TIIK W.V.t OMAHA. MONDAY. AtHH ST 1911.
Hi ii r'TuUu
The jee'g fine yagaziie
age
r
Bleat of the Innocent Bystander
I w-e tliat a man who was once a rep
rentitive from Nevada Is gnin- to cul
11 Jf- 'he ti of forty-something." ob
wr d tin lingular Fellow.
nnrt a lot of those still In the house
of r rrenteti'-es our lit to be Siring to
kindergarten," rejoined the Innncnt Hy
stander. "A college education In a treat
thin. especially efrwV one reaches the ace
where he can appreciate tt, which is usually
several j-ea.ru after the average collegian
.a A left d-(ir old alma mater and has dis
covered, ilia t a Oieek letter la not alwaya
answered with alt offer of employment.
"Colle'ge la Just about the right, place for
some of the noises who are shoeliorned
into the-conureKS and then fallout through
-V ventilating hole In the floor. Hut most
gnm An I n ni . see i n about ripe for the Infnnt class
I and a few seem qualified for the reform
school.
"Maybe a little college training would
teach members of congress to ull off their
fist fights out on the campus or behind
! serine barn Instead of on the floor of the
house of representatives and misrepresent-
atlvex. ' A cottrse in higher English might
give, other representatives a wldo enough
range of the lungunge, so that they would
not'l-ave to uv y'io rough 'stuff In debate
when there, are-women iv the visitors'
galleries.
"A college course In composition, with
some explanation of the mark given, good
or bad work, might be of benefit to those
members of the jower branch who Jam
speeches Into the CotigresHlnnul Itecord
after sIiuoHiik aforesaid . speeches full of
parenthetical 'applause' and 'loud ap
plause,' although the sieech was never de
livered to anybody but the public printer,
and he didn't listen. It might be well, too,
for inch representatives to take u course
In higher mathematics and economics, or at
a
i
"NOISK."
leant economy, so they wen't flood the
nation with the voiceless oratory at great
expense (o those great heroes of Just before
election, you and I. who later get It In the
collar button. Understand me, I don't ob
ject to a representative of that sort re
straining his desire to spill a speech all
over tho house of reps. If ho'd agre to
Blip It to the printer and have It dumped
Into the waste basket, the country, to say
nothing of the men who get $7,500 a year
for listening to it, would be saved a head
ache. Put this Inflicting It on the public
and making the poor old pub. pay for the
punishment Is cruel."
"How about the representativee who
write letter to girls?" asked the Regular
Fellow. "Do they need to go to colleger
"Nope correspondence school," replied
the Innocent bystander.
(Copyright, Ml, oy New Tork Herald Co.)
YES, IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY
, -rwmrm .. .7, i I . . ... -- ; I III ' fm
"Chance" Men Lost to " Science"
The mountaineer Jury In Virginia which
has just returned a Terdict that a roulette
wheel may be "doctored", so that the
patrons do not have as fair a chance as
the dealer, will probably not settle for all
time the old pusile whether or not a rou
lette wheel is really a fair gambling de
vice, says the Boston Transcript.
In this neighborhood few of these wheela
havfl recently been openly In use, and our
pubic is not acquainted with Its workings,
but It is the main device of Monte Carlo
and other . a-arablins: centers. Scientific
nfi, as well as- gamblers throughout the
""'oi-fiHirldhave from time to time Investigated
' tils wheel. Sotrte of them have found or
liave thought they found. In certain wheela
a magnetic bar that could be controlled
by the operator, so that the ball , would
stop at a certain place, but when half a
dozen or more people are playing at the
name wheel,. It would be Impossible so to
arrange, tt; that they would all lose, owing
to the various degrees of color and num
bers on , which' they are betting.,
Thli mountdn mini reminds -fild-tlma
) admirers' of Hark Twain of one of his
stories, now little known, concerning the
game of aeven-up or old sledge. Rome Ken
tucky boys were arrested for playing this
game under the usual charge of playing a
game of chance. When they were brought
before the indue their lawver claimed that
this game was not a game of chance, but
as a game of sclenoe. The court, pus-
" VJed. asked for a suggestion, and the law
I yy!Ieelared that If a Jury of six gamblers
well acquainted with the grme In a scien
tific way and six deaoons be Impaneled
with a pack of cards their decision ought
to be determinative. So the story goes.
v "There was no disputing the fairness of
the proposition. Four deacons and the
two dominies were, sworn in as the chance
Jurymen, and six inveterate old seven-up
professors were chosen to represent the
science side of the Issue. They retired to
the Jury room.
"In about two hours Deacon Peters sent
Into court to borrow J.l from a friend.
(Sensation.) In about two hours more
Dominie Miggles Bant Into court to borrow
a "stake" from a friend. (Sensation.) Dur
ing the next three or four hours the do
minie and the other deacons sent Into court
for small loans.
"The rest of the story can be told(
briefly. About daylight the Jury came in.
and, Deacon Job, the foreman, read the
following verdict:
" 'We. the Jury In the case of the Com
monwealth , of Kentucky . against John
Wheeler etval., have carefully considered
the points of the case and tested the merits
of the several theories advanced, and do
hereby unanimously decide that the game
commonly known as old eledge or seven-up
Is eminently a came of sclenoe and not of
chance. In demonstration -whereof It Is
hereby and herein stated. Iterated, reiter
ated, set forth, and made manifest that,
during the entire night the "chance" men
never won a game or turned a lack, al
though both feats were common and fre
quent to the opposition; and furthermore,
in support of this, our verdict, we call at
tention to the tilgnlflcant fact that the
"chance" men are all broke and the
"solence" men have got the money. It Is
the deliberate opinion of this jury that the
"chance" theory concerning seven-up is
a pernicious doctrine and calculated to in
flict untold suffering and pecuniary loss
upen any community that takes stock In
It.' "
Kvidently the sentiments of Virginia and
Kentucky on the subject of gambling are
identical. ,
WHY AIMAM WMO'MCv ,'uqh' how D?
MY. MOW fJ iVJPU I HATE TrvM ffC?. !
Wl . &T & ro Js A VAIiLv I Moure
X a'Sfc 3 .MAKE 'YOU 1-2-3-4 I fl d
I Docroav .0 0 y y
A 1 H 11 ' i WHY DOM'T) Ji'M DiETiMvi.
t-v rn Tn v .V (yA .love v i nocanov
" 5
MASaAQ-P ? DiTiN6r'
"ZxH iwrtY ALMA' I HAQ-OIE-E-r;! BPiNQj f , hrT
M7 l&j
fj 31 " iY
(S?Ztt&y !. L 'CgeAM f 0 ArVSfHlAS
THE. DEE, 03UK1OR BirmtDAY BOOK.
We Celebrate
3
This is he Day
5
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MHJKK1 MTONNELU
Fupplton Avenue.
MONDAY,
f: . I
v I ' 1
virron jcuas.
1W William Street.
August 28, 1911
Loretta's Looking Glass-Held Up to Some Idiotic Advice
Broadway's Big Toll on Spenders J
(iiiiiii
yay
Name and Address. School. Year.
Anna Allyn, 2201 Spencer St Lothrop 1901
Carrie Baker, 1719 Leavenworth St Leavenworth 1901
Madge Burgeaa. 27S4 Davenport St High ....1894
Earl Bailey, 823 Farnam St Pacific ....1896
Helen Bell, 2719 Hickory St I'ark 189
Rudolf .nt. Braida, 143(1 South Twelfth St Comentua 1904
j Thomas Richard Burnell, 4502 Redford Ave Clifton Hill 1901
! Ethel Campbell, 2124 North Twenty-sixth St Long 187
jGarrlson Chizum, 2602 Taylor St Saratoga 1S9
August Custer, 1417 South Eleventh St Lincoln lSi
Anna Cutler, 1441 South Fourteenth St Comentua l0o
George W. Can, 3312 Corby St Howard Kennedy. .1904
Alther J. Cameron, 2610 Harney St .Farnam 1P05
Victor Davla, 718 North Twenty-flrat St .Kellom 190-1
Earl E. Delehanty, 2336 South Eleventh St St. Patrick 19C
Victor Ellaa. 1505 William St Comenlus 1901
Juanita Friend, 2424 Sprague St Saratoga '...1904
Helen J. Felch, 905 South Thirty-third St Columbian 1897
Martha Goettache, 1716 Van Camp Ave .Vinton 1S9I
Kenneth Gunnell, 2605 Emmet St High ' n'91
John F. Gtlmore, 2885 Miami St ...Howard Kennedy .1903
Walter Gerke, 324X1 Harney St Fatnam 1SS
Minnie Govela, 4402 Bedford Ave Clifton Hill 1895
Nettle Goldstine, 2217 South Eleventh St Lincoln 1893
Margaret H. Howes, 542 South Twenty-sixth Ave... .Farnam 1K9:J
Florence E. Haller, 708 South Thirty-first St. Farnam 1934
Archie Hoke, 4906 Cuming 8t High 1896
Augustine Imbert, 1958 South Thirteenth St Lincoln 189B
Albert M. Jacobaen. 2718 Ohio St Howard Kennedy. . 1S9R
Mildred Johnson, 3550 Cass St Saunders 1900
Jennie Kalma, 1915 South Thirteenth fit 1 Jncoln 1893
Wendell KlshneV, 713 South Nineteenth St. Leavenworth 1899
Wellington Ledwlch, 3617 Harney St High 1891
David Lynch, 5124 North Twenty-third St Sacred Heart 189 i
Louie Labowlti, 1720 Cass St Cass , 1904
Jessie Ltifenz, 2717 Parker 8t Ing 1V04
Mildred M. McConnell, 2969 Poppleton Ave. Park 1903
Mildred L. Miller, 6315 Curtis Ave Central Avenue. . .1896
harlle Moreen. 2333 North Twentieth St Lake 1902
Maud Olmstead, 8534 North Twenty-eighth St High 1894
Harold Potter, 4001 North Twenty-sixth St Saratoga 1903
Lilly Patterson, 2523 Blnney St... Lothrop ...1901
George Reld, 1707 Dorcas St .High 1896
Fannie Racusln, 904 North Sixteenth St , Cass , 1897
Fred B. Sawtelle, 2707 Dodge St ....Lothrop .......... 1903
Florence Shames, 1513 North Seventeenth St Kellom 1897
Alice Schnerder, 107 Stanford Circle Castellar 1899
Helen schnej!ewind, 110 South Twenty-eighth Ave... Farnam 1905
C. E. Thompson, 4040 Charles St Walnut Hill 1906
Mary Thornton, 3706 South Thirteenth St Forest 1898
Lelta Toney, 2890 Maple St Howard Kennedy. . 1903
th morn
ail the l
sl m old i
lit toll.
if
A (fiilllon dollars a night! That's what
theyay old gallant rather Knickerbocker,
hi children and country cousins spend
when I hey don their best bib and tucker
and In taxlcabs are whirled away to the
Broadway district for .a Bight of revel and
pleasure. A mllllo dollars a night!
It Is1 a very steep price, but Father
Knickerbocker pays It without a murmur.
He takes his pleasure madly, gladly, and
morning after If be finds car fare
prioe of a bracer he defies that
killjoy, Remorse, who would col-
And when the day's work la
done, when the light begin to burn
brightly and the orchestra tune up when,
In fine, New York's night -lite starts Its
.,V mrry rare, you will find, the old gentle-
jr'WSTB again In It and of It. ' '
r How doe he spend UT (.He can't tell
you down to the last peonjs. .AU that he
knows or cares la that ha ddas. And aJ
' long as he ia satisfied, wfl should any one
complain. It keeps the money ball rolling,
and enables the thousand, of ' persona oV
rertly concerned to make a livelihood.-
"1 keep no books," said Father KnU-ker-
' booker, when questioned about his Joy bills
i today. "Go to Broadway". It will tall you
the big item and maybe eome of the
minor details,'' And along, Broadway the
reporter went to find the answer.
"A million dollars a night!" echoed
Louis Martin, as he directed the mechan
ism of his establishment from a little of
fice near the Seventh avenue entrance.
And as he pondered over the question there
was wafted - In. the soft, subdued mmors
of the sweetly sad melody of . that sea
song, the barcarole from "The Tales of
Hoffmann."
"On first thought." he said, "a million
a Light for Broadway Is as fanciful and
dreamy as that music. And yet well, its
true to a big extent. I have never con
sidered the question Just in that light.
"When New Tork starts out for a night
of pleasure It can teach London, Paris,
Berlin and 8L. Petersburg lessons In ex
travagance. It wanta the best, and pay
ing the price, gets the beet. Now, let's
get down to the figures,
"Pinners will total not leas than
" "Tyll Includes, of course, vintage wines
. th the meal. Say the average for a dla
yfier approximates 16 a plate, and from
lo IT for the after theater supper. Fre-
' niiMtl Ik. Iiilt.. mm u I la mAr ..aflv than
the dinner. Mora wine Is apt to be con
sumed, and at present irlcs It 'takes but
a few bottles to make a surnrUingty large
total.
"Therefore, we; will &ay about IJuO.OU) a
night for dinners and upifr. Tlirn there
y the tuvater.' When the season Is at
'A t'll,ht- when the tsjicra is in full bluet.
V York $170 wi for it amusement
In this manner. With the taxlcabs. flow
era, bonbons and u ore of liutoVmals.
the price writ be alwut tooutui. With horse
racnii; In Vugu? ami Walt nlivft '!(imt
this figure would be .really k-e-td
We. of Broadway, used to divide the. uum.
ere of Broadway into three classes, in the
oraer or spenders Wall street, society in
the acoeDted sense of the term. a.nt th.
racing men. I am not taking into account
me out or town visitors.
"Yet they are a blsr uart nf Urnaitwov
and their hotel bills alone will greatly in
crease the total. If there Isn't a million
spent In the Broadway district, what la
left wouldn't enable a man to have a
steam yacht, a Newport cottage and a
country home In Long Island."
Heart in Riht Place
Mrs. Isaac L. Rloe. the president of the
Hocle.y for the Huppreeelon of Unnecessary
Nofsa, was discussing In New York the din
of automobiles.
"Of course." she said, "my society Is op
posed by those utomohlllsts who use the
dreadful muffler cut-off at dead of night
In quiet residential streets. These mea would
only think well of my society It it was In
favor of the muffler cut-off. Their frankly
eeinsh point of view reminds me of a girl
at Narragausett.
"8he frowned, this girl, us she saw
young I'hlladelphia millionaire riding on
the sands with a beautiful New York
heiress, ajid she said:
"Cadblddleder Waddle's heart is not.
I'm afraid, in the right place.'
Ah, aald her companion, a gray and
cynical bachelor, 'when does a girl ever
deem a man's heart In the right placer
W hen it's confided,' was the frank an
swer, to her own keeping.' "
C&Iifornia Wine
Exports of win br sea from th.
8an Pranclaco durlnsr Mio tnti.t isim
gallons. The great bulk of thla,' via., s.d.-
i9s gauons. was shipped to New York by
way of Panama and Osim Hnm "n,-
shipments by sea from 8an Francisco for
the preceding year were T.MO.m gallons.
Tb Increase for 1M was therefor very
marked.
Other exports from San Francisco during
191. were: To Central America, 12S.846 g..
Ions; to the Hawaiian Islands. TM.744 gal
lons; to Oermany, ItleDt gallons; to France,
104 gallons; to Mritlsh Columbia, 35 gal
lons; to Jan. T3.W gallons; to Mexico,
Sl'. gallons; to England, tc.llg gallons!
The above totals are exclusive of bottled
goods, of which .i21 casa were shlppeil
from Han Kruucis.. by sea during last year.
Denmark Is the aairy of Europe. It has
rivhty-five need of cattle to each ltiu In-liaLitam
"Don't let the man you are going to
marry know that you can do things. If he
suspects that you can cook you will have
to do It. If he likes your clothea and you
let him find out that you make them your
self you'll never have a chance to make
him pay dressmakers' bills. If a man
knows a girl can do things to help herself
he expects It of her. Just keep him in
Ignorance and you won't have to work!"
You listen with open-eyed credulity to
the advice of the married woman who
speaks. You even call up In your mind the
act that Mrs. Nobody, who boasts that she
cannot cook a thing, seems to have unllm-'
Ited money for hiring servants. You re
flect that none of the girls you know ap
pear to think a gown is half as pretty or
as stylish after she discovers it is "home
made."
You call to mind your own concessions to
feminine opinion when you make yourself
a becoming and smart hat and then sew
an old label from a Paris hat of years back
in the crown. It Is easy for you to con
clude that women do not appreciate self-
help and underestimate the work of your
hands, so you readily fall In with the Idea
that the Idiotic adviser advances: "A man
Will think more of you, do more for you,
if you are unable to do tor .yourself."
Of all the outrageously untrus advice
which Illogical wonven can offer to make
misery and mistakes for younger women.
this particular way of inciting a girl to
loaf on the matrimonial job Is the worst.
The women who give It ought to be put In
a pound, te stay there until redeemed by
eome one who loved them. They would
stay a long time.
There Is fairness and justice and mutual
consideration to be built Into the matri
monial structure even If a good many of
the contracts do appear to be the bad work
of professional boodlers and grafters.
What would you think of a man who
asked you to marry him and then carefully
covered up his resources, dlllgent'y dis
guised his ability to do his share In the
conjugal partnership. Think? You wouldn't
think of him I You wouldn't even consider
him! Unless he could show good cause for
you to trust your future to blm, la the
shape of a reasonable salary and a small
bank account, you would regard him as
the most abnormally egotistical human for
daring to assume that the possession of
"just yourself" was enough to trap ybu Into
the pitfalls of married life.
And what is his salary? What is his
bank account? Both are just signs of his
ability to do something that is worth being
paid for by his employers. If he cannot
make good, you do not want him.
Any one but the Idiotic adviser who draws
her conclusions from nothing but her own
wild fancies would recognise your ability
to cook and sew as a fair return or a
balancing value for your lover's capacity
to earn enough to buy food and pay rent,
but no! this lunatic injects into you that
you should be a human Uly-of-the-fleld,
August Vachtsle, Third and Spring St ........
Alvln Worthing, 3814 Davenport St
(( . X
Y World's Oldest Paper J
The oldest newspaper In the world Is the
Klng-Pau, or "Capital Sheet," published
In Peking. It first appeared A. I. 911, but
came out only at irregular intervals. Since
the year ltll, however, It has been pub
lished weekly, and of uniform slse. Until
Its reorganisation by Imperial decree. It
contained nothing but orders In council and
court news, was published about mid
day and cost 1 kesh, or something lees than
a cent. Now, however, It appears In three
editions dally.
The first, issued early la the morning and
printed on yellow paper, la called Hslng-J
Pau (Business Sheet), and contains trade
prices, exchange quotations, and all manner
of commercial Intelligence. Its circulation
is a little over (,000. The second edition,
which comes out during the forenoon, also
printed upon yellow paper, la devoted to
official announcements, fashionable In
telligence and general news. The third edi
tion appears late In the afternoon, Is printed
on red paper and bears the name of
Tltanl-Pau (Country Sheet). It consists of
extracts from the earlier editions.
Don't Breathe Lazily
"If ydu are consumptive, If you think you
are drifting into consumption, sing!" said
the progressive medical man to one of his
patients.
"Of course, singing alone will not save
you from consumption or cure you; be
sides singing you must have plenty of
fresh air and good food. And speaking of
fresh gir, I must say that not one person
in a hundred knows how to Inhale it. Peo
ple seldom breathe deeply enough; they
seldom properly ventilate their lung cav
ities, which resemble stuffy Insanitary
apartments, where all germs thrive undis
turbed. Acquire the habit of taking the
big. deep breath which Is a primary requi
site for any kind of singing, bad or good
and the physical joy derived from it will
never allow you to relapse Into lasy breath'
Ing. Furthermore, the mere effort of sing'
Irig compels the singer to stand straight
st.-d to throw out the chest, a good cor
rective for the bad physical habits of weak
chested people.
Facts are engraved hierograma
which the feweet have the key.
for
...Bancroft ....... .1903
...Webster ........1902
Webster 1898
...Walnut Hill 1905
....... .Windsor 1903
Vernon Williamson, 809 South Eighteenth St Leavenworth ...1900
that th tnv nf nlnthinv vnil In unlendo il
sufficient reward in lueif for any man. ! Andrew Wyman, 3414 California St
She poisons your conception of marriage , Helen M. Whitney, 4365 Charles St...
by making it a one-sided bargain where ! Dorothy Welch, 3012 Oak St.
you give yourself and expect the man to
keep paying for you all his life as if he bad
secured a wonderful treasure. He has not.
He has bought a salted mine. He Is the
victim of a swindle.
A man In love Is apt to think that "just
to have you" Is enough. This Idiotic ad
viser would lead you to believe that you
can keep him in that state of mind by being
a lasy spendthrift. But nothing flourishes
on false principles. And the man wakes
up to the fact you are not playing fair. He
may keep on paying the bills. But you
lose your lover. It's the work of the
idiotic adviser!
Extinct Ruminants that Climbed Trees
It might be almost as surprising to see 1
a cow climbing a tree as to see her jump
over the moon, as she is reported from the
nursery to have done; but the American
Museum of Natural History has now put
on exhibition a group of rumlnanta or cud
chewing animals to which the cow and her
nephew, the goat, belong, which made a
business, many years ago, of frisking about
the tops of the loftiest trees for choicest
leaves and tendereet buds.
In the New York Times Dr. W. D. Mat
thew, the new curator at the museum,
talks Interestingly about the hoofed tree
climbers.
"It seems somewhat paradoxical," aald
Dn. Matthew, "to Imagine a ruminant
climbing trees, though there are stories of
goats doing ao. But these stories seem
to be more or less apocryphal, so far as
any real climbing goes. Even the narrow-
pointed hoofs of a goat do not give the
necessary grasp, and his legs and feet are
too stiff and limited In their motion. The
only living member of the hoofed mam
mals which really climb trees Is the coney
of South Africa.
"All living hoofed animals, however, ex
cept the hyrax have the feet modified for
walking and running' on the ground In such
a way as to gain In speed and endurance
at the expense of a loss of flexibility of
the foot, and none of them 1 able to climb
trees. This Is specially true of the cud
chewing animals, In which the foot la very
J
iruich specialised for running purposes.
Compare this type of foot with the soft,
flexible, sharp-clawed foot of a cat, anl
it Is easy enough to see why a cat can
climb a tree and a ruminant cannot.
"The most primitive extinot ruminants
had all four separate digits of nearly equal
slse, and this condition Is retained In all
the oreodonts, a family of ptgltke rumi
nants very common In North America dur
ing the tertiary."
Dr. Matthew explained that an oreodont
which Is now a part of the exhibition waa
called agriochaerus, and while It had
ruminating teeth, it also had the limbs
and feet modified In such a way as to en
able It to climb treat as rapidly as a
jaguar or other large cat.
"The hoofs," he continued, "are so nar
row as to be actually converted Into a sort
of claw; the articulations, of the digits,
wrist and limb-bones are modified so as
to give throughout limbs and feet the same
flexible joints which we find In cats and
In all tree-c!lmblng animals.
"The agriochaerus lived during the oli
goceno epoch in western North America,
and then became extinct. Why, we do not
know, but we may suppose that it was
only parUy arboreal, and. that the handi
cap of its clumsiness upon the ground was
more than enough to offset the advantage
of being able to climb trees when pursued
by the Improved race of carnivore that
l were being evolved about this time."
Trouble Along the Border
Jlte ilNf dS
Don't Ue to au,-' uLBa
that U
uut suHd
r
Microbe Serenade
J
A lovelorn microbe met by chance
At a swagger bacterlodal dance
A proud bacclllan belle, and she
Was first f the animalcule.
of organism sscehariiie, ,
he was the protoplasmic queen,
The microscopical pride and pet
Of the biological set.
And ao this infinitesimal swain
Evolved a pleaning low refrain;
"O lovelv metamorphlc germ,
AVhat futile scientific term
Can well describe your many charms?
Come to these embryonic arms.
Then hie awav to my cellular home.
And be rhv little diatom!"
His epithelium burned with love.
He swore by molecules above
She d oe his own aresrarioue mats.
Or else he would disintegrate.
This amorous mite of a parasite
pursued the germ both day and night.
And 'neatb her window often played
Thl Iiarwin-Huxley serenade
Hr'd warble to her every day
This rlusoix'dical roundelay:
"O. mont primordial type of spore.
1 never met jour like before;
And though a microbe has not heart.
From vou. sweet germ, I'll never paj-t.
We'll sit beneath tome fungtie growth
Till dissolution claims os both "
UEUHOE ADE.
r
'Bring the Winner"
J
K. Phillips Oppenhelm, the Knglish noe.-
Ist, Is fond of American lobsters, which are
more delicate than their English cousins.
During his recent visit to New York Mr.
Oppenhelm was nightly to be seen in this
lobster palace or in that, bending hli keen
visage In grave absorption over great
scarlet shells of snowy meat.
It is related of Mr. Oppenhelm that one
night his waiter brought him a lobster that
lacked a claw.
"I say, waiter, there's a claw missing,
here, you know," he complained.
"Yes, sir." said the waiter. "Two lotx
stirs got to flghtln' downstairs; sir, and
this here feller lost a flipper."
Mr. Oppenhelm pushed back his plat a,
little wearily.
"Take him away," he said, "and brtafl
me the winner."
Th United bis tea makes the best poultry
showing In the world. Its Pock Bombers
sveea.eoo, and the yearly egg autput 1 aW!
more than I.MM.OOO.OOO.