13
r
The BEES Junior Birthday Book9
ii
How to Train a Wife
THE BEE: OMAHA. SATURDAY. AUOUST 12. 1911.
le
"The little Brown girl n g-ing to be mar
ried." announced the Hopeful Housewife.
"Who's the 1ml ky minr' Inquired the
Confirmed Commuw net because he
wanted to know, lut to keop the peace.
"I frg-t his Hint.'' arv.nunced the prood
bearer of tldlne-. torn young fel
low she met on her vacation In July. 6h
earn In to ask rr.y advice. Ffce said I
always seemed so mntentd. and yet she
knew we weren't very rich, and would I
please teil her If one could keep a maid
tZ a week."
"I suppose you handed out some cheer
ful advice," the Commuter ventured Idly.
'Tin afraid rt a?n't very cheerful." his
wife replied. "I asked her If she could
cook. She sail no, that 'mother didn't be
lieve fn maklns a slrl too domestic that
"mother said the less women knew the
leas they had to do. that she had been
brought up to have 'aocDrarlishirn-nta.' So
I asked her if she thought hrr 'aceomp!l.-h-ments'
were of such a rarp order that a
man would want to ear port her for life
for them. I u;d:
- Too sine; a little, but net ro well you
could ever males a cnt by It. Tou draw
Just badly enough to make bad caricatures
of your friends, but not well enough to de
Sign a dress. You studied FYench that you
might ass.st in the annual school girl
massacre of a beautif Jl lans-uafre. but in
Paris you couldn't order a cab or a beef
steak without an interpreter.""
""Barring: those few thin ahe's all
right." Interrupted the Confirmed Com
muter. "But bow did she take your
criticisms T'
"Of course she waa perfectly furious.'
8h argued, then she cried. But when she
want away she promised that if she took
her S3 a week young man she'd start going
to a cooking school tomorow."
Tha Confirmed Communter had listened
to his wife's recital with a broad grin on
his exprealva countenance.
"In the role of domestic mentor you're
positively funny." ho said, "But I aJwaye
thought that Brown girl had no sense of
humor."
"What's funay about It?" his wife re
torted. "Every word I told her ia true
even If It doesn't appty to my own case. I
don't have to do those things but X have
no Illusions about them."
"And you don't want anybody else ti
have not even a poor kid that'e Just gotten
engaged."
That's Just tt!" waa tha unexpected an
war.. "The fewer Illusions she marries
with, the more she'll die with."
Told by the Troubled Tourist
"This scheme of dressing New York no
way guards ail in spotless white opens the
door to some great possibilities." remarked
the Troubled Tourist. "I can see where
Twar city beautiful will soon have a beaut 1-1
ful eolor scheme If It keeps on, and we'll
a able to gat away from the general gloom
that has pervaded our masculine wearing
apparel for the last hundred years.
"We'll soon ba able to live, move and 1
have our being in an everyday pageant that
will make tha stags managers alt up and
take notice.
"Idea seams to be spreading to other
cities, too, where they want to dress the
policemen In shirt waists, outing trousers
and tennis shoes. Wouldn't that make a
gorgaoua outfit? All tha posts would have
to be mads stationary then, for tha gaudy
guardians of the peace couldn't move for
the admiring crowds. It doesn t say what
kind of headgear they'd wear with this
stylish rig. but I suppose a neat Panama
hat with tha brim turned up In the back
and a quill atuck through It would be about
the thing. A combination nightstick and
umbrella would go well with thia I tell
you If you only had a traffic squad dressed
like that wa d expect to bear 'em burst
Into song any minute.
"With the subway guards dressed In
spotless white. It would be only proper to
top out the elevated guards In robin's egg
blue, for instance, and surface car conduc
tors could wear something modest In the
shape of buff, with scarlet trimming a.
"Automobile chauffeurs could wear elec
tric blue. Waiters could adopt shades
suitable to the decorations of their respec
tive hotels and restaurants, and barbers
could select something tasty hi striped red.
white and blue.
Ttak would be a nice Cupld-llks color
for messenger boys, but tt would have to
t-
Rough Cloak
3. P. Morgan waa recently offered a vary'
Various rcllo by a London art dealer, says
tha Philadelphia Record. It la called "The
Drunkard's Cloak." and consists of a high
wooden pail, bound around with bras
hoops, in tha bottom bf which a hols is cut
for the purpose of Inserting a man's head.
The tdea of the contrivance waa to enforce
temperance by means of public humiliation.
Of onursa. the usage In England has long
bean obsolete, but It was practiced exten
sively In the midland counties about 100.
years ago. "The Drunkard's Cloak" was a
terrifying affair to tha dlpaomaniao who
peratsted in seeing red mors frequently
than was good for his own or tha public
health.
The particular "cloak" offered to Morgan
stands about five (vet six Inches high
calculated to suito nicely the average
height of the unfortunate delinquent who
cams within Its not loo ample folds. It
was the custom, in the early days, to ex
pos Incorriglbl drunkards by placing them
MAVt BOTH YCMj LtTTK
A
"THK AVERAGE MAN DOESN'T
A BARGAIN WHEN HE MARRIES."
But." urged the Commuter, sentiment
ally, "why put marriage on such a rordld
basis? 'Why suggest to a young creature
glowing with her flrrt love that her chirms,
her little accomplishments, are not worth
her keep? Be sure that t2T,-a-week young
man dr rn t think that he's undertaking
her support because she's undertaking to
cook and keep house for nun."
"Of course be doen't think It now. but be
will the first time he comes home with a
grouch to an unpalatable dinner." an
swered his wife. "The'Greeka were right
In considering the stomach the seat of the
soul particularly tha male soul."
"Oh. I on't know," the Commuter an
swered, "you haven't a featherweight ap
retite yourself. The point I'm making la
that the average man doesn't drive a bar
gain when he marries. Whatever you or I
may think of that lltle girl's feeble efforts
at singing. I've no doubt her young man
believes she ought to be In grand opera
and she probably thinks all tha Crusaders
were not half so brave, nobis or handsome
aa he."
"Yes." said his wife, impatiently, "no
doubt she does, and It's highly probable
these mutual delusions will keep either of
them from aver amounting to anything
but not If I can help, It!"
"Then why don't you found a school for
the Training of Wives T " naked the Con
firmed Commuter suddenly.
"And set up a rival establishment to my
own husband!" sha answered, smilingly.
"I wouldn't think of such a thfhg! You've
trained me too well!"
(Copyright. 1911. by the X. T. Herald Co.)
J
"TP WE ONLY HAD A TRA FFIC SQUAD
DRESSED LIKE THAT."
be fast, and aky blue would be suitable for
aeroplane conductors. I'm not sure Just
what we might drees the city's garbage
collectors In, but crash would do for the
material.
"Train callers and announcers generally
would have to wear tha loudest colors, and
only soft fall shades would do for elevator
men. Janitors could wear royal purple to
Indicate their supreme authority on the
premises and tha coal man oouid bo made
conspicuous in Tama color. Any melting
shade would answer for the ios man.
"As for the shoe-shining artist, he's al
ready taken care of. The papers have an
nounced that he's to have green umprellaa.
Aside from that he can probably wear what
he llkea."
(Copyright, nil. by the N. T. Herald Co.)
for Drunkards
Inside this Instrument of torture and keep
ing them "on view" in some public place.
Only the head of tha occupant Is seen when
wearing the "cloak." which Is anything
but a cloak In tha acnes that it hides any
one s shortcomings The person occupying
"tha cloak" waa compelled to stoop In a
very cramped position, and, altogether, his
lot was far from bring a happy one. Wear
ing tha "cloak" for tweety-iuur hours waa
supposed to effect a wonderful reforma
tion. Certainly tha treatment was heroic
enough. Communities which resorted to
such methods were. It is scarcely necessary
to aay, more or leag free from drunkards In
those early deya
. Deity Demands Dtarlta.
Robert Dulwtch, who has traveled ex
tensively la the lesser known regions of the
Himalaya, gives aa Interesting account of
a native aeet known aa tha Tharys. who
have some curious practice. The sect are
worshipers of the goddess Kali. Thsy be
lieve either in seif-deetrucUojl or in the
sacrifice of one of their fingers le appease
the deity. Thua It comes about that when
the eldest member of a family la married
tha unhappy mother la expected to cut
off the first two Joints of tSa last two
fingers of her hand. Princes and other
smart people In this remarkable sect are
allowed to offer a substitute of finger
Joints modeled In gold
Waalda't Let the Old Cat Die.
"You believe, then, doctor," aaid the ele
gant lady. "That my pet's Ufa eaa be saved
by the operation r
"Oh, yea, madam. The operation Is
usually suoeeeafuL. The kldneya of an
other strong, healthy eat of tha same
breed and age eaa be readily transplanted.
Of course, tha first pair may not suit, hut
the second sr third trial generally suc
ceeds." "Weil, go ahead, doctor, and perform tha
operation, far I sincerely believe la saving
the Ufa ef any poor creature waaaever
possible," fan rraacloc Chronicle.
Captive te Law at Sin.
Text For the Good that I Would Do, I Do
Not. but the Evil Which I Would Not.
that I Do." Romans vti.lS.
The experience of the apostle Paul aa
related in the seventh chapter cf Romans
Is a very common one. He tells us. In sub
stance, that be wants to do right, wants to
be a good man. that he loves the right and
hates the wrong, but that some power
within him Is ever drawing him away
from the right and causing him to do that
which he hates. Hi tells us that he finds
himself often In the grasp of an evil power
which brings him Into captivity j He rays:
"But I see another law In my members
warring against the law of my mind and
bringing me Into captivity to the law of
sin. which Is In my members "
We can all sympathize ith Paul In this
experience. We have all felt the power
of these opposing forces In our natures.
We desire to do right; in our better mo
ments we lore the rlicht and hate the
wron. but. ala. there are times when the
evil within us insolently dominates our
better reives and causes ua to do the
things that we hate. Taul calls the power
which pulls us down "tha law of sin." He
calls the power which Incites to better
thlr.Ks "the law of God."
The human soul Is a battle ground and
the powers of light and the pom-era of
darkness are ever waging a flrrce battle
for Its pvasesnon. The apostle as hs con
templates the awful power of the law of
Loretta's Looking
1 haven't had my anger so thoroughly
taken out and blown up and wall aired
for months 1 And the girl who thinks wail
of everybody did it.
There ia something perfectly exasperating
about tha persistent posy pleasantness of
such a girt. If vices are simply virtues
gons to seed, I haven't an idea what to
say about her virtue
It baa gone to the moon. It's liks Jack's
beanstalk. It baa Just grown and grown
and grown and grown, and then grown
soma more, quite above and beyond where
any healthy beanstalk or virtus was ever
meant to go.
A snob and tha girl who thinks well of
everybody met. And L Loretta of the
trenchant pen I quota from a correspond
enthappened to be there. The girl Is one
of the work era 8he has ta fairly peel tha
edges off of greenbacks to get her clothes.
And tbs snob is a young savage who waa
also a worker herself ones, but took a
shoot Into prosperity via the matrimonial
airline.
She was with a rich friend at the pic
ture exhibition. And when she saw the
girl coming toward her she lifted her silly
lorgnette and her silly eyes and tilted her
silly head and pretended that her slily brain
could appreciate and be absorbed In the
splendid and dignified cattle with which
Carlton Wiggins had glorified a canvas.
Perhaps her mean, small convolutions of
gray matter might have been absorbed by
the paint. Mr. Wiggins puts It on pretty
thick sometimes. But she couldn't disguise
When a
( TLL WIPE, VJVUAT A I sTA-U ABoUT VTJC "
( O'VOo Think OF ) V .BtAU ffGivMMELS
THC NEW LID?- N WHAT 2 '
Class eh? ' y
( Loocxrr For?. VT5 on top
I V
Viav-v CJ
' ... Sb ' '
GEORGE A RAY.
Factor Second Presbyterian Church, Coun
cil Bluffs. Is,
Glass-Girl Who Thinks
the fact that she had seen the glrU
I saw her see her! That aounds liks that
idiotic round about X aaw Esau, eta! But
I have to say it so the point may not be
lost.
So the snob with her nose In tha air and
her rich girl friend beside her sailed by the
girt. I hurried toward tba girt. And what
do you think she said aa I burst out:
"Sha cut you!"
"On the Rhine"
The German Rhine furnishes a most il
luminating contrast to the decadent Mis
sissippi. It ia commercially the most im
portant river in the world.
The United States has expended mors
money in the twenty years ended In V7 on
the most important stretch of the Missis
sippo 20S miles, between St. Louis and
Cairo than the German central govern
ment baa expended In the Improvement of
the Rhine from Strassburg to the frontier
of Holland, a distance of Kit miles.
Yet tbs smonnt of tonnage handled on
this portion of the Sliaslsslppl in 13T was
374.081 tons, while that on tha Rhine In the
same year waa between 40.000.000 and 4o.0O0.
X tons, an amount from eighty to 100 times
aa great.
Hs who grievea before it la necessary
grlevea mors than la necessary,
MART MARRIED
HOW MANy -TJ MILS'
HAVE. "TQUD
ytx "THAT
ACS -TH only "things
IN THC, HOJtf E TWT AJEVttt
get Stuck
V.ofyngfct. j N. v. iicra. cu-
sin. as he conelrtors his own weakness,
crips out In atony of fear. "Oh. m retched
man that I am! Who shall deller me
from the body of this death"
His appeal la answered There Is one to
rescue and Tsui Jovfully exclaims. "1
thank God through our Lord. Jc-us Thrift
So. then, with the m;nj I myself s-rve
the law of God. but with the flesh the
law of sin." Romans vt::25.
Without the help of Jesus Christ the
powers of darkness will ever win the bat
tle end drag us down We dare not ficht
the battle alone. "Neither . there salva
tion in any ether, for there Is none other
name under heaven given iraraj rren
whereby we must be saved "Acts ,v:l2.
r
Ancient Wisdom ,
From Ipnorance our comfort grows.
Place net all your eggs in one basket.
Give never the wolf the wether to keep.
The morning hour has gold in Its mouth.
Kind words don t a far out the tongue.
AH men think all men mortal but them
selves. Honor a physician before thou hast need
of him.
Who blackens others doea not whiten
himself.
Well of Everybody
"I'm sure she did not see me."
The lie waa an evidence of her deter
mination to "think well of everybody," If
she perjured her soul to do It.
"Didn't sea you! Do you think she has
developed an astigmatism Just because she
has a lorgnette?" I ebullated.
" "Sha did not see me!" the girl repeated,
smiling that peculiarly inane variety of
grimace which is affected by her kind.
"You've lost your eyesight!" I exclaimed.
I "I suppose you will go on giving her
chances to snub you!"
j "I shall forgive her." waa the not un
i lovely answer.
"That a all right. Forgive her: but don't
prove yourself a candidate for the Imbecile
asylum by denying the testimony of your
own eyes.. You know she saw you. You
know her narrow, proud little aoul snubbed
you. Aud you are encouraging snobs like
her when you fall to recojrnlxe their snob
bishness and call It bad. Just as you would
be encouraging the bad dreams if you went
to a vicious performance and then gilded
it over with your false assertion 'that it
was probably well intended.' Anybody who
deliberately encourages snobs ought to be
snubbed?"
It's a good deal blgeer to see a fault and
forgive than tt Is to refuse to see It The
girl who thinks well of everybody makea
the mistake of assuming that there la noth
ing wrong. Che runs up against some hard
walls that she might have climbed If she
had Just recognlred them as there and
taken reasonable precautions about getting
'.over Instead of bumping Into them.
oki the.
i , ... t j
CHARLFS MCAFFRET.
Kit Howard street.
Xame and Addrees. School. Year.
Phllll Adler. 3229 Harney St Columbian 105
Ben Abrahamson. J.20S North Twenty-fourth St . . . . Keilom 193
Evelyn Brodegard. 1317 North Thirty-fifth St Franklin 105
Howe Buffett, 1015 South Thirtieth Ave. Park 103
Harry Bugo, 4217 Larlmore Ave '.Central Park 100
Loy Coutta, 315 North Twenty-ninth St Drnld Hill 1904
Helen Cramer. 2S5S Spalding; St Lothrop 189
Ruth Cattln. 2441 Manderaon St High 1895
Harlan Cutchfield. 2524 Templeton S High 1895
Margaret Connoran, (03 Marcy 9t St. Phllomena. .... 1895
Margaret Carew, 1144 North Eighteenth St Holy Family 1902
Arthur Chriatenaen. 3011 Franklin St. Franklin 1903
James T. Durkee, 415 North Fortieth St High 1895
Barny Drevlch. 50 North Twenty-fifth St Casa 1903
Mattle Dannlnga, 1403 North Eighteenth St Keilom 1899
Harry Epstein. 1910 South Tenth St Lincoln 1902
Ruth Fraser, 1338 South Twenty-fifth Are High 1896
Ralph E. George, 2 431 Emmet St Lothrop 1899
Bessie Goldberg. 19 North Seventeenth St Casa 1902
Carl D. Halgren. 2721 Davenport St High 1895
Richard M. Hyde, 2512 Bristol St Lothrop 1905
Maria Imbert, 1958 South Thirteenth St Lincoln 1900
Lola V. Kaer. 3615 Hamilton St
Walter George Kocher, 1611 Izard St Caeg 1900
George H. Likert, Jr., 1515 South Twenty-eighth St. .Park 1905
Lela Lahning, 3 407 Seward St Central Park 1900
Clara Meehan. 1910 Lake St...- La'ke 1903
Frank Malln, 620 North Thirty-second St High 1894
Hugh E. Millard. 2505 Farnam St Hlith 1894
Eddie Manowa, 1427 South Fourteenth St Lincoln 1901
Charles McCaffrey, 3314 Howard St Farnam 1839
Francea McFee. 2933 Martha St Pupont 1903
Paul Petersen. 18l2 North Twenty-flrit St Keilom 1899
Rudolf A. Pakieaer. 3078 Fowler Are Monmouth Park.. .1904
Annie Ruffens. 1036 South Twentieth St Mason 1903
Melba Seiffe. 3222 Charles St F-anklln 1904
Richard Singles, 423 North Twenty-ninth St Saunders 1902
August 8trohben, 1004 North Forty-aeventh Ave. ... Walnut Hill 1895
Ralph Truon, 2616 Bristol St Lothrop 1898
Clara Vanoua, 1925 South Eleventh St
Carl Wyman. 3 414 California St
Doris Weininger, 2716 Burdette St
Joseph O. Young. 2853 Miami St.....
Fair Ladies of the White House
Turing the administration of William
McKinley. the twenty-fourth president of
the United States, his wife was the domi
nant f:gure In the social life of the cap
ital. Before ber marriage aha had been Ida
Fax ton of Canton. O.. the granddaughter
of a pioneer editor, who for ality years
had charge of the Ohio Repository. Her
father was a leading business man and
banker of Canton. Miss Saxton waa edu
cated at Cleveland. O., and at Miss East
man's seminary, Media. Pa.
Major McKinley won her hand among
many suitors, for Mies Faxton was consid
ered a bells and a beaut-. They were
married on January 15, 1971, In the Presby
terian church, of which Miss Saxton was
a member. Her castor, tha Rev. Dr. Buck
ingham, officiated, assisted by Major Mc
Kiniey's pastor, tha Rev. Dr. Endsley of
the Methodist church.
Mrs. McKinley first became a conspicu
ous figure at the White House during the
Hayes administration, for sha waa a close
personal friend of Mrs Hayes, reoelvlnis
with her upon public occasions and taking
Mra. Hayes' plaoe In her absence.
Although never in very robust health,
she was her husband's constant companion
and guide. Tha tragic death of the presl-
f
Silhouettes of
One tiny speck against tha aky.
To groundlings aa they stars
Hs seems no bigger than a fly,
Polaed on the edge up there.
Upon hla bead the sun rays flame.
Aa on the topmost span
Hs tolls, a hero lost to fame
Tba brave skyscraper man.
To him the dty seems a mite.
Far. far beneath his feet.
As tolling at his diziy height
He makea the span complete.
He ees throvgh peering, half-shut lids
More wnnders built at home
Than Egypt with its pyramids
Or Caesars with their Rome.
Perhaps a hundred times a day
Ha touches hands with death.
The mighty girders swing and sway.
And aa ws hold our breath
He put tba iron in Its place.
Linked ts another spaa.
And works with heavy, hearty grace
Tha bold akycraper man.
Ah. would that be might talk with v
No doubt some mighty thought
Would come into our knowledge thus
This & fhe
Day We
Celebrate
August 12, 1911.
Franklin 1904
Lincoln 1902
Webster '. 1899
Long 1R97
Sacred Heart 1899
ruo tnuiAn rr3 Kitiiry
dent at tha Buffalo exposition ten year
ago next month gave Mrs. McKinley a
shock from which aha never recovered.
Sha died in 107.
(Copyright. 1911. by the J. T. Herald Co.)
the Sidewalk
Out of his labors wrought.
Perchance soma great. Inspiring theme
Would pass from man to man.
ome voicing of the toiler's dream
From the skyscraper man.
The whistle blows, he's through at last;
Ha leaves his place on high
And to the earth descending fast
Looks 'round with ester eye.
Surely some wisdom ws shall learn
What ars those words ws hear
"ay, where's old Nolan? It's his turn
To blow me to a beer!"
(Copyright, li'll. by the X. T. Herald Co.)
Vie we of the V lilacs sage.
Hard luck stories are usually harder on
the listener.
Soma men arc able to hold their own,
but prefer to hold others.
A man can put hla foot in it without
actually stepping into a grave.
Of course, there's no such thing as a
aea serpent until it has actually been seen,
It seems rather remarkable that when a
man is down snd out hs is at the same
time up againal It
There is a great chance for tha colored
folks in the rural districts to go into tho
poultry business if they could only be
(hade to see it. they are our most natural
chicken raisers Boston Herald,
et Asklasr Mack.
"Tou say you'd go through thick and
thin to win my hand?" queried the sweat,
summer maidrn,
"I would!" cried the young man. eagerly.
"Than." coaxed the fair young tiring,
with a careless wave of her hand, "swioa
across yon lake and crawl through the
adjacent mountain and I win eon alder
you." Boston Herald.
; , i - " I
"" 7.
We-"'' ym-
v iff
In L
Balalael taw Dwet.
Hen peck Tour automobile raises a good
deal ef dust, don't It?
Goggles Not so much as X hud to raise
to get tu
