9
r
The BEES Junior Birthday Book9
How to Train a Wife
THE BEE: OMATTA, "WEDNESDAY, AT'OrST lfi. 101 f.
H Th e ee'g
f e
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1
A J
i a
Y
I sue tttwt of the wirwn's snagazfrM-e of
fe a prize of ITOO for the bwt artlrla o
scribie: a, woman's Wlen.1 man. Tbera'a an
nry.vty ( picking up W suggested
t!v Continued Commuter. ""Why dwt
yfj ettrapeter' '
f "Wfcy Wt your he asked. "Only a
ua.M dr ire to the llbVC. 1
laK'it mid ihrm one of your photoirreplis."
site aWM Jfehtly.
"Why ran t you he Sn mrwit onc In a
whit?" the Cammntrr InterjV'Ctixl. "Every
wobmii han some sort of Ideal, 1 suppose.
irvl th aibjer,t J worlh taking se
rtnaiily.' i
"Tea. bat women' Meals vary ao mueS
that't lt' vcrv bard to generalise about
them." M liiff amrwrref. "Other women's
ldaU o( men usually bore me. to . tear.
Reaidi s, an Meal hi s.ich tin elastic thing.
lt' fTy apt lo mean any man that thtnka
""jon're. his Ideal woman. Why. when T was
11 I nw one old ludy who upd to tell
me that tho (dear hi.bhand wan 'any man
wih kind heart and a g'iod income.' I
thought it a dlsK'us.inRly sordid sentiment
at the time, but T've come to see that It
may be true for some women."
"I don't ace hon- you figure thst out."
observes1 the confirmed Commuter, Just for
tbdi sake of argument. "I can remember
the time when you um d to say that no
one else iri the world pay sueh usurious
intercut the mnn or woman who marries
for money.'"
"And that's true, too." answered the un
daunted philosopher. "There are two kinds
of women that can marry for money suc
cessfully those that don't care about men
and those that are crazy about thorn.
Take the Indifferent kUnd the woman with
a permanently tepid temperament to every
thing but her own comfort. If possible
for any kind-hearted rich man she marries
to" trim "har a 'negative sort of happiness
the happiness of not wanting anything,
which of course doesn't compare wHth the
happiness of getting what you want. Then
there's the other sort.-' Phe" likes almost
any man so well that It's very aasy for
her to choose according to the Ideal's
check book, rather than her own heart, and
'live happily ever after' that."
The Confirmed Commuter had been so
Viutd-by the unusual trend of his wife's
frgument that he had actually listened all
the way through.
"
awwwvw tww.p awau. mxa-t
" "T MIGHT PKND THEM ONE OF"
Yon? PHOTlXlRAPHS,' SHE ADDED
UCHTLI.''
"Then it's your opinion that any woman
who doesn't marry a millionaire makes a
serious mistake?" he summarised dryly
"It's too bad that you attained such i
philosophic state of mind after having
been the wife of a hard working com
mutir for five long years."
"Now don't be a goose," exclaimed the
Hopeful Housewife in a delightful man
ner. "I waa going to add that If just nor
mally tntereated in men the whole thing
depend on the temperature of your emo
tions the deirrc.e your personality has
cooled off from the cava woman."
"Oh. I see you think real lova exist In
a sort of temperate tone of emotion.
Maybe you're right. I was thinking the
other day that people are a good deal
like planets."
Here his wife cut short the threatened
lecture on astronomy with a merry laugh.
"I happen to have read that article about
the planets, too."
She smiled happily at the Confirmed
Commuter. ,
"You. see. dear." she said. "If I'd mar
ried you for money ' you wouldn't know
about anything but the planet along
Broadway, and I'd have to look for my
Ideal man on another star."
(Copyright, 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Co )
Why I;Bemained a Bachelor
Some day," began the Chronic Bachelor
lemnjy. ."I am going to. publish a nice
at. volume called 'Undesirable . Women I
-Jlavw'Met,' and right In the middle of it,
I'm going to have a chapter devoted to the
Ulrl Who Giggle.' " "
' Meaning that you object to the feminine
sens of "humor?" sniffed the Designing
Debutante.
"Sf-nSo of humor?" exclaimed the Bach
elor' "Ye god, no! i wouldn't give th
second glance to the girl who can't scare
up' a i-cal" live crosa-your-heart sort of a
laugh now and.' then.' The giggling girl
doesn't" laugh:"" she merely give an ex
hibition': of acute mental vapldneB.;' If
yoo'd'fell her a really humorous Joke you'd
have to draw a map of It with colored
Illustrations, and then the chance are he
wiajld be taken down with' a serious case
of brain fag. and you'd suffer severe men
tal' Exhaustion "and Impediment of speech
trying to' give her a little light on the
ubject.
"Down at the seashore one luraiwr,"
continued the Bacneior. l waa inirooucw
dream of a girl. Her name waa Ger
trude.' She had a scarlet bow for a mouth,
and when she laughed I thought all th
liver Joy bell In th world muBt be rlng
li a-glad 'anthem.
But even" -silver bells, constantly
sounded, grow wearisome, seeming to have
a clang l't their voice, especially when th
mood for Joy I all wrong. Several times,
when Gertrude sent forth mirth peal at
Inopportune' moments, I caught the Jing
ling 'turned suddenly to Jangling. There
are times', you know, when laughter Is a
bad substitute fur brains."
i "Une evening well toward midnight, when
A war; trying U urge my car to beat a
i heavy itonn o the hotel and helter, ihe
If.sly motor stopped, a motor are wont
to do. ' AH th coaxing known to the
method '-of" man refused to budge It from
It mooring. With the gloom o thick you
could cut it with a knife, w brok th
doleful tiding to Ned' mother, slater and
Gertrude.' s- ' -
"Cn you Imagine our stat of mln,d when
Gertrude gave vent to a prolonged gggl.
una cf those nervous, - toneless ehortlmg.
without experiencing a wild desire to re
treat to solitude.
"Gertrude married. Kvery one wondered
why poor old Ray's hair t'"ned gray about
the temples without the excuse of years.
Gertrude used to have spells of hysteria:
whenever they attended a smart affair or
were at a public function and Ray had to
rush around to quiet ' a sobbing, giggling
woman, until he finally refused to go any
place at all.
"As a home comfort, air accidental tack
In the foot should, be a luxury compared
with the Giggling Girt!"
Nubs of Knowledge
Theodoalus the Great in SS6, forbade pub-.,
lie show in Rom on Sundays.
Practice, of snuff taking took rise' In
England from the captures made of Im
mense quantltlea of anuff by Sir Georg
Rooke'a expedition to Vigo In 1702.
The Solar system, nearly as now accepted,-
was taught by Pythagoras of
Samoa In 69 B. C.
Bribery wa forbidden py .aw a early
as 1461 B. C,
;
Circulation of the blood through th lung J
wa discovered by Michael Serve us, Span
ish physician. In 1563.
Culture of the grape,4n America for win
making began in Florida In 1564.
Vivisection wa largely practiced in the
Alexandrian school during the first cen
turies of th Christian era.
Use of rockets in was was proposed a
long ago a but no progress was made
toward this end until the early part of the
nineteenth century.
.
5
T
f i.
i-A'i
HKLVIN IjOVKJOT rRAWTORDV
SMs Pinkney Street.
This is fhe
Day We
(jslebrale
AogusX 16, 191L
Loretta's Looking Glass-Held Up to the Girl With the Direct Gaze
Xam and Addron. School. Teaww
Louis Anderson. IS10 North Twenty-alxth St XxU)rop ....... ...It 01
Vras Andrewra, 112 Sooth Thlrty-eerantli St. ..... Colombian ..1101
Elsie Baaoaiat. 191S Grant St. ........... Howard Kennedy.. 18JS
Rulb. Benson. 16 Jl Cass St Webster ........ 100
Ols Ann Brodll, 1610 William St. ............. Comenlna .. 10J
Harry Bullls. 2S1 Sabler St Saratoga ...... 18
Victor Cbrtotenaen, 1618 Canton St Vinton ......... .189T
Mabel Cutler, 611 Souta Thlrty-flrat St Farnam 1899
if. Ixjvejoy Crawford. 3028 Pinkney 8t.. Druid Hill ..1908
Llxxlo Doleja, 1310 Garfield Are Kdw. Rosewater. ..1901
Arthur Ekgtrand, 2016 Arbor St... Caetellar .1902
Marlon J. Fisher. K17 South Thirty-third St Windsor 1902
Irene Farmer, 2417 Ellison Are. . ..... Saratoga .......1904
Edith Gauntt, 3419 Pine St Windsor ...... ..1903
Dorothy Henderson, 628 South Twenty-eighth St. ...Farnam ...1902
Ruin Hoge, 2419 Parker St. ....Long; .....190S
John Hleber, 1820 Spring St Vinton .1896
Grace HUon, 1917 Charles St . . . Kellom .......... 1897
Elinor M. Ittner, 608 North Twentieth St Central ....1898
Hazel Johnson, 2014 Dorcas St Castellar . . .w 1900
Jeanette Johnson, 3830 Seward St , Franklin 1901
Frances Krltenbrlnk, 2438 South 'Twentieth St. .... . St. Joseph 1902
Ines Klllman, 1102 South Thirty-second St High ......1895
Hanna Kulakofsky, 1944 South Tenth St.... High 1894
Heken Lundgren, 2922 Dupont St. ............. . Dupont .1903
Chester Lueble, 23374 South Sixteenth St Castellar 1903
Mabel Linde, 2584 Evans St t . . . . . Lothrop 1902
Margaret Mergen, 1817 Lake St. ................ Sacrel Heart.-. .... 1897
Alice Miller, 3401 Sherman Ave Sacred Heart. .... .1896
Agnes McCollister, 3041 Stone Ave... Miller Park 1902
Mable E. Moore, 4328 Leavenworth St. ......... Columbian 1906
Edward J. Miraaky, 1433 South Fourteenth St Comenlus 1904
Kenneth Martin, 2826 Decatur St High 1894
Lyle Newlin 620 North Seventeenth St Cass 1902
Anna E. Nelson, 432 6 Franklin St...... Walnut Hill 1899
Lily E. Kisser, 4020 Binney St Clifton Hill. .. ..1899
Alfred Rittenhouse, 1809 Farnam St High .....1894
S. Rady, 1110 Izard St ..Holy Family. .... 1904
Gladys Rigby, 1229 South Sixteenth St Comeniua ..1896
Orta. V. Reeve. 410 North Twenty-third St Central ....... 1 8 9 4
Marie Smith, 1101 Izard St Cass ..........1897
Dorothy Stltes, 2014 Pratt St.. Lothrop ........1906
Albert Straden, 1925 Emmet St Lothrop ........1900
Emma Strohbeen, 1004 North Forty-seventh Ave. .. .Walnut Hill. .... 1898
Erma Stroud, 2125 North Fourteenth St . ...Lake .........1899
Luclle E. Sparks, 2519 North Fifteenth St Lake ....1902
Frank Schneider, 3122 Burdette St....... Howard Kennedy.. 1903
Helen Stottenberg, 1317 South Thirty-fifth St. .... .Columbian .....1902
Elma Truax, 1614 Yates St .......Lake .....1896
Howard Tighe, 1412 North Nineteenth St Kellom . ., 1901
Th oldest volunteer corps In th world 1
the Honorable Artillery company of Lon-
half "hySteriar" Politeness forbids my tJn. which dates from 1637, during th reign
tempting to' portray the results, but w
Fve the blue lightning rapidly overtaking
us a pretty good run for place. '
"Afterward I noticed the few mtance
of' Gertrude' mistaken 'sense of humor., .
Whenever" a laps occurred io tha coj-
verYattbn Gertrude' giggled to cover her
embarrassment.'
'"When Voti pafd her a' compliment he
giggled Instead of saying a quiet word f
thank
"To her the latest wheeaa from a popular
comedy, and Jh signing of the declaration
of Independence were equally bumoroua.
"Gertrude, giygled with fright, and used
th same. nan io convey pleasure. .
r&wrr sentatsoe.-whether In humorous,
cummonplac or seriou vein, i pune
tuated with a K'8"'- "
vKinaily, one hty my nerve completely
civ out. I turned, abruptly apd fled from
th lrnal sound, gf sham laughter, tap
ping my- ear with iny fingers and look
ing wild-eyed at-paaaersby, fearful they,
tup, were in Ua laughing mood. It was
days before I coulJ bear a peal of laughter
of Henry VIII.
Betaleel and Ahollab wer th first sculp
tors -on record, which waa in 1491 B. C. Be
sides carving io stone and wood, these two
artist derlaed beautiful works of gold and
silver.
When camphor In th bottle 1 roily It
betokens a storm.
Tou will b unhappy If you : los your
wedding ring.
Is Past Sleeper.
Georg W.'a fondness for ataying up lat
In ths fac of having to get up early
alarmed one-of .th regulars, at th old
Sherman house. . He made bold to Intro
duce himself to JJr, W., prefaced his re
marks by saying that he knew that It was
non of hi business, but was curious to
know how anybody could stay up until I
or S and get up at 1
"I'll tell you." said George. "I'm an un
usually fast sleeper." Chicago Post.
PARADOXICAL.
"Outh! And they call this tbinf,
a lUc preservers
"My Dear Mis Loretta: I wish to know
your opinion of th girl who. when pokn
to, look everywhere except In the speak
er's eyes. Is she necessarily untrue or do
you think it Is a mer habit that can oe
cured? 1 usually look dtrectty Into th
speaker eye; and I would Ilk to know
if I should try to do otherwise, or if you
think J a pretty attitude In listening. Will
you tU me what you think on thl sub
Ject? Thanking you, for any answer you
may give, I am, yours sincerely. "A
Listener."
What would you think of a baseball
catcher who looked toward the right fielder
when the pitcher launched a ball? I know
what you would say under your breath If
you were an enthusiast about th national
game, and the cracked-brained catcher
abused his privileges In any such fashion.
Tou would think he merited Incarceration
In th nearest home for the feeble minded
or you would be certain that h was a
double dealer and wa giving th gam to
the opposing nine.
That I exactly what I feel and think
when I see a girl with a fussy glance
sliding and flopping promiscuously over th
furniture and th ceiling when some one
is launching the thought, the conversational
ball, which he wants her to catch. It is
not. In my mind, a question of "pret
tiness." It' Just a sign of the possession
of the required faculitle for association
with sane people. Th girl who looks
everywhere but at th speaker la Just as
inexcusably stupid as the one would be
who stabbed hit-and-mlssly about over the
table to secure her food Instead of look
ing at th plate wher It wa loostrd.
I know a brown-eyed beatuy, photocra-pher-spolled,
who always listens to a con
versation with her glorious orbs cocked in
contemplation of the celling. And she
doesn't make me half as tired as sh doe
th men who try to talk to ber. And, let
m tell you, a fatigue Ilk that inspired
by a continuous diversion of glance to a
point absolutely outside of the circle of
interest is something that no man wants to
experience twice, - Thl girl ha been told
that her eye are lovely raised heavenward.
8o she keeps them there. And, gradually,
the men have slipped away without her
seeming to notice till sh enjoy an unin
terrupted opportunity to pom undisturbed.
These shifty glances, that never meet
your eye atraight and frank, are often
called th sign of a deceptive nature. I
think they deserve more comment as a
certain evidence of th inability of the
looker to concentrate on anything. I never
knew a shifty see-er who had enough
direction of energy, either physical or men
tal, to stick to anything. I would not
marry a girl who could not look at me
when I talked to her, If I were a man, any
mor than I woud unit myself to a Jelly,
fish. If a man asked me to marry him,
and th directness of hi question wa not
accompanied by an equal directness of re
gard, I should politely Inform hlra that
I had no aspirations to be th "apple of
his eye" a well a th "heart of hi
heart" and the "queen of hi home." I
should inform him that no apple ever grown
could keep its equilibrium and retain it
position when ' shifted and wriggled about
in an eye like hi.
I think you are Just right In looking at
the person who take th time and trouble
and Interest to talk to you. I am certain
that you find a good many' who enjoy
talking to you, do you not?
And it' a courtesy which every speaker
appreciate. Of course, you can HEAIt
without looking. But most peopl Ilk to
b shown. And the eyes do that. Besides,
they are th ' window through which 1
revealed th Inward mind-light. It's com
forting to a conversationalist to know that
he is addressing a sentient being. Instead
of a scatter-pat.
r
Tly Bob" in Skirta
J
If"
At Los Angeles It Is not safe to wink at
a woman on th street. -She may be a
"plain clothes" man. After an experience
in the city Jail and police court a Los
Angeles dtlsen has Issued this warning:
"If you must wink at a woman on th
street us caution."
The man did not know that in thl en
lightened age there are such thing as
policewomen. He was accused of accosting
Mrs. Alio Stcbbtnt Wall of th Lo An
'gele fore ss sh stood In front of the
Arac depot.
"I'll arrest you." said Mr. Well.
"Good Joke," said the man, and he wicked
again.
Whereupon Mr. Well showed her star
and led him off to JalL
H wa released on ball, a sadder but
wiser man.
As good be out of the world as out of th
fashion.
Truisms
James Thomson, 3207 Seward St.
Franklin ......1894
Helen Vandercreek, 2618 Templeton St." Saratoga .1898
William Vlckery, 2533 South Eighth St Bancroft ....... 1896
Darrow Wheaton, The Creche Central 1902
Harold Yager, 2416 Erskine St Lake ........1902
Women Acknowledged as Great
Sarah Franklin Bache, only daughter of
Benjamin Franklin. 8h waa active during
th Revolution in collecting money and
clothing for the suffering patriot army,
and at on time employed 2,000 women and
girls In making garment for soldiers. Her
hospital service waa also invaluable In "th
days that tried men's souls."
rlvate malic 1 bold.
Whilst we live lt u liv.
A begun work 1 half ended.
He who cannot do as h would must do
as he can.
Hypatla, daughter of Theon, the math
ematician, lived In th fifth century, and
wa initiated In her father's studies. "Her
learned comments hav luoldald tb
geometry of Apollonius and Plophaotua."
says Gibbons, "and she publicly taught,
both at Athens and Alexandria, th phil
osophy of Plato and Aristotle. In th
bloom of beauty and In th maturity of
wisdom th modest maid refused her lovers
and taught her disciples; th person moat
illustrious for their rank or mrlt wer
impatient to visit th female philosopher." 1
Whan th goos trust th fox than wo
to her neck.
Harriet Elisabeth Btecher Btow, born
rat Litchfield. Conn.. Jun 15, 1812. At th
age of fifteen sh waa associated with her
sister, Catherine, as the principal of a
female seminary at Hartford. Her novel
of "Unci Tom' Cabin" had an enormous
circulation. It was translated Into every
European language and several Asiatic
tongues. Th book waa dramatised and
Whan every on mind hi own business
the work 1 don.
Many a thing whispered Into on ear Is
heard over th whol town.
A black cat la tb theatrical emblem of
good luck, and when a new piece 1 pro
duced the proper thing to do to seour suc
cess Is to entice a sabl tabby to enter th
tag from th rear.
superiority over all the statesman of her
time. There wer directness and steadi
ness In her aims, and sh compelled re
ligious peac In her realm. Knowing
neither love nor hate, her Judgment waa
unmoved by Imagination or passion.
a
Sb
Margaret Van Eyck, who excelled
painter In the fourteenth century.
was a member of th famous family that
founded the Flemish school of painting.
Wive to Blame.
It I so strange.
Complaining wives .
Should ao torment '
Their husbands' lives,
- By putting up
Such stubborn fights.
Because thej- stay
Out late o' nights,
When months before
The wedding date
They've taught them how
To stay out late.
New Ifork Telegram.
A Ho petal Case.
"I can't take your case," said th lawyer.
"You are doubtless an innocent man;
But, on evidence quite circumstantial.
If they try to convict you, they can."
Th prisoner replied. "Tou'r mistaken;
1 m guilty as guilty can be."
And the lawyer grew suddenly hopeful.
"I think I can clear you." said ha.
Kugen C- Lolson la Lipplncott's.
. wvi. - . vu.k uu . Chaaaedl Maa
was ucce..fully acted In almost every Tn. we.t June brlde .,1Rt ,WMt
iiu I on ner on Mian t wedd ne- dav:
Although, It happened weeks ago,
theatre in America and Europe. It
occupies th board In small town.
Elisabeth, Queen of England from No
vember 17, 1&8. to March U, 18, worked
hard and lived simply and frugally. Do.
nestle comforts dt from. her reign. A
woman of great versatility, sh understood
very phase of th Intellectual Ufa about
her. At th council board ah wa a calm
and hard politician, possessing a marked
Such Things Will Happen
MP
TOO!
tin QOirtCf TO
QtT A MEW
DRE531
AOrieTMiriQ
(JOOJ
WOT
AMOTHCR
LIKE IT!
i WANT MY DRESS
TO BE OF AM
EXCLUSIVE OESltfi
I m sr a
ft
YOU DRCas wilu
BC ABSOLUTELY
ofeiGri riAU
FEAB MOT
I NEVER MAKE
TWO OteESStS
v l- -c ' I r x v v
' ' ecnoN.
sn s just as sweet and true. I a.v
But, oh, the groom, how he has changed;
Shame should be stamped upon his browi
He smokes out on th porch alone.
He doesn't wipe the dishes now!
New Vok Telegram.
UPWARD AND ONWARD.
: T
"Oh, why did 1 follow that mot
to, Thcrs'i tJwiyi room u U i
