Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, February 08, 1913, Page 13, Image 13
T1TC BEE: OMAnXTSATrRDAT, FEBRUARY R, 1013 rhe rem Jeff Should Have Played Turkish Music, May haps Drawn for The Bee by "Bud" Fisher OH, For the PiVrffAe (N (AN UPC T'rA RAUUV rAOST tSSfVUTlrHn. TU(1KH girl ey BvettuxiiceoM-. t pouuovjbo He td Hew. VCIW "OOOR. TONleiMTI OH.KOW rAY OR. eNV"t age 1t iWfc 'J s ii . - jjm hzxr- v -j j . ' v tv Spiritual Sympathy the Keynote of By ELIjA WHKELEB WILCOX. The ideas of love between the sexes are changing with other conditions. Accord ing to ono authority, romantic love be tween man. and woman first came Into the world with Dante's love for, Beatrice. ..Before that period fcatlaritry' had ex isted, , but only the 'Kaliantry of tho .male, who tries' to attract .the ,f,em.alo a purely sex im pulse, devoid of real romance and hlgh.sontlmcnt. In tjho, middle ages and tho days of -the Christian fathers. woman was considered the author of all evil. She,, was oven called'"'rthe door-,0 of taJlj&Sho waf.. told she uvust live It) .continual penance on account of heav ing brought sin Into 'the world. In the sixth century' woman" was,r'for .bidden to: receive the eucharist In tho naked hand, because of her imparity. No Oriental religion ever reduced won'ia'n to sufc'h degradation as. did. tho fanaticism of these early Christian, fathers. ; .-- Here are some proverbs about women which men made popular in that era: '"Women and horses must be beaten.' "Women and money, are the causes of all evils." "Trust no woman even were she dead." "If you are too happy, take a wife.." Montaigne recommended poetry to women", becauso "It is a wanted crafty art, ' disguised all for pleasure, all for show;' Just as ' they ' are." John Stuart Mill once Bald In refer- ence to those times: "Some generations ago, when satires on women were in vogue; men thought It clever to Insult women for. being what men had made them." "Tho woTld has grown away from such Ideas of woMen; and, with other, changes. Its1 viewpoint on what constitutes lovo has changed.. When one wo'mah was sup posed 'to be' man's' absolute chattel, she fs. now regarded as 'his' comrade, mate,' friend and , equal, and comradeship rather than service Js demanded of her This question is propounded: "What Is they highest form of' woman's love fo' man?" The question Is at once simple and complex., Vol every woman Is endowed with-the qualities that enable her to be a lover-ess. Not every woman so endowed meets the one capable of inspiring her. Not every woman who loves deeply possesses the spiritual and mental traits which alone render that love a blessing and a power for good to the recipient Ther4 are women whoso love blights and ruins. Theri are others Whom to love or to be loved by brings forth the latent powers In a man's nature and speeds him to the summits. The highest form of love In a woman Is that whioh ennobles not only the man who receives It, but her who gives it. . I have, more than once seen a woman belittled and cheapened by a spanlel-llAe devotion to a man who was unworthy of the sentiment bestowed upon him, and who was wearied, by ii. Such love Is pitiful and holds no element of grandeur. It is merely one form o hysterics, and' ought to come under the-head of nervous di seases, . . . A great lqve, "the highest form of love," must contain a. large, element of womanly self -respect, and must dignify the giver its well as the recipient, even In its most axtravagant phases,. It muil.to tomt degree absorb all other loves antf'.mai'ejtheansecondao'. yet If U renders the fieart, which 1 its home, cruel Jio every HrlhgT thing, or blind to any duty, t ceases' - to be the "highest form of love."' .4 Phaedras tells of a woman who loved her husband so much that In comparison lather and mdther seemed like strangers. This wife was Alceatis, the daughter of 'Pellus. Bhe cheerfully lald-'down her life for her .husband, .and th'e gods accorded her he rare virtue of returning to earth then she ftlt like it ' It Is quite possible these parents de served to seem like strangars to their Tdaughter. Parental affection Is not infrc querttly a most selfish sentiment, and one which in no sense includes the highest gbod for the children, To the majority dr -fathers .and mothers the inner life of tliJr offspring Is as unknown as tli' Hanscrlt language J. Perfect Love -J A mcro tie of blood cannot force us to love what Is unlovable. Jf Alcestls passed from tile lioiiia- where the average domestic conditions exist into the full effulgence of a real loye Jlfc, t is no wonder her parents seemed strong ers to her. But if her new-found happl- ness caused her to ignore their feelings. or to disregard aproperly courteous and "tlioughtf.ul code of conduct toward thejn, then it was not the "highest .type of'lovf." To love truly, absorbingly and passion ately, anu. one human being ought to mtUo us more considerate and tender towaru 11 humanity; Just uh the sunlight pene trates Into dark recesses and warms mul blesses every leaf and blade of' graBS,. so a m-eat love should cast, its rndlatlons upon all who come within its aurn. .Our sympathies, our benevolence, our affections should all be deepened and wldened by- the presence of the great nwakenor In our hearts. A' woman's" faith In the man she loves should lie firm and patient, yet ! should not he blind,' i T t .. v. ...1 j . . . H..,iu i . . . i -i Itshould, be satisfied selfishness, make no protest or give no warning: It should be a1 sp'ur to his best nature, to his htgest impulse. Unless a man improyes under tho In fluence of a woman's love, there Is a something wrong with- her,, love or the manc f . jr .- .Evpry human being, ,e(ther Improves or degenerates as yeurs- pass by. To the unprejudiced eye these subtle changes are visible year by year. There Is no such thing as remaining stationary, men tally, morally or physically. A man may lose fortune and poHltlon. yet grow Into a finer' and4 more admir able manhood through the experience. Ho may,, gain wealth and p' the same t,lme lose or gain in moral worth, and these changes should Ise first visible to the eyes of the woman, who loves. him The highest hype of love Is. not blind. It has the good of its object too near its heart to be blind to the changes which encompass It. "Patient Grlselda" 'was not a' noble type "of loving woman. She encouraged tho brute and the tyrant, Jn the, man,, and allowed him to lower himself in't'he moral scale. When a man says, of a woman: "No, matter what I dp she wll say it is all right," bo sure thSjtwbman is not gfv'lnk the highest type of Jove. What a man, ought to be able to say Is; "No matter how appearances are against me, she will believe in roe until I can explain to her. and If I make a mistake she will be the first to encourage me to be gin anew and the quickest to forgive." 'No woman . who loves utterly would think It a great sacrifice to give up 'her life for her lover were it necessary. Love is Immortal, and has no fear of death. A perfect love must Include apiritual sympathy, mental companionship, physi cal responsiveness. Any ono of these elements larking, love Is crippled. Cop'yrigh 1913k by Star Company. Great Britain Bight KeserVed Advice to the Lovelorn Hy JJEATHICE" PAIIIPAX. I.oyc Will t'ouipeuante. Bear Miss Fairfax: About six months Lago my brother introduced me to a young man who is twelve year my sen ior. I am 18. He was asked to our house as a friend, but the second time he came he devoted most of his atten tion to me. I love him very much and as ho loves me he has been speaking of an engagement, but my parents are very much' against It, 'as they know be could never give me a home such as I have at present. They also think me too young to keep steady company with any one in particular. X. Y. Z. The difference in your -ages is not too great- for marriage, and If yodr love Is deep enough, it will more, than make up for the luxuries you may forego. But -you owe deference to your parents wishes. If they think you are too young, ask the man to come back in another year. , The Haaleat Task In Mfr. Dear Miss Fairfax: I am dearly in love with a girl -who comes to my home with my sister. I have taken her out several times and have got so attached to her that I mutt find a way to make, her love me. This is the point; I .have not! got the nerve to ten ner that I love her, - - JOHN. -That Is a story that is told without , counsel ever given words, and no amount of nerve Is neededto woman. , In the telling. The next time ypU take, A mnn, fdr love, her out, hold her hand, and ''courage wljl i buU a ' woman for ccme to you. You will never know JJst 1 friendship, Is tho what you sa.!d, oy It you said anything nnljsafe rule or at all You will Jut wake up to find , wonWi Keli.i yourself engaged mun ,., a Weaker Sex Must Take the Impersonal View ' "Club Life Will Make a Woman Manageable" r tiy ADY 1'ATTEltSON. Tluf other dny n lawyer told me that W per cent of all women are Irrational and thatall uf them nre unmanageable. Next day, as though to corroborutto his cruel words, one of President-elect Wil son's best stendgraphers "threw up her Mob" because some ono had asked her to Oiurry. She said she didn't liked to bo "'bossed'." 1, tf there 'was a vote for tho niOBt populnr I'rlub president In New York, she to whom nil club women refer as "That lovely AgiiesArden," would nt least make a tremendous showing. A club member rlsjng b 'a breakfast tendered to Mrs. Ard'en"'un her blrthdny began hor speech and . finished ,ln one Bentcnce, "We love I lmr "ifrrtm her,!" from which. It 'may safely bo de- I ducid; VhStr jr. Iveene's daughter knows 1 ther iifij!ftbe .monnsemen of, women.. I I aolfe'd'her whether women arc unmanage- ablcj artd. she pat Very straight In tho 1 oufiteu'isettco ' hefclde flip window of ' her j library'' anil- nmlo, thoughtful answer: ;i ha,Vo. been 'VluMng" ft Tor twetjty ! . . ': . . . .. . . .,... s . i . . i . un- Irinwc lagilK "learn a Breaf '-dejiraHoU tho man'uee)i))nt of ourselves In mosses, from mefi.i'.FoV' what, we most need is to tako theMm personal view, to look beyond the .. . I. .. .i.n ..l.i. tin.. 1 ,.f5;, ' ,''n,., 1,1 mi n? tli nrcnnlziitlnn. jiiuuare able to do-that. They may not .like a t l,make u man. but ll tney inina ne win good .club officer, and do tho work of the club well, carry out Its .plans, they will support him. Men calf fight as It seems to us who look on in .terror, viciously, nnil fprget nil about It. Women can't or at least we find It hard to do. I admit there Is a grcut deal of politics in many women's club and that It is likely to be based on 'I like her or 'I don't like her.' We ought to ImproVo in that direction and j am sure we would If we- would think more about tho club as a whole and the object for which it Utands, than about tho members of it . Tnp true club spirit Is summed up In two words, harmony and helpfulness. With this high motive it would be well for everj- woman to Join one or two clubs. Not more, I think, for If one be longs to five or six, she can't give tho best of herself that is left from her homo to any of, the clubs. Because she belongs to so many shq Is not effective, fir only slightly effective. In any. But In average cases, now that housekeeping has become so simplified, a woman can glvo what amounts to an, hour a day, that Is seven hours a week advantage ously to her club or two "Tho actual hour a day is not prac ticable, but the greater part of two after noons a week would be. That time spent In contact with other minds broadens a woman's life and deepens her usefulness In the home and elsewhere. "A danger of club life that I have not heard discussed, but which seems to mo a very real one-is that it is likely to take us away from old friends and wo miss that very personalness of view I have been decrying and which should bo banished from club life. How to avoid this is a question every woman must settle for .herself, as she governs her household matters, according to circum stances, but don't give up the old friends. "Club life is slowly bringing about what we as a sex greatly need, the power to 'look at a matter quite outside of self. A function of club life will be to kill, or, at least, to curb, supersensitive- Dorothy Dix In a recent article' dn friendship Sarah Bernhardt advises women, to choose men Instead of women for their friends. She says; "Kor a woman the surest friendship is to be found in a man. The true and only great friend ship upon .which a woman catt really depend,. 1b the friendship of a man." ' -, To my thinking a greater fallacy was never uttered than this, und no more dangerous ...A I 'WsMS8BsMBMBHWiafe -7"fflB"a M ness. Every woman is likely to be over sensitive. It shocks us to hear that ex treme sensitiveness is only selfishness in another guise, but we must confess that is true. Touchiness Is an Inflated ego. Tim cluh spirit and club habits puncture that ego. "Parliamentary law Is a great solvent of all difficulties. It trains a woman to think not of whether MrH. Brown meant her or whether Mrs. Smith likes Mrs. Smith, but what Is good for tho club. "Clubs train a woman to be Just. They teach, her to put self In tho background. They educate her to the broad view and the kindly spirit. "We must, of course, go very much farther In this. Wo must learn responsi bility for what we do and say. V must learn to stand by what wo say, hut this the clubs are teaching us moro slowly than I wish." Says: The Woman Who Says She Dislikes Her Own Sex Will Bear Watching When Your Husband is Around, woman there may be liking, there may o congeiilttllty, pleasure In each other's society, mutual helpfulness, friendship in Its lighter moods but betwren them there can never exist, without great I danger, tho deep-souled, Intimacy that is real friendship, that there may be be twen two women. No friendship between a man and a woman can be as cornplet- as that be tween two men, or two women, because between tho sexes there must be the same spiritual concealments as there are phy. steal concealments. No man ever tells tho Innermost seorots oT his nature to a woman as ho doea to' a man. No woman ever bares her heart to a man as she does to another woman, because nt the bottom of the conxoiouftnovB of each sex there is tho feeling that there are some things which the other never can understand, Just because nt the difference of box, This is wliv een In the happiest and c'osest marriage both husband and" wife mt turn awav from each other at tit 'i othr miti and other women, "ihis i iii.Uj k s ivtti more true lu frlcm - 1 Jr-W. KTCKKIE jffiI5EN "Then women aren't unmanageable?" "Not more thun men." qualified "The lovely Agnes Arden." "What Is tho way to manngi) theni?" "IJke men," she responded. "Thoy must not know they are being mnuuged. They must he allowed to think they are managing themselves, for like men and children, If they know thoy are being managed, they rebel. A club officer Is only a servant of the sorloty. placed there to do what tho club wishes. If sho 1eeps this ulways In mind she will never make the inlHtnlui of becoming arbitrary." "Tact may b useful?" 1 suggested. "Tact and diplomacy." laughed Mrs. Arden, "but wo may be met "with the argument that tho diplomatist Is a ol Ished liar." Those words are threadbare and a more or hut nltislster meaning has been read into them, f.et us sny 'In tuition ' " ii ship. To huvo some one to fully com prehend and sympathize with ovcry mood, eacli sex must go to Its own. The theory of u perfect friendship between man and woman, and In whioh thoy would have a community of In terest In every subject. In which they would bo ablo to hold the nndlusH con versations with no note of weariness, that Is the essence of tho relationship, and In whioh tho fires of affection would glow with a steady heat at which they could warm their hearts without danger of ever getting scorched, Is a fascinating dream, but It has never come true. Thero Ib. In reality, no such thing us platonio love. ' There seems to be no dividing line o'f friendship between the sexes. Bluntly, If a man und woman are not necessary to each other's happiness, If they are satis fied und contented when they ure apart, I they ure not much friends. If thoy are miserable apart und cannot live without I each other's companionship, then they ' arc more thun friends. It is lose or else i rr The Single Woman By milieux, Member of tho French Acntlotny. It Is not merely to have the pleasure of being Interpreted by Mile. Jeanne I'revo-t that t have written the play be ing performed lu the Uyuinase theater lu Paris under tho same tltlo an thU article. I wont to try to Induce my mul brethren to do some thinking. 1 exclude from this discussion all those who In their whole life have never been guilty of any wrong towards any woman. And now, when one has nmde claim to be excluded, when we are among ourselves, let us.be frank. Lot us begin by admitting that tho charsctor of tho young girl has changed considerable during the last forty years. If today we represented on tho stngo n young girl, like those flcrlho ur Kinlle Angler has depleted, everybody would laugh. And ' even running , the risk uf displeasing my friend Marcel Provost I want to ssy this, that there nro no moro wlilto geese than "deinlvlerges" left among young girls today. Tho education of the young girl. I mean tho extensive, hroud nnd complete education, In only a few years old and none of t)ie women, who today are 40 years old or more hnvo known It, as thoy en u lil not attend tho schools or freo col leges recently established. Thfj young girl of today Is neither an Agnes who believes that children are brought by tho stork nor n creature who says: "Everything except that." The young girl of today hns studloil, sho has listened to family conversations, which are no longer kept secret from her such a diluted brand of friendship that It Is nothing. Another barrier between the friendship of a man and woman Is tho outnldo world, which Is apt to bo scandalous, and their own human connections. No man with a wife, no wotnnti with a hits bund, pan enjoy a perfect .friendship without arousing the Jeulousyund ani mosity of his or her marital partner. Kor this reason It Is dangerous to ad vise any woinnn to look for a man hsj a friend. Kor tho young girl who ongages In a Platonic friendship with a man will find that It lands her either .In mnrrfugo or splnsterhood. whllo tho married woman who makes uny man other than her hus bund her confldnnte and Kldus Achates is mighty apt to ponder over her folly at Ilenn. The Idea that a man mukos a woman's best friend Is mi old one, and one that Is often expressetl, but it has no truth at bottom. Experience shows thut a wo mini's friendship Is unselfish, whereas a man's rarely Is. Many a woman who accepts a man's friendship is called upon In the end, to pay for It with her all. A man's friendship for a woman Is also generally of tho fair-weather type. Ho likes her when she Is pretty and young nnd gay, when she can Uugh with him und udd to his plousure und amuse ment. But let tho evil day of sorrow and mis fortune come to her; let her bo a creature to be sympathised with Instead of mude merry with, und hur men friends melt away like snow lu tho sun. They ure terribly sdrry for poor Mary, and If they have money they ure willing to send her a few dollars. They sneak around to her homo nnd leave a curd nnd a few flowers when they havo reason to be llovo she Is out, but they don't wuut to eo her with her tear-reddened oyes. They don't want to listen to her tale of woe, and they will walks blocks to avoid meeting her. It Is a womiui friend who coiiimh to a woman in her misfortune, who lets hor weep out her sorrows on her sympathetic lueait, anil who listens to Iter with a dlvlno patlouce und understanding, while she recites over and over the 'litany of her sorrow, Just beuuuso she knows thut It euses the hurt In hor heait to have her pour over It lu the balm of her pity. And It Is the woman friend who Mretche out tho hand of awlstanco to her first when sho needs help. She it 's who worries hor husband or some other man Into giving the woman a Job, so that she can support herself, who remem bers to Invito her to dinner because she, is half sturved In a boarding house, and who doesn't mind if her friend's clothes are shabby. It's the women who keep up the old women friends, not tho men. Men mako good husbands, good em ployers, good business nssoalates, good companions to play with, but thoy are not good XrlendH to women. When you want u friend whose soul will cleave unto your own, pick out one of your own sex. And beware of the man whoso only friends aro women. He Is weak and ef feminate. And bo doubly on your guard against the woman who says that she doesn't like her own sex, and that her onlv friends ure men, She'll bear watch ins when yor husband Is around. e window and sho recognises the truth of the say ing which otieo escaped the Hps of n Philosopher: "A woman's fate depends on him. whom sho has undertaken to pleuBO." She hns become Interested In sport and developed her mind lu order, as ono nt tlio persons in my play says, to reach tho moral and physical condition which will mako her worthy to bo chosen by the best, the richest or tho most Intelligent of men. Now this Is no bad Idea nt all. Men of my age must havo made ths discovery that the young girls do not respect us. Possibly this Is becauso their shorp oyon havo discovered that a good many of us are not respectable. They no longer bellovo lu tho superior ity of experience. "Experience," thoy sny. "Is tho science of tho past, whllo tho science which means anything to us Is tho sclenco of tho present." Then they also ihayo the Idea that they aro nblti to manage their own affairs. What they havo learned from books, added to what they havo heard by listen ing to tho talk of grown up people has tended to give each of them full confl oi neo In herself. They believe themselves exceedingly smart. Hut they aro not. They do nothing but nllglitly modify the dc plorublo education we glvo our daughters. This education, which I do, call de porahle. Indeed, may he summed up In this formula: Wo teach our daughters nothing but to pleaso men. Wo do not give them any in formation about marriage. Tho families, sad to say, ure hardly superior to the schools tn old Athens, where courtesans vfrro trained to please men. Moat assuredly wo teach them how to carry themselves, -whatever this may mean, Unless to nrouso the. desires of possible husbands by a more chaste at titude, or nt least to convey to them tho Idea that they cannot get possession of the object' of their desires except through marriage. We teach them art. What art7 tTho arts of seduction, muslo and dance. Wo also toarh them to write cor rectly and to converse without revealing1 their Ignorance. Besides this, what do wo tench them? Nothing. This Is enough wo say, for those who aro married shortty after. But tho others? the others nre qulto numerous. Thero aro thoso who are not murrled hecuuse their fllrt(ng scares nwuy tho young men who are fully awara that the Interests of tho dowTy do not begin to cover what It will cost them to maintain y such a brilliant and recklcsji creature as tho suggested wife. Then, thero nro those who are homely. There aro nlso those whoso refined sense, and enlightened mind are no longer satis fied with the moral qualities of young men of today and who do not bellcvo tho companionship of a huijband necessary t.i their happiness. It may be hard on our imilo vanity, but tho truth Is that women Hro fui more able to do without us than wo without them. Tlieso constitute one category of single women. Tlero aro others. There aro those who are not married, becauso they havo no dowry. Thero ure duughters of poor officials who are too well oducated to marry a worklngmnn, and whom others do not wunt because they nre poor. There me all thoso who are waiting for a husl band, anil thero are thohe who have given up waiting, and then there are the widows, the divorced women and tho abandoned wives. All these form In France an .enormous army which numbers marly two millions, How doeti man behave toward these women? Badly. Mun cunnot glvo up the belief that wo man is but utt Inferior being, created for his pleasure or to be the, guardian of his happiness. Ho will not udmlt that woman is, if not his equal, ut least his equivalent. Man still soys to woman: "Give yourself to me or starve." It Is. us Thorese says In my play, "The single wopian," the most cruel of all extortions. And man's ferocity does not stop here. Ho now sees in Woman a cntnnnHtnr a competitor who Is apt to got ahead of nun Because her needs aro smaller, and ho has been, Is, und always .will be, a cruel enemy to her. Ask women artists, shop girls, type writers or factory girls how men hoViav. und have behaved towurds them. A social revolution is about to come prompted by the urrlval In tho market of tho female worker who has been forced into action by the lack of the young men who will marry only girls with dowry, and madp possible by the progress of machinery. I am afraid of this new war of the. sexes In which shameless acts will b committed If 1 ani mistaken, let the women ea t0.