,
THE BEE: OMAHA, WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 1913.
a zi n e
if
All Members of This Club 00.
Service,
Drawn for The Bee by George McManus
tVE OPRNBo
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THAT YOUR "WlFB
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CANK ACCOUNT?
OH? riFAO.C
tHAT CANT BE
M-LTHC CHECK
IN THE BOOK YET-
MITAKPW 1
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MARRIED MerVfc CLUP
too juy should
have hcar& my
wife. Trying to
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VHY hbk bank
ACCOUNT COUUSNT
TCXl KKKIN
AOOUT-UOOK
AT MY EYEf
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DON'T Kun.i
WHAT TftditM P
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ntbT MY
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WW Z)o Foil Li&e to Read About?
K.
By WINIFRED BLACK.
"What do you Hko to read about?" said
the man to me.
I stared. "1 mean," Bald the man.
"what sort of folks people In castles,
with retainers and
'heirs' birthdays,''
or people on
yachts, with but
lers and valets, or
people out west,
with sheriffs and
bad men dropping
In to supper, and
the wind blowing
In from the desert
and the coyotes
yelping on the
great red moun
tains In the dusky
distance?"
"O," said I, "I
Won't like any of
those people. I
llko folks just
plain folks. No,
not folksy folks
with dialects the
women, with shawls on their heads, that,
run la and' gossip all about 'What made
Maria stay an old niald so loner and
Who's goln' to git 'Miran'dy, how" sf's
gone?' bore me to ears; and I can't bear
the fair young schoolma'am who goes
out west aiid makes the biggest boy fall
In love with her, and then they go back
i homo to visit, and he shocks the whole
village by saying 'Dtxn It!' and wearing
a red cowboy handkerchief Instead of a
' collar.
"I like to read about the sort of people
I know myself, every day In the week
the woman with tho. fussy husband; the
woman with the boy she hopes-will be a
irenlus. and he turns out to be just a
lazy dreamer; the woman with the little
girl who won't take muslo lessons, no
matter how she tries ,to make her; the
man with the business down-town, and
tho rival over the way trying to take it
away from him; the girl on the stage who
plays real parts and gets real criticisms;
the newspaper man who doesn't beat the
town the very first time he goes out on
a story; the people who have comfy
homes and a decent picture or two, and a
Jot of good books and some doKs, and
cither children or tho hope of children,
"No, I don't care for butlers In mine,
though if the butler belongs In the story
I don't mind him at all; I only hate to
have him dragged In by the' heels to
prove that the man who employs him
really Is no end of a swell.
"Valets? Yes, a valet is all right. If
ho Isn't Insisted on. Lots of fairly every
day men have valets actors and musi
cians and other helpless creatures.
"Maids don't worry me nor chauffeurs
-as long as they stay discreetly In the
MAKES RHEUMATISM
PROMPTLY DISAPPEAR
Crippled-up Sufferers Find Relief
After Fojv Doses of Croxona
Are Token.
It is needless to suffer any longer with
Rheumatism, and be all crippled up, and
Mvit, vuv m.ufv null am ncn, vniiiiivii"
Ing pains, when you can surely avoid It
Rheumatism comes from weak, Inac
tive kidneys, that fall to filter from the
blood, the poisonous waste matter and
urlo acid; and It Is useless to rub on
liniments or take ordinary remedies to
relieve the pain. This only prolongs the
rnlsery.
The only way to cure rheumatism Is
to remove the cause. The new discov
ery, Croxone, does this because It neu
rralixes and dissolves all the poisonous
uubstances and urlo axld that lodge in
tho joints and muscles, to scratch and Ir
ritate and cause rheumatism, and cleans
but and strengthens the stopped up, in
active kidneys, so they can filter all the
poison from the blood, and drive it on
end out of the system.
Croxono is the most wonderful medi
cine ever made for chronic rheumatism,
kidney troubles, and bladder disorders.
You will find it different from all other
remedies. There is nothing else on
earth like it It matters not how old
you are, or how long you have suffered
it Is practically impossible to take It
Into the human system without results.
You will find relief from the first few
doses, and you will be surprised how
quickly all misery and suffering will end.
An original paekago of Croxone cots
but a trifle at any first class drug store.
All druggists are authorised to sell it on
a positive money-back guarantee Three
doses a day for a few days is often all
that is ever needed to overcome the
jvorst batkache or urinary disorders. I
background, but I must say secretaries
and nursery governesses and under
gardeners and special trains and too
many yachts do disconcert me a little. I
always have to stop and add up what It
would cost to have an establishment like
that, and that Interferes with tho plot
"No, I hate the Dickey and the Algy
story, with the 'little gell in In white'
and her managing mamma. I never can
quite believe there are such helpless
geese In the world as that little gell, and
If I knew anyone like that 'managing
mamma' I'd have her locked up on a
charge of disturbing the peace.
"Yes, it's folks I like every-day folks
plain Americans, with plain American
troubles and plain American Joys, llko
buying a machine after you've saved for
It for a year; and daughter's graduating
essay; and son's first love affair.
"That's why I always choose a woman's
stories, all other things being equal."
The man looked at me moro in sorrow
than in anger. "Are all women like
you?" he said. "I don't believe It I be
lieve they like to read about ropes of
pearls and strings of emeralds and cables
of real coral and gowns of filmy lace
or a "
"That', the . chocolate cream age," I
said. They."do, of- course. That's- be
cause they are always hoping they'll be
one of those heroines themselves some
day, and they want to have tho fun of
Planning their filmy gowns and thinking
now sweet they'll look In the ropes and
chains and things. When the woman
past wanting to read about people like
herself, It heals her to reallte that sho
Isn't the only human being who has
trouble keeping the expense accounts
within scolding limits. What do you like
to read about. Mr. Man?"
Tho man took a long pull on his pipe.
"I like to read about damosels fair, and
shady bowers, and nodding violets, and
dashing cavaliers," he said, "and noble
heroes, and soldiers of fqrtune and
quests, and all that. If anyone dares
to hand me a book about 'How I Made
My Money' or 'What I Did to Down the
J
Lemon Trust' I'll make him wish he'd
committed suicide that time he almost
wanted to."
And then we both began to reconsider
and talk It over, and we both decided
that wo really didn't care so much about
who the hero of the story was. The
main thing is, who wrote it?
There's Bret Harte. He could take a
bank clerk and cast such a sparkling
veil of romance about him that his every
pen flourish would mean sentiment. And
as for the common little red-haired per
son ho fell In love with why, she'd be
a wood nymph, a fairy, a siren from
tho cool, green sea, even if she lived
In a hall bedroom arid ate 'weenies' and
cholocato for supper.
Cablet Do you ever hunt up Cable's
houses down In New Orleans? Dirty old
tumble-down places, seen with every-day
eyes. look through the magic glasses
of Cable, and you're in Elysla, the land
of fair women and brave men. There's
even something romantic about a piece
of candled lemon peel when the right
sort of man tells about It.
No, It Isn't the subject; It's the way
It is handled, after all, we agreed the
Man and I. There's .so', and so; he' spe
cial wiiter'on the Dally Enterprise. He'd
write about a fife In a boiler factory,
and make you hold your breath to find
out whether the maltese cat got out alive
or not. And there's his brother on the
Dally Scream, would tell the- story of
a plot to assassinate every beautiful
woman in America, and keep you yawn
Ing alt the way through. It Isn't the
story; It Isn't the people In the story-
it's the writer that matters.
"But still." said I to the Man, "all
things being equal, I want folks In my
stories folks that I know."
"Gossip," said ths Man. And we both
went and got our own particular kind of
book and settled down to our own parti
cular kind of evening, and were perfectly
satisfied. 'What fun It Is to talk these
things over once in a while! Isn't ltt
A "Snake Dress" That
is Startling England
Strange Things from the Air
By GARRETT P. SERVIS8.
A correspondent In Massachusetts
writes that after a heavy storm recently
he saw tho pavements of a town sprinkled
with many small earthworms, apparently
lifeless and looking
as if they had
been drowned, and,
since it was seem
I n g 1 y impossible
that they could
have crawled there
In such numbers.
he wishes to know
If s c I e n o e can
throw any light on
their probable
origin.
The phenomenon
to which he calls
attention has long
been known. In
various forms, and has sometimes been
the cause of panic fears among Ignorant
or superstitious people. Tho so-called
blood-rains" belong to the same cate
gory.
Most of these, occurrences are believed
to be due to the carrying up into the
atmosphere, by whirling winds, of
quantities of dust, the colored pollen of
nowers, and even small animals, which
are transported to a considerable dls.
tance, and then brought down to the
grourrd during a rainstorm
The power of an atmospheric whirl to
lift light objects to a great elevation is
orten astonishing. Buch a whirlwind
passing over a swamp or pond may suck
up considerable quantities of water, and
with it small fish, frogs and worms.
These ore retained in the air by the
rapidity of their motion, and may be
transported a mile, or even many miles,
before they descend again to the ground.
If they are caught In a shower of rain
they are assembled together in multi
tudes as they fall.
Borne very curious instances of strange
rains of this kind are on rcord. Many
years ago a shower of small green stones
Ml during a violent storm In the streets
of Birmingham, England, causing much
consternation among the inhabitants. In
vestigation by a geologist showed that
uiey nad been torn by the wind from a
ragged range of green stone rock near
the village of Rowley. In Btaffordshllr
ttveral miles north of Birmingham.
Hucn phenomena are more common in
southern Europe than elsewhere, and it
has been proved that the Teert rr fu.
hara is usually their source. Colored
sand and dust are raised to a great
height in the atmosphere by the whirling
winds, and then transported across the
Mediterranean sea until in passing over
Europe they are caught in descending
rains, to which they Impart the color of
blood or of sulphur, often staining any
sunetance with which they come In con
tact
On March 11, 1813, a "bloody cloud,"
which probably originated in the Sahara,
passed over Salabria and extended north
ward into the klngrom of Naples, spread
Ing terror everywhere and olorlng the
whole sky as red as fire. Thunder
storms broke out and the rain that fell
from the cloud had exactly the appear'
ance of blood.
In 1847 a blood-colored rain fel at
Chambery, at the foot of the Alps, while
near the summit of the mountains, .around
the Bt Bernard pass, there fell several
Inches of "bloody snow."
In the old days of superstition these
occurrences were ascribed to diabolic in
fluences, and there was no. one wise
enough In the doings of nature to offer
a reasonable explanation of then). '
Often it happen that Insects, and
sometimes heavier animals, as well as
the seeds of plants, are transported
long distances by the wind and deposited
alive upon the ground. Dr. T. U Phlp
son. who devoted many years to Inves
tigation of atmospheric vagaries, be,
lleved that the sudden appearance of
strange plants and insects in localities
where they are usually unkown Is due
to this cause.
He himself observed several Instances
of the kind. On one occasion a rare
plant, called tho "bloody-flnger grass,"
suddenly began to grow in his garden,
but It disappeared after a single season.
His explanation was that Its seeds
had been brought through the atmos
phere, and that the plants, after flour
ishing a single summer, perished for
lack of proper nourlshement In the soil.
On another occasion his garden, near
London, was suddenly animated with
the presence of a species of wasD.
which Is never found In England, but
abounds la France. These Insects also
disappeared after a single season.
The fact Is that the atmosphere is
a wonderfull transporting agent ex
tremely fickle in Its action, filled with
unseen .current, and yet containing
many mysteries, such aa the barome
tric "holes" Into which aeroplanes
sometimes plunge, that remain to be
ausxactorlly explained.
"J "n" a Bie tuoBo united Stateg before lone?
Natural History Lessons-
No. 2--The Lamb
1111 i
By DOROTHY DIX
HERE are few moro
valuable a n 1 m nls
than the lam b,
whether you con
sider It from the
mint sauce or the
Wall Street point of
view. In either ca
pacity It Is our
meat, and furnishes
glad raiment and
diamonds to those
who, but for It
would not be nblo
to protect them
selves against the
cold blasts of win
ter.
The name of the Individual who dls-
covered the first Lamb Is lost In the mists
of antiquity, but as a source of supplies
he has got the Individual who made two
blades of grass grow where only one grew
before, beat a city block. Thus aro we
called upon agau to marvel at the wis.
dem or a tieneiicieni i-roviaence mat nas
created Just tho proper thing to meet
our every need.
Lambs are found in all parts of the
krown world, and appear to multiply with
great rapidity, so that as one Is slain
a dozen take Its place. Indeed the theory
Is held on Walt Street that a now batch
of Lambs Is born overy second, but this
probably exaggerates the situation. At
any rate, the Lamb crop for the last year
or two has been so poor that mnny brok
ers haVo been forced
to prey on one an
other.
In appearance the
lamb Is of a mild
and pleasing aspect
with a voice that
sounds like the ama
teur soloist who
kindly consents to
sing at a club din
ner Originally the
Lamb Is of a snow
white color, but
after a short so
journ away from Its
native haunts It Is
apt to need a hurry
trip to the laundry,
quickly.
In the matter of legs the Lamb Is
eclectlo, some Lambs having four, one
located on each corner, while other
Lambs have only two, which are situated
at the extreme northeast end of their
anatomy, thus enabling them to stand
upright after the manner of men. Also,
some Lambs have alfalfa on their chins,
while others have smooth faces, but this
difference depends on whether they came
from the middle west or not.
We may dismiss the quadruped Lamb
In a few words, merely stating, In pass
ing, that It has. of late developed an am
bitious and aspiring tendency to rise sky-
It gets soiled very
Little Bobbie's Pa
i
Bjr WILLIAM F, KIRK.
Pa & me was In New YoA
week to a horse market I dldent warn
to go, but Pa wanted to go, beekause he
edthat a frend of bis nalmed Ocorge
Crowley wanted to go & buy a teem of
horses for his farm. So Pa & me went to
the horse market & looked at sum horses.
Pa was the roan that interduced Mister
Crowley to the man wlch owned tho
horse market, & all the way down to
the market he was telling Mister Crowley
what a wunderful bargenn he was going
to get Moast of the horses that thay
have in this market, Pa toald Mister
Crowley, Is old thorobreds, the kind that
Mister Keene used to race at the track
in the days wen racing was racing in
deed. It is true. Pa sed, that moat of the
horses I menshun has done a lltl rrt
work laltly, such as on Bt cart, eta, butq
J
I am sure that you will find them of the
good old stock that sent Colin ft Sysonby
& Rosenben under the wire as winners.
I doant care for any Wooded horses,
sed Mister Crowley. All I want Is a cup.
pel of old skippers for my farm. All I
want them to do Is to drag a plow around
kind of peaceful, &. not to think of the
days wen the bookmakers had it all thare
own way.
I thot all the time that Mister Crowley
was a pretty smart man, & I newer
thought Pa knew vary much about
horase. but for onst I was surprised in
Pa. It turned out that he knew moai
than Mister Crowley did. Pa ft the men
In the horse market shpwed Mister Crow-
ley a lot of good horses, but he kep say.
ing no, I want a slmpel. gentel team for
farm work I want a team that will not
run away with the plow, a team, that myj
wife can drive her guests around with
after thay have done thare days work on
the farm, a cuppel of horses that Is as
traa-tabel & eesy to drive as I am. sed
Pa's trend.
Bo we all went to another stabel. I
cud see that Pa dldent want to go to
another place, & I knew that I wud
rather be out eumware playing ball with
the kids, but we went to this other place
& thay showed a team of horses that
was the moast tired looking team I ewer
seen, oxcep Roosevelt A Johnson after
eleckshun.
The than that was showing the team to
Pa's frend caUn rite oaver & leened his
hed aggenst the hind heels of both
horses. You see, already, he sed, that
thay are gentle, yet As sure as my name
Is August thay havent kicked slnco Sep
tember. I think that Is a team such as I want,
sed Mister Crowley, You may send them
to Tenanah Lake tomorrow. How much
are thay?
Walt a mlnnit. sed Pa, let me explain.
You doant want to buy a horse or a
team of horses without trying them on a
livery or sum other rig, to see If thay
are gentel. So Pa's frend asked the man
August to hitch the teem to a rig. I
cud see that he dldent want to do It vary
bad, but he did it, & wen Mister Crowley
& Pa & me got in, the team ran away &
we had to be stopped by a mounted
policeman.
I thought you toald me these horses
was gentel, sed Pa's frend to the men
that called hlsself August. What made
them run away with me & my frendsT
Oo & buy sum horses sumware elt
then, sed August As sure as my nalm Is
August nefftr seen them run away in
July before. ,
ward under the tuition of Messrs. Ar
mour and Swift, and that It has shown a
coy disposition to stay In ootd storage
that every one who has tho good of the
country at heart must deplore. How
ever, that great veterinarian, Prof. Wil
son, late of Princeton university, we un
derstand, has now
undertaken tho
moral regeneration
of the Lamb, and
the beef, and the
pig, nnd we may
hope to see somo
needed reforms In
stituted In this line.
It Is In the two
leqged Lnmb (genus
sitcklbus) that the
tritlned naturalist
finds his most In
terestlng study. a
This amiable crea
ture lives apparently
only to give pleas
ure to others, which It does by the simple
expedient of suffering Itself to be sheared
by any artistic trimmer that happens
along.
This Is great sport, and It Is a matter
of prldo that our Wall Street brokers
hold tho world's rcpord as thq champion
fleecers of Lambs,
Being so gentlo
and kind, the Lamb,
especially tho woolly
ones from Pitts
burgh, are held In
great esteem by
women as pets.
There, was onco a
chorus girl named
Mary who had a
little Lamb, with a
fleece as white as
snow, and every
where that Mao
went his money did
surely go but that's
another story,
Lambs are generally of the masculln
persuasion, though accastonally we ob.
serve an elderly female mutton .dressed
as spring Lamb capering around at ths
dansant
There aro many curious sights in na
turc, and this Is ono of the curiousest
Superfluous
Hair Truths
Stop Experimenting
There nro but few depilatories sold,
lou think thero are hundreds because
you have used the same Identical
preparations under several different
rmmos. This Is easily explained.
Women stop usin?
So-Called Hair Removers
when thoy learn that they are harm
ful. Thereforo, th-y can not he sold
under the same name for any length,
of time. Then tho Identical, worth,
less, harmful concoctions aro given
now names and advertised again aa
totally different preparations to
Defraud the Same Foolish Women
who innocently buy them over and
over again under different names, and
this will contlnuo as long aa women
are so unwlso as to experiment with,
unknown, so-called hair removers.
T MSI
9
iraeie
Has Stood the Test of Time
De Miracle has been sold as Da
Miracle for over eleven years, and Us
name has never been changed. It to
acknowledged the world over by emi
nent authorities as tho ono safe, per.
fected hair removor. therefore It 1
the only depilatory you can use with
out experimenting.
Leaves No TelUTalc Smell
If you use Do Miracle Jt will be im
possible for any curious person to
know that you have used a hair re
mover because DotMlracle evaporates
Immediately after accomplishing its
work, thoreforo leaves no odor what
ever. On the other hand. If you use
any depilatory with a distinctive odor,
an offensive, tell-tale smelt Wilt cljns
to your skin for hours.
Avoid Permanent Disfigurement
sm,!!i?-n8f btutB. If your dealer
h.Shinnln.t,0., how 1 lotermlnS
which depilatories are harmful and
worthless sent In plain, sealed cnyc-
New truths in next ad.vt,
Do Miracle Chemical Co-, Nsw York
Sold and recommended by
SHKHMAN & McCONNEXJU.
owl imvo companyT
HARVARD PIIARMACTC, i'
LOYAL PUAR3IAOX, 1
t1
6
i.
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