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THE SEMI-MONTHLY MACAZINE SECTION
jurisdiction of 11 cniirl t" justice. Tho planter i.s
tin- law of his own ilantation ami settles all dis
putes. Tho justice of tin- peace, like the emi in
the hot tic, i.s easy enough to let out, hut dillieult to
eons back.
Ocorgo Washington .Johnson dearly loves a
lawsuit; lio hankers after wordy contention; he
revels in tho hurling- ol portentous
phrases. It tickles Wash Johnson under
the fifth rib to sit on a bench in the jus
tice rourt nml to hear the hired shjstors
wrangle. When he ami his neighbor liti
gato the proprietorship of a two-bit pup,
the planter lluds his gin stopped, his
Holds deserted, while cotton pickers and
gin hands crowd the court room. Law
yers' fees and court costs tax those
negroes ten or fifteen dollars each. A
hundred other bauds lose precious time
in getting tho cotton to market, which I"--makes
litigation a luxury that the planter,
who must pav these fees and stand tho .
loss, can not afford. That is why the
planter dishes out extemporaneous jus
tice, adjusting all minor controversies
without cost or delay. Where properly
rights become involved, he goes with bis
tunant and employs reputable counsel.
In the towns, wo sometimes find a
situation like this: Hero's a white land
lord who owns a row of houses which he routs to
negroes at, say, five dollars a month each. These
tenants understand that they are not to quarrel
among themselves and bale one another before the
justice of the peace. Suppose negro woman No. 1
lias her noiuhbor ariostod for "abusive language"
and lined live dollni- with the co-Is. The neighbor
immediate! v letnliate- bv iroini: to another con-table
and ohaiging No. I with "main ion- ini.-clnc! ," tui
pulling a picket off her fence. Five dollars and
costs. The constable gets 'em going and coming,
plays both end.- against the middle. That puts the
two women square. with each other; but the landlord
gets his rent from neither. So. the landlord tells
them flatfootedly : "When vou have a quarrel, I
"Mink Jonef, stand up!"
must be your judge. If vou can't get along as
neighbors, I will Ibid out who is wrong, and maku
that one move away."
Soul hern court.- are presided over by white men;
and, as a rule, white men constitute the juries. It is
a-.-ertod that these juries convict negroes, and fail
to convict white men which i- partlv. and do
plorably, true. Kill it i- also true, in everv court
everv where, that the man of influence who let u
-hrevvd attorneys is apt to fare better thai. '
friendless pauper. The hobo stealing junk t
railroad scrap-heap will be convicted, while .
looter who "absorbs" the railroad itself may benm ,
a famous financier. The southern sin is not one ,.
commission, but omission; it is not that inuou
negroes are "sent up" because of prejudice, but ih.u
too many guilty whites go free. This failuie of
judicial methods is broadly national, and not
lined to the south.
On the other hand, it is paradoxical that for cei
tain olTenses these same white jurors will convict
white men and refuse to punish negroes.
Let a white man desert bis own home, and sup
plant some other white man; white man No. 12 would
make prompt trouble. Hut negro No. 'J ranibh -amiably
around until he lluds negro No. ;i whom In
pushes away from fireside No. , out into tho cold,
cold world. Negro No. .'1 may bo glad enough to yet
shoved out, for ho plays oven on negro No. I.
Variety is the spice of this matrimonial mom yo
round. None of them lose social prestige; the
women, perhaps, sing in the choir, while the men
are fellow-deacons in the same church. There vva
t In cheerful case of l'oinp who came late to hi
work, and the foreman inquired: "What '.- tli
matter, l'oinp? Sick?"
"No sub, boss; please sub, don't fuss at mo. I
got married las' night, an' dem niggers kep' in.
dancin' till atter daylight."
"Look hero, 1'omp. ain't you getting married kind
o' rapid and regular nowadays?"
"No sub, boss. 1 ain't married unry time sence I
tuk Lilv (lis las' gone summer."
"Is Lily dead ?"
"No -uh. sheV well; Lilv'- mrlilii well."
Continual on I'agv 1)
FRESH FINDINGS FROM MARK TW&IN
ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE
Author of Mark Twain A Biography
Illustrations by HORACE TAYLOR
permission of Harper and Brothers, the author-
JL9
ago.
ized biographer of Mark Twain contributes to
THE SEMI. MONTHLY MAGAZINE SECTION
the following personal reminiscences and anecdotes
gathered during his long and intimate association
with the great humorist, selected from the recently
published Life of Mark Twain.
ROYEW CLEVELAND had been
elected (lovernor of New York
when Mark Twain and (leorgo
W. ("able, on a lecture tour, ar
rived at Albany. They decided
to call on him, and drove to tho
capitol. The Governor made
them welcome and, after a hearty
greeting, said :
"Mr. Clemens, 1 was a fellow
citizen of yours in BulTalo for u
good many montlis some years
but vou never called on me then. How do you
xplain it?"
"Oh, that's very simple, your Excellency! In
KiilTnlo you were a sheriff. 1 kept away from tho
-horiff as much as possible; but you 're Governor
now, and on your way to the Presidency."
ONCE in tho course of a conversation I had with
him in Horinudu, not long before tho end, Mark
forgot a word and denounced bis poor memory :
"I'll forget tho Lord's middle name some time,"
he drolly declared, "right in the midst of a storm,
when 1 need all the help I can get."
WHEN I was young 1 could remember anything,
whether it happened or not; bill 1 am getting
old, and soon 1 shall remember only the latter."
I HAVE tried to do good in this world, and it is
marvelous in how many different ways I have
done good, and it is comforting to reflect now,
there's H. H. lingers just out of tho affection I
bear that man, many a time I have given him
points in finance that he never thought of
and if he could lay aside envy, prejudice, and
superstition, and utilize those ideas in bis
business, it would make a difference in his
hank-account."
WHEN the Czar of Russia proposed tho dis
armament of the nations, the late William
T. Stead wrote for Mark Twain's opinion. He
replied : "The Czar is ready to disarm. 1 am
ready to disarm. Collect the others; it should
not iio much of a task now."
I It IN (i A VISIT to Vienna in
exciting political times, an
American correspondent wrote,
asking Twain for an interview,
('lemons replied, giving him per
mission to call. When tho re
porter arrived, Clemens was at
work writing in bed, as was so
much his habit. At tho doorway
the reporter paused, waiting for
a summons to enter. The door
was ajar and ho heard Mrs.
Clemens say :
"Youth, don't you think it will bo a little embar
rassing for him, your being in bed?" And ho heard
Twain's easy, gentle, deliberate voice reply:
"Whv. Livy. if you think so, wo might have the
other bed made up for him."
LET us endeavor so to live that when wo die oven
the undertaker will bo Korry," won bit of his
semi-serious counsel.
r x
y ' x " -v
if
W f
was about tho end of 1007 that the now St.
Louis Harbor boat was completed. A St. Louis
editor reported that it had been christened Mark
Twain, and asked for a word of comment. Clem
ens answered: "May my namesake follow in my
righteous footsteps, then neither of us will need
any tire insurance."
T LIKE Joan of Arc best of all my books; and it is
tho best; I know it perfectly well. And besides,
it furnished mo seven limes tho" pleasure afforded inc.
by any of tho others: twplvo years of preparation
and two yen re of writing. Tho others needed no
preparation, and got none."
NOTHING so needs reforming as othor people's
habits.
PTEW things are harder to put up with than the
1 annoyance of a good example."
ONCE IN NEVADA 1 dropped
into a billiard room casually, and
picked up a cue and began to
kuock i lie nails arouinl. 1 lie pro
prietor, who was a red-haired
man, with snob hair as I have
never seen anywhere except on n
torch, asked mo if I would like
to play.
"I said, 'Yes.'
"Ho said, 'Knock tho balls
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