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THE BEE: UMAUA, WEDNESDAY, OOTUBEU 16, 1U12.
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SILK HAT HARRY'S DIVORCE SUIT
There's No Such Thing as a Cinch
Copyright .Wll National News Assn.
Drawn for The Bee by Tad!
1 , i . . . . , . : : : : : I rr ....... .
V-V";
7 IV I fit
Married Life the Third Year
v.
It is a Sultry Night and They Go to an Open Air Moving
Picture snow.
- f
" f
i - ...
Through ?"
Helen nodded, and he "neckoned to the
waiter for the check.
Usually Helen enjoyed the change of
a restaurant dinner, but tonight she had
been almost too
tired to eat, All day
the had been In the
throes of packing.
They were to move
"Wednesday. This
was Monday, and
they had gone out
to dinner because
most of the kitchen
things were packed
and the whole
apartment upset
Warren took, his
hat from the boy
at the ' door and
passed 'on', calmly
unconscious of that
youth's . resentful
stare, "Never tip
'em unless they'vie
got pockets," was his creed. - '
He pushed Helen through the revolv.
'Ing dborand for
TjT "V "
outside latins, down Broadway with Its
myriad of Washing. signs.
"Which way? Want io go over and
take a bus'homer' .) '
"Let's walk tip here a few blocks first,''
proposed Helen. "We don't have to go
back Just yet, do we?" '
"No, we don't." assented Warren,
heartily, for' he too had vlsionsf the
disheveled apartment.' "But I've "walked
about enough .for one day. let's go some
where where we can sit down. How
ibout this? Want to go In here for a few
minutest'
He paused before a place gay .with
highly colored lithographs. 'Admission
10 cents" read thV sign over , the ticket
window. A huge ' billboard stood out in
front. "Today! The outlaw's Revenge!"
A girl In a pink evening dress with flow
Ing yellow hair was bound to the tracks,
while around a curve an express train
came sweeping down upon her.
"Why, Warren, this Is a moving picture
place!" . ti ;
"Well, what if it Ib? Not too good to
ro to a picture show, are you? Some ef
them have mighty good plctufes."
Helen had, of course, seen moving pic
tures In vaudeville, but ehe had never
been to the regular 10-cent "movies."
As Warren thrust his hand into his
pocket and approached the elaborately
sbiffured and blondined lady at the ticket
window, Helen hastily drew him back.
"Oh, dear, let's not go in- here at least
not tonight," apologetically.
"Why not?"" curtly;' '
"Oh, I've read they're so crowded, I'm
afraid It' would bo so close In there it's
so warm and sultry, anyway."
"Wa' -what about ah open-air place?
Lots of those uptown."
In afew. minutes they' were on the
elevated speeding Harlemward. Even
though ; Warren had only a general Idea
of where to ?o, they had little trouble
In finding an "outdoor show." Helen
was amazed at the size of the place.
The whole of a large vacant lot had been
used.
There were row after row of rough
board benches. At the end was a plat
form, with" the huge white-sheeted screen,
and a young woman . strumming popular
airs on a long-suffering piano. ,
Evidently they entered Just at the end
of a wild-west sketch, for a group of
cowboys were throwing at rope over a
limb, while beneath stood a young man
(of the hero type) with his hands bound
behind him. , , . - . .
They, were pulling the noose over his
heod. when two men and a girl, came
dashing along the mountainside. Jump
ing off their horses, the girl waving a
paper, they ran -up Just in. time. The
hero's liands were unbound, the girl fell
in his arms, and the picture flashed off
the screen. ,
"This - way out! This' way out!"
shouted the usher suggestively, hoping
to make room for more new comers be
fore the next pictures.
Helen glanced around the audience
with much Interest Mostly women, few
bf them wearing hats. There Were many
children. Several , baby carriages stood
back against the fence. Plainly people of
the neighborhood, choosing this way to
spend a sultry summer evening.
The name and trade mark of the com
Piny and the notice, "This picture passed
by the board of censors," was now
flashed on the screen. The title of the"
iiext iketch, ; 'The Banker's Son." ,' I
Scene In 'a banking' houre,' evidently at j
night. Clerk taking ledger from ' safe.
Gianbes artmnff fealfuTTy Bnrv'altcr ,
By MABEL HERBERT ITRXER
entiy. Discovery
of theft. Group of
bank officials bending over ledger. Guilty
clerk at 'desk, 'unsuspected.
Next a letter, on the screen a bank
president's son asks father for 1500 loan
The son suspected. Arrested. Stern father
refuses to shield Mm.;
Prison scene, banker's son visited by
his fiancee. Then the girl seeks detec
tlve and Implores aid. Detective-follows
clerk. Finds him betting on races. Clerk
arrested confesses. Banker's son liber
ated. Touching scene father repentant
consents to wedding.
"But dear," whispered' Helen, "why
don't they have more realistic stories?
The pictures are so good, they're no
steady and so wonderfully taken. But It's
all so unreal." '
"Don't . want realism In a place, like
this, romance and melodrama is what
they're after. .Most of . these people get
enough realism at. homel But I do not
to a hundred-dollar butler In a thirty.
seven-dollar flat!" as a new picture
shewed the Interior of what was evidently
a cheap Harlem apartment.
A young woman seated- self-consctously
at the piano, while a solemn-faced bat
ler. who wouldshava..araced. a. Fifth, av
enue;mansion, .brought in the mall' a"nd
with haughty dignity laid It on the cheap
( "That's greafc , laughed Warren. "But
ler goea weir with golden-oak' installment
house furniture! I'll wager this is sup
posed to be a . millionaires home they're
always a scream!" .
And -even Helen could not help laugh
ing at the absurdity of a butler among
such furnishings.
The next was another western story.
More cowboys and pistols and gallop
ing ponies and the Inevitable western girl
in her slouch hat short riding skirt and
leggings. v . ;
"Huh," grunted Warren, "if the auto
mobile drives out" the horse, they'll al
ways breed "em for movlng,pictures."
And all the time thegirl at the piano
was grinding out patheic or lively airs
to suit the character of the scenes. Helen
Wondered how she could keep it up, how
long she had played that day and how
much longer would she have to play,
Plainly the management thought the mu
sic gave an atmosphere to the pictures,
and so it was contluous.
"Had about enough?" asked Warren.
But just then there flashed on some
scenes from India. "Washing the Sacred
Elephants In the Ganges." ;'
"Oh, wait, dear, I do want to see these
This Is really wonderful!"
So steady and clear were the pictures
that one could, see the sides of the hugh
beasts rise and fall with each breath, as
they, lay patiently submissive while" the
half-naked natives crawled over them,
vigorously scrubbing their thick creased
hides.
As they passed out Helen was enthu
siastic in her praise of the last pictures.
"Don't you see, dear, how Interesting
and Instructive" It was?. Why don't they
have more like that travels and scenes
from foreign lands?"
" 'Cause they're not popular: These
people want their emotions stirred."
"But In all these cheap melodramatics
the situations are so impossible. Why
don't they have something more real,"
Helen persisted. "Something that could
actually happen?"
"You'd better write out a few scen
arios." sarcastically. "They bring big
money-50 apiece."
"Well, I think I could write something
that would be more real than these hair
breadth escapes," Insisted Helen stoutly.
"Just a simple story of everyday life I'm
sure it could be made more Interesting,
at least to women." ;
"That's all very well in theory," scoffed
Warren. "But these things have to be
told by action. The action must be darned
obvious, too-sybtleties ana psycnoiogy
don't go. And there has to be something
doing every minute. Guess If you had
to write them tor a living you'd be
mighty glad to fall back on the pistol and
the forged check. -
" Tbe Ueete. '
"Ezra, the man who saved yoW life
by pulling you out of the water yester
day.is at the door." ' I '
Confound Bia cneem nei aiier
money," or course, dui no um u
t.eai claim. Did you tell him that? He
can't get a cent u 01 me not a cent
If he wants to go around diving into
rivers after drowning people, that's his
business. I didn't ask him to do It. He
can sue me If he thinks it worth while.
I don t care. xoa nere. Here's a dol
lar for him tell him that's in full for all
claima Maybe you'd better get a re
ceipt" "
He hasn t come for money." ; .-.
Eh! He hasn't? What does he want?"
Why, he Just dropped In to say that
!f Jie'd known IJt was you who fell In the
i i. i. y . .. ..r j .. ..
YOULL PINX SYMPATHY Hi THE BfCTIOlAKV
fAMcn wiyt AWh .Ai run .7l
i acv WW rilsw wpuiin (J , j
DEMllf D THE HOtK ANQ INSERTED
TH6 emoSfVC WHU.C THEY , "
TALtten AS AS?.b-msff t iftWT
HEARTED MEN VYIIL.-SAV GlS,l
ED Of CHECKING A SAFE ANfj
He BE fl S Af -8 1 0 vVf &uS'
PONDERED OVTp THE SUES7lCt
THEN hSkEOrriOUetHTFULV
ITfe TAyT?taYtr&PEPilEDDU6
BUT W CANT-YAVYtf: DNiYCHISM5
AND ABYSSES' CAN VAwN
v TA-PA-M'RA
5AM30MI5TAH HAYPEfV DOYOW
ICNOVY ANY REASON WHY JAMES
RYAN 3HOVLD BE, C VADIN,' DL
roucc: " ' -j
INTERtO&OTOR -1 DO MOT. tti ffiCl
I J30NT KNOW JAMCSRYAN . '
WHO Id HE . v '
SAMBO-1 CANT TEUVOUWH0HEIS
BUT WHEN WAS COMlN' TO PC
THEATRE T0-NI6HT l SAW A -IH
FRONT OF A STORE DAT
sa)d.-jameA KVAH.3KIWS
AND HI DE3 . ' I WONDA H ;
WHAT HE SKINS AND HIDES FOR
WHI5KER5 OUT Of
THE v CUSTARD !
HAW, HAW, HAW. LAUGHED PfSCY
FROM DEAR Ote LUHnQn:
VHATfe THE JOKfff"A&KED BOWERY
JAKE. THAT CHAP OVER THERE
JJ6T &OT OFF A DEUCED
CLCVAHTHN6 PONTCHA
fCNOw; SAID PERdY" HE SAID,
IP A WOMAN SHOOS HENS
WHAT DOES AN OVERSHOE?"
JAKE iDNt CRACK A&MIE.
HClOOkTCXJAT PEPCV
Dl$G(JSTDi.y AND REMARKED,
SAY, IP AN AfROPJ-ANe
LAMDS ON THE GTlOUND
VYWCRE DOES AN FLECfRIC-
urt ' e v '
AUNT
here's YOUR
I'
What the Pcricct Proposal of Marriage
"Women Tell How Bashful Young Men May Win the Girls They Love.
"
We don't expect the man to po I I il 4 ' 1
iown on one )mee in offering his JC jJk 1
hand to a woman, though that vl II f j p&H
was the accepted fashion yean jbi l yA. J i iHltll
ago,, Men who took this humble Y ! '( V Cr ''w 11 J i
position were capable of being KjrK A? J A. ',
brutal; to her ' after marriage; yf(
Ashamed of an Old-Fashioned Mother
lij WIN1FRKD BLACK.
'14
It
By MARGARET HUBBARD AVER,
What Is the perfect proposal? " '
If your est beau" were' to offer yoii
hand and heart, as 'of course, It is ex
pected that he will do, In what way
should lie propose?
How should he word that little
speech which Is to make you happiest
among women? '
Every girl dreams of ,what her first
proposal will be like, and usually that
episode Is wreathed In all the poetic and
romantic fancies of which her imagina
tion ts capable. "
If you should hare your choice, in just
what setting, under just what circum
stances and just how would he propose?
Would , It be a proposal, a la Robert
Chambers, " the seething and glowing
kind, set in a most expensive brocade
and perfumed environment, redolent of.
high society, or would it be a simple
Mary Wllklna-Uke effect?
Would it .be a proposal over the . tele
phone?
Readers of this newspaper are asked
to help find the-Ideal proposal..
To start off In the search, and more or
less to encourage the bashful, I asked
'three weU known women what their Idea
of the ideal proposal would be.'. .. ,
Firstv I went In search of Mrs. .Arthur
A Brooks, the president of the Gotham
club and a member of scores of Other
clubs. Mrs. Brooks is a handsome bru
nette, with flashing, blue eyes, and one
can well believe that she's had much per
sonal experience and Is an excellent judge
of what a good proposal ought to sound
like. ... :
"The Ideal proposal," said Mrs. Brooks,
"is one that' accepted, and where there
Is never any regret But you oughtn't
ask me suoh questions: I have a grown
up son, you know, and It's a long time
since I thought of anything like that
However, I heard the other day of an
Interesting proposal,, which would appeal
to those who like unique adventures.
"A young man and a young woman had
been friends for a number of years. He
had never proposed to her directly,
though It had been generally understood
that they were well fitted to each other
and would probably marry.
"Suddenly, out of a clear sky he tele
graphed her about as follows: "Let me
know what day and hour you will be at
the door of your hovel. The cave man
of the woods will swoop down and carry
you away by the hair of your head.'
"She wired back, 'Three o'clock on
Tuesday,' and lo, and behold, exactly at
J o'clock she stood at the door of her
hovel, which was really a magnificent
colonial mansion, with a garage that held
three automobiles, and everything that
could be desired.
"Her aultor arrived in his automobile,
and they set out to find a clergyman.
On their way they met her grandmother
out driving. 'Come on, grandmother, I'm
going to be married to this cave man
from the woods,' cried the girl. .
"Of course, the grandmother thought
they were joking, and said she had a
very Important call to make on a sick
friend.
" 'But we're really and truly going to
be married,' said the young couple.
"'Well,; children, If after ail these
years, you've at last gotten aa far as
that I'll postpone my call and come
along with you,' said the grandmother.
"Eventually they found , a clergyman
and . were married.' . '
And did they live happily ever after,
lira. Brooks?" I asked.
"They haven't begun yet. I saw him '
1 saw her at a theater party the other
night the mother who is afraid of her
own daughter. Poor thing, she looked
miserable, and no wonder.
Daughter sat In ,
uirieed tO kill, and
front o( the box ;
mother sat in the
shadow, scared half
to ' death, for fear
she would sty
something wrong or
not say someinmg ,g
at the right minute.
Daughter t .kept,
a P o 1 o g iz Ing for
mother. She laughed
wben she did ilt,'
but she laughed
just the same... .
. "Mother, doesn't
approve of this,"1
aid daughter, when afhalffnaked Wpman
leered across the footlights and . made
eyes at the men In the box with daugh
ter. "Mother . la scandalized:", and mother
to do her justice, 'wai scandalised;, and
she couldn't help showing It, thdXigh ,she
did her very best i to Hook pleated and
amused. , ...': ' ;"'.'" v.f
."MothaTjIkes problem, plnys.V said the
daughter, "Just a little, for ""matinees,
when she can do alone or with some old
lady , f rlend 'and Jhe can Jboth cfy. 'and
say how . mean men are and how, sorry
they are for the abused ..heroine.. Bill
YfiHt' she really, loves Is 'Mother and the
Three of Vt; and 'Uncle Josh Whltt
comb,' and things like that,, with. '.Rubes',
and somebody singing a "hymn somewhere
In the dusk, and everybody happy In the
last act." And the half-grown hobbledhoy
in the box with daughter roared, with
laughter.
"I do not," protested poor mother,
blushing the color of. the roses that
daughter carried; and daughter giggled'
nd looked her half-veiled contempt, till
every one who saw the party and reallted
what It mesnt felt like taking daughter
out somewhere and giving her a , good,
old-fashioned spanking.
Ashamed of mother, and making fun
of her to hide It! I'd like to see a girl of
mine try any such capers while I wo
young enough to hold my own head ut
without a trained nurse to help me do it
Ashamed of mother? Why? Because
mother, doesn't smoke cigarettes, and
can't beer cocktails, and doesn't like risky
stories.
Ashamed of' mother because mother
wasn't "in society" before she was mar
ried, and never heard of a butler till she
married father and they grew rich to
gether. Ashamed of mother because she liks
peppermints Instead of chocolates, and
prefers cream In her tea instead of lemon.
Poor child, poor child, I do hope the
time will never come when the mother
ynu . art ashamed of will have to be
ashamed of you.
Human nature is Just the same here lit
town that it was when mother was a girl
in the litt'.o village where she was born. .
She has seen you act exactly as the girl
acted back home who ran away with the
circus clown and came back disgraced
for life.
Mother may not know what the Trench
song the half-naked person Is singing
means, but she knows what the young
fellow with you means when he leans
over you and laughs with that look in his
Insolent eyes.
Mother' Is funny, Isn't she, and out of
date, and old-fashioned not half so clever ftA,
as Aunt Marie?, Aunt Marie can go the ,; ,
pace with any of them, and does It. tbov
when uncle is out of town. And (She 'is -suoh
fun, ;and such a bully chaperon!
If only mother was iiiofiiik thai, nowf.j.
Why. ynu poor little goose, mother loves
you; that's whst Is the matter with her
yes, even you, and she's about the only 1Jw ;
one In the world who does love you, too.. .
They'll all leave you when you fe IIU-
and poor and forlorn: when the man
you run away with runs away with some t
one else; when your eyes are faded with, 4
crying and your heart la too heavy to let ,;,.
you laugh; they'll all go. Aunt Marie and t
all the rest-all but mother, all but poor, vi
foolish, out-of-date mother. She won't -leave
you not she. , , . , ' :
She'll travel across the wiije world jto lPj, ,
find you, to take you in her arms and to""' ,,"
tell you "Never, mind, honey; . never .f"
mind." And she'll hold your hand, 'oT
docked 'with rings now, In her hand, and l.'6
....in 111. - 4. .1 1. ....I H...."riA
juu 11 u nr inn loci oi. il, jnouier nana;
end she'll believe' every foolishfeeble lie
you tell her, end she'll fight like a little
ruffled brown hen for you If any one ' "J
tries to make her believe the truth, and
she'll take' you home-ahd dare arty1 one',,',"rtl
one to. laugh at you. ' , , ) !rt
Apologise .for, yott? Shq'H, brajj,, about
you! .You didn't run away; , you ; were j.,
married at some famous, church abroad
and he4.A9 one knoWs .how. many nota-,,
blcs at the , wedding;, you weren't de i4,
eerted-why, Jht .very ldeai-you are,",, ,H
home on. a visit;, your husband Js dread-.v.
fully weary to have you back again, but'j".,
you wanted to see the. old place and thef;
old friends; and aome day husband will j,,
die abroad, .and no one, will ever know,
And mother will hold up her head thenrt,,s4
as ehe never (held it up before, and"she"lKaJ
make you dress and go out, and smUa ,(.,,.
and fool . them all-all the cruel gossip,'.; '
who are trying to ferret out the ,aecret,j81
of your agony and disgrace. And she'll'
stand by you, will mother, aa no one-'-else
in all the wide world will, the little"
old-fashioned mother you laugh at and
apologise for now. 5 '.
Silly gtrl. who don't you realise what
she means to you right; riow; and make
her happy as no one" but-yoti-can do7
Let her see that you love her-j-let the
whole world see tv Wlyrf .aHe was young
once, too; she had sweethearts and heard ''" '
them say sweet; tWnga to her. Tell her
of your conquests;' make her your chum,
dearest friend, your confident; she'll be
game, will mother; she'll .'understand.
Try It and see if she doesn't; and she'll
want to cry for very Joy, too,' .
And, whisper don't laugh at her any
more. , ' . , :, . '
. . " . .
..'
rotated Paragraphs. r
Every matt Is the hero of hit pipe
dreams. ; ..,..'- v .- .43
It takes ntne tailors to finish a self-"'
made man. ;" '.;-. " -i
There Is nothing more convincing than,
eloquent silence. ' " ;:I0
Most of us. get what .we deserve, but.
fall to recognize it.
You can always get something for y
nothing in the form of advice.
The first time a girl Is disappointed
In love she begins to map out a career.
After the fiftieth birthday a man doesn't
have to pay the fiddler so often.' (
A man has an awful time when his wife;,
is away from home and he needs fresh
locks. i . '' ' ! ' .Si
It is impossible to make something out
of nothing with the possible exceptloa13
of a bathing suit.
couple of weeks after the wedding and
aked him how his bride was. He said,
'Oh, she's still 'trousseaulng,' rs the pro
posal and the marriage were so nearly
simultaneous that she had no time to at
tend to that very Important ltem-her
trousseau,"
"However, they thought they were most
romantic, because they alluded to their
home ss hovel, and he felt that he had
all the chivalry of an Impetuous young
Lochlnvar and some of the fascination
of the cave man. r"
I remember a long time age a personal
experience with a millionaire who had
made his fortune mining. He worded bis
proposals always in the same manner:
When will Anita share . s hut?'
"He wrote It In letters and sent It by
wire, and for a long time he got no re
sponse at. all. though he probably won
dered why a proposal that sounded so
romantic should be met with absolute
silence.
"A millionaire's proposal should not be
taken too seriously; he should bo given
plenty of time to change his mind; It's
better that he should do It before than
after marriage?
While Mrs. Brooks' young suitor aimed
to be romantic, Miss Mabel Hill, artist
and teacher decried the man who tries to
be chivalrous and only succeeds in being
ridiculous.
Certainly we don't expect a man to go
down on one knee In offering Ws hand to
il woman, though that was the accepted -v
fashion years ago. Men who took this '
humble position before the lady of their
heart were quite capable of being brutal
and cruel to her. after marriage, and,.
modern times, which have brought a lit- (
tie less chivalry, have opened woman's '
eyes to the hypocrisy which It so often
concealed." - " ; .:. "j
Miss Eleanor Mullin, who is a prao
tlcal young business woman, says: "The '
Ideal proposal should combine sentiment
with a Bense of practical responsibility.
It . is no longer sufficient to say, 'Oh,. '
come with me and be my bride. The
modern man must be able to add, 'I cau
support you, Though, of course, this
rather sordid element stauld be cloaked , j
In the proper words and hinted at rather
than expressed. . 1 . ..:
"Most men dread proposing, because
they are afraid it makes them ridiculous.
One man of my acquaintance is so mor
bidly afraid of ridicule that he says, The
only way I can ever propose Is to lock -
myself In a vault for I should say so -
many r,ldimilous,,Urtng.that',,I jrorft want Vtf$
anybody to hear me.' ", .; ' "
But how about"then'best""glrl?. "She -rij
wouldn't be able to hear either. Anvhow.'i .-1
this mart ltf stUl 'jar'.bacheloy.!' Nourl -am
anxious, to knowf whaV the, men as'.well vA
as the girls consider an Ideal , proposal -nf Si " 'J
marriage. ; "y. ' f-;, J
..WW
1 i
I