Tl The "'ee'g jne jagazire f)a TheBSJumor Birthday Book f ... Told by the Troubled Tourist THK T.KK: uM.MLV. W KIXrlAY. AtMl'ST .".'. l!ll. ge 4 JuT sn "Another bHi i!(ktrmi put t tVght , br that dricv? weapr. ne t;tnrel:." remarked tfce Troubled TTortt. "Aa uw- j l.r: .. jrx2 kco-o., u a dar.STous wear: j M t. r.v4 ot r-i arid, of eourw. j it i w-rriAB who pat toe Mtr to 1-ai KifviirfMa have en te be thai usaa aowaUjs taat the mr sight of Mn u:sbr;:.a ir. l ha-d t-f a desperate ' JiiXfl trn-tn ,mi1c. best . iio .1-4P reel sor-.al ant Ufrmry r tt.iu'i''i -on hare a drte on the r Jvk;: 'RrtKe.'. That Ibe umbr I a tatii;r than th hairrm ' AfP. Dare rtimr. the lTnarnite Xtavive-Thr.n.p. the Thug. ( "I .once ha.-d of a l-eie min that hW J up Kliy!.n with a. r.ki plated; morJtey -reach. bJl tl highwayman was; I MBRFJ-U rRiI.I- Ati- n:jr f -!ir.. end s'ai of an-' fxw to bark out. A rof.tr pin Dr-ea ' whak with as umbrella or Uw Jan or a neat, nr g iudjr. weapon, too. for hocso- I hatpin. hoU r:e in ease of Hit thSeve or day- j "A fviied umbrella rat is now an time burg -an. but It doewi't oft- nar indispensable part of t equlptuect of the advantages that a perf-Oy n-od a- every omo ' cl-ib. Hirtwarrnen. to bre'la d.-e It w.wld b a Wta In- ' meet this alarming situation. are devtsns; stad f fxS."C armir.J with f-i's tn frr.c- ifw.! plays to make tie eeruoa less lag Je"r for Vorren t f-ri a few ura-1 terrible. bce'la c' now titat ther have found it 1 "A few of tb rui 0 the HtrtiiB'i aying out desperate eharec-j dab rsrdjr.g umbroita attacaLa. 10.10W: woman ! .WkkhkiM tarBafnwM aaMlara an lai-lv in' m A :..ut hand. with a few eon- f "Rti3e 1 Cm diox rrt r.M that a fcea rut In it fi.ieht alo help baa an urr.br lia. try to rnrwrt It. .:-.-,cn to the rah deprao i RuV 1 If aha rafuars to letvd it, affeT ; 1 will aoon be rarred thereoa I to raiao tt Itnla 1 If aha rata It first, b tb Brat tt. - r rf 111: : 1 r : 1 w.Kv- , ". : ''th ttrstr!'a iti-ltrT. too. to beat It. f,".: ' l.-.e '; womaa who ranquwhed a1 Obperraoea of tbeaa mj rule ha t.tr.wajtan,tar.d bira th-e? fa oet i ieaweod th mortality ajnocx tba Iad4a Ma automoti.e 'o and brcka threa or ' hod-up hxbta ree&UT. taouck tho liiafli for rSta thurrbre3la"a. the btirx'ar a ter tt r3J heary nuh to causa them to an that te at4rpered away daxe4 ad ; rlou;y er.tertain tk Idea cf a closed hurt. " H-fttlH'i are a atnetttvo that - asd wm umbri awaaoav" way. TV rwrni aeMom f rt over a j (Copyrtatit. OU. ty ttt 1. T. Heraid Co ) - tf 1 ."How Ariadne Made Algernon Happy T l. -r looked drearily oat war taa aoa. 1 tato U worid and osaka a -n, time to tin bo mht davly. ' -"V- 1 ItAr' ... - f that 1 akocVI bacoma aa ldl woma a aoa i.a on a the r" s.a--nr . BUhoat rr.t porpoM to f- peryieu-.y that had aed ber axprtaatoo lhtTt wMch 1 d-rpt9- " faded a ay and a look of atera rcoiTa, ot j "Tea. dear, ba anawercd. nwkinc tie tardy deter minal. 00. took Its p-ae- Flfca i aaH water oat of bia ear. ""Oo on. race up frrt the linle hollow In the aand ( "Bat since yoa cam out of your bmb djne in whlan at bad beao. reci!n:n kbd ; nxc houaa I bare sen that tbosw fears ere waid ber iMkraaol. SQBUsonincSy. toward , idle," ! remaned, "mad that there la ernoa I Kray, wno waa Bujwrung . reau cia worn mat pernapa oniy a woecaa J :m tke bltt waters of the sA. call- . of exceptiorI Ermaea of pnrpoa cduM abiie in commanaimr unm, ana o, accoapusn in ut posiuon u wnica yon r,r wttr m mdLaBt.smiia upon bis Upa ' have called ma. . Too bar offared aaa my rnaio toward her. . . .(opportunity, and I cannot torn my back hai ts la. Aridnr.h pasted aa ba upon tt-" t , . what aa toe aoot breenca pranked playfully ; a bat hiss suit. Algernon D Bray, sfaa abj:i him. 1 hastened on. wtn require tne moat too- 1 ha dectdad not to keep yon waiting 1 slant, onremittinc. nrduoua, and at ttmea lonicer for yoar anawer. Alarnon.' at diacour;!- iabor of a Uietiraa an lbs part nod, dreamily fax.r.- awny tram ids an-, of n doroted wlf to knock any kind of Klea.t'.Vou anay eaaember that Jast nlht j decent anxtoriai aeaae fata) .his so-called uw naked-ran to b. your-wife. It waa an; bead and an 1 bnT decided ba mtdsrtaka tha- t'ana "1 - ... I the reaponatbSfttBS ta wtuen yoa mat night 1 r -Tea, oareat. mnrmnred aofUy. How could I forget'!" , -An4 I I aaked' unt to cooatder," aha said, drawing ber uacklntnah snare dowely about ber. "Tas may riot knew It. poadbly. but I aa an'ambitloua womejB." Ai;mow. 1 hare tefafrtirougii Onaaar cotlece. and hnva taken ror!.ra4aata dea-rees In law. dvtca and pelloaophy. and my tunttation la gtnng two yonr answer was dne entirely the fwKr.f that whh yonr grent wealth my disponai aU tecentlve to work, to ge iarrUd And then and thereX wringing; wet aa he waa frera the waters of the wnswe, Alger' non Oo Bray reached ant has braced her- so tightty that of bia bnihtng mtX sept ev cntaract. "We snail be so happy:" he whapered honrsery in ber ear. - "I hope an. Algernesv abe raphad. alinply. "At bsnat we aftsil imee no opnst after we are mnrrteJ:" PaLadeiphln Pnbiie Ledcer. ; rO iwtr ni.s5 , J 1 ' ''ie, w I ? yt) Wwrmi-syi Tr&T co 1 rf " lit I I am(g "7co6r v-0 TLsai l"l "S xA z: Or .ftj 9 y j ;.. X r w -. t , : - s VAT PREft'ER. North Twenty-tbtrd anmnnwannn gn Znis & e Celebrate August 30, 1911. ame and ,dlnas. S-tmI. Vrar. Florence Andrews, SOIJ Marcy St ..Hifti 1S3 Roth Appleton. ZH South Sixteenth St .Castellar May Brwe-r. 1SJI North Twrtity-third St Kellora Howard BreLt'iEgrr. IS I S Spld!nr S: Howard K?cady. . Robrt Ree Brings. 1119 CasielUr St Bancrof- 1T Albert Crd. 2 Sherman Are Lake 1?9 Brue Ctch. J3T South Twenty-Uhth St 1 sc. Conception .... lii John Cram, 3014 Ames Atc Milared Cnlrer, 1142 Park Are Morris Chubbuck, 171 Cumin St Mamie Dtnllewkt, 4939 North Thlrty-iith St.. Paul FTpscbrT, JJJ Corby St Michael Godek. J57 South Thirty-first gt ; Eddie Haason. 4010 North Tweaty-eighth Ave Druid Hill Helen I. Harsh. JJ17 Dewey Ate Karcara .. . Mocmosth Park ..l""' I .Park 15 Ca 101 .High im .Howard Ker.nelr--101 . 1m. Conception. . . lr? 100 io; j Lesley Harper. Ziii Mandersoa St Druid Hill 1S0J iEliiabeth Hofmaan. 1723 South Nineteenth St St. Joseph 1533 Leon a B. Johnson, 4616 North Twenty-eighth Ave. .Saratogn 1901 Edna Jaccbcoa. 4124 North Twenty-eighth Are. Saratoga -- 1301 Burt Johnson. JSIO South Twentleth'St Vinton 19 Haael Jones, 1(30 North Twenty-second St ..Keikm 1?38 Hownrd Krmgskov. 318 North Twenty-fifth Ate KeHorc 1S97 Roaie Ko!k. 1407 South Fifteenth St .Comeoias 1905 llayo B. Kemp, 3S7C Binney St Howard Kennedy .. 1301 Oscar KaUeman, 35(0 Cuming St Webster l9g Kelvin KaUeman, S5C0 Cuming St Webster 190 4 Fraxk Laeg, 2018 Martha St St- Joseph 1904 Edward Wan roe. 3420 Seward St Edmund Mattson. 3330 Maple St.. Helen McGuire. lift North Eighteenth St Esther Newman. 4203 Dodge St ! Elisabeth Ortmaa. 2141 South Thirty-third St. (Elizabeth Pofahl. 2519 Parker St Long .. iFrnrJt Peter. 1439 Phelps St Forest . i Blanche M. Peterson, 4211 Lafayette Ave.., Walcut George L. Pope. 303S Farnam St Mason . j Ethel May Rex, 224 North Nineteenth St Central MUCreo tt. K&oaes, ip oienwooa Are rrannii .Franklin 1900 .Howard Kennedy. .199 . Kellom 1903 .Saunders .Windsor 1305 1$9S 19 Hill 1901 1S99 .189S 189? a wares. Alger' f m axmo and em.( . t the- dampna ; I o er ptt like a 1 1 Loretta's Looking Glass-She Holds it Up to a Possessive Case Scurvy Trick on Poor Pickpocket re moat iew-dewn trick erer played by one sMtr mna w another- vis nUyan aa m;'sad U nu who adnata he waa not j atwnj s so honeet a hs Sa now. "It was the, dtabo! invention of n man from whoso pocket -1 one, evening? extracted a roll of btlis A iona; wtth ha money which I did way-. V r secured " a letter which 1 did not ndrtit brf nnlcb I coaid not return to the gectiemaa a pocket without appnstnc hiaa ft my fwrmer meddlioc mtta his Cnnnctal affafrs: - - -tffceo 1 got o my own room I rend this letter.' 1 wbrd a nundred times after that 1 tin'L It was an appeal for aaeUtanco. Tlae writer was a woman. She waa living in a sroall IaTUna town. Apparently sac ti'j some claim on the man. She told blm ocVtc dfaih cf two member of her family. sickness of another, and of her own rjvt.t condition- 9oe nas destitute a4 she tagged iim to seed ber at once as mh money, as be ccild possibly spare. 1 dun t Bii Ufiij tr-; thAi Utter a onartul. imprrauoa oa me. I rend my cep 1 dreamed aaout it. I saw that of it eAcJ-wr mA4e i - poor, woman's tears, I pictured the dead and dying; chtldren. Alone toward morning I sal up on the edge ot the bed aad called myseif names. "leu beast, said T, -you miserable brute, you" ' si "But 1 woo t repeat aC ti hard Dames 4 fcandedVi i myself that mommg. They den t pound wea when you say them out loud. "By and by I counted tha aeoney again that the man and I had swapped the night before. There was Jest Mi fence the money was wrapped is the woman's fcftter I. had no doubt that bo had scraped It together to send to her. I eould not return the money to the mas, tor 1 didn't know wtero to fisd him, but my sense of humanity forcej me to do the neat best thing. -The woman's came and address were on the letter, and I resolved to forward it to ber. I was tard up, but I knew . t&at the woman's need was greater than mine, a.-td Mary E- Ransom. 3320 Lafayette' Are Franklin 1900 Carrel J. Rager. 3309 Camden Ave Monmouth Paxk..lS9 Zola Schtfer. 2737 Dave. port St Vebster 1904 Lewis Somberg. 2293 Howard 8t Mason Harry 3- Smith, 241 South Tenth St Hiram Thorn. 270 Soith Thirteenth St... Marcella Thomas. 2505 North Twenty-fourth St.. Mildred Tork. 223 North Ninteenth Are Ray Tharp. 1908 Sooth Fourth St ATilda Walsh, 3f01 South Nineteenth St... L. ETelyn Westgate. 4524 Charles St..... '. Ella Whitely, 3121 Charlea St Joseph Vernon Williams. 2717 South Fifteenth St. Virgil Harler William. 2717 South Fifteenth St.. Blanche Toting:, 270S Sou;h Thirteenth St .Bancroft 190 Edw. Roeewaier. ..1902 .Lake 1905 .High 19 .Train 1902 .Vinton 19 .Walnut Hill 1903 Franklin 1894 .Bancroft 1895 Bancroft 195 .Bancroft 1903 If j Congressman Lafferty's Courting Explained J The case a your own. Tou have gobbled . :njat upon repeated joumeya. Tom ksow ( gradui!v later. those nsso points of the law and set out to ! trat the others cannot ret a word la or worry and wee?. eonfiscale the other one. Tou propose to own the man.- Congressman A- W. Uafferty cf Oreon. a bachelor, havir.g been accased of wr-.tltg j letters to young women he did not anow, i tas sent the following interesting: expiacn- "The aceusatioa against me is that 1 bave a penchant for tTitsf to young gwla. That la a Ue. In three years I tm written to not more than three And 70a wonder ar-d Eah an ee-f'-ir;. e at the rraa tou are I aelf!shnes of rr.c. Tou reflect 00 how ' toute and too buy holding' dn to have tide Tour time tc him. You ur ih&z men never A good oeoi Is escuaed in. a girt In lore; j,lere:rt m you or your monopoly. , appreciate anrthisg- tiat ia done for them, but she cannot spoil tne fun of four o&er j But the monopcUaed man tes the ! jokj Tou grow bitter nod to-ir becacse yoa are people and not pwffer for-M. Tha a-x ot ; ul anutsemeat wiich gxee your ecthosi- ; ceglected. yoa started to do the ihates aad shucU I aatic vote for mora horaeback riding. He ' What yon peould do is grow wise aad and stoats ot a. aaement pUce together. I 'M, TOJ W Xke of Urn. wary. this rhymai. rsm hn- ., i A nice kettle of Csh you have oa.it m: beriUty that seems to tie latent in n But the other four had the disagreeable . . .. .. , , , ., . . , ...,., .,. .,.. . . !" " " V" "."i --'-I' " "" iTtat I asked the tUi to marry me. , , i man r j mxipr,. ah )-u co.e j appiy pracxica. pru.czp.es to your man ' . . h2.b4m4 liin ur Foniand aretmd your man Instead of entering gaily -4IMj exxjei. you plead axd joa p!.v hi.-n with rsetbolf. Remember that Od Himself I i into the lark. And a lark la no lark wtea ( ooeotiona. Eat to no purpose. Tou r-ave am Fpelr.r reveren:y says that we man. They know the Ue. b'jt they feel that I have bo money, and no inCuestial friends to defend me. and that they nil! simply destroy me- The people a in be at the deatrortcg when It takes plae. Kutl did not threaten me to my face and if he ever does he will get his own punched. That affair has been deliberately and mnhciouaiy misrepresented by the r ;r v tat single man has written leas? i kireangs of the rpecial Inuresta opposed Three years ago a Portlacd girl who to me. No man baa aver Intimidated me.' was engaged to another fellow when I Kebet bj not chief clerk of the geological met her. married her first sweetheart, j survey. He is an engraver. He was Since my whole Jfe has been exposed to j worked on to write the tarealraijng letter the public gaae, I wSI admit what many j acd I bave dared him to meet ae face to people m foruata aireaay snow, i , t Fte "A. W. LAJTE RT T." The 'Unseen Plavmate "V! J Pee of the larks ts a hea. And you certainly are that. Every iiw there Is a stunt which demands a general , participation, yoa c'.-jck and the man finds . himself tijeked under your wing.' Tho ; others es.t for yoa to Jain them. Bji no. . yon are busy eitabiuLbig that tenth pot at. I added the last 114 I had in the world to j Tou want the absolute and rsv!". lw ; the other maas rd and .seat It to her. I of poatessioc usmvtakabty in your favor. "That ought to have ended the incident. When the root are in the tart cieptng ' but tt d da t. Two years later I met that ' bands or leaping to the crest of the t4g aga-n. It doesa t matter where or waves, yoa are ha-iag n nttle seance aii bat I met tun. and it was what I alone yei aad the man oft to one side. learned then that killed my faith In biimaa; A certain amount of appropriation rear nature. That letter nas a fake. The man please a man's vanity, but a great bg overreached yoorseif in your effort to grab ' ak to receive. Give the man a ehznee to , , . . . . . 1. j- t!m: he te trar.r!eoi4 .Hi. .k Man rin, v..f Ki in Portend was that of a youiig lady , v- . .ww,. ...k.; ' . I viK on the East aide who ts a If k. An rwvl tfi.r Ike .rii' w i or.r hinr V. As'. 1. -Kat k. . . . ,. ' nogl Jtr. 1 BUM begin to shake yoa. be will get ai it 4eff f Bi Chunk of Cheese J: One Kind of Cook r Candle LightLa Time. & 4 "charfai r. naing aiose ou fn, la otarm Itt tlaimate that ceer seen. v hen .oivl.es are happy and lune.y atai good. Tht lt..i.J of the Chiidrrn rvraes out of '.-. 'ij lean him acd nobody tw.w, IL pcturt ou ft-er cwutd draar. U.t r. r sure te te present, aaroaj vr at rrhe. " ' tvaH cniMren are hat TT and piaylag aaeae. - He : ta the iaorais he n-r on the grajit. Re eir.gs wen you tiukie the muoh-a gmasi W bene er you are happy aad caunwt tell wky. . . The rriead of the Childrea Is sure te bo by! S J sse ie m pe win. e nates te so Mg, T bo tnaa laaaena the euvea thai you ' a. 'Tfs b mw rM pans wsth pour ' Cwds )ihi go to roar aieep and not tranbw your hal. er iknf "Trs hw 4lW csre p ear piatbtags liniirt" 1 1 SttODM. A: ths at isceaoia state fa.r toia year if to . be shown the largest cheese ever maaufac- aiwais carried it for the benefit of senile- I wholesale monoooir makes blm encom- tares in aLianeaota. It weas po-inos men of my profession. A friend out west ' fortahte. He senses thai he is regarded aa j aaj required the milk e 1W0 cows for a eruta It- She wrote a fresh letter every 'a stick by the others. He knows thai they , 44 v. Too method employed in compreariag j neek, and the man earned it wrapped resect his lack of gcod-fetlowaai?- And h ' I around whatever money he happened to ' is not so abtorbed by you but that tt caa ta.ve m rus pocaet. lie rgxirea that tne feel the dsscomzort ot tne pnra.Tts w-ucn . moat hard-hearted criminal a&va nouid bo your btcdlcg and eawmpptng' appropra,Uoo ; aete4 by an appeal of that kind and would causes tn tis orgars of cocgrea aat . give up the boodle, lis Tgured right tn my The only thing you seem to like do.ag -a case. It I K sae, abd it got my O. nhich, of rid:i g tha horses ta the eteepte-chaa. T5, . course, the man hala t counted on, bit I raits yonr neeneaatve spirit. Tlui a uki leae It to any u.-prehlred wiiaesa if 0"r approprlatlvo so-L To have the man tat wasn't piamg aat about aa low a right behind you on tbe wooden steed t hand aa It Is rwaWe for any man to ho4 you eire!r. whiie the eos sAov ite , devared tn one day fey creaaiery ; Etperie-.-e p!."-P!'adeia Pubhe Ledger. 1 beast ac-oh: that la rapture! A&4 1 ' piu ; uullect Juge E- H Gary, at a dinner ta Wii r Ington. said that the suecaoafel Bil l work was always, to a certain extent, oaneifsth- ' I mesa." he explained, "that the roc reaaful man shows tn his work cone of the liie cheese necessitated the ose of lac-j spirit evinced br a certain Wkeatna coair- crn Tee cheese was cm s f it . rbS cook, en s hot aAernoon. was Bza- r. uron which It was snipped to St- ' tt, . fmsen ttard. f t slapped ter ia a4 is new betrg preserved at a St- rrednts ucether i-.h s-ct caraUssaeas Pal ee'd r.errtgt to prejarxtcrr t . jutchea ra.4 aa.d. her also and offered . to marry her. Her father aad mother ' know this and also ber s-ter. But 1 I have not hoard cf tker mau.g any cooa- piaint about it. "These are the onty two saperieeKes I ever bad In rty Ue. "I am aot the f-rrr a aa who was ever j t irued down or a g'r.. b-it clrsumatances seidoa re Aire a man to make these things i But when suppaH tune ia ovah no de t lags pubi.c Sin-x- tte bPIfr..r.g of the events;- :s ciea&ed aaay: v . , , . . . , , . . rt, Cxa de happy co.r dat foUer are de Lere:nt;o.' rented. 1 ha.e b most re- sweetes of de uy. sportf -1 letters reqerted .nt.-vduct:oi--j to i Wteo my co-ccob p-pe is sta led, an' d mat two f ar.o or. y tno. tK-ta were .. - -'--- rimw of legal age. and I t.: that I had a right i ' to rMeFt the ictrti'ctkra. Or.e cf the. When I come in f om de co n CoT attaa wo k-n ta d a.l day. It S imiln' cice u, Ca my suppah all upon do way; An' it's rice to smell de coffee bubbi-a ovah ia de pot. Aa' it s fin' 10 see oe meat s-rixzm' teaain - las an hot. '. My e.e traa says. 'I j candle iightia time. reckon, Ike. tt a ration a: the fair in "" 'Tou re -e-r.aitlr r.vt givieg mch at t;tele 1: U abo2t rve feet high and , tectio.i 10 that costard: tea twVTp feet In diacetsr. lis valte 1 'Why saould I r the cock has been p-t-cd at t. i Founsea cheese ; -r"neT r.(Ter leave aay ?er us ' " factories of the zis cretrlVii'.ed the ma- , anawered. is the :.oi.:r.g g.ars cf letters as sent ever s year ago to a young lady in Port-aca 1 ivi the other was I the le-.ter to alias Kobe. That is my whole , record. "My enemies wojid iralce tt appear that I aa a regular Stanford White. If Cat is so. probabry oca of the editors cf the papers that are fgirng cue had better lar.mr the role cf Hi'-) Thaw and make the himaeif famous by taa r.g a few friendly t hots at me. when I return to Portland. How Do They Do It? ' s.ca'at atght yon ge off to pour 1 ' .. I To ailow a eblld la lea Into the Biirror be' r H it 's ptenth'eid nf'l cause it j rf .V rn 1 1 " AaiI ear iag-. fcMtVvt that a prroA m Lars ones anon that he u (tt- iZ a vvLldot Z rvsv AfENlPor . LP NO so.ooa -rx; pea ' o 50 , hAvt nose if tou U iriTH A oyyrKyi gAJ) Ynt 3 arVCg'j ffi?? r jj-- r aoaocAS AM outfit; WANT IT ' i !s? ajfctj,. Dea ce chilli 3 sniiggie cp to me. an" 3 cofsnteb-e to tail. "Oh, tay. daddy. r.w it's tirae to make de fhaddera on de :: . j fo 1 liu my hat s Wgethah. evsh daddy 1 kxows de nay Aa' de ciulun snurrle rluur numi m begin to sax: ' Fua' thing, kyeah ccrfi.es Mkstah Rabb.f dn you see him wo k his eah? Huh. up! dis mus' be a dtisey took how inrocent h pears' Ewk's de oie biaxk snae a swinuma' ain't she gut a awful uerkT "ho a dis felier dat s a-comln'2 Why. dat a Old doe Tra .'. I s&e. ' i ! Dat a de nay I run tie, trj'ii.' fa' to please j 'eat a!! I tasi , Ln I hoirfi.ia. -New. be keerful. eis keah j ls s do busa-man." An' dev rt. as' hides dey faces; dey ain't skeered dey a iuii or.i Bit de piay un t reaily 01 aa till dat bugs man is gone. i So I W takes up my bano an' I plays a little cause. An' you see deni hdi corns peepta' owt to iita mhty sKfn. Den try "fit says, "rtch a pappy for te gna you si- n s frigat' JeW'yoa "pe to eid. aa rear .him. rwy jou praters an -sav gotl-riirht"" Paul Laurence Dusbar. When you move into a new house always sand beforehand a loaf of breavd and new broom. The people who are forced to eat therr own words regret thai they didn't tape honeyed Phrases. He who brings up the yeuag of e. -will only get etang