil
liam C. Whitney, secretary of the navy
Under Cleveland, and sho has spent much
of her time in Washington.
Mrs. Arthur M. Dodge says that the
suffragists need not think the appoint
ment of Miss Katherlne Boment Davis
to be commissioner of corrections In New
York Is a triumph for them, ns tho antls
are also In favor of appointing women
where they can do tho work better than
mon. and she Is heartily In favor of Miss
Davis.
Miss Mary B. Miller of Chicago has the
distinction of having received the larg
est fee ever paid to a woman lawyer. It
was H2.C0O, and It was her recompense
for helping tho four grandsons of Wil
liam Bross, known as the war governor
of Illinois, to gain their rights under his
will. After she won tho caso for them
she says they tried to get out of paying
her, but she won a suit against them
In the courts.
Around the Cities
Building permits In Sioux City last year
lOiaiwl JZ.OCT.ZGo.
Artesian wells are to contribute to the
wRier supply of Oakland, Cal.
Omaha tops all cities in the United
states in the percentage of gain In post
office holiday business.
Portable public comfort stations aro a
new leaiure or recreation centers and
Playgrounds In Newark. N. J.
Six, hundred and forty-two cities In this
country report themselves actively In tho
Playground movement. Up to November
these cities spent 15.700,000 In the estab
Hshment and caro of playgrounds.
v-nicagos municipal budget for 1311
foots up with 29,711,ies. an increase of
$.000,000 over 1913. About 15,000,000 of tho
total depends on tho city securing per
mission from voters to issue bonds to se
cure the extra case and tako up past dc-
The New York Telephone company cut
jo per cent orr its rates as a concession
to public demands. The cut reduces the
-rato for G00 calls a year to 113.20, or to
w monui instead of J1.00. Tho bust
neis cnarge comes down from $201 to
iiwAf a year.
Hammer Taps
Ton can't change the shape of your
nose, nut it is different with the color.
Nowadays a woman's fchoo Isn't stylish
unicss me nceis aro longer than tho toes,
You never hoard of a roan applying four
a divorce on tho ground that his wife
wouldn't go to church with him.
There are a whole lot of people In tho
world who Imnglne It would be pie to
be able to lie awake all night and worry
over tno Income tax.
Remember that when you do fall off
the wagon jour good Intentions won't
soften the dull, sickening thud so you
win be able to notlco it.
When a man Isn't a hero to his wife,
and his wife Isn't a saint to him, some
how or other they manage to get aloru.
and keep out of the dlvorco court rec
ords.
Mere man Imagines he la some big doc
as an Investor. But a woman can take
if couple of old awnings and an old ham
mock and turn them Into a fashionable
gown.
During the first yar ox married life
paw gets two whole bureau drawers to
keep his things In. Then years later ho
Is lucky to get to hang his duds up on
tho floor in one of the closets.-Clncln
nntl Enquirer,
Stories in Figures
Two Philadelphia hosiery mills dlstrlb
uted KO.O0O out ot last year's profit
among Its employes.
i-uiisueipma nas ?,ms lactones, em
ploying SSS.J18 persons and paying J200,
933,6o9 iii salaries and wages.
An average of twenty carloads a day
or a total ot 2.21I.ST0 barrels ot apples,
wera received in New York city during
Callfornlans claim to have Invested
160,000,003 In outomoblles during the last
year. California claims are always built
on the robust plan
The railroads of the country built 3,071
miles of trackago last year, exceeding the
IMS record by seventy-four miles. Texas
and Montana got tho bulk ot the new
construction.
Evaiutvllle, Ind., boosted the prosperity
I . v. .. ,n.AS,inn . r.- r.i t .
" n..n.s hi
a dam and locks whereby a section of
th" Ohio river Is harnessed for pqaer
purposes.
rim
tfHf
Nnturo Controls Mari-larse.
OMAHA, Jan. H.-To the Editor of The
Ik-en: "A body In motion continues to
move at a uniform velocity, unless Inter-
fered with by somo exterior cause." The
nlm of nature Is to perpetuate the species,
nd this Instinct being rooted and
grounded In human nature. It neces
sarily and universally follows that un-
ess this powerful Instinct Is checked by
stronger force, it must and will pre-
alt.
Marriages must be made easy and con
venient, and young people should do
urged to unite for the purpose of raising
children, for this Is the only purpose that
nature recognises, and It cares nothing
t all for the happiness of the Individual.
Nature has fixed the ago at which peophs
re capable of begetting and bearing
htldrcn. and society has Interfered with
s plans and uses every effort to crush
s authority, circumscribe Its jurisdic
tion and appeal from its Judgments In
tho name of reason. But I am almost
tempted to say that nature usually pre-
i6mlnates.
Thcro arc two sets of forces In tho
world that are continually operating on
the minds of those who have arrived at
maturity; tho church pleads, urges and
threatens and does everything It can
do In order to turn tho thoughts of the
young from their Instinctive longings,
while tho world by every conceivable
artifice continually stirs the pool to the
bottom, covers this all-powerful spring
of action with the drapery ot art, poetry
nd melodrama, and parents must watch
their children with unremitted activity
and caution.
If mankind has any particular business
In this world other than serving Its
maker. It Is that ot raising children, and
the sooner they begin after maturity, tho
better for nil concerned. While philoso
phers arc speculating about eugenics and
scribblers are bawling about wages ad
tho hlsh cost of living and dying, tho
demands ot nature remain as Inflexible
and as stern as they were when the first
man child was born in a cave and cradled
n a wolf-skin hammock.
Tho popular songs are love songs, the
best stories are love stories, tho soul-ln-
sptrlng plays are love plots; and all this
means that our young boys and young
girls Intend to be tho parents ot the next
generation. I am heartily In favor of
early marriages, low wages and high
prices notwithstanding.
E. O. M'INTOSIL
Odd Things of Life
Miss Florence Guernsey, president of
the New York Foderatlon of Women's
Clubs, Is a member of thirty-two clubs
The first effect of the mothers' pension
law In Massachusettn Is to dry up the
streams of publlo charity which In for
mer years helped to relieve distress.
A nap In church cost a Pennsylvania
man a year in prison. lo. not "Diue
laws." He had robbed a house, and he
broko Into the church to rest from his
exertions.
A Spokane health officer found a sauer
kraut factory In a stable. The authorities
don't know j-ct whether they will prose
cUte on the ground of food adulteration
or cruelty to animals.
A milting concern In St. Johnsbury, Vt..
has been In the possession ot the Ide
family for an even 100 years. It was
started In 1813 by Timothy Ide and tho
granite grinding stones are still pre
served, but used only as doorsteps.
Deacon Vollva, Dowle's successor as
boss of Zlon City, 111., either likes to
hear his own spiel or hankers for a
large Job. lie Is seeking to regulate
fashions In women's clothes and prevent
tho ueo ot tobacco by men. Zlonltcs must
bo real good or Vollva will close sal
vation's door.
Isaac Edgcrly of Red Beach, Me., is
raid for carrying his own son to tho
nearest school, several miles, having
teen given the contract to carry all tho
school children from his district. Ills
sen. however, is tho only one, ana ac
cordingly the regular trip Is made each
day for his benefit-
Newland Cannon of New Albany, Ind.,
squeezed his mother so hard that ho
broke ono of her ribs. To prevent soiling
a pair or shoes, airs, ueorge wannon
asked tho j-oung man to carry her across
tho muddy street. In picking her up
Newland was afraid he would drop his
mother and squeezed her too tight.
Tho suffragists can point with prlda
to the record ot a woman ruler In a
Mohammedan state in India, who Is try
em American farming machinery among
her subjects, and Is herself translating
into the natlvo language books on agri
culture, preparatory to Introducing mod
ern American forming machinery among
her people.
Facts and Fancies
It a man has money that also Is an j
Indication that ho knows how to tako
care of It.
When It Is said the people want n
change that means tho newspapers huvo
been demanding one.
The Lord mado the string bean, but
man la responsible for tho offense ot
preserving It in cans, j
Do not waste your sympathy on the
man who never had It. Pity, Instead, the
one who had It once and lost it.
Th greatest luxury Is a good night's
eep. And It Is about the only thing the
sleep,
people like that Is good for them
'Advertising sells a good many safety
razors, but the bulk ot the traffic In
them may be traced to the barber with
the, Itching palm.
It Is Old Timer's notion that a man
loses much of his love tor the common
people after he has spent a night with
them In chair cnr.
When a farmer has nothing much to
do. and Intends to spend the day
loafing around, he aamcUmes lies In bed
until 6 o'clock In the morning.
The post card has Its uses. For those
who merely wish to say; "Having a good
time: wish you were here," It probably
Is the most convenient form of long
distance communication. Philadelphia
Ledger.
Sar Things.
Boston Transcript.
It tequlres no squinting palmist to fore
tell that somo time during this year will
occur the regular annual death ot George
Washington's bodyguard and the old
lady who kissed Lafsyettts when she was
a girl.
SMILINQ LINES.
"You can t fool all the people all the I
"I know It." rrnllcrf thn trust nuumate
"There Is plenty of profit In fooling half I
oi mem hair the time,' Cincinnati Kn
.u.'rcr.
"Thst lady you were with on the csr
Is a nmoker. Isn't she?"
"Why do you ask such a question"
"1 noticed you helping her to allght "-
Boston Transcript.
"I suppose you -have been giving jour
people out home something to think
about.
"No," replied Senator porghum. "1 have
been telling them funny stories to keep
them from thlnklng."-Vash!iigtoii 8tar.
"Tho silk hat Is 100 years old," ob
served the Boob, as he laid down his
newspaper.
"Is that all?' mured the Grouch. "Rome
of them look a lot older than that."
Cincinnati Inquirer.
"Come In and have a drink, old man."
"Nothing doing!"
"What's the matter? Sworn off?"
"ot directly: but I've resolved that
this year I'll exhibit a little horse sense,
arm that is the ability to ncign.
Chicago Post.
How did she liaimon to turn her
ankle?"
"Oh. her ankle wan well turned, anil
there was handsome j'oung doctor stop
ping at the same hotel. Judge.
"That fellow certainly Is a dub."
"For why?"
"I told him I bo.sed my wlfo and ho
went and told her." Louisville Courier
Journal, "Confucius was a sreat and wise man."
said Maude.
Maybe he was." icnl ed Mnrmle. "But
I've attended a lot of Chautautiua lec
tures and he was never one of the
speakers." Washington Star.
"Thi boarding-house keener did n char
acteristic thing when ho went after a
defaulting boarder who had tried to
SAVING rather than
SPENDING should be
the New Year's Resolution
Deposit your Savings in a bank
with 56 years' experience in
Safeguarding the funds of its
Depositors.
Capital, $500,000
Surplus Earned, $1,000,000
ADVERTISEMENTS ''
Lite. BRADBURY DENTIST
IBOO Farnam Street. so Trj3mj, orfios. Ffeone Don;, ttao
' Extracting 23c Dp
j Finings 50c Up mSESmB without pi.i
BrldBCTvork ...fMO P Msl.lM 2ST "JSK.
Crowna $2.50 Up JlTffVfl i without naln. www ..r-
I'latea $2-00 Up
WHEN you buy advertis
ing space, you buy on
ly the frame what you
put into it is the picture. And
yet, many an advertiser, hav
ing bought a thousand dollars
worth of space, fills it with
two-penny "copy."
! escape payment hy going on a steamer."
! ..tlkn ,41.1 h. Ha
"Hp boarded the vescel and lodged a
umplnlul."-BaUlmore American.
A SONG OF TOMORROW.
There, may be a cloud In tomorrow s skj
There may be a cold rain to soak met
There may come n tempest to blow me
I mayswVllow a fish-bone and choke me;
Tomorrow Is dark, what Its moments may
bring
Not tho wisest of humans can say;
But the sun Is nrshlnc In Ood s heaven
right nor
And I'm going to be slsd for todaj
Tomorrow my ankle may gel a bad wist.
My liver may go on a strike;
I may slip on the Ice nnd crack a few
rlbs
May run Into an nulo or bike;
Tomorrow discouragement may come to
call.
Or sorrow may darken my way;
But I'm feelln' first rate and the sky Is
all blue.
And I'm goln' to be happy toda
Tomorrow my neighbor may start up a
row,
Conductors be crabbed and crankr!
The microbes of discord as well u dis
ease May escape from some wild waving
hanky;
Grim death and dlstaso may lurk round
my door.
And misfortune mv morrow may sadden;
Yes, tomorrow may be In their clutches,
I own,
But today Is mine to be glad In.
Tomorrow tho light of my Joy may go out
When contrary winds blow upon It;
Pome things may transpire which will
force roe to check
Some expressions llko 'darn' or 'dog
gone It';
Tomorrow tho postman may bring back
these lines
From tho hard-hearted editor ding It!
Still this song of tomorrow demands to
bo sung.
And today, 'cause I'm happy, I sine It.
BAYOLU NE TREWS.
enteed tea yearm.
4