Tin; ni:.:. omaha. satfudav. .tantaky r. i'hl
10
The
9
o
VJaga z i p p) a f e
"US BOYS"- Looks Like Skinny Shaner Is Doomed
Legistrrnl I'nitrd States Patent office.
By Tom McNamara
Ml!
VOO OHT ROM A,"Y AMY MOR MM. StONNY. IF "tcJll
VJAMI TO JUST" TTt u AND ILL I WIS r TOOK. NOSE
OFF fVNoTOMAKE A GOOD BOYOlVT OF Yoi.
AJO MJI ICR HOW MUCH TROUBIC IT TAKES.JOSrY
HOLD CFDI'SV
I" - -ViB
HEY. COME BACK
HERE
THIS
HEY COME) I ouch!,
3,
r,e mtREs shrimp h'5 cttz iMcjoim'Tgr etAr
AFTER. ME 1V)0: OOH-OOH! L' HUMfc UOH.btt Ht
1 .
-Tiv.? fife.
7
AKMI UlSTEM,Y0l StANO RIC-Hl Dr.lUl T II L 1 1 ET MOID OF ")
HER.. AND DOMt YOU BliOOT: It- YOO DO III CATCH YOU J
TO -MORROW AMD TOOLLC.rr WORSE- T1IAM INlS. I "
ft C4czii
TTT
VMELt-OlRlb LFAP YtAHsii DONf TRY ANYTHING ON
HCRE AC-AIM. HERFA A UiME THOUGH. iM A WISE
CHANCE TO PtM YOURf LFpUX I WONT DROP. lM
on SQMC peer. t-sooB i'j ft-i.frSJEg OATC H)
j ( rci LIFE, r- I i
YOU WAIT lILt. TO- y;t. ANOlHEM MWMA POTS M6
MORROW SKINAJY ILL
GET YOU ! '
To BED FOR COMIM6 NTO THE
HOUSE WITH MUOOM
w Hors.GEe h
OOIMC-. ro KUM AWAY
AND BE A INDIAM!
IH AN C'.NDY SMrn)tf ASK YQU.SAf OM MUH .
-JTfVt
7
ID BE A FOOL TO GIVG jl f ? AhV BE D0N6j
Ur I MIS utt
ANYHOW
ntr ' tihf'n', i! , j
'!!''; l liJl i!illliHfllhlli,mi.J
-
TO
HV'liliUl I vx
i ,fcu, i ...
I 60T CHR.
STEVE, I
GOT CHER.!
Women Should Pop the Question
:J
I
A Ballad of the Brake Beahis.
Hy IJCUOTIIV 1)1 X.
I
J
Georjfo Willis Conkp, a lecturer at the
ItoHtun Srhool of Social StloncP. electri
fied an audience the other n!Kht by do
( lailnK that women ulinuld Uo the pro
poinK to tho tnen - .
nowadays, nnd that
when any lady saw
a man thut he
thought w o u I d
make a likely hux
land she should
)op the question tc
Mm a.- he would
If he met up with
n ftiil that struck
his fancy.
"Women at ' th
present time, ' ap
pear to Ijb' gettlns
a better education
than mm, an J
therefor should bt
hW to select a
lielpmato more In
telll(?ently than a
man can do. They
should take, the In
itiative In love, and marriages will be
happier when , women do the courting,"
says Mr. Cooke.
Mr. Cooke Is dead rlRht. Women
should at least have an equal share In
the love, making. There Is no other
thliiK on earth so. cruel as tho Juct
that .women are not free to choose their
mates, and nothing else Is sucli a
stumbling block in the way of human
happiness as the Idiotic convention that
makes them atand helplessly by and take
what they can get In tho way of a hus
band, Instead of Kolng out and hunting
up what they want.
Just think how grotesquely absurd Is
the situation In which women are placed.
From the time she is born a girl baby
is taught to look forward to marriage.
It Is tho end and am of her existence,
everything from her meal ticket to the
welfare of her immortal soul depends
upon her getting the right surt of a hus
band, and yet when the momentous hour
arrives when Bhe must settle her fate,
Mrs. Grundy ties her hands and gags
her!
All the power that women have In
matrimony la the veto power. They
can refuse to marry the men they don't
want to marry, but they arc not per
mitted to pop tho qiKNtton to the men
they would like to marry. They have no
voice In choosing the man with whom
they must spend their lives. They can
not pick out the fathers of their chil
dren. It Is tho tin nstrous injustice of
civilization, because It Is founded on
nothing but an imbecile prejudice.
I honestly believe that nothing would
do so much to stop divorce as for women
to exercise the right of popping the ques
tion. To begin with, womtn have more
intuition In matters of the affection than
men have
consideration of tho subject, and as a , questions, liut private consistories are
'whole, they would muko a wi"r releo- not frequent nowadays, so a cardinul's
tlon of mates than nun do. Women know I chic f share in the government of the
instinctively what men ar" suited to them ' church is that of presiding over the varl
temptramentally, and when they m irry j ous congregations which have been cs
nieii who are not cjnscnliil It Is goner-j tal.Iislud for the despatch of different
ally because It id the Ia.it call to the I kinds c.f ecclelatli al business. These
dining car for them. 'courts, set up or remodelled by l'ope
M.-n marrv In two wnm T:iv h. Sixtua V In tile slxfeutli century, wire
lly DAMON 1U NVOX.
Do you know what a frciglit train Bays to a guy
When lie's ditched, nnd It goes runiblln' by?
Uumblin' along it (slugs n song, and Mils is the song it sings so high:
"Hani-guzzum-gazzani-gazzam! "
L'o you know what It means to a truvelin' gent
When he's t'run from a train and broken, and bent
He lies there hurt In the dust and dirt while tho train sings hack from the
way It went?
'Ham-gazznin-gazzam-fiazzam! "
c
Do you know what it. Is to suffer from cold,
From thirst, and hunger, and theifbe rolled
Offen a deck on the bock o' jour neck while the song comes bark where the
miles enfold? ,
"Ham-gazzarn-gazzarn-gazzam! "
Do you know when a freight train hits a switch
Wit' a roar nnd u slam and a snaky twitch
The hymn bo grim it sings to him as lie lays watchln' it from the ditch?
"llam-gazzani-gazzam-gazzam! "
.... - .
That's what a freight train sayB to a guy
W'.pn b.'s ditched w it' a boot from a brakeraan spry
money of their ow n und ho many more ; Ciissln' his luc k be lays there stuck 'till anothor train conies a-rumbllng by
they, could get instead of the men they
wanted, and they are revenging their dis
appointment ami chagrin on their hapless
husbands.
Strangely enough, although they would
be largely benefited by giving women tho!
right to propose, man. especially Anglo-
Saxon men, view the Idea with honor.
They seem to think that it would bo a
torturing experience to have a woman
ask their hands In marriage. This is an
error. To be made love to by a pretty
girl is quite a delightful experience. Well,
rather!
Men also seem to fear that if women
pop the question they would have no
chance whatever to escape niatrlinnoy,
and that they would lack the nerve to re
fubu to be hers when a lady asked him,
no matter how little they might fancy
tho fair . sitttoresg. This Is also a mis
take. Men don't hestitate to say "No"
good and hard to" the woman who trlcB
to borrow money of them or who presents
to them a go.d-brlck business proposition,
so why should they be shy about de
clining to go with her to the altar unless
they so desire?
Of course, the one tangible objection
heretofore to women's proposing was the
feminine lack of money. A lady couldn't
very well ask n man' to assume her board
bill for life, but now so many women have
have good Jobs that enable them to be
linanciuily Independent that that obstacle
aas been practically removed.
There are those who contend that It
would be a horrid, bold thing for a
woman to go frankly up to a man and
tell him that she loves him and would
like to marry him and that she was satis
fied that she could make him happy, but,
rightly yiewed, would not such a proceed
ng be Infinitely more modest than the
underhanded means a woman now has to
vnl:o to catch a man's attention and lead
him on through chicanery and deceit up
the proposing point?
Uive won.eu the right to propose and
every wife, will be breaking her neck try
ing to please her husband, und there w ill
ou no more unhappy homes.
r
A Cardinal's Duty
j
As for tho duties of a modern cardinal,
if he resides In Home ho graces the pope's
entourage, assists the holy lather at great
liturgical ceremonies and Is his official
helper and counsellor in the government
of the church. In a consistory or assem
blage of the cardinals about the pope he
may confer witu them on such matters as
tho nam.ng of new cardinals, the appoint
ment ef bishops, the conclusion of con-
they devote more thought to eoreiats, the choice of nuncios and like
'Ham-gazzam-gnzzam-gazzam! '
f
MODERN WOMEN
"A ma Id win n there were none to praise
And very few to lovo." Wordsworth.
You'ro much too vain, the pulpits say
Too chilly, cheerful, ehlc, or chattery.
Your soul-wrecked husbands strew llroad-
way
Front Hiiclnnt Y tinkers to the llaltery.
You'ro fond of fiction and of flattery;
You do not scorn a naughty play.
Why should my heart get pltll-patlery.
When you the friendless cross my way?
The doctors criticise your dress.
From h.it to heel, with stern severity.
Your diet and your stays they guess,
Are both Imperilling posterity;
Hut, 1, usplrtng to asperity,
Seeking to break you, only bless.
How can you have the wild temerity
To bo so rich In loveliness?
How does this blindness come to be?
Where Is my sense of true morality,
When, every day, I hear und see
New diatribes 'gainst your rascality?
It's grim the verbal liberality
With which the "experts" all agree
That "Modom Woman" spoils Fatality.
Why doesn't she seem bad to mo?
Oh, wicked ones, so worldly-wise.
Cultured and getitlo and lmeprlous,
From your emancipated eyes
Comes tho same; age-old and mysterious
Thrill that old lovers, staid and serious,
Got from prim Janes and Margerys.
Oh, your ate dear. If deleterious,
Though I alone apostrophize.
3
Sherlocko the Monk
11 GVH MAO Kit.
Copyright, V.dl, National News Assn.
The Adventure of the Missing Ferryboat
ONE OF OUR.
FE.R.RT BOATS
has disappeared
FROM IT'S SUP1
COME WArSO.TO THE DOCK1.
OKIN& THE BlNOCULfcRe.
come enamoured over n pretty fac e or i completely i eorsan.idid una uuapua to
else marrv on the arab-bag princiDle. mou. i n cenuiuons iy cue present ponint.
A man makes up his mind some fine
clay to get married, and ho proposes to
the nearest and handiest woman, without
ever investigating about the lady's In
telligence, taste or disposition.
UjI If u woman had the privilege! of
picking and choosing !.er life partner she
would tuin over cveri thlurr on thi
gain i oui.li : .ind ui'i'ly ec. y t st I ) find
out whether lh" h; ! :ni she w a setting
was all wool and a yanl wide, utii guar
anteed not t sin ink nor run In t!:. v a ,h
of matrimony.
The man icisan. ho'vev.r. that do
mestic peace und felicity w. '.;I be ali
mented by women l.:ivi: g the rl;ht to
choofc'.' their husband.! Is iVtt'tlie happy
wi.e .a a ... uii . ,i i-(.i .
You bear nothing .T matrluvii.- being a
failure In those 1io:iks wh'tc the wi.e
thinks that she has t, .t the pi ize package
iu the P. tli ry of Wtd'.i , k.
As long us a wou.ua ;.i r.tadly In love
with her husband no liber that he do.-s
for him is bard, ni su. ;.f.i is hltti r.
Nor does it make the sn;:i. ;.-.jt d ff-Mcn.-e
what Burt of a man he Is. ble n-w.-soes
him e.vept siirro imb d by the l.aio
1 er fancy conjure up, and to b. r n. I si a
Jhto of romani e. a rii v iji.ii l( foi,:
whom she spends Mr li:c in bhssfliy
bin itlug in. iV -e
There i.-n't in..- sii;:.:!i-st do..l.t ti.at the
ma.'orily of ii in :i t '.-d wives the ie-n-lacked,
nagging, xti a .'Jgurii, w)nn:n
wise that airilel so in m, good i.i. ii
are the direct lesuit f the system of
cuurtbhiK that prcvintj a vo:;i.in from
taking any active pur! in ln -n; i k In
Tlitiu women uii hud to take ti.e man
Cardinal: In Home also attend of course
public cousbtorles at which the pope con
fers red bats, brings lo a conclusion a
I r ce.-s of canonizution, leeches tim
Liusudoi'H, etc. liut bishops und other
prelates may assist at such consistories.
The cardinals' most important duly.
bar- ' however, is the election of a bishop when
th" f ee I" vocii.t. This duty belongs to
them ni.d to them alone. On the holy
"t'hir's death a commission of four rar
d! a!i at on.-e taUes chary of nil current
buslm ;-s, summons from all parts of the
world their brother cardinals to enter a
('( ni'liive und procr. d to i.n election.
Thougli a r:tr I'nal Is commonly chosen,
I here Is no restriction on tlm electors.
Anv man who may be er become a bishop
may be elected.
A c.irdin.il's privilege s are la keeping
villi 1:1s hi-h position. He l as a pla-e
ar.el a ute In i:crni:il councils, be Is the
only one to leave r;oTie ss a leate, a
late-re, he t.iles precedure of all other
church rtlirnltarb-s but the pope, in sei'ii
lar curls he Kinks with princes of the
blrod roval, in 1 1 ts t always be addressed
as "Y.,nr Kmlnen.-e." is robed In scarlet,
I ;.s a sa phlre in bis ring and v.i nrs a
lcti'Ml fru'S Cardlnnls from religious
t v.it ss h iveve-r, I'fi p tie cob r ef tneir
r, ., '...!, - so ' -r-lirifil F.:lc-i w 1 1
cms I" Fr n I ran er i . W.i!1 i r r I ;'it.
S. J . i I V.l"li 'ell !:- 'eW 'if P.r II ,e ,.
" I,.... I HI . l,-lnh.
T. a. hi r-Wbat did ti e 1'bllistine my
after Ha vie! had slain tiollath?
Willie e) I supiosei they dld. "Never
mind. The ason voting yet. Wu.lt till
Wild lilts a biunip." i'uek.
I lTHER'Sl I NO.WATSO. THIS I
I )C5l I HUUCec ejtr I f n..p- ....
. ' ) I . iwrc WAS, CUT
) 1 . AX"00') hNlTMASHACP
T ' x OU-f EVIDENTL1 THE" J
BT J0V6, I DIDN'T LlTeXAT-TJ!N'T'J HA1L AT OTDR. )
tNOVW THAT SHEDDfc SOMEBODt I A J? I BAT- WATSO f
UP A PLE ON TO J llHOSE CRiVRs! A JZgl J
THECLE'S THC I 4 u , SA1, NERVO.l ' f t.VNfcL-. 1 wanhd 'i
NOW WATCftl -G! LtfcfijL A HUNDREDS OF fi'A 7 CfAfHf-'4 BCAf J
X- . i'tji-.- WAiTINt K) TMAT V t ?
WTrA' Jr-r.' J K1 1 fTl'':-'fT IP YOU HABy'T,..'
' i i . pi . UJI ,
Broadway and the Rube
Hy WINIKHKH m-.YCK
"How In the world do you manage to
live so fsr from llroaelway ?" said the
good detective to the reformed Get Klch
Quick Man In the play.
It i : ill
"th," said the
Get Rich Quick
Man, "wait and
see."
And the detective
does wait and he
does see,
Huih wondrous
things he sees
drnnscoats, automo
biles, valets, but
lers und old men
of eighty-odd, su
ing to make a
night of It at the
club after a wed
ding supper. "I
see," says the de
tective, "llroudway
hasn't got much on
you rubes aftor all."
And the wholn theater full of rubes who
were seeing tho pluy rut and laughed
and laughed so hard they nearly forgot
to applaud. 1 wonder why?
Automobiles, valets, footmen, a night
at the club what a glorious ambition to
know all these varvelous things, to drink
them In with your mother's milk, even If
you have to roost In a flat und go In
debt to your tailor to do It.
Get rich, get rich, get rich!
Don't live In a home; live In a cave.
Don't have a friend; have a waiter.
Don't have children; have butlers.
Don't have a wife for u sweetheart.
Why, the Idea of doing such a "Rube"
thing as that w hen there's a whole street
full of show glrlu Just waiting for you.
Choose a good girl und marry her as
soon as she'll let you find your happiness
In her sweet eyes, your comfort In her
simple faith, your wish to live because
she lives, and you can make her happy!
Tut-tut. You'll never gi't very far on
Hroadway with any such Ideu as thut.
And yet there are people, who take that
view of life, million of them right In this
very country' of ours, and, whisper, they
,ook happier when you look right at them
than these) wise folks who are so much
in the know," us they'll call It, It seems
lo inc.
Good morning, Mr. Country Cousin. Just
In from Clevelund, aro you? What, you
find the rooms small hero In littlo old
New York, and tho house- are ugly and
not comfortable In any way? Well, Just
thfuk of llioadway, what ran you say
about that?
Lonesome, here in New Yo:k? Why,
the Idea.
The town is full of waiter and taxi
driver und hato chuck men. They'll all
be inlghly pleusant to you If you only
treat them right, but for goodness rako
don't let them know you come from u
place w hero you have a front poivh all
lo yourself, and three bath rooms, and
lots of real file-ndi, und a library full of
leal books, and loom enough 10 keep
them, too, or they'll know you'ro Just a
"Hube" und liiugh at you, and that
would In it fearful tiling.
Yes, yes, I know your kind. You'ro In
lovo with your own wile, nctuully in
lovo ivitli her. You work together- hand
In bund you two, I'e.or tud.iy may be,
but what hopes for tomorrow. Ilud time
now, but never mind; think what's ahead
of you. Whul's the dlffeienee If the
roud you walk Is a little rough In places.
You'ro together, you und tho woman you
love, loge thi r all the w iv.
eVhut's that ahead in the turn Ihere,
a bogle man, sickness, poveity, discour
agement? l'ooli, pooh! Sing the bogle
out of existence. Why, what u sweet,
eiear volee Mie has, the llttb" woman who
walks with you.
Whew, that was a bo atue r that bill.
She'll be tired to death. U but, not e ven
punting, the little wboman who seemed
so eleileate when you chos.. tier out of
all the world to be your companion down
the- long road? Hie'a laughing at you for
being tired. Mhe's as fresh as Hint her
self. (Hi, on again. Now the road U smooth
for a while. What a charming bit of
shade. Who are these coming lo nicest
I vim Hntvii tin- uuo-f leekisl shallow? littlee
frilow they are.
Sen the one ahead there his mother's
very eyes.
Who is the rid cheeked liulsame In the
boats'.' Your own lather alive again If
ever a man stepped In his grandchild'?
slues.
How n. any fi lends there are tiloir,' the
wuy. Theie s the fellow you he lped i.lirn
he was il"V. n anil out. Doing we ll now Is
he? That's good.
Mow his (.lie lights LI i when Iu sees
you.
Sie. tin le a the poor girl the I. Idle
Worn m stood by when she was In trouble.
She d elic to serve cither of you now.
What a rompuny you are by now, you
snd tho Kittle Woman and tho little fel- ;
lows, and your friends and the Uttlo
Woman's friends, and the little fellows'
rrlends, all travelling; together, singing
sometimes, laughing sometimes, crying
a little, too, sometimes. It's a long road
you travel, and there are bad places in
It, but together, all together, all the way.
Growing old, nonsense. You Just hint
that tho Little Woman Isn't the prettiest
woman In the world to little Hoots there,
and see his fat fist double up of tta own
accord.
You commonplace, a little dull? Just
let any one say that about you to Ulue
Kyet and hear what she'll answer them.
Together, together, In sun and rain,
together, together, in tempest and in '
peace, always together, warm hearts anil
true, for better, tor worse, for richer, for '
poorer, in sickness and In health.
What, not a show girl among you, not n
a single aflnlty? Don't even mention such -.
words in such company a this,
No butler; never beard of
valet;. ,
couldn't mix an up-to-date cocktail to
save your life? Wouldn't dream of mak
ing a night of It at any club? Never '
saved money enough for an auloinobllo? ',,
Stay off Hroadway, Mr. Rube, you and
your family and your friends. They '
wouldn't know what to make of you'
there.
Uut while you're In town, Krolher Rube,
go to the theater and seo one of those '
foolish, foolish plays about the Boobs
and the Rubes.
It will make you laugh, nut at tho -Rubes,
not even at the Boobs, but ut tho
funny, funny people who laugh at them.
"Hroadway hasn't got much on' you
Rubes, after all," said the detective In '
the play. I wonder it the clever man who
wrote these lines has the faintest Idea
how true, how gloriously true they are- i
r
Little Bobbie's Fa
J.
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.
Merry Chrlstmus, wife, sed Pa, wen
he calm In lust nlte with a bundle.
The ealm to you, deer, sed Ma, & a
scrsppy new year.
& a what? ted Pa.
A a scrappy now year, Ma sed. What (
In In tho bumlel?
Well, sel Ta. I will tell you. I was .
Jest thinking on my way downtown this
morning that tho best deeds peepul doe
to other peepul is tho deeds thut Is did
long beefosr Ct sum tlino after Christ--mas.
That it why I bought these llttel
gifts, snd I'a, nltho It is u. littel after
Christmas. Hera Is a shite for Bobby,
sed To, In order that he may rite on It
sum of tho good thing that his father
doe from day to day. I know It Isent u
vsry big slate, Tu seel.
Well, ced Ta, I have here a fine kimono
wieii was bought for me by a Chinese
merchant 1 met downtown on Mott Btreet
last week. Feel Pa, & bo promised to get
mo a fine klnioi.o. Ho mado good, too, ;
red Pa, look at tho changc-nbel colors In
It. It looks like tho dawn cummins uii '
like thunder out of China ticrort the bay.
IJoesnt it? fed Pa.
It is the worst looking pecco of work I
have ewer saw, sed Mu. The colors
donnt "blend. They doant what? sed Pa.
They do.ir.t blend, sed Ma. the thing look
like one of t lit in cruxy epillts w icli was
made in the olel days by the honest pil
grims. You rant c.vver malk mo belecve
that a regular Chinaman artist ewer
wovo any stn h fine cloth as this. Why,
sed Ma, out In Frisco we saw kimonos for
two dollars that looked as much better
than this a Hllllo Hurke look better
than Zliysco, sed Ma.
I am sorry you do not liko It, sed Pa.
lie gulped kind of hard & put It away,
kind of geiiti-l, out of the window. Maybe
you will like these Dutch shoes. They
i-ame frotn Holland. If thay are too big
I can talk them back At git them changed
Thut It what the yung gurl sed. anyhow,
wen she sould It to me. I know she will ..
keep her word, teeo, sed Pa, beekaus she
had eyes us blue & trust-ful as two twin
lake. - ,
She did? sed Ma. -
Yes, sed Pa, she did.
In that case. Ma sed, I do nut feel tha.
I ran accept the shoes. To begin wit
.Ma sed, 1 do not know where or wen
cud ware a pair of wooden shoes without
Kitting all my lady frends after me. They
mill say thut a pair of wooden shoes was
the only pair of shoes I hud, Ma sed, & ;
that wud brake r.iy hart
Weil, sed Pa, I am glad you liked the
other gift wicli 1 brought hoani the .
other nlte, such as the birdseed & tho
dog bisket the pree-pared food for the
gold fish. -I had hoped for a better recep- .
shun wen I calm hoain tonlte will lais "
bundcl.
a. -
5v
ey