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SILK HAT HARRY'S DIVORCE SUIT
The Judge Has an Awful Memory
By Tad
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f "Souvenirs" , Please, Mr. Cop, Be Easy on Him :-: By Tad f"" "ikoke"
" -J I - - . .. . I 1 V -
I JT 1 I M I
By JAMES W. McGEE.
Tbe mania for souvenirs grows day by day,
Like the spread of a big prairie fire,
Till th souvenir hunter will now walk away
With whatever he's apt to admire.
By he I don't mean that the men do it all,
For the ladles take theirs without fear;
They simply explain when they're stripped of a haul,
"Why. It's only a slight souvenir."
W "SSL 4&
Caw-
They can show you a spoon from a Faris cafe,
With a clock from a London hotel;
From Berlin Just a trifle, a small silver tray.
And from Athens a quaint Grecian bell.
They have tokens from every place under the sun,
' Which they're adding to year after year.
And each article down, from a clock to a gun,
1 Bears the magical name, "Souvenir."
When a man breaks his neck in an aeroplane fall,
The crowd that runs out on the field
Doesn't run to assist, send an ambulance call,
Or to know if to treatment he'll yield;
They are after a piece of the poor fellow's craft,
- Just a wing or part of tbe gear;
And they'll proudly exhibit their ill-gotten graft
When they tack on the name "souvenir."
When a big foreign warship drops in for a call,
And a crowd clambers madly on board,
In the warship itself they've no Interest at all,
Tho' they have in the admiral's sword.
If a big ten-inch gun could be hoisted ashore
When no bluejacket sentries were near,
It is safe to assume there'd be quite an uproar
Over who owned the big "souvenir."
A Honeymooner's Question II
In the delirium of their honeymoon He
and She vowed to keep no secrets from
each ethar.
"I will show you every letter I set,"
id She, od I will let you read every
letter sent to me," said lie.
It started oft beautifully, of course, for
they were still delirious, and he, poor
man, did not know all that the reading'
of a woman's correspondence entailed.
But he knows now, and his brain begins
to throb In painful anticipation every
time be bears the postman's whistle.
The letters she receives are-from her
friends and kin, and are all written by
women. True to- her promise she lays
them out before him every evening, and
for two hour be Is reading straight
orosa and then criss-cross, Jumping from
the first page to the third, and doing a
punle in finding out what page to Jump
to next. He Is reading that Aunt Susan
lias papered her parlor In green, and
mother would like the enclosed sample of
linen matched, If possible, and If not a
ugnier ansae win ao, ana cousin ivaie
want the enclosed sample of hair
matched, and are they wearing puffs and
do they sell by the pound or the yard,
and Llllle Smith has a new beau, what
do you think of that, and the Widow
Barnes was out riding with a man one
evening last week, and her husband not
yet cold, and this writer dlJn't have good
luck with her bread last week, and that
writer Is making peach preserves, and
another writer hopes she tan't letting her
husband Impose on her the way all brides
do, and how does she make mustard
pickles T
"Here," cays she, when he has settled
down to an evening with, his paper, "Is a
letter from mother you haven't read," and
when ha opens It he Is seiaed with such
a feeling of deprtsilon he wonders If he
Is coming down with a fever, but after
he has dutifully read the letter she hands
him another from her grandmother and
he decides It is a chill.
There are letters from women friends
to be read at breakfant. letters from her
mother and sister at luncheon, and all
her cousins and aunts are represented in
the mall at dinner, till he thinks he Is
going to die every time he sees an en
velope. If be hesitates,' "You are not Interested
in. my letters," she pouts, "and I am so
Interested In yours;" and. though she
never reads anything of interest in his
mail, she Is always sure, th&t some d
there will be, and her hope never flags,
and he is growing gaunt and pale,
haunted In every waking hour of some
thing the postman has brought telling
news of a neighbor's new cow, or that
some one Is trying to be young by re
touching her hair.
If he Intercepts the postman and de
stroys letters directed to his wife, he will
be guilty of violation of the government's
postal laws; and if he refuses to
read them, he will be a brute, and so he
has laid before Lysander John Appleton,
kin commissioner general of the United
Btates, the following question:
For how long a period after marriage
is a man expected to keep the promises
made in the delirium of the honeymoon?
r
Piute Pete
J
By MILKS OVEIUIOLT.
"One of the Institutions that are creep
ing over our fair land like a Woyer
haeUBer Timber trust and rubLing the
life blood of our fairer men like a prohibi
tion town on the Fourth of July U the
female barber shop.'" said l'lute Pete, re
flectively. "Where, I ask you In an argumentative
tone of voice, does the bald head.nl man
spend hia leisure moments? Where doe.s
b empty his pocketbook at every oppor
tunity? Is It at the bargain counter with
his wife? It Is not.
"He Is getting a eWave. He Is having a
blonde person push tho back of a raor
over the place where she- shoved him a
few hours previous. That's where the
bald-headed old chap Is.
"The other day, just for the nako of
irgument, or something on that order, I
sent into a lady barber shop for the pur.
poee of getting a shave. A shave was
all I wanted, but owing to the Inclemency
of the weather and seltmlc disturbances
I took a few other things. I got a hair
cut, three singes, two shampoos, eight
massages, nine warts removed, three neck
shaves and seventy-six nails manicured.
I was In the shop thirteen hours, nine
minutes, twenty-nine seconds and seventy-eight
degrees.
"It seems to me that thera ought to be
a law pas.ied preventing a yellow-haired
female from tickling a man under the
chin and monkeying with his features
until he Just naturally cries because he
doesn't draw a salary large enough to
permit him to have a regular barber
around with him all the time. It's going
to bust up our fair laud, I'm afraid."
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Wy CIIK8TEH FIRKIXS.
Back to the days whan we eat lo the gallery,
(Jotting the thrill out of any old how
Hark to the daya before Satan and salary
Taught ua to worry and taught ua to blow;
li.uk to the times before foolish autonomy
Let ua be squanderers till we awoke
Ho I but It's good to return to economy!
Ho! but It's jolly again to be broke!
- ffStf
"Wasn't Great-Grandmother Funny?" By Nell Brinkley
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Memories bright, when a dime gave delirious
Joy for the breadth of a bounteous day;
Time when your first dollar filled you with serious
Qualms as to how you could do it away.
Now It's your last dollar, guarded aa zealously,
looking as big as the first one (no joke).
Ah, let us rherlah as well and as jealously
Theso happy days when we're wealthy, though broke!
f?M' ' fca
Year upon year, in the rush of the furious
Orlnd of our toil and the things we thought fun,
Pockets well lined with the very near spurious
Stuff that's called power, spondullcs or "mon,"
We've not bad time to remember the miracle
That could be wrought with a nickel's strong stroke.
There" that's enough of this sweetness satirical
Kdltor, please pay me quick I am broke.
v
War Time Fashion Revived in the Scarf
J
Just as a child eyes in awed amusement tbe jprl-picture of her great grandame and chirps
"Wasn't she funny?" just so will a little kid in the 2,000-and-something turn over tho leaves of
her mother's album to this dashing little picture of you, girl of now, and say, "Wasn't great
grandmother old-fashioned and funny?" .
Ni;V YOHK. Oct. 25.-Junt walking
through the sliopB Is a fascinating occupa
tion thaso bright (all days. Tbe clour
skies and bracing air make you feel alive
to your finger tips and braced up to a
keen enjoyment of everything around
you. And the riot of color In the silks
and chiffons, tho g:iy embroideries- and
gold laces, the bemled fringes and the
many handsome toilette accessories, ap
peal to our awukened senses as never
before. We may have seen Just such
pretty things at other times, but we
cannot believe we have. We linger over
them to gratify our artistic taste, for
rtlvtlo they are In tho real meaning of
that word. New undernlandlrfg of color
combination und modern discoveries In
the dyers' are give us in theso days
soft and richly tinted fabrics besides
which tbo colors worn a generation ago
suem glaring and crude. Us the au
tumn leaves, the beautiful materials are
a least to tne eye, ana we siecp our
senses without surfeit In the gorgeous
display.
Firm to attract attention are the won
derful hand bugs, that lndiispenHable fea
ture of tho modern woman's appurel. Clay
with embroidery and heavy with gold,
they sound the keynuto of the season's
fancy for tho orb-nlal. Many of these
bags are made up of heavy silks com
pletely covered with niundurlns, pagudas
and other emblems of far Cathay, done
In th;it wonderful embroidery which only
tho deft fingers of the Clilneso or Jap
anese worker can produce. With the
decoration on the coat to match, these
baxs are seen at tha theater and at
afternoon and evening entertainments of
all kinds wheru a dressy wrap Is ap
propriate. For, be It understood, the bug i
must now conform to the custom and
match boniethiiiK. Hither the coat and
ha;; must be mates, or the bag and the
lire, or the, hat, gloves, shoes and bag
must urtito in a wlinna of harmony as
ui i-eHsories to the suit. No woman who
know j what li hut will now carry a
tan leather tag, for Instance, unless
Mioes and gloves also partake of the
lamo riiHMet hue. lilark velvet bags In
odil Fl.npcs, and with long cord and
tus(-K match the velvet cloak. Many
women take portions ttt their suiting
material and have tho manufacturer
make u ba: for them to carry with that
Kult. Note, too, thfct the late bags have
very long cords or straps which go over
the shoulder, and the bag hangs at (he
side just below the hlr. These look very
Jaunty, especially on young girls.
Next to the bags come tlia laces, and
here the heart of women melts for what
normal feminine mind ran resist the ap
peal of lace? This is truly a lace year.
I r easel are embellished with the dainty
stuffs, coats arc worn with lace collars,
while the handsomest hats have either
crown or brim made of It. One of the
beautiful huts at tha recent openings was
made entirely of duchesse and rose point
lace, the rolling brim bordered with black
velvet, and tha solo decuration a, sweep-'
Ing black plume. Lace yokes, lace alc,
lace sleeves all appear on the smart
dresses.
Tha us of lace for yoke and sleeves
Is well exemplified In the illustration. W
fine quality of baby Irish allover lace Is
best adapted to this design, which may
be made of dark blue or brown satin.
Tha long straight panel In front shuns
the survival of the liking for tha princess
gown, which U further hinted In the seml
prlncess arrangement of the rest of the
waist and skirt. A
