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THE BEE: . OMAHA, TUESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1912.
SILK HAT HARRY'S DIVORCE SUIT
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Is it Any Wonder that Goats Are Missing? Drawn for The Bee bv Tad
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Copyright. -1911 National Newt Ass'n.
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Word Pictures Didn't Make No Sale
"As we look around us, madam," said
th sentimental stranger, "we see the
haves falling from the trees "
"Well, they'll Just have to fall and be
done with IV Interrupted Mrs. Curfew
ImpaMontly. "I suppose you are selling
some kind of mucilage that will prevent
the leaves from falling. In which case
you can go and use It, for I haven't the
time to climb the trees to glue the leaves
on. There's no use opening your satchel
to produce a sample bottle of your mucil
age, mister, and you don't need to toll
me about the statesmen and prelates who
have Indorsed It, for I have made up
my mind never to buy another thing of
agents under any circumstance. My
husband Is lying In bed covered with
poultice and tincture of Iodine because
of an agent who came here yesterday
pestering us to buy a new kind of a
back action stepladder which could bo
adjusted to any height by pushing a
lever.
"He finally made a sale by giving Mr.
Curfew a briar pipe as a premium, and
ifter he had gone away ray husband said
the pictures needed rearranging on the
wall. He was suffering to use that new
stepladder, like a little boy with a dumb
watch, so he carried It Into the parlor
and began fussing around with the pic
tures., Presently I hoard him scream,
and then there was a crash as though
the "end of the world had come. I ran
Into the parlor and there was my hus
band piled up in a heap on the floor,
with that stepladder wrapped around
htm. It didn't break anywhere In' par
ticular. It Just broke all over. My hus
band Is lying in bed, as I remarked
before, with a broken collarbone and
three splintered ribs, and his sufferings
are unspeakable. But he would drag
himself downstairs, shotgun in hand, If
he knew there was another agent at the
door." ,
"He surely was unfortunate," remarked
the stranger, "and when you go up to
his couch of suffering I beg that you will
' convey him my sympathy. I, too, have
suffered, having once been fed Into a
thrashing machine by mistake, and my
heart goes out In sympathy to your hus
band. But I am not selling glue. I re
ferred to tho falling leaves as a re
minder that winter Is coming. The north
winds do blow and we shall have snow,
ns the poet says. Are you prepared for
winter, madam? Doubtless you have coal
in the bin and bacon In the larder and
tobacco in the old tobacco box, but have
you a supply of Dr. Stemwlnder's Ori
ental ointment? There , Is nothing like
It for frostbites, chilblains, toothache,
hay fever
"Oh, bother your Oriental ointment! I'll
KO after you with an oriental broomstick
If you pester me anymore. Any mention
of ointment always brings back the sid
dest experience of my life. It was last
spring, when some sort of rash broke
out . on my face, and an agent cams to
the door and sold me a box of ointment
which was composed of the most whole
some Ingredients, he said. I was to ap
ply It whenever my fae annoyed me and
In , day or two. my trouble, would . be
ended. I put it on tho bureau In tht
bedroom, intending to use It ,at night
before retiring.
"Soma people were coming to our house
that evening, and I went uptown to buy
some refreshments, and while I was gone
another agent came to the house and
sold my husband a box of some sort of
rat poison thta was made of phosphorus.
He put it on tho bureau. In the evening
tho people came and we sat around In
tho dusk talking, and presently my face
Itched and I went to the bedroom and
applied some ointment. Of courta I got
the wrong box and used the rat poison.
When I returned to the sitting room the
women jumped up and shrieked, and two
feinted and one had fits, and It was no
wonder, for my face was like full
moon. So If you have any sense you will
disperse before I resort to violence."
Chicago News. '. '
the minister is a paircr and the
police man is a peeler
EVERYBODY OWED HAWK
SHORE 'Jot MONCH THff RENT
WAS WC ANDTHr ONtV WAY
HE COULD GET MflNBV WA$
TQ pi5 uP C&KD $atc
AflO PI AY 101 HUNDRED,
aroe cdLtetrero Twe dovs
TO-OETMER AHD THry
fe0ATTO POft A liter
QUIET GAMC. THE HSSf HANS
DEALT JOE SAID BOO. POP
THIS HIS KNOB CONNECTED
WITH A LCO OP" A TABLE.
IN A HAL P Art HOUR Hfi SAT
UF fl ND HOLLERED,
FC0U5lrt7ANWA5
COMING FJ?M HOShKGSh
ON THE t?.l5 TRAIN WOULD
THE TAXI tofTeR?"
ft it 1 1 ' '
2EKC30WE FflOMDOWN
0ANGOR WAV 15 VISITINO
IN NEW YORK. ZEKB SAYS
DangoR Folks donterink
ANYTHING EXCEPT PCf?
MEDICtHE BtT THE RES
ftuiTf a lot op sickness
THERE JUST NOW. 2Cre SAT
m THE Pcrnut GALLERY
ATA BROADWAY SHOW AND
ENLIVENED THE PPOCfEDWAS
3V HOLLERING OUT,
lr HAvc FEET HAVE . .
MOSUITOS?"
out of my barnyard
HO COW CAN KICK
ME AMD LIVE
ENTLCNCN De SEATED
TARA"RA"RA
INTERLOCUTOR- SAM, yQU SffM
TO BE THINKING y ABOUT
&OMETl4fNfr.
5wf VCS WI6TAW MUrtDERS.
I WHS JUST THlNKIN' WOaj
IMPORTANT A MERe ATOM JOME,
ATOM HELPED TO WN DE BATTLE
OF WATERLOO.
INTERLOCUTOR- 0W WAS THAT
SAM-WHY WHCNDE CRUCIAL
MOMENT ARRIVED De DUKE
OP WELLINGTON CALLED OUT
TO HIS RE6IMENV VP GUARDS
AND ATOM." AND DATCtfAYftrEl
DECIDED JE FIGHT
CROP THAT OYSTER AND
leave: thr wharf i
Deadheads Done to a Turn
Some time since we quit giving adver
tising to those who are able to pny. We
have opportunities every day to give
away space, but all of those fin chance
are now declined with thanks. Several
fair associations have furnished us with
entertaining stones about their amuse
ment enterprises, taking that we kindly
give them several dollars' worth of space
that other pay for. Also there would he
inclined two complimentary tickets.
Now, we have tried complimentary
tickets tried, scalloped, on toaat, and
smothered In onions, but found them un
palatable in every style. Chopped fine,
they might make good brkfat food,
but we have no chopper. And at the end
of the week we are unable to unload
them on the pay roll, the obstreperous
employes seeming to prefer cash. And so
much of the time In days agone the help
got all the money, leaving the boss to
subset on complimentary tickets and
.a
commendatory resolutions. It's a pmr
diet, and we quit It some time since,
A base ball team will pay rent for
grounds to play on, hand out money ,at
the drug store for a ball, give the hard
ware store the price of a bat, fork oyir
to the clothier tho cash for a suit," lay
down the coin for a pair of shoes, ahd
then ask the newspaper to donate suffi
cient space to get out a crowd.
A church society will give a chicken pie
supper, dishing up a bunch of antiquated
hens Incased In Indestructible crusts, and
the newspapers give sufficient free adver
tising to bring out a crowd of customers.
Maybe they say "Thank you," and maybo
they lay down a couple of tickets. . In
the latter case It Is nine chances to one
that when Mrs. Jones tees the editor ap
proach, her nose curls Into a pretset, and
she inys, spitefully, "Well, there comes
Deadhead Brown to sponge two meals off
of the church. "-Wellington (Kan.) News,
Exercise and Common Sense is
Miss Dresser's Beauty Formula
A Wonder to His Wife.
A Missouri lady Is trying an experi
ment. Her husband is a brilliant man,
but loquacious. Realising his phortcom
lngs. the wife Is feeding him on fish.
Three or four times a week she prepares
fish in some delectable way. He is show
ing some uneasiness and 'ha-s a marked
predilections for water, but being innocent
of his wife's motive, continued to. eat
the dishes set before him.
To her. pastor, tho wife recently con
fided: ,
"You see," soberly, "John Is a very re
markable man, but he wastes to much
time sermonizing when he should be
thinking. "He talks altogether too muchv
To counteract this, I am feedhig him
fish. During the last two months 1
havo served him with swventeen different
varieties of fish cooked In forty-seven
different ways."
"Why fish?" asked the pastor, greatly
, replied", thi wife, "fish Is
good for thought."
- f 'I see,"- tald Jthe reverend gentleman,
"but tiave you noticed " any marked
change?"
The wife's face grew sad-
"Do you know, Mr. Jones, that hus
band of mine Is such a chatterbox that
I do believe he could eat the whale that
swallowed Jonah and never lose a
syllable! Woman's World.
Urttlng Their Fall Titles.
, One of theNew York representatives
to congress tells of a social function In an
assembly district political club on the
east side whereat the ohalrman of the en
tertainment committee acted aa master
of ceremonies. -
The chairman was very- busy Introduc
ing the newly arrived members of the
club to the guests, who Included a num
ber of municipal officers. The representa
tive mentioned was presented in a way
to have his official honors with his wife,
as "tho Honorable and Mrs. Congressman
Blank." Next came a couple who wfe
not known to the master of ceremonies,
but, after receiving the correct name in
a whisper, he announced;
"Mr. and Mrs. Inspector of Hydrants
and Faucets and Bhop Works Cawy."
Pittsburgh Chronicle-Gazette.
; WI believe in the very simplest
toilet preparatidns- just those
that are absolutely necessary
and nothing more. Many peo
ple believe that beauty is skin
deep, but you know that this is
quite wrong. Beauty is a matter
of health and temperament. I
I want to keep well, and 1 try
to keep happy."
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,: o s :
THE MAGICIAN "
A chilly draught came through the closed win
dow and the sharp cannonading o raindrops
driven by a northeast wind sounded against the
Within the" roohi was holay chatter, and ome
one drummed a ragtime air on the piano. Ijoud
voices joined in the' refrain,-and then the song
ceased. " The guests moved toward theaupper
room. , ' V . ' y
PaBalng where I sat, a woman spoke a single
sentence.
I do not even recall the words; the sound, not
the senae reached mo. . ,t .
But a curious change seemed to take place in
my environment.
The too splendid furnishings of the metro
politan drawing room faded from sight and the
sharp cannonading of the northeast rain ceased.
I saw wide casements opening upon green
lawns. . V
A full moon was shining sumptuously In the
arched skies, and a woman clothed in white with
floating dapertes of ashes of roses walked along
the garden rath, leaning on the arm of a ourtly
man. . ' ' ' ' - ' V
They :' paused midway In the garden, and the
woman placed a slender finger' upon the one
crimson spot in her gloriously pale face. Then
Conyright 1912, American
By Ella Wheeler Wilcox
both looked toward a stately tree from .which
fell a silver shower of song, the incomparable
song of the southern nightingale, the mocking
bird.
..Everywhere there was a subtle, elusive smell
of magnolia blossoms.
I The woman and the man walked on and found
a seat under a spreading tree.
She lifted her eyes to his face, and he looked
down upon her, and in both faces love shown, as
radiantly, as softly, as sumptuously as the full
moon In the midsummer skies.
And aa silently. ;
In the whole 'world was nothing but love and.:
beauty and the song.of nightingales and the scent
of magnolia blossoms.
All this necromacy was performed uncon
sciously by the lightly uttered words , of the
woman who passed by me where I sat; the woman
who bad com north from below the Mason and r
Dixon line, bringing with her the magic of her;
southern voice. ' : . s -
The guests flocked back from the supper room,
there was chatter and laughter, arid I was again
in the too splendid drawing room of a great me
tropolis, listening to the canonadlng of the north
east rain driven by a cold wind against the win
dow pain. ' ,
Journal Examiner. , ", - .
Changing Seasons
. Hy WINIFRED BLACK. . , f
"Honk, honk',' they are fylng South, , and the milky way, how soft and fair and
wild birds. Iast evening, deep in white it gleams, a broad pathway across
1
THE CHARMING PROFITS OF. MISS LOUI8B DRESSER.
ByJiL4RARETHaBBABD AVER.
Just before Miss Louise Dresser's' act,
tho obliging young man who rubs the
moving pictures at the Colonial put on a
reel-that is the correct .term allowing
Miss Dresser working hard with a medi
cine ball.
It's a very JUuramating real,, because it
illustrates beyond question or doubt what
a beautiful woman Miss Dresser really
is, for you ean't look like much In a too v.
Ing picture unless you are really and
truly handsome and young, and It shows
how Miss Dresser- stays beautiful despite
her hard work on the stage. .
Miss Dresser was making up when 1
went behind to her dressing room to ask
her what she did besides throwing the
medicine ball -to retain her health and
good looks. ',
"Don't know, I don't do any of those
weird things that are supposed to keep
you beautiful, and that people Insist aU
actresses must da in order to preserve
what, looks they've got," said Miss
Dretsorr" looking at me candidly, while
she paused In the act of beading her ey.
lashes,, which means putting big lumps of
black paint upon them. , ;
, "I believe In the very simplest toilet
preparations Just those that -are abso
lutely necessary and nothing more. Many
people believe that beauty Is skin deep,
but you know that that Is quite wrong.
Beauty is a matter of health and temper
ament.. .I.want to keep well, and I try. to
keep happy. , i- . r
"Really,'.' , concluded Miss Dresser, as
she made a perfect cupld's bow over her
Hps with red paint, "really keeping amia
ble and lighthearted is half of the bat.
tie." - ,. .V
"But what about the medicine balir !
"Oh, that." said Miss Dresser, "I got
It to keep mo from stagnating, as so
many' people do around the stage. There
are hours at a time when there Is noth
Irg' .to do,, and 'especially If you' are on
the road In a town where jrou have not
friends or acquaintances there. Is no way
of killing time, and too much time is bad
for anyone. Isn't it?" V
"When I wag out west one timer the
manager of the theater happened to catch
me while I was tossing the medicine ball
about the stage, which I did every morn
log for at least an hour.
""Why do you do thatr he asked.
"'So's not to get rusty,'' I answered
laughingly, 'and then It keeps m1n good
condition, and I avoid even the fear of
over getting fat."
"'Why' don't you tell our women
about thatr aald the manager. 'Invite
them in, and I will,' i answered, and
the upshot of it was that I gave a lecture
every morning to the women of that
town, taught them how to throw the med
icirw ball, how to wake up naturally and
physically, and the danger of stagnating
or slumping."
It was time for me to go if the star
was ever to get on the stage In time,
and I reluctantly withdraw.
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the
the purple mystery of the gathering dusk,
I heard them. "Uonk, honk," they cried
f r.'ii. uhmp tlm r.lrnllna hills', "honk.
honk,"flylng South. ,
"UoodDy, sum- mTit
I mer," cried the
I wild voices of the
'flying birds; nood
by. Bummer, good
joy, goodby." Fare
well, sweet spring-
ling flowers;- adlos.
l long days of , idle
pleasure. Goodby,
light laughter , of
the flying hours un
der the Summer
moon. Idle, time
is going, play time
Is passing, the roses
have packed their
fluffy ruffles and .
departed, the popples hang their heads
In the qulot garden, the tail hollyhocks
are not quite so straight and tall as they
were.
' Gone are the delicate wild flowers on
the hills and In the valleys and meadows
the wild rd Illy flaunts her beauty in
place of the shooting stars and the wake
robins that lived there Just a little week
ago.
Goodby Summer, goodby. The Jeweled
humming bird that ha fluttered to and
fro In the hop vines, threads his shim
mering needle less often now. I wonder
If all his tailoring Is done.
The birds, have all gone, they went a
week ago except such as stay by choice
around the houses where people live, and
last night there was a party of falling
stars.
Wh-l-l-l-z, the first one flew across
the purple of the autumn sky like a
silver pendant falling from the robe of
some great court beauty decked for pleas
ant dalliance. Wh-l-i-s, another fol
lowed, wh-o-o-o, there goes the third,
why, it's a regular fireworks of a night,
the heavens, leading where? I wonder.
The I,lttle G'rl had never happened to
remembur a frast if falling stars be
fore. ' ' :
"Oh," she oiled joyously., "oh! it Is a
message someone Is rending its a signal.
Yes, yef, we see, wn Me, but ol, we do
bot understand," and the l.ittla Olrt
spread her slender arms wll4 and held
them open to the glory of the nlf ht. and
the mystery of It. . . ,
"Oh," she s'ghed, "If we only knew
what they are trying to tell us. If we only
knew," and her soft eyes grew large and
luminous, and she was silent for a Ion?
time. 1
1 told her the best I could about the
stars and their - ways and about tht
great shining plannts that roll on and
on In space, and do not even know that
we ' are here at all, we and our tiny
little , whirling globe, and she listened
with widening eyes and cheeks- tliu
glowed .with soft excitement and vital
interest.
"'Oh." she said, "we are so little, and
they are all so big, no wonder I get
lonesome sometimes and don't know
"what I am lonesome for."
Goodby, summer; goodby, goodby. The
asters are purple on the ridge back of
the little cottage where we. lived this
summer, tho ridge where they Baw, onlj
three nights ago a wild cat leaping from
rock to rock, and heard him purring in
the moonlight like some giant tabby.
Tho golden rod shakes out his yellow
pennants to flaunt In every vagrant
breeze; the milk-weed pods are full, and
the stiff Spanish bayonets are sharp as
the Ingratitude of the one we loved and
trusted. -y-
The thletles shake their crowned heads
In every by-path, and in some green val
leys, high above the rest of the world,
there stand the dandelion sentinels, all
white with age.
Puff, puff, does your mother want you7imlle
What time Is It, dandelion. Puff, puff,
go sow your yellow button seeds for th
coming of next spring. ' ,
Puff, pufr, the air is white with the
wool of the cottonwood. Goodby, sum
mer, goodby. . . " .
How stiff and prim the .dahlias stand;
look at '.that red one. with the double
ruffle around her old maid's cap,. Why
she wouldn't speak to .you without aa
introduction for all the world, and all
the watering pots In It. , ,
How, shy and delicate the cosmos be
side her, blue, pink, white, faint yellow,
butterflies changed to rowers, the last
offering of summer. ' a
Goodby. sweet summer, goodby, " good
by. I ' have learned much duHtig ths
drowsy days, much that ought fo- make
the world a brighter place for those Who
find their happiness through ma. May I
never forget any of that I have learned.
Here Is fall whistling down the rood,
lusty, ruddy, open-eyed JalU What a
great boy of a customer, he is, anyway.f
th: fall, with his shoulder cap of russet,
and his shoes of yellow and his throat
latch of scariet and browm
Sue, his arms s.ro full of fruit and of
strange, brown woods? Mow they will
burn In that friendly fireplace 1n the real
home In the city! . -
What's that he carries on his back? A
sheaf of books? To be sure, we've al
most forgotten how to read out there in
the shade and the moonlight of lazy Sum
mer, and crowding behind hlin at his Yery
heels, what a horde of kindly faces, old
friends every one. '
Coming home-to the everyday life of
work and strife and endeavor and ac- :
complish'ment, and love you, sometimes'
I think, almost better than luxurious
Summer. ; ,
There's a glint of frost In your hair.
So looks the old friend of my heart, tried1
and true, the one I can trust with the
secrets of my life. " ,, j
Thee's a sparkle of splendiu vigor In
your eye. Fo looks, or so should look
the man and the woman who are getting1
into the Fall of the year of life. ;
Vigorous, friendly, sane, kindly, tho
hot hates of the youth of Summer passed.
the wild wishes of the winds of Spring
forgotten, or .only remembered with