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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 28, 1911)
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IN. 1!U1. , ,
"US BOYS"--You Can't Beat Shrimp Flynn
By Tom McNamara
Meglstercil V nllnl Slates l'utrul of flic
Gee, INISM I COOLD CfeT
JOtt UKE StONNY
AW GAWAAJ,WHAr CHER.TfCflAl';
TERDO. KID ME WITH. THAT
fUfERtlP, iTWH tSOONI fig AVoThEH. YFM? Till cmisTm
WND5 Or MONEY
VNE TT?IEDTT SAVit?
ENOUGH COIN TO
&UY. OURSELVES rVvWIR
Your, dime for.
PRESENT'S FOR. ALL
OCR FRIEND& AND
OF- SHOES Bljr
a HERE HE COMES luFlin Ptli AlrttTflTI l . ' , ,ll
n NOW.,. HC THINKS 5KIAJMY SMRlMP I'M 1 VWl,wHfM vHtiiNyi
NOBODY KNOW??!?. I HSwk Jl SANTA CLAUs TERDO. KlOME WITH THAT JA
S KtRlCk&f , -7IS I MAKE? UP? , ' Cc1
&s?.rfs . ,. . . .
J - m ,t v A u. jiv
f you can't Fool no body that way ?
I KNOWE D YoLl YPrt:frrAv J
1'repared by EDWIN 3LAKKIIAM
volume, "aoorge Bernard Shaw; His
IJfo and Works," In at last completed
and published. It Is a work of high valuu,
revealing all the whim and seriousness of
the great dramatist. In the extract that
followH we get Shaw's own words as to
what Is our real business on earth. Prof.
"I once asked Mr. Shaw what answer he
had tn make to the statement that he was
h bloodless, passionless. Intellectual ma
chine.. Ills answer made upon me a more
profound Jmpresnlon than anything else
that has ever occurred In my association
with him. .;
"Look liere.' lie reulieilr 'real feelinj
Is the moet difficult thing In the world
to recognize. Two men are walking
down a crowded street gating at the vast
throng of people as they hurry along
with a thousand different alms.
" 'To one the spectacle signifies nothing
more than the ordinary metropolitan as
pect of lh gTmit city of the world.
The other sees In the spectacle a company
of men. and angels ascending and de
scending an endless ladder, which reaches
from earth to heaven.
f 'The one passes a Bturving child
whose face Is pinched with the cold; he
shudders 'with discomfort, draws- Ma
greatcoat tighter around him, and, after
giving the clrlid a penny, passes' rn;
thanking Clod that he Is not as other men.
The other man regards the little waif
with Infinite compassion, his heart goes
out lu piofoundeat sympathy, and his
whole being protests against the social
system which makes Buch things pos
sible. And he devotes his life, not In
giving pennies to Individual sufferers, but
to exposing conditions which produce
such horrors and to agitating for such
reforms as will mitigate these horrors
and eventually render them Impossible.''
"Shaw's fundamental socialism prompts
him to batter down the social barriers
which Bet off the aristocrats - from the
common people these barriers which re
sult in the aristocracy feeding upon Its
own vitality, breeding and ln-hreedlng,
until the sexual product is hopelessly
anaemic and degenerate.
"Stronger, better, saner men and wo
men, Shaw believes, would be bred
Dayt-cy Mayme Apploton's extensive
research into ancient Egyptian archives;
her dive Into what was hitherto an im
penetrable mystery of the occult and from
which she emerged bearing the truth in
her hands; her knowledge of the great
human heart, gained from the study of
medical records and joke books, have
made her an authority on what to give
at Christmas that Is unquestioned among
ail the weary, distressed women who are
confronted at this merry season with a
wilderness of stocking's yawning to be
With her great heart aching for her
sisters Who are walking, daaed and be
wlldtred. through department store,
with a long list of names of friends In
one hand, and au empty purs in the
other,, she submits this suggestion:
"For many years past women's maga
zines Id so-called 'Helpful Hint,1 have
told of pretty dainty bags that cou'.d be
made of almost nothing, and which every
woman should have.
"They related how a woman with a
waste piece of cretonne found In her
work bag and a pteoa of ribbon stolen
froTi around tha cat's neck could make
a bag for bat? combings that would look
aa If it cost $17. Or. perhaps, they sug.
Kcated a bag for soiled collars, a bag
for handkerchiefs, a bag (or opera glasses,
a has fur fancy work, a bag for baby's
feet, a batf to keep the teapot warm, a
bag for rubbers, or a bag for shoes,
"Wlta this waste plocs of cretntras
found In ths work basket and the ribbon
stolen from the cat's nack. a twg could
be soa4 that suited any parson In saiy
station of life, and the great demand In
lire, 'Helpful Hints,' always added, was
bags, bags, bags.
. "Every wotnta'i life was) a desert
waste, and a ba was tks Mjy oasis:
Kvciy woman needed more bags t light
her patch, and while the soggvtjoa was
mean, la a kindly spirit, regret to say
that ls effect was cinilutis.
"All over Um ootrairy woman for fir
years pest fca-e totn rlrlr.g other women
i i . , i
Tells His Deepest
Life and Marriage
.-through the lntcrmarrlaee
nd the navvy; he strongly advocates the
experiment, not simply for the sake of
breaking1 down the social barriers, but
primarily for the cause of the ultimate
betterment of the race,
"It la Shaw's chief distinction that, for
the sake of sentiment, he would denv
sentiment. 'I verily believe.' a distin
guished author once remarked to me,
'that Mr. Shaw lives in mortal terror of
the public for fear that it will discover
his great secret the possession of a warm
heart.' His reaction Is not against the
sentiment which clvlo virtue and personal
Integrity bespeak, but against the popular
clap-trap, romanticised notion of senti
ment which to the unllluminate goes by
the nam of sentimentality.
"Bernard Bhaw is a man cf tremendous
sentiment social and humanitarian senti
ment. Soclologlo thought and social serv
ice are the ruling jnoral passions of his
"The final Ideal for civlo life.' he
aaid tn a public addres not Ion ago,
m xnmi very man and every woman
should set before themselves this goal
that by the labor of a lifetime they shall
ray the debt of their rearing and their
education, and also contribute sufficient
for a handsome maintenance during their
old age. And mora than that, why should
rtot a man say, "When I die my country
shalj be in my debt?" Any man who has
any religious belief will have the dream
that it is not only possible to die with
his country In Ills debt, but with God in
his debt also.'
"The germ of Shaw's philosophy of life
belongs to the whole community and
may be found In these words:
"'I tin of the opinion that my life be
longs to the wholo community and
long as I live It Is my privilege to do
for it whatsoever I cau.
" 'I want to be thoroughly used up when
I die, for the harder I work tho more I
live. I rejoice In life for Its own sake.
Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a
sort of splealld torch, which I have
got hold of for the moment, and I want
to make It burn as brightly as possible
before handing It on to future genera
and Her Folks
bats, and there ian't a woman living who
hasn't a rlbbon-tled bag for everything
In the house, from a bug for her wash
board to a bug fcr her copy of Ibsen.
S!ie has so many she doesn't know what
to do with them, and because of this
glut of bags, this bag-swamped condition,
I make the following suggestion for a
"Make a bag for your friends large
enough to hold all the bags received in
previous years. If made of an old sheet
it will cost nothing and will bring com
fort and peace to the woman whose
house Is filled with bags her bag-craied
friends have given her.
"The woman who has fancy bas hang
ing on every door, bags concealed in
every trunk and drawer, bags overflow
ing from the closets Into every room in
the house, bags hanging on every bed
post; bags. bags, bags; so many bags
that her bag-weighted brain has been
every bag and she has been guilty of us
ing the bag given her to hold prunes
for holding ber marcel wave, will experi
ence a peace and satisfaction she hain't
flt In years when she can stuff all
these little bags Into one big bag and go
off and forget them.
"Henoe my suggestion to my wild
eyed sisters with long Christmas lists to
fill: Make for every distracted friend
a bag of an old sheet"
They laugh that win
Speech is a mirror of the man.
Condemn tbs fault and not tha actor
Striving to better, oft ws mar what's
Men's evil manners live tn bra-
virtue thsy writs In water.
e are all greater dupes of our own
weakness than to tha skill of others.
How bitter a thing la to look Into happi
ness thru ugh another man's eyes.
BAaaa!, you went and
JroiLfcU MY JOB. A MANi
fcowfiTr r.iuc ucycai
.vztrMrs FOR OOIN6 XHlS
"All Under the
"One half the
if SOBS OF A KEY WINDER
"You don't remember, I reckon," said
the sour-faced mau putting his arms on
the showcase, "that I bought a clock of
you twenty-flve years ago?"
"I certainly do not." answered the
elderly Jeweler, "but I'll take jour word
for It If you say you did."
"Well, I did. It was twenty-five years
ago last Monday."
"It's a pretty good clock, then, isn't it."
"Oh. yes; tha clock's all right. But
l'v found out something about It that
jou didn't tell xua."
mm i m -mmmm
m tis will, mi m ami r
1 It i mix rimv- m
i u-srvi wxjOihl m nA.i i i wipi
I II A' II I "yj.l;BKU ' I 'WJLSi'ri IT, '
AAJ THAT- ALL R6MItWlNkiY "Vim"
CRY YOURJCSS ALL RICHT", I LL HELP1
Copyright. 1911, National News Assoc latlo n.
world never knows how tho other
"Ye. When I bought It I asked you
how often 1 d lave to wind It. You all
onoe a Week."
"Well, I've Just found out that It'll go
eight days without winding."
"Certainly. Mont clocks are eight-day
clocks. That's to allow for your forget
ting to wind It sometimes."
"I never forgot to wind It, sir, lteg
ularly every Monday morning for twenty
five years 1'vs wound that clook. That
makes fifty-two times a year. If I had
known It would go elicht days I would
have wound it up on ths eighth day, and
I would have had to wind It only forty
sU times a j ear. it ta&ca nie two inln-
ask you iwTl V4. eftL, , 7 vv-a
Pufjji 'lvS ' l;" "v ais HARD ro oo i
p" rEK '
SHRIMP S CERTAINLY XINDTO
Uti-s to wind it up. I've wasted twelve
minutes every jw on the thing. Hee?
: In twenty-five yeais I've put in SOU
minutes, or five hours, tho tiaif of a
man s working day, staudlng on a chair
winding up that blamed old clock when It
didn't need winding!"
"Well," fculd the stupefied jeweler,
"what do you want me to do about It?"
"Nothing, sir. I only wanted you to
know It that's till. When you ! an
elxht-ilay clock to a man you ought to
tell him It's an UU-day clock. Oood
Htralghtenlng himself up and pulling U s
ht brim down in front, he turned on his
heel and stalked out of the shop with the
air of a man with a grievance who had
freed Lis Dilnd Brooklyn Eale.
The Art of
Hy IxmOTHV DIX.
The third signboard on the roud to
popularity Is marked Tart, and only thotte
who follow tha pointing finger on It may
hope to ever arrive at tho goal of their
All of us have
our personnl pre
serves hedged about
with placards that
read "Keep Off the
Urajss," and our
fellow creatures Ig
nore these at their
peril. It is posslblo
to forgive au enemy
does us an Injury,
but nobody has
grace enough to for
give a friend who
wounds his tender-
through sheer blun
Of course. the
tactless claim that
an Instinct for do
ing and saying the right thing at the
right time comes by nature, as Dogberry
thought a knowledge of reading and writ
ing did. Perhaps tn its finest form taut
Is genius, but anybody who will take ths
trjillilo.can acquire a reasonable working
capital of It; that will bo enough to In
sure the liking of all of those with whom
they are thrown In contact.
As a matter of fact, there Is no excuse
for anyone, who Is not a congonltlve Idiot,
or afflicted with paresis, not being tact
ful, for tn its last analysis tact Is noth
ing but taking thought of what will- be
pleasing to the party of the second part
What apology, for Instance, ran the bull
In tho conversational china shop offer,
even to himself, for asking a woman
whoso son Is a bank defaulter and In a
penitentiary, where her boy Is? He will
suy that ho didn't think, but it was bis
business to think. I'eople who are Incap
able of coherent thought should be locked
up In padded cells, and not bo permitted
to ravage society.
This is scarcely an extreme Illustra
tion. AU ot us know people who have a
fatal facility for putting their clumsy
fingers right on the sore spots In our
hearts. If there Is anything unpleasant
or disgraceful In your family life you can
count upon their making It the subject
of their conversation. If there Is a secret
sorrow, so terrible to look upon that you
only open your closet In the darkness of
tho night to gaaa upon it, they are dead
sure to ruthlessly drag it out in the first
crowd in which you happen to. meet.
If you are trying to blind yourself to
husband's unfaithfulness they feel It
their duty to come and tell you that they
saw him out with a peroxide blonde who
looked young enough to ba his own
daughter. . If you have a child whose
affliction you deny even to yourself, they
ask you If you don't think that little
Johnnie Is very slow learning to talk, or
of you've cvet suspected that little Wary
has curvature of the spine. If you are
struggling tn kutp up appearances and
make one dollar look like five, they com
pliment you on how cleverly you have dls-
gulsed your year-before-last hat and
Vi - V--. v.
Little Bobbie's Pa
My WILLIAM K. KI11K.
I think Missus Cully rites a butlful
letter, red Ma. IJacn to this letter that
she roto to her husband:
Iieerest Tom I am setting on a settee
In Sullivan County thinking of you, deer
est, & next check day. 1 luv you moar
& moar each passing hour. I often think
you Ik. ine must havo been sweethearts In
sum preevius exlstens. I'leai-b send me
fifty mour dollars, everything Is awful
high up here. You grate big butlful doll,
you giste big butlful dull, 1 adore you.
I wish you cud make It seventy-five lu
sted of fifty. I was reeding u thing of
Hulxaek's last nlte about how butlful a
woman's devushun can be, but I think
MNier lialxuck newer had the faintest
Idee about reel devosliun. I wish you
cud make It a hundied dollars. You know,
deerest, that I newer cared unythlng for
mutiny. Yuie luvlng wife, KTI1KL.
Well, sed I'a, that reeda prltty well
for a plain or barnyard variety of a
touch, but how does It happen that the
letter Is In yure poseshun? There Is sum
thing wlcli is left to be explained, tied
1'. If Missus Cully & lis received it, sed
I'a, where in the dickens do you git off
toting it around? Woman, sad Pa, vary
foerce woman, how calm that letter Into
yure poseshun. Aggenn 1 ask you,
woman, sed Pa.
Tou may ask as many times as )ou
like, Aleve, sed Ma, & then you won't
hlUdeu the Worn spot in tho rug Under
It's no use In telling yourself that thesa
people are not malicious, and that they
did not deliberately stab you In the most
vital point on purpose.. It's no use la
trying to convince yourself that they aro
really welj meaning, kind-hearted, dull
blunderers, who, as the Irishman says,
never open their mouths without putting
their feet Into them.
It cannot possibly make any difference,
to a corpse whether It was shot by acci
dent or design. Nor does It make any
difference to our wounded and lacerated
feelings whether they have been ground
to a pulp by a fool or a villain.
t'nlesa a man or woman has enough In.
telllaence to know what tn talk about ha
or she has no right to Intrude In civilised
society and Inflict himself or herself upon
Innocent and defenseless people. Common
gossip keeps all of us reasonably well In
formed about the private affairs of our
neighbors, and if we wish to associate
with them It Is our duty to bear, tn mind
what subjects are taboo to thorn anil
what topics are pleasing.
This Is the most elemental form of
tact, and yet It Is amasing how few pao
pie have -even acquired tho first principle
of this kindergarten diplomacy.
If we would be liked we must also use
tact In dosing with our friends' opinions
and prejudices. Heaven alone knowa
why lomo people can't be satisfied to
have their own roliglon and politics and
tastes, without being perfectly Insult
ing to everybody who differs from them.
Nevertheless such Is the case and thero .
Is nobody that Is more cordially hated
than the man or woman who feels called,' 1
upon to sneer at our religion and Uorlda
our views and sniff at the things we like:
Perhaps tho greatest obstacle to the use '
of tact Is that many people consider it
witty to say sharp, cutting things that'
put other people In the wrong, or make
them look foolish. To make a bon mot
they would alienate a friend, and to ralsa
a laugh they would wound tho most ln
offensive person In the world.
Such people delight in being thought .
original, and unconventional, and pe
culiar. They always tuks the opposite
sldo uf every subject under discussion,'
and never fall to point out to anyone
who has made a mistake where he blund
ered. They are a wet blanket on every"'
festive occasion, and keep a hostess on
pins and needles because she Is perfectly
sura they are going to strike some dls.
cords nt note In tvery breast.
These peo."'j are liotduct1eas otluretigh
Ignorance, but with malice aforethought.'
They deliberately set everybody by tho
ears, and they wonder why they are not
liked, why everyone avoids them, and
why they are only asked about under
Acquire tact If you wish to be popular,
for though you have all othor vlrtuea
and luivo not fklll enough to keep off of
your fellow creatures' toes, you aro be.
coino as sounding bruss and tinkling
get any satisfaction.
It lent satisfaction I want, sed I'a,
It I facks. How did that letter cum for
ot be Into yure poseshun?
Husband, sed Ma, I nm sitting alck k
tired of yure iiisinuashuus. As I havo
often toald you beefoar, sed lla, all ot
my fremls edvUcd mo that 1 was going
to tie up with a iiiun wlch had one tl)
fool In a sport's gralv so far that his
Oxford shoe on the right foot was about
all that rccmulned for to be saw. He.
sides, sed Ma, patting Pa on the cheek
with tho hand thut she dldent use for to
pick up the stove lifter, lieesldes, deer,
est. sed Ma. you havo got Into a vary
easy way of living, like a bear. Ma sed,
or like a toad.
Well, sed I'a, if that is the way you
feel you can go plumb to the Next
County. As for me, sed Pa. I am golns
to the wilds of Far Off Alaska, Mitt ma
at oust, Mike. Then I felt kind of sorry
for the gurl, but she will git oaver it.
Never Too Old.
Blchnrdson was 50 when he published
his first novel, "Pamela.
At 70 years of age Michael Angelo said,
"I am still learning."
Milton In his blindness, when cast &i
completed "Paradise Lost."
Benjamin West was M when he com.
menced his series of paintings, one of
which Is "Christ Healing the Blck.
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