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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 13, 1913)
10 THE BEE: OMAHA, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 1913. THE OMAHA DAILY BEE Fll'NDKD BY KUWADD HOSBWATgn VICTOR ROdEWATKK. RDITOn. BEK- BU1LDINO. FAttNAM AND 17TH. Entered at Omaha postofriee as second class matter. TERMS OF UltUSCIlIITlON: Sunday Ue. one year JJ0 Saturday Bee, one year l-J$ Daily nee. without Sunday, one year. 4.00 Dally Bee, and Sunday, one year.... 6.00 DSLivEnnD bt CAimiEn: Evening and Sunday, per month. ......40o Evening, without 8unday. per month.&c Dally Bee. Including Sunday, per rno.6f.o Dally Bee. without Sunday, per .m-c Address all complaints of irregularities In deliveries to City Circulation Dept. REMITTANCE. Remit by draft, express or postal order, payable to The Bee Publishing company. Only 2-cent stamps received In payment of small accounts. Personal checks, ex cept on Omaha and eastern exchange, not accepted, OFFICES! Omaha The Bee building. South Omaha 231 N Street. Council Bluffs-1( North Main Street Lincoln-26 Little building. Chicago 801 Hearst building. New York-Room 1106, 2S6 Fifth Ave. St Louie 603 New Bank of Commerce. Washington 725 Fourteenth Bt.. N. V" CORRESPONDENCE. Communications relating to news and editorial matter should be addressed Omaha Bee. Editorial department. AUGUST CIRCULATION, 50,295 State of Nebraska, County of Douglas, ss. Dwlght Williams, circulation manager of The Bee Publishing company, being duly sworn, says that the average dally circulation for the month of August, WU, was 00,235. DW1CJHT WILLIAMS. Circulation Manager. Subscribed in my presence and sworn to before ma this 4th day of Bentomber, Notary Public. Another Public Benefactor. A new benefactor of mankind comes to light in the person of Mr, W. N. Miller of St. Clalrsvlllo, O., if he can provo his claim of having pro duced nn odorless onion. For the necromancer who does that will de servo a place besido the famous hor ticultural wizard, Mr. Luthor Bur- bank of California, and that, too, whether he lifts his ingenius hand to nother such task or not. If ho suc ceeds in deodorizing the onion ho will avo done all that one man need do to ingratiate himself forever in the affoctlons of the race. Only one other prayer might be directed at him that he move to Texas and open up doodorizlng plants throughout the onion belt of that state, for Texas UBt will ralso Its onions. But a deodorized onion is more than a subject of Jest. The onion is most nutritious vegetable and greatly needed in the average diet. But for the noxious smell it undoubt edly would bo as popular as it is nu tritious. If tho Ohio magician pans out successfully our food supply will bo vastly enriched and tho value of an Important crop vastly enhanced. Subscribers lenvln the elty temporarily should hve The Dea mailed, to then. Address trill b changed mm often as requested. Yes, but will Bogs. Howell put his back without a court order? But there Is nothing diaphanous about thq prices of those flimsy gowns, I - The "cob-web" gown la hailed ea the last word in flimsies, Look out f nr amMfr. ,WU1 tho death of Mayor Oaynor yet forco Brother Hearst to sacrifice himself again?. The maudlin sympathy of those Coatlcook cranks must disgust even the object of it. Are those Canadians such simon- pure Britons that they could not see the Joker in that poker game? Our lde r a tightwad is the chap who keeps the smoking cigar stumV in his hand insldo the street Car. And the Press Did It. It Is public opinion that has driven the corruptlonlsts from our legislative halls and restored the agencies of government to tho neonlo: that has onened Ihn ovm of the publfo on such important matters an railroad rates, rebates, trust control. tho exploitation of natural resources, the sins of tho Judiciary and tho tariff. Since n the United states public opinion, ami not congress or the president Is -king, the man who. controls public opinion will easily control the nation. Itself. Thus writes Senator Charles 8. Thomas of Colorado in tho World's Work, discussing "My Adventures With the Sugar Lobby." Whether or not conditions aro now as sound as ho describes, they are better than thoy UBOd to bo, Much improvement has been made and is duo, as bo says, largely to 'public opinion. But public opinion was not a selMmpelllng power in producing tho change Tho public was first to be Informed, then aroused to action, and tho press of tho country, moro than any other single factor, Is re sponsible for the work of education. It goes without saying, it tho promise Is correot, that the Influenco of tho American press is as a whole on tho side of right and Justice, and. Intel ligently applied, brings rosults, for the limelight of publicity is an irre sistible forco. Senator Rowlands had a good tlmo kicking, but came into camp and voted for, the tariff bill like tho rest of them. Even though it took three months to break the drouth of the middle westi it came nowhere near breaking the Middle west. The Tennessee parson who boasts a record of 5,000 marriages has beaten Solomon, but haw about that other marrying parson of whom we wot? Talking of star chamber, work, tho most perfect example of tho real thing oa record is that of the now ruling democratic machine In. con gress. It is observed that In the Maine. Third district election the bull moos era aro no longer able to elect demo crat: to office by running & third ticket, t Tk-wt realnds us once more, Where J tkat otker city that was going to tempt our Water board bona away ; from, vm by offering him a bigger PI.MT7? Xexlce, Japan, China, Tammany, Thaw and the extra, session of con Trees will soon have to stand aside for the crew&tng event of the year, the w aria's series. I The death of a Massachusetts con' eressraan may give ub another by election that will furnish a straw pointing tho way the political wind Is blowing in New England. "Ethel Bird Quit Nursing to Marry." lleadllne. Another dove of peace caught in the maelstrom of war. Ban Francisco Sost. Is that the meaning, of matrimony In San Francisco? Governor Morehead is going back to the horse, discarding his auto, What's the matter? Would it be different if tho state furnished an official auto and bought the gaso line? 'II . Ill'lt i wurisv r q BacWard fa Omaha J ROM DJtE. SEPl. 13. nuts 7 poo In Other Lands Awakening1 and Unrest, A contemporary discusses tho awakening of our citizens dlsclonod by tho growing spirit of criticism and complaint against city officials, and the public Bervlce generally. Every one will agree that aa alert, vigilant and uncompromising public con science Is a good thing for every com munity in fact, is absolutely neces sary to keep It alivo and in stop with tho march of progress, There is a difference, however, betweon mero captious fault-finding, petty opposl tion Just for tho sake of opposition, objection without offering anything better as a substitute and tho broad, suggestive, constructive criticism that loads to reform and Improve ment or to tho entrenchment of sound principles ef popular government. Every public official ought to wol come honest discussion of his acta and objects though adverse to them, but complaints designed merely to hamper, and not to holp, are of ques tlonable value to the community. It 1b a real awakening, not Just unrest. that speeds up tho motlvo power of municipal progress. Thirty Years Ago Kor once the I nlon Pacifies downed the Port llurons, who succeeded in leaving a goose egg beside the home team's fourteen runs. "It is mildly suggested that the Port Hurons simply held their ammunition for the slaughter of the new two games." Completion of the Falconer block has enabled the Crulckshank store to double Its space for tho fair week trade, al though tho grand opening has had to be postponca for ten (lays. Tho fourth day of the state fair suf fered from a wet blanket, but the crowds made tho best of the mud and pools Of water, Tho old favorite, Fay Templeton, reap peared at the lloyd In "Olivette." Inci dentally, we are Informed that "all of Fay's costumes befitted her charmingly 8ho mads her appearance In a short skirt of red satin and big hat, and cor sage boquet as big, and changed it for creamy mother hubbard in Spanish lace. In tho second act she was dressed In grey satin, and In the third act was dressed In pink silk tights followed by a long dress and heavy veil, a Spanish costume in which she was most bewitch ing of all." Marshal Illerbower was presented with a gold-headed cano by lion. Beach Ilenmon of North Platte. The Atchison Olobo Is quoted as say ing, "Perhaps the proudest man In Omaha today Is F. M, MoDonagh. About twenty years ago ho was kicked by a newspaper correspondent. That correspondent Is now &tanley I, emperor of Congo. It is not every one who can boost having been kicked by a monarch." ' To which The Ceo adds: "We nominate 'Little Mao' as vice president of tho Congo." Mr, and Mrs. George Hume and their daughter, Mabel, left for a month's so journ through the west, to visit at Green Illver and Salt Lake City, and return by way of Denver. , Twenty Years Ago The union Faolflo won a victory right In the camp of Its employes. Some months before five men on Its Catsklll branch were hauled up for drinking while on duty and General Manager Dickinson, after hearing the evidence, dismissed them. They resisted and .appealed to their grievance committee. It was agreed to call in Grand Chief P. M. Arthur of the engineers and Grand Conductor 13. E. Clark of the conductors, the men to abide by their decision. Arthur, accom panied by A. B. Garretson, Clark's as sistant, came on for the 'case, heard tha evidence and sustained Dickinson's ruling. Curtis Lee, son of F. W. Lee, accldently shot himself In the foot while experimenting-with a-target' rifle. The wound was regarded aa serious. William Frahon employed by the F. L. Cotton Ice company,' was' thrown by a fractious horse at the foot of Davenport street and sustained several scalp wounds and a fractured arm. Mr. and. Mrs. W. G. Tompleton left for Chicago to visit the World's fair. Edward T. Grossman left to resume his duties at the University of Pennsylvania, topping on. route to visit the World's fair at Chicago. President S. II. II. Clark of the Union Paclflo received word from Boston of tho death of F. U Ames, well known In Omaha, where he had investments. Currency Prospects Ten Years Aa The highest temperature for the day was 68. "The only practical test of a man's love Is his life," .said Rev A. 8. C. Clarke at Lowo Avenue Presbyterian church. Omaha and South Omaha Irish-Amer ican women met at the homo of Mrs, George Park, Twenty-fifth and C streets, South Omaha, to plan for the coming to Omaha September 27 of Colonel John F, Blake, commander of an Irish brigade In the Doer war against the English, to make an address on the 100th anniversary oi me aeum oi mt a rem-ini yniriui. Robert Emmet, 'rsttin1lA tntrthra nf thn International Typographical union met at Labor temtthat principle the lines of least resistance Oar Retailers. The retail merchants of Omaha are to be congratulated oa the successful completion of tho first year of their organization, which glvos every sign of having achieved a permanent footing. There aro so many ways In which the co-operation of the retail ers may promote, not only their mu tual Interests, but those of their patrons, and also tho Interests and progress of the city as a whole, that the force of their concentrated effort cannot fall to be felt. As long as tho association keeps to Us purposes of botterlng trade conditions, stopping abuses and impositions and lmprov lng relations between employer and employe, It will have the unqualified approval and cordial support of the public. The next ecene in the great inter national farce-comedy entitled, "Who's Loopey Now?" will show the great state of New York getting Thaw, the demon, out of New Hamp shire. Buy your tickets early. What's this? One of the local Water board organs pointing with pride to competition of water supply In London through the unlimited privilege of well-boring? That Is exactly what our water district bill as originally drawn was Intended to prevent, its avowed aim being to es tabllsh a complete monopoly for our water plant. But, of course, It's dif ferent in London. The credit bureau of the Retailers' association reports that it has ratings on 7,500 customers of local mer chants. We trust that means there are 7,500 customers entitled to credit, not 7,500 customers not enll tied to credit Why should the Water board pay its undisputed bills? Isn't it profit ble to the banks to let the Water board pay ihi per cent on the 11,000,000 of borrowed money dcr posited with them at 2 per cent so they can reloan 11 at from 6 to 8 pw est? Mr. Compere testifies that the American Federation of Labor spent Just 8,469 in tho campaign of 1008 Of course, he means that It spent only that much of Its own money, The amount the so-called labor lead era tapped the Bryan campaign fund for tiiat year would make these fig ures look like 30 cents. Mr. Bryan has sued a police chief In the south for $100 damages tor holding a piece of Jewelry he recov ered longer than he thought he hould bold It. We hope he wins It, for that will be almost half the price of one lecture. Work for I'eneemaUers. The recent dedication of the Carnegie Temple of Peace at The Hague Is hailed as a harbinger of International better ment. Certainly the time chosen for the event put In bold relief tho hopes and aspiration of the peacemakers against n background of warlike clouds. There Is much work ahead for those who would cast the spell of amity and good will over a restless world and banish the spirit of gteed, out of which springs International strife. It is a mighty task, calling for high courage, dauntless perseverance, In telligence and grit Against the peace makers line up the aggressive forces of militarism, of naval rivalry and organized lower of gun founders, armor plate and powder makers, and the countless bene ficiaries of the system. While the big powers aro successfully holding down the lid of war at tho present time, enough Internal strife racks minor nations to tost the influence of the new temple as a peace promoter. Mexico Would be greatly benefited if the warring factions were Induced to argue their claims without killing each other. An equally large field for peace overtus is the young republla of China, where rival advocates of Mon gol liberty arc shooting each other with Intent to kill. Japanese mobs, in shout ing for war, exhibit an Urgent need for a soothing, poultice. Several revolutions are sputtering In South American re publics. Though Aot of much conse quence, sandwiched with Mexico, China and Japan, they constitute an Imposing group on which The Hague treatment can be tested. A reasonable degree of suc cess with the minors should be helpful in Inducing the major powers to carry their troubles to Carnegie's temple. Counting the Cost. The latest revision" of the map of the Ealkan states emphasizes in a striking way the humiliation of Bulgaria and the nulears. Starting in the war with Turkey confident of becoming the domi nant power of tho Balkan peninsula, Bul garia emerges from the fray with barely enough additional territory to make a cemetery for its dead. A gain "of 10,000 square miles of Turkish territory Is off set by a loss of 9,600 square miles of Bulgarian territory to Rumania. Greece fared best of all the allies, having an nexed 39,000 square miles, with Servla a close second, having added 19,000 to Its original area of 21,000 square miles. Mon tenegro Is credited with a territorial gain of 1,500 square mllese, sliced off of north ern Albania. For these big and little gains the Balkan states together sacri ficed 218,000 lives and spent saH,000,000. The totals would be vastly Increased If they Included lives lost by massacreB and epidemics, the value of private property destroyed and of the farming and other Industries suspended, the bankruptcy of commercial houses and alt the incidental misery and ruin caused by war. Home Rnlr by 'Consent. Lord Dunraven heads a movement among the' aristocracy of Ireland to bring about a compromise among the friends and enemies of home rule which will make the pending measure fairly satisfactory to all. His efforts are sup ported by the "All-for-Ireland" party, of which William O'Brien and Timothy Heaty are the spokesmen. It Is argued that the home rule bill in unsatisfactory in its financial provisions and needs modification with a view to conciliating Ulster. Lord Dunraven urges a confer ence of representatives of all factions and makes an earnest plea for concilia tlon, He says: "For the sake of the empire of the Imperial Parliament, and of' progress In a contented Ireland, the prob lem must be solved. A solution to be per manent must be satisfactory to all rea sonable men. The bill, as It stands, does not, and cannot, fulfill that condition The Immediate question before the gov eminent Is how to extricate themselves and the country from a menacing post tlon. Tho question facing the opposition is how to avoid becoming Invelved in a position different In some respects but equally menacing. Federalism Is free from the economic objections to Indc pendence. It Is elastic and can be adopted to the requirements of Ulster, and the adoption of devolution In other units of the United Kingdom. It is In pie and adopted resolutions disclaiming the construction placed on & certain clause In thetr constitution by Bishop Scannell and named a committee to watt upon and explain the case to the bishop. Tha clause in question was that touching the printer's allegiance to his union, which many prominent Catholic clergy men over the country. Bishop Scannell Included, Interpreted to mean that this allegiance preceded the Catholic printer's fealty to his church. The printers dis claimed this and thought they would have no difficulty In setting the matter straight before the prelate - Twice Told Tales People Talked About Rudolph Hedler, of near Fergus Falls, Minn., killed hlmielf the other day be cause he had sold his farm too cheaply. Ph I Stpler, the village barber of Darby, Pa., has quit the business with a score of forty-one yar scraping the town's mugs and calling "next" 290,030 times. Next! Mrs. Bllen Deeming Grangsrow, a wealthy Umatilla Indian, has obtained a divorce from her ninth husband. Grant Nicholas Grangerow, and voluntary set' tied upon his as "alimony" tJ.000. Dr. Schlmmelpfennlg of Waco, Ga., al ways travels under an assumed name In order to escape embarrassment. Neither bell hops, hotel clerks nor telephone oper ators are ever able to get his name cor rectly. California la not the femtntne paradls some women picture it. Although Mra. K)rk C. Lander showed the court that she married Lander to help him through a surgical operation and never lived with him, the heartless court refused hei a divorce. Zue McClary, who Is tha daughter ot a Minnesota clergyman, la the only woman who is a manager of midways. When- she was left & widow with thres children to support, she turned to thq buHness of providing sideshows for fairs. and so successful has she been that at the end of eight years she ootnpetss with the greatest m?n In tha fair business. John Hronlow, a Chicago saloon' keeper, went Into court to collect a S19 bill tor goods delivered. Ila caroa out much wifr and PS out of his pocket Here U tha way the court handed it to fclm: "Now, Bronlow, this court is ot the opinion that any saloon keeper wio ex. tends credit to a poor man with a fam ily and tires hint whiskey and then -rues him to take away the few dollars from his family Is guilty of disorderly con duct, I fine you tIS." will. 1 think, be found. But the adoption of a principle can be determined only by friendly discussion. Everything points to a conference." 4 Irish Parliament Leaders. . i . . ii. . a i .. . . an iimrcsunB torccasi or me position of parties when the first Irish Hous ot Commons meets next year has been made by Shaw Desmond, a well-known Irish Journalist. He anticipates that John Red mond, "Conservatives of Conservatives," will have a party 100 strong. Facing him. their present threats of boycott notwith standing, will be the Orange trreconclli bles. thirty or forty In number, while to William O Brlen he concedes a group of only five or six. T. M. Healy, he says, will lead a clerical party. In course of time, however, Desmond predicts there will be only two parties In the Irish Parliament, the Conservative-Nationalists and the Labor or Democratic party, the latter led by J. Devlin, M. P., who will gather behind' him the cohorts of Indus trial Belfast and Dublin. Devlin, how ever, will have to reckon with Jim Lar- kin and an Irreconcilable faction of Sty idealists. "The religious cry under home rule will no longer appeal to the masses of the Irish people," we are as sured. "Once divorced from the political struggle, the religions dlttlcnulty will solve Itself." Italy's Birth Rate. Italy, Ilk Franca and Germany, lu dis turbed over the growing specter of de clining birth rate. The average birth rat la thirty-four per tO00, but Ligurla and Piedmoiyt recently fell to twenty-five per 1.000. "If it continues at the present rate," says a Kotije correspondent, "the surplus of southern Italy will have to compensate for the falling off of tho northern part of the country. The result obviously will bo a decline in emigra tion. A country with S7.000.000 people cannot afford to loss more than 700,000 a year, and when the two regions begin to show losses in population it la likely that tha government will take steps to dis courage emigration. Administration I.onr Control. Washington letter to the Boston Trans cript. The administration has completely lost control of the banking and currency com mittee, through the defection of Senators Hitchcock and O'Gorman. With these two submitting t6 tho whip, any old thing In the way ot a banking bill would be re ported, but both decided that they owed duty to their own constituents as clearly as the president does to the coun try, and they resolved that Chairman Owen had tried to lead them around long enough. The Weeks resolution, postpon ing legislation until December, could havb been reported out had Weeks forced the Issue. When Senator Owen learned this Important fact he Inquired of the Bay state senator whether he. was playing for delay for the purpose of killing the bill. Owen threatened that It this was tho case ho would have the committee enlarged and call a democratic caucus to Jam through the bill, and this would have been the wildest kind of a courso to pur sue, for Owen could not get the present bill through a democratic caucus In two months. But Senator Weeks saved the Oklahoma senator this grave, mistake by Informing htm that while ne would not pledge himself to vote for tho bill In' the senate he would work with the commit tee to the best of his ability to perfect the bill, alter suitable hearings had been given. Prrssnre of Spoil. Pressure ot a character little short of appalling has been exerted by the admin istration to whip 'men Into line in sup port of its measures. Senator James A. Ileed of Missouri Is a member of tho banking and currency committee and has been decidedly critical of the Glass bill- In. the committee Reed has mystified his colleagues and the banker-witnesses by a series of questions dealing with the rudi ments of banking which have occupied most of the time of the committee. In fact, Reed has monopolized most ot the dialogue, and haB made It clear that he had little admiration for the measure the administration was trying to put through. He so delayed the hearings that a witness who easily could have finished In two or three hours if questioned intelligently, occupied one and even two days. May 15 the commission of tho postmas ter of St. Louis expired. Senators Reed and Stono lined themselves up in favor ot the appointment of Tolln M. Felph. Charges that he had a bad record were lodged with tho postmaster general and backed by men like ex-Governors David R. Francis and Joseph W. Folk. Rolla Wells, Secretary of Agriculture David F. Houston and others who believed that Mr. Felph was conspicuously unfit to be honored with a commission. Tho presi dent may have noted tho performances of need In the banking and currency committee and he may have heard the gossip that Reed was being counted with Hitchcock and O'Gorman as refusing to follow the dictates of the administration. However that may be, Felph's nomina tion for the postmasteVshlp of St. Louis was sent to the senate last Saturday aft ernoon and after a few hours ot stren uous work by Reed and Stono the nomi nation was confirmed. Today's hearing by tho banking and currency committee brought out only one unimportant Wit ness and Reed kept silent or remained away. Illtchcoclc Probably Implacable. Probably no attempt to placate Mr. Hitchcock will bo made, for he Is the s Worn enemy of Bryan and could not come Into line for the Bryantzcd bank ing bill without shifting his political po sition completely. O'Gorman may or may not Btay put, but It is evident that he has everything to gain and nothing to lose In his own state of New York by op posing certain features of" a measure which is designed primarily to do all the Injury possible to New York banking and business. OrlnKlng Walsh Into Line. Possibly in O'Gorman's case results might be accomplished by some such stu pendous leverage as was employed to bring Senator Walsh of Montana around to vote for the tariff bill. Walsh had made a campaign against free wool and was committed as unqualifiedly to voting against It as a man could be. His tariff speeches In the senate were those of u man In an unhappy position and when Warren of Wyoming and ethers would try to tie him down to a promise that he vould vote as he prayed, he Invariably declined to reply. But important Irriga tion projects have been accomplished In Montana and more are contemplated; and, according to friends of Senator Walsh, the senator received frank noti fication that If he permitted himself to be the cauee of defealtng the tariff bill It would be Impossible for the work- upon Irrigation projects In that state to con tinue. No such exhibition ot political manipu lation ever has been given as has been witnessed In the attempts ot the present administration to hold Its partisans In line for Its measures. So far, whenever President Wilson cracks the whip a Jump of at least ten feet may be ex pected of every democratic senator save one. Even the Louisiana senators, nans dell and Thornton, who are against the tariff bill because of free sugar, havo been scrupulously regular upon all other items. In fact, they have been allowed to vote against the bill by common consent and without penalty In the knowledge that their votes could not defeat the bill. Ia Senate Dlnffetlt The currency question Is not so easy. The, Glass bill could not survive a sena torial caucus In Its present form, even Bhould the administration Insist upon caucus discipline. The president has completely bluffed the senate on his pet idea of getting1 the bill through at the special seBalon, but it Is evident now that he can do no more than go through the motions ot keeping congress in session to enact It the senators themselves hav ing recovered enough Independence to enable them to pack their grips and leave town, to be gone until cool weather. JVo Convolution. J. Pierpont Morgan's collection ot .Chi nese porcelains was Incomparable and to a woman who onco told him so he Bald: "I have loved good china all my life. I am like the dear, old woman, who de clared: " There's nothing to compare with tha talamlty of losing a pleco of superb china.' " 'But, surely, surely,' said the minis ter's wife, 'it isn't as bad as losing n child.' " 'Yes, It Is, too,' said the old woman, tossing her head. 'When a child dies, you have the consolation of religion.' " And He A Van Ilobbed. Tho amenities ot political campaigning are amusingly Illustrated by a rtory tod by a southern congressman. It nppcars that during the course of a stump speech delivered some years ago by John Sharp Williams In Missis sippi ho was Interrupted by a sudden yell from a man In the audience. "I have been robbed by pickpockets." "I did not know that there were any republicans present," promptly suggested Mr. Williams, in order to got a laugh. "Oh, there ain't, there ain't!" roared tho unhappy man. "I'm the only one!" Lipplncott's Magar.lnc. Cinlluntry. Tho conversation turned to gallantry, and Senator Joseph E. Ransdell of Lou isiana, reflectively smiled. He said that few people could be so gallant as a cer tain groccryman under tho same palnt'i! conditions. Recently, according to the story told by tho senator, a young woman-weighing about Z2S pounds was gracefully waddling down tho street, when she step'ped on a banana skin In front of a grocery store. The banana skin being right on tho Job, the young woman immediately be gan to -fly in several directions at the same time, and finally landed large and plenty Into a crate, of fresh country eggs. "How very unfortunate, madam," so licitously cried the groccryman, rushing to her succor. "I trust that you are not hurt!" "Not the least bit, thank you," said tho young woman as she arose to her feet "I really hope that I haven't broken your eggs." "Oh, no, madam, not at all," was the gallant rejoinder of the groceryman. "They aro only slightly bent." Pitts burgh Chronicle-Telegraph. GRINS AND GROANS. "When I was your age," the self-made mnn comnlalned. "I was not spending money that had been earned by, somebody els." . "Well," his son replied, "youimlssed a good thing." Chicago Reconf-IIerald. "Yonder star," said the astronomer, "Is moving through space at the rate of mil lions of miles a minute." "It seems reckless," replied the weary official. "But thero are some things that even the Interstate commerce commission cannot bo expected to regulate." Chicago Tribune. Boy (who has Just lost a sack race) Aw, It ain't fair!" Manager What's not fair, sonT Boy Lcttln' dat girl In do raco Couise she'd win. Ain't she used to dent narrer skirts? Indianapolis Star. Maiden Aunt Venice at last! One-half of tho dream of my youth Is 'now ful- Nieee Why only half, auntie? Aunt (sighing) I contemplated going to Venice on my wedding tour. Boston Transcript. "Des your boss ever" find fault with you?" "Never." "He must be a fine sort of a man." "Ho Is; I work for myself." Indian apolis News. Mrs. Nowrocks Dear me. We must leave Paris tomorrow and wo are only up to page nineteen of the guidebook. Mr. Newrocks Mark the place and we '1 come back next year and .begin at puga twenty. Puck. "You don't really quarrel with your wife, I am sure. What you have are only sham battles." "Yes, but she persists In putting them all over tho pillows." Baltimore Ameri can. ' HOME JOYS. London Tit-Bits. .An ache In tho back and an ache in tha arms. All on account of the baby. A fear and a fright and a thousand alarms. All on account of tho baby. From cellar to attic a clutter of things. From morning to night and to morning" again More fuss and more fume than an army of men. And a hend that is stupid for lack of Its sleep, And a heart where a flood of anxieties on account of the baby. A Joy In the heart and a light In the eyes, All on account of the baby. A growing content and it growing sur prise. All on account of the baby. And patience that conquers a myriad frets, And a uunshlny song that another bo gets. And pureness of soul as a baby is purq, And surcnesa of faith as the children are sure. And a glory of love between husband and wife. And a saner and happier outlook on life. All on account of the baby. ACTIVITIES OP WOMEN. Miss Viola Miller, policeman In Ottawa, I1L, has the distinction of reforming that town In one month. The youngest newspaper editor In Kan sas is a glrL She Is Miss Leah Kettle, and she gets out the Austin Journal, a weekly paper. She la 17 years old. Mrs. Bora Del Oakley ot Adams Corners, K. Y., unltaahed her bulldog when she saw a thief lotting amy with 2300 worth of valuable. Tin: doe retrlved the prop erty and secured a pari ot the thief's I trousers. Just Suppose Beware. of the beauty that's only paint deep. Perform ances, not promises, measure the worth of an automobile. "Beauty is as beauty does," and the Ford car has a record unmatched in the world's, history. By that record you should judge it. Five hundred dollars Is the new price of the Ford runabout; the touring car Is five fifty; the town car seven fifty all f. o. b. Detroit, complete with equipment. Get cat alog and particulars from Ford Motor Co., 1916 Harney St, Omaha. I 111 ' v I dly LANPHER THE BEST HAT SOLD FOR YOUNG AND OLD Thm Bmrnt Food "Brink Lunoft &f Fasmtalns insist Upon ORIGINAL UAni liT'C genuine nMlmLilWi 9 Avoid Imitations Yako No Suhstliuto Rich milk, malted grain, in powder form. Mere healthful than tea or coffee. For infants, invalids and growing children. Agrees with the weakest digestion. Pure nutrition.upbuilding the wholebody. Keep it on your sideboard at home. Invigorates nursing mothers and the aged. A quick lunch prepared in a minute. Indianapolis News: Just suppose that Senator JTorrls's amendment to impost an Inheritance tax of 73 per cent on be quests exceeding 5tO.00Q.0O) had ben adopted, and some rich uncle that you bad never heard of had left you men amount? How annoyed you would be? New TotX Sun: Would Senator No nit of Nebraska allow infant chUdrcn K Inherit from tbetr fathers? Such infant have neer raised obo linger to da an useful work toward eamtm; that ac cumulated wealth," Would St is tor Nur rls accept a legacy? The Sensation Of the Decade A Tale of tha Most Won Jarful Journey Sinca tin Vajap of CoImiYjs Dr. Frederick A. Ocok's Book "My Attainment of the Pole" At the Publisher's Cost, 75c, Postage Kxtra, 13c, At Mogsatii's Stationery Stores 1-121 Farnam. 2iiJ Bo. ICt