T1TC BEE: OMAnXTSATrRDAT, FEBRUARY R, 1013
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Jeff Should Have Played Turkish Music, May haps
Drawn for The Bee by "Bud" Fisher
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Spiritual Sympathy the
Keynote of
By ELIjA WHKELEB WILCOX.
The ideas of love between the sexes are
changing with other conditions. Accord
ing to ono authority, romantic love be
tween man. and woman first came Into
the world with Dante's love for, Beatrice.
..Before that period
fcatlaritry' had ex
isted, , but only the
'Kaliantry of tho
.male, who tries' to
attract .the ,f,em.alo
a purely sex im
pulse, devoid of
real romance and
hlgh.sontlmcnt.
In tjho, middle
ages and tho days
of -the Christian
fathers. woman
was considered the
author of all evil.
She,, was oven
called'"'rthe door-,0
of taJlj&Sho waf..
told she uvust live
It) .continual penance on account of heav
ing brought sin Into 'the world.
In the sixth century' woman" was,r'for
.bidden to: receive the eucharist In tho
naked hand, because of her imparity.
No Oriental religion ever reduced
won'ia'n to sufc'h degradation as. did. tho
fanaticism of these early Christian,
fathers. ; .--
Here are some proverbs about women
which men made popular in that era:
'"Women and horses must be beaten.'
"Women and money, are the causes of
all evils."
"Trust no woman even were she
dead."
"If you are too happy, take a wife.."
Montaigne recommended poetry to
women", becauso "It is a wanted crafty
art, ' disguised all for pleasure, all for
show;' Just as ' they ' are."
John Stuart Mill once Bald In refer-
ence to those times:
"Some generations ago, when satires on
women were in vogue; men thought It
clever to Insult women for. being what
men had made them."
"Tho woTld has grown away from such
Ideas of woMen; and, with other, changes.
Its1 viewpoint on what constitutes lovo
has changed.. When one wo'mah was sup
posed 'to be' man's' absolute chattel, she
fs. now regarded as 'his' comrade, mate,'
friend and , equal, and comradeship
rather than service Js demanded of her
This question is propounded: "What Is
they highest form of' woman's love fo'
man?"
The question Is at once simple and
complex., Vol every woman Is endowed
with-the qualities that enable her to be a
lover-ess. Not every woman so endowed
meets the one capable of inspiring her.
Not every woman who loves deeply
possesses the spiritual and mental traits
which alone render that love a blessing
and a power for good to the recipient
Ther4 are women whoso love blights and
ruins. Theri are others Whom to love or
to be loved by brings forth the latent
powers In a man's nature and speeds him
to the summits.
The highest form of love In a woman
Is that whioh ennobles not only the man
who receives It, but her who gives it.
. I have, more than once seen a woman
belittled and cheapened by a spanlel-llAe
devotion to a man who was unworthy of
the sentiment bestowed upon him, and
who was wearied, by ii. Such love Is pitiful
and holds no element of grandeur. It is
merely one form o hysterics, and' ought
to come under the-head of nervous di
seases, . .
. A great lqve, "the highest form of love,"
must contain a. large, element of womanly
self -respect, and must dignify the giver
its well as the recipient, even In its most
axtravagant phases,.
It muil.to tomt degree absorb all other
loves antf'.mai'ejtheansecondao'. yet If U
renders the fieart, which 1 its home, cruel
Jio every HrlhgT thing, or blind to any duty,
t ceases' - to be the "highest form of
love."' .4
Phaedras tells of a woman who loved
her husband so much that In comparison
lather and mdther seemed like strangers.
This wife was Alceatis, the daughter of
'Pellus. Bhe cheerfully lald-'down her life
for her .husband, .and th'e gods accorded
her he rare virtue of returning to earth
then she ftlt like it
' It Is quite possible these parents de
served to seem like strangars to their
Tdaughter. Parental affection Is not infrc
querttly a most selfish sentiment, and one
which in no sense includes the highest
gbod for the children, To the majority
dr -fathers .and mothers the inner life of
tliJr offspring Is as unknown as tli'
Hanscrlt language
J.
Perfect Love
-J
A mcro tie of blood cannot force us to
love what Is unlovable.
Jf Alcestls passed from tile lioiiia- where
the average domestic conditions exist into
the full effulgence of a real loye Jlfc, t
is no wonder her parents seemed strong
ers to her. But if her new-found happl-
ness caused her to ignore their feelings.
or to disregard aproperly courteous and
"tlioughtf.ul code of conduct toward thejn,
then it was not the "highest .type of'lovf."
To love truly, absorbingly and passion
ately, anu. one human being ought to mtUo
us more considerate and tender towaru
11 humanity; Just uh the sunlight pene
trates Into dark recesses and warms mul
blesses every leaf and blade of' graBS,. so
a m-eat love should cast, its rndlatlons
upon all who come within its aurn.
.Our sympathies, our benevolence, our
affections should all be deepened and
wldened by- the presence of the great
nwakenor In our hearts. A' woman's" faith
In the man she loves should lie firm and
patient, yet ! should not he blind,'
i T t .. v. ...1 j . . . H..,iu i . . . i -i
Itshould,
be satisfied
selfishness,
make no protest or give no warning:
It should be a1 sp'ur to his best nature,
to his htgest impulse.
Unless a man improyes under tho In
fluence of a woman's love, there Is
a
something wrong with- her,, love or the
manc f
.
jr
.- .Evpry human being, ,e(ther Improves or
degenerates as yeurs- pass by. To the
unprejudiced eye these subtle changes
are visible year by year. There Is no
such thing as remaining stationary, men
tally, morally or physically.
A man may lose fortune and poHltlon.
yet grow Into a finer' and4 more admir
able manhood through the experience.
Ho may,, gain wealth and p' the same
t,lme lose or gain in moral worth, and
these changes should Ise first visible to
the eyes of the woman, who loves. him
The highest hype of love Is. not blind.
It has the good of its object too near
its heart to be blind to the changes
which encompass It.
"Patient Grlselda" 'was not a' noble
type "of loving woman. She encouraged
tho brute and the tyrant, Jn the, man,, and
allowed him to lower himself in't'he moral
scale.
When a man says, of a woman: "No,
matter what I dp she wll say it is all
right," bo sure thSjtwbman is not gfv'lnk
the highest type of Jove. What a man,
ought to be able to say Is; "No matter
how appearances are against me, she
will believe in roe until I can explain
to her. and If I make a mistake she
will be the first to encourage me to be
gin anew and the quickest to forgive."
'No woman . who loves utterly would
think It a great sacrifice to give up 'her
life for her lover were it necessary. Love
is Immortal, and has no fear of death.
A perfect love must Include apiritual
sympathy, mental companionship, physi
cal responsiveness.
Any ono of these elements larking, love
Is crippled.
Cop'yrigh 1913k by Star Company. Great
Britain Bight KeserVed
Advice to the Lovelorn
Hy JJEATHICE" PAIIIPAX.
I.oyc Will t'ouipeuante.
Bear Miss Fairfax: About six months
Lago my brother introduced me to a
young man who is twelve year my sen
ior. I am 18. He was asked to our
house as a friend, but the second time
he came he devoted most of his atten
tion to me. I love him very much and
as ho loves me he has been speaking of
an engagement, but my parents are very
much' against It, 'as they know be could
never give me a home such as I have
at present. They also think me too
young to keep steady company with any
one in particular.
X. Y. Z.
The difference in your -ages is not too
great- for marriage, and If yodr love Is
deep enough, it will more, than make up
for the luxuries you may forego. But -you
owe deference to your parents wishes.
If they think you are too young, ask the
man to come back in another year.
, The Haaleat Task In Mfr.
Dear Miss Fairfax: I am dearly in love
with a girl -who comes to my home with
my sister. I have taken her out several
times and have got so attached to her
that I mutt find a way to make, her
love me. This is the point; I .have not!
got the nerve to ten ner that I love
her, - -
JOHN.
-That Is a story that is told without , counsel ever given
words, and no amount of nerve Is neededto woman. ,
In the telling. The next time ypU take, A mnn, fdr love,
her out, hold her hand, and ''courage wljl i buU a ' woman for
ccme to you. You will never know JJst 1 friendship, Is tho
what you sa.!d, oy It you said anything nnljsafe rule or
at all You will Jut wake up to find , wonWi Keli.i
yourself engaged mun ,., a
Weaker Sex Must Take the Impersonal View '
"Club Life Will Make a Woman Manageable"
r
tiy ADY 1'ATTEltSON.
Tluf other dny n lawyer told me that
W per cent of all women are Irrational
and thatall uf them nre unmanageable.
Next day, as though to corroborutto his
cruel words, one of President-elect Wil
son's best stendgraphers "threw up her
Mob" because some ono had asked her to
Oiurry. She said she didn't liked to bo
"'bossed'."
1, tf there 'was a vote for tho niOBt populnr
I'rlub president In New York, she to whom
nil club women refer as "That lovely
AgiiesArden," would nt least make a
tremendous showing. A club member
rlsjng b 'a breakfast tendered to Mrs.
Ard'en"'un her blrthdny began hor speech
and . finished ,ln one Bentcnce, "We love
I lmr "ifrrtm
her,!" from which. It 'may safely bo de-
I ducid; VhStr jr. Iveene's daughter knows
1 ther iifij!ftbe .monnsemen of, women.. I
I aolfe'd'her whether women arc unmanage-
ablcj artd. she pat Very straight In tho
1 oufiteu'isettco ' hefclde flip window of ' her
j library'' anil- nmlo, thoughtful answer:
;i ha,Vo. been 'VluMng" ft Tor twetjty
! . . ': . . . .. . . .,... s . i . . i .
un-
Irinwc
lagilK "learn a Breaf '-dejiraHoU tho
man'uee)i))nt of ourselves In mosses, from
mefi.i'.FoV' what, we most need is to tako
theMm personal view, to look beyond the
.. . I. .. .i.n ..l.i. tin..
1 ,.f5;, ' ,''n,., 1,1 mi n? tli nrcnnlziitlnn.
jiiuuare able to do-that. They may not
.like a t
l,make u
man. but ll tney inina ne win
good .club officer, and do tho
work of the club well, carry out Its
.plans, they will support him. Men calf
fight as It seems to us who look on in
.terror, viciously, nnil fprget nil about It.
Women can't or at least we find It hard
to do. I admit there Is a grcut deal of
politics in many women's club and that
It is likely to be based on 'I like her or
'I don't like her.' We ought to ImproVo
in that direction and j am sure we would
If we- would think more about tho club
as a whole and the object for which it
Utands, than about tho members of it
. Tnp true club spirit Is summed up In
two words, harmony and helpfulness.
With this high motive it would be well
for everj- woman to Join one or two
clubs. Not more, I think, for If one be
longs to five or six, she can't give tho
best of herself that is left from her
homo to any of, the clubs. Because she
belongs to so many shq Is not effective,
fir only slightly effective. In any. But
In average cases, now that housekeeping
has become so simplified, a woman can
glvo what amounts to an, hour a day,
that Is seven hours a week advantage
ously to her club or two
"Tho actual hour a day is not prac
ticable, but the greater part of two after
noons a week would be. That time spent
In contact with other minds broadens a
woman's life and deepens her usefulness
In the home and elsewhere.
"A danger of club life that I have not
heard discussed, but which seems to mo
a very real one-is that it is likely to
take us away from old friends and wo
miss that very personalness of view I
have been decrying and which should
bo banished from club life. How to avoid
this is a question every woman must
settle for .herself, as she governs her
household matters, according to circum
stances, but don't give up the old friends.
"Club life is slowly bringing about
what we as a sex greatly need, the power
to 'look at a matter quite outside of
self. A function of club life will be to
kill, or, at least, to curb, supersensitive-
Dorothy Dix
In a recent article' dn friendship Sarah
Bernhardt advises women, to choose men
Instead of women for their friends. She
says;
"Kor a woman the surest friendship is
to be found in a
man. The true and
only great friend
ship upon .which a
woman catt really
depend,. 1b the
friendship of a
man." ' -,
To my thinking
a greater fallacy
was never uttered
than this, und no
more dangerous
...A I 'WsMS8BsMBMBHWiafe -7"fflB"a
M
ness. Every woman is likely to be over
sensitive. It shocks us to hear that ex
treme sensitiveness is only selfishness in
another guise, but we must confess that
is true. Touchiness Is an Inflated ego.
Tim cluh spirit and club habits puncture
that ego.
"Parliamentary law Is a great solvent
of all difficulties. It trains a woman to
think not of whether MrH. Brown meant
her or whether Mrs. Smith likes Mrs.
Smith, but what Is good for tho club.
"Clubs train a woman to be Just. They
teach, her to put self In tho background.
They educate her to the broad view and
the kindly spirit.
"We must, of course, go very much
farther In this. Wo must learn responsi
bility for what we do and say. V must
learn to stand by what wo say, hut this
the clubs are teaching us moro slowly
than I wish."
Says:
The Woman Who Says She Dislikes Her Own Sex Will
Bear Watching When Your Husband is Around,
woman there may be liking, there may o
congeiilttllty, pleasure In each other's
society, mutual helpfulness, friendship in
Its lighter moods but betwren them
there can never exist, without great
I danger, tho deep-souled, Intimacy that is
real friendship, that there may be be
twen two women.
No friendship between a man and a
woman can be as cornplet- as that be
tween two men, or two women, because
between tho sexes there must be the same
spiritual concealments as there are phy.
steal concealments. No man ever tells
tho Innermost seorots oT his nature to a
woman as ho doea to' a man. No woman
ever bares her heart to a man as she does
to another woman, because nt the bottom
of the conxoiouftnovB of each sex there is
tho feeling that there are some things
which the other never can understand,
Just because nt the difference of box,
This is wliv een In the happiest and
c'osest marriage both husband and" wife
mt turn awav from each other at
tit 'i othr miti and other women,
"ihis i iii.Uj k s ivtti more true lu frlcm -
1 Jr-W.
KTCKKIE jffiI5EN
"Then women aren't unmanageable?"
"Not more thun men." qualified "The
lovely Agnes Arden."
"What Is tho way to manngi) theni?"
"IJke men," she responded. "Thoy
must not know they are being mnuuged.
They must he allowed to think they are
managing themselves, for like men and
children, If they know thoy are being
managed, they rebel. A club officer Is
only a servant of the sorloty. placed
there to do what tho club wishes. If sho
1eeps this ulways In mind she will never
make the inlHtnlui of becoming arbitrary."
"Tact may b useful?" 1 suggested.
"Tact and diplomacy." laughed Mrs.
Arden, "but wo may be met "with the
argument that tho diplomatist Is a ol
Ished liar." Those words are threadbare
and a more or hut nltislster meaning has
been read into them, f.et us sny 'In
tuition ' "
ii
ship. To huvo some one to fully com
prehend and sympathize with ovcry mood,
eacli sex must go to Its own.
The theory of u perfect friendship
between man and woman, and In whioh
thoy would have a community of In
terest In every subject. In which they
would bo ablo to hold the nndlusH con
versations with no note of weariness,
that Is the essence of tho relationship,
and In whioh tho fires of affection
would glow with a steady heat at which
they could warm their hearts without
danger of ever getting scorched, Is a
fascinating dream, but It has never come
true. Thero Ib. In reality, no such thing
us platonio love. '
There seems to be no dividing line
o'f friendship between the sexes. Bluntly,
If a man und woman are not necessary to
each other's happiness, If they are satis
fied und contented when they ure apart, I
they ure not much friends. If thoy are
miserable apart und cannot live without I
each other's companionship, then they '
arc more thun friends. It is lose or else i
rr
The Single Woman
By milieux,
Member of tho French Acntlotny.
It Is not merely to have the pleasure of
being Interpreted by Mile. Jeanne
I'revo-t that t have written the play be
ing performed lu the Uyuinase theater lu
Paris under tho same tltlo an thU article.
I wont to try to Induce my mul
brethren to do some thinking. 1 exclude
from this discussion all those who In
their whole life have never been guilty
of any wrong towards any woman. And
now, when one has nmde claim to be
excluded, when we are among ourselves,
let us.be frank.
Lot us begin by admitting that tho
charsctor of tho young girl has changed
considerable during the last forty years.
If today we represented on tho stngo n
young girl, like those flcrlho ur Kinlle
Angler has depleted, everybody would
laugh. And ' even running , the risk uf
displeasing my friend Marcel Provost I
want to ssy this, that there nro no moro
wlilto geese than "deinlvlerges" left
among young girls today.
Tho education of the young girl. I
mean tho extensive, hroud nnd complete
education, In only a few years old and
none of t)ie women, who today are 40
years old or more hnvo known It, as thoy
en u lil not attend tho schools or freo col
leges recently established.
Thfj young girl of today Is neither an
Agnes who believes that children are
brought by tho stork nor n creature who
says: "Everything except that."
The young girl of today hns studloil,
sho has listened to family conversations,
which are no longer kept secret from her
such a diluted brand of friendship that
It Is nothing.
Another barrier between the friendship
of a man and woman Is tho outnldo
world, which Is apt to bo scandalous,
and their own human connections. No
man with a wife, no wotnnti with a hits
bund, pan enjoy a perfect .friendship
without arousing the Jeulousyund ani
mosity of his or her marital partner.
Kor this reason It Is dangerous to ad
vise any woinnn to look for a man hsj a
friend. Kor tho young girl who ongages
In a Platonic friendship with a man will
find that It lands her either .In mnrrfugo
or splnsterhood. whllo tho married woman
who makes uny man other than her hus
bund her confldnnte and Kldus Achates
is mighty apt to ponder over her folly at
Ilenn.
The Idea that a man mukos a woman's
best friend Is mi old one, and one that
Is often expressetl, but it has no truth
at bottom. Experience shows thut a wo
mini's friendship Is unselfish, whereas
a man's rarely Is. Many a woman who
accepts a man's friendship is called upon
In the end, to pay for It with her all.
A man's friendship for a woman Is
also generally of tho fair-weather type.
Ho likes her when she Is pretty and
young nnd gay, when she can Uugh with
him und udd to his plousure und amuse
ment. But let tho evil day of sorrow and mis
fortune come to her; let her bo a creature
to be sympathised with Instead of mude
merry with, und hur men friends melt
away like snow lu tho sun. They ure
terribly sdrry for poor Mary, and If they
have money they ure willing to send
her a few dollars. They sneak around to
her homo nnd leave a curd nnd a few
flowers when they havo reason to be
llovo she Is out, but they don't wuut to
eo her with her tear-reddened oyes.
They don't want to listen to her tale of
woe, and they will walks blocks to avoid
meeting her.
It Is a womiui friend who coiiimh to a
woman in her misfortune, who lets hor
weep out her sorrows on her sympathetic
lueait, anil who listens to Iter with a
dlvlno patlouce und understanding, while
she recites over and over the 'litany of
her sorrow, Just beuuuso she knows thut
It euses the hurt In hor heait to have
her pour over It lu the balm of her pity.
And It Is the woman friend who
Mretche out tho hand of awlstanco to
her first when sho needs help. She it 's
who worries hor husband or some other
man Into giving the woman a Job, so
that she can support herself, who remem
bers to Invito her to dinner because she,
is half sturved In a boarding house, and
who doesn't mind if her friend's clothes
are shabby. It's the women who keep up
the old women friends, not tho men.
Men mako good husbands, good em
ployers, good business nssoalates, good
companions to play with, but thoy are not
good XrlendH to women. When you want
u friend whose soul will cleave unto
your own, pick out one of your own sex.
And beware of the man whoso only
friends aro women. He Is weak and ef
feminate. And bo doubly on your guard
against the woman who says that she
doesn't like her own sex, and that her
onlv friends ure men, She'll bear watch
ins when yor husband Is around.
e window
and sho recognises the truth of the say
ing which otieo escaped the Hps of n
Philosopher: "A woman's fate depends
on him. whom sho has undertaken to
pleuBO."
She hns become Interested In sport and
developed her mind lu order, as ono nt
tlio persons in my play says, to reach tho
moral and physical condition which will
mako her worthy to bo chosen by the
best, the richest or tho most Intelligent
of men.
Now this Is no bad Idea nt all.
Men of my age must havo made ths
discovery that the young girls do not
respect us. Possibly this Is becauso their
shorp oyon havo discovered that a good
many of us are not respectable.
They no longer bellovo lu tho superior
ity of experience. "Experience," thoy
sny. "Is tho science of tho past, whllo tho
science which means anything to us
Is tho sclenco of tho present."
Then they also ihayo the Idea that they
aro nblti to manage their own affairs.
What they havo learned from books,
added to what they havo heard by listen
ing to tho talk of grown up people has
tended to give each of them full confl
oi neo In herself. They believe themselves
exceedingly smart. Hut they aro not. They
do nothing but nllglitly modify the dc
plorublo education we glvo our daughters.
This education, which I do, call de
porahle. Indeed, may he summed up In
this formula:
Wo teach our daughters nothing but to
pleaso men. Wo do not give them any in
formation about marriage. Tho families,
sad to say, ure hardly superior to the
schools tn old Athens, where courtesans
vfrro trained to please men.
Moat assuredly wo teach them how to
carry themselves, -whatever this may
mean, Unless to nrouso the. desires of
possible husbands by a more chaste at
titude, or nt least to convey to them tho
Idea that they cannot get possession of
the object' of their desires except through
marriage. We teach them art. What art7
tTho arts of seduction, muslo and
dance. Wo also toarh them to write cor
rectly and to converse without revealing1
their Ignorance.
Besides this, what do wo tench them?
Nothing.
This Is enough wo say, for those who
aro married shortty after.
But tho others? the others nre qulto
numerous. Thero aro thoso who are not
murrled hecuuse their fllrt(ng scares
nwuy tho young men who are fully awara
that the Interests of tho dowTy do not
begin to cover what It will cost them to
maintain y such a brilliant and recklcsji
creature as tho suggested wife.
Then, thero nro those who are homely.
There aro nlso those whoso refined sense,
and enlightened mind are no longer satis
fied with the moral qualities of young
men of today and who do not bellcvo tho
companionship of a huijband necessary t.i
their happiness. It may be hard on our
imilo vanity, but tho truth Is that women
Hro fui more able to do without us than
wo without them.
Tlieso constitute one category of single
women.
Tlero aro others. There aro those who
are not married, becauso they havo no
dowry. Thero ure duughters of poor
officials who are too well oducated to
marry a worklngmnn, and whom others
do not wunt because they nre poor. There
me all thoso who are waiting for a husl
band, anil thero are thohe who have given
up waiting, and then there are the
widows, the divorced women and tho
abandoned wives.
All these form In France an .enormous
army which numbers marly two millions,
How doeti man behave toward these
women? Badly.
Mun cunnot glvo up the belief that wo
man is but utt Inferior being, created
for his pleasure or to be the, guardian
of his happiness. Ho will not udmlt that
woman is, if not his equal, ut least his
equivalent.
Man still soys to woman: "Give yourself
to me or starve." It Is. us Thorese says
In my play, "The single wopian," the
most cruel of all extortions.
And man's ferocity does not stop here.
Ho now sees in Woman a cntnnnHtnr a
competitor who Is apt to got ahead of
nun Because her needs aro smaller, and
ho has been, Is, und always .will be, a
cruel enemy to her.
Ask women artists, shop girls, type
writers or factory girls how men hoViav.
und have behaved towurds them.
A social revolution is about to come
prompted by the urrlval In tho market
of tho female worker who has been
forced into action by the lack
of the young men who will marry only
girls with dowry, and madp possible by
the progress of machinery.
I am afraid of this new war of the.
sexes In which shameless acts will b
committed
If 1 ani mistaken, let the women ea t0.