Till) RKK: OMAHA. KA'ITKUAY. DKl'KMHKK M. 1911
"h e e c jn ajf a z i rp p) a
it
If Harry Would Only Take the Judge's Advice
Col) I lfclit. l'.Ml, National Krwa Ais'n.
By Tad
3VD&E
W &OAT AROUND
SEASO
CH&ETA. UP HAjMW-
Pont fEE? TMnw 6-
Or- V00- NIIV6 ' I
see rwe voiu-o
liFtHJ-OF THEM
J.OOOH THE
Pfuo-HT-'0
op rwNs-j
-Yooffll 0voi.c.T - CHECK, u
DOnT AkE HN QUiT-ComE On
Vj'J. Tf-E. A SNfAUC AND LOOK.
OCkTME CHlCtctN Ct-Of-
UTTl-S TM'M CrJ
1 7r
7"
toys)1
"if A RCMEM&nu THERE'S
ilM wov c AN Another -
NVOflK AMHP -CONTROL V?UH;EJ.F-
V
11 v
e a. i i r-nc ( (
.SHE'S "Poo
63
x
C
DARN THoir
BAfiAA.
MiEVl OF
THlNir J
r
Preparing for Marriage
Ky DOKOTHY DL.
What quallflcaUon beyond soulful eyes
xA peaches and cream complexion
should a girt have for matrimony? Should
a Kir! be permitted to . marry, just be
r i fool enough to aslc
her, If she Is utterly
unskilled In do-'
meetlc arts, anil .
but a few perish
able good looks to
to the making of
a happyhome?
When , a young
man who wants to
marry a girl has
his memorable . In
terview with papa
on Ui subject, If
papa has a grain of
sense In his head
he aska the suitor:
"Can you support
tny daughter in the
style In which she
has- ' been accus-
tomed 6 live?" And
before the young
man gets the girl he has to prove that
he can take care of her and provide for
a family. . '; ,
That is nothing more than sane and
right, for every man knows that no mau
ter how much in love a young eouple are :
they. cannot. stay, In. lav'e, nor be happy,
unless they have enough to eat and a
roof to cover them and plenty of fire te
keep them warm. It may not be poetic,
but It's true, that all romance Is based
on physical comfort. ' ) -
But when a young man goes to 'get
married why should not . his mother go
to the girl to -whom he is engaged and
put a few Questions' to' her concerning
her fitness, to marry? Why shouldn't a
man's mother turn a stern and inquiring
eye on the girl and say: "You woman,
can you take care of my son in the way
In which I have always been accustomed
to doing? Am I safe tin 'trusting his
digestion to your eooklng? Am I justified
In leaving his pocketbpok in your hands?"
And before the man's mother says, "Bless
you my children," why shouldn't she re
quire the girl to show that she knows how
to manage a house well and economically?
This would only bo reasonable, for tho
-welfare of a family depends Just as much
on the wlfo being an expert, in her busi
ness as it does upon the husband, being
capable in his line. It's a blighting thing
to romance to Jmlt, but the continuance
of domestic bliss depends upon the, stats
of one's stomach. Dyspepsia turns love's
young dream Into a nightmare before you
can say scat.
Norway has taken- up this important
subject and there Is now a bill pending
before, the legislature that provides that
a glrji must show that she can cook a
dinner with her own hands', sew and
mend, superintend the laundry and take
care of a child in sickness and health
before she wilt be granted a license to
get married. It makes no difference
whether the girl has enough money to
employ a dosen servants or not. 8 lie
must be able to do hrr own work It it
should be necessary.
That's a wise law, and It would be a
glad day if one like It was passed In this
country, Xor It .would, do more to settle
the divorce question and promote con
nubial bappiness than anything tire in
the world,
Not many of us have the courage to
face the truth, but It is true, neverthe
less, that the principal one of the thirty
seven different reasons why marriage
is s often a failure Is because the wife
does not know how to cook and keep
house when "lie marries. Of course, when
a man Is courting a girl he ttlinV: that
It doesn't make any difference whier
she can tell a kitchen range from a
pbonwgraph or not, because he's uniiyr
the Impression that when he's niaiTie1 o
his charmer he'll live In a subllmi'd
etate. wnsre he'll bo entirely above xich
sordid v things as beefsteaks and (icv
To his surprise, however, he finds oil'
that after marriage his appetite returns
with a rush, and that the physical er -n-forts
of a clean . and peaceful place In
which to live are as necessary to him
they ever were.
Indeed, meu marry Just to got a borne
more often than women do, and there
can be no other thing so utteiir llni'!.
sioning to the man who has tirnred of
hoins, sweet home all of his life, to re
turn of an evening to a place where a
red-eyed and weeping bride is struggling
vainly and Incompetently with a problem
she has not been trained to solve. One
Reek of dinners of soggy bread, and
aatery vegetables and burnt meat will
dim the brightest romance, and most
young Wives subject their husbands o
three of four years of this ordeal.
Doubtless the reason that the men who
many widows are proverbially happy la
because by the time a woman has Milled
off her first husband with her cooking
he has learned her trade.
Neither can any man's love long sur
vive his wife's wastefulness. This Is not
because he Is stingy, but because It Is so
heart-breaklngly discouraging for him to
know that the results of tils hard labor,
his very life blood, are being thrown
away by his wlfo by her mismanage
ment. It must mske a man fairly hate a
woman when he sees his chances of ever
getting on in the world being cast into
the garbage can and pilfered by thieving
servants.
Of course, the blame for this state of
affairs rests with the mothers, who hope
that their daughters will marry, but do
nothing to fit them to make marriage a
success. This Is one of the crimes of so
ciety. A woman should think It Just as
much a disgrace to raise up a girl who is
not fitted to bs a good wife as a man
feels -it- a disgrace If his son marries
without being able to support his wife.
And If the mothers won't do their duty
in this respect then the state should step
in and protect the poor, defenceless young
men, and no girl should be granted a
license to experiment on an Innocent and
Inoffensive man's digestion. Make her
prove before she marries that she Is a
good, freehand cook, and knows how to
market, and you will usher In a domestic
millennium. For happiness and good
temper and good health and all the Vir
tues, depend upon the state of the liver,
ind that's In the keeping of the house
keeper, .... ....
It's a mighty responsibility a woman
assumes when she tskes charge of a
mail's stomach, as well as his heart, and
.t's only fair and 'reasonable that she
hotild be able to show her union card
before she qualifies for the job.
f His Wonderful Car
Bj PERCY SHAW.
I met him at a neighbor's house,
And thus he said his say:
"I've raced my'car ten thousand miles,
She's good as new today;
There's not a hill she cannot climb
Nor mod hole she can't scorn:
And all the. while no change of tire
And engine scarcely w'brn.
"Khe's hunted humans on the streets
And coyotes on the plains.
She's, vaulted creeks and scattered cows,
She's laughed at snows and rains;
There's not a place she cannot go,
A thing she cannot Jo;
And don't forget she costs me les
Than car fares used to do.
. r
"I've run her up a flight of stairs,
And through a twelvo-fool pane;'
I've broken records all the way
From Yellowstone to Maine.
I always bulk at taking duct
And sixty miles an hour
la Just about my normal speed
Not using extra power."
Wiy n next I met my auto friend
. His wife was at his side;
He pushed an ample baby cart
And twins reposed lneide;
I heard their weary mother say
As on they slowly strayed.
"I wonder if you'll ever earn
Enough to hire a maid?"
Pa a 4 'En l p.
"You know Kibble?"
"Yes."
"I'erhaps you know that when you hold
out a bunch of cigars to Mm he Is pretty
sure to lake them all?"
"I vo heard so."
"Well, I had a 1st of bad cigars In my
desk and this morning I held them out
to Kibble."
"Tesr
"lis said he'd quit smoking." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Who Put That Spud in My Sock? -:- By Tad
sTS? X saw mj ju. s- a ff!Sta-saHa-rf! JtiSm
A5 OLP DAMBUft" ONCE .SAID NHEN A
i.l.V FAPMEW THfe IVOBV TfCKCEfc.
SAT AlONfi IH Hi i JTVO'O
fi.Av(Nio a lull Apy.iveTie'
WAVwTA 50or0 TO DJ5TlP&
WlM. H JVS T ptAV"D AMO
we door choke in and
JOHw 0'f?iLW rl-ATLESJ AMD
coatless fcowep opr. Bu.
ANO VvHUpETJlEO R0WEW-
CAtrAE IN X. Ute
NMftULO JHE. et.UCKlCEO?
NILWArvA'.; TAPJE VOOR.
FE.ET" OUT OF .TME , OVtTrH .
HA-MA- IVE GoT A SOPT
3"&5 NOW IH AiTDCfc
CoMf-AMV OVER If
?TT5J?ClR&. IPOMT
JHvW V? TILL i IM
Trig MPftH'Nfr-
4
Mi.
TWS.TOCWEJ IH THi X-ITTUT
sFp fiCHOOU lOUSE UKAJ A
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W0 Of evssf FlfruT AMD COU-P
TEU. TH VNMNSTH5 fOU. 10 VEWtJ
tJACK nrjJTE A AENVEARf
J0N A60VT i-AN6f0flD AND
N- FOR MIJ Ci-AIf. n (JOES
INE 0ED IIU LAM E Wr
T7N"ES I THINK.
NEWTrtiCW Hfiif At-Wflyj TrWH
H AUNAWS G'rES Rt, MNAfrER.
WT I'M UEfTOTHE OLD a-ArVr
St frM
i i -
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SpU 0 IN KAV SOL.
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AN 0-OVMkMAN AnO 1H&
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TiUt-.OE. THEH JUT
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JS-ASON. OFAt-LTMS BU ttfW
IH THE SrAft YJkAAS VMAi THE
fncsrvaa tmcv calico iT
MeWMAs. tANK.'S &0AT VwAi
foR FAia, M E J5AT 50WN
GBt,C& A SHEET OF PAlUHlMtNT
AhOTOGET ilpUAfiE VMfTH Tt
hi mmej pe.niciol vers
HE WAS. COftMi ON BOTH Kli PEUT
ANp ME LtKEi TO JN A- A SOCO
W A ORENNEPV
BtT NHEN HE. VK.AMK Ml UTi t
H5CHiRrtD4OM0lt6 OF THIS FOAMV
0t VOt"-t VAITINA-Foit TE
fP0CrFf20M THE IVfiy.
M M-Mt "00 NT GCT NO
UCkCRMkE that h
ON A MAT NIKE TMAT--i
OMEX By iO.THN A
N'aTJMcw 0ETt ATM
THEN I (rO HOMS ANO
irooy ws LwEi Foe
TVE JHOW VuEtfc.
ms. I'm joumo Aitrep
A UCrW
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TOPOTJU.
TMIIPPMU
4
Sherlocko the Monk
i .. i .....
Tho Episode of the Looted Grocery
UV'aU'S M.-GKH
Copyright, 11) 11. Katlonul News Asii'i
'i '.'. i
SOME TOUNaSTfcAt
VliTH A SWEET TOtfTU
I PRESUME
"UC Ll.. pun rv
' -"wir
nw- this
,ftUSAAfc MAD
hc. Motive
Seem to bp C
MUCM PUTUR6ANCC
TOUR, "TOCK -
1 "1
ITM,lOI.t: '.I I TELL W THE fUXJIC
T "T' , .. . TOUsX COAT J . " V
I) TAKE US TO TOUR. . P "T
V&ycsnT . JJ J
m . I -ISA I I I F0 U I
. f
3 m
1-'. rrr
3UL '' Mi f in m I
I -I 1 1 ' 1 1 1 1 1 If 1 . 1 : ' ' 1 " I
' 1W
I
. II
I JUST THE GAIrtFL '
I Of PWJNES,
WHICH STOOI
HERE
II II S SSJSSSSSSSSSSSSW I -i
CAiE GF Ul laJtT bbs ss. stV LillfklA&vl
PEsiSOM VMCULO HAVE rEN THIS BREAD !
s r NOMf-WC Mann .1 1
L i .... 1 I I f--A- - f
J JOE BcnctA VYOiiin V C PEhsom vmculo Have taem TMi afParT
I V. "- wwtfeo THEM II
r. , 1 FlRfcT THts
I i V nusciaa I
' '
... n. nui w I 1 1U i-,, j
Tome utrsn . wmcSSTiT
THA ALL Nli OTHEA.
K... ...
we LL NAUE
(tANTXAOT SAS eetJ DlSHlNol
I UlU Iihi sa . . .
r a.; .rr
t;su rr ms taste,
iflHE ABt Of WITH Me I
a ' n
The Suppliant
j
II. E. I'ORTKR.
Said Billy T. to nilly ., for so mrn th report,
"I say, old chap, In 1012, I'll sure ned your support.
You have. It seems, Just ninety votes, within the 0. O. P.,
flo be a sport and come serosa with All of them for me.
"I need 'em. Bill, believe me, 1 need 'em bad to win
That 'nomination thing next year; to fall would bo a sin:
I'll do most anything you say and net moat any part.
If you will only como across and show you have a heart.
"It ain't as though I haven't tried to please tho bunch, you know,
I've traveled urapty. thousand miles and spent 'bout all Vny dough.
I've stuffed at a thousand banquets and dinners quite a few.
And yet somehow or other they have got me in a stew.
CI
tr'
"On both sides of every question, In talks from sea to sea,
I've declared tor everybody who might declare for me;
But somehow they didn't like It, and now they've got my gout,
So for heaven's sake, dear Billy, give me that New- York vote."
Said.,UHIy B. to Billy T Vl've got-cher, Bill, O. K ,
But, If you want this New York vote there's one thing I must say,
You've got to can this hot-air Btuff, this Rooseveltian bunk
That sounds like blood and thunder, but Is nothing less than punk.
"No T. R. stunts, nd grandstand plays, can got support of mine,
'My Policies' must be cut out if you would be in line."
And then Bill B. leaned back, and amlled,1 the room was very still)
As Bill T. groaned and heaved a sigh, and meekly said, "I will," :
r
' Dinkelspiel on Greatness
My GKOItOK V. HOB ART.
Und I sot to Hplcgel: "Veil, Max, I vas
dlsnuaslonlng mlt some friends Isst night
should dls fever vlch broke ould In dcr
newspapers lately aboud who Is der
tventy greatest men vlch der vorld has
known, alretty. You haf Ideas on suoh
supi'heck jrhapa, Max yes?"
"Hure!" sot Hplegel. '
Und I net to Hplegel; "of oourse you
haf. Max, und you vltl keep dm, like
you keep eferydlng else. J vas talking
mlt Oscsr Bauerschmldt snd Rudolph
Kats aboult It. Oscar set dot Ooetha und
Schiller vas a cubble of der tventy, be
cause poetry vas vurt of der luxuries of
life und Woe the und Schiller splashed
ould so much poetry dot afen der poor
cojld haf dls luxury, fludolph set dot
Hlsmnrck should be abo jld eight of . der
tventy, because he made var so success
fully dot lie made peace a necessity."
"Sure!" set tplegl.
t'nd I set to Ppleg?l: "Den Oscar
moved to Inclusion Itlchard Vagner in der
list, because mooslc hath cherms to sood
dor aavago's breast, vlch vas accepted.
Ien I coaxed dem both down to def
steamboat und ve came across to Amer
ica, vara I picked ould Tom Udlson, be
cause any brain dot lias room In It for
an Incandescent lamp und a aet of oon
crete furniture Is a big vun. Oscsr picked
ould drr Wright brothers, because vile
an airship doan'd alvays go vara It la
pointed still it la goot eggserclse for der
neck. Ve vas rust mentioning der names
of. many udder famousers van Ikey
KnsenthaJ, der pawnbroker, added him
self to der parry. I vent ofer der matter
mlt Ikey und asked him for his choice.
ikey t ought a vile und don he aet: -Veil,
dem ,s all great tneus, but dare vas vun
fellow greater. I doan'd know , bis name,
but whoever der guy vas dot Inventloned
compound Interest he gets my wote,
!"
"Burc:" set BplegoL i '
. . l. UlNICtXSPIEU'
. . Strwrk It Ulrh,
The Ingenious and witty novelist, O.
Henry, Invented a use for the oockleburr,
previously supposed to be the one useless
thing In the world. ln,hlu "Cabbages and
Kings" a merchant, "stuck" with a cargo
of uhoes, unsalable In tropical America,
made a fortune by sending to Texas fo
another cargo of cuckleburrs and scatter
ing them In tho paths frequented by bars
footed natives. llutMt seems that now
this most despised and objectionable form
of vegetation lias been turned to a man
legitimate use. Bix months ago T E.
Cotton was working for ft a day on a
farm In Kansas, when he happuned to
think of a ret ipe for hog cholera left him
by his dying stepfather, Uo thought
nothing of it at the time, but when tlx
hog cholera lately broke out again i:
Kansas, lie bethought himtelf of the
recipe. In which cockleburr extract playi
an Importajit part. He tried It on his
brother's hogs and saved them, and the
Kansas City Journal reports that ho has
a force of men out hunting for cockle-
burrs, and is taking In $10 a day. Spring
field Republican.
The fellow who Is always borrowing out
money Is alniOKt as great a nuisance a,
the fellow who never has any to lend us..
f
Ballads of Broadway Bill
The l.oneaoinrst I-ady
' y DAMON RUNYAX. "2
''I saw her last night on Broadway, the lonesomest ludy in town;
Gliding along In her motor, with the footmen fore and aft; '
Furred and Jeweled was the lady, a year's rent draped In her gown
But the lonesomest lady in all New York," said Broadway Bill, as lie '
laughed.
a
"For I've seen her before on Broadway; one night of a wintry rain
She stood In front of the window of a ten-cent notion store,
That blazed with toys and tinsel; her nose was flat on the pane
But she buys no toys at Christmas for she's nothing to buy them for!" :
"Her husbund Is worth ten millions; she's welcome to every dime;
Hhe's living in regal splendor, and i strong on the soc al graft.
There's hardly a thing that she couldn't buy save toys at Christmas time
The loueaonieHt lady in all this town," said Broadway Mil, as he laughed. 1
