im BEE: OMAHA, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1913.
11
Bringing Up Father
Copyright ISO. International
News Service.
Drawn for The Bee by George McManus
i
f V - ' M ' t ?V m WHAT UNDERSTAND I pi r f T OH. IT pz .
' i v TTB AVI:pAvi ., "f" , , . ife C- s ooce prcnch? cKjSllJ j f DOES" Tj
ooTD ' ' " j1 5 TJ D,t lr
12,318,000 'Phones
Used in the World
By GARRETT P. SERVfS&
The the "Voltaire of the planet , Jupiter,
were made acquainted with the telephone
statistics of the planet Earth, he 'might
find therein material fpr the most biting
sarcasm, which would' greatly amuEo his
readers and yet bh
founded, upon a
complete misunder
standing. ''Look at that
Utile, tix-fcot world
down there," he
would say, snecr
ingly; "It makes up
in talk what It
lacks 'In size'. Its
diminutive 'inhab
itants, l.ot content
with the wagging'
tohgues that nature
has given .them,
have invented a
speaking machine to increase and spread
thb deafening babblement. In -which ihoy
delight ' There are l,S0O,0Q0,O0o tongues -on
their planet,' Including those 6f tho babies'
but to these they have' added 1I,K.00(
machines, wh(ch enormously multiply
tho talking power.
yThey are not satisfied with the nat
ural reach of their ears, as .ordinary
asses are, but they must stretch 1h,era(
electrically around tho whole circumfer
ence of their insignificant globe, while
they cockle and cjack and bray to tbts
very heavens I
''There is one smalt trapezoid on their
spotty globe, which, they call the United
States of America, that seems to be the
strm center of this cyclone of talk. It
has 90,000,000 tongues and 8.000,000 talking
machines, two-thirds of the entire num
ber possessed by that whole little blbble
bubble world! They have a city ' called
is Angeles, which contains a machine
for" every .four ilnhabltants. 'City of
Angels' do" tney name' "It? City of Mag
pies,' rather!
"What ran they he talking about so
much? How does It happen that they
cannot rest content with the speaking
apparatus that nature, already too lib
eral to such petty creatures, has be
stowed upon them 7 Are they wearying
the gods with advice, or wearying their
own weak brains with nonsensical chat
ter? The next thing we hear perhaps,
they will be sending their -yawp up to
us. These- pestiferous little words -are
enough" 'lo make a Jovian tlredWe only
speak when, we have something large to
say, and' among us only wise men .are-
born with tongues."
Such . might he "Hhe hasty ' remarks o'f
the derisive philosopher oTHhe planet'of
Jove upon.' learning 'or the vast 'k'Xtert-slon-of.the
telephone-' systems of. l)ifi
earth, ands the news that we 'are' now be
ginning to talk through the..Jtner, to
send our wandering voices out into space
on the tireless wings of electricity, would,
doubtless, Increase his irritation 'and' ac
centuate his scorn.
But what a sad error he would' commit!
How his eyes would be opened if he
could but pay us a visit! If he were
0
1
The Chapeau Chic Take Your Pic'
Posed Especially for This Page by Members of the Hippodrome Beauty Chorus
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Washington's Farewell
to His Officers
Ily REV. THOMAS 1J. GREGORY.
Tho debt a. woman owes to her hat Is considerable.
Fortunately, the girla In this picture have the looks that
are under no obligation to any stylo of attire.
They compriso tho Beauty chorus in "Our Own
Land," at (heIIlppodrome, and their good taste in se
lecting becoming hats makes their chapoaux descrvo
hpnprablo" meritjonj,
Beginning with" No. 3, there Is pictured the new
modified sailor, so becoming to many faces. It is mado
of black velvet and Is trlnimod with an ostrich plume ar
ranged at what some women 'dcscYlbo tho "flirtatious"
anglo. No. 4 Is of tho faehlonablo Cloche stylo, and the
wreath of ostrich feathers, w'ltlv a bunch at one side,
gives the French effect so much desired. ' No. 5 is a
modified Gainsborough, and the pino tree plume with
which it is trimmed and which Is so much the craio this
season originated with no less a personage than tho
duchoss of Marlborough.
No. 2 Is especially bocomlng, as It pormlts a pretty
nrrangomont of tho hair. It is made of dark volvot, the
prevailing cloth In this season's stylos, and Ib trimmed
with a lighter shade (or white) ostrich plumo. Follow
ing an order of fashion, that no hat or garment is the
latest call unlosa there is a touch of fur. No. 1 is the
moat modish in tho picture. It is made of plush or vel
vet, and tho bow In front Is of a contrasting shade of
ribbon. Tho edging of fur gives It the touch that ranks
it among tho prettiest hats of tho soason.
Whose Children's
Birthday Today?
The See's "Utile Folks Birth
day Book" answers that question
every day for your boys and girls.
frank he would confess that he had
slandered us. If he were really wise ,ha
would admit that speech Is good for
others besides philosophers. And then,
too, he would perceive that instead of
multiplying vain talk, the telephone re
Stra)psr It. In' extending the reach of
speech 'it restricts its volume, lofcalfyand
teaches brevity, succ4ntneVs ' 'arid
clearness. No doubt telephone girls arc
gossip sometime, bttt itis a kind , of' re-flnedr--abbreviate,
gossip an Improved
variety; TJiiquesttd'nably love rrfessagea
are bC8Jj5rtalb;.flpolcn toyer the iwiree,
but who. coujd object to thatT They. too.
are . refined, abbreviated Jand nn3e -more
pointed. , .(
The elepndnaa done a gre'ftt deal
tor freedom -of-speech.- 4c)earfnfflT; of oil.
4curtty, or prolixity: of pretensj. oVfalsA
modesty, and especially, of, that element
of personal shrinking which affectsthe
sincerity of utterance, face to face, of
all' but the niqst frank and 'fearless
spirits. Very few.men express their real
thoughts as boldly and straightforwardly
In ordinary conversation as they do In
.the ijuaal Impersonal converse that oc
curs at. the; telephone. Of course, there is
another side to the picture. The man
who has something to conceal behind
his speech of the penetrating eyes of his
interlocutor when he talks by telephone;
he Is, as It were, protected by a screenl
Still, the advantage remains with sin
cerity and frankness, and one can say
a painful, but necessary, thing much
more easily by telephone. Perhaps If the
right of woman to propose marriage Is
ever put Into practice dee Hearst's
magazine for October on this subject).
It will first be done by telephone. The
truth would be told, and the blushes and
confusion spared.
It is unnecessary to refer to the enor
mous saving of time, and the tremendous
facilitation of business that the telephone
has effected. At the close of -131Z the
whole world contained lX.il8.000 telephones,
of which the United States had 8,S47,2S.
and all Europe only S.1M.00O. The city of
Itew York alone possessed U1.128. al
most exactly oouoie ma number pos
sessed by London. Chicago stood third
among tho great cities of the world with
Zn.ZSZ telephones. But Los Angeles and
Ean Francisco held the percentage rec
ord, each having one telephone; fpr about
every tour wnaoiianis.
. After the Jovian Voltaire had studied
the facts ot tbe spot he would go back
and change his tune; he would then de
clare that he X'nlted States was not the
storm center of useless babble, but the
great focus of talk to the purpose of
' speech concentrated to' Its real essence.
Where Do the Women of the World Belong?
In a Happy Home, If They Have One, Says Dorothy Dix, But If Not, They Certainly Belong Among the Workers, Nofc
1 f., ...i the Hangers-on By All Means Send the Women Back Where They Belong.
By DOROTHY DIX.
- t '
A man, was expressing great satlsfae-
jlon dver' the $acf thjit the . new Penn
sylvania law limiting 'the hours a week
that a woman may be worked has re-
ryuea ,n uirowing
thousands of -women
$ut of employment
Ills rejoicing was
not the result of
any sympathy or
compassion for the
poor Industrial
slaves that have
been forced to toll
far beyond their
strength. Nor was
it inspired by any
humanitarian senti
ment toward the
weakly, neurotic
children that these
exhausted mothers
would brln g into
the world.
He was one of
the me n happily
few now who had the ancient faith that
women are a species of animals, created
solely for the service and pleasure of
man; that they have no rights In the
world, not even the right to make an
honest living by their own labor, and
that It Is a sacrilegious thing for them to
dare to compete in business with men.
Therefore, he was delighted to hear of
anything that would cripple their earn
ing power.
"It serves them right." he exclaimed
jubilantly; "a lot of them have been sent
back already where they belong, and a
'lot more will have to go, too. I wish
they would pass a law that would send
every woman in the world back where
she belongs."
So say we all, brother. We would all
! llkr to see a law passed that would send
every woman in me. wona dsck wnero
she belongs.
Before you could pass that law, 'how
ever, you would have to' pass another
law that would usher in the millennium,
and, unfortunately, you can't create the
Ideal conditions of kingdom come by en
acting a statute.
The plactt where every woman belongs
Is In tho center of a happy home, with
plenty to eat and plenty to wear, and a
liubapd..who jQves her, and la good to
her, and faithful to her, and with little
children, amply fed and clothed, playing
In the sunshine about her feet. That's
where every woman belongs.
It if a dlsgrac6 tn civilization, and rtn
outrage on, posterity, when women nre
forced to Med the race as well as to bear
It, that young girls exhaust every' ounce
of their vitality in 'store or factory he
fore ever they come to the great work qf
motherhood, and that married women
nre compelled to give their strength to
performing the work they are hired to. do
lnstecud of giving it to their chlldrden.
Certainly every woman belongs' in a
home where she It cherished and cared"!
lor No one will dispute that. Neither
will any one dispute the fact that ninety
nine and nine-tenths of, the women who.
aro out of their homes are out because
they havo no homes to be In, If there
are any women so madly industrious that
they have left a. luxurious home and a
generous father fir husband for the pleas
uree of standing all day behind of eoun.
ter, or poinding a typewriter, or speed
ing up a machine In a factory, all I can
say is that I have never met one. All
the worklqg wpmen that I know work for
uicau, nn ppi jor run.
Kvery woman belongs in a sheltered
home. Bu .suppose she hadn't got the.
pome, wnere, floes sue belong thenT
Where does the old maid belong, for
Instance? The' last' census report showed
there were 1TJ00.OOQ unmarried men In
the United States. That means a cor
responding number -.at old maids, slnco
no woman can make's, man marry her
unless he wants to. 'Are these 'women to
become parasites on other people, or are
they to be self-supporting T Is It an old
maid's place to settle herself down on
among the hangers-on, don't you?
Not every man Is eminently successful
In business. Many men toll honestly and.
faithfully all their lives, and never suc
ceed in making more than a bare living.
Suppose such a man has grown old and
feeble, and he has a houseful of able
bodied daughters.
Where do these young women belong?
Isn't the place where they belong some
place whore they can make a good liv
ing for themselves and help their parents
instead of working their poor old father
to death to try to feed rfnd clothe them?
In a family where there are healthy, In
telligent girls, are they where they be
long when they hang like a millstone
around a brother's neck, keeping him
from marriage and establishing a homo
pf his own, because he has to support
them? Or are they where thoy belong
when they devote their energies to work
Instead of playing golf, and leave their
brother free to. live his life unburdened
by his female -relatives? It Is often suld
that the reason that men can't marry
nowadays Is because of tho competition
In business with women. The reverse of
this Is true, for every sister who goes out
to earn her own living leaves her brother
free to marry soma other woman.
Where doeo a womaq belong If her
Advice to the Lovelorn
Dy HKATIUOR PAIRI'AX.
No.
Dear Miss Fairfax I am IS and deeply
In love with a young man three years
my senior. He declares he loves me,
and me only, but he flirts with every
strange girl he sees. He has been known
to give presents to some other young
girls of his acquaintance, and also takes
them to entertainments. Do. you think
he really loves me as he says he does?
J. M. B.
tits great love is lor himself. A man
some family that doesn't want her, or to ! who flirts Is vain, weak, fickle and silly.
tlll.fl ... .. . L. . . If. M.l . V, .... t, .
.,v -v . . . kj uv luim li j iiivi g iiiuu Vila
hustle out and get a job of her own?
Which way will the woman bf jumpiest
and most useful to society? I think she
woman, a characteristic in a man which
spella woe for every woman who la
J
husband Is invalided, or If he dies. leiv.
Ing her with little children and not a
dollar to support them on? Doesn't she
belong out In the working world then,
whero she can earn the money to sun-
port those dependent upon her? Surely
sne is in her appointed place doing
whatever work comes to her hand, and
the pity fof It Is that the place is oftn
so hard and its wages so poor,
nerni the women back to where thoy
belong." They go there, brother.
Wherever there Is need and want;
wherevor there la sickness and suffering;
wherever there are Infirm old people to
be cared for, or helpless little children to
be fed and clothed, there la whero a
woman belongs, and there you will find
her. , .
To begrudge a woman the right to earn
an honest living for herself and thoso
dependent on her Is the quintessence of
human meanness. That any man could
do It passes comprehension. A billion
souls the size of his could exist on the
point of a cambric needle and not be In
telephoning distance of each other.
sbbb'-bbbbbI
VassSBStBBSTSSM
It was 131 years ago, December 4, 1783,
that Oeneral Washington said farewell
to his officers at Fraunce'a Tavern. lie
had fought the good fight, ho had fin
ished his course, ho had kept ihp faith,
and h e n c n f orth
thcro was laid up
for him tho Wgo
and radiant fame
which he had so
fairly won.
The Continental
army hod been dis
banded on the 3d
of November, and
on the SSth of the
month Blr Quy
Carleton's redcoats
had embarked from
Now .York, The
long fight was
over and the audacious bravado of July
4, 1778. was made good. The United Cot
onlea w'ero free, and ould soon "assume
among tho powers of the earth' the' sep
arate and equal station' t6 which the laWa
of nature and of nature's Ood entitled
them."
With deep emotion the great and good
man, who for seven years had led the
patriot soldiers, met his brother officers
to say goodby, to look Into their eyes, to
grasp their hands, to hear the sound pt
their voices, perhaps for the last tlmo.
One after another, says the historian,
they embraced their beloved commander,
while there were few dry eyes In the.
company. The meeting over, they fol
lowed Washington down to the south
ferry, . whero Ills barge awaited ,hm,
watihed the departing boat with hearts
too full for words, and then In solemn
silence returned up the stret.
Those officers had performed their part
nobly. Many, of them had mado great
personal sacrifice In order that they
might serve their country In Its time of
need, and all of them had shown the
coursge and constancy, the obedience
and discipline that characterise the
patriot and the soldier. They adored
their commander; and we may be euro
that tho commander felt for them the
warmest affection and the most exalted
esteem.
From the meeting at Fraun'ees Tavemi
Washington went on to Annapolis, whero
he resigned his command. At Philadelphia
he handed over to the comptroller of the
treasury neatly written manuscript,
containing an accurate statement of his
personal expenses In the public service
since the day he took command of the
army, The sum amounted to H315, Tor
this he was reimbursed, but for his per
sonal services he would take no pay.
SCIENCE CANNOT EXPLAIN
What sleep Is.
How an eye sees.
What electricity Is.
How a firefly lights Its lamp.
How a seed grows Into a tree,
How a rose makes Its perfume.
Whence the sun gets Its heat.
"Why -the compass points to the north;
What makes a bird build Its first nest
What causes the sex of a baby or an
animal.
What happens when food Is oxidised In
the system..
What change takes place In Iron when
It Is magnetized.
What makes rain fall In some places
and not In others.
How a bloodhound tracks a man by the
smell of his footprints.
What makes an apple fall to the ground
and not fly off In the air.
How a bird can fly In the dark through
a forest without hitting the trees.
How glands that are identical in struc
ture ecret absolutely different fluids,
New York .World.
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and frre from dandruff Is merely a mat
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It Is easy and Inexpensive to have nice,
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all drug stores recommend It apply a
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Danderine Is, we believe, the only sure
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If you want to prove how pretty and
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