Omaha Sunday Bee Magazine Page
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Anna Held's Daughter and Oscar
Hammer stein's Granddaughter Make
Very Frank Criticisms of Mother
Anna and Grandpa Oscar
1 and Their Old
, Fashioned Ways
TIMES change, and
the older gener
ations .do not
change with them a
much aa they think.
Many a parent who
thinks heraelf up-to-the-minute
only conveya
the Impresalon of a
ten-year-old bonnet on
a 1014 model dreaa to
her daughter, No doubt
ourchlldren hold opin
ions about ua which
would humiliate ua pro
foundly were they not
too polite to expreaa
them.
On thla page Llano
Carrera, tho daughter
of Anna Held, end
Elaine Ham merateln,
the great Oacar'a grand
daughter, depart from
the traditional reti
cence upon so painful a
subject and tell juat
what they think of
mma and grandpa.
Oscar
What I Think of .
Grandpa Oscar
By Elaine Hammerstein
Granddaughter of the Famous
Impresario.
ICAIULBD a Columbia College boy
down good and hard tbo other day
ior laughing at Grandpop Hammer
stein's bat. Of course it's funny, but i ho
had no right to say: "No fool Ilka an
old fool."
Grandpa Isn't a fool at all. He is a
genius. That's one thing the matter with
him, and the other la be is old. I think
it is narrowmlnded to make fun of tho
old people. They do the best they can;
in fact, they do mighty well, allowing
for the disadvantages they have.
Now Just look at my granddad. That
old-fashioned hat on top of ills head isn't
any older than a lot of the notions In
side. The bat looks good to him and bo
do the notions. That's an awful handi
cap, and it's a wonder the old gent gets
along as well as he does.
I asked that college bey how he
thought ho would set along if he 'bad
to go out in tho world with that old
hat and those old ideas Instead of his
own up-to-date ideas and clothes. "Well,
lie had to give tho old fellow credit for
doing mighty well, considering.
TEat hat is all right. You wouldn't
guy old Noah for his long whiskers; they
are part of his get-up and ho has a right
to them.
People got real cross at grandpa be
cause every few minutes he Jumps up
and builds a theatre somewhere. Any
body can see thero are too many thea
tres, but what of it? Aren't thero too
many churches? I've heard of peoplo
turning some of tlio churches into mov
ing ploture houses. Now, I'll leave it to
anyono if It Isn't a better game for the
pictures to got into grandpa's theatres
than Into some of those churches thoy
are sticking up all over.
Thoy say ho puts tho grand opera busi
ness out of key. I don't believe It. It
1b a crazy business anyway, like tho cir
cus. I don't think people pay to go to
opera because they Hko to hear music,
but because it is such a Joke they want
to go and see how peoplo get away with
it Think of taking a man whom the
good Lord meant to bo a perfectly good
Italian barber and paying him a thousand
dollars a night to sing. Isn't that a Joke?
Sure it's a Joke.
(I'll admit that some of the old fellow's
press agents' stuff was rather coarse
work when you look back at it But
then, It was pulled off in the old days
when crudo stuff went
Do you remember the time grandpa
worked that old gome of writing an
opera in 24 hours? It was rough, but he
got away with it
He and some actor who needed some
advertising made a bet of $50,000 or
$10d,000 It might just as well have been
a hundred million, because it was all
"stago money" that ho could lock him
self up In a room 24 hours and compose
a complete opera.
The hotel was glad to furnish the room
free for the advertising. So wav the
piano company which installed a grand
piano. Next camo about fifty pounds of
paper, a gross of pens, pencils, erasers,
etc., a quant of Ink, Finally somo things
to eat and drink, including a gallon or
so of coffee to help tho genius keep
awake. Columns and columns in the
newspapers attended theso preparations.
At last grandfather was kept buBy refus
ing tho offers of all kinds of fakora and
quacks who wanted to supply him with
oxygen, as well as n spiritualist who was
prepared to materialize all the dond com
posers to collaborate with granddad.
Well, tho doors wero sealed and a big
commltteo of reporter! hold watch out
side. A mighty scratching of pens was
heard, punctuatod by much pounding of
tbo piano. At tho end of tho time grand
pa emerged with a complete opera. This
was1 bad enough, but he slept and snored
tome of tho time and besides the opera
I happen to know that ho wroto a lot of
buslness( lotters and used up two check
books paying a lot of old bills ho had
neglected.
But it all went over and was taken
without any grain of salt. So why
should wo of a more enlightened and sub
tle generation call It crudo and coarse?
I'd bo afraid grandfather would refuse
to speak to mo for saying all this, but
he doesn't know me on the Mreot any
way. Not long ago I met him on the
boardwalk at Atlantic City.
"Hello, Mr. Hammorsteln, do you know
who I am?"
Ho scowled and looked me over and
said:
"I know you are an empty-headed, im
pertinent little girl. I know that your
heels aro too high and your skirt is too
tight and bIU up to your knees. I know
that somebody ought to put a vacuum
cleaner on your face and remove Home
of the powder. I know that you havo too
much junk around the top of your head
and not enough around tho top of your
Oscar
Hammerslein's
Elaine
Hammcrstcin.
lungs. I know
a lot moro about
you and your type,
but as to who you
nro personally I
don't know nor do
I caro a darn. But
just for tho sake of
politeness I will
ask."
Then ho bowed and said: "Permit me
to Inquire, madame, who in tho dlckons
aro you?"
I told him and he looked thoughtful.
"Ah, yea,' ho said Anally, "I havo a
memorandum about you, whon you wero
born, and all. Why, yes, glad to know
you. Coma In and sco mo at tho office
somo time and I'll buy you somo poppor
mints. Now run homo beforo you catch
cold."
Was I mad 7 Not a bit Ho moans well.
Ho's old and a genius and ho can't help
either one. I think he does mighty woll.
I'm proud of him.
What I Think of
Mamma
By Liane Carrera
Daughter of Anna Held.
MY earliest recollection of my
mother Is of standing on tho
table and pulling her corset
strings pulling them and pulling them
until I was red in .the face. And for
what? Because waists weren't bolng
worn thoso days and mamma was trying
to get rid of hers, and she did oo-la-la!
There wasn't enough loft lo hug, and
what's a waist fpr if the nice men can't
find It?
However, that's tho way thoy did
things theu. A woman used to dress
like a what you call it, ze nut? They
1? IIP
were big at tho top, then tapered down
to nothing, then out big. again, Hko a ,
pillow, tied tight in the middle. No
graceful linos, and how thoy must have
Buffered I
Nonq 'of that for mo. And the milk'
baths mamma usod to take Horrid,
sticky things! Parblou! Iteally not
hyglonlo at all. But It helpod her along
to famo oven If It did hurt her porous. .
And how thoso milk baths tlcklod tho
pross agent! Ho wroto columns and
columns about them. He had a. good
Imagination, you know. But what' a way
to becomo famous lotting tho public
peek Into your bath, oven If you are cov
ered with milk, Mamma usod to splash
around In tho milk until sho had a tubful
of butter. Such a life! Mlllo tonnero!
Another thing she had to do to ploasa
the proRB agent was to sot up a kissing
record to seo how many times a person
could kiss beforo tho facial musclcB re
fused to work. I think It waB something
Hko four hundred kisses that mamma
and her opponent 'hit off before their
Hps sagged and went on a strike. Oh,
tho things they had to do In those days
to mako good! Think of doing such
things now. Kisses aro all right, very
nice little things If you get 'em right
but to uso 'em as an ud not for mo!
But In tho old days, having become
famous In that way, you didn't have to
do much on the stage to please the au
dience All mamma did was to sing a
few songs and uso her eyes. One song
"My Mama Anna Held."
she oang 'was "Won't You, Come and
Play with Mo?" and sho sang it In such
a way that all tho ,mon In tho audience
voted unanimously In tho affirmative.
Wasn't that an easy way to "get" an
nudlencp to mako thorn think you were
hankering for them?
I can soo myself singing a song Ilka
that to a lot of old bnldhoads!
Theu sho used to sing "I Joost Can't
Mako My Eyes Bohave," until tho "tired
business man" dldn'f care waetker
stooka 'fell off ten points tbo next' day
or not. Ob, It was easy money In those
days. Just sing a naughty song to the
men, and, zing! you were a headllner.
And then, again, they used to rely a
great deal more on dress than they do
now. If a pretty girl a real pretty girl,
too camo out to sing dressed mod
erately, they'd tell her to go back and.
put something on, unless it happened to
bo tights Bhe was wearing, It was all
fluff and feathers, with Bklrts and lin
gerie that looked like a ctoud whon you
kicked up. And they called It art
Seeking the Secret of the Perfect Light in Flaming Monsters That Swim Five Miles Below the Waves
SCIENTISTS havo long been searching for a light which will
be heatless, devoid of harmful rays, non-explosive and
cheap. The lights of the firefly and the glow worm aro per
fect inasmuch as they fulfil all these requirements. Investigators
have tried, wjthout success, to discover the secret of thelr'pro
dnctlon. FIrely and glow worm have now been rejected by the scien
tists of the French Institute of Oceanography for the blazing,
monstrously shaped fish that swim five miles below the surface
of the sea in a water pressure that would crush man as flat as
a pancake.
It is only recently that mechanism has been devised to
keep theso fish after they aro drawn to the surface and to en
able the scientists to glvo them proper study. Heretofore, upon
reaching tho air, tho fish would swell and disintegrate in the
absence of tho accustomed pressure. To preservo their ex
traordinary shapes a corps of artists would quickly make caBts
of their bodies and copy the colors.
Now a long, Immensely strong sphere has been constructed
which can be baited and lowered to the enormous depths whore
the strange fish hunt Electric attachments signal to tho
tlsher far overboard when ho has made a catch. The ball is
automatically closed. It Is then drawn up and Immersed In a
tank of water. This tank is subjected to the same prossuro as
the depths from which tho fish wero taken. Tho sphere is
opened by mechanical means and the weird denizens of tho
deep, alive and active, aro studlod through hoavy glass windows
In the tanks.
The majority of these fishes aro black. All of them are
wonderful light producers.
Their luminous organs light up tho dark regions which thoy
Inhabit like flaming torches. Somo have elongated snouts, on
tho tips of which are luminous organs emitting considerable
volumes of light. Others have rows of luminous colls on top and
below their bodies, as In tho case of the deep-sea cannibal, shown
hore, with reflectors and lonses which serve the function o'
projecting light In definite directions. Theso Hght-etnUtlns or
gans aro thought to be of vital importance to the life of the
animal for tho purpose of Illuminating the surrounding water,
to avoid foos, to recognize their own kind or to capture prey,
Many of the pelagic fishes are extremely voracious, and some
are known to devour fishes several times their own size on
aocount of their distended stomachs. At 1,500 fathoms animal
llfo is quite abundant. The greatest depth found by sounding is
o.aou lamoms, or ai.un teci neany six miles. This exceeds
mount Everest in too
reot.
ie Himalaya Mountains, 29,000 feet, by 2,814
2. Fish Found Fire Miles Below the Sea's Surface with a Twin Pair of Luminous Head-Light Organs.
A Five-Mile-Deep Fish Whose Entire Head Is a Flaming Searchlight. A Deep-Sea Cannibal Which Can Swallow a Fish Larger Thsa ItlC,
