THE SEMI-MONTHLY MAGAZINE SECTION
5
ing in the (lircotion of the door labelled C A F E.
"Had coffee No. Let 's have some. How are you,
Artie. How's the missus's tooth?" He nodded
genially to three or four attendants who rushed grin
ning to throw open the door, and distributed a hand
ful of change, saying severely: "1 want the whole
foree next time and a salute two lingers up. Good,
now don't buy an American machine; buy a French
one, they make more noise." He leaned on the bar,
illuminating the whole room with a gorgeous smile,
and said: ".loe, my friend, Mr. Stukey. and 1 want
a little coffee the usual, yes and slight the
Italian."
"1 remember him now." said Stukey in a dazed
way to himself; "but how the deuce did 1 meet him?"
lie assembled his slightly fatigued wits and strove
to recall the introduction. Wattiville carried his
Hat-brimmed derby at defiance over one ear. a cane
tucked under one arm and the tip of a rosebud peep
ing from his buttonhole. He wore his moustache
thin in twin rat-tails, kept one eyebrow
constantly quivering above the other
and when he smiled a smile that was
irresistible bis plump cheeks rose up
and dwarfed the twinkling eyes.
"I maintain,'' said Wattiville, raising
his glass and bowing, "that a Bronx
cocktail is not intoxicating. It all de
pends. 1 f you cut out water, coffee and
tea, the system has got to accustom
itself. The mistake is in mixing two
theories. Of course, everything in mod
eration, .loe. the next one n little
colder. I won't pay moro'n a dollar
for this one."
"I say, Wattiville," said Stukey.
"Sav on."
"Where did 1 meet von?"
"You don't know?" said Wattiville,
with an expression of amazement.
"I can't quite remember."
"Fact?"
"Honor bright."
"The devil, neither can L"
They burst out laughing, and shook
hands nn extra minute.
"Joe, on the job!" exclaimed Watti
ville, with a short, warning look.
"I sav, Wattiville, what time did we
break up?"
"Oh, not later than four!"
"I remember your telling the chauf
feur to drive to Philadelphia."
"Yes, I live there."
"What!"
"Always go back to Philadelphia.
Can't sleep in New York too much
'oise."
"What, in a taxi?"
"Sure, the motion soothes me."
STUKKY looked hard, lirst at the
guileless countenance and then at
.loe, who continued in correct fashion
to study the construction of the ceiling;
then, he hastily gulped down the con
tents of his glass, while in his admiring,
timid brain two opposite thoughts
passed simultaneously.
"What a glorious chap best I ever
met;" and, "pretty slick article. I'll
be on my guard about those wagers."
"Joe, the third is all right," said
Wattiville, winking in his glass. "If you can make
another just like that, you can take my pocketbook
and pay yourself. There's a great deal of nutrition
in a Bronx," he added, turning to Stukey; "but four s
my limit until we take a little exercise. And now,
let 's sit down and see how wo stand on the tablets."
At this, Stukey tried to expel from his face the
admiration n disciple feels in the presence of a mas
ter, and to give to his thoroughly faithful dog fea
tures an expression of cunning and determined calcu
lation. "First bet," said Wattiville, lighting his tenth
cigarette. "Let mo see here it is."
"Mr. J. Wattiville bets Mr. Ferdinand V. Stukey
twenty-five dollars that he will drive the police auto
mobile once around Madison Square without being
arrested. Won Inj J. Wattiville."
"I don't remember a thing about it," said Stukey,
militantly.
"Neither do I," said Wattiville. "That's why I
always carry a betting tablet simplifies matters
gaze on your signature."
Stukey considered his scrawl minutely, gazed ap
prehensively at the slips still to he offered in evi
dence, and slowly depleted his roll of bills.
"Mr. J. WattivdU Ik-Ik Mi. F. I'. Stukey twtnty
Jivc dollars that the next married man they meet will
hai-e more sons than daughters. Won by F. '.
Stukey."
"1 have a faint remembrance," said Stukey, putting
out his hand and pulling back the bills.
"Mr. J. Wattiville bets Mr. F. . Stukey twenty
live dollars that he ivill enter the first restaurant at
the riglit going up Fifth avenue and lead the or
chestra at the request of the management. Won bii
.. Wattiville"
"Wonder where that was. I have conducted a
symphonic poem," said Wattiville. Then, glancing
at another slip, he added : "This squares von."
"Mr. .1. Wattiville bets Mr. F. 1. Stukey fifty dol
lars that he will address a ltrooklyn meeting of the
Sons of Erin on the advantages of a defensive and
offensive alliance with Great Hritain and remain
Kpeakiny for five minutes. Lost by J. Wattiville."
"That 's rather strange. How the deuce did we
l4 iW in i,
1 11 - JHrJM'l
y 1 '
He advanced and having coughed correctly, laid I "Mr. Stukey, Sir."
get oer to Brooklyn," he said gazing at the paper in
perplexity. "Do you remember anything about it?"
"I seem to have a slight recollection," said Stukey
cautiously.
"I seem to remember a great audience cheering me
madly," said Wattiville, in a grieved voice. "How
ever, there's my signature. I must have displeased
them. There are a few trifling bets, two bucks apiece,
that even up. I am in your debt twenty-five kazin
kas." He looked at his tablets and started up hastily.
"By Jove, we are due at the Bar and Bottle Club at
one-thirty."
"How so?" asked Stukey, amazed.
"Here it is. Lunch at Bar and Bottle Club at onc
thirly, Tuesday. Ask for Joe Harrigan or Kddy
Luqueer. By Jove, 1 have it! It must have been
those ripping chaps who rescued us in the wilds of
Brooklyn ami toted us home. Perhaps that was
when I tried to address the meeting."
"I have a faint recollection of a couple of bully
chaps," said Stukey faintly.
"We have ten minutes -just time for an easy
walk," said Wattiville, rising promptly. "Joe, cut
out coffee and tea better for your nerves! We go,
but we return."
"They swung into Fifth avenue, arms linked.
"Funny we can't remember how we met." said
Stukey, twirling his cane with an extra rakish
llourish.
"Not al all, my boy. it s delightful. Mystery is
the sauce of life, my dear old scout. 1 am beginning
to like your map. It is so enthusiastic. Who knows !
You may be (lie kindred spirit 1 have been seeking.
Suppose we break the journey with a little repose
in here. There 's an old friend of mine who has quite
a knack with the gin."
When they again resumed their progress, Stukey
said effusively: "By Jove. Wattiville, you certainly
are a Prince. Why do you live over in Philadelphia ?"
"It 's a very sad story. 1 '11 tell you later," said
Wattiville, lightly. "My dear boy, I 'think 1 can say
that 1 am beginning to have a weakness for you. I
like the way jou come bobbing up the next day, eager
and unspoiled. Now, just a few serious words."
"Oh, don't let 's be serious," said Stukey.
"We must. Now, my philosophy of
life is simple. I believe the problem of
this country is how to utilize the unem
ployed rich. We must awake to our re
sponsibilities. The Ill's! thing we must
do is to promote the circulation of
hoarded wealth elastic currency is
the word. 1 wonder, now, if these boys
remember that they have invited us?
My ideal of life is this: to live magnifi
cently, to bring the greatest joy to the
greatest number to restore the glori
ous days of Pitt and Fox and the old
beaux. By George, thev did know how
to live! It is all in leading a regular
life. Be moderate and careful. I al
ways lake three hours' sleep I don'l
believe 1 need but two; but I tnke three.
In a way, I consider myself a scientific
experiment. We all owe something to
science, don't we?"
"I don'l get that," said Stukey, who
had been dependent too long upon a
coffee diet to feel quite at ease on this
sudden prescription.
"It's this. I have two uncles a
bank and a hospital. Never mind, I
will tell you about them Inter. Here
we are. I have always liked this Club
from the outside something gentle
and refined about it. We must try and
recognize them. If they have forgot
ten, it is their own fault. We can al
ways ask if there's any one else who
knows us."
' OTFKHY. who had listened in a .laze,
( as if he bad been the plaything of a
)l whirlwind, searched anxiously the jo-
- vinl. unconcerned features, wonderim'
what importance to attach to the How
of words, lie followed uneasily into
the vestibule of the Club, where an at
tendant disappeared in search of their
problematical hosts.
"The situation is a little unusual,"
said Wattiville, with a quick turn to
the stilettos, "but it seems to me that 's
what makes life interesting. Here they
are. I wonder which is which?"
Two men, approaching forty, arrived
at this moment, one quick-eyed, preco
ciously bald, with stern lips that broke
good-luimoredly at the corners; the other oriental,
angular and gliding; both laughing and cordial.
"Am 1 confronting tho gentlemen who last night
invited us to lunch?" said Wattiville, raising his hat
as a Prince of the blood might do. In other words,
do we know von; or, as it might be stated, do you
know us?"
"We certainly do," said the two in chorus.
"1 can not imagine anything more delightful and
impromptu," said Wattiville. "Of course, introduc
tions are a mere formality among men of the world;
but this is my friend, Mr. Stnkev, the philanthropist,
and 1 nm Wattiville, the Wattiville of Philadelphia."
Stukey, scarcely able to credit his ears, shook hands
with extra cordiality with the bald and incisive stran
ger, who was Harrigan, and with Mr. Luqueer, wIiom
uncontrolled merriment suddenly made him suspect
an, elaborate hoax. Willi a sort of misty cunning, he
maintained an attitude of magisterial dignity, at the
same time watching the faces of his three companions
for the slightest indication of complicity that would
furnish a logical explanation for this extraordinary
luncheon. I'nfortiiuatch, with the cruel postpone
incut of the lunching hour, a gathering haziness made
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