THE BEE: OMAHA, MONDAY, AUGUST 4, 1913.
1
THE OMAHA DAILY BEE ,'
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JUNE CIRCULATION.
50,401
State of Nebraska. County of Douglas. :
Dwljht Williams, circulation manager
ef The Boe Publishing company, being
duly aworn. iay that the average dally
circulation for the mjnth of 'June. WJJ,
waa W,)l. DWlOUT WILLIAMS.
Circulation Manager.
Subscribed In my presence and awrn
to before me this Jd day of July,
ROBERT HUNTER.
(Beat.) NoUry Public
Subscribers lea-Tina- the cltr
leraparattlr ahanld have The Dee.
mailed to them. Address trill be
chnnaed often na reqaealed.
"Is dramatic taste changing?'
asks the Chicago Inter Ocean. You
mean coming batik to Ufa?
Four Omaha boys have been pro
moted in the navy. You just cannot
Jxoep ttaoso Omaha boys down.
Venezuela's Jealous prldo would
Dot pormlt it to stay out of tho belli
cose Umollgbt another day.
Let somo brave banker take Sec
retary MCAdoo at hl word and of for
him some of that collateral,
Even it stylo docB put velvet bands
on men's hats this autumn,, sane
men cannot be made to keep them
there.
That "Slcto man of Europe" seems
to havo passed the convalescent
eta'e, as the boasting Bulears may
l-.ave noticed.
The czar oC Russia, who is said to
Tuit in ten hours at work evory day,
ftobaWy gets as much, na double pay
r overtime.
Mrs. Ella Flgg Young' said that
it 68" she was too old to fight for her
Mlf, yet fighting for a principle won
a fine personal victory '
At that, this greatest, richest ua
llon on earth could easily' afford to
raise the pay, not only of its cabinet
officers, but other public servants, if
they were not adequately compen
sated. The esteemed Outlook refers to
WUUatn Allen White and his Gazette
ot "Emporia, III.4' How fleeting is
tho fame of tho great unafraid men
of the land.
Blnce learning from Colonel Pat
terson, himself, that be never bo
much aa tasted a mint Julep In hU
wbota life, ono is not surprised at his
reuc3.Uon pf the Monroe doctrine.
jyduty is to stay here and earn the
wage the people pay me by a conscien
tious performance of the duties that
come before me every day. Governor
Suiaer of New Tfs-rk.
My. wasn't that a wallop at
npebody!
Mr, Harrissan's mantle of railroad
authority fell upon the shoulders .of
Mr. Lorott, a lawyer.- The new head
of the Northern Pacific Is a, lawyer.
This tendency to Install lawyers as
JlrecUng heads seems to suggest the
pararaountcy ot tho legal prpblems
in railway management.
Keep It before the people that our
Water boarders for yeara dohounced
as "robbery'' the exaction by the
water company of rates in excess of
25 cents a 1,000 gallons, but are now
themselves, 'more than a year- after
possession by the city, still commit
ting the same kind of "robbery."
It's all right to celebrate the nil
ter wedding of Omaha and Council
Bluffs on the twenty-fifth anniver
sary of the opening of the street rail
way and wagon bridge, only It Is like
celebrating tho anniversary ot a sec
ond marriage, because the two cities
Wfre Joined when the Union Pacific
and wagon bridge was opened almost
twenty years before that But then
let's celebrate if it will make any one
happier.
An exhaustive Investigation of de
partment stores in Now York City
warrants a report denying the charge
that employment of women in such
stores conduces to immorality, and
proves, on the contrary, that tremen-
clous steps have been taken to give
department store employes humane
consideration and accommodations
wage workers r few years ago never
dreamed of. What is true In this
respect with reference to New York'i
big stores is true In a greater degree
in up-to-date cities like Omaha.
No Nicaraguan Protectorate.
Refusal of the sonata committee
?u foreign relations to accept tho
proposed treaty with Nicaragua so
far as It provides for a protectorate
by tho United States, Is followed by a
atatument from Secretary Bryan that
he will withdraw that foature of the
treaty "for tho present."
It would be far better, wo believe,
it the administration would announce
complete abandonment of the pro
tectorate Idea, which has not only
failed uttorly to elicit popular re
spond here, but has visibly estranged
the South American republics decid
edly adverse to such extension of our
domain. For us to reach ovor and
assutno guardianship in Central
America without the request or con
sent of the neighbors, is not regarded
by those countries ag a manifestation
ct friendly purpose We havo much
more- to gain by cultivating tho good
will of tho republics to tho south of
us than by loading up with tho pos
clbllity of sharing .Nicaragua's Inter
nal troubles.
Tho best thing for a person to do
when he tlnda he is holding the hot
end of a poker is to let go, which
likowiso applies to us as a nation.
Let the Board Bcoonsider,
It turns out that tho School board
in fixing tho tax Iovy for tho com'ng
yecr by mistake computed the rate
on last year's property assessment
InBtoad Of this year's assessment.
Figured correctly upon the new tax
able valuation, tho proposed levy
would produce nearly $60,000 moro
than tho School board's estimated
needs. As tho levy has not yet been
made effectlvo by tho County board,
the School board can, it it will, re
consider Its action, and provide for
Iht- correction. In our Judgment,
this la what should be done, and done
without delay.
The Automobile Induitry.
What tho autoraobllo moans to the
industries of tho United 8tates is sug
gested in tho foreign commerco sta
tistics showing an exportation dur
ing tho last fiscal year of T40,000,000
worth ot machines and parts, as com
pared with $1,000,000 worth ten
yoara ago. Wo are not buying many
uutos from foreign manufacturers,
importing less than $2,000,000 worth
in the last year.
Carping critics have been prone to
regard tho automobile purely from
the standpoint of a luxury, when as
a matter of fact it represents a gigan
tic industry within Itself. These ex
port figures form but an lndox to
tho lmmonse mazoot industrial activ
ity duo entirely to this one product,
Jn tho manufacture, sale and opera
tion ot which thousands aro em
ployed. And tno by-proauct manteis
that havo been cither created or. stim
ulated W this Industry Is n matter
for nauch reflection.
Steadily as the auto becomes moro
utilitarian, it will decline in price
nearer the reach of the average man
and naturally increase Its Industrial
importance. This country, though
superceded by one or two in Europe
In tho advent of tho machine, is
bound to assume the load In Its man
ufacturo, and it will be but a few
years until our exports aro multiplied
many times.
The demand for a uniform federal
law on dlvorcd surely ceotni to be
emphasized by tho fact that recreant
lusbands may UfiBert their wives and
families in a state making such an
offense a felony and flee tor refuge
to other stage's from which, because
the offense there- is a misdemeanor,
they are not subject to extradition.
Such a situation furnishes food for
serious thought) at least
Governor Major ot Missouri has
arranged to inaugurate officially the
work of highway Improvements by
taking! personal charge of a traction
enfelne for tho occasion. We trust
he will have first made proper ar
rangement with the moving picture
man to have the performance photo
graphically embalmed, to any nothing
ot the possibility ot a small slice ot
the box office receipts.
South Omaha and Florence are to
have cheaper hydrant rental, In
the meantime, the Water board boss
will contlnuo to take It out ot the
little consumers compelled under the
minimum charge to pay for wator
they do not use.
In the "Leaves of Healing," the
palladium of Dowlolsm, we noto this
encouraging bit of information:
Zlon office salesmen are returning to
the field after neveral days at home at
tending the feast of tabernaples.
No true Dowlolto will ever over
look the main chance.
Yuan Shi Kai, who was handed the
presidency ot the China republic on
a sliver platter by Its founder, Dr
Sun Yat Sen, Is repaying hta debt by
taking tho doctor's railroad conces
sions away from him. Oh, but thou
art base, ingratitude!
Governor Tener of Pennsylvania,
once a great base ball pitcher, cut
$23,000,000 from the legislature's
appropriations of $89,000,000, which
Is surely cutting the corners of the
political plate (n great shape.
After careful tine toothcombing
enemies of the home rule charter
have discovered two clerical errors.
If that Is all tho copying mistakes
they find in a document of almost
50,000 words, there Is no holler com
ing on this score.
Looking BacWatxi
ThteDittOniak
i
COMrilULO
ROM Dtfc
JE2ELS AUGUST 4,
? oao
Thirty Years Ago
Attention of everyone at the lower enil
of town wat attracted by the perform
anca of a steeple climber on the pinnacle
of Bt Phllomona's cathedral on Ninth
atreet It wai reported that he waa to
receive SC0 for repainting the croaa and
steeple.
An Interesting game of ball was pulled
off on the 8t. Mary's avenue ground be
tween two nlnea chosen In the freight
auditor's office of the Union Pacific, call
ing themselves, respectively, "The
Thicks" and "The Thins."
F. I Clark, assistant superintendent
of the American and Wells Fargo Ex
press companies, la offering a liberal re
wnrd for the return of his lost book of
annual passes.
The Omaha Street Railway company
haa been lowering the grade of the tracks
on Eighteenth street, which are again In
excellent condition.
The first carload ot fruit shipped Into
Omaha by express from California for
three years was received by the commis
sion house of Farron k Cole. The ship
ment consisted of pears, peaches and
grapes and carried a bill of $800 express
charges.
Mrs. D. 8. Barrlger, corner Eleventh
and Pierce, wants a capable girl to cook
wash and Iron In a smalt family.
The city physician's report Shows that
there were elghty.nlne death In July, as
against seventy-nine birth, and more than
half the deaths were of children under
1 year.
Among the new enterprises acquired by
Omaha Is the Nebraska Cornice and Or
namental Iron workn at Ninth and Jones
streets, organised by William Oalser.
Among the real estate transfers Is the
perfection of a patent by the United
States to D. E, Evans of a parcel of land
In section l-C-10.
Twenty Years Ago i
One hundred and fifty) persons attended
the Institution of Gate City temple or
Pythian sisters at Pythan halt In the
evening. Mrs. J. G. Tipton, deputy chief
ot Nebraska, had charge of the Institu
tion and was assisted by her guest, Mrs.
Ida M. Weaver ot Des Molnos. Several
other out-of-town women attended.
Eddie Lawler was used In the box by
Tom Birmingham for his Conventions
gnlntt the sturdy Young Men's Chris
tian association team In a vain effort to
rtrlove honors. Although Lawler waa
lilt only eight times safely, the Y. M.S
won tho game. They had Connor In the
box ed Lf-sle Abbott catching, with
McKelvey on third. Crelghton caught
for Lawler and Joe Dolan played third.
and got three hits In five times up.
Major Balcombe, member of the "Board
of Majors" with direct charge of the
streets, found It necessary to reduce his
force of thirty-three men and twelve
teams, which was, a smaller forco than
he had been running.
JfUn Jeffcoat addressed some thirty
patient patriots on the money question
at a meeting of the people's party de
batli e club, which though widely adver.
Used failed to bring out the exneetwi
throngs.
Tht, Omaha. View Improvement club
held a meeting to discuss, the matter
of the Lake street a rati e. Which miti
iur a cut or fifty-nine feet at' the ton
ot mo xniny-second street hill.
Ten Yca.n Ago
"8f rrsm Romo was that Cnmlnoi
Guisejpe Barto, patriarch of Venice, had
been elected pope as Plus X to succeed
me ,iaie Loo XIII. Father CoIenurL
chancellor of the diocese of Omaha, com
menting on the selection, pr6nounced It
a move toward the Unity of Italian fac
tions and general harmony.
Mrs. Alda J., wife of John M. Kddy.
2B7 Harney street, died at Mercy hospi
tal. Council Bluffs, of congestion of the
brain.
C. J. Bayer, TJ. a, representing- the
Nebraska Society for the Suppression of
Disease and Degeneracy, came to town
to remain for a while to Interest physi
cians and sociologists In the work of his
organisation.
"We must have tM.COO In cash and the
sooner we pot It the sooner the Audito
rium will be completed, if we can get
It within tho next two weeks the Audi
torium will be under cover in a year."
This was the sentiment expressed by the
board of directors ' at a meeting called
to put pressure behind the project for
which the people were but leisurely con
tributing.
The Union Pactfla announced the sale
of the old Lincoln car to parties for ex
hibition at the Bt Louis world's fair,
the car In which I'reIdent Lincoln trav
eled over battle fields during the war
and that bore his pody from Washington
to Springfield. It hod stood decaying tor
a long ttma in the Union Paclflo shop
yards here.
Around the Cities
An average of one automobile every
three hours ot every day In June was
stolen In the boroughs of Manhattan and
the Bronx,
Marlon county, Indiana, of which In-
dlanapolla Is the whole works. Is about
to put on the bargain counter for local
consumption, 1160,000 worth of bonds
carrying only JW per cent.
Little Old New York plana to put out
a trade mark by which lta goods can be
recognised, when they stray away from
home.
Bacramento, Cat.. reports many
Japanese becoming chauffeurs.
Louisville, Ky., October i. will unveil
a statue of General John B. Castleman.
St. Louis i to have a new (-story hotel
at Eleventh and Pine streets, to coat
J5CO.00O.
New Orleans Is to have one of the
largest wireless telegraphy stations in the
world, to cost tUACOO.
Yale club of New York Is to build a
Z3-story club house on the northwest cor
ncr of Vanderbllt Avenue and Forty-
fourth street-
The "IVrfeot IUu."
Baltimore American.
Wisconsin and Pennsylvania have both
paseed eugenic marriage bill. It Is quite
a worthy ambition to bring about the
perfect race, but there la grave doubt
that it can be legislated into being, any
more than men can be made good, hon
t Ntid true by law. fctll!, the legislation,
however It may be criticised tn Itseir,
.shows a laudable public sentiment for
better thine.
A Long Time Coaalasc,
Washington Post
, The parcel post system moves along In
a way that causes a little surprise that
me government oia not tnma or it sooner.
Twice Told Tales
Uratltude.
After General Balllngton Booth, chief
of the Volunteers of America, had de
livered an address at the Meridian Street
Methodist Episcopal church In Indianapo
lis recently, he was besieged by a crowd
of admirers, all trying- to shako his
hands at once. General Booth, towerlnp
above the crowd, reached his hands down
to them, and as he did so told humorous
stories.
"There was a man once who came up
to me like .this," he said, as he was shak
Ing the hands of one of the men, "and
took my hand and said:
" 'General, you have done a great deal
for me.' '
'"What have I ever done for your I
asked him.
"I had given up his hand for that of
the next gentleman when I heard htm
murmur:
"'You burled my first wife.' "Indian
apolis News.
Her Qneatlon.
A certain prominent dry goods merchant
is also a Sunday school superintendent
Not long, since he devoted the last few
moments of the weekly session to an Im
presslve elucidation of pie parable of the
prodigal son, and afterward asked with
due solemnity If any ono of the "little
gleaners" present desired to ask a ques
tion. Sissy Jones' hand shot up.
"Very well," he said, designation her
with a benevolent finger and a bland
smile, "what Is It you would llko to
know, Cecelia?"
"Please, what's the price of them little
pink parasols In your show window f"
Buffalo Express.
Too Much of a Temptation.
A pompous merchant of Chicago, arro
gantly carrying the signs of his pros
perity about him, accosted an acquaint
ance of his who conducts a successful
rescue mission and said!
'James, I'd like to attend one of your
meetings."
"Certainly," rejoined the minister, "but
leave your watch and diamonds with the
hotel clerk."
Whatl" asked the merchant in aston
Ishment "are not the men of your mission
converted thlevesT"
"True," answered the leader, softly,
"but George, you look so easy and whole
some. Really, I don't want my men to
regret they promised me never to steal
again."
People Talked About
"Wives I Have Known." Is not exactly
the title of Nat Goodwin's story of hs
experience about to be published, but the
story amounts. As three of the five are
living and quite husky. Nat will draw
the long bow gently. He hasn't any
hair to spare.
Chicago la fairly serene once more, the
schools are safe, and the celebrated lake
breeze Is doing its prettiest Mrs. Ella
Flagg Young haa routed the politicians
on the school board and will stay on the
Job as superintendent
The attorney general of phlo, In an
unofficial opinion, hold that parents
hive an undo btd right to makn JudcoU
use ot the spanker on children under legal
age. "In these days of sympathy for
wrong-doers." h Bays, -"It Is not quite
as safe to attempt punishment as In
years gone by when the rod was, con
sidered a safe and salutary Instrument."
Cheer up! Two office holders In
Louisiana have been sent to Jolt for sixty
days for calling another office holder "a
crook and a gTattor."
Mrs. Beth pavls of Bkowhegan has
paid for her home by plcUlntf wild berrlee.
Bhe has been engaged in the Industry for
the last twenty-three seasons. Her
favorite picking is the raspberry and
she averages about fifteen bushels of
raspberries a summer.
In order to Introduce herself and her
little brother, ColUa, to the children of
the neighborhood, Claretnont Guihee,
daughter of H. A. Guehee, who has Just
leased a mansion In Hastings, N. Y., will
give an outdoor theatrical performance to
SCO Hastings children.
The only movable atreet tunnel In ex.
Istence Is being utilised by the Washing
ton street cars of 8an Francisco. The old
residence of Adojph Bpreckela Is being
moved to a new to and the contractors
agreed to move it on stllta so that the
trolley cars could run underneath.
i am now." said Miss Clara Munson
of Warrenton, ore., "mayor, dty attorney
nu cme; qi police. The money we save
oy aispensmg with the services of a dty
attorney and a police officer we are put
ting Into Improvement rebuilding old
sidewalks and putting In new ones."
Signpost of Progress
The Bethlehem steel works at Boulh
Bethlehem, Pa, are about to supplant
steam power with electricity. Contracts
have been let for motors from SS0 to 1.800
horse power.
Mule prices are reported rising in Mis
souri.
More than fifty miles of concrete roads
aro now under construction In Maryland.
more proportionately then In any other
state of the Union.
The largest bridge ever exported from
England and the largest but one ever
built having a total length of S.S3 feet
Is being constructed for use In India,
Chairs with pointed Instead of square
seata have been designed for use with
round dining tables, as they take up less
room when placed under a table when
pec u pled.
For handling garbage In cities there
haa been invented a self-loading 'wagon,
garbage dumped Into a hopper low In the
rear being lifted Into the body of the
wagon by belt conveyor.
can scarcely get enough alimony
from
Hard Lines.
Philadelphia Ledger.
It is getting so that foreign noblemen
their divorced American wives to enable
them to support their, chorus girl brides
tn the manner to which they have been
accustomed. ,
Specific for Sneedmanta.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Mere fines will never reform the speed
maniac. Jails were made for them and
they sem to be made for the Jails. When
ever one ot them ts locked In a cell hu
man life Is safer.
A Clnavd Chapter.
Brooklyn Eagje.
There Is no longer a "'wild west" As
the past rtcedes there la no reason for a
"wild west" show. That chapter of our
history Is ended, and the book Is closed
forever.
Weissfit
em
1'aatorn Knaenlc Expert t
OMAHA, Aug. 2,-To the Editor of The
Bee: The Christian clergy of today Is
tn an anomalous position. At one mo
ment it Is robbed, by present supercul
ture and the opposite, of Its proper func
tions and Influence, coming to It acrlp-
turally. In another moment It Is ex- j
pected to combine In Itself such & multi
plicity of purely secular functions ai
would put to shame the greatest genius
In a single vocation. Just now pastors
are to be eugenic experts. That's Inter
esting! Your editorial, "Putting It Up to the
Clergy," calls on them in noble words
"to exalt the sanctity of the family altar
and purify the wellsprlng ot life." This
Is precisely what every truly Biblical
clergyman has been constantly doing
and the worldly world refused to ilsten"
I know that there are In our American
cities "marrying parsons," who are
leagued In a graft with the license bu
reau. They ore often leaders of Inde
pendent, Irresponsible folds. I know there
are clergymen In churches where wealth
and society dominate the pulpit princi
ples, who Join in marriage the dissolute
social lions and those who are divorced
on grounds other than the single one of
Scripture, namely, adultery. These types
of clergymen advertise themselves and
bring reproach on tho wholo church. The
pastors, again, who have a sound view
of marriage, through the preaching of
all the word of God, are not the loud
men of a community, not the novelty
wizards, not racking their poor brains to
bo "up-to-date." They are busy effect
ing the sublime eugenics of Christian
faith and love which molds marriage and
all life.
Pastors eugenic experts? Experts of a
science whtch, as all know, Is only a
dream of a science as yetT For even
Galton's Inquiries and Saleeby's "Parent
hood and Ilace Culture" (1909) remain
merely sketches of materialism's hopeless
attempt at making a science of that which
finally defies science. "Love laughs at
locksmiths" Is the saying. Love laughs
at mechanistic, materialistic science still
more. Pastora eugenlstst Gramercy! To
what line shall they hew? Bute laws
that put patches on the rent garment of
social llfeT Suppose these laws are aa
rational as the marriage laws?
The scriptural church haa eugenlo prin
ciples. Mark, principles, not laws. But
literature and life flaunt them. Was the'
so-called "marrlae" of George Eliot and
Mr, Lewes, the philosopher, not eugenic
from a physical and Intellectual view
point? Yet the Christian church rightly
calls thetr "marriage" adultery. The
medieval heresy making; marriage a sac
rament has no Biblical warrant. But
"marriage an Institution of God Himself,"
as our marriage service puts it, has. Yet
modern culture, in literature, drama,
art, philosophy, materialistic science and
social lfe scoffs at this faith. On the old
Darwinian theory of development now.
thank God, scientifically qutworn the
Biblical conception wis outruled. Yet
the church's, Influence must be through
Its distinctive means, which ts the ap
plied New Testament teaching. Senescent
uarwiptsm is not her voice.
Christianity. In Its true Scriptural form,
Is the great eugenlo force, because It
grips conscience and frees. It In Pofl. The,
eugenics of a Christlanly enlightened
conscience reaches tho heart of things.
Here, sir, Is where th. church comes to
her true function, the church and her
.pastors. Mere external laws on divorce
and eugenics solve nothing, Look at the
aouth European and South American
countries. Mere state laws solve noth
ing1, finally, for the. human heart and
Will must be reckoned with. Suppose wo
do' qbtaln a reduction af divorce and chief
eugenlo Ills, what ot the venereal horrors
mysteriously coursing through the veins
of the classes ot wealth and society' In
particular, and often among- th common
man? What of temperamental and other
frailties?
I grant that the church can do does
do much for external eugenics. Pray,
what other function of human society
dpea what the church does? But If the
church Is to be, as the editorial wishes.
a still mightier eugenic power, then the
world must listen to the. ohurch'a eugen
leal gospel, that cures sin and so can
cure the marriage miseries. Then the
world must turn away from Bernhard,
Shaw, Ibsen, Strindberg, Maeterlinck,
Nlettsche. It must reject Mrs. Oilman's
cold, maternal disdain ot motherhood,
this furious afraldness of tho stork, so
characteristic decadent elements of Amer
ican life today. It will have to refuse,
also, Ellen Key's and Margaret Deland's
hot unbridling of tho love passion under
the false plea of an anarchical Idealism
which Is nothing but tho flesh demea
The Gothe. Wagner, Nletssche world-
view must got Eugenics, that wputd-be
science ot good mating and good birth,
will never be a practical science for a
sinful humanity, till It takes Christianity
and the Christian oonsdence aa Its re
llnious and ethical motive.
In the degree tha pastora are the eu
gentsts of Christian faith, they become
the most Influential promoters nt what
ever sound eugenic laws and principles
the state may come to adopt fnr its ex
ternal life. The gospel Is, after all. what
ever the sneers at "orthodoxy," the in
comparable eugenlo force, Just because It
Is not mere law, not even "the second
law." aa legalistic religion would have
it. but "the power of uoa" tnrougn
faith. That power Intelligently and pro
foundly applied to life Is life's supreme
eugenics, the eugenics of tne nruuan
conscience.
Thla eugenics It ta the proper funotton
of the Christian pastor to be an expsrt
In, If he can be expert in fa
cial and state eugenics also, so much the
h.ti.r for his larger influence-
The editor touched a chord that ought
to reverberate in the enUre church, t
feel personally grateful lor lis aeenu
quickening content. awi. nut.,
Pastor ot Immanuel Lutheran Church.
A ate Year Home Paper.
PLATTSMOUTH, Neb., Aug) 1,-To tha
Editor of Tho Bee: Will you please tell
ua through your paper why tha nine
v.,,, i.v fnr riria has never gone tnto
effect In Plattsmouth aa It has In all
other placea. In aome of the restaurants,
anyway, that I know ot the girls are on
duty fourteen hours and a half.
THE aiTtLS OF PLATTSMOUTH.
September Morn."
OMAHA. Aug. S. To the Editor ot The
Bee: When we tee a well-dressed man
with pointed whUktra gating with seri
ous and solemn attention upon that cele
b rated painting called "September Morn
we should remember that while such pic
tures Inflame the sleeping passions of the
common Ignorant man. It by no means
follows that such Is the case with a well
bred gentleman; and this atatament can
be proven by tbe gentleman himself. But
when Mickey O'RIIey hangs "October
Morn" over the saloon bar he ahould be
prosecuted. Men xho study these paint
ings that adorn the whiskey palacea are
ferocious beasts, but a real gentleman
may linger and look without blushing,
and without uny of those feelings that
agitate the breast of a common bar
barian. The pictures of the female form
hung In a studio are sufficient to elevate
the soul to the highest pitch of ecstasy
and contemplation, but suspend the same
pictures on the walls of a dram-shop and
the daughters of poverty and the spns of
me worKliur class are greatly hindered
In their battle against temptation.
oien, you know, are not all alike; some
men can quit liquor whenever they get
ready that Is, men who are gentlemen
can; a well-bred man can leave off cigars
If he wants to. it's the same way with
obscene books and pictures. "To the
puro all things are pure." There ara
men who pay no Attention to the thin
drapery worn on the streets by women.
I am acquainted with one of this kind
who Is only 60 years of age. yet he says
with Solomon that "all ts vanity."'
Men differ, not only In degree, but in
kind; let not the vagabond and the
ragged pilgrim who descended from a
long line of man-eating savages, presume
to question the purity of those superior
men called gentlemen, who are the prldj?
of their families and the ornaments of
society. Think not, miserable wretche?,
that yoUr thoughts are their thoughts;
think not that whisky taken through a
straw Is Intoxicating, or that the mad
ness of a sick gentleman tormented by
snakes and bob-cats can be compared to
the Insanity of a common bum sufforlnir
from delirium tremens. Before the com
mon man visits the galleries where these
strange pictures are displayed, he should
put his mind In a condition of extreme
humility and remember that the words
"Vulgarity and Indecency" have no mean
lng for those who are by" nature puro
minded. q. M.
MUFFLED KNOCKS.
A bill collector and an alarm clock
never make many friends.
A clear conscience Is a good thing to
have, but a good lawyer will help some.
Any old kind ot a mutt can get Into
debt But It, takes an artist to stay that
way.
Marriage may be a failure, but nearly
all the women seem to be from Missouri
Talking about radium, did you ever tr.
to locate the pork in a can of pork ant
beans?
The main reason why we need the 1
and R. to give us more laws ia because
we havo so many laws now that we can't
enforce them.
Men do an awful lot of bluffing. Every
second man you see Is gong around with
a cfyp on his shoulder, but you won't seo
a tight once a week.
When you sea a Pair of white stockings
drying on one window sill and a pair of
white shoes sunning on another window
sill that is a sign that HE Is going to
call that evening.
When you figure the dope out carefully
we haven't Improved much since Adam
Invented cider. How many stunts would
YOU pull off today if you knew there
On the way to the
seashore, stop at
a
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III!
were no. such things as cops and no
police courts.
Kvery wife believes it would be a dnoh
to go downtown every morning and
tinker around an office or a store and
meet people and have a good time. And
every husband believes It would be a
pipe to stay home and lay around In a
raggedy kimono and wash a few dishes.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
JOLLIES FROM JUDGE.
Westend Why Is It that a man always
has to wait for a woman?
Eastend Did not Adam have to watt
until Eve was made up?
The philosophical proprietor of a sea
side hotel ended his rules bulletin for
men thus: "Remember, 'Time and tide
wait for no man.' For ladles' rules, see
other bulletin."
Grandma In my day girls were more
modest and reserved than they are now.
May That's because you were taught
that modesty and reserve were more al
luring to the men.
Purchaser And will he scare at any
thing? Farmer-M' friend, this hoss Is Jlst
afraid o' two things: That he won't get
enough to eat. an' that he won't hear
when I say "Whoal"
Suburbs The minister out In our place
won't marry you unless you have a medi
cal certificate.
Crawford Is tt hard to get one?
Suburbs Why, no. It happens .his
brother ts a doctor.
"Women will never get tho upper hand.
Men are too smart."
"Can you point out one Instance of men
being smarter than women?"
"Well, men don't handicap themselves
with clothes that button up the back."
Crawford I never thought him an edu
cated man. but I see he's Just received
an honorary degree from one of the col.
leoes.
Crabshaw Oh, he's probably done
something that would get him a vaude
ville engagement
THE MOTOKBOATEE'S SONG..
St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Another Beason coming I mean to have t
boat.
And none of these enthusiasts will revet
In my goat.
I'll split the river open with half a hun
dred horse.
And the fallows who are laughing now
will languish In remorse.
The motorboater's song
He sings tt all the time.
And the engine beats the measure
Ot his busy little rhyme.
Go on, you fleet ot tubs! Go by me whIU
you can
Another year I'll leave you where th
blooming race began;
I'll have an engine, sonny, it will tak
a man to crank.
And you'd better watch your tiller, oi
I'll wash you up the bank.
The motorboater's song
He sings It day and night.
And the other fellows take him
For a stationary light
If what you want is speed. I'll give U
to you then,
And show yea what a speed boat is, ray
merry gentlemen.
I'll tear around the river like a skipper
In a spring.
And you want to get In somewhere whea
the wheels begin to sing.
The motorboater's song
He sings It all the while,
A song of sweet illusion,
And the other fellows smile.
TELEGRAPH COMPANY
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