THE BEE: OMAHA, TUESDAY, JANUARY 13, 1914.
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE
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PECKMBUn C1P.CUL.AT10N.
52,148
fc'UU of Nebraska. County of Dduglas, as.:
Dwlght Williams, calculation manager
of The lite Publishing, company, being
duly sworn, says that the average dally
circulation for tho month of December,
1913. was 02. Its.
DWIQUT WILMAMH,
Circulation Manager.
Subscribed In mv nrcatnf find nvnrn
to before me this 3d dJ ot January, 1914.
fScal) Notary Public.
Subscriber leavlna; (he city
temporarily ahoeld hare The Ben
mailed to litem. Address -will be
chance mu nftcn requested,
From that laat ltttlo Boroorisault
w deduce that Friend Weatherman
lifts Hot lost all fata cunning.
After all, organized baso ball is a
deal llk.e the -canons ot the
dra-wa, aa arbitrary proposition
Jt la a prudent man who gets hlu
winter coal bills paid up In full be
lore the approach of tho heated
season.
If a cold Is nothlng'but a habit, ths
cure pught to consist in morcly
swearing off and sticking to tho
Pledge.
Omaha Just dares tho administra
tion to locate a regional bank here in
spite ot our naughty democratic
senator.
Eter Sunday this year will como
much later than, it did last year. We
he it wi.ll ale he different In sev
eral ether respects.
Tst ilt of names of men excused
frewjHry tervice during the last year
cojftd ans pirtjllshedla The Sea
shout. )i4i lainit. .
Huerta may be a smaetk talker,
alt rlfkt'W JTOr ajt to Aulter 'a
kit, Jttet the 'same,- yrhm the name of
Paaca Villa la mentioned.
William Pean must have felt that
the making of money was but a
means to aa end when ho exclaimed)
"Seek not to be rkta, but happy,"
At that, tho violinist virtuoso
ought to collect enough monoy on his
prees agent's atory to pay tho pre
mium on that ?225,000 finger Inaur
ance. The latest is that "Thaw will bo
waUhed," Watched by whom? Why,
by$faat e-I ot lawyers, ot course
dttr B4laa.aot. to let a dollar of easy
money escape them.
Oae Improvement club proclaims
Its preference for street car exten
sions to' lower" fares. It doubtless
proceeds a the theory ot going after
one thing at a time, and getting, both.
it John kind were to become sec
retary of state the handicap ot his
nativity would never let him stand it
the way ot Senator JImhamlowls'
possible 'succession to the presidency.
Even jtt that, tho Omnha rate ot
ZU 1-3 cenU per 1.000 gallons is stilt
(torn two to eight times tho charge
for like meter Bervlce in other cities
with which wo are wont to compare
ourselves.
A University of Nebraska professor
of bugology haB roturnod from Eu
rope, bringing with litm a collection
of 10,000 rare bugs. It's the com
mon kind of bugs, however, that
bother us most.
If some "little" fellows on tho
bench, of whom you, may wot, had
Judge McPherson'o chance they cer
tainly would go after that Missouri
attorney general, and' the newspapers
backing htm up. -".
if retention ot the State university
on its present aite' is ttnassallably cor
rect, why need the sponsors of this
proposition fear consideration by dis
interested outsiders of distinguished
honor and intelligence?
ffha Cf nnrihn ixrtl I r A nti w.i it
considering the installation "of a
motorcycle officer specially detailed
to look after auto speeders. Wo have
no doubt the move will prove success
ful viewed sb an investment, It not a
a eafety measure. '
"Omaha Is sadly in need ot reform
with regard to crimes and crimi
nals," ays ono ot out esteemed
Juig, who doubtless has heard ot
(vrai fjacrant instances ot perjury
cenjnitte-a bo far with impunity right
wthen -tlf ee-attoea of the caurt.bouso
is which he holds court.
Unmerging Union Paoifio.
The distribution to Union Pacific
shareholders of Its holdings of Ualtl
noro & Ohio stock, popularly denom
inated na the cutting of a melon, is
said to have tho endorsement ot tho
attorney general as a step in the un
merging ordered by tho court. This
distribution comes to tbo stockholder
In tho nature of a division of the ns
Bets, which explains why the an
nouncement has had no effect on tho
slock market quotations, which will
reflect tho change only after tho dis
tribution has been actually made.
It is not improbable, however, that
objections may yet bo made to this
schomc, for it is pointed out that the
purchase of the stock of other rail
roads by the Union Pacific wns In tho
first place made possible only by the
issue ot convertible bonds, thus in
creasing its capitalization, whlcli,
howover, is not to bo reduced by this
distribution. If capitalization, there
fore, is an element in the road'1
financial stability, or In it basis ot
rate-making, as somo still contend,
thon tho whole transaction In its es
sence becomes ono ot stock, watering
pure arid simple, becauso the total at
outstanding securities are not to bo
in any way reduced. If, on tho other
hand, tho Union Pacific's holdings
in other roads- were disposed ot at
market value, and tho proceeds used
to reliro in equal amount bonds, or
Qven ot preferred stock, tho capitali
zation would bo cut down by that
amount.
Wo are accuBtomcd to refer to
railroads as being stocked and
bonded at so much per mile. Un
morgor by tho melon-cutting route l
going to leave this mileage 'figure
Just whoro it Is, but with a delusive
yield or smaller returns sure to bo
held up to tis .to Justify a boost In
rates or to combat every pubHf? do-
maud ncccaltatlna tho expenditure of
monoy.
Why Impossible
All this tulk about novernor Morehead
being a candldnto for another term Is
absurd, Ho promised the pcoplo he would
under no circumstance, becomo a candl
dnto for, or accept a nomination for, a
second term. It Ik Impo'slble for him to
abjuro that solomn pledge. Columbus
Telegram.
Though we hold no brief for Gov
ernor Morehead, wo aro constrained
to ask, Why "imposslblo?" What Is
thero "absurd" in tho Idea that tho
governor, llko his predecessors,
should covet tho endorsement ot bid
official record which n ro-eloctlon In
construed to bo? Wo onco had a
president who solemnly proclaimed
he would not again bo a candidate,
and Brother Howard Would doubtless
have said It was "Imposslblo" for him
to: run again, hnl he did run. Wo
now have a; president elected on a
kUfeir,,, Jn htcki h, acquiesced,, de
claring apalnstT the 'principle Tof nt&n
ikuLitfi terwT But will Irother
Howard have the UaxdlhPQd. AP.say
that tho thought of President. Wilson
succeeding himself is "absurd," and
Ills candidacy for re-election "impos
sible"? Oh, noP Governors and
presidents enjoy the woman's right
to change their minds as otton as
thoy sco fit.
The New Express latcs.
Tho decision ot the express com
panies to test the new rates effective
February 1 by full and free compli
ance rathor than Uy litigation, whllo
gratifying, is also a presumption ot
their fairness and tho conviction on
tho part of tho oxprcss pcoplo that
they can carry on a remunerative;
business under them. "'Ono thins
that ihakea tho test moro Bovere than
H would-otherwise have been," ob
serves tho Journal ot Commerce, "is
the parcel post system recently estab
lished, and extended,"
Indeed, and It may well bo bo-,
ltovod that but. for tho parcel post,
.by which tho malls now carry up to
twenty pounds for all distancos and
up to fifty pounds within restricted
areas, the express compaulcs would
bo fighting to the last ditch to avoid
compliance with tho commission's
rate schedule. Nothing but tho par
col post has brought the oxprcss com
panies to time In this matter. Thoy
are now in a position where. Instead
of monopolizing tho Hold, thoy have
to compcto for tho business and the
celerity with which tho change ot at
titude lias been brought about Is the
best tribute to the Judgment of thoso
who, for years, urged tho Inaugura
tion of parcel post by the govern
ment.
Tho Uar association inquiry com
mtttee goes out of Its' way in its re
port to tell how many negroes havu
been listed for Jury service. It does
not enumerato tlto number ot Ital
tans, Greeks, bankers, carpenters,
Catholics or Christian Scientists. Tha
Inference it.conveys is that'tho color
of a man's Bkn hus something to do
with his qualification as a juror,
What do solt-rospectlng negroes
think of that? ,
In presenting Its claims tor a
regional reserve bank Kansas City
announces that bankers from Ne
braska, Wyoming, the Dakotas and
other western states aro pulling for
it. Yet Nebraska, Wyoming and the
Dakotas is mora Omaha territory
than Kansas City, Do our business
men and bankers catch the full force
of this?
Mr. Bryan told an audience that
ho suffers from stage fright. Pob
ribly, but he recovers, undoubtedly.
la tlmo to recelP.t for his share of the
proceeds.
looking JJacWar
commits rsoM arx ri us
F
.IANUAIXV 13.
Thirty Years Ago
The nnnuai election of the Omaha
Nail works resulted us follows; W. A.
Pnxton. president; James Crrlghton, vice
president; John AV. Latter, secretary-
treasurers John A. Crelghton, John A.
Mc-Shane, additional directors.
iV very enjoyable hop was given by
the army officers at' Fort Omaha I ant
evening, attended by a large number of
young people from the city.
Tho commissioners appointed to assets
damages on the line ot tho belt railroad
appraised tho value of tots C, 7 and 8, In
block S at a total ot JIl.WO.
O. If. flordon left for New York on a
business trip.
A number of Tlattsmouth people were
In the city today proving up their tree
claims. They say they are 'obliged to
como hero because PlatUmouth In not
In the district
The polo contest got out onother large
crowd, who witnessed an exciting game,
Tyler & Co. have opened tip an offlco
as expert bookkeepers and accountants
at 1K0 Farnam rtreet, nt tho same loca
tion with V, Boyer & Co,
Dr. Anna Benson nnnouncos that she
Is located at 1113 Dodge, whero she Is
to make a specialty of the practice of
diseases of women.
Twenty Years Ago
These two teams were selected from
the college boys and Omaha Guard, re
spectively, for a game of Indoor foot ball
at 'the armory soon: College boys, O. I
Thomas, J. W, Broatch, A. "W. Jeffcrls,
U I. Abbott, Harry Lyman, Randall
Brown and A. I.. Jones; Guards, Charles
Wilson, Purvis, Clark, McKell, Willis,
Young and Plxley.
Knemlcs of Mayor Bemls and dis
gruntled politicians who had been
threatening to file Impeachment charges
against him had stnged their attack for
midnight, but that ominous hour came
and went with nothing doing, as the
mayor might have said In his classic
way, "Twelve o'clock and all Is well."
Tom Foley had an encounter with two
thugs at Twentieth and Douglas streets
as he was going from his homo at 2318
Pouglas downtown at night. Passing a
pile ot lumber at the new Omaha club
building, he waa suddenly confronted by
two footpads, demanding his cash. Tom
thought ho had a right to his cash him
self and so struck off down Douglas
Rtreet at a lively clip, escaping safely,
nono the worse for his frugality.
Joe Mlk was 'elected president of the
Tel Jed Sokol, tho leading Bohemian s8-
clety of tho city.
Ten Years Alto
Tho Commercial club held Its annual
election, choosing sixty directors out of
a list of 120 candidates, tho election board
consisting of V. D. Milter, C. D. Thomp
son, II. K. Burkot, O. D. Klpllngcr, II.
J. Penfold, E. A, Benson. N. A. Kuhn.
Nathan Merrlam, chairman.
Mr. and Mrs. J. Borreson, 2437 Harney
street, t ftihtly 'concluded- that then" son
Chris J. Borreson, must havo perished In
the Iroquois theater fire. Xor. they, had
heard nothing of him since that holo
canst and a little while before received
a letter in which ho said be Intended to
see "The Bluebeard," that play, at the
llicbter . when the (f Iro occurred. Chris
Borreson was a pressman who had' left
Omaha In tbo previous July to work at
his trade, In, Chicago,
An organisation,' ostensibly of, a char
itable character, waa perfected at the
Commercial club under tho name of la
ternatlonut Chrlstlnn Institute with these
6fflcers! President, Dr, W. O. Henry;
Vice president, T. C. Havens; secretary,
K. A. Porter; treasurer, A. C. Kennedy;
general manager, C. F. Ilobel. The oh
Joct of tho Institute was announced to
be centralizing the charitable work ot the
tlty. A payment ot S10.G00 was to bo
made toward tho purchase price ot tho
pellona hotel building as the homo ot the
Institute.
i Iteports In railroad circles had It that
l:vcrtt Buckingham waa sura of the gen.
$rnl managership of the Union Pacific,
Vacated by tliQ resignation of Edward
Dickinson. Mr. Buckingham was general
Superintendent.
People and Events
All is not lost, fellers! A New York
court rules that a man has the exclu
sive right to his, own , face. I
A near or distant vision of a flaming i
red tircktlo of Christmas tree vlntaae Is !
un unfailing sign of spondylothorupy go-1
Ing to seed.
Twenty-four thousand persons lnvolun
.tarlly Joined their ancestors In China!
last year. Tho official axe did tho busi
ness, it was a mighty uusy year ror
.neck choppers.
Announcement was made recently that
Mrs. Francis Way land, whose husband
was for many years dean ot tho Tale
Law School, lind preseptct) to Yalo uni
versity a valuable collection of Pales
tinian pottery.
Anthony J. Drexel Diddle, a wealthy
Philadelphia banker, signalised his pres
ence tn a reserved seat on the water
wagon January 1, by dismantling the con
tents ot his wine cellar. Lofty resolu
tions and bottled temptation rarely do
team work.
Motormrn and conductors on the street
cars ot Washington got Christmas boxes
of $42.53 each and a ' letter of thanks
from ' the president of the street car
compuny This la the most generous
handout exhibited in 'Washington since
the "Wllsonian patriots hit tho pie coun
ter. At the venerable age ot W, Levi P.
Morton, the New York banker, and vice
president under Benjamin Harrison, and
Mrs. Morton, are, back in their old Wash
ington home; renewing friendships with
tho older residents ot the national cap
ital. la trying tu outdo the sailor reputed to
have a sweetheart at every port, Ferdi
nand Pinny Karle of Syracuse, N. Y.,
ran up against trouble In Norway with
an excess ot affinities. It Is mighty an
noying to American genius to find lawa
and customs at home and abroad inter
fering with progressive matrimonial re
searches.
La ft month 'Mr. Sarah Bennett of Cen
tralia. Wash,, sot her pension as a sol
dier's widow, and with It a tidy lump ot
buk pay. She had waited thlrty-on&
yours for Jtt Iter husband, a veteran ot
the Indian 'campaign and the cvl war.
wui killed by a falling tire whllo clear
ing oft his homestead on the Cowllti
fiver, in US3. "Him waa left with nine
small children to raise, aya the reporter.
'The children have cared ror her, bus,
nou'rthelcs. the money from the gov
ernment came as a great boon to her.''
Twice Told Tales
Mother's Belief.
Ihey were speaking of tho beautiful
sex and their kindly conversation In dis
cussing each other a few evenings ago,
when this little Incident was recalled by
Congressman Clarence B. Miller ot Min
nesota! ,
One afternoon two young women were
talking gowns, furs, grand opera and
things like that, when one of them cas
ually referred to a certain, Mrs, Smith.
"Poor Maryl" slghfully commented tho
other. "She is a perfect dear, of course,
but she suffers much for her belief."
"Her belief?" responded the first, ques
tionably. "And what, pray, 'may that
belief be?"
She believes," was the soft, cooing
rejoinder of, the second, "that she can
wear a No. 3 shoe on a No. 6 foot "
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Onions Are Chenper.
Mrs. Hetty Green ort her seventy-eighth
birthday anniversary told a reporter that
she put more faith In onions than in doc
tors. An onion was her recipe for colds.
coughs, Insomnia, nerves and many other
maladjes.
"An onion," she add,.d, "Is a better
nurse, and she said one day to a popular
surgeon:
" 'What did you operate on Mr. Sods
for?'
"For W.00O, the, surgeon answered,
"The young nurse smllod.
'"No sho said; I mean what did he
haver
" 'Three thousand dollars, waa the sur-
geon'B reply." New York Sun.
Her Own Culler.
Recently an imposing matron employed
a new domestic named Norah. A couple
of afternoons later sho went downtown
shopping, leaving Norah in charge of the
house.
Norah," said the mistress, as she re
moved her wraps on her return three
hours later, "were there any callers while
I waa out7"
"YIs, ma'am," was the quiet rejoinder
or Norah, "Mrs. Cassady called."
"Mr. Cassadyl" wondcrlngly repeated
me mistress, pausing a moment to com
muno with herself. "Why, I don't know
Sirs. Cassady."
"Quolte lolkcly, ma'am," camo back
the calm response of Norah. "OI'll Inter
due yess the nlxt tolme she comes
around." Pittsburgh Chronicle-Tele
graph.
Editorial Sittings
St. Louis Globe-Democrat: With all tho
muckraking, tho Red Cross remains un
assailed as ono of tho brightest mani
festations of Christian civilization .
Boston Transcript: Still, even after the
presldont leaves, Pass Christian can
never hopo to sink Into that perfect
oblivion whlcU has been enjoyed by
Enopus.
Chicago. .Bocord-Herald: With crops
that were worth 10,000,000,00o 1915 was not
S.U.C,J ,a, ,,.cko.nlne:. fa.".ure ,or tho farmers
of this country 'oVe'ome of the pessimists
were trying a few months ngo to malte
ub believe It was going to be.
Indianapolis News; It is reported that
21,000 and, perhaps, more people were
executed In the province of Sxa Chuen.
China, last year. If this ratio Is kopt
up throughout tho entire country, it is
believed that tho teeming millions will
soon go out ot the teeming business.
Cleveland Plain Dealer: Tlo "city" of
OJInuga is a cluster ot adobo huts so
microscopic that It dues not appear on
the largest obtainable maps. But It It
likely that tho "OJInagans would gladly
hUvc goii'u without the fumo which Is
being thrust upon tholr community.
Pittsburgh Dispatch: Washington
women who object because Secretary
Daniels referred to them as females
thould remember that tho responsibility
for the fact does not rest on the tsecro
tary. We aro Informed by scriptural
authority that they were created that
way somo 7,000 or 8,000 years ago, accord
ing to the Mosaic calendar.
New York World: Tho kaiser's share
In the military tax, which every German
with an income ot above $250 must pay,
v 111 bo $1,000,000. That would seem to bo
a gcod way ot making militarism un
popular for everybody, Including tho
monurchs who promote it.
Union Pacific Melon
Brooklyn Eagle: The Union Pacific
melon" Is a good thine as stimulative
of Wall street activities. Every such do-
vclopment tends to bring tho lambs Into
the market, nnd Uveness, even In specu
lation, la better than deadness. When
the Street Is In a state ot coma general
conditions aro always regarded as none
too good.
New York Tjrlbune: From the point of
view ot rallroud finance the whole trans
action Is still open to question. In so far
as bonds wcro issued to raise the money
for the original purchases ot Baltimore.
& Ohio, stock and of tho Southern Pa
cific stock subsequently traded with the
Pennsylvania for Baltimore & Ohio, the
distribution ot assets now proposed
leaves the Union Pacific bonded In ex
cess ot its needs. Tho transaction works
out thus: The road, so far as bonds are
concerned, borrowed money to pay to
Its stockholders, which was neither
necessary nor good finance.
Springfield (Mass.) Republican: No
one questions the sound' financial posi
tion of the Union Pacific company, but
an operation such as is announced may
easily mean in a few years that shippers
will lie called upon to pay moro in freight
rates, or tho shareholders will be forced
to acept smaller dividends in order that
tho company may pay the Increased In
terest on new security . Issues murketed
for the purpose ot making improvements,
or replacing equipment, or possibly buy
ing tho Central Pacific. The country will
soon see tho Interstate Commerce com
mission supervising the Issuance of new
railroad securities, by authority of law.
It Is a misfortune, perhaps, that the
commission is not now empowered to
supervise such an Important financial
operation as the giving away of some
$90,000,000 of a great railroad's. assets-
Important In Its bearing upon the future
financing ot tho corporation.
lnf-er, Inn't It f
Indianapolis News.
It seems queer that congress should
have to muke such elaborate arrange
ments to get rid of pork barrel bills when
mere personal honesty would do the Job
with complete effect.
Uxpcnae Bill that Need KxplnliiliiB.
LINCOLN, Neb., Jan. It-To the -d-
Itor of The Boe: It would be Interesting
reading to have two or three members
ot the normal board explain how they
have expended so much money In attend
ing 'board meetings, as shown: by their
sworn reports. There have been but
about six meetings during the last year-
one at Kearney, one at Wayne and the
others at Lincoln. A. L. Cavlness spent
Zll In attending these meetings, although
he lives at Falrbury, less than sixty miles
from Lincoln. It must be he has Included
the expenses Incurred In attending the
numerous star chamber conferences for
which members of the board haVo become
famous. If he has done this or has
Included any of his Junketing trips over
the state, It was a -mere oversight. In
asmuch as the statutes specifically state
that the members shall serve without
pay, but shall be reimbursed the actual
expenses In attending meetings of tho
board. Of course, we would not think
any part of this 1211 included mileage to
and from Lincoln while doing special
work in the university, nor whllo attend
ing conferences seeking' to oust Thomas,
but we would like to know what kind ot
accomodations he received at the halt
dozen meetings which coat the state the
sum of $211. The greater distances some
others havo to travel may explain In part
their largo expense bills.' But explana
tions along this line would certainly be
Interesting. A TAXPAYER.
Jerry Truces IUm Pedigree,
SOUTH OMAHA. Jan. ll-To the Ed
itor of The Bee: I desire space In your
great paper for a reply to an article
wherein the writer calls himself "a horse
doctor" over the- signature of M. J. C,
Everything is revealed by time, and tho
name of this horse doctor, who dies con
cealed behind Initials will be revealed,
Then It will be known how he obtained
his shecpskln-ra word to the wise Is suf
ficient. I have no quarrel with the horse doctors,
but it seems by tho Irony contained in
M. J. CVs article that his professional
pride Is hurt; perhaps he has taken um
brage at my suggestion to Senator Hitch
cock that he consult with Congressman
Lobeck about his classification bill now
pending; requesting that Section 8 be
changed wherein it calls for a raise In
the horse doctors' salaries to be added to
the $3,000,000 already appropriated and pro
vlded for In the meat Inspection act; and
in lieu thereof Insert that the packers
pay the horse doctors for It is the pacK
ers and not tho public who derive the
benefit from the supposed inspection
and that tho $3,000,000 be devoted to some
government enterprise which will furnish
work for the unemployed.
Judging by his question M. J. C. Is very
desirous of knowing my genealogy. In
reply to this horse doctor let me say that
my virtues are my own and my faults 1
nave uorrowca. a man s peaigreo is a
very weak reed to lean upon, noverthe
less blood tells and I attrlbuto my stay
ing qualities against every hired scullion
of tho beet trust who assails my repu
tallon to tho blood that Is In me. I am
of Celtic blood, and of Irish birth, not
Kngllsb, but Irfsh, not Norman, but Cel
tic, My name Howard, it Is true. Is Nor
man, but it Is a name that has come
down to me through ages from sires and
grandslres that knew how to bleed and
ale for freedom. I am American by adop
tlon, and tho better the Irishman, tho
better the American Is 'a truth that will
be recognized and appreciated with the
advance of knowledge.
My chief occupation is keeping- tab on
the beef trust and Its political tools. I
am an authority on economic, questions,
and that Is the reason why I recommend
expending the 3,000,COO paid the horso doc
tors on some government enterprise. 1
have benefited the downtrodden, oppres
sed and persecuted laboring class in many
ways too numerous to mention, and God
permitting I shall continue to do so. Well,
as to what I have done' for myself, char
acter Is better than wealth. I desire to
Inform this scientific expert that I am
able to understand the relationship exist
ing between tho horse doctors and pack
ers and tho remedy I prescribe is to turn
the light on these concealed reptiles. 1
presume. M. J. C. thought to curry favor
with his masters by his scurrilous attack
on -me, u may serve his present purpose,
and It cannot hurt me, but the day is not
distant when M. J, C.'s masters shall be
chained and collared by tne nana or the
people's government, and then M. J. C
may find that It patd 111 to have sneered
at the poverty of those who fought for
the "new era" against the beef trusts
r.nd the little men fattening in their
shadow." JERRY HOWARD.
Political Tips
The presence ol Colonel BUI Suiter at
the openltiB of the New York legislature
banished the fear of the loss of another I
work pt art.
Governor Hiram Johnson, having de
cided to stick to Ills present Job. Francis
J. Heno)' hasi the California progressive
field to hlmaclt as a candidate for United
States senate.
New York's municipal administration
starts out on the theory that executives
cannot talk and work at the same time
and deliver tlia goods. "Work first, tall;
afterward," Is the motto.
party by the name of Koraker emer
ges from the Bloom In OhK lone enough
to remark that It the republican party
want to send him back to tho United
States senate he is willing- to sacrifice
his private Interests to serve the dear
public.
O. K. Davis, secretary ot the national
progressive committee, serves notice on
all ' concerned In Iowa that the pro
gresslves will this year put candidates!
In the field for every Job in -sight, Tht
proclamation was made at Des Moines,
where republicans would get the first
joytul thrill-
A package ot Influent or grip at
tempted to get on familiar terms with
Uncle Joe 'Cannon at h:s oanvtlle homo
on New Year's day. In thlrty-slx houn
Uncle Joe had the visitor tn such a mori
bund condition that It took the count.
The only Joseph Is merely exercising for
the fall campaign.
Congressman piurdock ot Kansas has
filed a progressive Jlen on the seat oc
cupied by Senator Urtstow, because the
latter persists In sticking to the repub
lican party. Mr. Murdock follows
Teddy's hat wherever it Is thrown, and
hopru to win deinocratio votes In the
coming contest by pledging his support
to President Wilson's progressive policies.
JOLLIES FROM JUDGE.
"Why do thoy print Jokes in the pro
gram of a muslral comedy?"
"Po the an Hence will have something to
laugh at."
Tercy Plentvplunka I hear strango
stories about how Betty treats her hus
band. Marigold Malaprop Yes; they ty she
kisses him In tho parlor and kicks him
In the basement. '
Ted If you can't decide between your
two girls, why not pick the prettier oneT
New You see, my boy, the other one
has the money.
"They seem to have quarreled."
"Yes. I am afraid their marriage has
thrown them together too much."
Rosemary A French actress who Is
touring this country say a all men arc
prevaricators.
Thornton She probably Judges the en
tire male set by her own press agents.
Hardupp Let me havo ten, will you?
Hazltt Say, does Baker know you?
Hardupp No.
Hazltt Then why don't you ask him?
"I see n prominent New York club
woman says you can do a day s house
keeping In ten minutes."
"Something In that. Bver notice the
housemaid In a play? One swipe, ana
me 'room is in order."
"Our boy has such a refined sense of
numor,
SAVING rather than
SPENDING should be
the New Year's Resolution
Deposit your Savings in a bank
with 56 years' experience In
Safeguarding the funds of its
Depositors.
Capital, $500,000
Surplus Fund, $1,000,000
Florida, New Orleans, Cuba,
Panama, Gulf Coast Resorts
AU principal resorts in tke south reached by qsSck end coa
Yenient cheaa! of tho LouisTille & Naakrillo Ralkaad. Solid
through trains or sleepiag can from Chicago cr St Lsuls.
lfetrps a. I carta stisiaff ear serrica. Round trip tourist
tickets, retara fenit June 1st, ea sale dally at redcicod fares.
Greater rariety routes than any ether tine; diverse; routes to
Florida if desired. Homeseekers' tickets oa s&Ie First and
Third Taesder each moatfc at very low rates.
V7 Attracfre Wiifer Tews U Pauu, CrAa ad Jamaica,
The Most Attractive Way South
l
Route of the magnificent
For fall particulars, rates, tickets, descriptive illui.
trated booklets and sleeping car reaeTTaUen, aidre
-VSjjjen ox. e, ii
SMSIS!
'fliftJL
WHAT'S the cure for the
"cut-price" evil? Stand
ardize your goods by
Advertising them. Unknown
articles have no fixed value.
Advertised articles command
their price always and all over.
"Yes: I've noticed he evinces the great
est dislike to anything resembling the
slapstick."
HIS MIDDLE NAME BOOST.
Douglas Matloch.
He Isn't handsome far from that,
As manly beauty goes;
He doesn't sport the latest hat
Or up-to-datcst clothes.
And yet ho is mora popular
Than all the blooming roost; I
And ov'rybody likes him, for
His middle name is Boost.
He doesn't wear the latest styles
Or know the lateet fad;
But he Just umllrs and smiles and smiles
When things are going bad.
He talks a lot, when ralnclouds pouri
vi crops incy nave prouucea;
He sew their 'silver lining,' for
His middle name Is Boost.
He makes no million bucks a year,
And yet he has enough;
His charity is giving cheer
When things aro looking tough.
Of friends he owns a plenty, more
Than money has induced;
Yep, ov'rybody likes him, for
Ills middle name Is Boost.
yo
And lollv folks along.
For knocking never makes a hit
.When things are breaking wrong,
If you should hear a kicker roar,
Just bump him off tho roost
And show the folks you're plugging for
Your middle name Is Boost.
Dude Limited, Dixie Flyer and South
Atuaue umted iriuas.
J
P. W. MORROW, N. W. P. A.
332 Msnpett Kig Clues ro, QI.
R. C. WALUS, D. P. A.
312 North St. St. Unit, Ms.
Drs. Mach & Mack
THE DENTISTS
The largest and beat equipped dental
office In Omaha. Experts la charga ot
at! work, moderate prices. Porcelain
fillings Just like the tooth. Alt Instru
ments sterilized otter using;
3fl Zloor Vazton Block, Omaha. Xib.